The convenience of Uber is luring customers into a false sense of security, according to Hannah Warman, who woke up to a nightmare Uber charge after falling asleep on what should have been a quick ride home.

The London comedian needed a lift at the end of Sunday night. But when she fell asleep, her driver decided to take the scenic route. To the tune of an hour and a half ride at a cost of £84.95 ($111).

Warman told Mashable that after her initial outrage over the charge, she had another thought: "I started to worry why I'd been driven around and felt a bit shaken and unsafe."

Uber refunded her trip after her tweet went viral. But Warman's horror wasn't just about getting ripped off.

"I think people need to be aware that stuff like this goes on because there's a blasé confidence everyone has with using Uber that maybe isn't warranted​," she said, of people jumping into the app-ordered cars without a second thought.

Maybe Uber's starting to catch on:

It's great that Uber felt the need to let you share your trip in real-time with friends, loved ones, or police.

Beloved actor Gene Wilder passed away on August 29 at the age of 83. He left behind numerous classic movies, including four with comedian Richard Pryor (Silver Streak,Stir Crazy,See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Another You). Wilder also starred in Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles, which was co-written by Pryor. Here's Wilder recalling their first day working together:

Despite the fact that the pair worked together so well, reports are resurfacing of a Wilder quote about their off-screen relationship, which may not have been so intimate.

"We were never good friends, contrary to popular belief," the actor reportedly said. "We turned it on for the camera, then turned it off. He was a pretty unpleasant person to be around during the time we worked together. He was going through his drug problems then and didn’t want a friendship outside of what we did on the screen."

Meanwhile, Richard Pryor's daughter, Rain, says that her father—who died in 2005 at the age of 65—also really loved working with Wilder. She told THR:

[Richard] thought he was amazing. He thought them together was amazing. He always said, "That man's a genius, and he's a good man, that's for sure." I always heard him say, "He's a good man."

She continued:

I think they both helped each other grow as artists in their art form and for who they were outside of their art form. They are the people who set the stage outside of the Laurel and Hardy type of thing.

As far as their off-screen relationship, she confirms that they may not have been extremely close, but that didn't interrupt the "magic" between them.

[Wilder] was a very caring human being, but I know that he didn't hang out with dad a lot because they just didn't—my dad was different. They were different in natures. Mr. Wilder was the older "I'm here. I'm doing my work and we have a great chemistry. And then I'm going to go have my sober life." He was a normal dude compared to my dad in that sense. But in terms of his kindness and generosity and to watch the two of them together, there's not a magic that's been like that in a long time.

At least onscreen, there's really no disputing their chemistry.

Senior pictures are a glamorous tradition to immortalize youth in its beautiful glory before it fades as people graduate and the stress of adult life gets to them. Jillian Henry of South Eugene, Oregon was having her photoshoot by a lake when a man magically emerged naked from the trees for a weird, whimsical photobomb.

The pictures have gone hella viral (as they say on the west coast, right?), with over 24,000 retweets and 73,000 likes.

The eggplant-free version is NSFW, of course.

And this has been your Daily Naked Dude.

Ready for your day to be ruined? BuzzFeed News is reporting that there may be people dressed as clowns lurking around South Carolina, trying to lure children into the woods using candy and money. You will have plenty of time to think about how scary that is now that you will never sleep again.

According BuzzFeed, several people have spotted and complained about seeing multiple clowns in Greenville, South Carolina. There have apparently been enough sightings to warrant the property manager of Greenville's Fleetwood Manor apartments to issue this statement to residents:

There has been several conversations and a lot of complaints to the office regarding a clown or a person dressed in clown clothing taking children or trying to lure children in the woods. First and foremost at Fleetwood Manor Apartments children's [sic] safety is a top priority. At no time should a child be alone at night, or walking in the roads or wooded areas at night. Also if a person or persons are seen you are to immediately call the police. Greenville County Police Department is aware of the situation and have been riding [sic] the property daily. Remember there is a 10pm curfew for the property so to ensure your children's [sic] safety please keep them in the house during night hours and make sure at ALL times children are supervised. Anymore information that becomes regarding this issue will be sent out to all residents.

On top of this, at least one person has filed a police report. In the report, Donna Arnold, mother of two boys ages 10 and 13, said that one of her sons reported seeing clowns on the edge of the woods behind their apartment complex, "whispering and making strange noises."

