A very stupid scam artist reportedly tried to get money out of the Australian grocery chain Woolworths, posting a picture of her rotten avocados on their Facebook page along side a message where she demanded to be reimbursed. The only problem is this—she just stole a picture that had already been posted on the same page about two years earlier. Which is just about the laziest attempt at a scam of all time. Ah, and it seemed like the perfect crime! Too bad, scammer.

The woman, who has since deleted her post (probably because she couldn't handle the red hot shame brought upon her by the internet), posted the above to the Woolworths Facebook page, with the caption:

I purchased these avocados from your store at double bay yesterday, upon making a sandwich today i came to find these avocados are rotten! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, I demand my money back!!!! and at your double bay store aswell! i expected more from you woolies. On top of that one of your employees game me the biggest dirty look as i was self servicing, making a comment about my crocs, since when is it a crime to wear crocks??? this is Australia god dammit. From now on im shopping at aldi!!!!!

Surely there are some holes in this story. You need two whole avocados to make one sandwich? Someone out there actually thinks it's not a crime to wear crocs?

Woolworths was skeptical too, and their social media team was on it. Instead of immediately trying to appease what seemed like a disgruntled customer, they did a little background check on the picture and came up with this:

Yep, the original avocado picture was posted back in 2014 by a Woolworth's customer named Ryan Goodall. Goodall posted the picture along with a lighthearted message telling Woolworths that he is not angry, just disappointed. 

And for the record, Woolworths was really cool when they responded to Ryan about his disappointing avocados.

So now the scammer was caught red handed. In what may have been a revenge plot motivated by the hate she received for wearing crocs, or maybe an elaborate scheme to get free avocados (those things are expensive), she was caught in a lie, and the internet had a field day in the comments section of the post.

As if that were not enough to want to make the scammer want to crawl into a hole and live out her remaining days away from the public scrutiny of the Internet, people used the very picture she tried to steal to troll her. Hard. 

Realistically, if this woman got away with it, she probably would have only gotten about five bucks back. Which isn't even enough money to treat all those sick burns she received from Internet trolls. 

Maisie Williams and Tony Hale went on The Late Late Show to prove to James Corden that they were babies at some point in their life. This amazed Corden, who demanded Hale verify the photo's authenticity by striking the same pose as the infant. It was a match. Ice Cube also joined, likely because he heard there might be pictures of babies on set and wanted to check those out.

Williams was apparently strictly business as a baby, looking as if she'd already taken the Iron Throne and was just waiting for a serf to finish polishing her crown.

Meanwhile, Hale appears as though he was born ready to play Buster Bluth.

Ice Cube didn't have a baby photo to share, but below you can find a gif of the N.W.A. rapper as an infant.

Take Your Daughter to Work Day is not only an excellent episode of The Office, but a real holiday recognized by the government. Now the gender-inclusive Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, the event falls on the third Thursday of every April. The holiday is intended to show kids what it's like to have  a variety of jobs—not just the ones they learn about in school, like astronaut, fireman, or Power Ranger. And when it was first established, it was basically to show girls that they could have careers at all.

What's truly amazing is that the holiday was established pretty recently, and rapidly became a sitcom staple. 

Originally called Take Our Daughters to Work Day, the festival of exposing kids to mundane realities was born in 1993 (like Ariana Grande!). Founded by none other than Gloria Steinem and the Ms. Foundation for Women, the day was a feminist initiative to inspire young women to explore their future career options.

"The effects were explosive," says Marie Wilson, who was president of the Ms. Foundation at the time. "First of all, the visibility of girls in the workplace, showed up the invisibility of adult women."

(Note: The White House, above the law and on their own schedule, held their Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day last week.)

As the years went on, people kinda played the Men's Rights card, saying that boys should be allowed to miss school on a Thursday, too. After all, women now make up half of the American workforce.

An early proposal by the Ms. Foundation was to establish a Son's Day in addition to Take Our Daughters to Work Day. While TODTWD was about exposing girls to the workforce, something usually associated with dudes, Son's Day was to do the opposite. It would have taken place on a Sunday so they wouldn't miss school; they'd stay at home to learn about cooking, cleaning, sexism, and violence against women.

