In a very delightful PSA for My Brother's Keeper, the White House's youth mentoring program, President Obama served as a mentor for some kid named Stephen Curry. The POTUS guided Steph through proper ball-handling techniques and how to make a volcano worthy of any science fair's #1 award ribbon.

According to the program's website, 16 million American youths between the ages of 8-18 don't have a "trusted adult who they believe they can turn to for advice and guidance," with 9 million of those adolescents facing adversities that put them at a higher risk of succumbing to academic and health issues.

The benefits of mentoring can be tremendous.

Students who meet regularly with their mentors are 52% less likely than their peers to skip a day of school and 37% less likely to skip a class.

Youth who meet regularly with their mentors are 46% less likely than their peers to start using illegal drugs and 27% less likely to start drinking.

Seventy-six percent at-risk young adults who had a mentor aspire to enroll in and graduate from college versus half of at-risk young adults who had no mentor. They are also more likely to be enrolled in college.

Mentoring reduces “depressive symptoms” and increases “social acceptance, academic attitudes and grades.”

How our POTUS can fit in mentoring young Stephen between his day-to-day presidential duties is a further testament to our Commander-in-Chief's organizational skills (or maybe he just has Senioritis). Stephen may one day grow up to be a successful athlete or volcano specialist thanks to Obama's guidance.

Riding on the coattails of her massive lips, Kylie Jenner recently launched a line of lip glosses, that, according to makeup artist Jeffree Star, are slightly lacking in quality. In case you're not familiar with Star, be wowed by his skills before entering this drama.

To put it mildly, Star knows his stuff when it comes to makeup so a negative comment from him holds weight. Star had a lot to say about Jenner and her glosses, none of which was very good.

People were like, samesies. 

No longer able to ignore the issue, Kylie Jenner/her publicist spoke out on the Kylie Cosmetics Twitter account.

Star was pleased with the response.

Now that that's all out of the way, everyone can get back to ogling these glosses.

So shiny. 

To announce her pregnancy to her grandparents, one woman decided to make them lip-read for it. With the help of some noise-canceling headphones and a boatload of patience, the pair had to read the expectant mother's lips in order to find out that they are going to be great-grandparents. They have to go through many incorrect guesses at first (like "do you want spinach?" and "do you want a grease?" whatever that means), but their reaction at the end is worth it.

Congrats to these new great-grandparents on the additional family member, and also on not killing their grandchild for breaking the news in the most frustrating way possible. Hopefully the new addition will have their good temperament and humor!

Chris Habiger and his wife Karri already own five McDonald's franchises in St. Joseph, MO, and now they're working on opening their sixth—the "McDonald's of the Future." Scheduled to open in July, this 6,500 square foot McTopia will have an all-you-can-eat French fries deal, proving that dreams can come true for people in St. Joseph (and anyone willing to make the journey to this French fry mecca).

In a video posted to Facebook on April 5, Habiger said, "Ultimately, the blending of casual dining and quick service has pushed us to an exciting new frontier." And that new frontier is ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT FRIES! And some other stuff, too. Whatever.

According to the video, the new McDonald's will showcase an entirely new "decor package" featuring natural elements alongside vibrant colors. And all-you-can-eat fries. There will be a large play area for kids, with features like "interactive lightboard tables" and all-you-can-eat fries. Then there's the party room, which Habiger says will be "truly one of a kind," with an "event attendant" and all-you-can-eat fries.

There will also be electronic kiosks where diners can place orders for customizable burgers, chicken sandwiches, and desserts. Diners can choose from multiple buns, cheeses, and toppings, which will then be delivered to their tables. Table service! Also, all-you-can-eat fries.

Habiger (whose name sounds a bit like "hamburger," if you said it with a stuffed up nose. Coincidence?? Yes, probably) mentioned that the all-you-can-eat fries will be offered as part of their "grand opening promotion," so it's unclear if the deal is here to stay, or just a fleeting chance to drown yourself in grease and partially rehydrated potato strips. Either way, it's probably a good idea to stop eating altogether now so you'll be sure to have tons of room for all-you-can-eat French fries come July.

Finally, a viral story that comes with concrete proof.

Every so often, a story goes viral and captures the Internet's imagination—so viral that people know you mean the tale of Zola when you just say #TheStory. But the people of the Internet have been hurt by these stories before, as recently as the McDonald's milkshake epic that turned out to be McExaggerated. 

