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Bad Chad already got kicked off 'Bachelor in Paradise.' That was quick.

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Tuesday night was the 3-hour season premiere of Bachelor in Paradise, which saw the "villain" from this season of The Bachelorette, "Bad" Chad Johnson, managing to get himself kicked off the show after just one episode. He seems like a truly horrible person, which everyone knows makes for truly wonderful television, so producers tend to keep folks like that around for the guaranteed drama. But Chad quickly crossed the line into Crazy Town (not the band), and host Chris Harrison decided to send him packing, because that's just the kind of power he wields.

How bad does one have to be to get kicked off a reality show in almost no time at all? Well, we got ahold of Brad's checklist, which was basically: 1. get really drunk, 2. make out with a woman that you within hours will call a "f**got" on national television, 3. mock a different woman for missing the lower part of one arm, 4. try to punch the only person who's been nice to you, 5. pass out next to the pool and poop your pants. Yup, that oughta do it.


Political correspondent Angela Rye 'Beyoncés' Corey Lewandowski on CNN.

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On Tuesday, a panel talk hosted by Don Lemon, Angela Rye "Beyoncéd" (by her own admission) recently fired Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, telling him "Boy, bye" on CNN. And he really couldn't have been asking for it any harder.

Rye says that Trump had been maligning President Obama long before he ever started slouching towards the presidency, pointing out that Trump was the one who called for Obama to release his Harvard transcripts. Lewandowski, in turn, latches on to the issue of the transcripts and just won't let it go, asking her over and over again if Obama had ever actually released them, and then blames Rye, claiming she was the one who "raised the issue." She then reminds him that Trump refuses to release his tax returns, and says"Corey, in this moment, I'm going to Beyoncé you. Boy, bye."

The best part is when she calls the Trump campaign "second grade," and the second best part are these faces:

Bakari Sellers can't help but smile at Rye's "Beyoncé-ing" of Lewandowski.
Rye is so over Lewandowski she has an aerial view of his head.
How's this panel going for you, Corey? Pretty good? lololol

If you have one of these names, Reddit doesn't find you sexy. Sorry.

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What is in a name? According to the judges of Reddit, there are some names that are just never attractive. Ever. So, like, a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, unless you call that Rose a "Carl." Then it's just disgusting.

Here are the top 10 names they hate, so you can feel bad about yourself if you're one of them. Or maybe just change your name to Rose.

1. Lester.

Because molester.

2. Latrine.

Apparently this is a real name.

3. Eustice.

This name was a problem long before Courage the Cowardly Dog.

4. Bertha.

Because Big Bertha, and also its general Bertha-ness.

5. Gertrude.

It's for old people, like the v. sexy Gertrude Stein.

6. Melvin.

"Would you fuck a Melvin? Didn't think so."

7. Sharkeisha.

Sharkeisha nooooo!!!

8. Carl.

"It's as sexy as gum disease."

This is what happens when you Google Image search "Carl." *Carl Weathers excluded from un-sexyness.

9. Craig.

"Nobody wants a 30-something newborn."

10. Adolf.

For obvious reasons.

Surprisingly, "Donald" only came in at 11.

NBA star Draymond Green offered porn contract after 'perfect' accidental dick pic.

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After accidentally sending his penis to the entire world via Snapchat, Warriors star (and current social media manager of Team USA) Draymond Green has the opportunity to receive a $100,000 penis bonus.

Vivid Entertainment bro Steve Hirsch, the enterprising dude who put Kim Kardashian's sex tape on the internet, has made the official offer with the unmistakably gross swagger of a man who makes sex tapes.

"Here's the deal: We will give you $100k to star in a porn called Drayzilla," he wrote in an offer letter that was promptly sucked into TMZ's orbit.

"You pick your co-stars and set up the scene however you want."

Great team win!!!! On to the next one #dubnation #strengthinnumbers

A photo posted by Draymond Green (@money23green) on

TMZ referred to the penis as "perfect," and while you cannot find a hyperlink to the image in this article, here are the appropriate search words to find it:

Draymond Green Dick Pic Snapchat Wow Wow Jeez Yikes.

Martial arts instructor explains that it's okay for boys to cry.

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We have all been there. During a moment of frustration or anger, you feel your eyes begin to well up and you desperately try to stop the crying before it starts. Well, this is exactly what happened to Bruce, the young man in this video, but what his instructor told him next is so great you might even shed a few tears yourself.

The Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy in Detroit, Michigan is led by founder Jason Wilson. The academy's mission is to "create a generation of men who are physically conscious and spiritually strong enough to navigate through the pressures of this world without succumbing to their emotions." In a time when boys are told not to cry and men have masculinity as fragile as a Faberge egg, Wilson is letting his students know that there is nothing wrong with expressing your emotions as long as you don't let them get the better of you.