Alas, that was quickly vetoed (even though every Sunday should be Son's Day. Teach your boys to be nice to girls, even if girls have cooties.)

The day's title was officially changed to Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day in 2003, making everyone happy, especially nannies who have the day off. 

Teach your children well today, people. Teach them your skills, but make sure they don't go over to the dark side. 

If your significant other cheats on you, the best (healthy?) thing to do is to end things and do absolutely nothing, right? Well, sometimes it's extremely difficult to just let the heartbreak wash over you instead of coming up with some sinister plot for revenge. 

These 15 jilted lovers didn't want to be the bigger person. So instead, they sought out disastrous, shameless revenge. 

1. You know someone really despises his ex when he's willing to actually move residences to erect a huge middle finger statue outside her house. 

According to the Huffington Post:

Alan Markovitz recently moved in to a home in Bloomfield Hills, Mich., next door to his ex-wife. He then proceeded to erect this bronze statue in her — and her new boyfriend’s — honor....

The daughter of the ex-in-question was quoted as saying, "“[I]t’s hard for me to enjoy my baths now because my fav tub is in my moms bathroom which faces out towards" the big ole finger.

2. A man ended his 37-year-marriage with his wife for his young secretary. His wife was pissed. So before leaving his house for good, the ex-wife filled the insides of curtain rods in every room with shrimp shells dipped in caviar. (Read more)

3. This woman’s controlling ex wanted her to stay obese. Apparently, if she lost weight he would dump her. Instead, she got the ultimate revenge by posting some before and after weight loss selfies. She dropped the dude and the weight, of course. (Read more)

4. Redditor Kane55’s brother divorced his wife because she cheated on him with someone that was half her age (40). A case of Leonardo Dicaprioitis? The revenge was definitely strong with this one.

My brother recently went through a divorce. His now ex-wife has been in a downward spiral for the last year and has burned so many bridges she is down to sleeping on a friend from her work's couch because none of her other family or friends will take her in and she is so bad with money she would rather go out partying than pay her bills.

The divorce came about because she cheated on my brother with a guy half her age (she is 40) who is a convicted felon. Her boyfriend violated his parole and is now sitting in jail awaiting a hearing to see if he is going back to jail. She actually had the balls to ask my brother to pay for his bail so he could get out. When my brother declined she went into a rage and demanded access to her stuff (she has about 30 boxes and a bunch of furniture in storage in his garage. He was fine with letting her keep it there until she got a place she could put it). He told her he would take care of that.

The next day he loaded it all up and delivered it to her friend's house (where she is staying) while she was at work. At first the friend was cool with him bringing her stuff over, until she realized how much stuff it was. Now her entire apartment is packed with boxes and furniture and it looks like a storage unit.

When his ex got home from work she called my brother and screamed at him that she wanted a key to his place so she could come get what she needed whenever she wanted, not this. He told her that she didn't specify that and that he wouldn't ever give her a key to the place, but she didn't need to worry. She now had everything handy right there.

5. Not only can you watch U.S. government proceedings on the C-SPAN network, but if you’re really, really lucky, you may encounter some dude going off on his ex for cheating on him. Like this fellow.

6. Author of The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks, would definitely not approve of EnergizerSwag’s petty revenge against his ex.

I was going about my normal day, browsing reddit for a while, when my hand brushes against something that isn't mine. One of those sappy Nicholas Sparks books that my ex was so fond of that she kept trying to get me to read. I recalled that I had finally given in and decided to try one. It was awful, and I had forgotten to return it to her. This girl had been trying to make my life hell for a while, so I hatched a devious plan. I tore out the final page of the book, and then returned it to her. I have no idea if she even read the book after i gave it back, as she had mentioned it was one of the ones she hadn't read yet, but the thought of her getting to the end of the book and realizing that the last page is gone makes me shiver with petty delight.