This story, shared by Imgur user Gryorly, has everything—bathroom encounters, penises, instruments—and actual proof of its truthfulness. Let's make the blue guy A, and the green guy B:

A: you ready for a story from last night?

B: i love stories

A: this is an exceptional one

B: oh yes yes yes

A: in workmans

A: I walked into the jacks, and saw 2 lads pissing with their trousers around their ankles, they both turn round to me, dicks in hand and were like cmon and join, so i was like ok but i'm not doing they ankle drop, and they start chanting ANKLE DROP! ANKLE DROP! trying to get me to pull down my trousers

A: while this is going on, some booger in an Aran jumper walks in, sees all this and takes out a fucking tin whistle and starts lashing into the bog down in the valley o

B: this is all lies

A: one of the lads then asks to play, so bogger hands him the tin whistle, whips a flute out of his bag. the 2 then get in an argument about whether to play bog down in the valley o in the key of G or D. trousers still down

A: and im standing there thinking, no one is going to believe me... so

That's right, Guy A has provided photographic evidence that he did indeed encounter dudes in the bathroom who, in addition to doing their business, got down to business with tin whistles. It could very well be staged, but sometimes you just want to believe.

It's the strangest bathroom surprise since Moaning Myrtle.

Monday, April 18 is Tax Day, and it’s officially the last day to for you to suck it up and file your taxes. If you're thinking of just not paying, take a look at these nine celebrities who thought they could dodge Uncle Sam. As high-earning celebrities, there was no real chance they could have gotten away without paying the government their tax dollars, and you shouldn't try to either. 

1. Nicolas Cage

Nicolas Cage got in trouble with the IRS in 2009. According to TMZ, Cage had to pay $13 million for unfiled taxes. The actor was forced to sell a bunch of his assets, and ABC reported that he was spending way more than he should. The man bought a dinosaur bone and two European castles in 2007. C'mon, Cagey.

2. Wesley Snipes

The human vampire can save humanity, but apparently cannot pay his taxes. Wesley Snipes was convicted on three misdemeanor counts in 2008 for not filing his tax returns (1999 to 2001). According to USA Today, Snipes managed to withhold $7 million in tax money from the government during those three years. And in 2010 he was sentenced to three years in a Pennsylvania prison.

The actor was released from prison on April 2013, but had to complete three and a half more months of his sentence in house arrest—which is nothing for a vampire.

3. Willie Nelson

In 1990, the IRS dropped a $16.7 million tab on country music legend Willie Nelson for unpaid taxes. According to TIME, Nelson had to sell many of his belongings so he could earn enough money to pay the taxes or else he would do some time in prison. The singer then released an aptly titled album called The IRS Tapes: Who Will Buy My Memories? Many of his beloved fans took the message literally. They purchased Nelson’s items at an auction, but “then handed them back over to Willie,” reported TIME. Nelson paid it all off in 1993.

4. Stephen Baldwin

In 2013, Stephen Baldwin owed $400k worth of unpaid taxes, TMZ reported. Baldwin was given only one year to close the tab and surprisingly was able to meet the deadline. Still, in 2015, the man apparently owed $90k in back taxes—$30k state and $60k federal. If you want to help out the youngest Baldwin brother with his finances, visit this link and help #RestoreStephenBaldwin. 

5. Lauryn Hill

Ms. Lauryn Hill is not only an eight-time Grammy winner, but she's also a pretty notorious tax evader. In 2013, the ex-Fugees singer found new residence in a Connecticut prison for three months because she failed to pay back taxes from 2005 to 2007. She owed a total of $2.3 million, Rolling Stone reported.

6. Ja Rule

In 2011, rapper Ja Rule (Jeffrey Atkins) pleaded guilty for not filing his tax returns from 2004 to 2006. The rapper had to pay $1.1 million in unpaid taxes, and he was sentenced to two years and four months in prison. At the same time, Ja Rule also served a two-year sentence for a gun charge in 2007, MTV reported. Since both of Ja Rule's sentences ran concurrently, the rapper only had to serve those two years and change rather than four years. Now he's a tax and jail time evader.

7. Fat Joe

According to the Los Angeles Times, rapper Fat Joe (Joseph Antonio Cartagena) was sentenced to four months in federal prison in 2013 because he failed to file tax returns that totaled more than $3 million. The Bronx native was also given a $15,000 fine for tax evasion.

