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Sailors rescue a swimming squirrel that was too tired to make it to shore on his own.

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Ahoy! (via YouTube)

This is a story of a compassionate sailor, LifelineRedcoat, and his son, rescuing a tired squirrel they found trying to navigate the Somerset Resevoir in 2012. After jumping into the water to help the resistant squirrel and sailing him to the other side, they get him as close to the shore as they can and then wing him toward the rocks. You're free, wet squirrel! Fly! 

The video fades out before we see him make it safely to shore, but he's probably ok.Flying Squirrel on Make A Gif

So cute. What should we name him?

(by Myka Fox)


Real fear.

Heard a child describe a ranting homeless man as "so random."

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Danforth FranceThu, 19 Jun 2014 15:49:49 EDT

Heard a child describe a ranting homeless man as "so random."

Disastrous and embarrassing cases of people forgetting to log out of Facebook.

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Safe and sound, unlike your password.(Via)

When someone takes over your Facebook account, do they take over your soul? No, of course they don't because souls aren't real. But Facebook is, and there's nothing more embarrassing than when someone steals your password and posts a pornographic status update in your name for all your nearly-forgotten high school acquaintances and distant cousins to read. Take a lesson from these poor victims of status-tory "frape." Strengthen that password and lock it up tight if you don't want to end up being humiliated in front of all 1600 of your "friends" in a hilariously entertaining manner.


On the bright side, you've got some well-mannered students if "poopieface" is the worst they'll do. (Via)


Holly really hates people who misuse words. Quick, someone hack her! (Via)


Well, no and yes. No he didn't hack me, but yes, he did this.(Via)


Not sure the analogy holds, but it's beautiful nonetheless, mom.(Via)

Updated 5/14/14:


Weirdest baby shower invite ever. (Via)



Ashley probably knew that would happen. She knows the effect she's had on men. (Via)



Hey, she's forgetful and a thief, but there's no reason to call her mean!(Via)


Only the best could "hack" into an account that's already logged in.(Via)


Updated 1/20/2014:


When can we visit him in the dick removal hospital?

 


At least in America they just search your crotch.

 


Let's just agree that everyone on Facebook's illiterate. Cool?

 


You owe him one George.

 


Worst "hack" ever. At least call her gay or something.

 

Updated 9/24/13:


Using meds without prescription causes you to give out your password.

 


It's nice when your friends REALLY know you.

 


The easiest way to come out is to leave your Facebook logged in.

 


Fire! This is a quiz right?

 


The best account abductions make you wait for it.

 


Jake also publicly urinates well above the amateur level.

 

Updated 7/9/13:


We're never attempting a home improvement project again.

 


Thanks for showing such impressive restraint, stranger.

 


She'll have to wait for Dongukkah.

 


Always use plenty of lube...love, mom.

 


Hope she comments about Terence's cock next so he doesn't feel left out!

 


This is the first known evidence of a new phenomenon: homophobifrape.

 

Updated 6/7/13:


Or this could just be some things Vanessa needed to get off her chest.

 


You've been Caged!

 


"I love publicly describing my intimate cleaning rituals every once in a while."

 


She's still calling him "babe." We think he's got a chance.

 


What a waste of a perfectly good hack.

 


Someone teach that man about emoticons!

 

Updated 5/8/13:


The kids call this a "skinny hack."

 


If anyone knows where I can find a penis resembling an onion ring, let me know.

 


Her real friends know she hates pandas.

 


Someone's aunt wanted to teach her a lesson about how not to use hashtags.

 


It's not actually that hard to do, but you're gonna get some ball on your face.
 

Updated 3/22/13:


So, this is the work of a "genius?"

 


Like an oral sex version of "I just saved a lot of money by switching my car insurance!"

 


Never hack Liam Neeson.

 


That escalated quickly.

 


Mister Tumnus, you have weird friends.

 


Facebook's reckoning.

 


Well, he already gave away his Facebook password. What's left?

 

Updated 2/21/12:


That, or Jonathan has a Tyler Durden-style alter ego who needs their own Facebook page.
 


"I would never turn down a dumb blonde. Don't put words in my mouth!"
 


Hey, person who did that: you need to be meaner.

 


You/you're - the last issue on which Americans are absolutely sure about right and wrong.
 


When you're not here all I do is snoop around your computer for other peoples' pictures.
 


"I am kind of into Satan and all his works."