Her older son also reported hearing "chains and banging" at the door of their home. Donna's husband, James, also reported that his sons had said, "Some had chains, some had knives, and some were holding out money, saying, ‘Come here, we’ve got candy for you,’ but they wouldn’t go."

Another resident reported seeing a clown standing alone under a street light around 2:30 a.m. one morning. The clown waved at her and she waved back, and the clown did not approach her BUT WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON THERE HOW DID SHE NOT PEE HER PANTS RIGHT THEN AND THERE?

Oh, and the cherry on top of the creepy clown cake? Residents are theorizing that the group of clowns live in an abandoned house at the end of a man-made trail in the middle of the woods. Cool. Well. Nightmares are real and they are in South Carolina.

Yes, Ryan Lochte has lost all of his major sponsorships. Yes, he's a national disgrace. Yes, Michael Phelps is still better than him. But Lochte isn't going to let all that get him down. He's picking himself up, dusting himself off, and competing on the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars.

No, we're not kidding.

The cast for the new season was announced Tuesday on Good Morning America. Lochte will be partnered with Cheryl Burke and compete against other celebs that include Amber Rose, Vanilla Ice, and Olympic gymnast Laurie Hernandez. (Honestly, a little surprised to see Laurie on this list. But it's cool. Still love you, girl.)

Lochte says he hopes that competing on the show will help him leave his disastrous night in Rio behind him.

"I just want to move forward and… put on my dancing shoes. Or at least try to,” he told GMA's Amy Robach.

Yes, that's an actual quote. Are we being punk'd?

Only time will tell if Lochte can dance his way to redemption.

In the FC Barcelona vs. Omiya Ardija Junior game at the 2016 Junior Soccer World Challenge Final, the young Spaniards of FC Barcelona may have won the match, but the real winner was humanity. Really.

After celebrating their win with a cute huddle, the Barcelonians reached out to their fellow sportsmen, who were very upset at losing.

It's so cute, you'd wish all wars would end like this. If everyone could be this nice, we'd fully frickin have world peace.

FC Barcelona Youth Team for President 2016.

Kind of like how Toddlers and Tiaras pushes adult beauty standards onto little kids, dads are projecting their penis-related fears onto their babies, The New York Times reported.

In a piece called ​"As Boys Get Fatter, Parents Worry One Body Part Is Too Small," Dr. Perri Klass assured parents not to freak out if the baby's member seems rather hidden.

"Questions about penis size have become more common over the past decade, as my colleagues and I have all seen more overweight children coming in for physical exams," she wrote.

While most of the penises that doctors see are of normal, proportional size, there is a phenomenon called the "hidden penis" that effects kids who are overweight:

The penis can be buried in the fat pad that sits in front of the pubic bone, and it can remain hidden as boys go through adolescence. What is called a “hidden penis” can be a combination of being prepubertal (so the penis has not begun to grow), being overweight (so the fat pad is significant), and in some cases an anatomical condition in which the soft tissue below the skin of the penis doesn’t adhere well to the Buck’s fascia, the thick covering that surrounds the penile nerves and arteries. This fixation problem can yield what Dr. [Aseem] Shukla described as a “slidey” penis, in which the actual shaft retreats and only the skin, or the foreskin, in an uncircumcised boy, is clearly apparent.

That's right, "slidey penis" is a medical term, and there are some surgical procedures that exist to excavate a concealed penis. Dr Aseem Shukla says that such surgery is only for extreme cases, and that the "hidden penises" tend to reveal themselves after children grow to be older, and ideally, slimmer.

So don't worry, Mom and Dad. Odds are, your son's penis is alright, and things will even out with some weight loss and a whole lot of puberty.

Pediatricians often both assure both the parents and the kid that they're growing up normally. Dr. Shukla had some pretty poignant advice in the Times for people with genitalia that don't grow up in nudist colonies:

“I basically say, first of all I want you to know that you are absolutely and completely normal,” Dr. Shukla said. “We don’t all walk around with our pants down, and we don’t see how everybody is. But you should realize the private area can be different, and because yours looks different from your brother’s doesn’t mean there is something wrong.”

Everyone's private parts are different, and because we have minimal points of comparison, it's easy to assume the worst.

But penises, like people, are all different and special in their own way.

