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5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Donald Trump, because everyone is mad at him except Russia.

Nobody understands him except Vlad.

There's still more than a month to go before Donald Trump is sworn in as president (so savor every moment). But despite having no power yet, he's still managing to make enemies faster than any president since Nixon. In the past week, his camp has been rocked by CIA revelations that Russian hackers conspired to help him get elected.

That comes in addition to separate controversies over pretty much all of his cabinet appointees, and outrage from environmental groups over his continued denial of climate change. And now, China is furious with him for cozying up to Taiwan. In times like this, a leader like Trump has only one response: slamming journalists on Twitter.

It's nice to know that no matter how hard things get, our future president will always be ready to throw a tantrum.


4. Bill Cosby, because he's getting desperate to keep his ass out of court.

His past is catching up with him. And I'm not talking about the Fat Albert movie.

After successfully keeping his habit of drugging and assaulting women a secret for decades, you can't be surprised that Bill Cosby expects to get away with a lot. But those days are done, and now America's Disgraced Dad is being forced to do things he swore he would never do in order to stay out of jail—like copping a plea.

Although he has always maintained he's innocent (despite allegations from more than 50 women), Cosby is reportedly seeking a plea deal to keep his current case (the 2004 assault of a former Temple University student) out of court. A source close to the former Cosby Show star/current rapist told The New York Post, "He and his family, including his wife, Camille, are adamant that Bill won’t be able to convince a jury to let him off​."

Yeah, that seems like a safe bet. He comes off as pretty damn guilty. But now he has to convince a judge to take his side. How ironic that a guy who was once the most beloved man in America can't find a friend to help him in his time of need. I guess that's just what happens when you rape more than 50 people.


3. The actress who played Cindy Brady, because she was fired for being a homophobe.

You can see why the alt-right love her.

From 1969-1974, actress Susan Olsen played Cindy Brady, the adorable, pigtailed youngest daughter on The Brady Bunch. But now it turns out those pigtails may have been cutting off the circulation to her brain, because in the decades since, she's turned into a major gay-bashing hatemonger. And as Us Weekly reports, now it's cost her her radio job.

Susan Olsen in a slightly more recent photo.

Last Wednesday, Olsen was cohosting LA Talk Radio's Two Chicks Talkin' Politics segment, and speaking with openly gay actor Leon Acord-Whiting. The segment became heated, with Olsen vocally praising Donald Trump, and Acord-Whiting disagreeing. But the real fireworks didn't start until after they were off the air. Later that day, Acord-Whiting called for Olsen to be fired in a scathing Facebook post, accusing her of spewing "idiotic lies," including that:

Being a liberal and a patriot are mutually exclusive? Hillary is causing the protests & hate crimes? The Koran is a political tract?

Olsen responded with her own Facebook post, calling Acord-Whiting a "little piece of human waste." And that was nothing compared to the private message she sent to him, which Acord-Whiting immediately shared, of course:

Hey there little p**sy, let me get my big boy pants on and Reallly take you on!!! What a snake in the grass you are you lying piece of s**t too cowardly to confront me in real life so you do it on Facebook. You are the biggest f****t ass in the world the biggest p**sy! My D**k is bigger than yours Which ain't sayin much! What a true piece of s**t you are! Lying f****t! I hope you meet your karma SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY.

So sad. Cindy always seemed like the normal one. LA Talk Radio announced it was firing Olsen on Friday.

What would Florence Henderson think if she had lived to see this? At least she was spared the humiliation of seeing her fake daughter fallen so low.


2. Some idiot who pulled a BB gun on a former pro wrestler.

Alcohol, and the want of alcohol, can make people do some stupid stuff. But you know you should quit when you find yourself trying to threaten a WWE star with a fake gun.

TMZ reports than on Saturday night in Coral Springs, FL, a man at a convenience store happened to run into former WWE wrestler Shad Gaspard. He walked up to Gaspard and said, "Hey man, buy me a beer." When the wrestler responded, "There's a better way to ask than that," this fool pulled a "gun" on him. That's when Gaspard's ring-tested reflexes kicked in.

It was hard for us to get Gaspard's whole arm in the picture.

The 6'7", almost 300-pound athlete immediately grabbed the weapon and slammed the guy against a cooler door. It was only afterward that he realized it was a BB gun. Instead of crushing the man's head in frustration, he simply held him on the ground until the police showed up. (He probably only needed one hand.)

