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Lonely guy posts rambling, insanely specific Craigslist ad for a 'writing/life partner.'

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One lonely dude has turned to the internet for help in his quest to find a girlfriend who will also collaborate on a screenplay. And let me tell you, his expectations are high, and extremely specific. You're pretty much applying for a full-time job here. The man posted an ad on Craigslist titled "Looking For A Young Woman Writing/Life Partner." Do you have what it takes? Let's find out.

Our friend here starts out by stating that he is a writer who has "started a million books I haven't finished" and is looking for a partner to write a script for an HBO or Showtime series with. In his words, "No network shit." That's right, ladies. No need to apply if you're looking to write the next Parks And Rec. He has standards. Premium cable standards. Alright?

Now that we've weeded out those basic cable idiots, let's continue reading.

Anyway, I'm looking for the right woman. I'm looking for a woman aged mid twenties to mid thirties who's in the same situation and has the same opinions as me.

Okay, ladies. Anyone who has their own opinions and isn't afraid to express them can head to the door. And as for your "situation":

By "situation" I mean that you be a parent like I am. My daughter doesn't live with me. Her mother is being difficult when it comes to going to court. Long story short, I want to provide for my child just as you want to for your child. I miss my daughter terribly, and it makes the routine of my regular career hard to endure. Focusing on a passion would begin to help me feel better, and if it helps another parent provide for her children, I would be happy about that, too.

Oh, yikes. That's actually really sad. But again, no opinions that differ from his own allowed! Luckily, he provides a comprehensive list of the things he hates, and that you are also required to hate in order to be considered for this position.

Now when it comes to opinions... Well, I'm a conservative agnostic (yes, we do exist). I tend to hate religions, governments, corporations, all politicians, etc. I don't trust people in power and I think most people are just out for themselves as opposed to being morally guided.

I also hate rap, reality television, feminism, social media, watching sports (except pro wrestling) the Black Lives Matter movement, gay marriage, transgender bathroom rights, hearing about Israel and Palestine, political correctness, illegal immigration, censorship, social justice warriors and other stuff, too. (Our television series should attack all of these things with much scorn.)

Sounds fun, doesn't he? Don't worry! There are things he likes, too. It is preferred that you also like these things.

Some things I do like and/or love are my daughter, riding my bicycle, typing words into Google Images and seeing if there's been any memes made about it, classical music, cutting pictures out of magazines and gluing them to boxes and, of course, writing.

Perks of the job include working from his "apartment with a computer" and, evidently, gluing magazine clippings to boxes.

Serious inquiries only.


Sex store manager reveals all the surprising ways his job is super annoying.

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Imgur user Trollgent1 has a day job as the manager of a sex/smoke shop, and he wants you to know it's not as glamorous as it looks. He took to Imgur to share all the harsh realities of life in the butt plug and bong business. His revelations are sure to make you think twice the next time you want to complain that your sex swing didn't come with a stud finder. He covers topics like…

Returns

we don't do them. We will never do them. We can't do them. Every week I see someone come in holding black bags and I start shaking my head visibly at them knowing they won't like what I am gonna say. "NO, I do not care if you were only gone 2 hours. It says it right at the register and I even told you and made sure your toy worked." We don't want it back and you are a idiot for asking or trying.

Language

Language is everything it tells me what you want, but when you ask for it for weed or you need detox because you "need to pass a drug test", you are automatically refused all service. I have had quite a few people scream at me, threaten corporate, to have my job removed, or to "blast us on facebook". Good luck I don't give a shit because why would people defend you for doing illegal crap?

Customer Relations

I am very average looking but even I get hit on A LOT. I am taken with a girlfriend and I don't touch customers. They have tried to touch me. They even ask me to fit them in the fitting room. Everytime I do I always feel like shit is going to go down. No thank you....I'm good. But I secretly do find it flattering from men or women.

Head on over to Trollgent1's post to read his full list of tales, including how meth heads are the politest customers of all. And stay tuned for Part 2, which should be coming soon. Let's hope it includes a section on cleanup.

Acquitted 'Tinder murderer' reportedly leaves bizarre comments on Facebook page about his own trial.

