In honor of fallen armed service people, Jessica Simpson put on a red-and-white striped bikini that was maybe two sizes too small but nobody's complaining. Simpson complemented her red, white, and boob look with her abs, a French manicure, and a kissy face. 

To quote her father, you can't cover those suckers up. 

The mother of two's Instagram is one of her more boobalicious photos from recently. Back around Valentine's Day there was this red bikini shot.

Definitely not as much lift happening with that scalloped top. It looks a lot more comfortable, though, than the other contraption she squeezed her boobs into.

Adele, singer and patron saint of breakups, stopped her latest concert mid-show to unleash her inner guru and tell an audience member with a tripod she should live in the now. With some British sass, she points at the lady, to remind her "I’m really here in real life, you can enjoy it in real life." Adele also adds a little bit of a guilt trip, reminding the videographer of how lucky she is to actually get to see Adele in the flesh.

This isn't the first time Adele's stopped a concert with an important message. Adele has previously taken time during her show to preach the gospel of Beyoncé, proclaiming her to be "Jesus F**king Christ."

At an Adele concert, the music is only part of the magic.

A baby who was abandoned as a newborn at San Francisco State University has now graduated from the same school where she was found 31-years ago. 

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, Jillian Sobol's biological mother, who was a 19-year old sophomore at the time, left her baby in a cardboard box in the laundry room of the Verducci Hall dorms just hours after giving birth to her. Both of  Jillian's biological parents promptly left the school without graduating. Now Sobol has truly come full circle, as she received a recognition even better than being dubbed the "Baby Jane Doe" — a diploma from SFSU. 

Jillian Sobol was left in the laundry room for hours before a male student discovered the baby, who was wrapped up in towels soaked with fluid and had her crudely cut umbilical cord still attached, while doing his laundry (nothing his mother taught him about doing his own laundry could have prepared him for that). He alerted the only other student in the laundry room at the time, Esther Wannenmacher, who was a nursing student studying newborn care, which is the most convenient coincidence ever. She was able to take care of Jillian until an ambulance arrived. 

Although Sobol always knew she was adopted, her adoptive parents, Sam and Helene Sobol, revealed the unique story of her birth to her when she was about 16. Since then, she has reunited with her biological father and reached out to her biological mother. It is very important to Jillian that her biological mother knows she is not mad at her, despite the whole "left in a laundry room in a box" thing. She told the San Francisco Chronicle. 

The biggest thing I needed her to know was that I didn't hate her. Iwrote her a letter to thank her for giving me the gift of life. And letting her know I was going to State, and that I had grown up with a wonderful family. And that I hoped to open the lines of communication.

After finding out that Facebook automatically filtered messages, Jillian checked her inbox and was surprised to find one from her biological mother that remained unread for over two years. Thanks a lot, Zuckerberg.  It read “I have something to tell you. I’m very proud of you. And thank you for being you.” Although Jillian has not replied to the message yet, she is planning to. 

Sobol graduated from SFSU with a bachelor's degree and has landed a full time job in event management for the summer. No word on if she will be planning baby showers and things like that. 

Twitter user @sw4ylol celebrated the start of the week by hacking Katy Perry's Twitter account in an attempt to stir up some dramz. The debacle began because @sw4ylol had a song taken down on SoundCloud. 

@sw4ylol then did some computer things which led to these tweets making a brief appearance on Katy Perry's account.

The recipient of @sw4ylol's hate was Keemstar, a YouTuber. @sw4ylol saved all their fake love for Taylor Swift.

This tweet is a big, hilarious deal because there's some bad blood between Swift and Taylor. Yes, that's a pun and it's also not because Taylor Swift has conveniently asserted power over the only term that describes her relationship with Perry.

Rumor has it that some backup dancers left Swift to re-join Katy Perry's tour. Swift does not like it when people leave her squad. Cue music video featuring every famous person but Katy Perry. (Swift has said that "Bad Blood" isn't about Katy Perry but rather an ex-boyfriend. It's unclear if people believe her.)

Twitter was curious how Swift would respond.

