I'd rewatch an entire TV series for you.

May 7, 2014, 9:31 am

≫ Next: I spent as much time picking out this e-card as people over 40 spend picking out real cards.

≪ Previous: This birthday card counts as me replying to that email I forgot you sent.

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I spent as much time picking out this e-card as people over 40 spend picking out real cards.

May 7, 2014, 9:53 am

≫ Next: Seeing other people wish you happy birthday inspired me to wish you happy birthday.

≪ Previous: I'd rewatch an entire TV series for you.

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Seeing other people wish you happy birthday inspired me to wish you happy birthday.

May 7, 2014, 10:01 am

≫ Next: I hope your birthday provides you with the attention you seem to be demanding with your repeated Facebook profile pic changes.

≪ Previous: I spent as much time picking out this e-card as people over 40 spend picking out real cards.

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I hope your birthday provides you with the attention you seem to be demanding with your repeated Facebook profile pic changes.

May 7, 2014, 1:33 pm

≫ Next: From the first time I saw you I knew I was going to give you the wrong phone number.

≪ Previous: Seeing other people wish you happy birthday inspired me to wish you happy birthday.

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From the first time I saw you I knew I was going to give you the wrong phone number.

May 7, 2014, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: What I lack in beauty I make up for in plastic surgery.

≪ Previous: I hope your birthday provides you with the attention you seem to be demanding with your repeated Facebook profile pic changes.

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What I lack in beauty I make up for in plastic surgery.

May 8, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: For Mother's Day let's let someone else enjoy the satisfaction of making me pancakes.

≪ Previous: From the first time I saw you I knew I was going to give you the wrong phone number.

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For Mother's Day let's let someone else enjoy the satisfaction of making me pancakes.

May 8, 2014, 7:59 am

≫ Next: Let's get together to do the graphic things I've been hinting at using innocent emojis.

≪ Previous: What I lack in beauty I make up for in plastic surgery.

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Let's get together to do the graphic things I've been hinting at using innocent emojis.

May 8, 2014, 8:06 am

≫ Next: 9 Honest Maternity Tees Every Expecting Mother Wishes She Could Wear

≪ Previous: For Mother's Day let's let someone else enjoy the satisfaction of making me pancakes.

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9 Honest Maternity Tees Every Expecting Mother Wishes She Could Wear

May 8, 2014, 8:40 am

≫ Next: Mom Coupon: Good for one half hour of me pretending to be scared of the obscure disease you just read all about.

≪ Previous: Let's get together to do the graphic things I've been hinting at using innocent emojis.

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Mom Coupon: Good for one half hour of me pretending to be scared of the obscure disease you just read all about.

May 8, 2014, 10:52 am

≫ Next: 12 Brutally Honest 'World's Greatest Mom' Mugs

≪ Previous: 9 Honest Maternity Tees Every Expecting Mother Wishes She Could Wear

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12 Brutally Honest 'World's Greatest Mom' Mugs

May 8, 2014, 11:16 am

≫ Next: Mom Coupon: Good for one dinner I insist on paying for even though we both know you’ll eventually pick up the check.

≪ Previous: Mom Coupon: Good for one half hour of me pretending to be scared of the obscure disease you just read all about.

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Mom Coupon: Good for one dinner I insist on paying for even though we both know you’ll eventually pick up the check.

May 8, 2014, 11:18 am

≫ Next: Mom Coupon: Redeemable for one "dad's new girlfriend looks fat."

≪ Previous: 12 Brutally Honest 'World's Greatest Mom' Mugs

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Mom Coupon: Redeemable for one "dad's new girlfriend looks fat."

May 8, 2014, 11:26 am

≫ Next: Mom Coupon: Redeemable for one Facebook like on your status about the weather.

≪ Previous: Mom Coupon: Good for one dinner I insist on paying for even though we both know you’ll eventually pick up the check.

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Mom Coupon: Redeemable for one Facebook like on your status about the weather.

May 8, 2014, 12:24 pm

≫ Next: Mom Coupon: Good for one conversation of telling you exactly what you want to hear.

≪ Previous: Mom Coupon: Redeemable for one "dad's new girlfriend looks fat."

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Mom Coupon: Good for one conversation of telling you exactly what you want to hear.

May 8, 2014, 12:25 pm

≫ Next: It's not drinking on the job if you weren't planning to do any work.

≪ Previous: Mom Coupon: Redeemable for one Facebook like on your status about the weather.

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It's not drinking on the job if you weren't planning to do any work.

May 9, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: The Joys Of Not Being A Mother

≪ Previous: Mom Coupon: Good for one conversation of telling you exactly what you want to hear.

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The Joys Of Not Being A Mother

May 9, 2014, 7:24 am

≫ Next: I could use some peace and quiet, but not the kind that means my children are off doing something horrible.

≪ Previous: It's not drinking on the job if you weren't planning to do any work.

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I could use some peace and quiet, but not the kind that means my children are off doing something horrible.

May 9, 2014, 7:59 am

≫ Next: 13 Ways To Avoid Getting Your Mom A Real Gift

≪ Previous: The Joys Of Not Being A Mother

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13 Ways To Avoid Getting Your Mom A Real Gift

May 9, 2014, 8:54 am

≫ Next: Mom, I can never repay you for everything you've given me including the $700 I'm about to ask for.

≪ Previous: I could use some peace and quiet, but not the kind that means my children are off doing something horrible.

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Mom, I can never repay you for everything you've given me including the $700 I'm about to ask for.

May 9, 2014, 9:12 am

≫ Next: Happy Mother's Day to the person who uses my voicemail like a podcast.

≪ Previous: 13 Ways To Avoid Getting Your Mom A Real Gift

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