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The struggle is real for this dog who has to leave the pet store.

October 7, 2016, 9:26 am
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Every parent knows the struggle of trying to get their kids to leave a birthday party or the playground when they haven't had their fill of fun yet. But chances are that your kids, even on their worst days, are more cooperative than this golden retriever who didn't want to leave the pet store.

When his mean old human tried to get him to leave the magical land where chew toys, Snausages, and weird-smelling hamsters live together in perfect harmony, he resorted to whatever means necessary to stay put, even if it meant playing dead.

This is the dog equivalent of a temper tantrum.

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Everyone who has worked in retail will love this sweet tale of revenge.

October 7, 2016, 9:57 am
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Retail employee lupin_stargazer just executed the most satisfying revenge ever against an unapologetic customer who let her 3-year-old daughter tear apart her store. If it were me, this would be testimony in a murder trial, but lupin-stargazer serves justice with a smile.

Here's the unedited greatness, as posted originally to reddit. If you've ever worked in the service industry, this one's for you.

I work a crappy retail job, and we just started putting out our christmas stock (It kills me to say that when it isn't even Halloween yet). I was working the register while my coworker was in the back room handling a delivery. It was a quiet night, no customers for about half an hour, and in walks a woman with her three year old daughter.

They start looking in the christmas aisle. I happen to walk by it about ten minutes later, and the aisle is completely trashed. I watch as her daughter pulls three pegs worth of garland off the wall, then as her mother picks out the color she wants and leaves the rest on the floor. This woman had allowed her daughter to do this for nearly everything in the aisle. She saw me, took her daughters hand and said "Come on honey, lets go check out while this nice lady cleans up." And she leads her kid toward the check out.

No. She. Did. Not.

Well, jokes on you, lady. I'm the only one working them tonight! I start cleaning the aisle (very slowly) while she waits at the register. After a few minutes, the lady looks at me and clears her throat. I look up, smile and say "I'm sorry, but company policy states that I can't leave any obstruction in an aisle unattended. I'll be with you as soon as I can." And I go back to cleaning. Made her wait for a good twenty minutes trying to entertain a bored, increasingly whiny toddler before I came up and rang her stuff up. I made sure to give her my biggest smile as I handed her her change and said "Have a nice night!".

What an impeccable tale of completely defensible revenge. There can't be a more enjoyable way to clean up than knowing it is really pissing someone off.

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Article 12

October 7, 2016, 10:30 am
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Tip your fedora to Portlandia's evisceration of Men's Rights Activists.

October 7, 2016, 10:42 am
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Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein made the ultimate music video as Human YouTube Comments lamenting about the fall of men. It's unfair that people are addressing discrimination, leaving white men out as they retreat to their safe spaces on Reddit.

Brownstein's character takes on the real problems: "If I had a son right now, he might not know what it's like to have a white male president."

The dudes cry for a Statue of Libert-He in the style of the 90s, the last era where things were good for men folk.

In conclusion:

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9 anatomical facts that prove God is sexist.

October 7, 2016, 10:52 am
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One of the biggest obstacles to achieving equality of the sexes is that being a woman is so damn emotionally and physically inconvenient. And we all know who's to blame for that: God. Sure, God created humans before the concept of being "politically correct" existed, so it's not entirely His fault. But if these 9 anatomical facts have taught me anything, it's that God is the biggest sexist of all:

1. Periods

It's women alone who have to deal with this monthly interruption—the cramping, the bleeding, the wondering if we remembered to take that tampon out or not. Maybe we need a heavenly Title IX to even things out a bit: "No person shall, on the basis of sex, be subjected to discrimination by our Heavenly Father."

2. Hormone fluctuation

Yes, I'm listing hormones separately from periods. While my girl friends and I are wondering if we're tired, grumpy or hungry because of our cycles, men are just, like, "Let's eat sandwiches and gain 10 pounds and no one will notice." How is that fair, Lord?

