Recently, my mom sent me a column she'd written as the 20-year-old news editor at The Villanovan in 1974. It forced me to come to the realization that young Anne Welsh was, as the kids say now, "savage af." If the web had existed and she hadn't chosen to be very successful instead, she could've been a great blogger.

The column criticized Villanova's mascot. Not the Wildcat that America knows from NCAA tournaments, but the now-extinct Wild Kitten, complete with short skirt and black leather boots. It also touches on the slights that greeted the first generation of undergraduate women. The nursing school opened in 1953, but Villanova only admitted women to the general college in 1968, six years before this was written. A lot has changed—most women's bathrooms exist and are urinal-free now—but a depressing amount has stayed the same, like guys complaining that they can't tell sex stories at work to 19-year-olds:

NOT JUST KITTEN

by Anne Welsh

After years spent in silence, I gather courage to speak out on one petty, relatively insignificant aspect of campus life that really irks me: the existence and attire of the mascot known as the Wild Kitten.

Women have been at Villanova now for over twenty years. We have studied, partied, cheated, cheered with the best of Villanova's men. We did not complain about the urinals in Dougherty's ladies room, and the pain and suffering endured trying to get the one and only facility for women in Tolentine. We put up with our business teacher saying we kept him from telling the many hilarious sexual anecdotes which he probably never had. We have made do with the poor share of athletic funds and facilities that women's sports receive.

[Editor's note: I hope that business professor recovered from that brutal burn in the ensuing decades.]

But asking us to accept the Wild Kitten as the representative of women at Villanova is asking too much.

First of all, a female wildcat is not a wild kitten. This grammatical distinction has obviously escaped many people; the fact that kittens are much cuter than cats apparently induces people who think of girls as cuter (and weaker) versions of boys to make this elementary mistake. But when all is fed and done, kittens are merely young cats of either sex.

Second, female wildcats do not wear skirts. (This may surprise some who still separate the human sexes by the design of their clothes.)

Further, female wildcats do not sport black pantyhose, either with or without garters. Neither do they normally stalk their prey decked out in a pair of high black boots.

Perhaps the slinky seductiveness of this curious Centaur-in-reverse (head of an animal, legs of a girl) is supposed to excite and upset the players on the other team. Perhaps the kitten kicking her boots and twirling her tail like a gentle whip is needed to psyche our fans into a frenzy. Perhaps the girl inside the suit (who actually is very good and very spirited) needs a free ticket to the games.

None of these reasons is quite up to scratch. Let's face it, the Wild Kitten is not only blatantly sexist, but just plain weird. Until we are ready to start cheering "Let's go, Wild Kittens!", we should just have one kind of mascot, the Wildcat, to represent all Villanova fans. And let the fur fly where it will.

In the parlance of the 2010s: drag them, Anne.

This column apparently generated the most comments (or "mail" as it was called then) of any editorial she wrote as news editor. I asked her about them, and apparently people were "not quite as mean as today," but were dismissive in a familiar way. "The comments were more about me being silly, making something out of nothing, being way out there with this feminist stuff and not understanding mascots are just for fun, and my having no sense of humor."

Not much has changed there, kind of like how people still freak out if you suggest girls and boys don't need gender-specific clothing or toys.

In most ways, though, she won. The Wild Kitten was defeated, and now can't even be found on Google Image Search. A business professor could never survive to tenure complaining that he couldn't tell college kids his sex stories. It (probably) wouldn't take nearly as many paragraphs to convince skeptical men that an infantilized-and-sexualized women's mascot is pretty sexist. She also graduated as valedictorian the following year, which is a pretty damn effective response to having trolls in your comment section.

Sometimes it can feel like you'll never get in shape. Sometimes you might just want to quit and give up on working out forever. But I think you're doing better than you think you are. In fact, I can prove it.

I did a little math and figured out how many burritos you could buy with your monthly gym membership fee*. In other words, this how many burritos you are bravely sacrificing—consciously or not—in order to work out and be healthy. You're going to feel great about yourself by the end of this. Trust me.

Planet Fitness: 8 burritos.