Despite only having a toy guy, the perp was arrested for robbery with a weapon. But at least in jail, he'll be away from any wrestlers who are likely to beat him into a thin pulp.


1. A package thief who unwittingly stole a box of dog poop.

Mike Zaremba of Riverside, CA was tired of having packages stolen from his doorstep by some sticky-fingered goon. After the third instance, he decided to get revenge using the only weapon he had on hand: lots and lots of dog poop.

He and his wife invited seven or eight dogs over for their Great Dane's birthday party, and saved every deuce they dopped over the course of the day. Then Zaremba carefully placed all the nuggets into a FedEx box, taped it up, and left it on the porch. He even set up a camera to film the thief taking the bait.

With the help of the video, Riverside police eventually tracked down the poop-nabber, one Daniel Aldama (although they probably just could have put out an APB for a man dry-heaving continuously). Officer Ronel Newton told KCBS-TV,

He dropped it as soon as he found out. He didn’t want nothing to do with it and kept on riding.

Unfortunately for him, that box of poo was now evidence. Evidence that he's a dumbass.


Woman tweets epic, bittersweet tale as she tries to hook up with her attractive Uber driver.

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You can either sit quietly in an Uber staring at your phone and hoping the driver doesn't talk to you or—hold on, there's another option?

Well yeah, apparently some people are so willing to make small talk in their app-cabs that they actually hope the relationship moves from small talk to medium talk to pillow talk.

And because live-tweeted dating misadventures are the world's fastest growing literary genre, you can now enjoy this tale, tweeted by @KelliAmirah, about her Uber pickup turned hopeful hookup. Get a cup of coffee, sit back, and get into it.

This is a classic George Costanza move, and it's called "the leave-behind."

"If there's any doubt, I do a leave-behind," says George in the 142nd (!!!) episode of Seinfeld. "Keys, gloves, scarf—I go back to her place to pick it up. Date number two."

@KelliAmirah executes it perfectly, but with a modern twist: the charger.

At this point, all she wants is her charger back. But this is high drama. And in any great novel, once Checkhov's charger is introduced, it must return later in the story.

Now she's thinking she'll get the charger and possibly connect with this guy. Is she getting cocky? Will Kelli hook up with the Uber driver and charge her phone? Stay tuned to find out!

This would have been a perfect ending. We'd be left to wonder how the date went, if they were perfect for each other, and if they'd have an incredible story to tell their kids one day. But of course, no.

The band played on.

Article 22

Eek. The McDonald’s holiday cups sure can look X-rated.

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'Tis the season to be jolly—and well, think dirty.

McDonald's, in their journey to compete with Starbucks for a fancy-ish coffee experience, has debuted a special holiday cup to stir up some controversy of its own. With the snow pouring down, people are hiding their heads in the gutter.

A simple addition to the thumbs turns the mittens into, well, a butt. A very enthusiastic butt.

Start *spreading* the news...

It's all very cheeky.

McDonald's has yet to respond to being the butt of the joke.

Mom buys a boxed Christmas tree from Argos, opens it and laughs and laughs and laughs.

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There's a retailer in the U.K. called Argos, and if you ever buy anything there, it probably shouldn't be a Christmas tree.

A mom named Zoe McAllister couldn't wait to provide her 11-month-old daughter with a picturesque first Christmas, but the tree she bought wasn't quite bursting with elven magic/Christmas cheer/Santa's merry laugh.

It was more a reject tree of pure sadness and false advertising.

EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY!! I actually laughed at this 'tree' for about 15 minutes. Looks like I'm off to buy a new tree at the weekend 😂😂😂 Tasha Whyte Andrew Mcallister

Posted by Zoe McAllister on Wednesday, December 7, 2016

To be fair, this tree deserves a happy Christmas, as well. But not at McAllister's house. It deserves a merry holiday with its own family of misshapen, poorly realized plastic things hastily shoved in cardboard boxes.

Of course, the tree looked great on the box. So McAllister got in touch with Argos, writing: "I purchased the tree on the left from one of your stores. As you can see from my picture on the right it looks NOTHING like the advertisement on the box."

"I have a feeling half of my tree has been left in the factory?"

She also nailed the pun: "No amount of sprucing can fix this."