This patient of Dr. Sandra "Pimple Popper" Lee has come a long way since her first visit, but her skin is still a fertile field of whiteheads unlike any other. You can tell she's gotten more comfortable. There's a friendly vibe in the office as everyone in the room, led by the patient's kids, starts discussing 'Pokémon Go' during all the excavation. Maybe that's why people really watch these? Perhaps people peruse pimple popping videos for the pure purpose of experiencing powerful paroxysms of repulsion from pierced pustules, but possibly it's for the personal parables of patients parading through Dr. Pimple Popper's premises.

Jimmy Kimmel asked restaurant servers what they consider to be the worst part of their jobs, which is semi-insulting coming from a rich dude with his own TV show. So what is the worst part of being a server? Dealing with asshole customers? Handling the food of asshole customers? Having to suppress your urge to dump a plate of spaghetti over the head of an asshole customer? Turns out, all that and much, much more.

Looks like the only thing that would make being a server at restaurants more bearable would be if there were no customers.

According to CNN, astronomers have picked up "strong signals" from a star 94 light-years away from Earth. Now, this could mean there is a potential technological interference oramplification through gravitational lensing, but there also is a small chance that the signals could be sent from a civilization in a different galaxy much more advanced than our own. That's right, not just aliens. But really smart aliens.

The signals come from the sun-like star HD 164595, and were originally picked up by Russian telescopes. They are so unusually strong that they quickly garnered the attention of SETI (Search for extraterritorial intelligence), which is comprised of actual scientists and not just dudes wearing tinfoil hats.

Due to the strength of the signal, scientists theorize that if they were actually connected to a very distant civilization, it would be a much more advanced and stronger than ours here on Earth. A civilization's technological advances are measured on the Kardashev scale. Earth is considered to be a Type I, but HD 164595 would fall into the Type II category.

Right now, scientists are definitely not quick to definitively connect these signals with extra terrestrial life, but there seems to a be a strong interest in learning more about HD 164595. So, you don't have to be totally freaked out by the very real prospect of uber intelligent aliens invading our planet. Just be mildly freaked out.

Kanye West debuted his new music video for 'Fade' at the Video Music Awards on Sunday, and it features Teyana Taylor doing a Flashdance-style performance in the middle of a gym. At the end of the video, Taylor is joined by her baby daughter (yep, she had a baby less than a year ago with those abs), her husband Cleveland Cavaliers player Iman Shumpert, and a flock of sheep. Like you do. James Corden's parody from Monday night reasonably asks if Taylor is giving any thought to the other folks using the gym. That "No Sheep In Gym" sign really couldn't be clearer.

Summer's almost over. BOOOOOO! But the start of September means new stuff is coming to Netflix. YAAAAAAY. Fall is fast approaching, so it's time to settle in, grab a snack, and spend all your time indoors binge-watching movies and TV shows (just like you did all summer).

Here's the complete list of everything that's coming to Netflix in September. (You'll definitely want to make sure to catch the remake of Wicker Man starring Nicolas Cage as a man in a bear suit who punches women.)

Available 9/1/16

The Amityville Horror (2005)

Babel (2006)

Bayou Maharajah: The Tragic Genius of James Booker (2013)

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)

Bratz: The Movie (2007)

Burn, Burn, Burn (2015)

Cats & Dogs (2001)

Crashing: Season 1 (2016)

Defiance (2008)

Easy Fortune Happy Life (2009)

Europe's Last Great Wilderness (2015)

The Fierce Wife (2010)

Footloose (1984)

Full Out (2015)

Game Winning Hit: Season 1

Heartland: Season 7

Hellevator: Season 1

Hoot (2006)

Hope Floats (1998)

I Am the Ambassador: Season 1 ­ NETFLIX EXCLUSIVE

Indochina's Wild Heart (2015)

The IT Crowd: Series 5

Jaws (1975)

Jaws 2 (1978)

Jaws 3 (1983)

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Joyful Noise (2012)

Keepers of the Game (2016)

Last Holiday (2006)

Lucky Days: Season 1

Man on Wire (2008)

Milk Money (1994)

Practical Magic (1998)

Road Trip (2000)

Sam Kinison: Breaking the Rules (2000)

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Scary Movie 2 (2001)

Shameless (U.S.): Seasons 5­ & 6

Stomp the Yard (2007)

Sweeney Todd (2007)

Top Gun (1986)

True Grit (1969)

U­571 (2000)

The Wicker Man (2006)

Wild Madagascar (2015)

