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Go au natural this Fall by making your lips look like rocks.

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NYC makeup artist Johannah Adams is making it crystal clear that makeup is an art form by making lips look like gorgeous amethysts and geodes.

Naturally, everyone on Instagram is obsessed with the look. Who would've thought that the body party you spend forever trying to keep soft would look so beautiful covered with jagged crystals?

The look takes an hour to create, which is exceptional considering the millions of years it takes for real geodes to form. Adams is promising in her comments that she will start creating video tutorials soon, but we can expect that even with a step by step video, this will be a hard look to recreate.

“I use a combination of a heavy glitter, a colour base, and a thick clear gloss. It’s a process of mixing and layering that develops the crystal look.” Johannah told BuzzFeed.

Totally mesmerizing, and definitely the most beautiful way to make it impossible for someone to kiss you on the mouth.


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Exes Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas lived the ultimate nightmare when they got stuck in an elevator together.

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As if getting trapped in an elevator weren't bad enough, on Friday exes Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas somehow managed to get trapped in an elevator together. Jonas posted a Snapchat of the two of them, looking slightly less than happy, and included the text: "Been stuck in here for 4 hours." Wow, sounds fun!

This is exactly like Aerosmith's "Love In An Elevator," except the complete opposite. At least they weren't stuck in there alone, as the Snap also included Jonas' DNCE bandmates Cole Whittle and JinJoo Lee.

They managed to avoid the two most likely outcomes from this situation: rekindled romance, and a fight to the death. Instead they mostly just sat around bored and annoyed.

Fall break.

Parents confessed their favorite things to do when the kids aren't around (besides bone).

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As much as parents relish the time spent with their precious little angels, the only thing better than having kids is the extra appreciation you gain for your time without them. Here are 15 parents who took to Reddit to share their favorite things to do during mommy-daddy-alone-time.

1. Daaaaamn, almost_a_troll. You guys are dirrrrrty.

We sleep like newlyweds fuck. On the bed, on the couch, on the counter, on the kitchen table, on my desk...

2. Generics for the kids, name-brands for effieokay.

eat the good snacks

3. User rolledmycaragain knows that children are judgmental little jerks.

Eat oreos. It's not that I never let my kids eat oreos, it's just that I eat like a whole tube (they come in tubes here) in one sitting. I think my kids would be horrified that Dad scarfs down a whole tube when they only get one each if they finish their dinners.

4. There are certain things married people with kids like superfly355 miss about being single. (It's pretty much just the ice cream.)

Eat ice cream without sharing

5. Witchymuggle likes to eat a luxurious dinner.

Have a meal that's not interrupted by a kid asking for a million things. (I need water, a different spoon, your food, etc)

6. Presumably rageofheaven also means a book that doesn't rhyme or have pictures in it.

Read more than 7 pages an hour.

7. User karynzen would like to clear the air.

Open the windows and enjoy a house that doesn't smell like a fucking gym sock (we have a 15yo and a 17yo). No amount of candles or air freshener can prepare you for the stench of teenage boys. That Febreeze commercial is accurate af - they have no clue how fucking bad they smell.

8. Hey parents, tdub1024 says coffee can be served hot. Is that true?

Watch whatever the f I want, while drinking a HOT cup of coffee

9. Bkklight knows how to live it up.

Nothing. Or the bare possible. And then I fall asleep on the couch because I'm exhausted.

10. User jetsetbox knows there are enough people at Costco.

Lounge around on the couch, watch shows that I can't watch in front of my kids, swear, eat chocolate.

And then go to Costco.

11. Scrainblaughtrois goes shopping without dropping.

Try on clothes in a dressing room without a wild creature trapped in the space with me trying to crawl under the partition and screeching like a ptaradactol

12. Your mom did this when you were gone, just like -in_the_wind_does.

Play video games. I am their mom and I never play when they are home. But if I have a bunch of free time for whatever reason I love to play.

13. Go ahead, LowrentV.

We finish our sentences

14. Parenthood is like a prison for this guy and many others, mainly because you're never alone. Never.

Poop in silence

15. This is a major double standard of which kaikuhaiku speaks to. Never tell the children.

Just take a break from parenting. It can get exhausting. You have to constantly think about what you are doing and how your kid is learning from your example. I am an adult and want to eat chocolate icecream on the couch, spill some, then flip the couch cushion over and pretend nothing happened. But if I saw my kid doing that I would lose my mind

16. Awwww, Doc-Rush

My wife and I would go on a date...and look at pictures and watch videos of our girls.