8. Chuck Berry

Chuck Berry was not only one of rock and roll's most influential musicians, but apparently he tried to get away with not paying $200,000 worth of unpaid taxes in 1979. Berry was sentenced to four months in jail and had to complete 1,000 hours of community service. 

9. Richard Pryor

According to NPR, the famous comedian spent 10 days in prison for tax evasion in 1974. Before going behind bars he simply told the judge the reason for not filing his taxes: “You know, I forgot.”

Lesson: err on the side of caution, and file your taxes—now.

The Los Angeles Young Musicians Foundation has created a centuries-spanning mashup that matches the mad brilliance of Ludwig van Beethoven and the brilliant madness of Kanye van West. This menacing combination of 'New Slaves' with 'Overture to Egmont, op. 84' is legitimately amazing, and sounds like it could score the climax of a Quentin Tarantino movie. Stay tuned for the spine-tingling drop at 3:41.

This composition serves as part of the Foundation's Great Music Series, which explores "the commonalities between the music of our times and classical masterpieces of the past."

Kanye West is one of the most famous, albeit divisive, people alive in America. Since his debut solo album in 2004, West has become increasingly prominent as a producer, rap artist, and cultural activist. Today, he is unquestionably one of the most influential figures in popular music and culture. Considering his larger-than-life artistic personality, there is no better comparison to him than Beethoven, the apotheosis of the classical tradition.

The monumental genius shared between the deaf composer and the very loud producer blend together seamlessly. Though the jury's out on whether it can touch the mash-up masterpiece that Seinfeld Current Day created of Jonathan Wolff's Seinfeld theme and Kanye rapping about Kanye:

Tracy Morgan has no problem making people laugh, but this story just might make you cry. People is reporting that the comedian put on a special show at the State Theatre in New Brunswick, New Jersey, a venue two miles away from the hospital he was treated at after his tragic car accident. While tickets were available to the public, the show was primarily for the doctors, nurses, and first responders who took care of him.

In June 2014, a Walmart truck collided with the car Morgan was traveling in and left him with a two-week coma and a brain injury. A fellow comic and Morgan's close friend, James "Jimmy Mack" McNair, died. Now, nearly two years later, Morgan returned to New Jersey for the emotional performance.

In an exclusive interview with People, he said:

Last night was one of the most special nights of my life. To be standing on stage with the people that saved my life in the audience was an overwhelming experience. I will never fully be able to thank the doctors, nurses, first responders and everyone else that got me back on that stage enough.

At the end of the sold-out show, Morgan requested the audience give a standing ovation to thank the doctors, nurses, and first responders. They then were invited back stage to hang out with Morgan for a bit. He donated all of the proceeds from the show to Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital, where he was treated.

He also told People:

These people are heroes and I love them all from the bottom of my heart. The only good thing that happened on that horrible night was that I was close to Robert Wood Johnson Hospital when the accident happened. God Bless them all.​

Although he says he sometimes misses being in a coma, his fans are glad that Morgan is feeling well enough to stand up and rub his belly again. 

On Sunday, selfie queen Kylie Jenner posted no fewer than five (5!) Instagrams of herself in a Louis Vuitton swimsuit and matching headscarf (because no swimming outfit is complete without a cumbersome, pirate-like headscarf). Pure speculation, but is Kylie unofficially getting paid as a Louis Vuitton model? The first three were taken before attending day three of the Coachella festival, and the last two are of Kylie and her on-again/off-again boyfriend Tyga hanging out at the festival.

The first is a short video of Jenner, with the PartyNextDoor/Drake song "Come See Me" playing in the background, captioned "Obviously my favorite song."

The next one is a bathroom mirror selfie, showing off the 18-year-old's very fit 18-year-old body. No caption on that one, because the picture speaks for itself—"I love me, and you should, too."

The third picture was taken by someone else, and shows Jenner out by a pool. A pool which she is almost definitely not getting into, because hello, she's wearing a Louis Vuitton bathing suit. The last thing you want to do with something that expensive is get it wet. That one is captioned with a little empty square emoji, because, oh whatever, who cares. No one is looking at these pictures for the captions.

The last two photos show Kylie and Tyga sitting close to each other and talking at Coachella. What are they talking about? Probably about how pretty and 18-years-old she is, and also about how she's wearing a Louis Vuitton swimsuit as an outfit and possibly getting paid for it. This picture has no caption, because Jenner is either very mysterious or highly distractable.

