Article 9
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The Church Lady returned to 'SNL' to meet 'godless' Donald Trump. Isn't that special?
Donald Trump is now really the presumptive Republican nominee, so it's time he sat down with Dana Carvey, the SNL actor best known for playing George H.W. Bush...playing a different famous character that nonetheless embodies the GOP base: the Church Lady.
Dana Carvey's iconic agent of the almighty returned to SNL to address the current political landscape and state of Madonna's buns. Church Lady even brings out someone she has been talking about for decades: Lucifer in the flesh. Or as he's known to most, Ted Cruz. Get reacquainted with the Church Lady before Trump makes her VP.
Isn't that special?
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'SNL' takes on the supremely unsurprising 'Game of Thrones' twist you were waiting for.
Last week, Game of Thrones fans waited with bated breath for the twist they knew was coming, and SNL put two of them right in the action at Castle Black. Channeling the frustration of fans everywhere, Cecily Strong and Oscar-winning host Brie Larson heckled the resurrection, begging the red woman Melisandre to just f**king do it already.
A surprisingly chiseled Pete Davidson did a fantastic Kit Harrington impression, lying handsomely and motionless, anxious to make his return.
When you play the Game of Thrones, you win, or you die...and come back to life.
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29 funny tweets about Mother's Day to read to your mom over brunch.
Happy Mother's Day! Sure, you could do a whole list just of tweets about motherhood from funny moms, but HAVING a mother is a trait all mammals share. We may hate the guilt trips and endless phone calls, but we love our mothers for all the wonderful things they do! Without further ado, here are the 29 funniest tweets ever written about Mother's Day:
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Brie Larson and the cast of 'SNL' brought their moms on for Mother's Day. Kate McKinnon's mom's got jokes.
SNL celebrated Mother's Day Eve with host Brie Larson, known for her Oscar-winning role as Ma in the hilarious mother-son romp, Room. Larson thanked her mom for being strong and supportive, thankfully in circumstances less dire than her Room character. The cast took the opportunity to do the same, with Pete Davidson bringing up his real mother/chauffeur, and Beck Bennett making a big announcement about Brie.
Plus, like mother like daughter: Kate McKinnon's mom's got jokes, and she wrote them herself.
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Neighborhood mothers instruct a newcomer on the mystical powers of the mom haircut on 'SNL.'
The women of SNL gathered 'round at a baby shower to teach host Brie Larson's character the cosmic way of The Cut. There comes a time in every mother's journey when she must commit herself to the image of "soft waterfall in the front, knives in the back." The inspiration may manifest at a wedding or a Michael's craft store, but one thing is for certain: "you don't choose the cut, the cut chooses you." Once the transformation is in motion, it cannot be undone. Surrender your senses to the chunky highlight, and yield the back of your head to the Iron Throne.
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Kate McKinnon makes her 'SNL' castmates crack up describing her pantsless near-death experience.
The last time we saw Kate McKinnon's Ms. Rafferty character on SNL, she was describing a pantsless alien abduction story that left Ryan Gosling in tears—and now she's had a (pantsless) near-death experience full of mediocre angels. But on the May 7 episode, McKinnon's disgruntled experience with a dissatisfying miracle once again contrasts with her castmates and host Brie Larson, and once again she forced them to stifle laughter on live television. One thing is for certain—the angel Keith isn't getting a promotion any time soon.
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10 years later, the star of 'Shoes' teases the return of Kelly to the very small screen.
Ten long years ago, Liam Sullivan unleashed upon the world a footwear-obsessed uber-betch of a teen girl Kelly in one of the first viral videos of the YouTube era, 'Shoes.' If you haven't seen the original, scroll down to the bottom of this article to see what people were laughing at in 2006—an era in which Facebook was still mostly college kids and iPods seemed cool even though they couldn't make phone calls.
Now, like many of those college students who shared his video 10 years ago, Liam is a parent himself, and must come to grips with his cool viral past. Hidden deep within his dad garage lies a very special hint that Kelly may be ready to come back (and will presumably need a new wardrobe).
This is Sullivan's first video, Kelly-related or otherwise, in 3 years. But if Homestar Runner could come back, surely he can, too. If anyone wants to add G.I. Joe to the reboot slate, that would be great, too. To understand what this is all about, here's the original 'Shoes':
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All other decorated graduation caps get put to shame by this LED mortarboard from Georgia Tech.