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In October, an Australian man named Gable Tostee, 30, was acquitted in his trial for manslaughter of a New Zealand woman he met on Tinder. He never took the stand in his defense. On Monday, after staying in headlines for weeks after the trial, Tostee apparently joined a Facebook group dedicated to his case and decided to answer questions himself.

Warriena Wright, 26-years-old at the time, died when she fell off Tostee's balcony in 2014. The sensational case was dubbed the "Tinder murder" and included a strange audio recordingTostee apparently made of his final moments with Wright.

He's since changed his name to Eric Thomas on Facebook, but evidently not to avoid notoriety. After his romp through the comments section, Tostee will face criticism for the way he's addressed a grave situation with something less than complete respect for the memory of the deceased, whether he's innocent or not.

For instance, he reportedly responded to this question with a gif:

And seemed to make a joke about his balcony:

The "milkshake" refers to a competitive milkshake drinking competition that Tostee participated in shortly after the conclusion of his trial. You can understand why this guy has captured people's whole-hearted fascination.

As mentioned above, the case has drawn headlines even after the end of the trial. Notably, Tostee's paid interview with Australia's 60 Minutes caused outrage among those who considered it disrespectful to the family of the victim.

Then there was the aforementioned milkshake competition in which he "bizarrely celebrated his freedom from murder accusations by downing a massive milkshake in record time."

An administrator on the Facebook page that hosted Thomas's comments, Olivia McKenzie​, talked to Mashable about how the case has taken off in the public imagination, especially considering all the comments people found from Tostee on bodybuilder forums.

"The Gable case...was huge because he's been online everywhere. He's been on all these forums, not even just Facebook... People had more information that wasn't reported in the trial."

Fox News issued a trigger warning about Santa Claus and people are pissed.

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As the War on Christmas rages, many people need a safe space where they don't have to hear such language as "Happy Holidays" or encounter aggressively secular Starbucks cups. For many, Fox News is the beacon of all that is good, but the happy place was punctured when the network DARED to issue a trigger warning of sorts before a segment on the Totally Real Person, Mr. Santa Claus.

*Existence (The spelling mistake wasn't even what people were upset about)

This warning before sensitive materials has become common in colleges.

The Fox News watchers and Twitter followers were outraged not only by this trigger warning "spoiler alert," but also that the network would DARE to pose a question that made them doubt the sanctity of Santa. Fox News is supposed to be a safe space from such libtard-dom!

They even doubted the discipline of psychology itself. As everyone knows, Sigmund Freud was a cuck.

In conclusion, it's all Killary's fault.

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Fit mom posts her post-Thanksgiving bloated belly to prove she's human.

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Instagram is often a feed full of flat abs and food, and it's hard to imagine that the two lanes meet and the models eat.

Kelsey Wells, a certified personal trainer, Fit Mom, and fitness blogger wanted to show her 609,000 followers that while she is remarkably fit and intimidatingly sculpted, she's also a human woman.

I think it's time for a little #realtalk || I took 3 rest days last week, and my "make the healthy choice most of the time" mantra went completely out the window 3 of the 5 days we were away.😁💁🏻 The 2 full days I had with my guys I really wanted to make the most of. I chose sleeping in and staying in bed snuggling over getting up early and getting my workout in. I chose chocolate chip pancakes over the egg white wrap TWO days in a row for breakfast, because I wanted them and cause they were freaking delicious. I had frozen lemonade on the beach instead of just water, French fries with my dinner both evenings, and ate desert every night. I may not have been my leanest on this trip (junk food makes you bloated- who knew!?😂) BUT, I enjoyed every single second, every single bite, and every single memory. Am I panicked right now? No. Have I lost all progress? No. Am I disappointed in myself? Honestly, I did feel some of those feelings start creepin in on the flight home, but I pushed them right aside because I CHOSE what I chose and I am NOT about to look back on the last few days with anything but gratitude and joy. I am not going to let any form of guilt or regret taint the awesome memories made and the amazing experiences had. This is my LIFE. I strive for a healthy LIFESTYLE, and as I mentioned the other day that encompasses more than just the physical. As we strive to take care of our bodies and work to reach our goals, we need to take care that our efforts don't become obsessive or our goals unrealistic. It would be so tragic if striving to love yourself and better your health resulted in hating yourself for "falling off" because you stopped working out or ate poorly for a few days. Make the healthy choice, but also make the memories! If you're anything like me that will mean finding a balance, allowing yourself occasional indulgences and a lot of grace. So eat the cookie. Or don't eat the cookie. Whatever you do, own it, enjoy it, and continue on. It is about making the healthy choice, but remember the HEALTHIEST choice you can make is to not beat yourself up along the way. 🤗💗 . . #BBG #fit #fitness #fitspo #fitnessmotivation #fitmom #fitfam #fitchick #sweat

