Flirting
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Article 44
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Olivia Wilde announces both she and her first kid are pregnant in weird but cute Instagram post.
Olivia Wilde, whose wardrobe of late has consisted of rather free-flowing dresses, has finally revealed that her recent clothing choices and expanding stomach are the results of a fetus growing inside her womb.
In an Instagram photo with her son Otis Sudeikis (what an excellent retro name), 32-year-old Wilde flaunted her baby bump alongside Otis's baby tummy.
This is the second child for Wilde and fiancé Jason Sudeikis, who have been perfectly adorable together since first coupling in 2011.
Between the two of them and their two-year-old son, this family is already very precious. It may be too much to handle when baby number two arrives.
Also, what's in the water over in Hollywood? Wilde makes for the third big baby announcement in a week (Blake Lively and Eva Mendes are also expecting, not together).
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Stephen Colbert issued his own reluctant apology to Australia, inspired by Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.
It was the apology Heard 'round the world: as they received a plea deal to avoid more serious punishment for smuggling their Yorkies into Australia, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard made a confounding apology video for the people Down Under. To many, it suspiciously looked like a hostage video. Which Stephen Colbert "proved" by zooming out of the frame:
Following the example set by the Depps, Colbert issued his own apology for his various crimes against Australia, and performed the ultimate peace offering: a rendition of the national anthem on the Didgeridoo.
Hopefully they accept.
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14 of the most embarrassing status updates ever accidentally posted to Facebook.
Most Facebooks posts are regrettable, whether they're boring things from your friends or boring things from you that you posted in the heat of the moment. But they're usually just kind of lame… not deeply humiliating accidents that should've been nowhere near a Facebook wall. Here are the worst status updates people didn't mean to post to Facebook.
1. Define "funny."
2. Feelin' crabby.
3. Getting busy.
4. Never link your Spotify to your Facebook.
5. It's a smash!
6. Not so secret.
7. No, you jizz.
8. Humiliating!
9. It's not supposed to do that?
10. Things are looking up.
11. A little off-brand.
12. Who dis?
13. Practice?
14. Cool pic, bro.
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21 of the most absurd things ever seen at the gym aside from you.
The gym can be an intimidating place, what with all the grunting, weight dropping, and people who actually have the discipline to follow through on their commitments to get in shape. That said, not everything you see at your local health club will make you feel inadequate as a human being. In fact, certain strange sightings can make you feel downright superior. Here are some examples of enjoyable ridiculousness to serve as your incentive to get back in the gym, if for no other reason than to laugh at others.
1. For some reason, this guy's silhouette never made it into one of those old iPod commercials.
2. Conan the gymbarian says: "Don't dress for the muscles you have. Dress for the muscles you want."
3. Here's some intentional humor from famed prankster Obvious Plant.
4. This guy tried to make his own OK Go video. It went...OK.
5. This poor fellow's identity is protected by the extremely low resolution of this Vine.
6. It's not enough to just confuse your muscles. You have to also confuse everyone around you.
7. They said Skeletor was too bony to twerk. He decided to prove them wrong.
8. This woman is 99 years old and she makes you look like a total loser.
9. Turn. The. Treadmill. Off. Before. The. Next. Person. Gets. On.
10. This guy seems to be trying to be funny on purpose. Hopefully that's true.
View post on imgur.com11. There's nothing wrong with eating pizza or joining a gym that gives you free pizza, but working out while pizza-ing seems like a little much.
12. Batman fights his most nefarious adversary yet: belly fat.
13. Apparently this guy is famous at his gym for...this. And for loudly singing while wearing headphones.
14. It would be unkind to describe this man's technique as "methed-out dolphin." It would not be inaccurate, however.
15. Making it to the gym is half the battle. It should be noted, though, that if you only fight half a battle, you still lose.
16. This is incredibly, dangerously, impressive.
17. Work those elbow muscles, bro.
18. On the plus side, this woman probably found out she's way more flexible than she ever thought.
19. OK, y'know what? This is just fantastic.
20. Minimum effort, maximum douche (bonus points for having a StarTac, though. #TBT).
21. All jokes aside, this last one pretty much sums the attitude you should have to anyone who judges you at the gym—and this guy clearly knows how to work out.
Edit: Hi Diego @G0NZ010↧
Kylie Jenner wore a shirt with a photo of her favorite person on it: Kylie Jenner.
Kylie Jenner, who is still enjoying life with rainbow hair, is apparently infatuated with a selfie she took in which she sports a shirt with a close-up of her own face. Perhaps it's simply the angle, but the picture of Jenner emblazoned on her shirt is by no means her best photo.
To the shirt's credit, it certainly makes real-life Kylie look better.
This is by no means the first time Jenner has flaunted those who are near and dear to her with her clothing. Recently, she wore her boyfriend's face on her boobs.
In the past, she's sported Donna West and Robert Kardashian.
But because she's King Kylie, it's only her own face that's been painted onto the walls of her house.