7. Waltk89’s ex-bestman and ex-fiance had an affair behind his back. The deceitful pair even had the nerve to ask the poor guy for their Wii game console back. Not to worry, Waltk89 did this.

8. A judge ordered this divorced man to give his ex-wife half of all his possessions. He took it very literally.

9. After revenge #2, you will almost feel bad about indianthrowawayaus' ex-girlfriend. Grab some popcorn folks, this is a long one.

Revenge 1:

Rani's dad started blowing up my phone a day after dumping Rani. He aggresively demanded an explanation on why I broke her heart. Her 2 older brothers also called and made threats etc. I didnt reply to their voicemails. Instead I sent a huge email out to both Rani and my parents. In the email I wrote out a heartfelt message explaining how Id envisioned Rani and I getting married but she had cheated (I copied in the screenshots of her message) and that I apologize for causing a scene and diminishing our families' status (Indians care a lot about family status) but that Id really like my space so I can concentrate on getting into med school.

WIthin 1 hour of sending the email out Rani's dad phoned up. He was very apologetic. He said his girl was very sorry and it was a mistake. He said he would drive up and beg at my feet to take Rani back and offered me money (wtf?). I accepted his apology but said I dont want any further contact with her or her family and wished them all the best. A week later Rani's family drove down to our city. They took Rani back to their country town and pulled her out of her courses. She didnt graduate on time and couldnt apply for medical school. She returned 1 year later to complete her course but she failed. She ended up living at home unemployed for a year before going into a retail job. She put on massive weight and now looks like a bloody globe. Word got out to the Indian community about her cheating and her family was ostracized. Rani is now massively depressed and her family has resented her for bringing down their status in the Indian community.

Revenge 2:

I went off to med school in another state. A bunch of indian parents got in contact with me to tutor their kids. One girl I tutored, Amina, blew me away. She was studying science and wanted to get into medicine. She was gorgeous both inside and out. She had a beatiful smile and lit up the room. Most importantly, she had a beautiful sole. She was active in her community and volunteered a lot not because it would help her get into med school but because she actually cared. After tutoring her for a year I knew i was in love with her. I asked her out but she declined. She said she liked me too but she is religious and only wants an arranged marriage as per Islamic law. Despite not dating her I knew she was my dream girl so I contacted my parents. My parents and her parents 'arranged' our marriage on the proviso that we would be engaged for 2 years until both she and I graduate our respective programs. During this time we started dating as fiancees (weird I know).

Years back Rani and I had made a bucket list of romantic activities we would do together as a couple. Amina found the list. I explained the situation to Amina and she said she liked the list and wanted us to complete the activities with some modifications. We aimed to complete the list before our marriage. Amina took photos and scrap booked all our memories as we completed them (things like hiking a mountain, salsa dancing, great barrier reef, Rome/Paris etc). A couple months before our scheduled wedding Amina published our scrap book on facebook.

Somehow Rani found access to the scrap book. She sent a scathing message to Amina saying she stole her idea. Amina messaged back a viscious message saying how terrible Rani is, how bad it must be to lose someone like me and that the scrapbook was our idea together before we'd get married. Hearing that I was getting married must have pushed Rani over the edge and she threatened to take her life. She had to spend 3 weeks at a mental health ward. It was a massive scandal in our Indian community. This was 3 years ago.

Revenge 3:

Ive been married to Amina for 2 years now and things have been perfect. She is now in med school and im a junior doctor. We're trying for a baby now. Last Sunday my father called. One of my dad's friends from another city was trying to arrange a marriage for his son. Rani's parents had contacted him with a proposal. My dad's friend called up my dad to get an idea about Rani before they introduced her to his son. My dad forwarded my initial email to this guy and then called up and told him Rani's story of cheating, dropping out of university, depression etc. Needless to say that guy ran for the hills and canceled the arranged marriage. He was very thankful for my dads advice and said he would warn the other Indian people in his state about her history.