Updated 1/17/13:


Wendee gives credit where credit is due. It takes a village to cuckold a husband.
 


These delightfully fresh-faced employees were given a sitcom 5 minutes after posting.
 


Recap: she missed her period status but she's going to keep it anyway.

 


Frankly, if someone logged on to our Facebook and handled those tasks, we'd appreciate it.
 


Like Megan's Law for cheaters, but it's your ex who gets to tell everyone you're scum.

 


If you tried this at work, it wouldn't be called "fun." It'd be called "team building."
 


Classic Cliana — only interested in other people's lives until the commercials are over.
 


Religion: one of the few things on Facebook that will like (and stalk) you back.

Updated 10/22/12:


Revenge is a dish best served by remote control.
 


It's a mystery where she gets that language from...
 


This man will never be able to get a real job now. He's ruined forever.
 


If you want to know your significant others' password, put a ring on it.
 

 

 

 

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Sit down, be quiet, and watch these three dudes in stiletto-heeled shoes dance to Beyoncé.

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Triple threat.

I am not a man. I am a graceless, shambling mass of flabby tissue and fluid, and I should just hobble myself and get it over with. These gentlemen floating with elegance in razor sharp stiletto boots as they put to shame everyone who has ever dared to embarrass themselves on the dance floor at a wedding, these are men. The rest of us are monsters.

This clip from Yanis Marshall Choreography was apparently their last rehearsal before appearing on Britain's Got Talent's final live show. They'd better win if they're competing. Britain only has talent as long as these dudes are on its soil. 

(by Bob Powers)

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL.

"Saved By The Bell" to be exposed in unauthorized Lifetime television movie.

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Time out... they're making WHAT??? (via NBC)

Lifetime, television for people who loved Saved By The Bell, has a major announcement: they are making an unauthorized  television movie of NBC's cheesy, long-running, racist children's show Saved By The Bell.

Of course we all remember Dustin Diamond's tell-all book where he complains that everyone in the cast was getting laid but him, and everyone was doing drugs but him, so Lifetime took his lead and found out what really happened off-screen from everyone involved -- but him. 

It's gonna be so good!

The movie was cast by the original series' casting director,  Robin Lippin.  BuzzFeed got the exclusive on who's playing who.  


I can't wait for 20 years from now to see the making of "the making of" movie. (via BuzzFeed)

Dylan Everett, the Degrasi: The Next Generation star looks shockingly like Mark Paul Gosselaar with his hair bleached. 

Sam Kindseth from Shameless will be hanging as Dustin Diamond. 

Julian Works from Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones will sweat it out as Mario Lopez.

Supernatural's Tiera Skovbye will be baring it all as stripper Elizabeth Berkely.

Taylor Russel McKenzie from Blink will be filling Lark Voorhies's designer shoes.

Lastly, newcomer Alyssa Lynch will be stepping up as teen idol Tiffany Amber Thiessen. 

None of the original cast is involved, and the movie is totally unauthorized. Thank you, Lifetime. Have you been reading my diary?

Premieres September 1st, 9pm, on Lifetime. 

(by Myka Fox)

T-Mobile's CEO went way over the line in talking about AT&T and Verizon--and nailed it.

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Getting paid $29 million a year gives you some leeway to speak your mind.

John Legere is the CEO of T-Mobile, and here's something I never thought I'd type: he really made me like T-Mobile today. I'm sure that feeling will fade soon, but Mr. Legere tapped into something very fundamental to my soul in his address to industry journalists at a press conference, which is my fanatical hatred of telecom companies (in this case, the ones besides T-Mobile). 

Some people think that claiming that the people who run AT&T and Verizon are "raping you for every penny" because "they f***ing hate you" went a bit too far. I admit, I really don't like rape comparisons of any kind, and maybe it was too far. I also admit that I loathe the people he's talking about so much that I will probably overlook it. 

Here are some more of his remarks:

"Why don't AT&T and Verizon offer unlimited data plans? A.) They can't. B.) They're greedy bastards."

"Six billion dollars that creates the biggest cacophony of bullshit in history."

"These high and mighty duopolists that are raping you for everything you have, if they could do something nice for you, they would. They f*cking hate you."

I'm not about to start a cult of John Legere. He's pretty proud of his frank and vulgar speaking style, which is cool, but he's still a telecom CEO. He appears to be a better one, but that's like saying "I'm gonna go hang out with that grizzly bear, because he's much nicer than the others." I'm still pumped he talked smack about the other grizzlies.