Does that mural do her lips justice?
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Donald Trump mixed up 9/11 and 7-11 at his New York rally. Twitter was there to help him out.
At a rally in New York on Monday, Donald Trump accidentally referred to 9/11 as 7-11. It was a minor mistake, and also an unintentionally hilarious one.
It's very close to my heart, because I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen, down on 7-11, down at the World Trade Center, right after it came down, and I saw the greatest people I've ever seen in action. I saw the bravest people I've ever seen, including the construction workers, including every person down there, that's what "New York values" about.
That's really great and heart-warming, Donald. Only that's a convenience store, not a terrorist attack. Cool that you think the employees are so brave, though. Slurpees and hot dogs can be dangerous. You neglected to mention that Bush did 7-11, too. #neverforget
And, as ever, Twitter had something to say about.
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Openly gay pastor says Whole Foods gave him a cake with a homophobic slur on it. Overpriced, too.
While a Whole Foods in Austin, Texas sounds like the site of a SXSW hipster jamboree, apparently it has a dark side.Pastor Jordan Brown said he ordered a cake from the overpriced, pseudo-organic grocery store to be personalized with the phrase "Love Wins." But when he picked it up, it said, "Love Wins F**." And yes, the f-word was worse than the usual f-word.
Pastor Brown—an openly gay man and founder of the Church of Open Doors— posted a video telling his story, and showed the box with the cake on it, zooming in and around the box to prove that it's still sealed. He filed a lawsuit for Whole Foods to give him his *just desserts,* citing "the feelings of pain, anguish, and humiliation because of this incident."
Whole Foods released a statement, saying:
The team member wrote 'Love Wins' at the top of the cake as requested by the guest and that's exactly how the cake was packaged and sold at the store. Our team members do not accept or design bakery orders that include language or images that are offensive. Whole Foods Market has a zero tolerance policy for discrimination.
While Whole Foods responded to this controversy, they still have yet to apologize for apples the price of your mortgage or the existence of Asparagus Water. Still, stay tuned as the story develops, and check back to see if Whole Foods changes their position on exactly what happened here.
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Iggy Azalea confirms that she and Nick Young haven't broken up, asks for privacy, whatever that is.
Iggy Azalea wants you to know that her and her fiance Nick Young are still together, and she wants you to shut up about it.
A few weeks ago, Young was caught on camera bragging about how he cheated on Iggy. With that amount of proof of infidelity, you would think that the pair would call off their engagement, but nah. On Monday, the rapper took to Twitter to confirm their relationship status but also ask for some privacy.
Earlier this month, Iggy said on the radio that she would chop off Nick's penis if he were to cheat on her again. You know, just normal, healthy relationship stuff. Now it seems like she is over talking about all the relationship drama and she just wants to move on.
With the cheating rumors put to rest once and for all, Iggy can get back to using her Twitter to address the real issues.
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Samantha Bee chilled with Bernie Bros. She was bewildered by their unceasing optimism.
Samantha Bee doesn't want to get bernt by unfulfilled hope again, which is why the cynic in her is perplexed by the unshakable optimism Bernie's most ardent supporters have for his campaign. After an intense and even more confusing sit-down with Trump supporters, her exchange with the Bernie Bros is quite pleasant in comparison—no matter how dismissive she is of liberal idealism.
Don't be so glum Samantha, shoot for the stars and you might just land among the Ted Cruzes! Meanwhile, here is a video of a bird landing on Bernie Sanders' podium because it thought he had worms to give it.
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Powerful nerds Prince Harry and Prince William take a tour of the 'Star Wars: Episode VIII' set.
In recognition of the British film industry's contribution to cinema/because Harry and William are big ol' dorks who get to do whatever they want, the Prince and Duke got a sweet tour of the Star Wars: Episode VIII set and met the film's stars.
William chatted with Finn while Harry bonded with Chewie, and BB-8 beeped his approval.
Chewie and Harry are the best of friends now.
There's a small chance BB-8 asked to go home with William so he can chill with George and Charlotte.
The royals got to catch-up with Luke Skywalker himself.
As well as multiple versions of Rey.
Prince Harry, a trained pilot, pretended to know what he was doing in a Starfighter.
The brothers managed to complete the dream and have a duel with real lightsabers.
They truly have it all.
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Ben and Jerry were arrested yesterday. Yes, that Ben and Jerry.
On Monday, Ben and Jerry's website was updated to include some important news—the ice cream-making duo were arrested. And not for the crime of making delicious frozen treats. The company co-founders, Jerry Greenfield and Ben Cohen were arrested (along with approximately 300 other people), during the Democracy Awakening protests on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building.
Just before getting arrested, Cohen is quoted on their site as saying, "The history of our country is that nothing happens until people start putting their bodies on the line and risk getting arrested." Wish granted, Ben.