Let it out, Malfoy. Let it out.

The description for the video says:

During these perverse times, it's truly vital that we, the men and fathers of this generation, do not allow our boys to grow up with a false sense of masculinity like many of us did. As a result, we have a mass amount of emotionally unstable men walking in unresolved anger, confusion and depression, instead of power, love and discipline. So we place strong emphasis on allowing our recruits to openly express their emotions, so that we can teach them how to use those emotions to their benefit, and become a comprehensive man of God.

Besides, there is nothing more "manly" than being strong enough to openly display emotion.

Article 17

Republican national security officer explains why Trump's position on nukes is so terrifying.

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John Noonan is a conservative national security expert who is considered by many to be a nuclear hawk—and yet the Weekly Standard writer, advisor to Bush and Romney, and former ICBM launch officer is terrified of Trump's reported desire to use nukes in a first-strike capacity. The Republican advisor went on a Twitter rant after TV host Joe Scarborough revealed something a GOP "foreign policy expert" told him:

"Several months ago, a foreign policy expert on the international level went to advise Donald Trump. And three times [Trump] asked about the use of nuclear weapons. Three times he asked at one point if we had them why can't we use them."

Noonan went on an extended Twitter tirade after this, explaining in very specific terms why the Trump's atomic-level ignorance (he previously failed to answer a question about the "Nuclear Triad"—bombers, submarines, and ICBMs) is so terrifying. He reflected often on his own experience manning Minuteman II missiles:

Article 15


People shared the stupidest lies they've ever believed.

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On the thread "What's the stupidest lie you believed?" Redditors revealed the falsehoods that they actually fell for, for up to years at a time. While these are supposed to be cautionary tales, they mostly provided fun ideas to mess with your own kids.

1. Fallsviews is an American Idiot.

My dad's coworkers son had somehow convinced me that he was the drummer from Green Day. He was a 13 year old Chinese guy.

2. Kushite almost called the Ghostbusters.

That my my female roommate had lost her grandmother and was seeing her ghost at night so she slept in our male roommates room every night because she was scared. I was so naive.

3. Gizmo135 almost had a sympathy period.

When I was about 9, my dad told told me that someday I'd get my period and went into detail about the whole process. He made it seem pretty terrifying and I believed him. I'm a guy.

4. Tabletara's baby siblings took awhile to defrost.

When I asked my mother where babies came from, she told me Jewel. Like Jewel-Osco the grocery store. I asked her where you could get them from because I've never seen a baby department. She said "they're in big freezer section where they keep the meat. You just tell them what kind of baby you want and they go in the back and thaw it out. That's why they come wrapped in a blanket...because they're so cold". I was terrified of the butcher section for years...and my mom.

5. Wait until Kunomn finds out who lives in a pineapple under the sea.

I asked my father why we only got pineapple occasionally. He explained to me that it is illegal to keep pineapples in captivity and it was only legal to hunt them during certain times of year. Very hard to catch and dangerous when cornered.

6. Tianaayem's lie could actually saves a lot of lives.

Not something I believed, but something I was able to convince someone of.

When I was fifteen, one of my close friends kept going on and off of her diet. It started to annoy me when she would continuously ask me if she could smell my food. Everytime I'd get something tasty, she'd just wanna stick her face in it and get a whiff. This started to bug me after a while, so I managed to convince her that by smelling my food she would gain 50% of the calories as she would just eating it.

I explained it using fake science. "When you breath in the smell from the food, the particles you're actually smelling are the microscopic bits of food that through diffusion, enter your nostrils and are absorbed into your bloodstream. So really, you might as well just enjoy it."

She was very surprised and needless to say, she left my food alone.

7. Let them eat cake, Whelpie's mom!

My mother likes to talk about how she, when I was very young, would give me white bread when they had cake, and convince me that it was the same thing. I feel like I'm owed at least 4 years of cake as reparations.

8. KTDid95's family lives for this kind of stuff.

Okay, so here's the thing. My family is absolutely full of shit. My grandma, my uncles, my aunts, and my mother all love to try to convince all of the kids of anything they can.

For instance, my grandma's birthday is on a major holiday. There are parades every year. Until I was almost 10, everyone had me convinced that those parades were definitely for her.

We got some of the regular jokes, like the dangers of swallowing watermellon seeds and how every pregnant woman in the family just happened to be incubating a mellon for a few months.

The worst part is that they all play along with each other. When I was about 18, my grandmother tried to convince me that one of my cousins, whom I had known my whole life, was deaf in one ear. I was like, nah grandma, that's BS. So she went to my uncle (father of the accused) and asked him. So, of course, he totally agrees with her. I also asked my mom, but she wasn't sure. I still have no idea whether he is or is not deaf.