Redditor TrumpetH4X wanted to do the whole customized graduation cap thing, but found themselves unable to be satisfied with mere pasted-on construction paper and lettering—so the soon-to-be Georgia Tech alum created a full 32x32 resolution LED grid that displayed rotating gifs. Writes TrumpetH4X:
Because why the hell not?
I had the idea to install a 32x32 LED matrix on the top of my mortarboard, with scrolling messages about my time at Georgia Tech. In between messages, I have my cap display a total of six different animated gifs.
• Georgia Tech's "Miracle on Techwood Drive" vs. FSU
• GT Band parading before a home football game
• The Georgia Tech Solar Racing Team's car on campus
• The 2014 Capital One Orange Bowl logo
• Waving GT flag
• "The Kick" by Harrison Butker against uga during 2014
It also reads "Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering," but that should have been obvious:
This is incredibly impressive, but it does raise the question as to whether they're aware colleges don't hand out extra credit at graduation. You can't show up with a regular GPA and then win a cum laude degree with your sweet hat.
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If you took all your mom's advice literally, you'd probably be well-adjusted. And lame.
Moms have great advice, and you should listen to it—but maybe not too the letter, or else you'll kind of sound...like a mom. Tracey Soren and Jessie Jolles are two comedians living the twenty-something life in New York City, but in this video, they imagine their lives as twenty-something women who heed their mother's warnings all too seriously. Frankly, they sound like happy, balanced people who know how to set boundaries and have sane, respectful relationships. It's just that most self-respecting twenty-somethings would never be caught dead seeming so well-adjusted.
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Kanye West outdid whatever gift you got your mom with his surprise for Kim Kardashian.
Since he's already gotten her a million-dollar necklace and posed in some risqué photos, Kanye West had to step up his game to honor his wifey Kim Kardashian on Mother's Day.
To celebrate the mother of his two children, West invited a bunch of strangers into his home.
North—who based on her sabotage of her dad's music doesn't like hip-hop—approved.
Of course she approved: the 12-piece orchestra played "Let It Go." Yes, that's why the tune mysteriously made you want to start weeping while yelling out, "No, make it stop."
The orchestra also played "Tomorrow" and "It's a Hard Knock Life" from Annie, because Kanye has some love for the classics.
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Blac Chyna showed off her baby bump. It's still not as big as her engagement ring.
Well, it's absolutely official—the future Mrs. Angela Renee Kardashian (for now still just Blac Chyna) is pregnant and showing major bumpage. On Saturday, she posted a Snapchat of her boobs, bump, and bling (her 7 carat diamond engagement ring), all of which are pretty big.
Engagement ring—$325,000.
Boobs—who knows.
Kardashian heir—priceless.
The 27-year-old wore the same jumpsuit later in the day when she attended RuPaul's DragCon in LA with BFF and fellow Kardashian-enemy Amber Rose.
Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian started dating in January and got engaged in April, which his family is not exactly happy about. That's mainly because the father of Blac Chyna's other kid, 3-year-old King Cairo, is rapper Tyga—who now dates Kardashian's half-sister, Kylie Jenner. It has all the elements of a Greek tragedy, but let's hope there's a happy ending.
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Couple nails their prom picture despite looming threat of nearby tornado.
Ali Marintzer and Charlie Bator are high school sweethearts who surely would've had some cute pre-prom pics this year, indistinguishable from thousands of others. Luckily for them, Mother Nature intervened and provided them with a death-defying backdrop.
According to The Denver Channel, a tornado blew through their hometown of Wray—and was one of a few tornados in Colorado on Saturday. The storm was about three miles away from Marintzer's home, which—for the couple and Marintzer's mom—was a safe enough distance to head on outside and pose.
While they only took one picture together, the two had enough time to independently take some selfies before heading over to their prom, which was delayed for obvious reasons (the tornado).
That's the definition of high school love right there: matching selfies with braces in the spotlight.
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The 21 funniest reactions to Jon Snow's penis and everything else on 'Game of Thrones' last night.
Last week, all Game of Thrones fans could talk about was the resurrection of the one true god, Jon Snow. If you watched last night, you know he's not quite a messiah because, to paraphrase Tormund: "dick too small." Here are the 21 funniest reactions to Jon's penis, and to a few other small—disappointingly small, and presumably shriveled—details from Sunday's "Oathbreaker."