17. Stay strong, uniquetweets2.

I have a 5 and a 3 year old. When they're not around I like to blankly stare into the middle distance readying myself for their inevitable return.

Uncle accidentally sends penis pic to entire family, then totally fails to hide his tracks.

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A couple endured an uncle accidentally sending a dick pic to the family group chat, a family tragedy that is quite difficult to recover from.

Shweta and Aashish were in a WhatsApp group just like any other, until Aashish's uncle accidentally sent a picture of his genitals that (hopefully) was not intended for his brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews.

"It took my dad at least 30 mins to figure out what had happened, and he immediately went on to delete all the nieces, nephews, and young cousins, including me."

Aashish's dad quickly went into crisis management mode, removing the kids from the group.

"After it happened, my uncle tried very, very hard to spam the entire conversation with forwards and news articles in the hope that it gets lost in the flood," Aashish told BuzzFeed. And after his dad removed all the young people from the group, "He thought that this would delete the pic and no one will see it. But…it didn’t."

Aashish's wife Shweta had already left the WhatsApp group because there were too many messages, but once she was caught up on the drama, she tweeted about it too.

(Mama means maternal uncle.)

When things get awkward with your family, or when a group chat gets overwhelming, revel in the fact that at least you didn't see your uncle's penis.

Mel Brooks tried to pants Obama but he wasn't quick enough.

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America's sweetheart, Barack Obama, presented America's mischievous grandpa, Mel Brooks, with the National Medal of Arts in a ceremony at the White House on Thursday. Immediately after recieveing the award, the 90-year-old comedy legend jokingly pretended to pull down the president's pants—and it was almost as funny and awkward as if he actually had.

The ceremony and Brooks' introduction were very serious up until the faux pantsing, which made it all the more adorable.

"I do think Mel Brooks kind of set the tone for this thing," Obama said at the end of the ceremony, "Because, historically, this has been a much more staid affair." (No clue what a "staid affair" is, but it sounds boring af.)

After Obama's stint as President comes to an end (deep, dramatic sigh), I hope he considers showbiz. A Mel/Barack buddy comedy is what the world needs right now.

This is how long it takes the average man to orgasm, according to the shortest study of all time.

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Scientists have conducted a study on how long it takes for men to reach orgasm, and no matter how long you think it's going to be, it ain't long.

After tracking sexual experiences, sexperts Masters and Johnson have determined it takes just two to three minutes for a man to reach orgasm on average. That number holds true both for masturbation and for the amount of time a guy can hold on once he has entered a vagina.

That's way less time than most people are bragging about. Something to think about the next time you're spending more than ten minutes trying to get a guy to finish.

By comparison, they found that it takes 10-20 minutes woman to "get there," including foreplay.

Is this proof that God hates women? Not when you only look at orgasm times for masturbation. It turns out the average time it takes for a woman to make herself orgasm is only four minutes—that's just one to two minutes longer than the average man. If women can climax quickly when they are taking care of themselves, there's gotta be a better way to get them there during intercourse, right?


Kylie Jenner is thinking about baby names. God help us.

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Kylie Jenner, a teenager who puts on more makeup than most 60-year-olds, says she's thinking about baby names. The 19-year-old isn't pregnant or anything, but according to a video she posted on her app, she still keeps a list of ones she likes.

"I keep a list in my phone of names I like for my future kids… but they're my secrets for now!" she said.

As the blog Shemazing pointed out, she has previously said "I don't want to start having babies when I'm thirty. I don't believe in after thirty." So basically Jenner's probably planning to pop one out in the next ten years. (Also, please imagine that a 19-year-old stands in front of you and says the words, "I don't believe in after thirty." Do you murder her?)

We may not know for sure what's on Jenner's secret list of baby names, but here are my best guesses:

  • Kreate Jenner
  • Lipkit Jenner
  • Snapchatta Jenner
  • Kimoji Jenner
  • Kulture Jenner
  • Boxer Braid Jenner​
  • Sponsored Post Jenner

I hope Kylie's future children get her intelligence and humility.

The 20 funniest reactions to Ted Cruz wussing out and boarding the Trump Train.

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After a brutal, petty primary that involved Donald Trump making fun of his wife Heidi and saying that his dad was involved in assassinating JFK, Ted Cruz has boarded the Trump Train, and declared he'll vote for the GOP nominee. Here's what comedians on Twitter had to say about that.

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Don't turn in a paper you wrote while wasted, student warns. It might be hilarious.

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A student named McKenna Clark turned in a paper on criminal justice that she wrote while drunk—not just drunk, but full on "white girl wasted." Puking-in-an-Uber, texting-your-ex, ordering-Seamless-then-passing-out-before-it-arrives wasted. You get it.

McKenna was apparently still super-drunk from the night before when she wrote and then turned in this essay. She later posted it on Twitter after she (presumably) sobered up as a warning to others. Or maybe she's still drunk, we don't know. The essay went viral because it's hilarious. There's even a surprise twist at the end:

Need more proof she was wasted? No? Well here's some anyway, via a snapchat her friend posted the night of the paper fiasco.

Here's the full text of the essay:

Illegal to kiss on train (mala prohibita) talk about whether it should be illegal or not. It should be legal to kiss on the train because it is romantic. Professor Grams, my name is McKenna. I had some Dr. Pepper's I am doing good. Your assignment is way too hard. I can't do it right now. I am better now, however, because the Dr. Pepper's wore off. I am now contemplating the assignemtm that you gave me. It's illegal to kiss on the train because it is a safety violation. If you are kissing while on the train you must realize that it could end up being dangerous. If the driver was kissing on the train, who would be driving the train. You are welcome.

Love you,

Fingers crossed that he loves you back, McKenna. Also, you might want to consider cutting back on the Dr. Pepper.

Ariel Winter Instagrams herself getting makeup on her naked butt because she's a star.

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Ariel Winter: star of Modern Family, troll lover, and now, girl who wears butt makeup.

BUTT really, don't miss a spot @kipzachary 📸: @davinaadjani #secretshoot #embraceyourcurves

A photo posted by ARIEL WINTER (@arielwinter) on

"BUTT really, don't miss a spot"

That's makeup artist Kip Zachary hanging out by the naked region below Winter's shredded jean jacket, and he's doing… what exactly? We don't know. Blemish concealing? Contouring? Eyelash extensions? Whatever is going on down there, this was the most public part of what was apparently a secret photo shoot.

Secret photo shoot 🤐

A photo posted by ARIEL WINTER (@arielwinter) on

BUTT… what's the secret? The original photo is accompanied by the hashtag #embraceyourcurves, so our best guess is that this is a butt pic specifically intended to celebrate butts. Like there's any other kind of butt pic.

You will believe what Kristen Stewart looks like blonde.

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Wow. Huh. Would you look at that: Kristen Stewart, the famous brunette from the Twilight movies, is full blonde now!

Previously, she had darker brown roots with longer hair.

Before that, she had long brunette hair that she liked to scowl behind, like a real-life version of Violet from The Incredibles.

It's quite the change! By the way, do you ever get the feeling she's staring at you through the computer screen wondering why the f*ck you give two sh*ts about a talented young actress's hair? No? Okay, that just happens to me then. Sorry, Kristen, you look pretty!

Lupita Nyong’o loved meeting Beyoncé, even if her drunk friend made the pic blurry.

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One perk of being Oscar-winning actress Lupita Nyong'o is apparently getting to meet Beyoncé and Jay-Z, as the Queen of Katwe star recounted on Jimmy Kimmel this week. That didn't mean she got a Beyoncé-worthy photo out of it, however.

Luckily, Beyoncé herself came through (because she's Beyoncé). Plus, Sarah Paulson is there just for some extra wonderfulness.

A photo posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

Kim Kardashian is the latest leader of a K-based clan to maybe back Trump.

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Kim Kardashian used to be all about Team Hillary, but now it seems she might be ready to "Make America Great Again" with Donald Trump. If you're basing your vote on whom Kim K backs, well, you've got bigger problems than being an undecided voter.

She told Wonderland magazine...

At first I thought, ‘Oh my God, I’m so Hillary [Clinton]'... But I had a long political call with Caitlyn [Jenner] last night about why she’s voting Trump. I’m on the fence.

NOTE: The quote doesn't appear in the online version of the article, but the Huffington Post confirmed its authenticity.

Look, Caitlyn Jenner is not only America's most famous trans woman, she's also a dedicated, life-long Republican. Surely, after 66 years, she's picked up a few persuasive lines.

Kim K obviously has nothing to do with the KKK, but the sisters Kourtney, Khloe and Kim certainly haven't shied away from occasionally making a Klan joke about their initials. And, given the frequency with which David Duke has popped up in 2016, more than a few people have pointed out Trump's talent at attracting K groups.

The Clinton campaign recently released a video that allegedly ties the Trump campaign to the KKK and other white supremacists. Trump has also been endorsed by the leader of the KKK. The Trump campaign refuses to denounce their support.

Keep an eye on Kim K's Instagram for the potential forthcoming Trump selfie.


25 tweets from funny women on Twitter this week: therapy, Patronuses, banjos and more.

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Jokes about man buns, reply-all, banjos and more (because to paraphrase HRC, women's joke topics are human joke topics). These are 25 of the funniest tweets by women this week!

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Evanna Lynch, the actress who played Luna Lovegood, hates her Patronus.

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When J.K. Rowling released a quiz yesterday letting Potter fans discover their very own Patronus, some of us got kick-ass things like hippogriffs and falcons. Other people got things like moles, shrews, and—in the case of Luna Lovegood actress Evanna Lynch—a salmon. She wasn't happy.

Fans did try to comfort her, though.

I'm finding it very hard to relate to this famous actress' problems, because my Patronus is a falcon, so I'm just feeling very cool and superior???

No strings.

12 people told us their best stories of the worst wedding guests they ever saw. (Vol. 4)

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We've done three installments of our readers' stories of the Worst Wedding Guest they ever saw (1, 2, 3), but there was enough of a response after publishing them that we're doing a fourth! From a cousin/photographer who showed up dressed for ComicCon (and then bailed) to a Romeo and Juliet style family feud, our hilarious readers generously share some of the most impressive tales of party-ruining ever seen on the internet.

1. Windy wrote in with every bride's nightmare: a bridesmaid literally thinking the entire day should have been about her.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my boyfriend's best friend's wedding. The bride and I had become close over the two years we've known each other and I was so excited to have been asked. Her original MOH decided that drugs were more important than her childhood friends wedding, so I was asked to step in... OF COURSE I said yes!!!

However, the groom's brother and his girlfriend were hoping that she would be asked to be MOH. After finding out that I was selected instead, the brothers girlfriend did everything she could to make things miserable. Wouldn't respond to wedding plans, refused to be part of the bachelorette party, and had a fit about any dress we chose for the bridesmaids.... apparently none of them were flattering enough for her chest area. Whatever.

Wedding day arrives, the brothers girlfriend is late, but the wedding continues without further issue.... until the reception. Where she proceeded to pull me outside and scream at me for taking her place as MOH. I told her the day wasn't about her and she got even more upset that she went to the bride and told her that she couldn't stand being so slighted, it was supposed to be HER DAY. She said this to THE BRIDE. My friend was so embarrassed and she tried so hard not to cry for the rest of the evening. I haven't heard anything from the bridesmaid, and from what I hear from the bride.... the relationship with the brother is close to an end.

2. Robin's story has a happy ending (her marriage) even if various family members tried their best to avoid that.

I had to laugh as I read through the entries submitted. I could relate to several of them.

We had a small wedding that was suppose to be outside of a Historic Tavern in a historic town in central Missouri. My soon to mother in law who did not and never has liked me wanted to help but only with what she wanted to do. She convinced us to let her handle their side of the family's invitations. Years later, we find out she never sent them. I was pregnant and we had only told my parents and my husbands brother.

The morning of the wedding, my MIL heard I was pregnant from her beautician. Needless to say, she wasn't very happy. Well the wedding is about to start and my MIL shows up in a long white lace dress. Yep, she did. Then the sky opens up for a storm of the century lol.

At this point some are saying run, bring and don't look back! So we move the wedding inside where my MIL sits in the back and smokes cigarettes through the entire ceremony. Oh but I'm not done yet. No, at the reception there is a fight between one of my relatives and one of my husbands.

My mother being worried about me being pregnant (I had been very sick and apt to pass out) had asked a couple of others to keep an eye on me. So this relative had to say mean things about my husband and only marrying me because I was carry a blankety blank baby. Of course, my husband's relative heard, and it was on.

One thing about that day.... We will never forget it haha. Happily married now for 29 years and still going!!!!

3. When Caitlin says "this is one doozy of a story, so hang on," you should believe her.

Alright, this is one doozy of a story, so hang on. My worst wedding guest would have to be my cousin.

So, my cousin is an amateur photographer who offered to photograph our wedding for us as a wedding gift. Naturally, we were touched and said yes, and made plans to pay her as a surprise gift afterwards.

A few days before the wedding she informs us she bought tickets for her and her husband and kids to go to ComicCon all four days....two of those days being our rehearsal dinner and wedding day. She also informs us they have nowhere to stay, no money, and no transportation and would be needing daily rides to and from the con (approximately an hour drive).

We offer to pay for her hotel room, as we had my handicapped uncle coming to stay with us so they wouldn't be able to, but we wouldn't be able to give rides as we would be going to and from the airport picking up family members, and then taking care of all of our last minute wedding arrangements. Somehow, they manage to secure a rental car.

Fast forward to their arrival, they chose to go costume shopping their first day here instead of coming and visiting family. The next day was our rehearsal, which we had asked her to also photograph, since we had a lot of family there that hadn't been together in years and we wanted to document it. Her family shows up 30 minutes late, she's dressed like a slutty Freddy Krueger and has no camera. My mother asked why she didn't bring it and she says in a very loud, snotty voice "nobody photographs a rehearsal, everybody knows that!" And then leaves to go off to ComicCon.

Day of wedding: she was asked to photograph the bridal party while we got ready, and was told to arrive at 12pm. At 1:30pm she texts me demanding to know why we never gave her a time, and it's cutting into her time to go to Con. Our wedding started at 5:30. How she was going to drive an hour to the Con, spend time, drive an hour back, get out of costume and make it to our wedding by 5 to set up is beyond me. I call my mom and let her know Cousin is raising hell, and mom calls my her and gives her a ration of shit, fires her and tells her not to bother arriving.

After the wedding, we discover my aunt, uncle and other cousins (THAT cousin's siblings and parents), who were supposed to arrive, mysteriously turned around at the Grand Canyon and drove to Vegas instead and blocked all of us on social media, except my dad (aunt's big brother), because he died 8months prior and she didn't have the heart to block his page.

The next morning, my husband and mother go to their hotel room, revoke payment for it and have them kicked out while they were away at Con. They also videoed the hotel room and it was trashed with dirty diapers, fast food containers, and various trash. Mom calls her to let her know she's being evicted, and Cousin goes on Facebook to say my mother is trying to steal from her! They then had my father's Facebook page memorialized so we couldn't get into it, but not before we changed all the pictures to us from the wedding, haha.

I forgot to mention, this cousin also bought us Con tickets, so we got to go on their dime those two days after the wedding where we got to meet Jason Momoa, Karl Urban and Ron Perlman, and stay another night in our hotel with the money we saved on their hotel room. Thanks, Cousin!

Oh, and my mom also happens to work for a guy who does professional photography in his spare time who photographed our whole wedding free of charge and gifted us a print of my favorite photograph from his gallery.

So, turns out the joke was on them. I got higher quality photographs, free ComicCon visits, and another night in our hotel, and my family made a running joke out of her arriving to rehearsal wearing a slutty see-through costume and her "sausage casing underwear."

4. Breanna's mother- and sister-in-law both behaved so poorly that she has no choice but to laugh.

My mother-in-law has a daughter whom she favors with the strength of a thousand suns over all her other children, including my husband. That sister doesn't like anyone "stealing her thunder" and has made a point of trying to ruin everyone of her siblings weddings.

For our wedding, she refused to be a bridesmaid when I asked. She wanted to be maid of honor, make a speech, be in tons of photos (the list goes on). My MIL blamed me for her not being in the bridal party and refused to talk to me or my husband the whole day.

This sister in law laughed when she found out our church had been damaged, stood at the front of the aisle before I walked down to try and get attention, hijacked the flower girl and ring bearer and refused to tell us where they were because they weren't her children and she therefore didn't want us to get photos with them and tried to insert herself into every photo imaginable.

The icing on the cake? She wore an ivory MINI dress, and when I say mini I mean it was so tiny it sat just above her nipples and just below her crotch. I had several people ask why she was dressed like a hooker. At the time, it annoyed me, but she made such an ass of herself I can laugh about it now.

5. "C" has the first story from inside the halls of power, but as many politicians can tell you, even the powerful have dumb relatives.

My aunt was getting married to my uncle, who is a prominent politician. He's been invited to The White House many times for holiday parties and such. Keep in mind this was in 2007, so Obama hadn't been elected yet, but my uncle was working very hard to support him in that endeavor.

My aunt's stepmother (my step-grandmother) has three kids, and her oldest son (we'll call him Mark) is just an absolute slimeball. His wife and son aren't much better, but he's the main character in this story.

Mark has what is graciously called a self-publishing company, with the stupidest name you could think of. People desperate to self-publish pay him a boatload to do so, and he takes a huge cut while scamming them all the way. One of his own books in the works was, I kid you not, "Is America Ready For a Black or Female President?" (Remember, Hillary was running then, too.) The book was literally just a single quote on each page from different friends of his, saying things like, "Yes," "No," and "I'm not sure." Total garbage.

Mark had been asking my uncle to write an introduction the book, to make it more legit. My uncle kept asking him very patiently if they could discuss this at some point after the wedding, but no. At the reception, Mark continued to hound my uncle for a commitment to writing the introduction, handed out business cards to all the guests (they say Thought Leader Architect on them, I swear I am not making this up), got drunk, and was just generally a completely obnoxious asshole.

It didn't end there. My uncle is too polite and nice to tell his new stepbrother to f*ck off. While Mark and his family live on the West Coast, they do visit the East Coast from time to time. When they're there, they call my uncle and demand favors, like getting a private tour of The White House, or getting an autographed picture of Obama, etc., even though that's not really something my uncle can get them. It will never stop.

6. Tom's wrote us two stories. In the first, the worst guests were a toss up between the mother of the bride and the father of the bride's girlfriend.

First, my wedding: Not sure who took the coveted title of worst wedding guest. My now mother in law or my father in laws gf.

MIL is very wishy-washy and changes things all the time. The day of, after my wife pretty much begged her to, she showed up to get ready with my wife and bridesmaids and was late. Previously, she picked out a dress and it was approved by my wife (she needed approval because she wears the most inappropriate outfits at times). She decided the day before to pick up a new dress. It was leopard print and relatively see-thru. The bridesmaids had to steal it and hide it and my wife had to have a stern talking to her until she put on the approved dress.

FIL gf has a little bit of a rocky relationship with the family (too much to get into). She’s very nice, but very pushy and gaudy. Well, she decided to get her hair and makeup done over an hour away from the venue, not thinking that there is this thing called Friday afternoon traffic. She was extremely late, thus FIL was late and no one picked up my wife’s brother as he was waiting, fully dressed, for a ride. MIL had to leave the wedding and pick up my new BIL, who missed the whole ceremony, and there are no family pictures with them. The FIL gf also decided to wear a dress that made it clear that her fake “headlights” were on.

6A. Tom's second story is another tie between the groom's brother and the bride's sister (nice symmetry in both stories).

Second story is my buddy's wedding: Worst guest was again a tossup.

Groom's brother never tried on his tux and they gave him the wrong tux so the wedding was delayed an hour while the tuxedo shop brought him a new tux. He then wore said tux for the ceremony only and was wearing a wife beater and jeans for the entire reception.

Bride’s sister (married to grooms brother) gave a maid of honor speech where she pretty much ran down the list of ex’s and how she liked all of them but they weren’t the right one for her.

Apparently, she did the same for the Brides first wedding as well (both were previously married). She then mentioned my buddy for about 10 seconds with the line “But (groom) we like you too and hopefully we aren’t listing you in the next speech ha. Ha. Ha.” The room awkwardly laughed.

I think the worst part though is that the bride and groom had a part in their ceremony where they put a bottle of wine, two glasses and letters to each other to read for “that first time when you want to get divorced you can drink the wine and read the letters to each other.”

First, why would you openly talk about getting divorced DURING YOUR WEDDING CEREMONY and secondly adding booze to anger is probably not the best idea. The marriage is less than a year old and she’s pregnant and they are getting divorced. Guess my buddy will be listed in a speech after all.

7. Cate has a story about an attention-hungry grandma and a rare happy usage of the phrase "second shooter."

My grandmother has always been needy for attention, so none of this was particularly surprising to those of us who knew her.

We purposely did not tell her where where I would be getting ready ahead of time with just my Mom and my brother's girlfriend because I wanted a calm, happy morning. Grandma kept calling and texting everyone all morning before the wedding - apparently someone had let it slip my brother's girlfriend would be getting ready with us and Grandma was pissed. "She's not even family, it should be me there," she lamented to everyone. She proceeded to bad mouth my brother's girlfriend all day (who is, by the way, now my fabulous sister-in-law). And she kept telling my husband all night that she would have married him as her fourth husband had she been thirty years younger.

At the ceremony, Grandma dived in the aisle as my new husband and I were recessing to wrap her arms around me, and then proceed to grab my train to carry it up the aisle, waving to everyone as she flounced off behind me. She just HAD to be in every photo!

She brought her own list of poses (some not even including either bride or groom) she wanted from the photographer and kept trying to redirect them to take her desired shots. During my father-daughter dance, she dragged one of my photographers into the bathroom to take a picture of her holding a centerpiece. My photographer was befuddled but went along with it - thankfully we had a second shooter to capture actually important stuff.

Did I mention she wore a white lace dress and brought her own bouquet? Oh yeah, class act, that one. It honestly didn't bug me though - I just shrugged at her antics and figured she was making a fool of herself.

8. Vince has a truly unique story that ends without anything really bad happening, so consider this a happy vacation from the stress of the other entries.

I was a groomsman for my friends' wedding. I was good friend's with the bride and hooked her up with the groom (if you're reading this and recognize the story, your welcome). The night before thewedding, the bride had her bachelorette party. We (the groom and groomsmen) set up the reception hall.

The bride calls me later for a ride home, which was odd at first, but I go get her. When I get there she says hi honey, hugs me and tells me to just go along with it. I didn't put it together, but she was in a male strip club. A half naked guy runs out saying it was good to see you (the bride) again. She tells me that was her ex boyfriend and the bridesmaids thought it would be funny to have him strip for her (the bride didn't find it funny at all).

The next day at the ceremony, the stripper shows up. He was respectful and a really nice guy, but the bridesmaids couldn't hold a straight face and the bride was so mad, she made the bridesmaids walk a couple miles to the reception. I told the groom about him and he thought it was hilarious.

9. Brian has a story about why you shouldn't listen to a drunk groom even if it's his big day.

I'm not sure if/how this qualifies as worst wedding guest. Backstory: 4 of us guys lived together in college and played rugby. If you've ever been to a rugby party, you know that there are a lot of "inappropriate" things that happen, including the making of toasts.

Our group had a toast in particular that has to do with honor. So the last of the four of us gets married. I'm officiating and the other two are best man and groomsman respectively. The night before the wedding, the best man and I are discussing his toast. He hasn't written anything and is honestly struggling to put his thoughts into words. I said (mistakenly), "what if you talked about honor - I honor your love, I honor your relationship, blah, blah, blah. Then you can finish the toast with 'to honor.'" (which was the beginning of a pretty inappropriate toast).

He agrees and after a wonderful beach wedding, we're all at the reception and its time for toasts. The best man does his thing and actually makes a pretty sweet toast and ends it with "to honor." The whole crowds goes, "aaaaahhhhh" at which point the groom says, "aren't you going to finish the toast." The three of us friends know that this is a bad idea, but when the groom starts in, we all join him, "To honor. To gettin' on her and staying on her. If you can't cum in her, cum on her."

Needless to say, the "aaaaahhhhhhs" turned into sounds of disgust.

10. This anonymous reader wishes she had heeded fate's warnings, but we're glad she shared her cautionary tale with us.

My first wedding, we were both really young (19 & 20), and I wish I would have listened to fate SCREAMING at me not to get married.

He was my high school sweetheart, and my parents begged me not to marry him. Being 19, I thought I knew everything and ignored them. They were still very gracious and supportive and let us marry on their property.

We couldn't find an officiant until 2 days before the wedding (bc I'm an atheist).

One of my ex's groomsmen was angry that we asked him to rent a suit ($50 bc of a special deal we got) to match the rest of the bridal party. He wouldn't speak to me for a couple weeks.

My entire bridal party showed up late to rehearsal.

My ex's sister showed up to the rehearsal (wasn't invited). We had a pinata up for my niece's birthday. She told my niece (8) to climb up in the tree and they could all just beat candy out of her instead. My sister heard her say this and of course freaked out. The next day my future sister in-law shows up in a navy blue dress (bridal party colors) and refused to change. She had originally picked out a yellow dress and showed it to me. However, she was angry that I asked her to apologize for her comment, so she chose to come in wedding colors.

The salon lost 2 of my bridesmaids' appointments (even though I had it all confirmed multiple times). People started showing up 2 hours early. I was still getting ready and they all just stood there watching and talking.

One of his groomsmen wanted to go into film, so we agreed to let him film the wedding and reception. He got there and told me he forgot his camera, but not to worry bc it's not like it's a big deal. Then as soon as the ceremony was done, he and the other groomsmen snuck off to smoke weed in my parent's barn. They were gone the rest of the night. They showed back up literally 5 minutes before we left for our hotel room.

I found out later that he spent the morning of our wedding boffing his ex gf. (Who he continued to cheat with over the course of our marriage and had already been sleeping with during the course of our 5 year relationship prior to the knot tying).

I turned the divorce papers into the courts 2 days before our 2 year anniversary. Our marriage was a terrible decision, and I wish I would have listened to the universe when it told me not to go through with it.

Moral of the story is weddings are a shit-show. Go to a courthouse, elope, trade vows secretly under the moonlight on the 4th friday of the new year, whatever. Just don't invite extra people. Most of the guests are terrible in their own way, so prepare yourself for the worst or run.

I'm very happily married now. We courthoused that bitch and invited pretty much nobody. It was a much happier day.

11. The couple in AJ's story sounds absolutely lovely, which is an achievement for the groom considering his parent.

Oh boy, have I got a winner.

I went to a coworker's wedding at the beginning of this month, and the Mother of the Groom spent the entire night throwing a full-blown passive aggressive tantrum.

Now, the bride and groom had this really sweet story of how they met. She interned in our office for a semester her senior year of college, love at first sight blah blah blah, he asked her out to dinner on her last day and they were engaged a year later. Really loving couple, clearly make each other incredibly happy.

The Mother of the Groom clearly gave zero fucks about any of that. She scowled through the entire beautiful outdoor ceremony, and made this really weird whimpering noise when he said "I do". At the reception, she refused to leave her table or toast once. Her sister tried to get her to go over for the cake cutting and another coworker heard her call the bride (a very well-educated, ambitious young woman currently finishing a graduate degree while working full time) a lazy, gold-digging bitch.

The MOH gave an incredibly touching, from the heart, and slightly intoxicated speech about how much she loved the couple, how they made each other better people, and how happy she was for them while the Momzilla spent the her toast making fun of the girl's weight.

The bride's aunt even told me that the mother gave a speech at the rehearsal which mentioned divorce three times and contained two separate anecdotes about beautiful expensive weddings that ended in break ups within a year. I saw the MOH and her boyfriend go up to Dragonlady after the send-off to tell her what a nice wedding it was, and she berated them until they practically ran away.

The best part? The groom was somehow oblivious to all of this, and doesn't understand why his new wife thinks that his mother hates her.

12. Amanda closes out this volume of Worst Wedding Guests with Shakespearean drama where the Worst was Everyone.

In college, I worked as a banquet server for a nice country club. I saw many different kinds of weddings, but there is one that sticks out the most. It started out as a hot mess. The bride and groom were taking tons of shots before their vows, and everyone seemed on edge.

Then, we find out that the bride and groom's families are feuding like Romeo and Juliet, so both sides of the families had to be separated during the entire event (seating for vows, seating for reception). Everything was divided in us vs. them.

After the vows were said, the bride and groom rushed off to the side of the country club where the bride, who was a snotty spoiled brat in my opinion, begins to chastise and curse out her new husband in front of us staff, "you know that bitch did it on purpose! Your stupid mother broke my bustle on purpose!"

Well, after all that drama it was time for the reception. Neither side spoke to each other or mingled at all during the reception. They all kept to their respective sides, separated by the dance floor. Then, when it was time for the first dance, the bride was so piss drunk she was giggling and laughing the entire dance, making a fool of herself and her new husband. She was waving her hands around, giggling, leaning back so far she almost fell backwards, and the poor groom looked so embarrassed and upset. I can almost guarantee that marriage was annulled.

Lazy poser.

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