Plus-size model Tess Holliday, who became a mom for the second time on June 6, posted an Instagram on Monday of herself in a bikini, flashing the peace sign and holding an inflatable donut. She's living that pool life and celebrating the Fourth of July, of course, but also her birthday, which is July 5.

The caption for the shot reads: "#MILF# #4thofjuly #effyourbeautystandards" with a couple of peace sign emojis thrown in for good measure.

She also posted one of herself sitting atop an inflatable pink flamingo pool toy, sporting her sunnies and a pair of sheriff's badge earrings.

Girl's got this "hot mama in the pool" thing down.

She's sexy as hell, but also pale as winter, so here's hoping she remembered sunscreen. Those tattoos aren't going to protect themselves.

Watching fireworks on TV is the Yule Log of summer, and for those who can't see fireworks from their home or are simply avoiding the outside, watching the popular "A Capitol Fourth" broadcast is a great way to be a patriot without leaving your couch. Every year, PBS shows a live broadcast of the fireworks straight from the nation's capital—but this year, viewers noticed that something was not quite right.

People realized that not only did the weather in the footage seem different than the actual weather, but that the Capitol Building—which is currently under construction—seemed to be missing its scaffolding. This suggested that the "live" broadcast wasn't "live" at all.

Finally, PBS released a statement via their @July4thPBS Twitter account to clear up the confusion.

Yep. Due to bad weather, PBS used recycled fireworks footage to trick people into thinking what they were seeing was the real deal, even though the whole broadcast was a big fat phony. It was really a lose/lose situation for PBS, who would have gotten complaints for broadcasting a bunch of clouds if they did it live, but still ended up getting complaints for using old footage. Oh, well. Everyone knows the best way to celebrate the birth of our nation is to complain over social media, anyway. It is the American way!

Despite the backlash, the program (which has been broadcasting the fireworks show for the past 36 years) stuck to its guns in it's decision to use the old footage.

Judging by the promotional picture for this year's event, is it any surprise that they ended up faking it?

Here's a very cute video to help get you through your work week no matter how bad your job sucks. This combines three elements that are pretty much fail-safe ways to make people smile–babies, accents, and unadulterated joy. Watch this little kid try to contain his excitement as he gets wheeled through the toy aisle of a store.

Even though that baby is fully losing his mind right now, he still is a perfect Southern gentleman about it, choosing the non-offensive phrase "oh my goodness!" He also makes sure to cover his mouth when it is agape with awe at the sight of toys. Hopefully, he gets to pick out one, and hopefully, someone filmed it. It would probably be even cuter than just rolling through the toy aisle.

The sight of an "itty bitty waist" paired with a "round thing in your face" may inspire Sir Mix-A-Lot to "get sprung." But if you're a Kim Kardashian fan, it apparently inspires rage and accusations of Photoshop fraud. The famously bootylicious celebrity appears in Fergie's salacious new "M.I.L.F. $" video sporting a body suit that hugs her very slender, and at the same time very curvy, figure.

Even though her proportions are straight out of Sir Mix-A-Lot's fantasy or a Disney movie, they don't exactly look real. And the internet is definitely not buying it.

"Omg her proportions look horrifying" commented one dubious fan, while another wrote: "the photoshop makes her look so distorted." And yet another tweeted:

Not one to let her haters have the last word, Kim K took to Snapchat over the weekend to share behind-the-scenes PROOF that she has been blessed not by Photoshop, but by genetics. With maybe a little help from waist training.

This isn't the first time the authenticity of Kim's famous curves have been put to public trial. In 2014, when she "broke the internet" with her Paper magazine cover, the magazine's editorial director said: “So many people have asked us 'Oh, is that butt…it can't be real, it's padded, you added to it, in retouching…' That is all 100 percent Kim Kardashian... That is who she is. That's what she looks like. That's why she's a superstar."

Can't argue with that!

In the early morning hours of July 4th, a North Carolina couple had a hankering for some pizza rolls, which is 100 percent normal. Things quickly turned abnormal when an altercation ensued, however, resulting in the couple's arrest after wastefully throwing perfectly fine pizza rolls at each other.