9. M4RKED's friend Dick didn't see that coming.

I was 16, in high school, and had a huge crush on this girl from my History class. All my friends knew I did, and would routinely tease me about it. One 'friend' let's call him 'Dick' also had a crush on her, I did not know this at the time. So, he decides to tell me that he was talking to her friend, and she said that this girl also liked me. He convinced me to ask her out in an attempt to leave me rejected and embarrassed while freeing up the way for him. One thing he didn't count on, she said YES! A few weeks later, I tell her the story of how 'Dick' convinced me to ask her out, she seemed confused and went on to tell me that she didn't tell any of her friends that she liked me. So I lost my virginity and got a date to prom, all thanks to 'Dick'.

asian success jessica huang constance wu randall park

10. Jack_ADTR was just waiting for the other ball to drop.

I was always told I was left-handed because I came out of my dads left testical. It made so much sense to an 8 year-old.

11. Swate- couldn't shut up about the shup.

My mother knows I am a bit of a grammar nazi. One day, when I was about 12, we had visitors around; one of them was a sheep farmer named John from further inland (Australia).

Anyway, my mother asked him to say that, if I ever asked, the correct singular form of 'sheep' is actually 'shup' (rhyming with up), and that the word 'sheep' is only acceptable as a plural. So, one shup, two sheep, three sheep... etc.

Later on, my mother then goes and finds a way to casually mention a 'shup' while talking with me, really really subtly. But she knows me well. I of course asked her to backpedal a bit and tell me that word again.

"Shup.""What??" "Shup...? You know, the animal?""Uhh"

Cue 10 minutes of argument over fucking 'shup'. On one hand, I was absolutely confident that sheep was always the correct word in all cases. But I really really trusted my mother, so I didn't discount the fact that maybe... maybe I had just never heard the term or something in all of my life, as unlikely as that obviously was.

So she pulls the clincher. "Well, I have an idea. Go and ask John, he's a shup farmer." Brilliant idea, I think. A third opinion, as a tiebreaker. He'll know the right way to say it. Welll.... I go over to him and ask.

"uhhh... I've always said one shup, two sheep, so..."

Cue me having something of an existential crisis. Believing I had made such a simple, yet supposedly obvious mistake for all these years legitimately made me question the meaning of life for a split second there.

I think my mother felt bad because she came clean, and my response was to go and cry in my room. I don't trust her as much anymore, but she likes to bring it up idly from time to time. I still can't forgive her for this treachery.

:(

12. lokinpaska must have looked like they were on shrooms.

When I was about 6-8 and during autumn season my sister told me that mushrooms are actually tiny trolls and in order to see them move around and sing, I have to be quiet for 3 hours since they are shy. This resulted in me sitting amongst mushroom patches in our backyard for hours talking to them and I remember trying to convince them that they can trust me and we can be friends. Why did she tell me this? To stop my tantrums.

13. Indydegrees2 was living in The Giver.

My parents told me the world was in black and white until colour TV was invented

14. Amibiguouslaurels got real.

"She's just a friend. I would never do anything to ruin our marriage"​

Leading medical expert Michael Gannon slams 63-year-old mom for her record-breaking pregnancy.

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Michael Gannon, president of the Australian Medical Association, took to Twitter to diagnose the 62-year-old mother ofanewbornchild as "selfish" and "wrong."

While some would call the medical advances that allowed the unnamed woman to reportedly become the "oldest woman to give birth in Australia" a miracle, Gannon calls it "madness."

The woman used IVF and a donor embryo to conceive with her 78-year-old partner, and while the child was born prematurely by cesarean section, her and the mother are both reportedly doing well.

Gannon has his supporters and detractors on the issue. The Herald Sunquotes an expert on the subject, professor Gab Kovacs from Monash University, who says, "Our bodies weren't designed to have children in our 60s. I don't think any... responsible IVF unit in Australia would treat someone of that age."

He also echoes Gannon in saying "that child will need looking after in 20 years, and there's a possibility she won't be able to do that."

Others point out a double standard from Gannon—the father's 78. Where's the outcry about his responsibilities?

The oldest known woman to give birth is believed to be Daljinder Kaur, who was at least 70.

Article 12

Samantha Bee trolls the 'patriots' who didn't get her joke on Twitter.

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As the host of Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, it is Samantha Bee's job to make jokes, but a handful of people trying to "educate" her on Twitter sure makes her job a lot easier. It all started when the Full Frontal Twitter account satirized Eric Trump's comments saying that women who are "strong" don't allow themselves to be sexually harassed in the work place by posting this tweet with the caption "'She was asking for it. A strong cheetah would never allow itself to be subjected to getting shot.' -@EricTrump"

The two dudes in the picture, of course, are spoiled rich kids Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump. Instead of focusing on the important point of the joke, which was meant to illustrate the stupidity of victim blaming, a select few thought it was more important to reply back to clarify that the giant, dead cat in the picture was technically misidentified.

