Article 21
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People shared the dumbest things they ever did as teenagers and lived to tell about it.
As we march headfirst toward the election, many people are questioning why we put an age limit on voting. This list should settle that question forever. Here are 13 incredibly dumb things people admitted they did as teenagers, proving exactly why no one should be allowed to make decisions before they turn 18.
1. robert9712000 makes a great case to only have one child.
2. pooka50465046 found out that no one had his back.
3. sightlab had a hankering for ye olden days.
4. YoureaNarwhal found a way to make a microwave smell even worse.
5. King_Pollox had a policy making system so stupid it rivals our government.
6. Smeggywulff developed a taste for the finer things.
7. Before applegrumble made it to high school, he was a real jerk.
8. HRHill doesn't say if they were drunk or high, but they had to have been drunk or high.
9. At least mattortz admits he was high for this.
10. emmach17 put his life on the line but won't let anyone else do it.
11. Ser_Rodrick_Cassel basically did the same thing.
12. Death_proofer explains the only bright thing he did in his life.
13. And finally, Lyd_Euh had to have a bachelor(ette) party using fake IDs.
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These makeup tutorials will help you turn yourself into the monster from 'Stranger Things.'
Halloween is less than a month away, and costumes from the hit Netflix show Stranger Things are definitely going to be huge this year. Here are a few makeup tutorials on how to turn yourself into the Demogorgon creature from the secret parallel world of the Upside Down. These videos are most useful for people already fairly skilled in the art of special effects makeup, but they're actually not that difficult, assuming you can get access to the materials needed to make a mold of your own face.
Both tutorials come from Elli Macs. The first is a tutorial for the creature with an open mouth.
If done correctly, your mask will look something like this.
The second tutorial is for the monster with its mouth closed.
The completed mask!
Happy Halloween costume making, and remember, DON'T EAT BARB!
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Jennifer Garner trolls paparazzi’s annoying romance questions, says she’s dating Brad Pitt.
Jennifer Garner joked with the paparazzi that she's dating Brad Pitt, because ha ha ha, they're both single now, because divorce!! LOL! It started when paparazzi followed the actress and her friend down the street in Los Angeles after their morning workout. The paps grilled Garner about her love life (she and ex-husband Ben Affleck split last year,RIP Bennifer). Instead of dumping her coffee on their head, asI would if strangers followed me down the street asking personal questions, she said "You know, Brad Pitt and I are dating, isn't that great?" then started cracking up. Props to her for maintaining this level of chill.
"You're dating Brad Pitt?" asks a paparazzi in the background. Garner responded, "Yeah!" and it made everyone laugh (I'd be offended if I said I was dating Brad Pitt and people laughed, but that's my issue). She then kept laughing all the way to her car.
Maybe she is dating Brad Pitt and this is some hiding in plain sight strategy! Probably not, though. But it's a better story than the rumor out there that she's banging her accountant (ZZzzzzzzzz SNOOZEFEST). Bra-nnifer 4-ever!!!
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Spencer Pratt from 'The Hills' wants to hook you up with crystals.
What's Spencer Pratt from The Hillsbeen up to lately? The reality star seems to have undergone a major life transformation, and is now in Los Angeles. Perez Hilton reports he is selling his own "crystal kit" of gems and stones from countries around the world, including China and India. Somehow this doesn't even seem that surprising.
Pratt collaborated with NY-based company InnerVision Crystals to market the kits, which goes for $33 a pop. But it's not just about the money for Pratt, who said of his project:
"I look at crystals as a beautiful thing. It's all about intention. If I want to look at an amethyst and it puts me in a good mood, then it is working. It's all about having positive thoughts. Before, I didn't think that way. The natural beauty and mystery intrigue me and make the imagination spin."
Mike Eggleston of InnerVision Crystals said Pratt had "been into crystals for awhile now." This is a 180 for Spencer Pratt who, as you may remember, was America's reality TV villain long before Chad. Other things he's been "into" in the past have included trying to illegally sneak hunting weapons onto a plane in Costa Rica, and faking a divorce from wife Heidi Montag for publicity. Crystals seem like a step in the right direction.
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Demi Lovato declares war on Taylor Swift's squad (and their bodies).
Demi Lovato just fired major shots against Taylor Swift's squad. The singer told Glamour, "This will probably get me in trouble, [but] I don't see anybody in any sort of squad that has a normal body. It's kind of this false image of what people should look like." It's super hard to know who to root for here. I'm a conscientious objector to this war! By the way, who chooses their friends based on whether or not they have a "normal" body?
"I think that having a song and a video about tearing Katy Perry down, that's not women's empowerment," Lovato added, referring to Swift's song "Bad Blood," which is widely rumored to be about a tiff between Perry and Swift.
Give peace a chance, ladies!
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Article 15
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Jessica Biel can't stop Instagramming about her weird shower habit.
Actress Jessica Biel eats in the shower. Jessica, why? Doesn't that make your food wet? At least she appears to have a bench in there to rest her food on.
This isn't even the first time she's Instagrammed about it.
Wait, I just realized that she's also bringing her phone in the shower to take a picture of herself eating in the shower. Does she do everything in the shower? Is she basically Kramer from that episode of Seinfeld where he installs a phone in his shower?
Jessica Biel, don't go down this path!
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Here's what women wore to the office for the last 100 years (minus the sexist comments).
Glamour gave us a peak into the past with their new video that shows what women wore to work over the past 100 years. From jumpsuits to power suits, try to forget the fact that women still make 77 cents to every dollar men do and enjoy this cute video.
Wait, that's weird. They didn't include my go-to work look—an old sweatshirt and last night's eyeliner.
Next time you complain about having to get dressed in the morning, just remember those women who would wear tiny hats and gloves to the office back in the 30's. Yikes, that is almost as scary as the sexual harassment they must have faced from being a woman in a male dominated workforce.
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'No excuses' mom who enraged internet with post-baby photo has changed her tune.
Remember "No Excuses" Mom? Real name Maria Kang, she's the woman who earned the disdain of most of the internet, even non-moms, a few years ago when she posted a picture of herself looking fit as a fiddle (a gymrat fiddle) alongside her three sons, all under the age of three. The large font text over the picture read, "What's your excuse?" implying that women have to either look swimsuit issue ready, or have a damn good reason why they don't. "Busy, 3 kids, job," etc. wasn't going to cut it as an excuse with Kang.
It seems that over the past few years, Kang has figured out that maybe there are some excuses, and that maybe looking thin at all costs isn't even a requirement. She wrote a blog post last week explaining that life stressors like separating from her husband and dealing with depression have changed her perspective. She also posted an Instagram of herself in a red bikini, still looking great, but maybe not quite as toned as before. In her caption, she revealed that she'd gained 10 pounds and hadn't worked out for four days, but she was okay with all that.
Her caption reads:
I usually have several rituals before I do a photoshoot:
- If I'm not within my desired weight range I would diet 10-12 weeks prior
- Two weeks before I shoot I would up my cardio and decrease my carbs
- A week prior I would start prepping my clothes, applying facial masks and doing a manicure
- The day of I would try to eliminate extra water from my body, ensure I was shooting in the morning (before I ate and was refreshed). HOWEVER - in the last several months I've been over-traveling, over-stressed and over "it" as I'm undergoing many life challenges and changes. While my sister n law, @brittenphoto in town, I decided just a couple hours before she had to leave on a plane to do an impromptu photoshoot. It's been over a year since I could get in front of a professional camera because I never felt 'ready enough'. There were constantly events, children, stress and even some depression, that prevented me from following through on my quarterly goals.
Despite how 'unready' I felt, I thought about all the women I encourage to be proud of how far they've come and to celebrate their body at every stage of progression. I am in no way out of shape, but I am definitely and admittedly hard on myself because I rarely see extra skin, cellulite, muscles or a size greater than a 2 on a magazine cover. I rarely see Asians in the media! (that's a different topic!) So I have all those things. I shot this in the afternoon after eating a donut (thanks to my bff who owns a shop!) I didn't exercise for 4 days prior and was tired after a day working and being with my kids. AND I am 10lbs up since I shot that "What's Your Excuse" photo!
So here I am.
This is a raw photo with absolutely no retouching, no preparation and no shame. I'm finding my beauty again, I'm discovering my strength again and I'm relearning what it means to be brave, bold and unapologetic about where I am in my life's journey.
She followed that picture with another one the next day, from the same shoot.
The full caption reads:
Thank you to everyone for your kind, supportive and encouraging comments from yesterday's post! I know we all strive to be "ready" for events, vacations or just feel good enough to wear a swimsuit or take a photo! Sometimes we will mentally never be where we think we should be, so just show up! Just do it! Just be proud of where you are in your life's journey! As someone who works with the elderly, I promise you, you will look back at old photos and events when you were insecure and think, "what was I thinking ?!" In gratitude, here's another raw image from @brittenphoto❤️ (she's so amazing even her untouched files look great!) There are so many things we can nitpick, so many areas that many feel should be photoshopped - but why not show who we authentically are? This is me.
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The 26 funniest tweets of 10/4/16: the VP Debate, Assange, clowns, and more.
It's October 4th, 2016. 10-4, good buddy! Enjoy these jokes about tonight's VP debate, some guy named Trump, creepy clowns, Julian Assange's failed October surprise, and more: Here are today's 26 funniest tweets:
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Article 10
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Creationist group puts the fear back in Halloween by telling kids they're going to Hell.
The only thing worse than getting raisins while trick-or-treating would be given this fake 1 million dollar bill that tells you that you're going to hell. Also, apples.
Anti-Halloween creationist groups are hawking these fake bills to children who show up for candy on Halloween night, and although the dinosaur on the front is pretty near, the message on the back is really scary—and not in the good way.
Have you ever lied? Have you ever taken anything that didn't belong to you? Have you always obeyed your parents? If you have ever hated someone, the Bible says that's like committing murder in your heart. The Ten Commandments show us how bad we really are, and they are the standard God will use to judge our lives. One day, God will punish all people who have broken any of the Ten Commandments. They will be sent to a place called "hell," a really bad place that you don't want to go to.
In other words:
Well, that's one way to ensure your house gets egged. Parents, make sure while you are checking your kid's candy that you also keep your eyes peeled for propaganda handed out by religious zealots!
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Your coffee addiction may be a problem now, but it'll pay off as you get older.
A new University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee study on the effects of coffee on dementia found a hopeful correlation that suggests women, at least those above the age of 65, should drink up.
Women in that age group, who ingested more caffeine (about "two to three 8-ounce cups of coffee" each day), had a better chance of avoiding dementia or other "cognitive impairment" when compared to those who had less than the average intake.
Of course, this doesn't mean that a crazy caffeine addiction necessarily prevents dementia, but it didn't hurt. The results of this study supported others on the topic that suggest caffeine could slow the effects of age on your brain.
Scientifically speaking, this study doesn't really apply to you if you're under the age of 65. But since you know it'll come in handy, keep nurturing your caffeine habit. (Just not to the extent that you burn out and start hating coffee by the time you're 65.)
If anything, this means you should start varying the ways you drink caffeine so you don't get tired of it.
Okay, fine. This has been a roundabout way to tell you to start worshipping at the alter of Pumpkin Spice. Do not fight it.
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This vibrator syncs up with erotic audiobooks, so your commute just got a lot more interesting.
Erotic audiobooks have already solved the first problem in erotic fiction by freeing up your hands to you… you know. Now there's a vibrator that syncs up to audiobooks so your hands are free to do literally anything else. This is the complete non-boyfriend experience.
Vibease has created a small smart vibrator that syncs with over 500 erotic audiobooks on their app, and each story has its own vibe sequence to fit the plot. They promise it's "full of anticipations and surprises."
Per the example on their site,
When the audiobook says "I'm touching you softly", Vibease vibrates slowly.
When the audiobook says "I'm touching you roughly", Vibease vibrates hard.
So while the robots are doing all the heavy lifting, you have your hands free to do whatever you want. Like tying them up while you sink you into 50 Shades of Grey. Just a suggestion.
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Article 6
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Lindsay Lohan clarifies that her finger was "ripped off," which is apparently better than "chopped off."
Lindsay Lohan, who is having a rough year, revealed in a Snapchat on October 3 that she lost part of her finger in a boating accident over the weekend. The details of what happened are a little confusing, and the star took to Twitter today to confuse us even further.
"I almost lost my finger from the anchor," she wrote in the original Snapchat. "Well, I lost half my finger, thank goodness we found the piece of my finger. I just had surgery to fix it ... it hurts so bad."
This left everyone with a lot of unanswered questions about Lohan's lost-and-then-found finger. Like, WTH happened? And how could this happen right around the most important national holiday, Mean Girls Day?
Lohan took to Twitter today, where she cleared things up for us (but not really).
If you're anything like me, you still have no clue what happened to her finger. "Ripped off" sounds somehow even worse than "chopped." Both options sound extremely painful. She seems to be doing okay though, according to this "one-handed selfie."
Lindsay, be safe out there. I don't know why I care so much, but I do.
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Here's what all those different fancy grocery labels—free range, organic, cruelty-free—actually mean.
The second you walk into a grocery store, especially a fancy one, you're faced with well-meaning labels like "rainforest alliance certified" and "free roaming." These can sometimes be misleading, and almost always more expensive. Is it worth the extra $4 to make sure your eggplant wasn't molested? Fortunately, all those terms have been decoded and broken down by Club Woodside, so you can make a free-range, grass-fed, fair trade decision for yourself.
The bottom line? Just because an animal is treated humanely doesn't necessarily mean it's running around the hillside like Maria Von Trapp. Go ahead and bookmark this page for your next shopping trip, or easier still, just order delivery.
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Samira Wiley of 'Orange is the New Black' is engaged to the woman who left her husband for her.
Samira Wiley, who played the very lovable Poussey Washington (😢) on Orange is the New Black, is engaged to series writer Lauren Morelli. This was revealed via a photo of the couple looking deliriously happy that both women posted to Instagram on October 3. Wiley captioned hers simply, "yes."
LOVE IS REAL, YOU GUYS. In keeping with the theme of the show, the couple has had quite the dramatic back story. They first met on the set of Orange is the New Black when Morelli was still married to her ex-husband, TV writer Steve Basilone.
In 2014, Morelli revealed in an essay for Mic about how she realized she was gay while writing the show's central romantic plot line between female leads Alex and Piper:
I was nervous about the first love scene I’d written for Alex and Piper. I’d loved writing it, loved watching a tenderness emerge in their relationship where passion always seemed to be the ruling principle, but by that time, I was so deep in my own self-doubt that I constantly felt like a fraud. I was sure it was bleeding into my writing. How could it not? I was married to a man, but I wasn’t straight.
Morelli's emotional coming out story definitely has a happy ending (for everyone except Morelli's ex-husband, although apparently they are still friends). And also for Wiley's character Poussey on OITNB (I can't talk about it). But it's all okay, because at least these two found love!!!
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15 funny animal tweets to help you celebrate #WorldAnimalDay.
As far as made up holidays go, you really can't beat World Animal Day. Animals are the freakin' greatest. They're cute, they're funny, and best of all, they distract us from the constant anxiety of our impeding doom. Honestly, baby animal pics are the only thing keeping me afloat right now. Enjoy these 15 hilarious tweets about animals, and calm the hell down.
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