The couple, Scott Beard, 24, and Samantha Brooke Canipe, 21, are being held on a $2,500 bond and face up to 30 days of jail time for Samantha and 60 days for Scott. No word on whether the pizza rolls were hot at the time of the assault.

A 19.8 oz bag of Totino's Pizza Rolls can cost upwards of $3. That's 833 bags of pizza rolls (potentially more if you're a coupon cutter). Such a waste.

Pizza rolls are delicious, and it's unfortunate that this couple let their petty differences get in the way of enjoying a perfectly fine late night snack.

Meet Murray. Murray is real human man who was living a lonely life until he (how to put this delicately?) fell in love with his f**k doll.

Murray is an Australian man who had, at various points, been married to three living human women. In an interview with ABC's Story Hunters, Murray explains his relationship with his doll, Noni, in anepisode aptly titled "Falling In Love With A Sex Doll."

His relationship with Noni, he explains, is different than the thousands of other men who use these sex dolls for sex. "For them, they are just masturbatory tools," he says in a hilarious Australian accent.

For Murray, Noni means so much more. He tells her about his day. He enjoys the process of shopping for her clothes and dressing her. He says that since coming home to Noni, his house no longer feels silent. And you can see there's a clear rapport between the two of them.

"You've got to learn how to dress them, cause they don't dress themselves," he chuckles, looking to Noni for approval.

She says nothing.

Ok, so he's in love with his sex doll, you're thinking, that's normal enough. But how about falling in love with four of them?

Noni is Murray's fourth sex doll. He sold the previous three, though, so let's all observe a moment of silence for the men out there getting sloppy seconds from plastic ladies.

(...)

Thank you.

Murray explains that despite the fact that these dolls were made from plastic poured into a mold and then sold in a store, they each have their own style, their own clothing, and their own perfume. So do Barbies, but let's not be rude.

Murray had to get rid of one of his former doll's clothing and jewelry because "Noni just won't wear it."

For those keeping track, the grand total so far is three ex-wives, three ex-sex dolls, and one current dollfriend. In fairness, he says these dolls do take a lot of work.

"If you use them, they need a lot of maintenance," he says. Let's assume here that "maintenance" is code for "semen mopping."

He also claims it took him over a year to "learn how to make love to dolls," and said there was a massive learning curve. It was apparently totally worth it.

According to Murray, Noni is a panther in the sack despite the fact that she was probably shipped to him in one. As he tells it, the type of sex he and Noni have will depend on what she is wearing, the wig she has on, and what mood she is in.

"One day she'll be into B.D.S.M., and another day it'll just be 'hold me close and cuddle.' It sounds crazy, but that's how it works."

Did you know if you acknowledge that something "sounds crazy," you will feel OK when you keep doing it?

But at least he knows this isn't a human, right? Signs point to yes. He claims he doesn't love her in a "human context," but he does "in other contexts."

And then he shows us how he suspends his sex toy over his bed with a pulley lever.

New York Post writer Mike Hollan is the proud owner of a brand-new tattoo courtesy of Blink-182 guitarist Matt Skiba. While Hollan was producing a video interview with the semi-beloved 90s band on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, he challenged the Blinkers* to draw whatever they liked on his arm. He went as far as promising that if it was "cool enough," he would have it traced as a permanent tattoo. Skiba stepped up to the plate/arm, and the rest is music tattoo history.

Unfortunately, Skiba ignored Mark Hoppus' suggestion of a stick figure eating a hot dog, and instead decided to draw New York's famous Chrysler Building. But his rendering was pretty solid, so Hollan carried through on his part of the deal. Now he'll be able to use that tattoo as a conversation starter at parties for the rest of his life. Until he mentions that it was Blink-182, and then that conversation will be over if he's talking to anyone over 40 or under 25.

*Not actually what members of Blink-182 are called. Don't call them that.

