If you watch TV, you're probably aware by now that Oprah loves bread. She loves it, you guys. She loves it so, so much. She feels so passionately about carbs that it was the subject of her Weight Watcher's commercial. You know, the one where she stares directly into camera and emphatically says "I LOVE BREAD," arms outstretched like they are ready to receive a baguette at any moment.

If you need a refresher on the greatest love story of our time (Oprah + Bread 4EVA), here is the original 30-second commercial spot.

Now, comedian Maya Rudolph spoofed Oprah's Weight Watchers commercial on Maya & Marty, the variety show she co-hosts with Martin Short. (Editor's note: Maya Rudolph and Martin Short have a show together???? whaaaaa?) The original commercial is almost too ridiculous on its own to skewer, but the consummate pro Rudolph rose like delicious baking bread to the occasion with a spot-on impression of the not-gluten-free celeb. 

Britney Spears or Rihanna probably don't remember the first time they took a photo of themselves in a goddamn bikini, but 21-year-old Lesley Miller will remember her first bikini pic forever. "I've spent the past 18 years of my life waiting," she says of the photo, which she posted to the Facebook group Love What Matters. It's since been liked over 24,000 times, and not even for pervy reasons.

The post reads:

I've spent the past 18 years of my life waiting.

I kept my body covered up and hidden away. I told myself that one day I would finally let myself be seen; I would finally do all of the things I dreamed of when I was enough. Thin enough, happy enough, confident enough. When my body looked the way that it was "supposed" to.

I fought my body every step of the way, continually ashamed and silent.

When I was three my classmates asked why I was so much bigger than them. Why I didn't wear the same smock they did.

When I was seven, I lied to the lady at Weight Watchers, desperate to sit in on meetings full of middle aged women trying to shed a few pounds.

When I was nine I went to weight loss camp and stood in line the first week to take my "before" photo.

When I was eleven the surgeon cut into my stomach, and he told me how happy I would finally be. I was the youngest person to have weight loss surgery.

When I was fifteen, I started cutting into my own skin. I thought I deserved it.

When I was twenty, I lost half my body weight in nine months, my worth for the day solely determined by the number on the scale being lower than the day before.

And then I got tired of waiting.

So now I'm twenty one and I bought my first bikini. EVER.

You can see it all. Weird bulges and rolls of fat. Hanging excess skin. Stretch marks, cellulite, surgical and self harm scars. Awkward protrusion on my abdomen from my lap band.

I want to learn to love all of myself, not just the parts I've been told are "acceptable." Because the secret is, I was always enough. And you are too.

It's a nice reminder, just in time for summer: you too can wear a bikini. Try it. It will make going to the bathroom at the beach easier.

A 17-year-old East Texas girl identified only as "Sarah" recently declared her intention to take her girlfriend to prom. Instead, her religious parents decided to send her to a year-long gay conversion "camp" in rural Texas. This outraged the girl's extended family (plus, what kind of camp lasts a whole year?!) so they're taking action. And they've got thousands of Internet strangers on their side.

Sarah's cousin, UT San Antonio student Joey Jordan, started a GoFundMe page called "Save Sarah." The goal: to raise money for an escape attempt so they can bust her out of God Jail. Jordan's campaign is aiming to raise $100,000 for the hefty legal fees necessary to secure her release. In Jordan's own words:

Meet my cousin Sarah. At 17, her future looks bright. She is in the top 10% of her class, runs cross-country and belongs to the National Honor Society and the debate team. She is also gay. Like any high school kids in a relationship, Sarah and her girlfriend wanted to go to prom together. But when they did that, Sarah’s parents, who believe that homosexuality is a sin and abnormal, sent Sarah away against her will to an East Texas Christian boarding facility for troubled teens to “pray away the gay.”

Sarah is understandably struggling with this awful environment, which sounds like something out of a Soviet gulag:

Not only does this type of “therapy” not work, mental health professionals from organizations like the American Medical Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics have found it to be psychologically damaging, especially for minors. And Sarah has been told that she must stay in this facility for a whole year. So instead of being surrounded by friends and extended family who love and support Sarah for who she is, she’ll be isolated in a place where the fact that she is gay is treated as a sin and an illness. Instead of preparing for college and competing in the state debate tournament, she’ll be doing forced labor every day and enduring Bible-based “therapy” for her “disease.”

She is not allowed phone calls or email or any form of computer communication. She is also not allowed visitors and cannot leave the property. She is completely cut off from the outside world. She tried to run away, but was caught by the staff and returned to the facility.

Spread the word so being gay doesn’t mean losing freedom for Sarah. #savesarah.