The Womanizer: Season 1

The Year of Happiness and Love: Season 1

Available 9/2/16

Baby Daddy: Season 5

Chef's Table: France­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Kazoops!: Season 1 ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Kulipari: An Army of Frogs ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Narcos: Season 2 ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Young & Hungry: Season 4

Available 9/6/16

Crash (2004)

The Finest Hours (2015)

Hard Target 2 (2016)

Honey 3 (2016)

R.L. Stine's Mostly Ghostly: One Night in Doom House (2016)

Available 9/7/16

The Blacklist: Season 3

Galavant: Seasons 1­ and 2

Available 9/10/16

Supergirl: Season 1

Available 9/13/16

Extremis (2016) ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Hawaii Five­0: Season 6

London Has Fallen (2015)

Available 9/14/16

Goldie & Bear: Season 1

Available 9/15/16

Sample This (2012)

The Walking Dead: Season 6

Available 9/16/16

Cedric The Entertainer: Live from the Ville­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Raiders!: The Story of the Greatest Fan Film Ever Made (2015)

The White Helmets (2016) ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Available 9/17/16

3 Days to Kill (2014)

Luther: Season 4

Penny Dreadful: Season 3

Avail 9/19/16

Call the Midwife: Series 5

Gotham: Season 2

Available 9/20/16

Colliding Dreams (2016)

New Girl: Season 5

Zootopia (2016)

Available 9/22/16

Bones: Season 11

Easy: Season 1 ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Wallander: Series 4

Available 9/23/16

Audrie & Daisy (2016) ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Iliza Shlesinger: Confirmed Kills­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Last Man Standing: Season 5

Longmire: Season 5 ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

VeggieTales in the House: Season 4­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Available 9/24/16

Portlandia: Season 6

River (2016)

Available 9/25/16

Family Guy: Season 14

Margaret Cho: PsyCHO (2015)

Available 9/28/16

The Fosters: Season 4 (Part A)

The Imitation Game (2014)

Available 9/30/16

Amanda Knox (2016) ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Marvel's Luke Cage: Season 1­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Scream: Season 2

Sadly, whenever we gain TV shows and movies on Netflix, we lose some as well. Here's everything that will stop being available in September, so if there's anything on this list you want to see, you better watch it ASAP.

Leaving 9/1/16

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

A Walk to Remember (2002)

Anywhere but Here (1999)

Avengers Confidential: Black Widow & Punisher (2014)

The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

Call Me Crazy: A Five Film (2013)

The Color Purple (1985)

Crocodile Dundee (1986)

Days of Thunder (1990)

Defending Your Life (1991)

Double Jeopardy (1999)

Everybody Loves Raymond: Seasons 1­9

Exporting Raymond (2010)

Flight of the Intruder (1991)

Girl Rising (2013)

Hachi: A Dog's Tale (2009)

Hardball (2001)

The Haunting (1999)

Nick Cannon: Mr. Showbiz (2011)

Our Man in Tehran (2013)

Primal Fear (1996)

Roboshark (2015)

Roman Holiday (1953)

S.W.A.T. (2003)

Sins of My Father (2009)

Spanglish (2004)

Traffic (2000)

The Weather Man (2005)

The Wood (1999)

Zoolander (2001)

Leaving 9/4/16

Melissa & Joey: Seasons 1­4

Shanghai Knights (2003)

Leaving 9/5/16

Gabe the Cupid Dog (2012)

Leaving 9/6/16

Hollywood Homicide (2003)

My Babysitter's a Vampire: The Movie (2010)

Leaving 9/9/16

The Emperor's New Groove (2000)

Lilo & Stitch (2002)

Leaving 9/11/16

Fringe: Seasons 1­5

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)

Leaving 9/15/16

Bob Saget: That's What I'm Talkin' About (2013)

Leaving 9/16/16

Gridiron Gang (2006)

The Kids Are All Right (2010)

Leaving 9/17/16

Gimme the Loot (2012)

Simon Killer (2012)

Leaving 9/20/16

Something, Anything (2014)

Leaving 9/23/16

The Lost Medallion (2013)

Leaving 9/24/16

The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)

Leaving 9/25/16

Alias: Season 1­5

Jobs (2013)

Leaving 9/28/16

Open Water (2004)

Open Water 2: Adrift (2006)

Leaving 9/30/16

666 Park Avenue: Season 1

Another Gay Movie (2006)

The Aviators (2008)

League of Super Evil: Season 1

We Were Soldiers (2002)

Wolf (2013)

All right, team. Get watching!