WOW awesome, you know the difference between a leopard and a cheetah! However, somehow those quick to point out the species of the cat had no comment on the point Bee was trying to make, which was, you know, the important part of the tweet. She made this poll to try to help clarify things.

And then followed it up with this statement that was released on the Full Frontal Twitter.

Not to be out-trolled, Bee then went on to post some of the other pictures of the Trump brothers posing next to other animals they shot, this time, with "correct" identification.

Look, guys. It's Samantha Bee's job to be funnier and smarter than you, so don't even try it, okay?

Beyoncé collaborator finally talks about the infamous 'Becky with the good hair' lyrics.

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Diana Gordon is a musician and writer who has penned lyrics for many famous artists, including the "Becky with the good hair" line for Beyoncé's "Sorry." She spoke with Entertainment Weekly on Tuesday about the story behind those now-famous lyrics, and her surprise at how quickly they became a pop culture obsession. Gordon, who has also written songs for Jennifer Lopez and Flo Rida, collaborated with Bey on several songs for her album Lemonade.

The lyrics “He only want me when I’m not there. He better call Becky with the good hair” fueled wild speculation about Jay Z cheating on Beyoncé. All that commotion and attention actually made Gordon laugh:

I laughed, like this is so silly. Where are we living? I was like, “What day in age from that lyric do you get all of this information?” Is it really telling you all that much, accusing people?

She also disclosed that Bey was also surprised by the song's attention and that they never directly talked about the lyrics becoming a pop culture firestorm:

No. I don’t think she expected it. I saw her at her Formation tour. She had a pajama party; we laughed, we danced, we hugged it out. But I didn’t say much about it at the time because I wanted to give her space.

While Gordon wrote much of the material, once Beyoncé sings it, it becomes her own:

If it’s not going to be me saying it, and the one person in the world who can say it is Beyoncé, I was f**king happy. With Beyoncé, I feel like the songs we worked on were specifically for her.

So there's still a bit of mystery surrounding the lyrics, which is appropriate. Even if they were referencing a specific event in Bey's life, it's pretty clear that neither she nor Gordon would ever talk about it. Instead they just make Lemonade.

What, scientifically speaking, is the best way to poop?

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Pooping (also known as crapping, sh*tting, dropping a deuce, making brownies, and a sh*t-ton of other things) is the activity that brings humans together. Everyone poops, including people you wouldn't expect, like Kate Middleton. But how do they poop?

The good folks at SciShow have investigated the sewage of defecation, discussing the Great Sitting Versus Squatting debate.

Human evolution was such that we were meant to engage our quads while shitting, before we got lazy and decided to sit and check our phones.

Basically, you better start working out for a more pleasant pooping experience.

She's training for the pooping Olympics.

What exactly is going on with these slut-shaming Sprite ads?

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People are not happy about Sprite's newest, slut-shaming, wildly confusing ad campaign. Like, in what altered state of mind did the ad execs working for the lemon-lime soft drink Sprite decide that their brand is "sexist dudes at a bar"? Sprite is a soda that children drink at birthday parties because they're not allowed to have beer or even caffeine. How did they get from there to this?

"She's seen more ceilings than Michelangelo."
"A 2 at 10 is a 10 at 2!"
"You're not popular. You're easy."

Huh? Is ad copywriting these days just stealing dumb things that people write on walls next to urinals? Obviously and predictably, many people weren't too happy about these ads.

As former Someecards writer Aimée Lutkin wrote on Jezebel, "Let’s remember that Michelangelo only saw one ceiling, but for a very long time. We should all be so lucky to find a relationship like Michelangelo had with the Sistine Chapel."


Ozzy's mistress sues his daughter Kelly for slut-shaming.

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Ozzy Osbourne's mistress, Michelle Pugh, announced on Wednesday that she's suing Kelly Osbourne for releasing her phone number on Twitter. Pugh is suing for being "slut-shamed, bullied and harassed." Kelly deleted the tweet, but not before thousands retweeted and screenshotted it:

The original tweet didn't have a black box there, if you get our drift.

Kelly had also accused Pugh of "elder abuse" for manipulating Ozzy (since he is now 70 years old). Pugh labeled that as defamation in her suit, and insists that Ozzy was the one who pursued their relationship. In addition to her lawsuit, Pugh also recently opened up about her four-year affair with Ozzy. So she's really blowing the lid off this whole thing.

Pugh says she suffered emotional damage and lost clients as a celebrity stylist due to Kelly's tweet and remarks. Celebrities are also less likely to hire you once you go running to the tabloids about their secrets, so she should probably start saving her money.

22 people tell us their heartbreakingly funny stories of times they ignored red flags in relationships.