Boom, bang, give her a refund.

Argos has done so, saying"As soon as we became of this issue we contacted Miss McAllister and offered her a full refund and a gesture of good will, which she has gladly accepted."

Article 19

IKEA renamed some of their products to reflect your deepest fears.

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A new advertising scheme has IKEA renaming their products to reflect your deepest fears and relationship problems, like your fear of your marriage falling apart or your concern that you can't get your children to eat right. After years of making fun of the weird IKEA names, IKEA names are now making fun of you.

While this seems like a sinister plot to exacerbate an already stressful day of shopping in the world's largest blue and yellow maze, the renaming is mostly for online customers. IKEA chose the most common Google searches related to your deepest fears so that they will come up when you search for them.

For example, if you Google, "He doesn't text me back," IKEA is hoping the search will return this USB charger.

Seems like people who DO get texts back would need a charger more, but that's none of my business.

Or if you Google why your kids won't eat their vegetables.

When children won't eat vegetables, get them to eat plush toys!

Or, say, if your friend "only talks about himself."

My friend only talks about himself, so now I stare at my reflection all day.

These products are all listed on a separate website, "Ikea Retail Therapy," but when you click on an item, you will directed to that product on IKEA's regular website under the products original name.

Other relationship problems solved by IKEA items include:

"My Partner Snores": a single daybed.

"How To Say I'm Not Interested" : a garlic press

"My Girlfriend Won't Do The Dishes": built-in dishwasher.

Strangely, none of their products have been newly named "Spending A Day With My Partner At IKEA."


11 people shared the weirdest and funniest gifts they ever got from their parents.

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The holiday season is upon us, and that means soon we'll all be gathered with our family exchanging gifts to show our love and appreciation for one another. Inevitably, that means we'll all be receiving some wonderfully wacky presents from all of our favorite, well-meaning relatives, including our parents. We asked our readers to share the weirdest, silliest, and most adorable presents they've ever received from their parents.

Man, you guys have some funny parents. Here are 11 of the best responses.

1. Glad to see that Leah from Facebook's dad shares my love of giving people presents with pictures of my face on them. (IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY.)

It's more funny than weird. When I was in my final year of grad school, we were finished opening gifts and my dad hands me an envelope and starts giving a speech about how proud he is of me for all my hard work and so on. I opened the envelope and card inside of it. Inside the card was a Visa gift card with a giant picture of my dad's face on it. I'm pretty sure both of us were laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. The best part using it at the store because the cashiers would always laugh.

2. Maybe Amanda M's mom thought she would like to wear these ironically?

My mom got me a pair of pajama bottoms that has "I ❤️ boys" all over them.

I'm a lesbian and she knew that.

And I was 27 at the time

3. James' dad created a lot of suspense for what turned out to be a pretty crappy gift. (GET IT?! I'll see myself out.)

One year my dad found it hilarious to get me all excited about this one present. So, I was thinking I got something awesome, like a Walkman or keys to a car.... Nope, it was a pile of rubber dog shit.

4. Jade had a pretty great story about what her grandmother got her dad for Christmas. We may never know what the reasoning behind this was.

Not my parents, but my dads mum got him a leopard print man thong for Christmas with no explanation or comment other than "Did you all like your gifts?" to which everyone knows the only appropriate answer is "Yes". It's not even like shes one of those little old ladies who is losing her mental ability that we can excuse as a senile moment. She's totally with it and the rest of us got appropriate gifts!

5. Devon's mom doesn't just give gifts, she gives life lessons.

My sister had a horrible habit of leaving her stuff lay around or in her unlocked car so for 3 years my mom " stole " everything she found just laying around or in the unlocked car to teach her a lesson and for her 18th bday that's what she got was a box full of all the stuff mom stole from her over the years lol

6. I agree, Teresa. That is pretty weird.

My Mom gave me underpants and a bag of tomatoes for my 21st birthday. That was pretty weird.

7. Susan's dad takes the cake in practical dad gifts.

One time my Dad got me a set of torches. Another he got me a chain saw. He thought the were great gifts. My Dad. Miss him bunches.

8. Maybe Amanda in Arkansas' dad should have just sat them both down for a talk?

I got married right before Christmas when I was 19. We were both virgins when we got hitched. After the wedding, my dad pulls me into a bedroom at my house and whips out a present. I open it and it was a porn video! He said he was just trying to help in case we didn't know what to do. Awkward doesn't even come close!