This last one does have a caption: the rainbow emoji with the word "hair." Because her new hair is all the colors of the rainbow, if rainbows were pastel and sponsored by Free People.

What's the message here? What do these five Instagrams, taken together, mean? What's the bigger picture? What's the point of anything, really? We're all going to die eventually. Only Jenner will be buried in a Louis Vuitton casket (and possibly paid to do so) while you probably will not.

Scottish mom Laura Hopkins found her little boy in front of a mirror covered in drawn-on lipstick and, naturally, asked him if he had done it. Hopkins's clever son, however, claims to be innocent. Batman, Gotham City's famed caped crusader, is to blame. Hopkins posted a video of the cute interrogation to the Facebook group The Unmumsy Mum, and it went viral, with over 700,000 views of the little boy's utter shamelessness. As if Batman would draw on the mirror! That's ridiculous! He's too busy protecting Gotham!

Still, it has some basis in canon. At the end of The Dark Knight, Batman agrees to take the blame for a series of vigilante murders around Gotham that were, in fact, committed by a traumatized Harvey Dent. You have to imagine that he'd be okay with taking the blame for a cute kid who drew with lipstick on his mom's mirror.

If you are a man, you have gone into a bathroom and seen poop in a urinal. Actual, human poop. And because you have seen that, you have wondered, quite simply and rationally—why? Dear god, why? Luckily, because there is an Internet, there is an AskReddit thread (several, actually) where real-live lunatics who have pooped in urinals offer up their meek explanations for that particularly foul crime against humanity. Here are the unlucky 13 best responses.

1. If your hypothesis for why this happens is "revenge poop," HighAvailability and many others are here to prove you correct.

I worked at a Wendy's when I was 17 and got fired for eating food that people ordered and then left. I hated my manager and feel like he was looking for a reason to fire me at the time as lots of us ate on the job like that.

So about two weeks after getting fired I go back around closing time. The manager at our store typically closed with one other employee who was doing the drive through. It was a 50/50 shot that the manager would be doing the bathroom cleaning while the drive through person covered the last few customers. I waited for one other couple to go in and while they ordered I snuck into the bathroom like solid snake.

Knowing time was precious I ripped down my Dungarees and started shitting in the standup urinal. This backfired almost immediately as the deuce was larger than expected and I had to use the powers of my hetero turd saw to break it off lest it fall free from the urinal.

So I am sitting there bent over like E.Honda in street fighter with 50% of a turd load still inside my intestinal cargo hold. I decide to expunge the rest in the sink. I do a little shuffle over to the sink, the kind of shuffle you do when you run out of toilet paper while shitting and you have to get up to go get some. I prop my ass up on the edge of the sink and give it a good push and this last 50% must have been lubed up (no homo) because it torpedo'd out and missed the sink but hit the hot water handle. I took a deep breath and centered my chakra for one final clearance push, and managed a nice shart that made it look like someone sneezed jello pudding on the sink.

I realize instantly that I did not have anything handy to wipe with. I start doing my patented shuffle to the stall to wipe when I hear the manager yelling back to the drive through person as he came down the hall. So I pull my pants up (sans wipe) and head out the bathroom door. Manager sees me and says "Hey /u/highavailability, missed us did you?" I say something like "whatever" and he heads into the bathroom. I break for the door and hear a "What the fuck!" as I ran off into the night. Fuck that guy and I'm sorry to the poor girl working drive through if she was forced to do it.

This gets better as it was also the same night I got caught by my parents hosing my bare ass in the yard but thats another story.....

2. You will notice that some of these stories seem to be written by professional writers. Nerindil is Reddit's poopy-butt Tolstoy.

I was driving home from a friend's house. He lived about an hour away from me and I was 20 or so minutes into the drive. Now, my friend and I had enjoyed quite a bit of ice cream that night and it should be noted that this was before I found out that I had a particularly hard time digesting dairy.

So, as I was driving, a sudden violent urge overcame me. It wasn't so much that I had to poop, or really needed to poop. No, I had been tersely informed by powers outside of my influence that I was going to poop and the sooner I made peace with that fact the better. I think I broke some laws pulling into the McDonalds parking lot and, doing my best Speed-walking Penguin impersonation, I made my way to the restroom. Eye contact was not made.