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We all want someone to love and someone to love us, and sometimes that means we overlook the gigantic neon signs that say "WARNING: UNFIT FOR HUMAN DATING." It happens to the best of us, but at least we get stories out of it. We asked our readers to share their stories of "Ignored Red Flags" (last week's theme was "Kids Say The Wrongest Things"). Let their tales amuse and hopefully educate you.

1. Kari responded to our Facebook post with more red flags than a Chinese Communist Party meeting.

Red Flag 1: He had a Masters in Physics but worked for a pool and spa retail store.
Explanation 1: He was working on his PhD and it was easy work.

Red Flag 2: He finished his PhD work in just over a year.
Explanation 2: He got lucky with the timing because the Higgs-Boson particle made his research much easier to logic through.

Red Flag 3: Didn't stop working at the pool store after getting his PhD.
Explanation 3: He was burnt out on Physics and wanted to find something else to do.

Red Flag 4: Never wanted to hang out with my college friends.
Explanation 4: He didn't feel like hanging out with intellectuals for fun because he didn't want to always be thinking about science (I studied math and had a couple friends that went on to PhD studies in physics).

Red Flag 5: Couldn't produce his PhD or Masters diplomas.
Explanation 5: Got lost in the mail and he didn't want to pay for new ones.

Turns out his undergraduate transcripts and diploma were fake and the rest was an elaborate ruse that he'd carried on for 20+ years. No one ever questioned it, and he kept calling me crazy or would have excuses when I'd have questions.

It only came out after I asked if I could do a background check on him; he had lost his job and couldn't find a new one for 3 months while I was paying for everything. He told me to go for it and it showed nothing. He even tried to say it was a mistake but eventually came clean.

What a waste of 2 years.​

2. Andrea emailed us this tale of a way-too-close-knit family.

Red flag should have been when I walk in to him sitting on his parents bed talking to his mother while she is on the toilet with the door open. This was how they held family discussions.

Second red flag.... When his mother and sister googled me and attempted to contact my abusive ex and other family members to get dirt on me so he would leave ME!

3. Jen sent us an extremely short story that needs no explanation.

Ate Chapstick to freshen his breath.​

4. This story, emailed in by an anonymous Someecards reader, is pretty much the textbook definition of "red flags."

I was a junior in high school (2006) and still hadn't been in any kind of relationship or gone on dates. I was introduced to a guy who went to the high school across town and he was instantly attracted to me. He was tall, handsome, on the football team.... seemed like a dream come true to me (a girl who by all other accounts had been told by her classmates she was unattractive her entire life). I was so entrapped by the dreaminess of it all I didn't mind making out the first night we met. I thought it was some sweet romantic gesture that he wanted to be official that night.

Cut to FOUR DAYS later when we're hanging out and talking. He forced me into laying down, despite my protests, started shoving his tongue in my mouth and saying he wanted to kiss me all over. He got super handsy and I kept pushing his hands off. When I finally got into an upright sitting position he told me, "You know, this is all perfect. I can see you being the future Mrs. ************. I want to get married in 2007." Ummm..... 2007 was our graduation year. He was telling me he wanted to get married, in a year, right after graduation!! RED FLAG! RED FLAG!

I tried to accept it as sweet teenage sentimentalism and romance.... but two months of hearing my first boyfriend talk about marriage after high school was enough! Finally dumped his butt right before prom, and when he asked if he could still take me I said, "No I already asked someone else to go with me." Frankly, I was just terrified to be in his presence again. Way too clingy, like a psychopath. SO glad I got away from him and never gave in to the physical pressures he tried putting on me. Teenage girls, PLEASE, take heed of the red flags and run!!

5. You're so vain, I bet you think this email from "Bozone" is about you.

So many red flags, so little time!

My boyfriend, who still believes we are going to get married (but only if the Pope becomes Baptist,IMHO) is a very good looking man who is very vain, especially of his hair.

He usually wears it in long curls, but sometimes he wears it in braids. I offered to braid it once, but he said ' You can't braid my hair, you're a white girl and you'll just @#$% it up'.

A few days ago, he asked me to comb his hair, which I did, but not without him pissing and moaning about it. Later that day we got into an argument which ended with me telling him he needs to respect me more, to which he replied 'What do you mean I don't respect you? I let you comb my hair didn't I? '

Not enough time to tell how, after he pitched a fit in a department store, the salesclerk pulled me aside and told me he needed his ass kicked.

6. Ayla emailed us a truly amazing story about the jerks you meet on reality TV millionaire dating shows.

Well, I was on a reality dating show (flag 1) with supposed-to-be "millionaires." I ended up winning the big date only to have it be a double date with his brother, at the gym! (Flag 2)

Anywho, we started dating exclusively after we filmed the show. Things seemed off because we never went to his "mansion" (flag 3) and he said he sold his expensive car to help better his business (flag 4).