Self-described "dating and relationship expert" Dan Bacon ruined the Internet today with his terrorist manual "How to talk to a woman wearing headphones."

He starts out so wrong:

These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time.

Yet, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them.

Yes, actually, that's exactly what that means, friend-o. You know how annoying it is when you run into an acquaintance and you have to say hello? Multiply that by all the desperate losers in the world.

When you interrupt us wearing headphones we assume you are:

1) A tourist trying to get directions because you don't have a smartphone or you are too dumb to understand the directions your smartphone is giving you.

2) Begging for money.

3) A fucking creep idiot who tries to hit on women who are wearing headphones because you are a fucking creep idiot get away from us.

And yet Bacon Bits is over here sending in the turds who don't naturally understand this to "stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you)" as though we can't get annoyed from three feet away.

According to Dan Dan, wearing headphones has removed the part of our brains that understands when strangers want our attention, so he gives this sign language lesson:

When she looks at you, smile, point to her headphones and confidently ask, “Can you take off your headphones for a minute?” as you pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands what you mean.

If she doesn’t understand that you want her to briefly take off her headphones, simply gesture that you want to talk to her by pointing back and forth from you to her and say, “I want to talk to you for a minute.”

Gesture back and forth? This pickup technique sounds familiar.

Once we've assumed you're having a heart attack and need us to call 911, we take off our headphones and hear this coached patter:

You: [Smile in a friendly, confident manner] Hey – I know it’s not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was walking along and saw you and thought – wow, she’s hot, I have to come over and say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your name?

Catch your balance, fellas, because she's about to shift the magnetic poles with the force of how hard she will roll her eyes. Here is the picture he used to show this technique in practice:

Look at this girl; backed up against the rail, baring her teeth like a threatened wolf. Her arm is folded across her chest which is the unequivocal sign of disinterest. This is the picture of a woman in distress.

Then Dumb Dan goes on with more patter as if the woman wouldn't make use of her jogging attire and run the fuck away. (Side note: if you ever stop a running woman to pick her up you will be the first in the volcano when the revolution begins.) Worse, he tells these poor readers that a common mistake men make when picking up women wearing headphones is that they give up too easily, and that "some women like to test to see how confident a guy is by ignoring his attempts to converse with her and then seeing what he does next."

Follow this advice and die by my fist. I feel v. comfortable saying there is no woman on this planet who pulls this level of hard-to-get with a complete stranger.

In short, leave us alone. You want to know how to talk to a woman who is wearing headphones? Don't.

Meet your new hero, Jessie Graff. Graff is a stuntwoman on the show Supergirl, a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, a competitive gymnast, and now can add being the first woman ever to complete stage 1 of American Ninja Warrior to her giant list of accomplishments. Oh yeah, and she completed the treacherous obstacle course in a skirt. Badass.

Last year, Jessie was eliminated from the show after failing to complete the warped wall, something she did seemingly effortlessly this time around. And make no mistake, although Jessie seemed to complete the course with ease and grace, it knocked out many veterans of American Ninja Warrior that came before her. Here is what she said about her historic run in an interview with ESPN:

I'm excited to complete Stage 1 as an athlete, not just a woman, because it is a deceptively challenging course that has taken out hundreds of stronger athletes than me, male and female. Hitting the buzzer proved my ability to analyze, strategize and make quick adaptive decisions under pressure -- which is one of the most important things you can know about yourself. When the pressure is on, stakes are high, and emergency strikes: will you react intelligently, or freeze up? Knowing that I can conquer the most finicky, volatile course, under the most pressure, gives me the confidence to know that whatever challenges arise in my life, I'm capable of staying centered and making the best decision possible. As far as being the first woman to do it, there are more women than ever who are fully capable of doing what I did, and even more. I'm grateful that it came together for me on the right night, and looking forward to seeing more women hit that buzzer in the future.

Following her impressive performance, Jessie even got the Lego treatment. That's stuff of legends right there.

NBC’s Ninja Warrior finals continue next week.

Donald Trump reached peak hypocrisy today after a Mother Jones article revealed that the tough-on-immigration candidate is actually guilty of employing illegal immigrants. Which is not only illegal like the term "illegal immigrants" implies, but is also the main thing he has been campaigning against.