A Planet Fitness Black Card costs $19.99 per month. That could buy you just about eight 7-Layer Burritos from Taco Bell at $2.49. Which essentially means you are choosing the treadmill over eight cheesy, delicious, sodium-filled 7-Layer Burritos. You are a champion.

Crunch Gym: 11 burritos.

Crunch Gym memberships start at $88 a month. A vegetarian Queso Burrito from Qdoba costs $7.80. You could have had 11 burritos, but you chose the elliptical instead. Even if you ended up buying 11 burritos anyway, if you hadn't paid that gym membership, you would have been able to afford 22. You have resisted that temptation, because you are a badass. Nothing is going to stop you.

Equinox: 21 burritos.

A membership to Equinox will run you at least $168/month. At around $8 each, that comes out to 21 chicken burritos (without guac, which is always extra. I know, it's stupid. Don't get me started.). You could have eaten 21 burritos but you chose to go to pilates class and drink kale juice instead. Look at you go! You are my #fitspiration.

SoulCycle: 35 burritos.

This is the big one. SoulCycle doesn't have monthly memberships, but you can buy a 10 class series for $320. Say you take 10 SoulCycle classes a month. That money could have bought you 35 steak burritos (at $9 each) from the taco truck near my apartment in Brooklyn. 35! And they're amazing burritos. But you chose to go to spin class. You have made a great sacrifice. You are a humble warrior goddess and you deserve to be happy.

See? You're doing better at this whole fitness thing than you think. Just look at all the delicious burritos you've given up! The next time you have a cheat day, please, go buy yourself the biggest burrito you can find.

*Gym membership prices are based on NYC locations and I have rounded to the nearest whole burrito.

Helen Mirren has endured sexist nonsense for decades. Not only the kind every woman experiences in their everyday life, but also the scrutiny that comes with being an accomplished actor. In 1975, while Mirren was acting with the prestigious Royal Shakespeare Company, she appeared on a British talk show hosted by Michael Parkinson to discuss her role as Lady Macbeth.

Parkison introduced her as a "sex queen," and immediately wanted to talk about her "physical attributes," to which she quips, "You mean my fingers?"

The classic clip was posted to YouTube in 2008 and has since received over 3 million views. Parkinson straight-up asked if Mirren thinks her "figure" detracts from the integrity of her performance as f*cking Lady Macbeth, to which she gives this perfect response.

I can’t think that can necessarily be true. I mean what a crummy performance if people are obsessed with the size of your bosoms more than anything else. I would hope that the performance and the play and the living relationship between all the people on the stage and all the people in the audience overcome such boring questions.

Why ask an actress about playing Lady Macbeth when you can ask her about her breasts?

Mirren called him out again in 2006 when she reappeared on Parkinson's show, when she was playing Queen Elizabeth II (almost as iconic a British character as Lady Macbeth), saying "“I thought you were a sexist person for mentioning my breasts, and also you wouldn’t actually say the word ‘breasts."

If you can endure the cringe, here's part two.

The Rio Olympics have officially wrapped, and the Final Five are back home in the States, looking even more golden than they were before. Because she is the oldest (a geezer at 22!) and loves a good nap, the team calls their captain Aly Raisman "Grandma," respecting their elders while joking about her old lady sensibilities.

Can your grandma do this?

After the Olympics, the tables have turned, and Simone Biles has become the most geezerly of the bunch.

After months (years!) of training, Biles can finally relax now that she has four golds.

Now that both Gymnastics Grandmas have touched down in the States, they can enjoy Gradma-y things like sipping herbal tea and watching whatever's on PBS or Turner Classic Movies. But first, they're appearing on that show your grandma always watches, The Today Show.

Kim Kardashian is using her family vacation in Mexico right now to promote, well, herself, obviously. She shared a photograph on Instagram Monday taking a selfie (nice), while she leans against some sort of outdoor rich people tub with an attached shower head. Her bathing suit is white—you have to make $1 million+ annually to even purchase a white bathing suit—and it's notable for being even more revealing than a bikini despite technically being one piece.