Oh, and did I mention he told me he had been married but it was over 5 years before me. Only to find out he was still married and didn't file for divorce until he knew he was going to be on the show 100% (flag 5).

Then, 5 months into us dating before his divorce was final and after our episode aired, he said the network wanted us to be on the reunion show. By this time, he had confessed and I accepted the fact that he was as rich as I was (Nice family but that was about it).

But I lied for him to cover his tracks (flag 6). After he moved out of his Mom's 1-bedroom apartment, we went to film the reunion show where he, predictively, proposed to me!!

I said yes to keep it all going but knew in my heart that he was not the one. The straw that really broke the camel's back was his Facebook letters with strangers saying that he'd love for them to come to LA so they could hook up....

Needless to say: I threw the ring at him and went on with my life. The network even wanted us to reconcile and he told them we broke up because "I was jealous of other women." Sure, buddy. Whatever makes you feel better. I told the network that I'd never be back and told them their real story.... Lesson learned. Too many flags to keep count. Lol

Thanks for letting us share stories!!​

7. Brenton's short anecdote is very confusing until you arrive at the word "Ambien."

After talking for 2 months & 2 successful dates. It was the second time she invited me over. I got to her building within 20 minutes. I texted her that I was there. Nothing. I called her 3 times. Nothing. I texted her I was leaving. Nothing. On my way home she finally calls me back & blows up on me in a psychotic rage. I later found out she had an Ambien problem. And an honesty problem.​

8. Leigh's story doesn't have any mystery, but this is the kind of red flag you're most likely to encounter in your own life.

On our first Valentines day he got mad that they lost our reservation and threw his keys across the parking lot in anger. He had a complete meltdown. That was the first time I saw his anger issues. And unfortunately not the last.​

9. Regina's story has some dark moments, but she's a very engaging writer.

After being out of the dating game for a while after my husband died, I started going out and met a guy in a bar who told me he wanted a long term relationship. I fell head over heels for him! He had his own company and seemed financially stable, something I was definitely looking for as a mother to three children.

First time I went to his home, I was shocked. For someone making 3K a week, he lived in a dumpy old trailer. (Side note: I know how much he made because for a while I helped him do his bookkeeping).

Then a few weeks later I found out his work truck was actually his son's truck. I was so desperate and vulnerable at the time I didn't see the red flags everywhere. Weekends, he liked to gamble and drink and frequently lost all his money at the casinos.

Several months later, he moved in with me and I soon realized I was paying all the bills on my salary. We talked about it and I can say he was generous in giving me a $100 bill every few days after that.

When I went to charge some things at a local store on his account, the clerk let it slip that he was paying for his ex-wife's stuff there also. I caught them in bed together right after that and that's when I got a clue but wasn't sure what to do with the clues. Yeah, naive old me.

I dumped him when he started accusing me of cheating and hit me while drinking again. Didn't last long though. A month later he telephoned from the ER, drunk, after being in a bad wreck that totaled his work vehicle and begged for forgiveness.

He said he wanted to marry me and treat me right. I fell for it. Married him a few days later and the next week he used my credit to get a new work truck.

A few months later, after my father's funeral, we both got intoxicated and he beat me up again. Then, I caught him planning a week long getaway with an old girlfriend under the guise of working out of state on a big construction project.

There were so many red flags at this point that divorce was the best and only option. We were together as a married couple only 3 months and divorced within 6 months.

The biggest red flag to me was the fact that I was so in love I couldn't see the truth of what a horrible person this man was and the self doubt messed my head up so bad I don't date anymore and am still single 20 years later.

10. Rachel's story, submitted through Facebook, carries an important lesson: always listen to screaming men on rowboats.

At our wedding ceremony, held outside near a lake, a gentleman took it upon himself to stand up in his boat and yell across the lake, "Don't do it!" not once, but several times during the ceremony. Seven years and one divorce later, I would personally like to thank the person who tried to save me by being a very audible "red flag"​

11. Victoria's Facebook submission ends with a phrase that could sum up all of these.

My ex hated it when I would read around him. He'd always say I should be talking to him, and he'd actually take my book away. He also would make fun of me when I wore makeup. Or when I would say a girl is hot.

He also couldn't read. Like, actually didn't know how. He'd make fun of me for nerding out over shit. And he'd say I shouldn't be anxious around him, that I should feel safe around him.

Anytime I talked about a career, he'd say I won't need one, that he'd support me. (don't see how, he still doesn't have a job). He thought my fetishes were weird and wouldn't even think about trying to go along with it.