She didn't. At least online. In her head, anything could be happening. Let's assume that Swift didn't text Perry that all is good between them after seeing the mocking tweet.

Michelle Gregg, the mother of the 4-year-old boy who fell into the gorilla enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo on May 28, has come under fire for not adequately keeping an eye on her child. Not from the authorities, but from people outraged that the zoo decided to shoot the 17-year-old gorilla named Harambe in order to save the child.

In a Facebook post she's since deleted, Gregg defended herself from criticism she received on social media.

Her post reads:

I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers today. What started off as a wonderful day turned into a scary one. For those of you that have seen the news or been on social media that was my son that fell in the gorilla exhibit at the zoo. God protected my child until the authorities were able to get to him. My son is safe and was able to walk away with a concussion and a few scrapes…no broken bones or internal injuries.

As a society we are quick to judge how a parent could take their eyes off of their child and if anyone knows me I keep a tight watch on my kids Accidents happen but I am thankful that the right people were in the right place today. Thank you to everyone that helped me and my son today and most importantly God for being the awsome God that He is.

People on Facebook and Twitter have blamed Gregg (as well as the zoo itself) for the accident. There's even a petition to get the Cincinnati police to investigate Gregg for negligence, which got over 100,000 signatures in less than 2 days.

A lot of people questioned the zoo's decision, asking why tranquilizers couldn't be used instead. Maynard explained that “tranquilizers do not take effect for several minutes and the child was in imminent danger.”

Cincinnati Zoo Director Thane Maynard says the zoo stands by its decision to kill Harambe: "That child's life was in danger. People who question that don't understand you can't take a risk with a silverback gorilla—this is a dangerous animal. Looking back, we'd make the same decision. The child is safe."

Maggie McMuffin (probably not her given name, but let's hope there are generations of McMuffins out there) was on the second leg on her journey from New York to Seattle when she was told at the gate of her Jet Blue flight that she needed to change clothes, Mashable reported. "I felt very disrespected," McMuffin, a burlesque dancer, told KIRO. McMuffin was wearing a sweater, booty shorts, and thigh-high socks, which she'd worn on her ride from New York to Boston earlier that day. It was the booty shorts that tripped up Jet Blue at Boston's Logan Airport.

McMuffin offered to wrap her sweater around her shorts or hang out with a blanket on her legs. Both these options were a no-go.

The pilot and crew stood firmly by their decision that either McMuffin had to get some more coverage on her legs or she wouldn't be flying home. “I was told it was the pilot's final say so these are official rules that can be broken," she said.

In the end, McMuffin, who had made it through security and had hung out at her gate for 45 minutes with no problem, splurged on some $22 shorts. As far as airport shopping goes, she could've done worse.

McMuffin, who told KIRO that she didn't mention her job to crew before or after the incident, received a nearly $200 credit.

And the company comped her for those comfy-looking shorts, as they said in their statement.

The gate and on board crew discussed the customer’s clothing and determined that the burlesque shorts may offend other families on the flight. While the customer was not denied boarding, the crew members politely asked if she could change. The customer agreed and continued on the flight without interruption.

We support our crew members’ discretion to make these difficult decisions, and we decided to reimburse the customer for the cost of the new shorts and offered a credit for future flight as a good will gesture.

Is there any possibility that the airline was simply concerned that McMuffin's bare thighs were going to be rubbing up on their dirty old seats?

Worlds collided when Goldie Hawn went on vacation with her movie daughter Amy Schumer and her real daughter Kate Hudson. Hawn and Schumer are to star in a new mother/daughter comedy called Mother/Daughter (see PAGE 6: "Has Hollywood Finally Run Out Of Movie Titles?"). The three blondes went to Oahu, to do classic vacation things like read, sunbathe, and make fancily edited videos set to music.

Hudson chronicled the vacation with a mother-daughter selfie that just happens to feature her washboard abs.

And a picture of her and her abs reading bell hooks, which feminist icon hooks would certainly appreciate.

She even made this fancy montage of the gang on a yacht, eating meat and meeting dolphins.