See the full video here. I just hope this post doesn't end up getting throttled by Verizon.


A guy wearing a Mentos suit got dropped into a tank of Diet Coke.

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The proper attire for a Mo'Mentos occasion.

Once upon a time, somebody dropped a Mentos into a bottle of Diet Coke, and the Internet never looked back. In fact, there was a several month period a few years back in which it seemed like you had to wade through a fizzy mire of Mentos/Diet Coke experiment videos just to get to your daily allotment of cat memes and celebrity nip slips. 

Too bad this Vine of a guy covered in Mentos falling into a tank of Diet Coke didn't exist back then. It would have really exploded.

That's Harley Morenstein, from the popular bro-centric YouTube stunt cooking show Epic Meal Time, in this teaser clip. His new show EpicMealEmpire doesn't begin airing on the FYI television network until next month, so I'm assuming he survived this junk-food-based science-esque exploit. 

It's worth noting that Morenstein appears to be attempting this with only a snorkel for respiratory assistance, while David Letterman opted for a full oxygen tank when he did essentially the same thing about thirty years ago.  

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

If They Made Postcards For The Places You Always Get Stuck In

A guy led cops on a high-speed chase through a golf course.

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"Mind if we play through?"

This car chase across a golf course in looks like so much fun, the only thing missing is some up-tempo banjo music from the Dukes of Hazard. And let's not kid ourselves, everyone involved in this had a blast and probably broke whatever the world record is for screaming "hoo boy!" 

The chase went down in Moorehead, Minnesota, where Cody Fuller was playing a round at the Village Green and suddenly found himself in the middle of a scene straight out of Grand Theft Auto: St. Andrews.

The police eventually caught up with the driver at a local mall (where he may have been shopping for a plaid jumpsuit) and booked him for criminal property damage, fleeing police, and -- say it with me... felony drug charges.

Police officials are looking into whether the cops followed protocol while chasing the Bogey Bandit across the course. While any hack could tell you it was definitely piss-poor golf etiquette.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

A Seattle man attempted to delay his ex-girlfriend's flight with a bomb threat.

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"Don't send, don't send, sent it - shit!" (via)

A broken-hearted idiot with a plan was arrested near Seattle today after allegedly calling in a bomb threat to prevent his ex-girlfriend's plane from taking off. The Las Vegas-bound flight was evacuated and the passengers were sent back to be re-screened by security. Police said they were able to identify the 26-year-old suspect, Zachary Milliren after speaking with passengers until one of them must have told them it sounded like the work of a thoughtless, reckless asshole they had just dumped.

Breakups are tough. Maybe he's not a terrible guy, he's just seen too many rom-coms and imagined a scene where he calls in a bomb scare, races to the airport and catches up to his ex just as she's re-boarding the flight along with all the other pissed-off passengers. She sees him coming towards her, and after a brief moment of disbelief, realizes that any man who would go to such incredible lengths to prevent her from leaving him (or the general area) must be the guy for her. They kiss. Everyone around them is so moved by the scene that the cop in charge wipes a tear from his eye and says, "get on that plane, you knuckleheads." Then they fly to Vegas and head straight for the chapel, where they're married by a priest dressed as Elvis.

Then, later that night, the guy is arrested for punching a blackjack dealer for giving him "shit cards," and he spends his honeymoon in a Vegas jail cell. Because, one way or another, guys like that usually wind up in jail. 

This afternoon, a reporter for KIRO TV sent out the following tweet:

Looks about right. No word whether the couple will be getting back together to try and rekindle their romance between protective glass.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

The pros and cons of a Redskins name change.

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(via Getty)

by Dan Abromowitz

The US Patent Office canceled trademarks for the Washington Redskins on Wednesday, potentially forcing team owner Dan Snyder to change a name widely derided as a Native American slur. Here are the pros and cons of changing the Redskins name:

(Follow Dan Abromowitz on Twitter.)

Designed by Cole Mitchell.

The Male Ponytail Acceptability Spectrum

Jeremy Meeks: profile of a lady killer.

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If loving him is a crime, lock him up. (via Facebook)

Jeremy Meeks, the Internet loves you. It hearts you. It teardrop tattoos you.

The Stockton police department posted Meek's mugshot on Facebook Wednesday, reporting that the 30-year-old had been caught in a sting operation and was arrested for five counts of felony weapons charges and street terrorism. The Facebook community was arrested by his good looks. 