10. Thanks to one iPhone app, this dude came up with the perfect revenge after his ex-girlfriend refused to give his phone back. (Read more)

11. This British woman got revenge on her ex-boyfriend by making an anonymous tip to the authorities. That's never good.

I was in a relationship with this guy for 2 years, we were happy, I had introduced him to all my family including my son. Then I found out that I was one of 2 women he was in a relationship with. I found this out by the first woman contacting me and then the whole story came to light. Well once I found this out I decided I needed my revenge.

I knew that this guy was driving without insurance or tax on his car, so I decided to make an anonymous tip off to crime stoppers (British service to dob in people who commit crime). I didn't think much of it until I got a call from the other woman who asked me if I knew why his car was clamped outside her house. I said I did not know. It just so happens that on that morning he had stayed over night at her house and when she left for work she took his mobile phone, the house phone and her keyboard with her so she could peruse his phone at her leisure at work, without him being able to tell people he didn't have his phone etc. Obviously because she still didn't trust him. Well it turns out that the police decided to clamp his car that day and with him unable to get in touch with anyone he had around a 3 hour walk to his mums house so he could sort his car out. Oh and by the way that morning the woman found out there was a third woman involved with him when she took his phone that day so justice served :)

12. Well played, TenderKit10z. Well played. Your revenge story is probably worthy of being on MTV’s Catfish show.

So I'd been on and off with this girl for a while. She was smokin hot, solid 9/10. Her and I just kind of clicked right off the bat and it felt very natural. She seemed pretty smart too, felt like I lucked out. Boy was I wrong.

We were at that awkward 'friends but not friends' stage for about half a year and then one night she drops the L bomb. I'm totally cool with it too, let her know I feel the same way. We date for about a year.

Then shit gets weird. I post some stupid cute comment on her Facebook picture, just trying to be sweet, and this dude comes in telling me I'm too slow on the draw and he's prince charming.

Red flags now, this dude sounds pretty confident. The 'we've been talking about stuff' kind of confident. Confront her about it and she insists they are just friends (yea, right) and they just started talking last month.

I'm not stupid. Tell her either she cuts contact with him or I'm walking. She chooses the latter because "he's a really great guy". Okay, whatever. I'll get over it. Just another woman hell bent on wasting my time.

About a month later she comes crying back and insists she loves me and we are meant to be together, and that guy was such a dick (he fucked her and bailed from what I understand).

I know she's full of shit but on the off chance she's serious, I have her swear that she loves me and there's no going back this time.

Enter Matt Vanguard (dota 2 players will get the reference). I set up a fake profile with a sizable library of handsome photos from some random guy I found online. Then I add enough info and friends to make it believable, then add her and start chatting her up on this fake account.

She swears left and right that this time is different, meanwhile "Matt" is scoring her number and setting up a date (I had an alternate phone number thanks to Text Plus, free text and calling). I'm fucking pissed. It takes a real heartless cunt to sit there confessing their love to someone they've been with a year and a half while simultaneously setting up a date with someone else they've never even met and know nothing about. Yea, I'm definitely burning this shallow bitch to the ground. (and I even did my best to make "Matt" sound like kind of an idiot and kind of an asshole. She dropped the "babe" word for example and Matt responded with "don't call me that again, got it? I'm not your babe").

So she's going to school and takes the bus back and forth. I know her classes run pretty late, and buses don't run forever, you know? So Matt is going to pick her up after school in his super fancy car and take her on the most romantic date of her life, or at least that's what she thinks. He conveniently doesn't get off work until about an hour after she gets out of class. She says that's fine and she'll just study until Matt arrives. Meanwhile I'm asking her (as myself) if she wants to hang out and she says she has some extra curricular thing going on and her friend is going to give her a ride home. Hahaha fuck you.

So she hits up "Matt"

Her: hey are you almost here? If not I have to take the bus because they stop running soon...

you can tell she's a little annoyed. He says

yea sorry, I had to do over time. We were super busy tonight. I'm leaving now.

Her: Okay can't wait to see you! :)

Oh, you can. You can and you will.

Time drags by, Matt is now an hour late, he's super apologetic and he's speeding to the school to go get her.

fuck! I just got pulled over...I shouldn't have been speeding but I felt bad for being late :(

Her: ...seriously? Wow...well get here as soon as possible.

