Having sex for the first time (a.k.a. losing your virginity, to be coquettish about it) is a milestone in the life of any young man or woman. But it's a classic example of expectation vs. reality, in that most people expect it to be sweet, wonderful, romantic, and orgasm-making for both parties. But for these people on Reddit, at least, the reality of the experience was a bit more lackluster.
1. Wait, ThosePeaches, in the trunk of the car? Was there no backseat?
I lost mine when I was seventeen, in the trunk of my car, to a boy who only wanted to have sex because he was stoned and horny. It was in the middle of August so I basically fucked for the first time in a sauna. Then he laughed at me because I queefed.
2. Usedinpublic would've been done a lot sooner if Blanche had been up on screen because she's the sexxxy Golden Girl.
She wanted to wait until after prom like in the movies or something. She didnt want her mom to hear so she turned on golden girls to cover the sound. I lasted pretty long because Bea aurthur was starin over my shoulder.
3. This story from IamtheBiscuit isn't just the weirdest virginity loss story, it's probably the weirdest story on Reddit. Which is saying something.
I used to hang out with bums, freaks, and wierdos in the downtown area of my city. Took some friends and a girl that I'd been doing the 16yr old dance around the fact that I like you, down there to drink.
We end up running into this eccentric guy, tells us hes a vampire, spouts off weird ass shit, says he is 400+ yrs old, he looked to be mid 20s. Hes down to buy minors booze and we proceed to party.
As the night wears on he gets weirder and weirder. Shows us how to suck the life force out of someone, by sucking on said girl dance partner of mine.
We end getting a ride back to her place from the vampire, she's pretty drunk and invites him in (she never watched buffy, she doesn't know proper vampire etiquette). He goes full creeper, trying to make out with her, telling me we can have a three way.
I flip out, tell him to gtfo. Dude doesn't back down, I had to forcibly pull him off her bed and walk him out the door.
With the vampire vanquished I return to her room and she asks me to sleep with her, not in the sexy way. We wake up in the morning, I awkwardly say 'wanna have sex?' She said yes, I lasted a full minute.
4. Josh_Thompson lost his to that special someone who had always been there for him all along, providing comfort and good times. (Okay, spoiler alert, he ended up boning a couch.)
It was awkward at first, then she made a move and we started kissing. Then she went to the bathroom. When she came out she was completely naked. We started making out on the couch in the room. She undressed me and I put the condom on, she helped me get it in her at first and it felt pretty good. Warm and squishy, that condom really killed me. I just closed my eyes and tried not to finish, which I did almost immediately. I felt so good and I just started thrusting really hard and came. I looked down and apparently at some point I had slipped out and instead of continuing in her I had managed to stick my dick between the couch cushions under her. Right after when I realize I had literally just fucked the couch our eyes met and she had this look of such disappointment and confusion. We didn't hang out much the next day, then I never saw her again. TL;DR I ended up fucking a couch
5. And then after they finished, FLICK_YOUR_EYE skittled on out of there.
I was young and we had all just woken up from a party. My boyfriend at the time was really tired and boring me to all hell so for some reason I said I would sleep with him if he woke up. We went up to one of the rooms with all my friends downstairs. We were nervous and I was kind of giggly. Finally we lied down and started. Yeah, it hurt, but after a bit it felt good, and I was enjoying it. Now just as he was about to finish, he leans in really close to my ear, and very sensually whispers "taste the rainbow", and came....
6. Cool, this story from blankityblank_00 is almost exactly the same as how your parents met.
I was spending the weekends with a bunch of crazy bicycle punks in the desert. I had been hooking up with this girl for about a month. we were in a huge tent witha fire canon going of in the background with a half hour loop of the sax solo from george michaels' careless whisper. the next morning i couldnt find my underwear so i ran to the car where my clothes were butt naked and everyone high fived me at breakfast. still in love nearly 2 years later.
7. Tejanoheat weaves a tale straight out of Penthouse Forum, what with the cold ground, fear of pregnancy, trucks, and a dad.
It was on the ground outside my high school. I was sixteen. Anyways we had gone up there, on a day we didn't have class, to make out and wound up having sex. I was too scared to finish because I didnt have a condom and I'm pretty sure football had practice or something because a bunch of trucks drove by. It stopped when her dad called and said he was picking her up.
8. Even getting into a hammock is actually impossible, so big ups to isarealboy772's horny friend.
Not my experience, but one of my friends drunkenly lost his virginity in a hammock over a river. His abs were apparently sore for about 5 days after that... Apparently it was miserable trying to keep steady.
9. First Papsmeere got wood, and then he was almost destroyed by wood.
i introduced said GF to parents and ask my dad to drop us off at friends house cuz we were going camping that night, before he drops us off he goes to the store and buys me a box of condoms, that night we akwardly shared a sleeping bag and it took me about 5 minutes just to get it in, she was very tight. about 10 minutes into it my friends out side of the tent decided to start chopping down a tree, this tree just so happens to land on the tent that we were in. never got to finish that night.
10. So that means Fatoldguy had sex for the first time in…'69! [Everybody high five.]
During the first lunar landing, my long time girlfriend and I were on her couch watching the TV broadcast. Got bored and started making out. Watched until after Armstrong's exit from the lander and the famous "That's one small step for man" quote and then went to the bedroom and got it on. Makes it easy to remember the exact day.
11. This story from westsideasses would be racist if anybody else did the thing in the story that the guy did, and even then it's still a little racist but definitely weird.
I lost it to an Asian guy I dated and as he was about to come he yelled "activate SOY SAUCE" and I really wish I was kidding.
12. M0rg4nz remembers her salad days, losing her V-card in the sextastic fields of Hidden Valley.
Instead of a romantic 'I love you', he said, "Why does it smell like ranch in here?"
13. For Coogcheese, two is company, four is creeped out.
Front seat of a 1977 Delta 88. Those big bench seats were great. Kinda surprised the couple in the back seat though.
14. What kind of boy loses his virginity on a race car bed? If this story from bell1375 is any indication, the luckiestboy in town.
Well I lost mine on a race car bed ... He was 17 and his room was decked out with hot wheels..
15. At some point in this story from grave_r0bber, somebody most certainly said, "Say hello to my little friend!"
This one's kind of lame, but I was 18 and just starting college, so I put an ad on Craigslist saying I was a virgin looking to lose it. I'd heard all the stories so I didn't think anything would actually happen, but I guess I was desperate enough to try.
So a day or two later I see a reply that seems genuine. We email a bit, trade numbers, and she's real. She's a mom of 2 and 15 years older than I am, but she looks good so I'm definitely interested. The day we finally meet, she brings me to her place, takes me to her room to wait for her as she takes a quick shower. She turned the TV on to Scarface, so while I'm getting more and more nervous/turned on I'm also seeing Tony Montana's rise to power. She comes out and we have a good time, and to this day I can't watch Scarface without a bit of nostalgia.
16. And today her name is Mrs. flabbergastedmoments.
It lasted about 3-6 seconds. I then cried, and told her I loved her.