You got your underboob, your abdomen, your butt, your outer thighs, your lower back, your cleavage—all your key bathing-suit-revealing body parts, but she doesn't have to worry about it falling off when she jumps in the pool.

And you don't have to worry about her catching you staring. She only has eyes for herself.

On August 20, Londoners John Bull and his wife, sick of the crappy service from their phone and internet provider Virgin Media, tried to cancel. They didn't have a contract, so canceling shouldn't have been too much of a problem, right? Wrong. Because apparently Virgin Media is run by the same people who ran Yossarian's squadron in Catch-22. What follows is a helpful lesson for companies in how to drive your customer base completely insane:

1. Make sure your product provides consistently poor service, causing your customers to want to cancel.

2. But make it basically impossible for said customers to actually cancel…

3. …Unless they want to pay a hefty fee.

4. Remind them that they are under contract. Even if they aren't.

5. Set up a system wherein a manager must approve a cancellation, but never allow a customer to speak to one.

6. Lies are fine. Many customers will believe you on principle.

7. Abruptly end communication with customer.

8. Make sure customers have to deal with a lot of different people, explaining their situation over and over again.

9. See step 5.

10. See Step 6.

11. See step 7.

12. See step 8.

13. If ALL ELSE FAILS, allow the customer their legal right to cancel a contract-free service. Note: Do not let on to customers that Step 13 is real. It's crucial that you resort to step 13 as sparingly as possible.

Holy shit! The Bulls did it! They emerged victorious and went for a celebratory drink at one of their cute little English "pubs" with "ale" and "chips." Cheerio!

It's worth checking out Bull's full story on Storify.

It's been approximately 41 days since we last saw a new pic of shirtless Idris Elba on the internet. But who's counting? It was a long, dry month-and-a-half. Until yesterday, when the actor came through, posting this sweaty, shirtless pic on Instagram in which he's only wearing his underwear. You're welcome!

Though it's really Elba we should all thank. The 43-year-old British-born actor has been training for his first boxing match tomorrow, and he seems ready. "Cutting weight, two days before first fight, mind in the right place. Fear NO guy," he wrote in the caption to this photo, which we only barely noticed because we were so distracted by everything in the photo.

Elba has been hinting at the fight for weeks, sharing a series of videos of himself boxing on Instagram. Also, shirtless.

As long as he fights shirtless tomorrow, he wins. In fact, we all win. That's how boxing works, right?

The latest right-wing conspiracy about Hillary Clinton (in addition to the old one that she killed her friend) is that she lacks the health and stamina to serve as President of United States. So, Hillary went on Jimmy Kimmel Live to prove that she is indeed healthy. First she let Kimmel take her pulse, and then—in a remarkable feat of strength—she opened a pickle jar to finally get her out of this health-conspiracy pickle.

In addition to flexing her muscles, Hillary took on an even more difficult challenge: reading Trump quotes with a straight face. It's a shame Kimmel was the one who picked up, "If Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."

The country of Ireland spreads the love on Twitter by handing the @Ireland account over to a different person every week to share their particular Irish experience.

Michelle Marie, a plus-size model and blogger originally from Oxford, England, and currently settled in the Emerald Isle, was handed over the keys (password) to be the Internet's Irish person for a week, and racist trolls were pissed.

She took on the trolls right away:

She's using the platform to educate people on empathy and different life experiences, which is a lesson the trolls desperately need.

When she's not speaking to the people of Ireland from @Ireland, Michelle tweets as @ChocoCurvesModel about body positivity.

Between her personal account and Ireland's, she's doing a lot to teach trolls about life outside the computer.

Last week, nursing mom Lynda Mazzalai Nguyen attended a work seminar at an Embassy Suites and needed to find a place to pump. Naturally, she assumed that a business that is literally a collection of rooms would be able to find her an empty one to pump in for 15 minutes. But instead, the hotel staff bent over backwards to deny her access to a private space (aside from the room other guests use to poop). So when the time came to pump, Nguyen decided to take the awesomely bold step of setting up in the hotel's lobby, right next to the front desk as a little "fuck you" to the staff.

