52 days before the election, Donald Trump decided to finally acknowledge the fact that the current President of the United States was born in the United States, after years of peddling conspiracy theories to the contrary.

In true Trump fashion, he didn't acknowledge the truth without throwing in a big-ass lie, prefacing his confession with an accusation that Hillary started the "birther" movement.

That claim has been fact-checked over the past eight years. "First, she and her campaign never started the birther issue. Second, Donald Trump didn't end the birther issue," explained CNN's Jake Tapper, who covered the entire 2008 election. "He takes credit for President Obama being pressured to release his birth certificate in 2011."

The Birther Movement was a way to try and delegitimize the first African-American president, which as Bernie Sanders pointed out (Remember him?) is, uh, racist.

It's important to note that Trump didn't apologize for stirring this sh*t—he just admitted it was made up.

Twitter wasn't falling for it.

And Hillary is on it.

Finally, here are some funny tweets on the matter. Only 52 days to go.

On Friday Nick Gordon was deemed legally responsible for the death of his girlfriend, Bobbi Kristina Brown, in a civil suit filed against him by the conservator of her estate. On January 31, 2014, Brown was found face-down in the bathtub of cold water, alive but unresponsive​; she died on July 26, 2015, never having regained consciousness.

The lawsuit alleged wrongful death, along with prior accusations that Gordon had physically abused Brown and stolen almost $11,000 from her bank accounts while she was hospitalized. Based on "information and belief," the civil suit alleged that the couple had a fight on January 31, during which Gordon, who was then living with Brown, accused her of cheating and gave her "toxic cocktail rendering her unconscious," before placing her in face-down in the bathtub, causing irreparable brain damage.

Gordon called the allegations "scandalous" and "improper." He failed to appear in court (twice), and today Fulton County Superior Court Judge T. Jackson Bedford found Gordon liable for Brown's death​.

A source for the Brown family told People,

We are praising God. This has been a long time coming. But all the judgments in the world won't bring Krissy back. . .We miss her every single day. Even when there's justice, it's not comfort. She was gone too soon, and we all have to live with that. I hope Nick lives with it every day for the rest of his life, because we sure are.

The suit requested $50 million in damages, but the Judge has yet to determine how much Gordon will be required to pay.

No one was charged after Brown was found on January 31, 2014, but a source in the Fulton County D.A.'s office told People the investigation is "still ongoing."

This won't change anything in the criminal case. Generally speaking, it tends to the other way around: a criminal conviction is used in a civil case. Obviously, if he had taken the stand in a civil case, we could have used what he said. But that's not what happened here. The case is still ongoing, but there are no new updates at this time.

This week, the news was consumed by politics, sexy teachers, and yet more Ryan Lochte drama. Unwind with jokes about beards, the Moon, dogs that think they're people, and more, in the top 39 tweets of the week!

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Victoria Beckham's son Brooklyn filmed her having a Saturday Night Fever-moment with costumed characters in Times Square yesterday, and maybe the most surprising thing about it is how very few tourists* seem to actually recognize that Posh Spice is in front of them.

*Anyone in Times Square willingly is a tourist.

A court granted a pregnant Staten Island woman the right to ban her estranged husband from the delivery room during the birth of their child. If I've learned anything from movies, it's that women usually want the father there even if they hate him, so they have someone to yell at (as they should!). So she must really hate him.

“It basically boils down to it’s not about him, it’s about me,’’ Brianne Stoffer Tagliarini, 35, told theNew York Post yesterday. “I don’t feel he should have the right to be in the room when I’m in my most vulnerable state, seeing me in pain and seeing me uncomfortable.’’

Her estranged husband, 37-year-old Eric Tagliarini, said he was "beside myself" when he heard the verdict. “I want to be in the delivery room," he said. "I’m a full-time dad; I’m not a part-time dad."

Stoffer sought the emergency court order on September 2nd, two days before her due date (the kid is taking its time. I would too if this is what I was getting birthed into). Richmond County Supreme Court Justice Catherine DiDomenico sided with the mother, saying the "wife, as a patient, has a legal right to determine the course of her medical treatment and the right to the utmost privacy in the receipt of medical care."

She added that giving the husband access to the delivery room when she doesn't want him there could create a "potentially unsafe and volatile situation."

