Khloé Kardashian recently wrote a blog post called "5 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me," and it's a real literary masterpiece. She discussed her middle name, a revolutionary workout secret, but the biggest revelation of all was her peculiar phobia. Apparently she fears a specific part of the human body. So much so that she even avoids it in the shower.

Khloé fears belly buttons:

I hate belly buttons. You can't touch mine and I don't want to touch yours. When I'm in the shower, I wear hand mitts and I scream every time I wash my belly button, LOL!

Perhaps her soon-to-be ex-husband Lamar Odom was visiting brothels so he could get some of that forbidden belly button action. Speaking of Lamar, her current legal name is Khloé Kardashian Odom, though her original middle name was Alexandra. That's another fact she revealed in her post. And her big workout secret? She doesn't wear underwear while exercising.

The other remaining trivia facts are that her side hustle is voiceover acting (boring), and that her godfather is Sugar Ray Leonard, which is actually very interesting. Her list should have been titled "One Thing You Probably Don't Know About Me."

Take a look at your child. What do you see? A young human growing and developing before your eyes? Wrong. You should be seeing a dumbbell waiting to be thrust into the air. The women of Fit Moms/Mums of Instagram see their children as exactly that, incorporating their kin into their workout routines and attaining lean post-baby bodies that only the stress of their child's coming teenage years could destroy.

This Instagram account boasts over 211,000 followers, and features inspiring photos of fit moms, as well as videos of kids being used as physical weights by their parents. If America's childhood obesity epidemic keeps growing, these mothers are only going to get stronger.

There's a bounty of inspiring transformation photos on this account too.

Some moms got very creative, incorporating their child-lifts into normally mundane activities.

Finally, this isn't a workout, but it is a very nice video of a baby in a pot of chocolate that was shared on the account for some reason.

How do you solve a made-up, sexist problem? With a sexist solution!

China is making parking spots just for women. You know, because just in case you haven't overheard a conversation in a 1950s Elks Lodge, women suck at parking. Pan Zhuren, the director of a service area from Zhejiang province to Jiangxi province in China’s Southeast has already dedicated a portion of its 370 parking spaces to women drivers.

Parking correctly is so tough when you are a woman, so they've made the spots really easy to identify: they are bordered in pink (girls love pink!) and are branded with a pink stick figure with a triangle. It's so pretty it's almost not completely offensive to half the world's population.

The pink parking spots were sized 50% bigger than regular spots because as Zhuren says,  "some female drivers were having trouble reversing into parking spots, or are parking carelessly.”

And also to accommodate all those bags because women be shoppin', AMIRITE?

Zhuren doesn't seem to have presented any scientific evidence that women are worse at parking, (which is strange, because men are SO GOOD at science), but that's not keeping him from protecting men's cars from all those lady ding-bats.

The spots have been around since March, but are only now starting to get attention on Chinese social media. As Xuan Xuan Mer says on Weibo (Chinese Facebook): 

The bright side of this, if there is one, is that at least the women parking in those spots are that much further away from sexist men. 

This week, dating website OK Cupid announced that it's launching a new feature called "Flavors" that sorts users into groups based on their interests. According to their site, these "Quickmatch Flavors" are "like playlists of people," which is actually a really confusing way to describe a pretty simple feature.

You could think of this project like playlists of people, which was the developer’s original inspiration. Like we learned from the timeless wisdom of High Fidelity, there’s an art to the mixtape. It needs to be carefully curated and specific based on things you know about someone.

So basically, they're grouping people by hobbies and giving those groups cutesy names. Gym Rats, Beard Lovers, and Cinema Geeks are all pretty easy to figure out. However, "flavors" like Opposite Attractions, Randos, and Incisor Trading are not as clear. Randos?

We executed this idea because we wanted to explore how to reinforce what makes people unique. Personality and opinions matter when it comes to connecting with people. If it didn’t, we’d all be plain old vanilla. And Flavors speaks to that.