Hannah Cohen was flying home with her mother through Memphis International Airport in June when she set off an alarm at a TSA checkpoint. Hannah was returning from St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis, where she was undergoing treatment for a brain tumor. Hannah is currently impaired as a result of radiation treatment and the removal of the tumor, which left her partially deaf, blind and paralyzed.

She became disoriented by the alarm and was confused by the TSA beginning a physical search. They interpreted her failure to cooperate as a threat, and slammed her to the ground:

They arrested Hannah, though the charges were dropped once they realized they slammed a disabled cancer patient's head to the ground and drew blood. So they got one thing right that day. Naturally, the TSA and the Memphis-Shelby County Airport Authority are being sued.

But Memphis-Shelby County Airport Authority president and CEO Scott Brockman did have this to say regarding the matter:

Anybody can file anything, and we don't comment on active litigation. Clearly there are additional facts in this matter, and we won't comment until we address the litigation.

That is correct. Anybody can file anything. And Hannah's mom filed a lawsuit which is seeking a "reasonable sum not exceeding $100,000 and costs." They're lucky she didn't sue for a cool million, because they'd probably get it.

It all started as your typical meet-cute between a Facebook scammer and a potential gullible victim. Until Adele lyrics got involved, that is. As so often happens when Adele lyrics get involved, things got highly emotional.

Frank Flemming-Jensen from Denmark shared these screenshots on Facebook of a conversation between himself and someone claiming to be "Sandra Jones." Sandra tried to seduce him and scam him for money. Here's what went down.

And now "Sandra Jones" (if that is her real name) can no longer listen to Adele's "Hello" without crying. Just like everyone else.

Oh, Azealia Banks. You're never in the news for anything non-controversial, are you? On July 1, Banks posted a video to Facebook Live in which she talked about, among other things, skin bleaching. "What's the difference between getting a nose job and changing your skin color?" she asked, and also compared chemically lightening your skin to getting a weave.

Many Twitter users, including some fans, quickly took Banks to task for the admission:

Anyway, "212" continues to be a good song. Everything has gone downhill for Azealia since then.

According to the Boston Herald, a cab driver recently walked into the Boston Police Department's Hackney Unit ("hackney" is an old-timey word for cabs, limos, etc) and dropped on their desk a backpack containing $187,000. The driver wasn't turning in a criminal, however; he was saving someone's inheritance.

The backpack had been left in his cab by a passenger earlier in the day, and the cab driver "looked in the backpack to look for ID, found the money and brought it straight over to HQ,” according to BPD spokeswoman Officer Rachel McGuire. “It seems this guy has come into his inheritance and left it in the cab."

While there are some big questions here, like why it was in cash, the fact that it was an inheritance is perhaps the only explanation for leaving a six-figure sum in a backseat. Someone clearly died recently, so let's cut the mystery idiot some slack and focus on how awesome the driver is.

BPD did confirm that the owner of the backpack showed up with identification and has been reunited with his small fortune, and presumably teased a lot for forgetting it. Said McGuire, "Thank goodness for the honest cab driver."

Part of a priest's job is hearing parishioners' confessions—but that doesn't mean he needs to double as your weekly journal. One man of the cloth apparently decided that the needs of the many attending Saturday night mass outweighed the need of the few sinners who want to explain exactly why they cursed out their sister for forgetting the casserole at family dinner night. It's four Hail Mary's either way, Denise, it doesn't matter if you thought she intentionally forgot it because you wouldn't babysit her kids last week.

The backstory behind this sign is pretty clear: there was only one priest working this church on a Saturday, and he probably had to do double duty between confessions and Saturday night mass. In fact, Saturday night mass being delayed due to confessions going on and on and on is not an unusual phenomenon (because confession is usually held on Saturday day). Also, priests are not free therapists, and they are never going to tell you whether you or your sister is in the wrong. Your priest doesn't like either of you at this point, and you should both stop complaining to him.

This week in "I shouldn't have posted this to Facebook," we bring you this idiot.

He tells the dumb but entertaining story of how he made an ass out of himself when he assumed his girlfriend was boning some dude while he was away at a bachelor party.