Eric Tagliarini was reportedly "blindsided" by the order, saying "I was there" during the birth of their other two kids together, ages 3 and 4. But that was before Brianne split from her husband, who she alleges had been “constantly harassing and provoking” her.

“I have no problem with him coming in at the end," she added as a caveat. "The baby comes out, he can have that moment, and that’s that. But I don’t want him there when I’m in labor."

Sooo, he has to miss the part with all the yelling and screaming, but he still gets to be there when the baby pops out? Dude, just shut up and be thankful if she doesn't murder you during the delivery.

Woah, welcome to the vortex of time and space in which Nick Cannon is dating Chilli. Chilli???? Dancing-in-silk-pajamas-in-front-of-a-wind-machine Chilli? Everyone's girl crush in the '90s Chilli? TLC's introvert,Chilli? Yes, that one.

The R&B singer and Mariah's ex-hubby have been "rumored" to be dating. Last month, fans speculated that this seductive Instagram pic was about Cannon:

And then on Wednesday night, the couple was spotted out together at an LA nightclub, making those rumors seem pretty legit.

“Nick and Chilli were all over each other,” a mysterious source told Page Six. “He was deejaying and any chance they could get they kissed and hugged and were super affectionate.”

Paparazzi photos showed the twosome being all snuggly as they walked out together, making the rumors even more legit.

Honestly, I was holding out hope for Nick to get back together with Mariah, with whom he has wildly adorable 5-year-old twins. But if they can't work it out, at least Chilli would be the coolest stepmom ever.

The world is a stressful place. Everyone can always use tips on how to handle stress, right? Thanks to @lovelyyy_lina on Twitter, now you have 101. She tweeted a handout given to her by her psychology teacher, Mr. Phillips. It's chock full of practical tips on how to live a less stressful life.

The tweet includes photos of the double-sided list.

The full list reads:

1. Get up 15 minutes earlier

2. Prepare for the morning the night before

3. Avoid tight fitting clothes

4. Avoid relying on chemical aids

5. Set appointments ahead

6. Don't rely on your memory ... write it down

7. Practice preventive maintenance

8. Make duplicate keys

9. Say "no" more often

10. Set priorities in your life

11. Avoid negative people

12. Use time wisely

13. Simplify meal times

14. Always make copies of important papers

15. Anticipate your needs

16. Repair anything that doesn't work properly

17. Ask for help with the jobs you dislike

18. Break large tasks into bite size portions

19. Look at problems as challenges

20. Look at challenges differently

21. Unclutter your life

22. Smile

23. Be prepared for rain

24. Tickle a baby

25. Pet a friendly dog/cat

26. Don't know all the answers

27. Look for a silver lining

28. Say something nice to someone

29. Teach a kid to fly a kite

30. Walk in the rain

31. Schedule play time into every day

32. Take a bubble bath

33. Be aware of the decisions you make

34. Believe in yourself

35. Stop saying negative things to yourself

36. Visualize yourself winning

37. Develop your sense of humor

38. Stop thinking tomorrow will be a better today

39. Have goals for yourself

40. Dance a jig

41. Say "hello" to a stranger

42. Ask a friend for a hug

43. Look up at the stars

44. Practice breathing slowly

45. Learn to whistle a tune

46. Read a poem

47. Listen to a symphony

48. Watch a ballet

49. Read a story curled up in bed

50. Do a brand new thing

51. Stop a bad habit

52. Buy yourself a flower

53. Take time to smell the flowers

54. Find support from others

55. Ask someone to be your "vent-partner"

56. Do it today

57. Work at being cheerful and optimistic

58. Put safety first

59. Do everything in moderation

60. Pay attention to your appearance

61. Strive for Excellence NOT perfection

62. Stretch your limits a little each day

63. Look at a work of art

64. Hum a jingle

65. Maintain your weight

66. Plant a tree

67. Feed the birds

68. Practice grace under pressure

69. Stand up and stretch

70. Always have a plan "B"

71. Learn a new doodle

72. Memorize a joke

73. Be responsible for your feelings

74. Learn to meet your own needs

75. Become a better listener

76. Know your limitations and let others know them, too

77. Tell someone to have a good day in pig Latin

78. Throw a paper airplane

79. Exercise every day

80. Learn the words to a new song

81. Get to work early

82. Clean out one closet

83. Play patty cake with a toddler

84. Go on a picnic

85. Take a different route to work

86. Leave work early (with permission)

87. Put air freshener in your car

88. Watch a movie and eat popcorn

89. Write a note to a far away friend

90. Go to a ball game and scream

91. Cook a meal and eat it by candlelight

92. Recognize the importance of unconditional love

93. Remember that stress is an attitude

94. Keep a journal

95. Practice a monster smile

96. Remember you always have options

97. Have a support network of people, places and things

98. Quit trying to fix other people

99. Get enough sleep

100. Talk less and listen more

101. Freely praise other people

BONUS: Relax, take each day at a time...you have the rest of your life to live

Bonus bonus: MAKE MORE LISTS!

Lina's tweet is pretty damn popular. It's gotten over 22,000 retweets and been liked over 27,000 times since she posted it on September 2. It seems like the internet is filled with people excited to learn new ways to deal with stress. Okay, bonus bonus bonus: GET OFF THE INTERNET MORE. Haha, yeah right, just kidding.

We've all been tempted to cut corners on our commute by making an illegal U-turn or turn on red, but one impatient Russian on Sep. 16 tried to steal a few seconds by making a 'Dukes of Hazzard' style jump off a ferry's ramp. Spoiler alert: he failed. The Kerch ferry connects Russian-controlled Crimea to the officially-Russian Taman peninsula on the Black Sea. Geopolitical complications aside, a lot of people cross it as part of their daily commute—assuming it isn't delayed by rescue operators fishing cars out of the water:

Jokes about lying fitness instructors, avocado toast, bad parenting and Dr. Oz: These are 25 of the funniest tweets by women this week!

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Children have a sweetness and innocence that can be terrifying when it's masking a well of pure evil. These five kids in horror movies haunted our waking nightmares for years. But off-screen, the actors who played them have grown up to be seemingly normal adults who are not a threat to our well-being ... as far as we can tell. That being said, if I ever run into one in the real world, I'm proceeding with caution.

1) The Grady twins from The Shining

Lisa and Louise Burns, 46,played the horror genre's most iconic scary children in 1980's The Shining. The Grady twins return from the dead to torment little protagonist Danny Torrence with their spooky refrain of "come play with us, Danny, forever, and ever."

It's hard to go to a motel without imagining these two popping up in a hallway. But luckily, the Burns sisters are very much alive today and not haunting motel rooms, as far as we can tell. They both live in London, and though they have been mostly out of the public eye since The Shining, they share a Twitter feed and Facebook page, where they post pics like this:

Creepiness rating: I'd play with them forever, and ever.

2) Rhoda Penmark in The Bad Seed

At a Hillary Clinton fundraiser last month, Cher compared Donald Trump to the little girl played by Patty McCormack in 1956's The Bad Seed. "He’s so Patty McCormack," said the singer. "Consummate liar, doesn’t care who she hurts, insane, and you know, sociopathic narcissist."

So that should give you an idea of how scary Patty McCormack's character was: She's like a tiny Trump who uses her tap shoes as murder weapons.

But there's nothing terrifying or Trump-like about 71-year-old McCormack, who has been working as a movie, TV and stage actress for the past five decades.

Except maybe this line from her IMDB page, which reads just a smidge passive-aggressive: "While the lovely and talented blond suffered her share of hard knocks in adjusting to an adult career, she did not fade away into oblivion or self destruct as those child stars before her did.​"

Creepiness rating: Pending further investigation.

3) Samara Morgan​, a.k.a. the scary girl in The Ring.

You may remember her as the long-haired demon child in the 2002 remake of The Ring who emerges from a malfunctioning TV set to destroy you and everything you love. The woman who played little Samara Morgan is now 24 and her name is Daveigh Chase. She's still an actress, so don't be alarmed if she suddenly appears in your television.

Her life seems really rad according to her Instagram page. And here she is staring at her dog, who looks very happy and not-haunted.

The only creepy thing about her is this video:

Creepiness rating: As long as the phone doesn't ring while she's on TV, I'm good.