A photo posted by Kelsey Wells (@mysweatlife) on

Wells shares that she and her stomach are still susceptible to bloating after eating food.

Remember those extra treats I mentioned?😂 I try to indulge in moderation, but let's be honest I'm human and I love food and that doesn't always happen.😬 // I wanted to post this because I have received more than a few questions lately such as "how do you never look bloated?", "how do you never get zits?", and "how do you not have stretch marks?", ect. First, I definitely do get bloated (☝🏼), I definitely have occasional breakouts (hello hormones), and I actually do have stretch marks (though they have faded). I could give you tips and tricks on how to fight bloating and zits and stretch marks, but I think it's more important for everyone to realize that these things are totally normal! And nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Instagram is often a highlight reel of sorts, and there is nothing wrong with focusing on the positive! But it's so important to keep it real and remember that most the images you see while scrolling (including mine) are people's "best foot forward". Of course I want to take photos in good lighting and show my best angles, but I never want that to be misconstrued as saying I don't have bad ones or never look bloated. EVERYONE is human. Everyone is beautiful. The key is to spend less time picking ourselves apart and more time seeing how beautiful, amazing, and miraculous our bodies are -- bloating, zits, stretch marks, and all.❤️ . . . . #bbgmoms #bbgmums #bbgcommunity #bbg #bbglife #fit #fitchick #fitmom #fitness #fitlife #keepitreal #happy #healthy #bloated #selflove #workout #fitspo #fitspiration #realtalk #fitnessmotivation #motivationmonday

A photo posted by Kelsey Wells (@mysweatlife) on

"Instagram is often a highlight reel of sorts, and there is nothing wrong with focusing on the positive!" She writes in the caption. "But it's so important to keep it real and remember that most the images you see while scrolling (including mine) are people's 'best foot forward.'"

While Wells has the picture-perfect bod, she doesn't want it to make others feel bad about themselves.

|| MY EATING || So many have asked about the food side of this progress, and it is so important for me to cover because your diet is JUST as important as your training, if not more so. TO KNOW ABOUT MY DIET AND HOW I ATE FROM THE FIRST PHOTO THROUGH ROUND 6, PLEASE CLICK THE LINK IN MY BIO. I answered most of your questions in that post. ALSO, I talk about my eating in my BBG history post as well so search that one too if you want more insight behind my first few rounds. I have been experimenting and doing things a little differently the last couple months however, so I will be doing a new food post telling you ALLLL about that next week.🤗 || So here's a look back at my #bbgprogress !! Each photo represents one "round" or 12 weeks of doing @kayla_itsines #bbg training program. I didn't take "proper" progress photos after rounds 2 and 3, as I honestly felt there wasn't much physical change being made and definitely never imagined I would be sharing my journey publicly.😂🙈 None of these photos have been filtered or edited in any way of course, and as you can see I learned that natural lighting is definitely the best (speaking of can we take a sec for that ideal natural lighting situation the day I took my photos after round 5🙌🏼😂). I don't typically show progress pics like this, because honestly the physical differences are hard to see between the last few rounds. Physical progress has definitely been made though (esp on my back side☺️) and my strength and endurance has continued to improve. But how can you keep making progress doing the same program!? Through continuously pushing yourself to your limit. It actually DOESN'T get easier as I get stronger. Because when it does, I keep pushing. I slow it down and increase my weights, or am able to do more rounds of each circuit with higher intensity. If you continue to challenge yourself you will continue to improve, and that is why I fell in love with this style of training. Basically, #bbg is #bae and if you don't know what it is, go stalk @kayla_itsines account and website ASAP.😉 . #transformationtuesday #beforeandafter #fit #fitness #fitspo #workout #fitmom #bbgbabes #bbgmums #bbgmoms #sweat