3. Pregnancy

Some women love being pregnant and think it's a gift from God. But let's be honest: A real gift from God would be a baby plopped into your husband's uterus.

4. Childbirth

I mean, God basically admits this is sexist in Genesis 3:16: "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you." Um, cool. Thanks for nothing.

5. Breastfeeding

Seriously, you couldn't make one single, biological aspect of growing and caring for a baby 50/50 the responsibility of each parent? And don't say, "But what about formula feeding?" You're too omnipotent to pretend you don't know who has to be weighed down by guilt about that decision.

6. Way, way more UTIs

Sure, men get UTIs sometimes, but not anywhere near the frequency that women get them. Is it really fair that women have to stuff themselves with cranberry juice while men are climbing the corporate ladder?

7. Physical strength, height, speed

Of course, women can be physically strong (see: "Childbirth," the Williams sisters), but there's no denying that men are, as a group, stronger, taller, and faster (and dumber, amirite ladies? [high fives no one]). Even their bones are denser! I guess God didn't get the memo that this kind of thinking is really outdated.

8. Biological clocks

I know, I know. Earlier, I was complaining about periods and childbirth and now I'm, like, Hey where did that go?, but is it in any way fair that dudes don't have to postpone their careers so they can get those babies out? Or that they reach a point where the only way they can procreate is by ditching you for a younger woman? Way to promote backward and sexist thinking, God.

9. Crying during Tylenol commercials

We did not ask for this abundance of estrogen, Lord, so have mercy on us and make all ads skippable after four seconds.

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These are the 14 dumbest questions a customer has ever asked an employee.

October 7, 2016, 11:16 am
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If you want to hear the dumbest things ever, just work in customer service. Obviously not all the inner-workings of a company are self-explanatory, but after reading these dumb questions posted to reddit, it's pretty clear that whoever said "there's no such thing as a dumb question" must have been pretty dumb.

1. RepletesMaryJane had a hotel customer who didn't know what doors were.

I work at a hotel and I had a guest/customer call and inform me that his room did not have a bathroom and that he would need to be moved to one which did. I informed him of course that all of our rooms have bathrooms, and asked if he had checked the doors in the room. He had not..

2. And rggrd's guest was ready to believe the bedroom had no bed.

I work at a hotel, a client walks in: "If I book a room, does it include the bed?" Like no Sir, we only provide you a chair so you can sit down and wait till check out time.

3. ​Baldulf had a bookstore customer who was illiterate to how bookstores work.

-Can you photoshop some pictures for me?

-Sir, this is a bookstore.

-Yeah, but I see you have a computer right here.

4. trebuchetfight had to go through a full Abbot and Costello routine.

I work at an Italian place right now. We call our Italian menu items by Italian names with English descriptions. I get a lot of questions, but I don't mind a hair because I get paid to talk about food.

Not too long ago though it sort of went slapstick. They kept asking it. "Pollo e penne?" "Oh, that's chicken and pasta with..." "Does it have meat in it?" "The chicken pasta? Yes, pollo is Italian for chicken." "Can I get the chicken but not the pollo?" "Pollo is just Italian for chicken, if you want chicken it's really good..." "No, I like chicken but I don't want pollo." I kind of lost it for a split second.

5. ParrotChild had a gift shop customer that didn't grasp the concept of what a room was.

"Does this room go all the way to the back wall over there?"

She pointed a finger out towards the end of the shop-floor, past all the shelves and merchandise.

"That white wall? The one furthest away at the end of the room? Yes."

"That is part of the room too?"

"Yes, this room contains all of itself."

"Thank you."

".... what the fuck just happened?"

6. NoDoThis had a customer who was pissed they weren't at starbucks.

Working at a small coffee shop that roasted their own beans/had their own brand. "Do you sell Starbucks here?" "No ma'am we roast our own coffee." "Well that's just bad business!" ... okay.