Why was I upset when this went downhill?​

12. Sherri's red flag is the reddest red flag of all the red flags.

He kept a gun under the seat of his car and would pull it out when someone driving would make him mad. He would point it at the person below the window where no one outside the car could see.​

13. Soshana is our first reader to incorporate hashtags. They seem appropriate.

suggesting a weekend in wine country after only dating for about 2 weeks.

introducing me to his mother while in wine country after dating for 2 weeks.

his mother calling me and asking me to come for thanksgiving after dating for about 2.5 weeks .

his mother mailing a birthday gift after 3 weeks. #notcreepyatall #howdidshegetmyaddress #hesneverbeentomyhouse

14. If you lose touch with everyone from your previous life... you might be ignoring red flags. (From an anonymous reader.)

Let's call the guy Satan. Or whatever you want. Satan is fitting though.

Flash back to when I was 21 and dumb. Backstory- my parents weren't controlling, but I hated to do anything to disappoint them because they had a saying about me, 'I never finish anything I start.' Enlisted straight out of high school, went to BCT and did a dumb thing and got injured and shipped home (boring, stupid, non story). Went straight to college, got way over my head and instead of buckling down, I zoned out and consequently dropped out. Worked here and there never knowing what I was doing but always the dreamer.

Enter Satan. Sweet. Charming. Lived far enough away but not so far I wouldn't go. He played on my dreams, knew what to say. I was blinded so of course common sense wasn't kicking in that he was saying and doing things not because he was genuine but because he was trying to sink his nasty dirty devil claws into me. Kids, don't get married without talking to someone who knows you first. He only wanted me hanging out with his friends/family but never all the way saying not to talk or visit with my friends or family. Over the course of a year I became completely isolated and depressed but of course I didn't admit to myself that anything was wrong with the picture, but I knew.

Final straw? We needed more income so I got a job. My first day he followed me, caused a scene, and I was fired. Never been fired from a job and that sucked balls.

Back to the part about not getting married - if you go to a JP for the marriage, it really does cost more to get divorced.

15. This is a two-parter from a reader who wished to stay anonymous. Read the beginning for her synopsis of the relationship, but the second part is an old email from right after the first date laying out his red flags.

Hi there! My friend told me I need to submit this as she laughed about this guy (yes, 4 years later- he made that much of an impression).

Below is the original email I sent my girlfriends after a first date ... I'm still laughing at myself for not only going on a second date with this guy, but for dating him for a few months!! He was INSANE! He wanted me to register my dog in the county where his house with his not-yet-ex-wife was (thinking we were all going to move in there)... That wasn't in my cards.

Two months into our "relationship" I traveled out of town for work for one month and he came to visit after the first week. By the last week he wasn't in contact as much (strange since he was normally up my a$$). Turns out he ran into a girl from his past and they began dating... 2 months later they were engaged and 3 months after that they got married! I'm still not sure when his divorce was finalized!!

Lesson learned: never ignore red flags!!

Here is her original email to her girlfriends, with identifying information redacted:

Okay so I had a date last night with a guy I met on Saturday. Didn't think it would be too awkward since we were texting prior to. But omg!!

Red flags.
1. Going through a divorce
2. Lives with his grandma
3. Was a marine and had 2 deployments in Iraq and now sees a social worker at the va medical center weekly and referred to her as "she's like a secret best friend"
4. Grew up with grandma because mommy was a crack head and daddy lived with grandma til he got remarried
5. Works at a gentlemans club 3 nights/week
6. Was talking freely about all of the above within the first hour

However I was pounding bud lights and was highly entertained by all of it. I'll probably hang out again. Is that bad?! Hahahaha

Hope you girls have a great day!!!

Well, the Marine part seems ok and the home situation isn't his fault, but yeah, the second date is baffling.

16. Oh boy, Deb. We are very sorry. Way to hang in there, and thanks for sharing it for others to see.

Embarrassingly I have too many ignored red flags.

We went out together for 7 years before marriage and I stayed for a total of 32 .

Anyway here's a few

- no birthday present

- not being allowed to go with him to a bar he went to every Thursday night

- I always apologised even when he wasn the wrong. This happened many many times .

-When he wouldn't commit

-When I had to put my engagement ring on my credit card

- always feeling like I was priority number seven after his mother , mates ,pub, sport etc

-When the kids were little we had limited money but he drove in the drive one night with a brand new car

-When he didn't protect / stick up for me when I got punched in the jaw by a drunk woman

- When he spent every night late at work ( barman) but found out he was just sitting around drinking not working and never came home to his family.

- when he was violent with the kids

- when I rang him in tears to come and help with the four kids and he said nah

- when I was sick and couldn't stand much or drive he was angry when he had to get dinner for me and the youngest

- when I got ' crabs' he said i must have caught them from s toilet seat

- when I kept getting thrush

- when he finished work at midnight but got home at 4am

- When I heard him deleting messages

- When I believed he was serious about counselling and blamed the counsellor for being useless .