A photo posted by Kelsey Wells (@mysweatlife) on

“But I never want that to be misconstrued as saying I don't have bad ones or never look bloated. EVERYONE is human. Everyone is beautiful. The key is to spend less time picking ourselves apart and more time seeing how beautiful, amazing, and miraculous our bodies are — bloating, zits, stretch marks, and all,” she writes.

Take everything with a grain of salt. But know that if you eat the salt, you might get bloated, but that's okay.

GoFundMe raises thousands for Michael's employee berated by angry, racist shopper.

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The holidays are really tough for some people. Of course, that doesn't give them the right to make them tough for other people, like this woman who felt perfectly okay screaming at employees (and basically everyone else) in a Michael's craft store in Chicago. But all's well that ends well, because the woman who filmed the rant, Jessica Grady, set up a GoFundMe page for the calm and collected store manager who had to deal with this hot mess, asking for $400, and it has since reached over $22,000.

In Grady's video, the angry woman swears in front of kids in the store and yells at the employees, calling them liars and accusing them (black women) of discriminating against her (a white woman). Ohhh, right, they're the real racists, got it. She went on and on for at least 10 minutes, and even called the cops (several times, apparently).

In her tirade, this unidentified woman mentions that she was mad that the manager wouldn't reprimand an employee who the woman felt was yelling at her.

Things got worse when the screaming lady's items wouldn't fit into a regular store bag, and the cashier offered to sell her a reusable bag instead. Well, that did not sit well with this person, who started exclaiming, inexplicably, that she voted for Trump, and that now everyone was ganging up on her (which they clearly were not). Okay, yikes.

After Grady stopped recording the woman on her phone, she spoke to the store manager (who can be heard off-camera trying to calm the riled shopper down), and ended up setting up the GoFundMe for her. The page, which she called "Stand Strong Against Racism," has passed its original goal of $400 by over $21,000. Grady explained the reason she set started the fund, writing,

All proceeds from this gofundme will be given to this employee, who has three children, to try to make her busy holiday season brighter. In the current climate I believe it’s very important that we go out of our way to treat each other with dignity, kindness and politeness, and that we stand up for each other when we see people being mistreated.

It is true, we are all human, and this irate and unreasonable shopper doesn't get to decide that some of us are not.


Don't call Serena Williams the best female tennis player in the world.

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Serena Williams wrote an open letter for Porter Magazine addressed to "all incredible women who strive for excellence." The letter, republished byThe Guardian, acknowledges the sexism that Williams has faced in her quest to become the greatest tennis player—not just the greatest female tennis player— of all time.

The letter starts by saying:

When I was growing up, I had a dream. I’m sure you did, too. My dream wasn’t like that of an average kid, my dream was to be the best tennis player in the world. Not the best “female” tennis player in the world.

NYC! @NikeCourt

A photo posted by Serena Williams (@serenawilliams) on

Williams also discusses the wage gap that she and many other women experience firsthand (yes, the wage gap is real, no matter how many people try to dismiss it), as well as acknowledging that her race made her goals even harder to achieve. Williams went on to write about how women athletes are often hailed as the best of their gender, but rarely are given accolades like male athletes are.

People call me one of the “world’s greatest female athletes”. Do they say LeBron is one of the world’s best male athletes? Is Tiger? Federer? Why not? They are certainly not female. We should never let this go unchallenged. We should always be judged by our achievements, not by our gender.

If you are looking for your daily dose of inspiration and empowerment, you can read her letter in full here.

Store thought it was a good idea to sell 'Nutzy' smoothies with swastikas on them.