Luckily, Jordan's campaign is working. After a write-up in the Houston Chronicle, which confirmed through Sarah's lawyer that the story is true, Jordan's campaign went viral on the Internet. In the days since the GoFundMe was launched on June 4, it's raised $40,000, and not a minute too soon. The legal fees have already reached $20,000, and are just beginning to mount.

Jordan pledges that any leftover money from the campaign will be used for a college fund for Sarah. So feel free to donate if you want to contribute to the future of this promising young woman. She'll need it after spending months in the Alcatraz of homophobia.

It's time to revisit one of our favorite topics: the many things that surprise foreigners the most about the good ole' US of A. This handy Reddit thread asked people from other places (ew!) as well as well-traveled patriots to share the things that would "shock non-Americans" but wouldn't cause a "second thought" in the best country in the world.

In a country where Florida News is an established trope, it takes quite an unbelievable story about the homeland to surprise an American. It takes considerably less for a foreigner.

1. Let's start with a rather positive note about Yankees, from citizen_coping. There will not be many more.

Although this comment was perhaps shared by an American, other redditors from around the world were quick to agree. Such as Dirtface1:

2. Other people had less stellar, saltier reviews of American customs, like this one from EnFlagranteDelicto:

3. Differentdog brings up something that's quite unthinkable.

4. Terpin piles onto the idea that Americans are just crazy friendly. Who knew?

5. American happiness is even more impressive considering the truth of this comment.

6. Whatever, thisimpetus, we're an interesting topic. Americans just happen to love talkin' bout Americans.

7. AnthillOmbudsman brings up an old favorite.

8. Stileutenantprincess should create a "Make America British Again" super PAC.

9. Seeyouyeah reminds us that guns are not for funs in most parts of the world.

10. Americans have places to be, partytimebro.

11. TheMusketDood innocently pointed out that the USA is huge compared to other places.

12. Candydaze brings up an old grievance that people in Delaware don't worry about.

13. Uh, Ser_Rodrick_Cassel? Are you talking about a garbage disposal, or did you go abroad with a serial killer?

14. 77remix probably got tricked into tipping at a McDonald's.

15. VeganPowerViolence has some sort of pro-food agenda that Americans will never understand.

16. Way to get real, KevlarGorilla. They're working on it.

17. Alocholicdogethrower might actually be a tourism rep from Dallas, because this sounds like fun to a lot of us. (Real talk: wild hogs are dangerous af.)

18. Dirtyburgg has been converted and will gladly attend your Thanksgiving.

19. This is, again, because we just have so much to get done.

20. On the other hand, Beastleh, you should see how British people react to the word 'fanny.'

21. And tylerjames, please report for your drug test immediately.

Thirteen years ago, Brian Banks was a promising California high school football player on his way to a full scholarship at USC. Then he was accused of rape, told the jury would never believe him, pressured to plead guilty, and sentenced to six years. The woman who claimed he raped her later recanted her statement, and he was declared innocent after wrongfully spending five years in prison with five years of parole. Brock Turner, meanwhile, is a 20-year-old Stanford student whom two eyewitnesses saw raping an unconscious girl. He was only sentenced to six months in county jail as punishment.

As you can imagine, Banks—who, it should be mentioned, is black—isn't happy about this.

Said Banks to the Daily News:

I would say it's a case of privilege. It seems like the judge based his decision on lifestyle. He's lived such a good life and has never experienced anything serious in his life that would prepare him for prison. He was sheltered so much he wouldn't be able to survive prison. What about the kid who has nothing, he struggles to eat, struggles to get a fair education? What about the kid who has no choice who he is born to and has drug-addicted parents or a non-parent household? Where is the consideration for them when they commit a crime?

He later added, "You know a man is guilty, so why aren't we unleashing half of the punishment that was unleashed on Brian Banks when he was innocent and there was no evidence? They gave me six years. They gave him six months." (Emphasis ours.) Damn. No way to put it more clearly than that.

Banks said that the female victim here "has been totally ignored. She has to live with her hardship and tragedy for the rest of her life." He continued, using a metaphor some may not like, but that's a right you get when you're falsely imprisoned:

I wasn't physically raped, but I was raped in a sense of my freedom. I was kidnapped, taken against my will, placed in a box for five years and two months. I was denied all human rights. When I screamed and pleaded and begged, it fell on deaf ears. It's a different form of being assaulted and taken advantage of. I know what she is going through.

It's not like there's a real question here about the disparity in the sentences. Beyond the society-wide difference in sentencing for white vs black men, the judge explicitly said that when it came to Brock (unlike, say, a poor kid who the judge saw as having no potential anyway), quote, "a prison sentence would have a severe impact on him." That's why he gave him six months. That's why everyone's angry. That's why this story, out of many, is breaking through.