4. Regan MacNeil in The Shining

Linda Blair played Regan MacNeil, the little girl who becomes possessed by a demon in both versions of The Exorcist. There's nothing cute about demon possession.

But now, 57-year-old Blair lives in Hollywood where she acts and, according to Twitter, really loves dogs. She even started her own foundation to protect rescue animals. She also loves taking pictures with her fans.

This is the opposite of what a demon would do.

Creepiness rating: Probably not possessed anymore.

5. Kyra Collins in The Sixth Sense.

Kyra Collins was the creepy dead girl in The Sixth Sense who pays a visit to Haley Joel Osment after she died from a chronic illness. You may remember her creepily vomiting in a tent. What's she up to today? She's Mischa Barton!

And she's mostly not haunting people anymore, except for that time she posted a tactless Instagram reflecting on #BlackLivesMatter from the French Riviera. Also her performance in The OC, I'll be honest, a little bit scary.

Creepiness factor: Keeping an eye on you, Mischa.

Goonies star Corey Feldman appeared on the September 16 episode of the TODAY show to debut his band Corey's Angels' new album, Angelic 2 the Core. None of that was made up. This looks like just another 80's child star breakdown, but according to Corey, it's completely deliberate.

He has since been thoroughly mocked for looking like a buzzard wearing a cowl and for channeling his childhood friend Michael Jackson (Corey's childhood, not Michael's). But, it wasn't a spontaneous breakdown, but, according to Feldman, a project devoted to a good cause that's been ten years in the making.

“I know that angels have probably saved me once or twice in my life and I like helping them, as well. That’s why I created Corey’s Angels as a way to help girls who are kind of lost and needed to find their way to get their opportunities, their dreams, and make them realities.”

Oh, right. It's an open secret in Hollywood that Feldman and his best friend and fellow child star Corey Haim were sexually abused by numerous producers and others in the movie industry. That sounds a lot like he's worried about kids like him today. He doesn't get into exactly how he's helping these girls, but the sentiment is still pretty dope.

And those interesting dance moves? One of his albums is also dedicated to Michael Jackson, and Feldman says his performance is Jackson inspired because "we grew up dancing together." Because even though Jackson is also accused as an abuser, Corey always defends him. Because this story is incredibly messy and depressing and yet we grew up with these figures and cannot cast them aside.

So, uh, whadyathink?

Ellen DeGeneres continued to be America's cool aunt by pulling a few pranks on America's hot cousin, Carrie Underwood. This was the singer's 10th appearance on the show, and the two reminisced about her first appearance 10 years ago. We were babes—just little babes," said Underwood. "Right after Idol, I was on it."

To celebrate this milestone, Carrie got pranked a couple times, because Auntie Ellen loves her some pranks! Here's prank number one, which involved Seth Rogen (who appeared earlier in the show) and Carrie's "famous chicken dance."

And here's prank #2, which involves Ellen surprising terrifying Carrie with a gift to "celebrate" her 10th appearance on the show.

The dude who jumped out of Ellen's side table is wearing a Mike Fisher jersey (Carrie's is married to hockey player Mike Fisher).

Carrie was so shocked she screamed. C'mon, Carrie, when you're friends with Ellen, you must always be on high alert for pranks. Take it from me, someone who has been BFF with Ellen for years in my mind. She could be pranking me any day now, so I always stay vigilant.

When a woman comes of a certain age, her maternal instincts start to kick in. Suddenly a hole in her heart emerges, a dark void which can only be filled by lovingly nurturing her young. But what's this woman to do if she is, as her mother loves to loudly point out at family gatherings, chronically single? Or, what if she is dating someone, but she and her partner don't feel ready to bring human life into the world yet? Well, she gets a dog to compensate.

Here are seven ways to fill the void in your empty, childless heart with dogs.

1. Take your pups on vacation and make them take awkward sibling photos.

"Oh my God, Mom, why do you always want to take our picture? You're so embarrassing," you'll pretend to hear them say. (Because unlike human children, dogs do not have the ability to speak words.)

2. Take them back-to-school shopping.

Can you believe it's time for your little ball of fluff to head off to school already? Where has the time gone? After you drop them off, you can brag to all the other parents at Starbucks that your dog got into the finest puppy kindergarten in town.