Time keeps ticking and she is PISSED at that point. Matt is hours late. Finally I break the news.

sorry, I don't go out on dates with lying whores.

Her: What??! What are you talking about?

this isn't Matt. This is anon.

Her: you guys know eachother?!

no. I set you up to see if you were still an unfaithful cunt. And you are.

Then she has the fucking nerve to tell me she wasn't actually going to meet up with him. Are you fucking kidding me?

Don't talk to me anymore. And I suggest you start walking. I think you missed your bus.

Months go by and she hits me up. She's very apologetic and says the whole incident has been replaying in her mind. I tell her I appreciate it and I'm willing to be friends, but I have a girlfriend (i didn't) and even if I didn't I wouldn't date her again. She says she understands. And the subject of our falling out comes up another day, she says her 3 hour walk of shame was the worst she's ever felt in her life. Good. It was the best I've ever felt in mine.

13. ChineseGoddess wasn’t having it with her abusive ex. She decided to team up with one of his other exes for some sweet, sweet revenge.

Mine was, I dated an extremely abusive guy right after my divorce. Found out his divorce wasn't finalized and he went into her house and emptied it so she came home to an empty house. He had a $1M car collection he also hid. He trusted me by telling me where all the stuff was hidden. He had to go to court because the judge ordered him to produce all the belongings. He denied knowing where they were. After I had enough of his abuse (nine months), I went into his work and got her phone number off his computer and called her. She invited me over and I told her where everything was. A week later, she got her attorney to tell the judge so he obviously granted her possession of everything. I watched from two blocks away all the furniture, cars, etc. get hauled off by her. He had to serve six months in prison because he was found in contempt of court's orders. His business also went under. It was exhausting for me to do all of this, but totally worth it.

Edit to add: I JUST divorced for two months when I met him. He was the polar opposite if my ex so I thought things would be OK. I was 27 and he was 54. The first three months were bliss. Wining, dining, going places and meeting friends. All the sudden, Mr. Hyde showed up and I found out he was going through his FOURTH divorce. Then the abuse started. Calling me fat, telling me I dressed like a whore, had to always pick out what I wore, hated everything I did and when I follows his suggestions, it still wasn't good enough. Nothing I did was ever good enough. Then the physical abuse started. Grabbing me and shoving me, taking my arm and twisting it until it hurt. He was sadistic. I was like a science experiment to him. He talked about all his exes all the time. He delighted in fucking with them (stalking, intimidating). The few times we saw her out, she had the look of concern on her face when she looked at me. I finally had enough if his shit. I was 27/28 and in the best shape of my life and this old mother fucker was ruining me. That's when I decided to be proactive and make it count.

I told myself I wasn't going to be another woman he succeeded in fucking over, so I teamed up with his last ex and we nailed his ass to the wall.

14. A former Victoria’s Secret model named Payne (which should be spelled “Pain”) was apparently jealous that her man was sending racy texts to other women. What did she do? She made a foray against him by sending his mom pictures of his dick.

15. And guatamala_che's best bro wanted to cheer him up after finding out that his ex cheated on him. The best bro was a paramedic, so he utilized the powers that came with the profession to give guatamala_che the best birthday present ever: revenge. After what followed, the best bro definitely must've regretted doing that.

Back in early 1997, I was in college and dating a girl (A). Like most relationships in one's teens & 20s, it didn't last. Ultimately, I found out she was still "seeing" her ex back in her hometown when she went home on weekends. As this was within a week before my birthday, it was all the more bitter of a hurdle to get over.

As a result, one of my best friends at the time (T) told me he wanted to give me a great birthday present to cheer me up.... Some revenge. He said, "(C),I need you to get me the color, make, & model of (A)'s car, plus her license plate number".

"What do you need that for? And how's that going to be a birthday present for me?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it. Call me when you have the info," (T) said.