17. This man would like to be referred to as "suckered no more" and we hope that's true, because holy sh*t.

First red flag: didn't get her real name for six months after we met online.

Second red flag: she was supposedly separated when we started talking, but after about a year of online chatting and phone calls, she claimed they only living together because of the teenaged kid we lived in different states, and I didn't want to move, but she promised things would be great if I just moved there. I moved.

Third red flag: the picture she gave me and the person I met were, no lie, twenty years apart.

I'd like to say I learned right there, but the final flag was when she got angry with me for criticizing her lunacy and she tried to run me over, laughing the whole time.

18. Maybe the high school stories seem to be the craziest because these people get institutionalized not long after? Thanks to Sarah for this one.

In high school, I was dating my first boyfriend ever when my beloved cat went missing. This dude gave me his cat (maybe to ease the pain of my loss, IDK?).

My 16 year old self thought it was sweet so I kept the cat. Over time, this guy got super controlling and I was sick of it, so I decide to break things off. He goes off the deep end and threatens to kill himself...AND MY CAT.

WTF? It was his cat! ​

19. Our Facebook fan Wendy had a first date that included as many red flags as a few of these marriages.

Showed up at his house for a first date and he answers the door in only a towel. Decides to tell me about his history of seizures and crashing his last car, while driving me around. Leaves his wallet in the car when we go to the arcade bar because he's not "drinking tonight" (guess you're not playing any video games either), caught him in lies about his job, about owing his house, about being on his high school state winning football team...all on the first date.​

20. Let's lighten up for a second with a warning from Migdalia on Facebook about cheap guys who don't pay attention to what you're drinking.

When you are in a bar drinking Mojito and this guy approaches and offers to buy you one beer specifically from the happy hour menu...​

21. Unless you're running a sperm bank, Eileen identifies a very good type of person to avoid.

9 kids by 6 different women...3 of the kids are only a few months apart from each other. Bye bye!!​

22. Sarah has some very good advice about waiting just a little bit before getting married.

A few days after our wedding he threw a fit in Target because I wouldn't let him spend our wedding money on a new Xbox. Jumped up and down yelling "it's something I WANT."

Yep. Maybe getting married 6 months after we started dating was a bad idea.

Back in the day, a thirsty Kim Kardashian was trying to get on 'The Hills.'

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Kim Kardashian was always going to be a reality show star, dammit. Even before she began filming Keeping Up With The Kardashians, she was trying to get on theMTV show The Hills, according to a reunion special that aired earlier this week. What's worse is that she was doing this through Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's housewarming party back in 2007, apparently just several months before she began filming her own show. Her appearance was cut, however, for being too boring:

In some small way, Pratt feels vindicated:

This isn't even the only reality show that Kardashian appeared on before Keeping Up With The Kardashians. She famously made a few appearances on the Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie show The Simple Life back in the halcyon salad days of reality TV (and back when Kardashian cleaned Hilton's closet for money):

You can't say that Kim isn't a hustler.

Dad writes erotic novel to turn gay son straight. Worst ‘birds and bees’ conversation ever.

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News flash to parents (especially this dude in the United Kingdom): You can't turn your gay kid straight. It's just medically not possible. But for parents like the aforementioned British guy, you're still going to try, and you're going to make an ass of yourself in the process.

The story was featured on the British podcast My Dad Wrote a Porno, hosted by Jamie Morton, about a series of erotic novels Morton's dad wrote. Lindsay, a fan of the podcast, wrote in with a story too crazy not to believe:

Hi guys, I mentioned this podcast to my mum the other week and she told me a story too good not to share. A few years ago my neighbour’s son came out as gay and his dad was less than pleased to say the least. Apparently, in his mind, all this boy needed to save him from this life of sin was some good old fashioned hot sexy straight porn. He searched far and wide but no existing porn was up to the task. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

Um, hey gag-town, how you doin?

Listen to Morton and his guests react to this truly cray letter, including their theories on what the story must've been like, below.

Chrissy Teigen is famous, so she can now filter out all your mean Instagram comments.

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Chrissy Teigen has had it with your negative comments about her colon, OK?!?! She thanked Instagram in a tweet for providing her, and other high-volume Instagram accounts, with a new feature that allows the user to block certain offensive comments by keyword.

The new feature, currently only available to Instagram royalty, is a sad reminder that there are some mean-spirited trolls out there ready to take down the world, one selfie at a time.

Nicky Jackson Colaco, Instagram's director of public policy, told The Washington Post:

Our goal is to make Instagram a friendly, fun and, most importantly, safe place for self expression... We have slowly begun to offer accounts with high volume comment threads the option to moderate their comment experience.

So go on Miss Teigen, get down with your bad (and free of hate speech) colon.

Hashtag cant swim #cantswim #REVOLVEinthehamptons #cravingsBBQ @revolve

A photo posted by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on

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