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Chrissy Teigen wore a crop top, thus letting the world glimpse her post-pregnancy body.
Under a month after giving birth, Chrissy Teigen has given the world an exterior glimpse at the womb that held her baby Luna (born April 14) for the better part of a year.
While cooking up a very delicious sounding Mother's Day brunch, Teigen sported a crop top, jean short-shorts, and a robe thing that might be a very long blazer. The exact name of the item of clothing she sported isn't crucial. The important part of her outfit is what it fails to cover up: her stomach.
Yep, that's a belly button. This is most certainly a photo of Chrissy Teigen's post-partum stomach.
If you're curious about how Teigen's butt is doing after pregnancy, the new parent of breast-feeding boobs Snapped a picture of her bed after getting a spray tan. The photo brings to mind a murder scene.
While it looks like Teigen had a very heavy flow during the night, the bed stain was the result of spray tan mishap. The neat outline of Teigen's body suggests the model/mom/John Legend Wife sleeps in the nude, so there's something to think about for the rest of the day.
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Justin Bieber just proved that even the tiniest face tattoo can be enormously obnoxious.
Friday, May 6, pop star and famed mop-bucket pisser Justin Bieber went and done tatted up his face. You can almost see it here in this grainy-azz photo he posted to Instagram yesterday.
Why? Why this happen? Does he think he's Mike Tyson?
West 4th Tattoo tattooist Jonboy created the "art," bragging to US weekly, “Justin came in last night and decided on a small cross near the corner of his eye. It represents his journey in finding purpose with God.”
Well, that purpose is small as hell. It looks like a piece of dirt.
Why so small, bro? Maybe you should get the guys at Calvin Klein to give you one of their trademark enlargements again.
So weird, too, considering he once told GQ he would only consider getting face ink only once his face his ripened.
"Maybe when I'm really old," he said. "But not super old. Maybe like 40s or 50s or something.""
Congrats on your 40 or 50 something birthday, Biebs!
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Acrobatic squirrel without hind legs has mastered the tricky art of the walking handstand.
YouTuber Ian T shared a video of a squirrel walking across a lawn that would be like a million other boring squirrel videos except for the fact that no squirrel video is boring and this squirrel is doing a walking handstand. "Funky stuff," Ian wrote in the video description. He speaks the truth.
That squirrel is quite nimble.
Ian T added, "My dad stumbled upon this weird little guy while walking our dog. It apparently was born with no hind legs or tail and now gets around by [doing] a handstand and walking on its front legs."
How they know the squirrel was born without legs or tails is unknown. Have humans been stalking this squirrel since birth? That's a little invasive.
Because squirrels are born with great natural instincts, here's one burying nuts in a dog's fur.
His tiny little paws move mostly quickly.
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'Game of Thrones' finally took a second to stop killing everyone you love and set up the plot.
"Oathbreaker," more than the first two episodes of Game of Thrones season six, felt like exposition. That wasn't disappointing, for the most part—it got the Queen of Thorns a few lines, which is never a bad thing—but for an episode with so many big moments, so many of those moments felt merely like the set-up to even bigger moments. Thankfully, there were enough small moments to make the episode worthwhile, and by "small moments" I mean Jon Snow's itty bitty penis. Warning: spoilers for last night's Game of Thrones ahead.
The biggest surprise: the return of Rickon Stark.
Osha is a fabulous character—and actress Natalia Tena is so good at playing her that even George R. R. Martin said it changed the way he's written her in the books—that seeing her and Rickon Stark after two seasons of absence from the show is almost a treat. Even though, as Bolton captives, Ramsay will probably do something absolutely horrible to the pair of them.
Also, for those of you keeping track at home, with the death of Shaggydog, there are now only three Stark direwolves left alive: Bran's wolf Summer, Arya's estranged wolf Nymeria, and Jon's trusted Ghost. RIP Shaggydog, Lady, and Grey Wind.
Let's cheer for the gruesome death of a child.
In the Quentin Tarantino movie The Hateful Eight, the camera lingers on a grown person as they die by hanging. It's a horrible sight, and it was the subject of some controversy. This week, the traitors who betrayed Jon Snow—including Olly, still clearly a young child—died, from hanging, in a similarly graphic way. The camera seemed to take special glee in Olly's tiny asphyxiating face. I'm guessing no one will ever complain about this.