At a seminar at a hotel, went to front desk to ask if there's a private space where I can pump, and was told by two different staff to use the bathroom. FUCK YOU! NO! I told them they don't eat lunch in the bathroom, so it's gross to expect me to contaminate baby's milk in there.

I was met with so much resistance:

1) "No, you can't use the hotel rooms since you haven't paid for it." Uhh I paid a fee to attend the seminar which paid YOU, so YES, I am a paying customer.

2) "There are no hotel rooms available. We sold out this morning." LIES. I found rooms on Expedia!

3) "I don't feel comfortable putting you in an uncleaned room." So a dirty bathroom with urine and feces is better than a room someone just checked out of?

4) "As staff, we don't even have offices. Only the GM has an office, but I can't ask him and it has big glass windows." I'm fine with windows! "But I can't have you in his office."

5) So you're telling me in the WHOLE entire building there isn't a single space for me to plug in for 15 min to pump for my baby?? Office? Conference room? Anything? "No, there isn't. The conference rooms aren't private since you can't lock the door and people come in and out." That's fine with me, I just need a room with an outlet. "Well, I'm not comfortable putting you in there." WTF, lady!! Work with me here.

6) What about employees who pump? Where do they go? "We don't have any employees who pump." An entire hotel staff and not a single nursing mother now or in the past?! Somehow I doubt that.

After more push back and a stand off because I refused to budge, she went to ask, came back and offered the wine cellar. I said I would come back in a couple hours when it was time to pump.

Based on principle, I decided to pump in the lobby next to reception. Fuck you, @embassysuites .I'm livid. I spoke to the GM and expressed their need to train their staff, and reiterated how appalling it was to be quickly dismissed without any attempts to accommodate my need and offered a bathroom because sir, you don't eat where you shit, so why should my baby! He apologized profusely.

Do NOT piss off a mama who knows her rights and is a social worker to boot!

The experience resonated with thousands of working nursing moms, and Nguyen's post was shared over 20,000 times. After her post went viral, Nguyen edited the post to thank her supporters and clarify the actual official policy of Embassy Suites.

Edited to add:

1) I'm still in shock my post has been circulated far and wide. NEVER in a million years did I ever think I'd be brave enough to pump in public or it going viral! I don't even know how that happened!! Mamas are amazing!

2) I bought the bra from Amazon. Search for hands free pumping bra - mine is by Simple Wishes but there are others. I unclip my nursing bra then put that on to pump. No need to wear it all day.

3) Just as an FYI so we know what is a reasonable request: The GM told me that they do have policies in place - plan A: hotel room and if those are sold out then plan B: an office. People have shared that other Embassy Suite locations gave hotel rooms or other private rooms without issue, so I believe it's a matter of inconsistency with their staff training.

4) THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT. AMAZING. I'm both super excited to spread awareness and a little mortified that I'm everywhere. haha

5) I've received tons of messages from women sharing their terrible pumping experiences in awful conditions AND wonderful experiences at hotels and other places that provided accommodations without batting an eye! There's hope that more places will eventually follow suit and get it right!!

Nurse/pump on!

"Super excited" and "a little mortified" seems about the right reaction to going viral, but in this case, at least, it's worth it.

According to science, physical fitness is important for your health and happiness. The best way to get in shape is to get lots of exercise and eat a healthy diet. But finding the time to work out and eat well is hard. How can you stick to a meal plan when you're too busy staying late at work or running a household or eating Doritos on the couch? Plus gym memberships can be expensive and you still have to actually go there and do stuff.

But luckily, there are ways to remain physically fit without having to go to the gym. Here are some other things you can do to get in shape.

1. Clean your house.

Cleaning burns calories! Drink some coffee, put on some music, and thoroughly clean your house from top to bottom—scrub the floors, vacuum behind the furniture, wash the blinds, tear down any cobwebs in the corners, shake out the rugs and the children—really break a sweat.