9. Hayley's mother was only 7 years too early with the baby gifts.

The first Christmas my husband and I were together, my mum gave us a diaper bag. We had been dating 7 months. We've now been together for 7.5 years and are currently expecting our first.

10. Let's all just be grateful that Nicole's dad didn't pick out the "under stuffs" himself.

Awkward dad gift.

My dad doesn't buy clothes for people as a rule. He's terrible at guessing sizes and his fashion sense, well, unless it's sports themed, it sucks!

So one bright Christmas morning (I think I was about 18 or 19) I open up a tiny tiny package that seemed to be filled only with newspaper and magazine bits. No. It was a gift card. But taped to it were pictures of bra and panty clad models.

"Go buy some new under stuffs" he says to me.

Wow, dad. The gift of possible underwear. Just what I wanted from dear old dad.

11. Technically not her own parent, but we couldn't leave out this insane, slightly creepy, truly amazing gift that Victoria from Facebook got from her mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law gave me a drawing of her cuddling (breastfeeding?) her son......

Wishing you and yours a happy holiday season filled with super weird presents.

Ellen couldn’t contain herself during Amy Schumer’s extremely graphic food poisoning story.

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Amy Schumer charmed Ellen DeGeneres with the tale of food poisoning in Paris that made Ellen squirm in her seat like Amy had to squirm on the toilet.

Schumer and her boyfriend Ben Hanisch took a romantic trip to the City of Light that quickly tested their love at both ends.

Though Ellen has probably heard all the diarrhea diaries over her years as a comic, she couldn't handle Schumer's tale and her impression of a butt trumpet and almost needed her own whicker basket to barf in.

The romantic vacation was chronicled on Instagram, sans butt trumpet, but Schumer still couldn't help but do schtick from her hospital bed.

Thanks for everything Paris! Except the food poisoning. #nooooooooooo #balmain #nyfw

A photo posted by @amyschumer on

Pretty fired up to meet someone

A video posted by @amyschumer on

Love means never having to say, "Close the bathroom door."

Article 15

Article 14

17 of the most wildly amusing gag gifts ever brought to a gift swap.

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If you're the type of person racking your brain to come up with the perfect gift—stop. Just stop. Every idea you've ever had is trash compared to the gag gifts the People of the Internet come up with, execute perfectly, and then share on Reddit for all of us to marvel at. These may have been intended as joke gifts, but some of them are actually great ideas. Take inspiration. You will not come up with anything better.

1. ScoutManDan was puzzled over a puzzle, then kept the puzzle.

We had one manager called Simon that should never ever have been allowed to manage a team. He was a bumbler, didn't know the job, didn't know how to motivate people and was just awful. Nice guy outside work, but clearly out of his depth.

I need you to picture this guy in your mind. He's overweight, balding, glasses and peeking out from the collar of his shirts is an overwhelming about of chest/back hair- it's like he's got a jumper attached to his skin.

I opened my present in front of the office. It was a Jigsaw, of one of Simon's private holiday photos, topless, in a pool with a Dolphin. Emblazoned across it was "Merry Christmas, love from Simon xxx"

I opened it to a bit of general hilarity from those around me. I smiled, despite the slight nausea and held it up.

"Guess I figured out who my secret santa is then? Thanks Simon. I think."

"What? I didn't buy that, I got Dave! Who the fucks got hold of my photos?"

I still to this day do not know who bought that gift.

2. CheetosChickenFrys got the gift that keeps on giving (until you cancel it)!

Last year I received a trashy romance novel called "Pleasing Her Seal" (double entendra on point, dude was a navy seal). But, bonus, the gift giver also figured out all the information he needed to subscribe me to the book club, so the real surprise came a month later, when I received 3 more trashy novels at my doorstep, and the next month, until I had to call them and cancel.

I now have a collection of smut.

3. This guy needs an update.

A brand new unopened copy of Windows 95 (in 2014)

4. Lukebr4 is super jealous, because porn ain't free (in a thousand, a million other places).

I witnessed a coworker receive a subscription to pornhub and a box of tissues in the middle of a busy office. Lucky bastard.

