Just think of your new cubicle as a practice coffin.

May 1, 2014, 10:55 am

≫ Next: Congratulations on having a new location to check Facebook from all day.

≪ Previous: May your ongoing quest to hit rock bottom end more quickly than Rob Ford's did.

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Congratulations on having a new location to check Facebook from all day.

May 1, 2014, 11:33 am

≫ Next: Try not to think about how your May birthday means your parents had sweaty summertime sex.

≪ Previous: Just think of your new cubicle as a practice coffin.

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Try not to think about how your May birthday means your parents had sweaty summertime sex.

May 1, 2014, 11:58 am

≫ Next: 17 Things Everyone On The Internet Secretly Wants To Say To Everyone Else On The Internet

≪ Previous: Congratulations on having a new location to check Facebook from all day.

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17 Things Everyone On The Internet Secretly Wants To Say To Everyone Else On The Internet

May 1, 2014, 12:10 pm

≫ Next: Here's to your new job and no one finding out how much you lied on your application.

≪ Previous: Try not to think about how your May birthday means your parents had sweaty summertime sex.

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Here's to your new job and no one finding out how much you lied on your application.

May 1, 2014, 12:18 pm

≫ Next: I can enjoy an evening by myself because I'm a strong, independent woman who has gotten over the shame of drinking alone.

≪ Previous: 17 Things Everyone On The Internet Secretly Wants To Say To Everyone Else On The Internet

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I can enjoy an evening by myself because I'm a strong, independent woman who has gotten over the shame of drinking alone.

May 1, 2014, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: I can’t stop thinking about you and I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with my OCD.

≪ Previous: Here's to your new job and no one finding out how much you lied on your application.

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I can’t stop thinking about you and I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with my OCD.

May 2, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: A Brutally Honest Food Pyramid For Every Stage Of Adulthood

≪ Previous: I can enjoy an evening by myself because I'm a strong, independent woman who has gotten over the shame of drinking alone.

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A Brutally Honest Food Pyramid For Every Stage Of Adulthood

May 2, 2014, 7:09 am

≫ Next: May you hate your new job for completely different reasons than you hated your old job.

≪ Previous: I can’t stop thinking about you and I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with my OCD.

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May you hate your new job for completely different reasons than you hated your old job.

May 2, 2014, 8:51 am

≫ Next: I love you like a drunk girl loves yelling that she's sober at 3am while lying on the floor of a Taco Bell.

≪ Previous: A Brutally Honest Food Pyramid For Every Stage Of Adulthood

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I love you like a drunk girl loves yelling that she's sober at 3am while lying on the floor of a Taco Bell.

May 2, 2014, 9:12 am

≫ Next: Sorry autocorrect made me ask if you wanted to go on a weekend fisting trip.

≪ Previous: May you hate your new job for completely different reasons than you hated your old job.

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Sorry autocorrect made me ask if you wanted to go on a weekend fisting trip.

May 2, 2014, 9:46 am

≫ Next: Mad Libs For Announcing The Kentucky Derby

≪ Previous: I love you like a drunk girl loves yelling that she's sober at 3am while lying on the floor of a Taco Bell.

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Mad Libs For Announcing The Kentucky Derby

May 2, 2014, 12:45 pm

≫ Next: Here's to another Friday evening of false optimism about the weekend.

≪ Previous: Sorry autocorrect made me ask if you wanted to go on a weekend fisting trip.

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Here's to another Friday evening of false optimism about the weekend.

May 2, 2014, 1:01 pm

≫ Next: You should know that I think you look hot no matter what you're not wearing.

≪ Previous: Mad Libs For Announcing The Kentucky Derby

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You should know that I think you look hot no matter what you're not wearing.

May 3, 2014, 6:30 am

≫ Next: I'm worried we're not saving enough for our retirement alcohol.

≪ Previous: Here's to another Friday evening of false optimism about the weekend.

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I'm worried we're not saving enough for our retirement alcohol.

May 4, 2014, 6:30 am

≫ Next: I would like to get drunk on Cinco de Mayo but I'm still drunk from Dos, Tres, and Cuatro de Mayo.

≪ Previous: You should know that I think you look hot no matter what you're not wearing.

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I would like to get drunk on Cinco de Mayo but I'm still drunk from Dos, Tres, and Cuatro de Mayo.

May 5, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Cinco de Mayo is a proud celebration of the history of alcoholism in American families.

≪ Previous: I'm worried we're not saving enough for our retirement alcohol.

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Cinco de Mayo is a proud celebration of the history of alcoholism in American families.

May 5, 2014, 7:45 am

≫ Next: The only chance I got to sit down today was on the toilet.

≪ Previous: I would like to get drunk on Cinco de Mayo but I'm still drunk from Dos, Tres, and Cuatro de Mayo.

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The only chance I got to sit down today was on the toilet.

May 5, 2014, 7:59 am

≫ Next: Happy Teacher Appreciation Week if saying that will help my final grade.

≪ Previous: Cinco de Mayo is a proud celebration of the history of alcoholism in American families.

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Happy Teacher Appreciation Week if saying that will help my final grade.

May 5, 2014, 8:33 am

≫ Next: I was wondering if I could have a few extra days to turn in my Teacher Appreciation card.

≪ Previous: The only chance I got to sit down today was on the toilet.

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I was wondering if I could have a few extra days to turn in my Teacher Appreciation card.

May 5, 2014, 9:01 am

≫ Next: 18 Office Warning Signs You'll Want To Put Up But Can't

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