Schumer's take on the journey was more Schumeresque, with her looking more pensive and cerebral on the boat.

She also had a wee bit of trouble in the pool, losing her balance over a pink flamingo.

So her fans wouldn't suffer a similar fate on the flamingo, Schumer made an instructional video of how to successfully disembark. 

Looks like it was a glamorous family vacation, for families both real and fake.  

Senioritis spreads quickly this time of year, and one University of Washington student is feeling it especially hard. A recently uploaded video shows a napping student plopping onto the ground from behind a projector screen in the middle of a lecture on storm surges.

According to the Daily Mail, the sleepy guy was actually nefarious prankster and engineering student Trong Huynh, who was wide awake and apparently not interested in sticking around to learn about the devastating effects of tidal risings on coastal development.

As you can see, the professor keeps his cool and opted not to comment on Huynh's surprise entrance and exit. Now that the video's gone viral, having raked in over 300,000 views by Tuesday, this lecture is one that these University of Washington students will never forget. Which is fortunate because you really need to be on your toes when a hurricane hits land.

Demi Lovato had a heartbreaking Memorial Day weekend. The singer's great-grandmother passed away this weekend, as fans found out via a recent Instagram. Mimaw, who lived up to the impressive age of 93, inspired a long tribute from Lovato, as well as the hashtag #RIPMimaw, to which you are free to tag all of your Mimaw related content.

Here's the message in full.

This morning I lost my world and the world's most special woman. I miss her more than words can even describe. There is an emptiness in my heart that only her spirit can fill and I pray that I will feel her by my side every single day until we meet again. I attribute my strength to her.. She held on when she lost the love of her life.. The one she was married to for 53 years. She smiled even though she lost a son just this year. She told everyone she loved them every single chance she got and she joked even when her strokes left her unable to speak properly. The smile that she had not only could light up a whole room but it most definitely lit up the entire nursing home. She was my great-grandmother but we were so close that I never knew it was possible that anyone could have the bond that we shared even 70 years a part. The pain I feel is almost unbearable but because of her strength I will power through it. The love and support I have received has been empowering and so special to me.. I love all of you so much and I am forever grateful for the prayers, texts and fan art my Lovatics have made me. Thank you.

Mimaw, I hope you are with Papa now.. I hate that I can't hear your voice but I love that you are no longer in pain. I love you so much and I miss you more than anyone could ever imagine. I'll miss your smile, your wittiness, painting your nails and your kisses. I really do love you more. Rest in peace and most importantly rest in the Lord. #RIPMimaw

Instagrams featuring Mimaw can be found throughout Lovato's account.

Fan art made by hundreds of "Lovatics" also paid tribute to the late and great Mimaw.

Rest in peace, Mimaw.

Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys are parents on their TV show, The Americans, and now they are in real life, too. On Monday, Russell was seen carrying the newborn (in some kind of body wrap thingy) in New York City, while her partner Rhys carried a car seat (presumably for the baby, and not as a weird man-bag). No word on if this means that they're also actually Russian spies, like in their TV show. Probably not, though.

No exact date for the baby's birth has been given, because just like the spies they play on TV and may actually be (but, again, are probably not), they are super secretive secret-keepers who don't phone the paparazzi immediately after notifying friends and family of the baby's weight and size. But a source told Us that Russell gave birth sometime last week, and that her mother and brother have been staying with them for the last week. Which is either lovely or exhausting, depending on family dynamics.

In an interview with The Independent, Once director John Carney chatted about his Begin Again (a 2013 musical rom-com) star Keira Knightley. Carney did not follow the adage that if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Instead, he started off by talking about the positive reviews for his new movie, Sing Street. "[I]t’s a small personal movie with no Keira Knightleys in it. It’s really rewarding," he said.

Carney's second slight against Knightley revolved around her entourage.

I like working with actors and I wanted to come back to what I knew and enjoy film-making again – not that I didn’t enjoy Begin Again but Keira has an entourage that follow her everywhere so it’s very hard to get any real work done, and so I was very ready to come back to Ireland and make films that nobody cared about who was in it or any of that crap.