3. Make them do their chores.

It's important that children dogs have chores when they're young so they grow up to be responsible and independent. Plus, they won't complain when you give them their allowance in Milk Bones instead of money.

4. Take them to the playground.

Pay no mind to the cranky soccer mom behind you who wants to push her toddler on the swing. Now is your time to bond with your pup. These little moments are the things you'll remember when they're all grown up.

5. Throw them an elaborate birthday party.

You want to make your dog's birthday special. Really, go all out! Hire a magician, rent a bouncy house, and invite the whole neighborhood so you'll establish your reputation as the mom who throws the best parties and bakes the best cakes (using only dog-friendly ingredients) around.

6. Insist that they bundle up before going out into the cold.

There's nothing quite like seeing your little pup's eyes light up when they see the first snow of the season. Ignore their God-given fur coat and make sure they're dressed in plenty of layers before they head out to play in the cold. Don't let evolution get in the way of fulfilling your need to be a caretaker.

7. Post embarrassing pictures of them napping in the car on social media.

Your parents will love seeing adorable pictures of your napping dog on Facebook almost as much as they would love to see adorable pictures of their human grandchildren.

Really, who needs kids?

Stop what you're doing. You can finish that email later. Tell your co-worker to shut up. Pull out your Post-Its and do this immediately.

Seriously, this is way more important than anything else you think you should be doing.

Wait, what's that? You're supposed to write little notes on Post-Its? That's weird.

One thing all new art teachers should be told is that normal, well-adjusted children can be extremely f*cking creepy, so don't just assume you're teaching a little psychopath in the making. (Sometimes, you totally are, though.) Here are some of the funniest, creepiest instances of kids drawing really messed up pictures.

1. Desertchoir is trying to assume the best.

A nine year old drew a very accurate picture of the playground. The swings and slides were depicted just as they are. He also added all the other campers The picture was well done and I would have loved it if not for the fact that every child in the picture had limbs askew and red pools around their heads and torsos. I asked the boy what he drew.

He told me, 'they all got hurt.' He said, 'I'm here' and pointed to an empty spot on the page. Then he said, 'and you're there too Miss dersertchoir', and pointed to one of the ruined bodies. He had a single father who was a MMA fighter. I assume he just watched a lot of gory things because he was otherwise a very nice child.

2. Potsieharriswas the creepy child.

as a kid, when i really liked the way a drawing of a person (i always drew people) turned out, i would draw food near them so they wouldn't get hungry and die. i would go back and check to make sure they were still on the page and feel glad i had the foresight to draw in a basket of oranges or whatever.

if i didn't especially like a drawing and didn't give it food and saw later that the figure was still on the page, i knew that was just because i hadn't drawn them well enough to make them "real."

i think this is the first time i have ever articulated this.

3. BloodFleshBones probably never slept again.

I had a 2nd grader come up to me while I was still a student teacher in the art room. He showed me a drawing that looked like a stick figure in a cave. I said "it's great! Why don't you tell me about it?" (Kids react better to that than "what is it?") His response?

"It's me watching you sleep!"

4. karlamarxist just can't be sure.

I teach English to Japanese kids. Text book had them draw their ideal pet. A 10 year old drew a human chained up in a cage, with an electric shock box attached to them with wires.

Taught him for a few more years until he graduated from my class to jnr high school, he had really matured into a sweet charming boy by then. Or he was a psychopath who had mastered the skill of manipulating those around him.

5. Not all teachers dislike disturbing art, Clantron learned.

once painted a picture a a giant psychedelic squirrel holding a human head in its paws like an acorn. The superintendent of our school system bought it at my senior art show for $200 and it still hangs in his house today.

6. tsaketh's art was only disturbing to his teacher.

When I was 5 or 6, my teacher called CPS and had my parents come in because I was drawing nothing but big titted broads holding dicks.

I was actually drawing "muscle men with swords". I had just seen Conan the Barbarian.

7. Bluehold's classmate freaked out a whole community.

Had a college sculpture class with a student who thought it would be clever to splay a roadkill cat on a cross as a project. After class was over, he proceeded to toss the project in a dumpster. Fine and good until it was discovered by someone who decided that it was a clear sign of occult activity and proceeded to notify local media. There were Christian marches through campus for a solid week.