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Nin Com Soup, a shop at the Old Street Tube Station in London, was selling a disgusting smoothie of almond milk, vegan protein, peanut butter, banana, lacuma, maca, and honey. Oh, and it wasn't disgusting just because of the ingredients, but also because it was branded as a "Nutzy" smoothie with a swastika on the label.

Yum!

Who wouldn't want to stay hydrated with the Holocaust?

The Coalition Against Antisemitism reports that the store manager insisted "that it was an inverted swastika which was a Hindu symbol of health and prosperity, which is indeed right but the swastika was not inverted, and the Hindu sign includes dots within the symbol."

Sorry dude (and sorry Hindus), but the image of the swastika hasn't been associated with Hindus to non-Hindus since 1939.

It gets worse. When the woman pointed out that "nutzy" sounds a WHOLE LOT like Nazi, "he said it was a play on ‘having the nuts’, meaning ‘having the courage’ and was a pun as the drink contains nuts."

Even with that factoid, the manager was not sympathetic:

I told him how offensive that was for certain people. He asked why I would find that so offensive, to which I responded that I lost my family to the Nazi regime and that despite the Hindu use of the symbol, this along with the name of the drink was extremely offensive. He said that London is a free city.

71 years after World War II, the Nazis are invading the Allies with swastikas on smoothies in London and on parks in New York.

What's next: the "Auschwitz on Ice!" Figure Skating Spectacular?

Oh. It's been done.

Jennifer Lopez posted a sweet Instagram of her daughter and she looks like a tiny J. Lo.

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Jennifer Lopez shared a very sweet, very motherly Instagram photo of her eight-year-old daughter Emme on Monday. And while the image and its caption were certainly delightful, the internet has immediately seized on one particular detail—this kid looks exactly like her mom.

I ❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️ THIS FACE #mybaby #coconut #marshmallowprincess #lulu

A photo posted by Jennifer Lopez (@jlo) on

Here's Lopez again, for reference:

It's uncanny.

And here's Emme's father, singer Marc Anthony:

I don't see it.

Now here they are together:

It seems like all of Lopez's genes are dominant. Of course.

Can we be certain this kid isn't just a clone of J. Lo? I know human cloning is illegal and has never been done (officially), but if anyone had access to that kind of technology, it would be a celebrity of Lopez's caliber. And if that is the explanation, then we're for it. The world needs more J. Los.

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Calvin Harris got his fans to help him change his profile pic and ended up with a Picasso (kind of).

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BREAKING NEWS: Calvin Harris changed his profile pic on Twitter last night. Just when you thought this news cycle couldn't get any crazier! But wait, there's more. Because he's famous (for surviving Taylor Swift among other things), the Scottish DJ asked his 9 million Twitter followers to help him out. They were more than willing to oblige, although maybe not in the way he intended.

Check out the creative (and not entirely PG) buffet of photos he had to choose from and see if you can guess which one he picked (hint: it's not the giant dildo).

It all began as a quest for something "less serious":

Dillon Francis went for it:

Okay.

Other fans dredged up relics from the DJ's past (and maybe his high school yearbook??):

This is funny:

Calvin agreed.

This is my personal fave:

One follower got artsy, and apparently saw deep into Calvin's soul:

Because this is the one he chose.

If only the legendary Picasso knew the role he played in guiding one man's journey towards the perfect Twitter profile pic. The Parisian painter would have been so proud.

Ex-Scientologist Leah Remini opens up about drama with Tom Cruise and other celebs.

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King of Queens star Leah Remini used to be a Scientologist. She's not anymore, and for good reason. Remini is producing an eight-part documentary series on A&E called Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, where she and other former Scientologists are opening up about the abuses they suffered while they were involved with the church.

She recently sat down with The Hollywood Reporter and talked about some of her experiences with Scientology, including the pressure she received from church officials and even her fellow celebs.

Remini recalled one instance where church officials called her and pressured her to use her influence to get CBS (the network King Of Queens aired on) exec Les Moonves and ask him to kill a 60 Minutes report. You know who else was on that call? Tom Cruise.

"Tom is very protected in the church and the church will go to any means to ensure that he stays in," she said.