Democracy Awakening brought protesters together April 16 through 18. According to their website, the goal was to "converge upon Washington, D.C. for an array of actions, including demonstrations, teach-ins, direct action trainings, music, a Rally for Democracy, and pressing for a Congress of Conscience through non-violent direct action and advocacy." The organization is not affiliated with any party (but there probably weren't a lot of Republicans there). Ben and Jerry are both definitely supporters of fellow Vermonter Bernie Sanders—Cohen created a special limited edition (only 40 pints, made in his kitchen) flavor riffing on the unofficial Sanders' "Feel the Bern" campaign slogan, called Feel the Yearn.
The U.S. Capitol Police issued a statement saying that the protestors were arrested for unlawful demonstration activities, and that they were processed and then released. Now they can make some new jail-related flavors, like Oreo Arrest or Prison Protest Praline.
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Article 32
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This video perfectly demonstrates how hard it is to get an entry-level job.
This video by YouTuber Casually Explained hits the nail on the head (you can get paid minimum wage for that) when it comes to showing how hard it can be to land an entry level position. People just joining the work force often struggle to find work, unless they got a small million dollar loan from their father, and not just because everyone under 35-years-old is lazy and entitled (okay, Mom!?). Thankfully, the creator of the video uses something jobless people generally love—cartoons—to illustrate his point.
Next time you're getting pestered about not having a job, just show them this video. Unless they've been accusing you of just sitting around and staring at the Internet all day.
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This dad’s Twitter account will make you feel like you’re raising his four daughters, too.
James Breakwell is a comedy writer, a web comic designer, and a professional daddy to four hilarious children. Breakwell's Twitter account, Exploding Unicorn, has blown up due to the conversations he has with his comically enlightened daughters, which he shares online despite his wife's objections. In this round up of his latest and greatest tweets, you will laugh, cry, relate your own parenting struggles, and pray that these are real and not another highly embellished Twitter phenomenon.
Finally, here's proof that his daughters do indeed exist.
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Daughter sends dad on mission to buy sanitary pads. It goes OK besides the stuff about creams.
Following hot in the wake of that poor boyfriend who tried to buy makeup for his lady, here's another guy incapable of navigating the realm of female needs. Young Facebook user Tia Savva had her dad pick her up some sanitary napkins, which is a very simple errand.
Tia's dad, however, needed some serious direction when it came to this task. Bless his soul for helping his daughter out.
Sure, this dad sounds like he doesn't know what he's dealing with, but his quip about Satan shows that he's an old hand when it comes to dealing with the monthlies.
And now that he knows all about what his daughter needs he can easily pay his respects to Satan every month with a quick trip to the store.
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North West once flushed Kanye's music down the toilet. Has she won you over yet?
On the final episode of Kocktails With Khloe, scheduled to air on April 20, Kim Kardashian reveals that her two-year-old daughter, North, once flushed her dad Kanye West's iPhone down the toilet. "And he didn’t even get mad," she adds. "I would have at least screamed."
Okay, everyone's had phone mishaps—some people's phones end up in the toilet so frequently it's probably the first place they look when they can't find it. But this was pretty bad, because as Kim explained: "Kanye had every single rap in his iPhone before he started really working on [his current album The Life of Pablo], and then North flushed it down the toilet. They could not be retrieved. We sent it to like, four places." Yikes.
Kanye, who apparently came to the taping straight from drum major practice, chimed in: "No Apple genius was genius enough."
But it's pretty clear that Kanye is 100 percent smitten with his daughter. On Monday, Kim posted an Instagram of her husband trying (and failing) to snuggle an absolutely-not-having-it North, captioned "#AnnoyingDadAlert."
Actually, maybe if he wasn't so annoying, North wouldn't have flushed his phone down the toilet. Just a thought. Oh, and one more thought: Kanye, back that shit up.
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Daisy Ridley posts fake 'woke up like this' pic to make point about the dangers of social media.
On Monday, Daisy Ridley posted an Instagram with text saying "I woke up like this #nofilter #nomakeup." But it's pretty clear in the picture that she definitely is wearing makeup (whether or not she slept in it is unknown). In fact, she's almost unrecognizable.
The caption reads:
3 of these statements aren't true... Social media is great but also a bit scary cause what people post is the most filtered, most carefully chosen and cleverly edited moments of their lives. And self esteem is a huge issue for people around the world. My skin isn't great so I don't post no make up selfies, much as I'd like to; I have a trainer urging me on in workouts and don't include all the times I say "I can't do it" and I don't smile all the time but I like to share the pictures where I am. But I actually do love myself, I try to think good thoughts always and am surrounded by the most wonderful people, so I'm keeping it balanced (like the Force, obvs). Just thought I'd say :)
Based, on that caption, Ridley is basically the diametric opposite of the Kardashian/Jenner ladies. She's also has been outspoken on Instagram about other issues, like body-shaming. She's like the James Randi of the millennial set, debunking Instagram lies and exposing social media shams for what they are. But even without her helpful explanation, people can still tell the difference between "makeup" and "no makeup."
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