So to Olly, let me say: thanks for making it okay to hate a child again after the death of Joffrey. And to Jon: thanks for doing this one last thing before abandoning the Night's Watch forever (?).
The c*cktease that was the Tower of Joy.
Through the time-travel mind powers he harnesses with www.Tree.com, Bran gets to see his father, Ned (played here by a young Sean Bean look-alike and not, sadly, Sean Bean), and Meera's father, Howland Reed, fight Arthur Dayne outside the Tower of Joy. That's the fortress where Daenerys's older brother, Rhaegar—again, not the guy with the deadly gold crown, but the guy who died in Robert's Rebellion—was keeping Lyanna Stark, Ned's supposedly kidnapped sister. Ned nearly loses in a melee to Dayne, until Daddy Reed stabs him in the back. Which is supposed to show us that Ned wasn't as honorable as he seemed in season one. I'm not sure how a different character stabbing someone in the back during war is supposed to show that Ned Stark is shady, but Bran seems shocked, anyway. Ned was just that much of a Boy Scout that even anyone doing anything bad in his general vicinity taints him.
The vision ends with Ned appearing to hear Bran as he ascends the steps to Lyanna, who is crying out, apparently in pain. "That's enough for one day," the Three-eyed Raven says. Dammit. Everyone has already guessed what Lyanna is doing up in that tower, HBO! The first thing that comes up in Google if you search "L+" is "L+R=J!" The cat's out of the bag!
As the AV Club's Myles McNutt put it in his recap:
One didn’t need to dig far into the A Song Of Ice And Fire fandom to discover “R + L = J,” a theory that is as close to being canon as a “fan theory” could possibly be. I have no recollection of the “Tower of Joy” from reading A Game Of Thrones for the first time as a teenager, but interactions with the fan community have since made its importance abundantly clear. It’s the perfect example of a fan theory that ceases to become “just a theory” the second you hear it explained: it’s both logical and poetic, and creates a clear path to uniting two of the show’s central characters, and so it’s never been something I’ve questioned once hearing about it. And it’s also become so mainstream that after tonight’s episode, my mother—I’m visiting with family—explained that she had Googled it, and was able to recount the theory in its entirety.
A girl can see again.
Finally, Arya was given her sight back by Jaqen H'ghar. But not before she learns how to fight blind. Great. Not to be a sourpuss little baby but this was totally better in the books because Arya doesn't learn how to operate blind. She cheats by accidentally warging into a nearby cat, and ends up fooling the faceless men. Oh yeah, in the books all the Starks have Bran's powers, they just don't know how to use them properly. Read the books!
Nice little moments:
Tormund pointing out that Jon Snow can't be a god because he has a small penis. This is good to know.
Gilly's weird little monologue about how she thought the sea got its name. Gilly is a f*cking weirdo, gods bless her.
That scene when creepy Qyburn tries to win over Varys's little birds with candy. Fun fact, in the books Varys supposedly cuts out the tongues of his child spies. In the show he's basically just a fun uncle to them I guess.
I'm a fan of the actress playing the older khaleesi who gave Daenerys the business. And though I bet some fans are mad that Dany is not getting any closer to Westeros, I am excited for her plot line this season in general. What if she's able to unite the khalasars like it was prophesied her son would?
Next week:
The episode is called "Book of the Stranger." In Game of Thrones, The Stranger is the god who symbolizes death.
Wait, death on an episode of Game of Thrones?!?!
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Anna Nicole Smith's 9-year-old daughter looked a lot like her mom in her Kentucky Derby dress.
Anna Nicole Smith's daughter/mini-me, Dannielynn Birkhead, looks more and more like her late mother with every passing year. Dannielynn and her father, Larry Birkhead, were photographed together at the Kentucky Derby this past Saturday, and Dannielynn bears a striking resemblance to the former TrimSpa spokesperson.
Dannielynn, who is now nine years old, is living a very different life than her late mother did. She lives far away from the public eye, residing in rural Kentucky with her father, who has been raising her on his own since her mother's death in 2007.
Larry Birkhead met Anna Nicole at a Kentucky Derby party back in 2004, so the event holds a certain significance to the father and daughter. In a few years and with a couple of bottles of hair bleach, Dannielynn may truly turn out to be her Mom's doppelgänger.
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