Montreal native Rachel Blais, along with two other models who chose to protect their anonymity, came forward to assert that they worked for Trump while undocumented. It looks like Trump's position that we have to keep foreigners from entering our country does not apply when those foreigners come in hot model packages, and especially when the profits from said models are going into his own pocket.

While some of them were paid for their work — Blais modeled clothing on The Apprentice well before receiving her work visa — Trump was acting illegally even when the models weren't being compensated. According to Anastasia Tonello, global head of the U.S. immigration team at Laura Devine Attorneys in New York, it is illegal to give work to any non-citizen even if they aren't being paid. She told the magazine:

"If the U.S. company is benefiting from that person, that's work," says Devine. "These rules for immigrants are in place to protect them from being exploited. That U.S. company shouldn't be making money off you."​

According to Mother Jones, all three of the models worked for Trump's agency without visas, and all lived in constant fear of being deported or being taken advantage of.

Worse, while working for Trump Model Management, they were treated like farm animals, paying rent to live in Trump's model dorm in the West Village. According to the models, there were sometimes 11 women living in one two-bedroom apartment, some of the models being as young as 14 -years-old.

One model, "Kate," described her experience to Mother Jones:

"We're herded into these small spaces," Kate said. "The apartment was like a sweatshop."

Living in the apartment during a sweltering New York summer, Kate picked a top bunk near a street-level window in the hopes of getting a little fresh air. She awoke one morning to something splashing her face. "Oh, maybe it's raining today," she recalled thinking. But when she peered out the window, "I saw the one-eyed monster pissing on me," she said. "There was a bum pissing on my window, splashing me in my Trump Model bed."

This sounds like someone describing their experience as a prisoner, not their time working for a presidential nominee.

There is a fantastically gross reason #McChicken is trending and, no, it's not because they're delicious. Here are the reasons McDonald's famous fried chicken sandwich is dominating social media in what could be the world's worst viral marketing campaign.

1. Facebook's Algorithm Has Lost Its Mind

Facebook fired the team of human beings who helped decide what news stories were featured in the social media giant's right-hand trending module. Instead, Facebook let the robots take over. The result? The robot chose hoaxes, stories with cuss words, and pornographic videos instead of, you know, news.

2. The Video Of A Man Having Sex With A McChicken Sandwich

Over the weekend of August 27-28, a Vine video surfaced of a man making love to a fast food chicken sandwich. That's the root of why #McChicken is trending. It's too NSFW to post, so let us paint you a picture: a man put his wang in a chicken sandwich. You're welcome.

3. Yes, You Read That Correctly.

Yes, a man copulated with a McChicken sandwich. Yes, it was shared by millions of real people. All of this happened. This is why western civilization is collapsing. Soon, the internet will be nothing but visual records of humans and fast food sandwiches trying to create a mutant race of stupid sandwich people.

4. Whatever You Do, Don't Watch The Video We're Not Linking To

It's neither erotic or appetizing. It's also, frankly, disrespectful to fried chicken sandwiches, which are vastly superior to all other kinds of sandwiches.

5. The Internet Is Full Of Demented People Who Enjoy Sharing Videos Of People Doing Dumb Things

Okay. We watched it so you wouldn't have to. One of our editors burst into flames. He will be missed. Here's a little perspective: yesterday, it was announced that astronomers may have detected a radio signal from an intelligent alien world. That's right: there's a chance we may have discovered extra-terrestrials. Guess what they would have seen if they looked back? #McChicken.

Here are other reactions to this momentous event in the history of our noble species.

Finally, in the immortal words of Ernie Arnastos:

Keep f**king that chicken.

Beyoncé crushed it at the VMA's on Sunday, as if any of us expected anything different. But how does one follow that up? How do you celebrate winning Video of the Year and being able to do this:

With pizza, duh. Just like us, Bey and Jay grabbed some 'za after the ceremony with a few of their pals. You may have heard of them. The crew included Kanye West, Kim Kardashian West, a makeup-free Alicia Keys and her husband Swizz Beatz, along with Diddy and his girlfriend Cassie.

This pizza party was just like our pizza parties, except that instead of peeling pepperoni off grease-stained paper plates and guzzling beer from red solo cups, Queen Bey—clad in a dazzling white gown—and her extremely famous friends consumed wood-fired pizza and drank wine at an upscale restaurant called Pasquale Jones in Nolita. Then they laughed and laughed and laughed and posed for an Instagram picture. You know, just your run-of-the-mill pizza party!