The third hit was about Knightley's lack of singing prowess. "I think the real problem was that Keira wasn’t a singer and wasn’t a guitar player and it’s very hard to make music seem real if it’s not with musicians..." Ouch. "And as much as I tried to make it work I think that she didn’t quite come out as a guitar-playing singer-songwriter." 

From his experience with Knightley, Carney said, "I learned that I’ll never make a film with supermodels again."

Carney, weirdly, had great things to say about Knightley's co-star Adam Levine. Carney also praised Ruffalo, but that comes as little surprise.

Mark Ruffalo is a fantastic actor and Adam Levine is a joy to work with and actually quite unpretentious and not a bit scared of exposing himself on camera and exploring who he is as an individual.

After skirting around Knightley's acting abilities, Carney finally admitted full on that he thinks little of her acting. "Keira’s thing is to hide who you are and I don’t think you can be an actor and do that," he said. "So it’s not like I hate the Hollywood thing but I like to work with curious, proper film actors as opposed to movie stars."

Then he "rubbished" Keira, saying, "I don’t want to rubbish Keira, but you know it’s hard being a film actor and it requires a certain level of honesty and self-analysis that I don’t think she’s ready for yet and I certainly don’t think she was ready for on that film."

Directors Mark Romanek and Lorene Scafaria, who worked with Knightley on Never Let Me Go and Seeking a Friend for the End of the World respectively, have since stood up for Knightley, E! News reported.

That's two against one, in favor of Keira. She's the winner in this round.

Kylie Jenner, American patriot, honored the fallen troops with a particularly naked Memorial Day pool party.

The 18-year-old had models over at her mansion, as many 18-year-olds do, for such activities as taking Instagrams and taking Snapchats.

Model Camila Morrne posted a similar, even-less-subtle snapchot of the attendees and their butts, in what looks like an updated version of the Pink Floyd poster every freshman dude had in their college dorm.

Speaking of butts, Kylie and Hailey Baldwin showed off their sultry tattoos, with Kylie having ironically imprinted the phonetic spelling of "sanity," and Hailey writing the Portuguese word for "people" along her hip. 

With all the attention paid to their butts, Kylie and Hailey made sure that the people remember what their beautiful faces look like on Snapchat, with excessive selfies.

Kylie was genuinely pissed when Hailey hogged BOTH the dog filters.

Kylie had fun with herself as people were dancing in the background.

And finally, not to be upstaged, Khloé stopped by to remind people about her butt. 

What a wonderful way to kick off summer, the season when Kardashians wear even less clothing than usual. 

On May 27, beautiful Hollywood actor Kate Beckinsale was on The Graham Norton Show, where she revealed that director Michael Bay doesn't think she's beautiful. You're probably thinking, "No way he actually said that," but it turns out, he pretty much did. Repeatedly, too.

When Beckinsale worked with Bay on 2001's Pearl Harbor, the director had plenty of great stuff to say about her co-stars, Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett, but not much to say about her. In fact, he seemed to think her one attribute was that women wouldn't find her so intimidating they'd skip the movie. She told Norton:

When we were promoting the film, Michael was asked why he had chosen Ben and Josh, and he said, "I have worked with Ben before and I love him, and Josh is so manly and a wonderful actor." Then when he was asked about me, he'd say, "Kate wasn't so attractive that she would alienate the female audience." He kept saying it everywhere we went, and we went to a lot of places.

She's not making this up. In a 2001 interview with Movieline, when Bay was asked why he chose Kate Beckinsale, he said:

I didn't want someone who was too beautiful. Women feel disturbed when they see someone's too pretty. I'm not saying Kate's not pretty. When you look at Titanic, Kate Winslet is pretty, but not overwhelmingly beautiful. That makes it work better for women. Our Kate is very funny, could hang with the guys. She's not so neurotic about everything, like some actresses. She was solid, and I think the three of them had some really nice chemistry.

First of all, thank you, Michael Bay, for telling women what they do and don't like in other women! This is wonderful, useful information. Secondly, Kate Winslet is (also) indeed very beautiful. There is no way around that. In fact, one might argue, that's one of the reasons she's such a famous actress—she's pretty easy to look at. Third, seriously what does Michael Bay have against actresses named Kate? And lastly, how nice of him to say he chose his leading lady based mainly on how not beautiful (and also "solid") she was. That's one hundred percent not the rudest thing a person could say, technically.

This is Australian cyclist and breast implant recipient Sharon Heinrich. She met a kangaroo, and it didn't go all that well.

The before photo...

She was biking through the wine region of Clare Valley with her friend last week when they spotted one of Australia's famed leggy beasts on an embankment. 

“Just out of the corner of my eye I’ve seen this kangaroo up on this ledge,” Mrs Heinrich, 45,  told AAP. “I thought, ‘he’s cute.’"

And if kangaroos were exactly like how they have been portrayed in the media, the the three of them would have had a magical adventure.

What happened instead was horrific.

The "cute" kangaroo jumped on Sharon, landing his massively strong hind legs directly onto her torso and using her breast implants as a launching pad to then jump on to her friend.  

“They worked as airbags and have been ruptured by the ordeal,” she joked. 

Jesus. 

“We flew probably 1.5m after he hit us. I was on the ground and couldn’t breathe for about 10 minutes.”

She ended up breaking three of her ribs and, of course, her "airbags" will need to be replaced. Her friend suffered whiplash and a concussion, but they both feel lucky to have escaped with what they are considering minimal injuries. Plus, it gave her husband a really great opportunity to get her this: 

Because it's their special day, brides can be a little demanding when it comes to planning weddings, but this chick takes the tiered cake. Ella, as Redditor bridehairthrowaway calls her, has a very specific dress code for her bridesmaids that does not include red hair. 

She writes: 

So I've known my friend, who I'll refer to as Ella, since I was a child as she's the daughter of family friends but we've only become close in the past 2 or 3 years. She recently became engaged, and I readily accepted her offer to be part of her bridal party.

Yesterday morning I received an email from Ella. It seemed pretty standard but then when she got into the look she wants for her bridesmaids she wrote "Bridehairthrowaway, you'll need to dye your hair for the day, I'll take you to my hairdresser and cover the cost :)". This had never been mentioned to me. I'm a natural ginger, so it's not like I have an outrageous hair colour, although Ella and her other bridesmaids are all brunettes.

I texted Ella about it, she told me my hair would clash with the wedding colours and that brides get a veto over pretty much every aspect of her bridesmaids' appearances. She also mentioned my hair is quite "attention-grabbing" and I'd take away from the cohesiveness of the group. I told her I wasn't comfortable dying my hair. She said she'd get back to me but hoped I'd reconsider.

bridehairthrowaway sought reassurance that she's not as crazy as her friend. 

Am I being reasonable here? I've never been involved in a wedding before so I'm not quite sure what's expected of me. I've gotten some messages from the other bridesmaids who are telling me I should just do it.

TL;DR; requested by bride to dye my natural hair to make the bridal party more cohesive. I don't want.

Redditors commented to tell bridehairthrowaway not to give in to the bridezilla. 

kallisti_gold  offered a quick sample reply to Ella.

bickets thinks this is only the beginning.

What's next: this poor bridesmaid will have to dye her pubic hair? 

In case you didn't know, there is a new Harry Potter play set to premiere in London in about a week, and before you book your flight, you should know that it is pretty much impossible to get tickets for it (think Hamilton on steroids.) Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, which is the eighth official story in the Harry Potter series, is presented in two parts, and continues to chronicle the life of all of the series' most iconic characters (and some new ones), nineteen years after we last saw them. Here's the play's description, from the website:

It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn’t much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband and father of three school-age children.

While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places.

And here are some pictures of what Harry and Ginny look like all grown up in the new production, as well as their son, Albus. 

The boy wizard is a man wizard now. Harry aged like a fine butterbeer wine.