When Remini failed to convince Moonves to squash the report, she called back and told them that she'd tried. "They just weren’t happy that I couldn’t squash the story. I said, “I’m just a f—ing actress on television and I can’t demand that my boss take a f—ing report off the air,” she recalled.

Remini also recounted how the church interfered with her job on King Of Queens. When asked if the church involved itself in her career dealings, she responded:

You have to go in [to the church] every single day, so yes. It’s always, “Why are you not getting Kevin James in? You’re not setting a good example. You’re not getting the director in.” There was always pressure to make a Scientologist out of the people you were working with.

Remini says she never brought the subject up with James and that he was "always very respectful" of her beliefs.

You can read her full interview over at The Hollywood Reporter.

Watching November's funniest news bloopers will help you forget what a bummer the real news is.

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For many people, November 2016 has been the worst month in the worst year in living memory. You can't even look at the news/internet/world without falling into a deep depression. But there's one treatment that cures all ills: news bloopers. There's something about seeing well-dressed anchors turn into giggling fools when one of them accidentally says "boner" that just soothes the soul.

Watch it a few dozen times and you might forget about this miserable year for good.


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YouTuber blocking NYC traffic to pose with his sports car learns why that's a bad idea.

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Vlogger Coby Persin, a strong contender for the vaunted title of Most Annoying Person on YouTube, decided to block traffic in Midtown Manhattan on Monday so he could pose with his sports car for a photo shoot. He and his companion ignored the many honks from angry New Yorker drivers, but then one particularly furious individual decided to show his displeasure in a way they couldn't ignore—with a baseball bat.

Now let's be clear—there's no excuse to smash someone's windshield. That being said, this is damn satisfying to watch.

This is why New York is the greatest city in the world.

You can soon watch Reese Witherspoon and Taylor Swift 24/7, if that’s what you’re in to.

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Do you suffer daily from a dearth of videos of Taylor Swift playing piano with her cats? Do you lie awake at night thinking "I want some fresh Reese Witherspoon content, and I want it NOW"? Then here's some exciting news (but only for you): the pop star and actress are going to each have their own channel on a new streaming service called DirecTV Now, which launches tomorrow, Variety reports. To quote T-Swift: "Oh my gosh no wayyyyy!!!"

According to Variety,Swift and Witherspoon will each have their own channel streaming their own original content on DirecTV Now, a new streaming service launched by AT&T and DirecTV. The aptly named "Taylor Swift Now channel" will include "videos, concert performances, behind-the-scenes footage, and more from Swift’s archives," Variety reports.

Here's a sneak peak:

On a (only slightly) different note, Witherspoon’s "Hello Sunshine" channel will "focus on female-centric programs, including acquired movies and series, and will serve up an original series featuring Witherspoon."

If you're part of either of these stars' legions of fans, then you should definitely sign up for DirecTV Now. Personally, I fall asleep just thinking about watching Taylor Swift or Reese Witherspoon doing practically anything. But to each their own.

When Britney has her own channel? Then we'll talk.

These 'holiday ninjas' help the homeless but for purely 'selfish' reasons.

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A 26-year-old YouTube star and his friends roam the streets dressed like ninja warriors. But before you roll your eyes all the way to the back of your head, these guys are actually helping homeless people—while dressed in full ninja garb, hiding behind plants and leap frogging through the streets. Because why not?

Comedian and YouTube star Ryan Higa, along with a band of friends, has found a creative way to deliver food and clothing to people in need. And they do deliver! I can't even be jealous of their YouTube fame. This video is too hilarious and awesome.

Check it out:

Refreshingly, Higa expresses a total lack of self-righteousness. "I’m actually very selfish if you think about it,” he says in the video. “I’m not doing it to help other people. I’m doing it to make me feel good ... It just so happens that this selfish thing that I’m doing has a byproduct that makes others feel good.”

They then encourage others to follow their lead and "be selfish" this holiday season. It's great advice! And also a good reminder that Christmas is not just about buying useless crap online. Christmas is about helping people, while wearing a ski mask and hiding in the bushes. But don't forget the part about helping people or else you're just a creep.

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