As I shouldered into the men's room I was struck by two powerful emotions: terror and rage. The terror was due to a sudden and dramatic shift in my bowels. The shit was on the exit ramp and gunning it. I clenched my poop-chute like a sheep in a Scottish prison and locked every joint in my lower body, forcing me to walk like a very gross mermaid. Rage came from the pair of sneakers peering out from under the stall.

Good reader, I want you to know, I waited as long as I humanly could. Decency and biological imperative waged bloody war over the course of the next four minutes or so in that bathroom. At a certain point my options became clear: a) I could shit my pants, hobble through a crowded Micky D's leaving a brown trail of shame and ruin my car's upholstery. I briefly considered pretending to be retarded as a desperate dignity saving measure. b) I could shit on the floor, leave and never look back. Deciding that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that, I opted for option "C".

As I cleaned myself with those awful brown paper towels made of what I can only assume to be sharkskin, I swore an oath of bloody vengeance against the owner of this sneakers. He was still sitting there as I walked to my car and drove home, feeling as if I'd lost something.

TL;DR: I lost the Dairy Challenge

3. Others, like Titleistguy, dig up beautiful, repressed memories of swamp butt.

I was around 6 or so at Church, thought it was some sort of new toilet. Never saw one before, so I dropped my pants and hopped in there and took a poo. Never heard anything about it after I did it.

4. And this guy, who probably understands the janitor's anger by now. 

5. Fernyer's job has a very bizarre system that accidentally encouraged revenge urinal-defecation.

Ok, so I used to work in a factory where you could "bid" to get better jobs when they would come open. This annoying guy we worked with was the only employee out of hundreds to applied for the alternate janitor job, so it was his for the taking.

Basically he would get to be the janitor whenever the real guy didn't show up, maybe a couple of times a year. The problem was, this guy never shut up about it... EVER. For months all he talked about was how he was the new alternate janitor and I guess he thought he was better than everybody else. We tried to avoid him as much as possible so we wouldn't have to hear about the stupid alternate janitor job. That's all he talked about.

Finally, after about 6 months of bragging, the real janitor calls in sick. And cheese dick spends the whole day walking around the factory pushing his cleaning crap with a shit eating grin on his face. If he wasn't so annoying and braggy we might have been happy for him.

After about the 10th time he walked by with that smile by buddy turns to me and says "This is going to be great." He asks to use the restroom and bolts.

He comes back later and acts like nothing happened. I couldn't get him to tell me what he did. A few minutes later we hear on the loud speaker, "Will the janitor please report to the men's restroom".

You guessed it, my buddy took a dump in the urinal and guess who had to clean it? Mr. Alternate Janitor himself. First and only day as the alternate janitor.

This comment is worth including:

6. Sometimes it's as simple as this, from LLv2:

7. Other times it's as complicated and horrifying as a rubber glove covered in dsteez13's"glorious turd."

in the locker room at the hockey rink, no one can explain why a lot of things happen. i can tell you that after seeing the biggest cohesive log of my life, i felt terrible for the little asian lady janitor that i knew would have to clean it, so i made a toilet paper glove and moved it to the porcelain throne. roller coaster of emotions

edit: thanks for the gold kind fellow fecal fanatic. i never knew such an appropriate time would come for me to share my urinal poop story. to clear things up, it was indeed my own glorious turd.

8. This one's not a urinal story, but Yoinkie2013 lays a revenge poop with the best of them.

When I was in high school living with my parents, I had a neighbor who had three dogs. At least five times a week, that bastard would let his dogs shit on our front yard. We caught him on three seperate occasions, and every time he would make some bullshit excuse. When I caught him, he said he forgot his bag and went back to his house to grab it. We reported him to our H.A but they didn't do shit to help us. Of course, me being the youngest of the house, I had to clean his dogs shits.

I fucking hated that guy and his stupid dogs. They weren't friendly and would bark at us constantly. then one day, my mom, my sister and I got locked out of our house while my dad was at work. My mom and me went over to his house to use his phone to call my dad, and while we were in there I asked to use his bathroom. He didn't have a urinal, but I did shit in the upper deck of his toilet.

I know he knew it was me, and I was probably an asshole for doing it, but I don't care. Justice needed to be served.

9. And here's a kid named NoodleHoarder who learned in kindergarten to never trust a urinal defecator.

It was on my first weeks in kindergarten. By then I was just starting to get over the fact that this world was inhabited by people who had no tittle as 'aunt' or 'dad'; they were even the same size as me. I was told these me-like creatures were called kids, and they were super fun to play with. "But beware of that curly-haired kid, he is not like the others. He will make you cry". I was very curious about this kid, so I went straight to him to ask him to be my friend.