I already knew the color, make, & model of her car. However, I had to go on a recon mission up to the dorms that night, find her car, and write down her license plate number. I still remember the rush I got when I found it in the dark. I wondered what the hell (T) was going to do with this info? My only clue or insight was that (T) was a paramedic at the time. But still, how would this info be useful for him?

I got home and called him...

"Okay, (T), I got the info you need. (A)'s car is a silver [make/model/plate - redacted]." Oddly enough, I still remember that plate number after nearly 16 years. I continued, "So, are you going to tell me how this info is going to be a great birthday present of revenge?"

I could almost hear his devious grin as he told me, "You see, as a paramedic, when we go out on calls in the ambulance - all full lights & sirens, occasionally there'll be some douche who refuses to pull over or get out of our way. When that happens, we jot down their vehicle info and turn that into the Washington State Patrol. They, in turn, issue that person a $300 ticket for failure to yield to an emergency vehicle... which supposedly in incontestable in court (or at least very difficult).

I have often wondered how that ticket worked out for her....

UPDATE: Long story, short... (T) is now serving 16 years at Lompoc Federal Prison. He and another guy got busted in 2009 for robbing 16 banks between Seattle & Portland.

Lesson: if you're seeking out revenge, don't do it. Do. Absolutely. Nothing.

According to TMZ, Nick Hawk, one of the stars of the Showtime reality series Gigolos, has insured his manhood for a million dollars. The signing of the policy, which he apparently got through Geldin Insurance, was recorded and will be shown on a future episode of Gigolos.

A million dollars! Million dollar penis! Houses cost a million dollars! Can someone live inside your dick, guy? No, they cannot. No matter how big it is.

On the other hand, Nick Hawk is not the first person to insure a very profitable body part. People have had their legs, hands, smiles, butts, and sometimes whole bodies insured—and these are people who have other assets. Hawk only has this one thing that makes him worth anything at all. It's how he makes his money and clearly his passion in life (along with fedoras), so it's probably not a bad idea to insure it.

But these rumors of celebrities insuring body parts are not always true, because they're just that—rumors. Circulating the news that a body part has been insured also gets the celebrity owner of that body part a lot of free publicity. So who knows. Either way, hopefully nothing bad happens to Hawk's baloney pony (does the policy cover STDs?), and if you ever happen to find his dick lying around somewhere, or he leaves it at your house, you'll probably get a big reward for returning it. A cash reward! Get your mind out of the gutter. Plus, you don't know where that thing's been.

On April 28, you may feel like your office has finally gone too far with hiring young people as you watch a toddler waddle by. Alas, that kid isn't an elementary school dropout and a future Mark Zuckerberg—it's Take Your Kid to Work Day. Also known as Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day if you have the time to spit out the lengthy name. If you're not busy running after a small child, spend a moment appreciating 15 kids who did this day right. No clean up involved!

1. It's Take Your Kid to Work Day, not Put Your Kid To Work Day.

2. A familiar scene for many on this day.

3. Some kids aren't content to sit loudly in the corner.

4. It's not only the kids who get to enjoy snacks on this holiday.

5. After spilling water, these kids left an even bigger mess to clean up. Thoughtful.

6. Whiteboards are a good opportunity to share one's beliefs about aliens.

7. Do adults get nap time on this holiday, too?

8. This kid is ready for the job.

9. Bless whoever allowed a small child to hold a dental contraption in their mouth.

10. Adults have this same thought.

11. This kid has a very busy day. Do not interrupt him.

12. It opens up a whole new world of cute people, for the older children.

13. What kids want this day to be like:

What it's really like:

Just kidding, no one talks on the phone anymore at work. It's so old-fashioned.

Someone as prone to injury as Jimmy Fallon should stay far away from high heels, but Gisele Bündchen​encouraged the Tonight Show host to give them a go because deep down she probably wanted to see late night bloodshed.

Fallon's a natural. Walking the runway is easier observed than done, as you can see by how many gifs exist of professional runway walkers falling like giraffes trying to traverse a grease-covered ice rink.