This election year has given comedians a veritable gold mine of material to use over the next several months, and it seems that Trump impressions are the most popular of all the political satire that you are sick of seeing all over your Facebook feed. SNL alum Dana Carvey is the latest comedian to show off his Trump impression, and he is Dana Carvey so obviously it is very good.

The only thing that could have made his Trump better is if his hands were much, much tinier. Carvey, who has famously done George H.W. Bush on SNL, pretty much can nail any President, past, present or (gulp) future.

Mayte Lara of Austin recently graduated from high school with a 4.5 GPA and a full-ride to University of Texas, which would be some achievements to celebrate if she weren't currently in fear of being kicked out of America. Lara deleted her Twitter account after she let it slip that she's an undocumented immigrant, the Daily Dot and BroBible reported. That's usually something you want to keep to yourself and not share with the Internet.

The secret's out, guys. Mayte Lara has nice legs.

Twitter had a field day ripping into this teen and her "nice legs."

Other people defended Lara and her less than subtle brags.

Lara likely didn't sit around as a small child conniving how to con the American system. She's a kid from an immigrant family who could have relocated for a number of reasons that might tug at your heart strings if you knew the full story.

Lara is, however, a valedictorian so girl really should've known better than to write that tweet.

A teenager by the name of Tom has a Nerf gun and these days it's getting lots of use, since Tom's been taking aim at his dad's head quite frequently. Every time he is shot with the little foam pellet, Tom's dad exhibits a mixture of annoyance and amusement that is quintessentially British, and thus endlessly entertaining.

Tom's dad had a lot of great reactions, ranging from "You silly sod, Tom," to deeming his kid a "towel rack." Is that a common insult in Britain?

Tom's greatest moment came when he sniped his dad from inside the house.

Tom is getting good with the Nerf gun. His dad, meanwhile, seems to have completely given up on hoping his son will stop shooting him anytime soon.

Chewbacca mom won America's heart when she first strapped on that plastic Chewy mask and videotaped herself laughing with abandon while sitting alone in her car, representing how the little things could bring so much joy to people's lives. Now it would seem that Chewbacca mom's 15 minutes of fame has transformed her into the money-grabbing, opportunistic monster that Americans have come to expect from overnight Internet stars. But her video is still pretty cute, in case you somehow haven't seen it yet.

It has been about three weeks since Candace Payne's YouTube video went viral, and so far she has racked up over $400,000 in money and gifts, including trips to California, Disney World, and college scholarships for her and her family. But apparently that is not enough for the mother, since TMZ is reporting that she is charging fans $20 or more for her picture and autograph.

Payne had a booth at the Dallas' Fan Expo, a convention in her home state. Her booth was located directly next to Jack Gleeson's, who is actually a famous person and played Joffrey on Game of Thrones, so that is some prime, fan-exploiting real estate right there. According to TMZ, Payne's booth attracted an average-sized crowd of fans, and she was charging about $20 for her signature. For what it's worth, the convention did say that she is donating a "portion of proceeds" to a Texas Church, which is just vague enough to make people question how much a "portion" is and what church will be getting this money.

The last three weeks have been a whirlwind for Payne, who met J.J. Abrams, went to the Star Wars HQ, was on The Late Late Show with James Corden, and basically saw all her dreams come true. And she's still laughing hysterically all the way to the bank.

Moses William Hilton only left the comfortable space of his mother's womb on June 8, but he's already six to nine months old. Or at least, that's the clothing size he's wearing because this kid is yuuuge.

Upon aiding in his delivery via cesarean section, a nurse remarked that Moses is like "a mini sumo wrestler," ABC reported. While not the largest baby every—that prizes goes to a 23.12 pound Canadian behemoth from 1879—he was one of the bigger newborns that the Wichita, Kansas hospital had ever seen.

Moses came in at 14.4 pounds and 22 inches in length at birth, which is about twice the size of the average newborn. Little Moses puts his siblings to shame; his older sisters were a puny 9 pounds at birth.

Fascinatingly, Moses came 11 days early, probably because he ran out of growing space.

Long before he was Captain America, and even before he rekindled whipped cream fantasies in Not Another Teen Movie, Chris Evans was an adorably precocious high school junior sending unsolicited cover letters to casting directors in New York in hopes of finding an internship. Not only does he state his bonafides as an experienced theater nerd, he spells it "theatre," the British way, so people in the biz know just how sophisticated he is.

It reads:

March 28, 1998

To Whom it May Concern,

I am writing this letter to introduce myself to you and to make myself available to your firm for possible internship work during the summer of 1998. My name is Christopher Evans and I am a high school junior with an intense passion for theatre.

I have been actively involved in theatre for seven years and have chosen to spend the summer of 1998 taking acting classes on Saturdays at the Lee Strasburg institute in New York City.

Since my weekdays will be open I was hoping to arrange an internship in the city allowing someone to take advantage of a hardworking individual like me, in exchange for a tremendous opportunity to be exposed to the business side of theatre. I have enclosed a resume for you to review. I would greatly welcome any input you might have. I am currently planning on visiting New York City during the week of April 20th to April 26th. I could make myself available to you then or at any time you wish, should an interview be desired.

Thank you very much for your interest and for taking the time to look at this. I am most appreciative and I am very much looking forward to speaking with you.

Respectfully Yours,

Christopher Evans

In addition to the naive, adorable earnestness, the craziest part about this letter ACTUALLY WORKED.

The dumb luck of the successful cold call is as miraculous as Steve Rogers' transformation into Captain America. You know, with the Super Soldier serum. You guys are nerds.

Sad! An attempt at propaganda was proven to be just that—propaganda—when actor Bruce Campbell swooped in to set the record straight on an inaccurate (yes, how surprising) Tweet. Conservatives have been circulating a picture of an alarmingly bloody woman, claiming she had been beaten up by liberals for her support of Trump.

While the picture certainly is shocking, and violence is regrettably not all too unusual at Trump rallies, the unbelievable photo is not to be believed. Star of Ash vs. Evil Dead, Bruce Campbell, recognized the photo as his costar and called it out.

Samara Weaving is an actress, who often gets bloody on the job.

Here's the original photo from the set, which is likely full of liberals, but unlikely to break out into a riot.

Thanks Groovy Bruce for the truth. Make America Groovy Again.

For the June 8 CMT Music Awards, Nicole Kidman stepped out in a fancy dress to support her husband Keith Urban, who complimented his wife's outfit with ripped jeans.

Kidman's Michael Kors dress was in keeping with the drapey, vaguely witchy dresses she's been sporting of late. There was, however, something a little off about this recent outfit. It was as though Kidman—and her husband—had accidentally gotten caught in a paper shredder before hitting the red carpet.

And then, wanting to put the remnants of her dress to good use, Kidman slung the ripped fabric around her neck for this full effect.

While by no means, certainly, the most heinous outfit a red carpet has seen, this outfit is mightily disappointing especially given Kidman's recent Met Gala dress. Her Alexander McQueen getup was like a present sent straight from the gods.

Nicole Kidman, goddess of pale people.

Ilana Glazer, co-creator and star of Broad City, found out that some random dude was telling girls he wrote for her show, and in the biggest cock-block of all time, she called him out on it. By name. During a stand up set.

The liar in question, ID'ed by Glazer as Zach Jobin, probably had no idea that his lie would get around to the show's creator and become a three-minute long story performed for an audience at a bar in New York City.

A big hole in Jobin's story is that, according to an interview with Vice, Ilana and Abbi write the show with their close friends. So yeah, they would definitely know if this "Zach Jobin" was in their writers room. Of course, Glazer leaves the audience with some sage advice: "Don't fuck a dude 'cuz you think he works on Broad City."

Clinton cinched four more primary victories on Tuesday, making her the presumptive Democratic nominee, despite how many supporters of Bernie Sanders will remind you ad nauseam that she has not won the nomination yet. Now, with Clinton pretty much having the nomination in the pocket of one of her many well-tailored pantsuits, some Sanders supporters are finally accepting that although they will always #feelthebern, the fire is starting to die and their options are looking like Clinton or Trump. The new, very reluctant Clinton supporters made the hashtag #GirlIGuessImWithHer to give Hillary the most unenthusiastic endorsement in history.

The hashtag originated from the account @MADBLACKTHOT, and has taken off since it was tweeted yesterday. Besides being a trending topic on the website, thousands of people used GIFs as their creative outlet in expressing their feelings toward deciding to vote for Hillary.

Of course, people are also quick to point out that voters could vote for Jill Stein, who is representing the Green Party, or you can write-in the name of someone else who you want to win the election. They also used carefully chosen GIFs to express this.

Voting for a third party is historically ineffective when it comes to electing a president, and people who want to keep Trump out of the White House know what it really takes.

@MADBLACKTHOT also created "Girl I Guess I'm With Her" shirts, a wardrobe staple for everyone who kind of hates Hillary, but hates Trump much, much more.