I had to follow him to the restroom, and when I caught up with him I saw him pooping on the urinal. At that time I knew very few things, but the few things I knew were law. I still remember how my world turned upside down when I noticed that you could in fact poop in the urinal. Have I been lied to? Was that urinal different? I needed to test the very nature of the universe I have been living on. So I proceeded to put down my pants and join my new friend on our quest to poop our way into the understanding of the cosmos. It was wonderful. Even when I was still pooping I knew that there was a whole new world to rediscover with my new found understanding that I could do some things I had previously thought that could not be done.

This epiphany was quickly followed by a stroke of shit being wiped on my face. I was startled, and lost my balance falling over my own pile of shit. That day I discovered that while my epiphany still held true, it was no longer exciting to discover the world, as there were still many curly-haired creatures waiting to make you cry.

That was the day I learned that evil takes the form of urinal shitting people.

10. Now this—this, friends—is a disgusting description. Curse you small_but_brave.

11. And this is why you don't let kids go to the bathroom alone.

12. Consider this a PSA from a service member—x2696—who earned your respect with his time in Iraq.

In 2005 I was in Ramadi, Iraq with the USMC. We were on an operation for several days off of our base, in which we were using a soccer stadium as a hub of operation.

In general, my bowels OCONUS were very unpredictable, and on day two of the operation, it was time to do the business. Going number two in full gear is not easy. We were still required to wear helmets, flak jackets and carry our weapons (a M249 SAW, and pistol were mine) so needless to say, it was a bit cumbersome.

When I could resist the urge no more, I found what appeared to be a classic stadium restroom with stalls, sinks, etc. I entered the one of the stalls and was dumbfounded. There, in the middle of the floor was a hole with a porcelain top. Seeing no other alternative, I began to plan out the logistics of my bombing. After dropping trow, and doing some tactical squatting/propping, I commenced to drop one of the longest solid turds of my life in this hole. Sweet relief. I mopped the sweat from my brow, wiped, dropped the paper, redressed and looked down to find......My turd and toilet paper sticking out of the hole.

Upon closer inspection the hole was only about 3 inches deep. Seeing no device to make this thing flush, or have the bottom drop out, I reluctantly charged it to the game and left.

As I left the stall and stood in the area near the sinks, three Iraqi soldiers came in to use the bathroom. One went in the one that I had just exited. He immediately began to horse laugh, and call his two compadres in for a viewing of the monster.

I speak zero arabic but I found out through some context clues, it was a urinal

TL;DR Iraq has weird toilets

13. At last, one final tale about "this crazy toilet" from before_a_priori.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, the most charming musclebound behemoth to ever emerge from the human weapons factory known as the WWE, is also a loving husband and father. To prove his soft side, he posted an Instagram photo of himself with his baby daughter Jasmine on Saturday.

The Rock captioned the photo with a letter dedicated to the four-month-old:

I'm always asked - What inspires YOU?

My answer's easy and honest.. what inspires me the most is always waitin' for me to walk thru my front door when I come home.

Happy 4 month birthday Jasmine! One day you'll know just how happy, proud, lucky and blessed you, your sister and your mama make me. You'll also thank me one day for your toughness and your mama's everything else.

Apparently, teens these days have made prom even more stressful by asking each other to dances through elaborate prom proposals, or "promposals." And to think, in your day you had a nervous breakdown over merely asking Jenny to ask Derek to ask Tommy if he liked you or if he liked you liked you. Still, many of these promposals are undeniably cute. And others? Well, others fail in every conceivable way. Here are eight of those. Because, like, they're funnier.

1. Nothing says romance like a dead body.

2. Fumble.

3. Who could forget the fake bomb vest promposal?

4. Or the jerk boyfriend who made his promposal look like a college rejection letter?

5. This student tried to ask Jennifer Lawrence to his school formal. In the creepiest way possible.

It has to be a joke, right?

6. This white teen asked her black boyfriend to prom by having him fake arrested. Oh, no.

As Jezebel put it, "It's funny because an unarmed black kid who hasn't committed a crime has absolutely no reason to fear the police."