7. And darcendale was a starbucks employee who had a customer who was pissed they weren't mcdonalds.

I used to work at Starbucks. And I don't know how many times people would come through and order egg McMuffins, McGriddles, hash browns, basically anything on a McDonalds menu. And you'd say "oh I'm sorry this isn't McDonalds we don't have those" and they'd freak out and yell "YOU DONT SELL MCMUFFINS?!?!?!"

8. ​SenorBeef 6133 points

Gas station.

"Hey, the bathroom door is locked. Can I get a key?"

"There's no key, if it's locked there's someone in there"

"How does it know?"

"How does... what... know... what?"

"How does the bathroom know someone is in there?"

"People.... people go in and then they lock the door while they're using it."

[5 second pause]

"Ohhhh"

This was a 20-25 year old guy who wasn't obviously intoxicated.

9. ​Proxy12345 had a customer ho needed help wiping.

Customer screaming: "MY NEW CAR'S BACK WIPER DOESN'T WORK!!!"

we walk outside, look at back window

Me: you don't have a back wiper blade.

10. This person thought ​Bayarearedneck had x-ray vision.

As a UPS driver

Customer: what's in the package?

Me: no idea you ordered it

11. ​RichardStrauss123 had to explain how lawns work.

Ran a lawn mowing service. New customer asks about the process.

"Do you come to my house to mow it?"

No. We pick it up and haul it to our special mowing center then bring it back.

12. ​Arii797ros's customer wasnt just dumb, she was evil.

I'm a cashier at a grocery store and one time I had a lady ask me of I could "tell everyone else to let her go first." Like, she expected me to force everyone who had been patiently waiting in line to let her cut them. It wasn't like she only had 1 or 2 items either; her cart was packed.

13. ​DeniseDeNephew overhead something you just can't unhear.

I went to dinner once at a Chinese restaurant in Missouri and a woman at the table next to ours yelled at the waiter, "Where is the other sauce? We are supposed to get Sweet and Sour Sauce and we only got one sauce!"

14. And finally, a story from PM_ME_CRAFT_BEER so stupid, it cannot be explained.

Worked on a Christmas tree farm over winter break in college. One time I had a lady ask me, "so, what are these trees made out of?"

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Justin Bieber tries to hide from paparazzi with the fakest disguise ever.

October 7, 2016, 11:35 am
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Oh, Justin Bieber, what are you doing wearing such a very obvious wig and even more obvious facial hair as a "disguise" in Amsterdam? Don't you realize how fake this looks? Is that on purpose? Secretly doing a sketch for some late night show? Are you for real or is this performance art?

People in Amsterdam are posting pictures and videos on social media of what is absolutely, definitely, quite clearly Justin Bieber, walking around Amsterdam "incognito," while drawing even more attention to himself with his ludicrous disguise. This must be a joke…right? It has to be. He even asks someone, "Does this look real?," proof that he knows it doesn't…right?

You really can't blame him for trying. Imagine, after spending almost your entire life in the public eye, how much you'd want to be able to blend in and just enjoy a day outside sometimes. But even if Justin wore a regular-looking wig and normal-seeming facial hair that would, theoretically, allow him to blend in, he'd still be noticeable because of his tattoos, especially that one on his neck. There's an old saying: the neck-tattooed man shall not go unnoticed. Okay, I made that up, but I speak from experience. Bieber, buddy, look into some concealer, it'll change your whole world.

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Article 7

October 7, 2016, 12:00 pm
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These dinosaurs are not afraid of Hurricane Matthew.

October 7, 2016, 12:03 pm
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While Florida is being asked to evacuate, already-extinct dinosaurs were not afraid of no hurricane. Two T-Rexes* headed to the beach to do a strange dance that should sync well to theJurassic Parktheme.

The hurricane barreling towards the coast is serious, and has already wreaked havoc on the Caribbean.

Now, in addition to deadly winds and rain, the people of Florida now have a dinosaur invasion to worry about.