8. This one, from p_a_shal, is just funny.

In 4th grade my art teacher berated me for drawing a tree wearing underwear.

9. And MystyDikship's story is kind of sad, but not as sad as it could be.

1st grade. The children were given an assignment to draw a picture, and write a short story about what they would do over Summer vacation.

As I walked around the room helping the children with spelling, I noticed one student using a lot of red crayon. I stopped by his desk, and saw he had made a dog, with its tail flying off in the air, and a big red gush, like water from a fire hose coming out of its ass. There were 5 brown circles in the red, and what looked like a bean with 2 big X's on it. Above the dogs head, there was a bunch of colorful squiggly lines, and a shovel. I honestly had no clue what was going on here, but it made me uncomfortable.

I asked him how this was related to summer vacation. He told me his dog just pooped out a bunch of babies, but one died. He said he was going to have a funeral for the dead one, and throw a birthday party for the alive ones. Thank goodness I allowed him to explain.... it truly looked like he was going to use a live dog as a pinata over the summer.

10. But sometimes teachers can be pretty awesome about creepy art, like lilmommy89.

I'm a bit late to the party, but I taught English and I had the kids come up with their own inventions and they had to create advertisements for them. This one kid came up with the "baby stapler"---for when you didn't want to babysit or got tired of your baby, you would staple it to the wall. He drew it in detail. Had to call the principal in for that one (that kid was such a spoiled little punk--he also picked on special ed kids).

Also, I had one student that the other teachers whispered was "so creepy" and one teacher swore up and down he would be a school shooter. He wrote really dark poetry and would draw knives. I was the young, new teacher at the time, so he got kicked out of his other classes stuck in my poetry elective class.

That kid was so cool! I sat down and chatted with him, and I discovered that he would draw knives because his uncle knew how to smith(?)/make knives, and his uncle would sometimes create the knives from his designs. He also wrote some really beautiful poetry. It was dark at first, but once he got past trying to shock me and live up to his "reputation", he wrote some great stuff. He even wrote some in a different language. I was really proud to say I made a connection with that kid when it seemed like everyone else just washed their hands of him. Apparently he had a pretty awful home life. I hope he is doing well now.

If you're anything like us, all you ever want is pizza. (Because pizza.) You also definitely don't want to work for it. Well, Domino's just made ordering pizza as easy as sending an emoji via Facebook messenger to Domino's, and a robot will take care of the rest.

All you need to do is set up an account with Domino's, link it to your Facebook, and boom! You've got pizza coming your way, thanks to a bot. (Avoid the 'Noid, use a Droid!)

Domino's isn't the first company to use a Facebook bot—essentially a chatbot that will respond to you over Facebook messenger—to help users. CNN, Fandango, even the White House are all using Facebook bots. But this bot serves pizza, so clearly it's far and above better than any of the others.

Hopefully someone will combine a dating service bot with the Domino's bot. That person will surely win the Nobel Peace prize.

Amy Schumer, actress, comedian and bold warrior in the face of bullshit, continues to flip the bird at Hollywood's literally and figuratively narrow beauty standards. On last night's episode of The Jonathan Ross Show, she talked about the pressure put on actresses to be thin, and said that she was told to lose weight for her role in Trainwreck.

"It was explained to me before I did that movie that if you weigh over 140 pounds as a woman in Hollywood, if you're on the screen, it will hurt people's eyes," she said, according to People.

At the time, Schumer, 35, said that she "didn't know" (that the patriarchy tries to keep women down by keeping us hungry? That carbs are not worth giving up for a silly career in film and television?), so she lost the weight they asked of her.

But it won't happen again. "I didn't know that, so I lost some weight to do that, but never again," she said.

Good try, Hollywood, but Schumer is not falling for your starvation shenanigans. From now on, if you want Amy in your movies (and you do), you better let her eat some damn cake.

If you need a way to relax even though you have to be online, you need to subscribe to Primitive Technology. He is the internet's favorite half-naked do-it-yourself guru who makes houses, axes, and even forges from actual scratch. Literally, from sticks and mud and stones. It's also extremely relaxing and meditative, just the sounds of nature and his handiwork. Now shhhhhhhhhhh. He's making a tiled shed: