There is a terrifyingly realistic vagina mask for sale on Etsy. It might be the scariest thing I've ever seen (and I watched the debate). Seriously though, this is a real product. It was made by artist Melissa Coulter, costs $480, and is "fully functional" according to the Etsy page. Functional for what though? I have a LOT of questions—and for once, the internet was useless at answering them.

Here's what the mask looks like. (Not safe for work or anywhere)

And here's the side view—because you know you want to see this from every angle.

A Google search for "vagina mask why????" revealed only information about face masks for your vag (not interested). The letters "BDSM" in the Etsy title would suggest this is a fetish thing. But a Google search for that led to some very NSFW image results. So, you'll just have to arrive at these answers on your own (and not on your work computer).

EVEN weirder than this mask and the fact that it exists are the product reviews. There are seven of them. That means at least seven people out there paid $480 for this mask. And every single one of them gave it five out of five stars and a glowing review.

Like stevefuchs, who wrote:

The mask was beautifully crafted. Appearance was just ad described. Material thickness was greater than I expected, which limits the stretch and movement somewhat for someone with a larger head.

And anstettsean, who wrote:

Seller had great communication. Order came in fast. The mask itself is fantastic! Not only does it look perfect, it fits perfectly. Incredible quality. Will definitely buy again from the seller. Thanks thanks thanks!

Apparently this mask is so good, people want to buy it again? Still, these completely sincere reviews offer zero clues as to what the mask is for. So it looks like all of my questions, like the image of the vagina mask, will haunt me for eternity.

President Obama and former president Bill Clinton both attended the funeral for former Israeli President Shimon Peres on Friday. After the service, Obama offered Clinton a ride home on Air Force One, unaware that trying to get Bill on a plane would be a lot like trying to get your drunk friend to leave a house party.

The hilarious video shows President Obama repeatedly saying things like "Bill! Let's go!" and "I'll take you home." It really captures the spirit of being the sober leader of your drunk friends' social gathering exodus.

Ah, takes you back to college, doesn't it? Obama's night of caretaking is just beginning. You know Bill's going to want to stop for pizza on the way back.

You might wanna cross your legs before reading this. A woman in California got her tubes tied, along with a procedure called uterine ablation to reduce her menstrual flow, and found herself in pain for months afterward—something that was a complete mystery to her until she went to the bathroom one day and saw a gigantic medical tool sticking out from her vagina. Or, in her words to CBS, "My toilet paper got caught on a metal probe."

Her gynecologist had previously dismissed her pain as a severe vaginal infection, even after performing a pelvic exam. But x-rays show that it was actually a tool used in surgery. About 4,000 Americans get a foreign object from surgery stuck in their bodies every year, and she was lucky enough to be one of them.

She's now suing for malpractice. "She very well could have died," her attorney said. "She could have got sepsis or some other horrible infection that didn’t go away." But even though the worst case scenario didn't happen, she did have to walk around with a gigantic metal surgical tool in her vagina for 11 weeks, so give her a million dollars please.

Thank God it's Friday, and thank God you don't have to read all of the freakin' news on the Internet. Here's everything you need to know for today, Friday September 30th, 2016.

1. The teen who robbed two Phoenix fast food restaurants in a clown mask was arrested by police.

2. A Florida man got zapped trying to steal a booby-trapped Trump sign.

3. Hurricane Matthew is now a Category 4 storm.

4. A new study says teens with acne will stay looking younger for longer than their clear-skinned peers.

5. Police found two Van Gogh paintings that were stolen from an Amsterdam museum in 2002.

6. The Commission on Presidential Debates says "there were issues" with Donald Trump's audio during the debate.

7. Teddy Ruxpin, the talking bear toy from the late '80s, is back—with a few upgrades.

Facebook! Gentrification! Florida! Sex positions! Current events! It was quite a week. Here are 25 of the funniest tweets by women for the week of 9/26/16:

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Except for the most flexible among us, there are parts of our backs that we can never reach—and sometimes, stuff grows there, like this cyst. In a video titled "I'll Remove It, If You Incyst," Dr. Pimple Popper strikes out like the Gold Rush miners of yore for the productive area around her upper spine. The actual digging process is remarkably clean, culminating in a spectacular removal process beginning around 2:40.

Here's some news from the "the kids are alright" department: one teen who experienced serious bullying is doing something about it by helping vulnerable kids—the ones sitting alone at lunch—find social support. 16-year-old Natalie Hampton has created "Sit With Us," an app that helps remove the fear and uncertainty from the brutal social jungle that are middle school and high school cafeterias.

Sit With Us lets kids do two things: look for a table, and let others know they're welcome at their table. Kids who have a lunch table and want to set a good example can opt to be "Ambassadors," signaling to anyone looking on the app that their table has seats and won't reject anyone. Kids looking for a seat can see where the ambassadors are around them.

There's no need to communicate on the device besides declaring your table open. “This way it’s very private," Natalie told NPR. "It’s through the phone. No one else has to know, and you know that you’re not going to be rejected once you get to the table.” Of course, you can do more with it, like message with friends to plan lunches or add new friends like a social network. The involvement level is up to the user.

Hampton created the app after her own experience of bullying. "I had bruises on my body from being punched with fists or shoved into lockers," she said on the TODAY Show. "I was slapped and had my hair tied in knots, and I still have a scar on my left hand from when a girl clawed me." But the worst, according to Hampton, was the cafeteria.

"When you walk into the lunchroom," she said in her NPR interview, "and you see all the tables of everyone sitting there and you know that going up to them would only end in rejection, you feel extremely alone and extremely isolated, and your stomach drops." Making matters worse, "they'll see you as the girl who has nowhere to sit."

Maybe now that kids have the option of making sure they sit with nice kids, it'll be the jerks who have trouble finding a lunch partner.

Onion rings were definitely created in the 20th Century as part of the Great Fast Food Boom, right? On the contrary, my deep-fried friends, onion rings have been around longer than the United States of America. We've written about historical cooking enthusiasts James Townsend & Son before, when they revealed their incredibly tasty-looking colonial fried chicken recipe for the Fourth of July. Much like that recipe, their onion rings seem somehow fresher and zestier (and cheesier!) than their modern equivalents—although there's no way to pretend they're not both cooked in a big ol' pot of boiling oil. (Recipe below)

18th Century Onion Rings

- Cut Spanish onions (or any large, strong-tasting onion) into 1/2-inch thick rings.

- Boil lard (or oil) in a big ol' pot. Be careful. It's boiling oil.

- Beat 3 eggs in a bowl.

- Add 5 tablespoons of cream, a dash of salt and a pinch of pepper.

- Add 1/4 cup flour added to beaten eggs.

- Add 4 oz finely grated Parmesan cheese, continue beating & mixing.

- Dip rings in your batter individually before dropping them into the boiling oil.

- Fry until golden brown on bottom side and then flip and fry a few minutes more.

- Remove and place on cloth (or paper towel).

- Eat plain or served with a mustard and melted butter sauce.

Enjoy your American colonial onion rings!

The bookworms at USC Rossier know that the hardest part of reading is often picking what to devour next, so they created this flowchart to help you choose from the 100 best books since 2000. Obviously, people may have their own picks for the 100 best recent books, but these were compiled from ratings on Amazon and Goodreads. The flowchart is divided into big genres and then topics within those. It can really help avoid the choice paralysis you get when you walk into Barnes & Noble. Now write your loved ones a note, because you may be down the reading rabbit hole for a while:

Family secrets can be many things, but they're usually secret for a good reason. Thanks to the Internet, however, we all finally have a way to unburden ourselves of these secrets without driving to the middle of nowhere and unloading on a stranger at a bar. One redditor asked people to divulge their dark family secrets, and boy were people ready to dish. Here are 11 of the best responses.

1. User inchypia's great uncle was apparently a character straight out of a Guy Ritchie action movie.

My great aunt and uncle were the sweetest people imaginable, When I was growing up they lived 4 houses down so I used to go around to there house a lot after school. My uncle Jimmy used to play dollies and tea party with me, I have very fond memories of them.

When my uncle Jimmy died I remember all these very professional looking old men at his funeral, surrounded by what looked like to me security guards. My mum casually mentioned to me many years later that my uncle Jimmy was an old fashioned English gangster, he did time for robbery and sex trafficking, he was also accused of murdering 4 people but there wasn't enough evidence to prosecute.

I was gobsmacked, additional to this my lovely Auntie Diane, his wife- was the madame at one of his brothels and recruited his sex slaves, She had also done time. I put 2 and 2 together and realized those men at his funeral were old gangsters. It really messed me up.

2. This family secret from cotmweasel isn't kept secret within the family, for everyone's safety.

Have a 2nd cousin that murdered his siblings and parents for insurance money.

He didn't get away with it. But only spent around 20 years in prison. He's out now, but no one talks about him or will speak to him. The only reason I even know is my parents warned me if he ever reaches out to me that I shouldn't talk to him. I managed to find out about him and what Happened by googling him.

3. This one from jakash is perhaps the furthest anyone's dad has ever traveled for that proverbial pack of cigarettes.

That my great great great grandpa left England for America and was supposed to send money for them to come over, but he never did. He just started a new family in America.

4. Maybe goshy900's great grandpa and jakash's great grandpa were friends (or the same guy).

My great grandfather had three families. Two in the states and one in Canada.

5. Conte_Vincero's family was right at the center of (the wrong side of) history!

We found a picture of two great aunts arm in arm with Hitler. We also have a signed photograph of Mussolini

6. Gather round, everyone, and hear the tale of DrProlapse's prostitute grandma.

My grandmother was a prostitute

Asked how they knew, the good doctor continued:

Just listening to my mother and aunt talk about her. She'd always have strange guys over for short periods of time, didn't really work much. She'd never talk about how she made money while learning to be a nurse. Or why Grampa left her. We all know she got around (no judgement, you go grandma), at least 5 kids by 5 men.

Just putting the pieces together.

Also one time my cousin called her a hooker. Much like the scene in Grandma's Boy. She was very upset by it and actually cut his ass out the will for a while

Furthermore

My grandma was a bad bitch.

Mom remembers some biker dude in West Virginia showing up to the house for god know's what. Grandma grabbed a bat and when he opened the door she hit him in the kidney with it. She just kept swinging until he left. He apparently never came back.

When I had commencement for high school graduation, grandma was pretty old and kinda falling apart, but some lady in a wheelchair went off a curb and you bet your ass Miss 40-years-of-nursing was there in an instant making sure she was okay.

She passed away in 2012. I do miss her.

7. SerenityHill48 uses some pretty harsh language about their great grandmother, but accurate.

My Great Grandmother was a dirty Irish scamming whore (sorry Nanny) in WW2 she used to scam multiple American and British soldiers who would come to Liverpool to be sent to the european front all at once into "marrying" her, then collect a percentage of their pay and pawn any jewelery she was given. She was the Queen of dependas.

8. A lot of things went wrong during WWII, but the experience of PotiusMori's great uncle may well have been the stupidest.

Its not exactly 'dark' per say, but my great uncle on my father's side is widely considered an idiot.

So my dad's family are very recent immigrants from Italy, and I guess my great uncle decided he wanted to visit his homeland (he was born there, but raised in America). The problem was he apperantly was completely oblivious to what was going on in the world, because he went to Italy in 1938. He ended up getting drafted into the Italian military since he was born there. Unfortunately for him, he was completely unaware he didnt actually have to join the Italian military, as the US would have contested it had he tried to get into contact with an embassy or something.

Luckily for him, he was only assigned to patrol around Italy, and Italy surrendered/turned on Mussolini before the Allies advanced far enough to encounter my great uncle. It was all apperantly very awkward since my grandfather and the rest of his brothers had been part of the US military and fought in Europe.

TLDR: My great uncle is probably the only guy to accidently join the wrong side of WW2.

9. Hopefully these secrets have limbered you up for the wild, multi-secret ride that is this family.

I have a few. 1) About 80% of my family members are coke heads. I found out after falling into the family habit right after highschool and having a break down where I told my brother. Guess some habits are genetic.

2) My mothers aunt passed a few years ago. We went to arizona for the funeral, which is where I met my Mother's side of the family for the first time. I learned 2 things that day. I'm Irish (the family has IRA ties), and apparently my aunt had been murdered. A few hours after the funeral we were all in the hotel room catching up when one of my Mother's cousin's (who hadn't showed up) called from a pay phone. He asked to be put on speaker and to have the kids leave the room. Since I had recently turned 18 they asked for me to stay. Turns out he found out that my now deceased aunt's dealer had cut her coke with some kind of posion. He got a confession from the guy before he offed him and dumped him in the desert. He said he was sorry he couldn't be there but also said they wouldn't see him for a few years. He said he loved us, apologized he never got to meet my brothers and I and hung up. No one has heard from him since.

3) My mother tried to abort me. She confessed this after an argument we had and said her life is better wothout me in it and that she doesn't love me. Apparently my drunken father had found out, showed up to the clinic, dragged her out by her hair, and told her that if she ever tried to abort me again he would kill her once I was born. Needless to say I won't cry we she finally ODs and gets put in the ground.

10. Let's dial it back with some low-key (alleged) cannibalism, instead from this awed grandchild.

My great grandfather was a bootlegger, and later, allegedly a cannibal during The Great Depression. I say allegedly because his friends claimed it was a rumor he started to keep people from messing with his family. They could never disprove it, though, because even up to his death he swore hed eaten a rivals liver. I should note he was a Native American, so he got the nickname Wen, short for wendigo.

My grandpa said it was all for show, though, cause Wen had to fight over things like milk and threaten the power company employees to keep them from turning the power off.

I have no idea how much is true, cause it seemed to be embellished all the way up to my grandpas death.

Someone pointed out that Wendigo is a particularly apt nickname for the circumstance, meaning "cannibal monster or evil spirit native to the northern forests." This prompted more details about the grandfather to emerge.

The superstition definitely helped his reputation, though from everything I heard, he was a gentle man.

My father tells a story about him and his younger brother eating dinner with Wen. Dad was round 5, his brother 3 or so. Wen had made cornbread and a pot of ham beans. He said they were so hungry that every time Wen sat down to eat with them, they were asking for more. Sit down and dad wanted more. Sat down and uncle wanted more. By the time he sat to his plate, they were full. They said Wen was laughing so hard he started to cry cause it was the first time since the depression that the kids at his table could eat until they were full, and he still had enough for himself.

By all accounts, he was a great guy.

11. Skipping over a lot more people with Nazi or slave-owning relatives, here is a story that was a dark secret a long ago and now rambunctiousmango's family finds hilarious.

Not exactly 'dark', but after my grandpa died we were going through his stuff and found an old letter. My very Christian, very conservative grandpa had gotten kicked out of college for organizing a panty raid and somehow no one ever knew.

Of course, we framed the letter and it's now hanging on the wall of my grandma's house

Last night, the New York Times reported Donald Trump may not have paid taxes since 1995. This inspired a hashtag for people speculating about what the world was like the last time Trump paid taxes. Here are 21 of the best:

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Alec Baldwin is taking over the role of Donald Trump on SNL this season, and the very first sketch of the year, a reenactment of Donald's disastrous debate, made it clear why. The sketch also hits it right down the middle of SNL's political strength: confirming what we all thought we saw, but in a way too funny to deny. Donald Trump brought 5 minutes of material to a 90 minute debate, and Clinton just let him fill the rest with unprovoked, unhinged rants.

Baldwin may not have the technical mastery of Darrell Hammond, but he nails Trump's obnoxious New Yorker spirit like only a man who has thrown a paparazzi against a taxi hood can. A brash liberal New Yorker who made it big in the 80s before to his 2000s TV comeback, prone to yelling at journalists and family members alike, Alec Baldwin is the yin to Donald Trump's yang—although even Baldwin's ego isn't probably big enough to hope for a Trump victory.

With this Family Feud sketch coming on the heels of SNL's spot-on debate parody (starring Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump), the season premiere hosted by Margot Robbie was strongest in its political sketches. Although the actual Trump and Clinton families have known each other for years (Chelsea and Ivanka were pretty close friends before 2015), this was a match up for their political families. It's absolutely filled with in-jokes for anyone who has been dutifully suffering through the news:

It's also a very strong round of impressions overall, with Kate McKinnon as Kellyanne Conway (the GOP pollster who has to spin Trump's BS every day), Margot Robbie as Ivanka, Bobby Moynihan as Chris Christie, Beck Bennett as Putin, Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton, new castmember Melissa Villaseñor as Sarah Silverman, Cecily Strong as Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Larry David returning as Bernie Sanders. Hopefully, Miranda liked his impression, because he's hosting next week.

Disney is responsible for many of the greatest animated works of the 20th Century, but hand-drawing timeless children's classics takes a lot of time—so sometimes, they'll just trace over a scene they've already done with new characters. Sometimes, they don't even change the background characters! Of course, these films are decades apart and the internet didn't exist then, so we can forgive these animators for trying to minimize carpal tunnel syndrome and just be fascinated by this supercut from MovieMunchies:

In this explainer video for DNews (Discovery's YouTube arm), hosts Jackie Koppell and Trace Dominguez break down the science of sweat, body odor, and deodorant. If you have any super-organic friends, they've probably lectured you about how evil deodorant is, hopefully from a safe distance. But are these unscented naysayers like Matthew McConaughey​ right? Well, they're right that our underarm products do more than just cover up smells: they plug up sweat glands and mess with the bacteria that feed on that sweat (making smelly byproducts). Sometimes they even help make superbacteria (maybe)!

Organic deodorants do much less of this, and it's not yet clear whether deodorants' impact on your microbiome is a big deal. We still have a lot more to study, but if you're a big believer in the current trend of keeping your body's bacteria population healthy, you might want to skip the Old Spice.