*Note: While those dinos are almost certainly humans in inflatable costumes, Floridians do have IRL sharks swimming past the shore.

Florida, stay safe. And hold on to your butts.

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President Obama forgets his phone at the White House, proves he is human after all.

October 7, 2016, 12:29 pm
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President Obama flew from the White House to Chicago on Friday morning, and he almost did so without his phone. (GASP! We've all been there.) As the president walked to board Marine One, he stopped suddenly, patted himself down, realized his BlackBerry was nowhere to be found, and ran back inside to retrieve it.

Mark Knoller, a White House correspondent for CBS News, captured the president's realization in a hilariously relatable photo set, which he posted to Twitter.

I know they already took Obama's official presidential portrait, but I'd like to start a petition to replace it with a collage of these truly incredible action shots.

Obama did manage to retrieve his phone, and Knoller later tweeted that the president had landed in Chicago, BlackBerry in hand. Thank goodness. That flight would've been soooooo boring if he wasn't able to play Candy Crush.

Presidents: they're just like us!

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7 terrible questions single people are tired of hearing at weddings.

October 7, 2016, 1:11 pm
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Weddings are a beautiful chance to celebrate love, get tipsy, and flaunt your best bad dance moves with your friends.

But the notion that marriage is the one true key to long-lasting happiness means single folks can really get an earful if they mingle with the wrong guests.

You may mean no harm, but these asking questions are the actual worst. Please, do us single people a favor and never utter these words at a wedding ever again.

Terrible Question #1: "Are you married?"

We just watched two people join in holy matrimony and yes, we whooped and cheered! Why wouldn’t we? Love is grand! But that doesn’t mean you should check the relationship status of every guest in attendance.

Now, please move, you’re blocking our path to the open bar.

Terrible Question #2: "Is that your boyfriend?"

Stop frantically trying to identify our mate. If you see us talking to some dude we stood next to at the open bar, don’t jump to any conclusions. We might barely know each other!

Also, not all dates are significant others! Sometimes they are friends, roommates, or even our brothers. Bottom line is, if you’re curious about who some dude is, this is the wrong question to ask.

“How do you two know each other?” is a much safer bet.

Terrible Question #3: "So you’re single? Coooool! Do you date a lot?"

Woof. Seriously weirdo, please put away the popcorn. Our personal lives are not your Netflix-to-go. And while you’re at it, lay off the compliments on our singlehood. We know we’re great, and we will remain the shit whether we partner up or remain unattached.

Terrible Question #4: "So, like, what’s your type?"

You may be all ears and a-fixin’ to find us a partner. But that doesn’t mean we want to fill out a dating profile right now.

If you want to be social, simply talk to us about our other interests. Literally anything else would be preferable.

Terrible Question #5: "Ooooh! Have you tried any dating apps?"

The only thing worse than someone who openly pities you for being single is someone who is just thrilled that you get to experience modern dating.

They want to live vicariously through you but have no clue about the realities of modern dating.

Yes we have apps. Sometimes they are fun and sometimes they suck. You know what really sucks? Having this conversation right now about your how your cousin found her husband on Tinder.

Terrible Question #6: "Did you know so-and-so is single, too?"

God, yes. We’ve been introduced to every single dude here 10 times over. Rest assured, if we wanted to chat them up, we’d be doing it already. There's a reason we're hiding behind the chocolate fountain.

Terrible Question #7: "They’re about to throw the bouquet! What are you doing over here?"

I’m getting a slice of cake, bitch. And it’s really good. Please leave.

The fact is, single people are people too. We have interests beyond finding a mate. So please stop pestering with questions about who we’ll pair off with and when. You’re killing our vibe.

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11 of the internet's best responses to Trump's disgusting conversation with Billy Bush.

October 7, 2016, 1:35 pm
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The gross, sexist comments from Republican nominee Donald Trump just keep on coming. On Friday, a conversation Trump had on a live mic with Access Hollywood's Billy Bush in 2005 was leaked by NBC News. In the video, Trump can be heard saying, "When you're a star... You can do anything" to women, along with other lewd comments that are too gross to write here.

Obviously, the internet had a lot to say about this. Here are 11 of Twitter's best responses.

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Trump was caught on live mic saying the most disgusting things about women.

October 7, 2016, 1:37 pm
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Donald Trump really wants America to believe he sincerely cares about women, but he probably couldn't make a worse case for himself if he tried. Like, for example, today he was caught on live mic bragging about what he could get away with when hitting on a women, because, "when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the p***y. You can do anything."

The conversation in this footage obtained by the Washington Post reportedly took place in 2005, when Access Hollywood was doing a segment about Trump appearing on Days of our Lives. The host, Billy Bush (who is now a co-host at NBC's Today show), and Trump were already wearing mics, which recorded them casually chatting while riding in an Access Hollywood bus to the soap opera set.

There's also a segment where Trump talks about hitting on an anonymous married woman, saying:

I did try and f--- her. She was married. . . I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.

In response, Donald Trump released a statement saying, "This was locker room banter, a private conversation that took place many years ago. Bill Clinton has said far worse to me on the golf course—not even close. I apologize if anyone was offended."

Rough locker room. Sure sounds like the casual conversation of a man respectful of women, right? And wow, an actual apology from Trump. There's a first time for everything.

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The 27 funniest tweets of 10/7/2016: Hurricane Matthew, Joe Buck, Trump grabbing women and more.

October 7, 2016, 3:05 pm
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TGIF! Time to sip pumpkin spice beers instead of pumpkin spice lattes. Hair plug addictions, hurricane reactions, and the Republican nominee bragging about groping women: Here are 27 of funniest tweets tweets from October 7th, 2016!

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25 of the funniest women on Twitter this week: mosquitoes, bartenders, Trump and more.

October 7, 2016, 4:20 pm
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Jokes about going viral, Donald Trump's very awful awfulness, dating, mosquitoes, and more: here are 25 of the funniest tweets by women this week!

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Article 10

October 7, 2016, 5:00 pm
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15 of the funniest tweets about trying to get your kid to eat something, anything at all.

October 7, 2016, 7:25 pm
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There are pretzel crumbs on the couch, mashed up chicken nuggets on the dining room table, and jam on the bathroom sink. Yet somehow, no food seems to ever enter the mouth of your toddler. These 15 hilarious tweets perfectly capture what it's like to be so frustrated by your toddler's (or big kid's) unwillingness to eat you'll try bribery, fear tactics, and straight-up lying.

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Falling together.

October 7, 2016, 11:30 pm
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Article 7

October 8, 2016, 6:30 am
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GOP strategist Ana Navarro loses it on Trump surrogate who asks she not say Trump's words because her daughter is watching.

October 8, 2016, 7:37 am
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Republican political strategist Ana Navarro emerged as the breakthrough voice of Donald Trump's political implosion on Oct. 7 when Trump surrogate Scottie Nell Hughes asked her to stop quoting Donald because "my daughter is watching." Set off by the hypocrisy of asking someone else not to repeat the words of your candidate that you are on TV defending, Navarro let her have it. (The exchange begins at 0:35):

Navarro: "...and I think that every single Republican is going to have to answer the question 'what did you do the day you saw the tape of this man boasting about grabbing a woman's pussy?'"

Hughes: "Will you please stop saying that word? My daughter is listening."

Navarro: "Well you know what, Scottie, you know what, Scottie? Don't tell me you're offended when I say pussy, but you're not offended when Donald Trump says pussy! I'm not running for president, he is!"

In the crosstalk, Scottie can be heard clarifying that she was also offended by Trump's words, but that it was no excuse to go around saying it over and over on television. This wasn't Navarro's only viral moment of the night. Viewers also widely shared this clip of the GOP strategist calling for Trump to resign, saying he can barely call himself a man, let alone a president:

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