By Friday morning, the picture has received over 50,000 likes and been shared almost 6,000 times. The comments section blew up.

Those were the women. Here are the men.

Rude.

It's about time women were allowed to objectify terrible people. And it's not like Meeks was arrested for sexual assault or murder, he was arrested for weapons! What's hotter than that? Lemme get a good look at those guns, son. 

Some believe he should give up his life of crime and follow his destiny as a model. Once again, the Internet is on top of it.


Not a model citizen. (via Red Alert Live)

And, of course, he has become a meme. 

(via Red Alert Live)

 

(via Red Alert Live)

 


(via Red Alert Live

News One interviewed with him in prison. He said he was shocked to hear his image went viral when his wife told him what was going on (sorry, ladies, this thug is taken). He said that while he "appreciated" the response, the reason he even agreed to an interview was to inform the public that he was no longer a criminal. When asked about the teardrop tattoo by his eye, Meeks said, "I've done some things I'm not proud of."

Oh. Right. Almost forgot he was a convicted criminal who has already spent 9 years in prison. 

If a teardrop tattoo represents something you're not proud of, give me one for how long I've spent staring at his picture. 

Hopefully he doesn't turn around and sue everybody like this attractive woman did after her mug shot went viral.

(by Myka Fox)


Cruel environment.

Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis would like to remind you they didn't just play the selfie game, they invented it.

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#Pioneers.

Thelma and Louise is typically remembered for starting the trends of BFFs driving extremely recklessly and Brad Pitt being extremely hot. While recent cultural events like #yesallwomen could be seen as evidence that the movie still has something pertinent to say in 2014, most people probably forget that these two ladies were also showing us how to Instagram back when Michael Madsen could still be cast in a movie as the "reasonable" guy.


And they even used the super-retro Polaroid filter.(Via MGM)

In case we all forgot where our online narcisissm royalties should be sent, Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon got together to jog our memories with the following Tweet, which Sarandon fired off yesterday.

(by Bob Powers)

Hot mess.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - June 20, 2014

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1. Ron Paul Agrees To Take Role, Possibly As Atlas, In 'Atlas Shrugged' Finale

Big news for libertarians and fans of awkwardly didactic filmmaking: Ayn Rand-enthusiast Ron Paul will be taking on a role in the upcoming third part of the highly unsuccessful Atlas Shrugged trilogy. I haven't read the books, (I prefer my fantasy to be slightly more tethered to reality and also have dragons), but I'm assuming the former U.S. legislator will play the titular character, who is ultimately discovered hunkered in a cave with John Galt and an enormous pile of the country's gross domestic product.


2. Dick Cheney Magnanimously Allows Megyn Kelly To Continue Breathing After Being Confronted During Fox News Interview

Although it was certainly in his power to reach through the satellite feed and crush her trachea betwixt his preternaturally powerful claws, former Vice President Dick Cheney allowed Fox News host Megyn Kelly to live another day after she implied on live television that he and the Bush administration were wrong on many counts about the botched U.S. invasion of Iraq. It is currently unknown whether or not he later opted to dispatch a horde of spiders to nestle their brood inside her brain while she slept.


3. Chelsea Handler To Host First Failed Talk Show On Netflix

After her E! gossip show Chelsea Lately draws to an end this summer, Chelsea Handler will be switching over to the online-based Netflix network to host their first almost-certainly unsuccessful foray into talk shows. "I wanted to sit with the cool kids at lunch so I approached Netflix to make sure they were as cool as I thought they were, and when I confirmed my suspicions, like with any other future lover, I made my move," Handler said in a statement.


4. AMC Renews 'Better Call Saul' After Zero Successful Seasons

TV fans are wondering whether the upcoming Better Call Saul can possibly live up to the hype surrounding the immensely popular and critically lauded end to Breaking Bad, the show from which it's being spun-off, but AMC seems confident enough in its hopeful new cash cow that it decided to lock it down for a second season months before the first one even starts to air.


5. Tourist Who Did Not Actually Photograph Ghost At Alcatraz Claims To Have Photographed Ghost At Alcatraz

A British woman who was recently touring through the Alcatraz prison with her camera has managed to provide the world with definitive proof that sometimes photographs look like they have things that might or might not be ghosts in them. The world quakes at this startling revelation.


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Real enthusiasm.

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