OK Cupid is "reinforc[ing] what makes people unique" by…grouping them together? Okay. That's not really how words work, but sure. They have a whole slew of statistics and colorful charts over on their site, so clearly they've done the research. For example, they determined that personality-based flavors, like Kinky Nerds, were more popular with the trial users than things like Best In Show (fashion savvy folks who also own dogs).

Overall, Flavors that spoke to personality traits fared better compared to groups that were curated based on an opinion. For instance, Best In Show (stylish dog owners) performed poorly as owning a dog and being fashionably-savvy doesn’t reveal someone’s characteristics. But personality-rich categories like Kinky Nerds (high on the kinky and nerdy axes) and Hipster Vegans (high on the hipster axis, have specific diet preferences) performed better, as those produced a consistent ‘type’ of person.

Another thing they found was that people do not want to identify as a thing that has a gross name, like a gym "rat."

Another finding was that semantics can make or break a category. For example, one Flavor included athletic gym-goers, which yielded our most attractive group by far. Yet people didn’t respond well to the title ‘Gym Rats.’ And that makes total sense, because rats are nasty. On the other hand, people responded well to Flavors with sexier titles, like Kinky Nerds and Hardcore Cuddlers.

Well, that explains why Ugly Losers Who Love Garbage didn't make the flavor cut.

Sometimes a Wednesday's just no good (or a Monday, or any day, because your life is a Dilbert comic strip). There are hundreds of thousands of droopy pug gifs that attest to that fact.

But sometimes you need a human voice (or at least, a Twitter voice) to put your grouchiness into words. Enjoy these 21 tweets about having a bad day, because they probably won't make yours any better.

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Maybe this kid is playing too many violent video games, but when he witnessed armed robbers holding up the GameStop he was in, he did not hesitate to throw a fully charged Shoryuken into the robber's arm. 

WJLA reported that two armed suspects entered the GameStop in Silver Spring, Maryland around 9 pm when the young boy and his family were shopping. The two men pointed a gun at the young boy's parents and demanded they get on the floor.

That is when the boy sprung into action, and even though he was just way too tiny to take down the bad guys, he probably felt like he was doing this:

His father told local news, "He's a brave little boy, and he recognized he was in a dangerous situation. And there was a stranger and he was trying to defend himself."  The boy wasn't hurt, and no injuries from anyone else in the store were reported either. The father explains, "I said out loud, 'I need my son'. He broke free from them and came to us."

However, two suspects stole all of the money out of both of the tills, as well as taking the cell phone of one of the GameStop employees. Police are still looking for the suspects, and GameStop is offering a $10,000 reward for any information that could lead to an arrest of these two men, who are obviously even harder to beat than M. Bison.  

The two most enduring cultural phenomena of the 1970s—Star Wars and Saturday Night Live—joined forces last season to show real celebrities (and SNL actors doing celebrity impressions) audition for the new trilogy. Now SNL is back with deleted scenes from last year's sketch, including (real) Matthew McConaughey's Lando Calrissian and Vanessa Bayer as Jennifer Lawrence as Captain Phasma. Shia LaBeouf appears as well, although he's less 'auditioning' and more...doing whatever he does. All these great 'auditions' must've been hidden in a droid for the past year, because they're better than most brand-new sketches. 

Here's the final cut of the sketch, which also featured Hamm Solo and his space hands. You'll find the lack of Janelle Monae disturbing. 

What would you do if you overheard a gaggle of teen girls acting like characters from Mean Girls while you were trying to enjoy some Starbucks? Listening to a bunch of snobby brats bragging about how popular they are can really kill a buzz. Educator Michelle Icard (of Michelle In The Middle) found a way to handle just such a situation that was so good (so "fetch," if you will), it went viral.

At first, Michelle took to Facebook to complain. Here is what she wrote while sitting next to a bunch of bratty cool girls:

And that was actually the right thing to do, because Michelle had a friend who commented with a great idea on how to handle things. 

Her friend Brook Dwyer suggested she buy these queen bees some more tasty Sbux with some pointed words of wisdom attached to watch their reactions. That's exactly what Michelle did (without the waiting-for-the-reaction-like-a-cartoon-villain part): 

Here's what the note looked like:

The note reads:

"Hi Girls!

I sat near you today in Starbucks and listened as you talked. You three are obviously pretty and hard-working. I wish your kindness matched your pretty exteriors. I heard you talk about a girl who sang a song about being lonely in the talent show - and you laughed. About a girl who couldn't be lead singer because you got all the votes, about crappy presents other people have given you…and you sounded so mean and petty.

You are smart and you are pretty. It would take nothing from you to also be kind. - M."

Hopefully, even if they rolled their eyes about it when they first got it, these girls eventually take the letter to heart. 

While responses to this approach have been generally been positive, a few people complained (no good deed, amirite?) that it was unnecessary to compliment or even mention that the mean girls were pretty. Here is how Michelle responded to that in her comments section:

 It's tricky and I gave it some serious thought. In this case, I thought it was important to include because I wanted to speak their language (that's how they compliment each other) before delivering the blow and I also think fitting in physically is the way so many girls try to hide bad behavior. But point well taken - in other circumstances appearance would not be integral to the lesson. 

We good? (We'll never be 100% good, this is the internet ,and someone will always be mad.)

Hopefully, Michelle taught everyone a valuable lesson today. Now get out there and go talk some shit at a Starbucks. There could be a free Frappuccino in it for ya. 

Like a lot of pregnant women, Jordan Thiering of Brandon, Mississippi wants to keep her placenta after giving birth. After learning about the health benefits of eating the placenta (which are not yet scientifically proven but may include an increase in energy as well as milk production), Thiering called the hospital where she planned to deliver to let them know her plans. That's when she learned that in order to be allowed to keep her placenta, she'd need a court order. Great, just another thing to add to the "Getting Ready For Baby" list.

The hospital told Thiering that it was an issue with the Mississippi Department of Health. According to a memo written by state epidemiologist Dr. Thomas Dobbs and obtained by The Clarion-Ledger, the placenta is technically defined as "medical waste." The memo says that "no hospital or other facility may release non-infectious medical waste (including placental tissue) without there first having been obtained by a court order, or other judicial mandate, which will assure proper disposal by the release."

Thiering was understandably frustrated. She wrote about her situation in a Facebook post, and was contacted by Jacqueline Hammack, an attorney who specializes in women's health issues. While Hammock had never dealt with (or even heard of) the legal implications of keeping one's placenta, she wanted to help. While she had no placenta to give Thiering, she was happy to provide legal assistance.

I told her I would love to help her out, that this was a crazy thing she was experiencing. Placenta release was a new endeavor for me but I read the law, talked to her, got all the pertinent facts and I made a petition that I hoped would be sufficient and it was.

So on May 2, Thieringpetitioned the Rankin County Chancery County for the rights to her placenta, and the order was granted on May 17. Thiering told USA Today:

It was pretty simple but totally unnecessary in my opinion to need any of that. I don’t think it’s right for someone who has no experience to dictate what a woman can do with her body…he’s not a woman. He shouldn’t have a right to dictate what I can do with my body. It’s your body part and no matter what women want to do with it, it’s their right to have it. . . I grew my baby, I grew my placenta. There should be no one that can tell me what I can or can’t do with it.

Hammack says she hopes their success will make it easier for other women who want to keep their own placentas, for whatever reason. After all, women don't usually have to get a court order to keep the baby that came inside that placenta.

Professor Jason Hansen was teaching students at Brigham Young University in Utah about kidney function when he decided to bring in some secondary school teaching tactics and invite a student to take part in a practical lesson. Professor Hansen, Fox 13 reported, offered a student some extra credit on the condition that she slug back a little vial filled with his urine. Though the student was provided with a trash can in case she got hit with some nausea, she aced the extra credit assignment. 

One kid snapchatted the incident and met with Fox 13. "It has nothing to do with how well we study," the young student said. So is this girl upset her professor made a kid drink pee, or that everyone wasn't given an equal chance to drink bonus pee?

In truth, there was no urine drinking. The vial was filled with food coloring and ammonia. The students didn't seem to be aware of this, although Hansen does this gag every year, so at least one kid must've known. In a statement to Fox13, Hansen said he always tells the kids during their next meeting that he didn't force feed a student his own piss. This time around, due to some students' dissatisfaction and Fox 13's inquiry, Professor Hansen let the kid in on the joke earlier. 

The exercise we did in class where we used fake urine to illustrate principles of hydration and dehydration.  The color of your urine dictates how well your body conserves water.  The darker the urine, the more your body is trying to conserve water.  The fake urine was used to illustrate that purpose.  Furthermore, physicians used to drink urine to determine various metabolic diseases by the taste, including determining how sweet it was for as diagnosis of diabetes.  In class, we used the fake urine for this purpose.  I asked a student if they were willing to try some of the fake urine.  She agreed. I agreed that we would both try it.  I have done this in the past with no complaints.  Later, usually the next class, I tell them that it was fake.   This is usually a fun way to teach this concept to the class and was not intended to offend anyone.  After getting your email on Saturday, I did send a message to everyone letting them know that it was indeed fake.

You'll have what she's having?

Cool. She's having a baby. 

Many women have said since forever that the birth of their baby was the best day of their lives, and now we now why. In some very earth-shattering news, a new study suggests the act of giving birth makes some women cum. (Sorry to be graphic, but grow up; every pregnancy is just the consequence of somebody's orgasm anyway.)

YouTube channel Channel Mum spoke to 2,209 mothers about different facets of their pregnancies, and found that a quivering 6% of them had what they call "orgasmic births." Literally, they had actual orgasms while pushing out their child. 

Generally, giving birth is portrayed as the worst experience possible, second only to having to live with the wretched beast until adulthood. And that is true, unless you are one of the lucky 6%. Then 

Obviously, this story is very pleasurable for women.

Although, strangely, not everyone is thrilled. 

No, you can't say it's gross. It's NATURAL.

If you flat-out don't believe this exist, you can watch at this couple actually having an orgasm birth. At home. In a (very literal) kiddie pool. (WARNING: At one point, the father sings into her vagina). It's a good thing they filmed that. Some day, that child can look his dad in the face and ask him if he ever made his mom come that hard. 

On Saturday, performer Kesha took the time to address a troll on Instagram who thought it was really important that she know he thinks she's an ugly "whore." She posted a picture of herself at the beach, ass facing the camera, and assured him that his opinion had been heard loud and clear, and that she seriously couldn't care less.

The caption to the picture reads:

dear @jackknife76 I see that you would very much like me to know that you think I'm ugly, and also a "whore". well, I understand that that is your opinion, but I disagree. I'm not perfect but I'm pretty fucking magical. and also, I am not, in fact, a whore. also bullying someone who has struggled publicly with body issues is pretty mean. thank god I'm in a place in my life where I feel empowered to address your nasty comments instead of letting them destroy me. so. on behalf of anyone anywhere who struggles with body image, STOP IT. my body is not your business. in conclusion, kiss my magical imperfect ass

Damn straight. Kesha, who is still in the middle of a legal battle with the label Sony and producer Dr. Luke, has too much going on in her life to listen to randos on the Internet weigh in on her body.

Kesha's been pretty candid about her struggles with body image in the past, telling Vogue during a 2015 interview:

I went to an eating-disorder specific rehab site where a nutritionist taught me that food is a positive thing for your body. I realized being healthy is the most important thing I can do for myself. . . Every day I have to look in the mirror and make the choice to be kind to myself. This is who I am—I have to love that.

Trolls can say whatever they want—that won't make Kesha's ass (and the rest of her body) any less magical.

Last week, the entire Internet became rightly enraged when an elite athlete at Stanford University was convicted of raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster and then given an extraordinarily lenient sentence because, to quote the judge, a longer sentence would "have a severe impact on him."

Before his son's sentencing on Thursday, the father of the 20-year-old rapist wrote a letter to the judge in the case saying prison would be too harsh a punishment. Specifically, too harsh because the assault only lasted 20 minutes. A letter by the father, Dan Turner, was posted to Twitter by a law professor at Stanford University, according to Jezebel.

A father "very respectfully" condoning his son's actions: 

As it stands now, Brock's life has been deeply altered forever by the events of Jan 17th and 18th. He will never be his happy go lucky self with that easy going personality and welcoming smile. His every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear, and depression. You can see this in his face, the way he walks, his weakened voice, his lack of appetite. Brock always enjoyed certain types of food and is a very good cook himself. I was always excited to buy him a big ribeye steak to grill or to get his favorite snack for him. I had to make sure to hide some of my favorite pretzels or chips because I knew they wouldn't be around long after Brock walked in from a long swim practice. Now he barely consumes any food and eats only to exist. These verdicts have broken and shattered him and our family in son any ways. His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life. The fact that he now has to register as a sexual offender for the rest of his life forever alters where he can live, visit, work, and how he will be able to interact with people and organizations. What I know as his father is that incarceration is not the appropriate punishment for Brock. He has no prior criminal history and has never been violent to anyone including his actions on the night of Jan 17th 2015. Brock can do so many positive things as a contributor to society and is totally committed to educating other college age students about the dangers of alcohol consumption and sexual promiscuity. By having people like Brock educate others on college campuses is how society can begin to break the cycle of binge drinking and its unfortunate results. Probation is the best answer for Brock in this situation and allows him to give back to society in a net positive way.

Very Respectfully,

Dan A. Turner

In case you only read part of the statement:

"These verdicts have broken and shattered him and our family in so many ways. His life will never be the one he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life."

As a reminder, the "20 minutes of action" he was referring to was when his swim star son, Brock Allen Turner, raped a woman behind a dumpster.

Putting aside the incredibly poor choice of the word "action" right now, as though his son's event was a cut scene from Superbad, focus instead on this bizarre concern with the time table. Does he think punishments should be served up based on how long the assault took? It's almost as if his father thinks a rape doesn't count unless it lasts as long as an episode of Law & Order: SVU.

Who cares how long the crime took? If Brock had taken the victim behind the dumpster and shot and killed her with a gun instead, it would have been .2 seconds of action. By the father's sentencing math, his son would already be home with time served. 

Don't be so surprised your son managed to ruin a woman's life so quickly, Dan A. Turner. He was a swim star, you used to be proud of him getting a lot done in a short amount. In under 10 minutes your son can swim 1000 yards. How long do you think a rape should take?

The rest of the letter is almost equally appalling. Here he says people should go easy on him because he's never raped anyone before, as if the first one is free:

He has no prior criminal history and has never been violent to anyone.

What is this, rape me once, shame on you?

How about this obnoxious passage about how the rape conviction has ruined his son's ability to enjoy steak:

I was always excited to buy him a big ribeye steak to grill... now he barely consumes food and eats only to exist. 

Basically, his dad is very upset that his son is getting any punishment at all for raping a woman.

“He will never be his happy go lucky self with that easy going personality and welcoming smile,” his dad laments. “His every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear, and depression.” 

It almost sounds as if his son was the actual victim of his crime.

You want to really see the negative effects of your son's actions, Dan? Every time you feel bad that your son don't like steak no more, read this powerful statement by his victim.

Lindsay Lohan, adorable child star turned cautionary tale, loves her remake of The Parent Trap as much as you do, setting aside time to visit a fictional character's home in London.

Hearkening back to the days when there was not one but two of her, both of whom showed remarkable promise, Lohan stopped by the house where Annie, the British Twin, lived with her mum. 

This isn't Lohan's first public display of Parent Trap nostalgia. Earlier this year, she lip-synced to her own voice in a scene from the movie.

In 2014, Lohan made Andy Cohen one of the twins by teaching him the famous secret handshake.

Oh, how times have changed.

Maisie Williams/Arya Stark attended a fundraiser—for the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC)—that required a nice outfit. Williams dressed the part to support the NSPCC's Summer Masquerade Ball and had a great time aiding the organization.

The 19-year-old was less pleased when she saw an article regarding her attendance at the event. Williams offered up another suggestion for the article's headline.

The headline is mostly strange because it states that Williams didn't wear a bra. Given William's modest dress, asserting as much requires a very close look at her boobs.

There could very easily be a strapless bra under that rather lovely dress. Either way, Williams has once again made it difficult to figure out who you love more: her or Arya Stark.

Singer Demi Lovato confirmed her split with actor Wilmer Valderrama in an Instagram post over the weekend. It appears the breakup is amicable, since her post had nothing but good things to say about Valderrama and their mutual decision. They had been together for six Hollywood years, which is 42 regular person years (same conversion as dog years).

Here's her post, which apparently is part of a larger collection of poetry in the notes section of her iPhone:

After the announcement, Lovato went to a UFC fight with her mom, just like anyone does after a big break up:

That's right, she went to a UFC fight and sat ringside with her mom. That's pretty badass. The only way Valderrama could top that is if he went skydiving.

Olivier Award-winning actress Noma Dumezweni is playing Hermione in the new play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and although you would think that people would be happy that an accomplished and qualified actress will be stepping into the role, racists everywhere are whining that only a white woman should be playing the part. J.K. Rowling discussed the controversy surrounding the casting in a recent interview with The Guardian. 

With my experience of social media, I thought that idiots were going to idiot. But what can you say? That’s the way the world is. Noma was chosen because she was the best actress for the job. When John told me he’d cast her, I said, ‘Oh, that’s fabulous’ because I’d seen her in a workshop and she was fabulous.

She also expressed her enthusiasm for a black Hermione on her Twitter account when the casting was first announced, and is probably more exhausted having to defend the casting than you are having to read about it.

Internet trolls and racists are citing "continuity" as the source of their outrage, saying that because Emma Watson played Hermione in the film franchise, the play's creative team owes them a white Hermione.

The play's director John Tiffany is equally as fed up with angry trolls punching out racists rants from behind their computer screens, but he thinks the whole controversy makes putting a woman of color in a leading role even more important, so keep hating, haters.

The anonymity breeds horrors so after a while I stopped reading it. But what shocked me was the way people couldn’t visualize a non-white person as the hero of a story. It’s therefore brilliant that this has happened.

Angry Harry Potter readers tried to use Rowling's own words against her by pointing out that she had allegedly referenced Hermione's ethnicity when she wrote that her "white face" peered out from behind a tree in The Prisoner of Azkaban, but decided to ignore the context where the color was drained from Hermione's face because she was afraid. The girl just used her time-turner to save Buckbeak for crying out loud. That shit is scary! Rowling said: 

I had a bunch of racists telling me that because Hermione ‘turned white’ – that is, lost colour from her face after a shock – that she must be a white woman, which I have a great deal of difficulty with. But I decided not to get too agitated about it and simply state quite firmly that Hermione can be a black woman with my absolute blessing and enthusiasm.

They also mysteriously seem to forget that in chapter four of that same book, Hermione's complexion is described as "very brown." 

They were there, both of them, sitting outside Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlor — Ron looking incredibly freckly, Hermione very brown, both waving frantically at him. 

Whether people agree with the casting or not, the choice to have Dumezweni play one of the most beloved characters is not deterring an audience. The show, which opens to the public tomorrow, is already largely sold out, and tickets aren't available until 2017.