2. Take the stairs.

If you work in an office building, or a multi-storied building on any floor higher than the second, chances are you take the elevator. But skipping the elevator and taking the stairs can be a pretty decent workout, especially if you work on the 15th or 20th or 40th floor. And what better way to arrive at work every day than sweaty, out of breath, and ready to puke? Everyone will be so impressed with you. Think about how much better you are than them! Bunch of lazy elevator-takers…wake up, sheeple! Soon you'll be the kind of person who brags about not having a television. Get psyched!

3. Get lost in the woods for a few days.

Nothing gets the blood pumping like a good hike—the fresh air, the rocky terrain, the constant fear of bears and witches, it's all so invigorating! Now imagine hiking almost non-stop for days. Getting lost in the woods is a great way to kickstart yourself into healthy living. You'll be walking until your feet blister and bleed, trying to tell direction based on the sun's activity, realizing you are unable to do that, losing water weight from shedding tears of distress, and foraging for insects and bark because you ran out of food—you'll be fit in no time!

4. Get trapped in an elevator for the weekend.

If you're looking to get rid of distractions so you can really focus on your physical fitness, getting trapped in an elevator for a few days might be for you. You'd have no food, other than whatever you were carrying in your pockets (which, for some of us, is actually fairly substantial), and so much time for crunches and squats and other things that are done in "reps." Claustrophobic? That's a bonus—panic enough and you'll get some serious cardio in. Great job!

5. Get put in jail.

Have you ever seen TV shows where people are in prison? They work out SO MUCH. Like pretty much all day long. Push ups, sit ups, other ups, you name it. Plus, maybe you'll escape! Escaping prison is hard work, what with digging a tunnel for months (probably) and fleeing from guards with guns and all that stuff. So whether you decide to do your time like a sucker or break free and live as a fugitive on the run, you're sure to come out in better shape physically than you were when you went in. Enjoy your newfound fitness!

Daniel Garofalo of Gilbert, AZ probably wasn't following his roommate, Zac Penton, on Twitter—if he were, he might have noticed that on August 20, Penton tweeted (and has since deleted) his desire to "viciously murder" his roommates. Unfortunately, on August 22, that's allegedly what Penton did to one of them.

The two were apparently involved in some sort of argument or fight that ended with Penton shooting and killing 41-year-old Garofalo in their home, after which Penton called 911 and turned himself in to police.

That one tweet might not have been particularly alarming for Garofalo anyway, since Penton seems pretty into shooting and guns in general. A quick search of Penton's Twitter brings up a lot of tweets that, in retrospect, seem pretty scary. Especially the one about how easy it is to buy a gun.

YIKES. Ironically, Penton had also retweeted a meme implying that guns don't cause nearly as much death as obesity and abortion (sigh).

There were a few other circumstances in which Penton threatened to kill people, but (hopefully) didn't go through with it.

Poor Matt. He probably had no idea. Snorers of the world, be extra careful if you notice that your scary gun-loving roommate has been tweeting about you.

With the rise of Dr. Pimple Popper and her many copycats, dermatology videos have become all the rage on the internet. If you're one of those weirdos who loves to watch freaky stuff get pulled out of the human body, you're not alone. (Your author does too.) But why stop there? In the last few years, online communities have sprung up around all kinds of bizarre, yet satisfying, videos. Give the clips on this list a try—one of them may change your life. Freak.

1. ASMR

Autonomous sensory meridian response (also known as "ASMR" or the "Whispery Tingles Mmmm") is a relaxing "static electricity" feeling that some people experience when they hear breathy whispers, brushing noises, and other soft sounds. Fans often rely on videos like this one, which has 16 million views, to fall asleep every night. They swear the effect isn't sexual, but I don't buy it.

2. Survival

Wilderness survival shows have been a TV staple for years, but those are phony. To get the real stuff, you have to turn to the anonymous hero of Primitive Technology. This silent, cargo-shorted Australian films himself going into the woods and constructing everything from a grass hut to a fully-functional forge, using nothing but what he finds. It's not only extremely impressive, but thanks to his judicious editing, deeply relaxing.