I went away for a friend's bachelor party. We went to Nevada. My fiancee and I have been together for 2.5 years and our wedding is in 6 months. She told me her cousin Stacey was coming down for a week while I was gone.

So while I was in Nevada another friend of mine texts me that he had seen my girlfriend out with this guy. He figured she was probably a friend or something but this friend lives up the street from us and he said there was truck parked in my driveway. The next night he saw her go in with this guy and the guy stayed all night.

Ummm, cheating girlfriend aside, what's the deal with this friend who is keeping tabs on her?

Why is he watching her so closely? Sounds really stalker-y, but anyway.

I told my girlfriend that we had decided to stay in Nevada for an extra two days but I went back early and I followed her and this guy to see for myself. She even told me on the phone she was with her cousin and didn't mention the guy at all. I took all the pictures my friend had taken after I asked him to and the ones I took and posted them on Facebook with her tagged and a message about her openly running around with this guy and him spending a bunch of nights at our house while I was away and how she was a liar and a cheat.

Hell yeah, dude! Way to show everyone you know on Facebook that your girlfriend is cheating on you. Who wouldn't want their grandma to know they're a cuckold?

But then the hammer dropped. Not only was he a clingy creeper, he wasn't even getting cheated on (probably).

The guy was her cousin Stacey. Fucking everyone jumped all over me right after I posted. Stacey is a girl's name and I had no damn idea. Apparently I met him at some wedding before.

So embarrassing. And also life ruining! The girlfriend called the wedding off and returned her engagement ring.

But really, it was best for everyone. Who wants to stay with a woman after you've figured out she was banging her cousin? Was that not the moral here?

Actress Emma Watson wasn't happy about the online pearl-clutching that occurred in reaction to rumors of a chaste sex scene in her most recent film, the historical thriller The Colony (Colonia). Because she's Emma Watson, she's speaking out about them. Here is the trailer for that sexy movie about a sexy ex-Nazi cult:

Blink and you'll miss it, but there are tiny hints of a sex scene in that trailer! Now, as a reminder, Watson is 26 years old. Like most 26-year-olds, she is old enough to have sex. And whether or not she has made that choice for herself (which she probably has because she's 26 years old and she looks like Emma Watson), she's definitely old enough to film sex scenes for artsy period piece dramas.

But that doesn't stop dumb media outlets from gasping every time "Hermione Granger" (she's not actually Hermione Granger, you guys) plays roles that are appropriate for someone her age. Her current age, not the age weirdos want her to stay at. Watson has had enough of that, she tells the Times in an interview.

“I’m 26 now," she added. "I’ve been in 15 films in total and me kissing somebody else shouldn’t be risqué or horrifying, but I think that will continue for a long time. There have been lots of advantages to being part of that franchise [Harry Potter], and playing that role for a long time, but inevitably there are obstacles and that’s one of them.”

Take that, prudes! Also, Ron and Hermione probably boned constantly after they defeated Voldemort, so.

You know what nobody ever tells young kids? That someday your genitals might save your life. But that's exactly what happened to Zoran Jurkovic, 41, of Croatia.

Zoran was cycling through his town, Petrovci, listening to some tunes with not a care in the world. Suddenly, a storm hit. He began to rush home, but not soon enough. A bolt of lightning hit Zoran (hopefully just as "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey came on). Instead of flowing through his body in the traditional manner, starting in his head and ending in his organs, which would have killed him, the electricity went through his head, along the path of his headphones on the left side of his body, down to the small radio clipped to his belt, and finally exiting his body at the first possible place: his penis. He told The Daily Mail:

I saw black clouds and flashes of light appear in the sky and thunder could be heard booming across the nearby fields. I tried to ride faster to get to shelter in time, but I was too late.

Doctors said that because Zoran was wearing rubber boots, the current of electricity was unable to "earth," which would have had been very bad for Zoran and his incredibly lucky genitals.

He says his friends tease him, insinuating his penis had extraordinary ability now, but he says, "...it doesn't."

Not for nothing, as of the most recent reporting, Zoran is single and lives with his mother.