Julia Roberts plays a Home Shopping Network host in her new movie Mother's Day, so Ellen decided to make use of Roberts' selling skills by having her play a game of "Pitch, Please" on Thursday's show. In this game, the guest has to try to sell an item without having any idea what it is. Roberts did surprisingly well as she constructed a generic pitch for what turned out to be sex toys.

Roberts really nails it right off the bat: "It is versatile, it is hypoallergenic, it comes in a variety of sizes, and Mother's Day is right around the corner." Ellen helps out by giving leading statements like, "You have this, obviously" ("I don't want to brag, but I have a couple") and "Your favorite activity to do when you have it on" ("Tennis"). She's great! Maybe she should consider a career in acting.

At some point in time, Nick Young almost got the phrase "Young Reble" tattooed across his back—until his forgiving savior Iggy Azalea intervened.

In a good-hearted Twitter fight, Azalea got back at her fiancé (yeah, they're still together) for something other than his cheating by detailing the time Azalea swooped in to save Young.

Anyone wonder if there's a tiny part of Azalea that wishes she had said nothing to Young about his spelling error?

Azalea's story time all began when Azalea shared her thoughts on Beyoncé's use of the name Becky. 

Young mocked his fiancée for her tweets about "Becky."

This tweet is made even more awkward for avid followers of celebrities' personal lives, because of that whole Young cheating on Azalea thing. Nick was apologetic—for the Beck quip.

Now the secret is out, and there's yet another reason for the Internet to rip Nick Young to shreds.

No ragrets. 

In a move even more confusing than being selected as a Vice Presidential candidate (despite having received only 1 delegate), Carly Fiorina broke out into song at Cruz's rally. With eerie, high-pitched tones, Fiorina committed to a performance that nobody expected or even asked for, professing her love for Cruz's young daughters.

Here are the lyrics so you can sing along!

♫ I know two girls that I just adore
I’m so happy I can see them more
‘Cause we travel on the bus all day
We get to play
We get to play! ♫

While that weird song felt out of place at a campaign event, it's right at home in the trailer for The Conjuring 2.

Breaking out into song in the midst of a political speech is never a good idea. The First Lady of Canada, Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau, learned that the hard way, when she decided that the Martin Luther King Day ceremony could be improved with a song that she wrote for her daughter.

Singing and politics should not mix, unless it's in Hamilton.

On Wednesday Amy Schumer shared a video of her dad on FaceTime with Goldie Hawn. Gordon Schumer loved every second of it. After Amy told Hawn that she is "the love of his life," dad confirmed it cutely by confirming "you're the love of my life. In real life." Watching an elderly dad innocently flirt is always fun, but watching him do it with Goldie Hawn is the most fun in the world:

Hawn herself is a loving mother and a goofball on social media, so that's why she had no trouble killing it on FaceTime. After Amy called Hawn a goddess, she replied with an even higher compliment for the Schumer family:

Getting to FaceTime with Goldie Hawn is a great way to spend time with a parent. Most people have to spend at least half an hour explaining to a parent what FaceTime is or how a smart phone works.

You guys did good.

In an interview with Dean Richards for WGN Morning News that was supposed to be about Kelly Rowland and her work as the celebrity spokeswoman for the allergy medication Claritin, the conversation quickly turned to Beyonce. Probably being used to this by now, Rowland swiftly shut it down. 

Richards: All the talk this week has been about Beyonce’s new album. Have you heard it yet? Have you had an opportunity to get some thoughts on the whole thing?
Rowland: I sure have. It’s great. It’s absolutely great.
Richards: Really different though, right?
Rowland: Yes, really different.
Richards: Is the ...
Rowland: But getting back to what I’m here to talk about, Claritin. I’m very excited to be teaming up with Claritin and the Boys & Girls Clubs of America.

Unless you live under a rock or in an Internet-less utopia (wait, then how are you reading this?), you have surely gotten an earful about Beyonce's new album/mini-movie Lemonade. Bey's former band mate Kelly Rowland is no exception. Right when it seemed like Rowland was coming out from behind Beyonce's shadow, Lemonade caused an eclipse. 