3. Historical cooking.

If you want to get really unapologetically nerdy with your YouTube habits, you need to get into 18 Century Cooking with Jas. Townsend & Son. This channel, operated by a company that makes props for historical reenactors, features an awkward tricorner hat-wearing man named John teaching you how to make historically accurate recipes from revolutionary times. Some of these look delicious, like fried chicken, while others should have been left in the past, like this standing meat pie with clear gravy (made from boiled pig feet).

4. Hydraulic Press

You don't have to be a weirdo to enjoy seeing a hydraulic press annihilate everyday objects. The ultra-popular PressTube channel features everything from bowling balls to gummy bears to aluminum foil being crushed into oblivion. (The gold standard may still be folded paper exploding under the pressure.) Here's one of our personal favorites: silly string.

5. Pornography

Believe it or not, there is a small group of people on the internet who enjoy watching strangers have sex. Apparently they get some sort of vicarious pleasure from it or whatever. If you're one of these wackadoos, you won't find what you're looking for on YouTube. Try googling "pornography," but be prepared to skip ahead a few pages before you see any. Internet porn is notoriously hard to find. But give it a whirl—even if you're not into it, you might get some valuable tips.

I am not, like, a witch or a dirty hippie, but I use essential oils. They smell nice, they calm me down, and unlike perfume they don't seem to assault the nostrils of people around me. Here's how you too can use essential oils in cool, sophisticated, only slightly witchy ways.

Use peppermint essential oil to get rid of headaches.

Peppermint essential oil was my gateway essential oil, because it is actually extremely useful! Peppermint contains large quantities of menthol, a strong analgesic, and applied topically it's great for temporarily getting rid of headaches. As a migraine sufferer, I always carry this one around.

Peppermint essential oil is really strong, so you'll need something to dilute it before applying it to your skin—I usually use regular body lotion, but you can even use oil. Coconut oil and almond oil smell great and are trendy, but if you just have olive oil around, that works too. Add one or two drops of peppermint essential oil to your lotion or oil and apply the mixture to your forehead and the back of your neck; you'll feel a pleasant, cool, tingly feeling.

It's also naturally antimicrobial, so as a side effect, it might help get rid of any acne you have on that forehead. Truly, peppermint essential oil is the f*cking best. And as another example of its usefulness, you can...

Use peppermint essential oil to get rid of pests.

Seriously—bugs and mice hate peppermint for some reason. Apply a few drops to your floor cleaner and watch those cockroaches go to your neighbor's house instead.

With that gateway oil out of the way, let's move on to other, non-peppermint oils:

Use tea tree oil to get rid of acne.

Dabbing tea tree oil onto my spots works better than any pimple cream I've used. For cleanliness, use a cotton ball to apply, or add a few drops to your face wash.

Use lavender essential oil to calm the f*ck down.

Popularly, lavender essential oil is thought to be very calming. Maybe it's a placebo effect, but, as a comedian, I like applying a few drops to my wrists before I perform to get rid of nerves. If nothing else, it makes me smell pretty. You can also diffuse lavender with water in a spray bottle and spray it on any furniture you like to relax in—it's a nice thing to do to your bed before you pass out in it.

Use lemon essential oil to make people think your home is clean.

Many home cleaners use lemon scents because it's something humans associate with freshness. You can add it to any cleaning agent or mix it with olive oil to make a furniture polish, but if you're really lazy, you can just diffuse it with water and spray it around your home before people come over. "Ah, yes, this smells like a house that has been cleaned lately," your idiot guests will think.

Use eucalyptus essential oil to ease your coughs.

Vicks VapoRub is almost literally just eucalyptus, camphor, and peppermint essential oils that have been diluted in Vaseline and applied to your chest. So, yeah, just make your own for cheap, or put a few drops of eucalyptus essential oil in water and boil it to make a steam decongestant.

Use any other essential oil as perfume or to cheer you up.

I don't know anything about the actual scientific validity of aromatherapy, but damn, smelling nice things is nice! If you like a scent of essential oil, buy it! Smell it! Apply it as perfume, or add a few drops to a heated diffuser! Why the f*ck not, if it makes you happy!