7. At least this promposal, featuring a teenage boy faking his own birth, isn't racist. Just weird.

8. This one goes so badly. And yet is actually really cute?

1,000 dolphins stampeding through the ocean is a breathtaking sight to behold, but the spectacle grows dour once you realize they're escaping the jaws of those very same orcas everyone's desperate to save from SeaWorld's cold grasp. Orcas, you see, fervently enjoy snacking on sea-salted porpoise. Yes, they aren't called killer whales because they live on a vegan diet of kelp and coral, but rather because they're beautiful, brilliant predators of the deep. Sanctuary Cruises caught the snack time on camera, and it's as magnificent as it is brutal.

The power of nature never fails to devastate.

The worst part may be that they didn't even finish the dolphin, leaving its gnawed up carcass for the cameraman to zoom in on at the end. What cruel, twisted showmen these orcas are.

If you'd like to kick your week off with more murderous orcas, here's one using fish as bait to catch a bird who clearly hasn't seen the above video.

Superhero and "nerd"Chris Hemsworth stopped by The Ellen Show to talk about his movies and the Freudian phenomenon of Penis Envy. Hemsworth is the father of four-year-old daughter India and two-year-old twin boys Sasha and Tristan. Hemsworth told Ellen:

They get along. Absolutely. At times, siblings kind of have their moments. My daughter is kind of envious of my boys, at the moment... She came to me the other day and she was like 'You know, Papa, I want one of those things that Sasha and Tristan have.'

India then started chanting "I want a penis! I want a penis!" 

Hemsworth began to teach her about the differences between male and female anatomy, but being the sweet hunk that he is, said "You know what, you can be whatever you want to be."

Dammit. Being the perfect dad just adds to the hotness. 

The Hemsworth Family shall dominate into the next generation.

Do you remember Audrina Patridge? She was the lone brunette on The Hills (how is that for diversity?), and then she had a short stint onDancing with the Stars. Since then, she has seemed to slip into former-reality-star obscurity. Even though she has been out of the public eye for a while (if you ever really considered her to be in the public eye) she uses her Instagram to keep loyal fans up to date, and she seems to be doing really well. 

Patridge and her fiance Corey Bohan are expecting, and they are celebrating their "babymoon" (barf) in Hawaii. Patridge Instagramed this video of her and her belly yesterday.

This video is just the latest in a series of Audrina showing off her baby bump. Patridge is six months pregnant with a baby girl, and those last six months have been well documented.

Congrats to the happy couple and their daughter-to-be! Looks like she has a life full of Instagram filters ahead of her. Hopefully she will inherit her parents' genes and also have perfectly tousled beachy waves in her hair.

Justin Bieber and rapper Post Malone were apparently joking around at a club when Malone mock-choked Bieber (like friends do)—and someone took a photo of it that happened to look like a Renaissance masterpiece. The choke was all in good fun, supposedly, even if it looks a little scary in the photo:

But the photo is getting attention for an entirely different reason than fake drama—it inspired people with its accidentally incredible composition. Remember when Dan Brown wrote all that stuff in The Da Vinci Code about "The Last Supper?" Hundreds of years from now, robo-Dan Brown will be doing the same thing with this photo. Someone on Reddit even Photoshopped the Bieber-Malone photo into a convincing Caravaggio:

Other people tried their own versions:

Another Redditor pointed out that the photo fits the Golden Ratio:

It's too bad Bieber couldn't have been in this photo when he was younger in his career. He really did look one one of Raphael's cherubs then.

Kylie Jenner has a friend named Mara Teigen who is a model (Wow! A real model as a friend!). People have just now realized that Teigen looks like Angelina Jolie, and not because she has a brood of several children and Brad Pitt in tow. She also shares Chrissy Teigen's last name! This shocking revelation is making people very excited, because a quasi-celebrity looking and sounding like actual celebrities is big news. Here's 21-year-old Teigen asking her friends on Instagram if they prefer her posts about makeup or outfits:

For comparison, here's Angelina Jolie, in case her face hasn't somehow already been burned into your brain:

Yup! It's true: these women who both have jobs that require them to look beautiful have some facial similarities. According to US Weekly, Teigen has "appeared in advertisements for Milani Cosmetics and Frankies Bikinis," and she's reportedly dating an NHL player.

In addition to being friends with Kylie and look-alikes with Angelina, Teigen apparently also hangs out with Paris Hilton, at least at crappy desert weekendCoachella:

Finally, here's Teigen looking like Angelina while riding in what appears to be a Maserati and claiming that "Smiling is the best cure for most things." She is going to flip shit when she learns about science.