Ginny looks like a cool mom with her short haircut.

Albus Potter is the spawn of Harry and Ginny, so it will be impossible not to love him.

Author J.K. Rowling has been very involved in the play's production, and has had  nothing but glowing things to say about Jamie Parker (Harry Potter), Poppy Miller (Ginny), and Sam Clemmett (Albus Potter). With Rowling's seal of approval, Potterheads everywhere can rest assured that their childhood is in good hands.

Also, here is some behind the scenes footage of what this two part play is going to be. Again, you won't be able to get tickets for years. But like, check it out anyway. 

BuzzFeed discussed a fan theory that Daenerys Targaryen may not end up being the fan favorite savior many expect to sit the Iron Throne. The theory focuses on a rousing speech she gave in the last episode, plus a close look at some very brief visions from Bran. Warning: as always, spoilers for the most recent episode ahead.

The end of the most recent episode had Daenerys riding Drogon, and giving a fiery speech to the Dothraki. She declares for the first time that she will soon head to Westeros.

So, the latest fan theory suggests that her enthusiasm to take the seven kingdoms reveals vulnerability in the form of her father's madness, and that she may end up the villain instead of the hero. Just like papa, she could become too ruthless with anyone that stands in her way—maybe even too bloodthirsty. So instead of continuing to unify on her way to the top, she could recklessly destroy everything instead.

The theory is supported by a look at Bran's warging visions from the beginning of the episode. They show her father, the mad king, and his obsession with wild fire (which he used to burn anyone who disobeyed his rule). The vision also showed his demise at the hands of the king slayer, Jaime Lannister.

Additionally, there are a few snippets of a dragon (probably Drogon), and what appears to be a dragon shadow over Westeros. That could support the theory that she destroys Westeros instead of taking the throne. Of course, the dragons could also come in peace. 

A closer look at the visions reveals much more than just her capacity to become a mad villain like her father. The flashes also focus heavily on the White Walkers. Thus far, the TV series has shown that White Walkers can be killed by dragonglass or Valyrian steel. So it's possible that Daenerys and her dragons are the only ones that can defeat the undead and save everyone else. After all, Bran can see the past, the future, and probably everything in between.

But perhaps Bran will learn to warg into her dragons. Eh? That way even if she goes mad, her dragons could still save the world. When Bran met the three-eyed raven at the end of season 4, he asked whether he'd walk again. The response was, "You will never walk again, but you will fly."

It's not clear if Daenerys will become mad with power, or what will happen to her as she burns her way westward. What is clear is that the dragons will probably be necessary to defeat the White Walkers, because there are only a few existing swords forged from Valryian steel.

George Riggall ordered a pair of jeans from ASOS, but when they arrived, the pants seemed to be the wrong size. For anyone.

On May 26, Riggall tweeted a picture of the pants, which were supposed to have a 32 inch inseam. They look just the tiniest bit long—the inseam looks slightly closer to about 56 inches.

Riggall's tweet went viral, accumulating over 20,000 retweets and 40,000 likes. Speaking to BuzzFeed, Riggall described the jeans as “ridiculous." He said, "I opened them and I was stood with my mum and she just started crying with laughter. We couldn’t believe what I’d been sent, I was baffled—I don’t know who would fit these jeans. Probably nobody!"

Riggall's not the only one who received the strange jeans. On May 14, a man named Alex tweeted a picture of himself holding up a pair of ridiculously long jeans he'd received from ASOS.

These jeans do not seem to be made for the body of a human. Which is weird because who or what else would be ordering stuff online? What gives?

Mirror reached out to ASOS to ask them about the giraffe jeans and a spokesperson told them: "The ASOS Super Skinny Stacker jeans are a new menswear style which are cut longer than standard length to allow a gathered effect at the ankles. We have enjoyed the pics posted by our customers, here is how to wear them." They also included a link to the jeans online.

So there's the answer. The jeans are called "stacker jeans" and you wear them scrunched up like legwarmers. Those extra wrinkles of denim look both useless and uncomfortable, making them ultra fashionable.