It's been over ten years since Rowland was one third of Destiny's Child, and with all the hype surrounding Beyonce, it's hard to keep the conversation on antihistamines. 

That was proficiently awkward. PS, what is Michelle Williams up to these days?

Greg Nottingham​ had planned a very nice proposal for his lady love Sax Brinkley, but he screwed up. Nottingham somehow remembered everything—picnic accessories, their dog, their photo-taking friends—except the ring. Mind, he did have a ring, just not on him when he needed it most.

He "grabbed the wrong box." How? How many ring boxes does this guy have lying around? This is suspicious. Oh well, Brinkley appears to be genuinely happy with the whole no-ring proposal, so that's nice.

Their dog Bella, however, could've mustered a little bit more enthusiasm for the big event. Dear Bella, take note from this dog, who is very happy to be part of his owner's love story.

Good boy.

If you’ve never watched a hockey game in your life, let Tony X’s hilarious series of tweets give you newfound interest in the sport. On Monday, Tony X tuned in the playoffs match between the Chicago Blackhawks and St. Louis Blues. He live-tweeted his whole experience, inevitably became an Internet sensation, and is probably a huge hockey fan now.

Initially, he was flipping through channels to watch a Cardinals baseball game, but thankfully, he couldn't manage to find it. Instead, this one helluva of a hockey game found him. Hockey will never let you go now, Tony. Not ever.

The Blues (who won against the Blachawks, 3-2) reached out to Tony X on Twitter and offered him tickets to their next match. This man went from live-tweeting a hockey game to attending a live hockey game. Well done, Tony. Well done.

#Internetfamous.

Can the NHL please hire Tony X to live-tweet all of their matches? 

Ah, prom season—a memorable time of hair spray and daughters fighting with their moms over which shoes go best with their dresses. But for Amy Steverson, her reminisces of the over-rated high school event will be filled with body-shaming, because that was the theme of prom for this high school senior. According to Cosmopolitan, the Maryville High student wore a kickass dress to prom that her school didn't approve of because their standards make no sense.

Steverson was first denied entry because of her "revealing" dress. If you're baffled at what seems revealing about this tasteful dress, Tiffani Taylor, a mother of one of Steverson's friends, wrote a Facebook post elucidating that the school felt there was too much cleavage going on. Only after being shamed for her body and tossing on her Vice Principal's tux jacket (which is an added layer of "WTF" to this story) was the girl allowed into prom. Even then, Steverson continued to be punished for her size, as Taylor painfully explained.

"Us big girls gotta cover up."

The teacher's attempt to act all familiar with Steverson regarding her body shape is cringe-worthy and outdated, especially given that Steverson was covered up. 

#FreeThePromDress.

Donald Trump officially stated that when gracing one of his luxurious estates, Caitlyn Jenner could pee (or poo) in any bathroom she likes. Jenner took Trump up on his offer, journeying to the Trump International Hotel in midtown Manhattan to take a leak, and she filmed the whole thing (ladies just can't go to the bathroom on their own, amirite?!).

Jenner turned the video diary into a poignant political PSA, looking directly into the camera to say, "And by the way Ted, nobody got molested."

While the GOP frontrunner is down to let Jenner leak where she wishes, it’s likely the rest of the Republican party would make her business their business.

On top of being a mysterious, pansexual rock god, Prince was also a very classy guy. Billboard recently talked to Journey songwriter Jonathan Cain and guitarist Neal Schon about a time in 1984 when Prince reached out to show them "Purple Rain," concerned that it sounded too similar to Journey's "Faithfully." Over the call, Prince said to Cain, "I want to play something for you, and I want you to check it out. The chord changes are close to 'Faithfully, and I don't want you to sue me." Cain heard him out and gave the go-ahead.

I thought it was an amazing tune, and I told him, 'Man, I'm just super-flattered that you even called. It shows you're that classy of a guy. Good luck with the song. I know it's gonna be a hit.'

And it was 'Purple Rain.'

After which, Prince probably thanked Cain by emptily staring into the cosmos like this.