5. Mr_Funnybones has a similar problem.

My coworker gave my other coworker a pocket pussy because he thought everyone would be opening their presents privately. We had to sit in a circle while we took turns opening our presents. The crazy shenanigans that unfolded is something that I'll always laugh at.

6. Wamorgan29 has a great tip, but it's not for everyone.

A few years back my father in law lost the tip of his finger when trying to fix the garage door. They were able to save it and it was given away at our family white elephant exchange. Now that was messed up, but the following year the Uncle that had "won" it brought it back. This time though it was encased in resin and placed in a shadow box with text saying "You've been given the finger." My father in law won it again and now refuses to put it back into the gift exchange.

7. Lazoord has a pretty time-intensive prank that's fun for the whole family (except the uncle).

One year we wrapped up half my uncles wardrobe individually and presented it to him as if they were gifts of new clothes. It was fun watching him do the whole fake surprise thing, and then see him grow skeptical, and then realise what is going on. He proceeded to have to unwrap everything so that he could put it back.

8. And here's a prank from religiousgrandpa that's a little more R-rated.

I gave one of my good friends a normal gift with a card. She opened the gift and read the card which said, "If you don't like this gift, there's another one for you in your car." I put the other gift, wrapped neatly in a box, in the back seat of her car. When she got the chance, she opened the second gift and read the card. The second gift was a big, black dildo the size of a lumberjack's forearm. The card said, "If you don't like the first gift, you can go fuck yourself."

We both got a laugh out of it.

9. Yup, time to go buy one of these. Thanks Sporgi.

I ALWAYS buy my wife at least one gag gift a year.

So this year I bought her a "Peequality" - - - it's a device that allows her to stand up while she pees. Almost like a plastic dick funnel.

EDIT: Link for the lazy.... or for any ladies looking to stand when they pee

Pretty self explanatory how this thing works.

10. Alright, Auntbabe's is hard to replicate.

A framed and mounted taxadermied mouse skin (sans head and feet). Complete with a tag with the latin name.

During the White Elephant my son watched that thing like a hawk and as soon as he unwrapped his gift he traded it for the mouse. He was the happiest 6 year old in the room.

11. All you need is an expensive box, according to cosmicdebriz.

The most depressing one I've heard about is when my boyfriend, as a kid, received a scratch lottery ticket packaged in a Playstation box. Obviously, he didn't win anything.

12. Yup, time to go buy one of these. Thanks, dont_drink_the_milk.

I've had a lot of fun giving the"World's Okayest Girlfriend" and "World's Okayest Boss" coffee mugs from Worlds Okayest.

If you give them to the right person the reaction can be hilarious. For instance, I bought one for my boss and left it on his desk without a card or anything. He spent the entire day wondering who gave it to him and if it was a joke or not.

It wasn't, he's a terrible boss.

They have them for every "okayest" person in your life.

13. Now this is just adorable, from _Polite_.

My mum once found a shitty little charm bracelet in the street in Ireland, in the gutter, covered in mud. She cleaned it, wrapped it up and gave it to my brothers fiancé for Christmas that year. Now, every year, they gift it back to each other every Christmas. This has been going on for nearly 10 years.

14. Straydog1980 has either the funniest or most passive aggressive grandma.

GrandMother in law gave my dad combs for a number of years. He'd maintained a shaved head since before he got married to my mom.

15. Yourdungeonmaster's takes effort and execution, but the pay off is also not worth it.

Dude brought a huge box, like big enough for a dorm refrigerator plus packing material. It was wrapped and had a bow on top, but the top was bulging a bit, and every so often it seemed to move on its own. When the package was finally unwrapped, it was revealed that the box had not been taped shut. The flaps parted to release a bunch of helium balloons which rose slowly toward the ceiling, carrying a very large pair of red, silk, women's panties beneath them.

16. This seems expensive and time-consuming all for a joke, so bravo, Back2Bach!

Some students got together and bought the crabby old nun that ran the confirmation class an "African Grey" parrot that had been taught an extensive repertoire of cuss words and obscene phrases.

They thought it would scandalize her. Instead, she later said she loved it and that the cussing parrot was a "conversation piece" in the convent.

17. And let's end with perhaps the cruelest prank of all. Thank you, Kolada.

I've never done this, but only because I don't have the balls. I always wanted to give some baby clothes to my brother and his girlfriend at family Christmas. When they open it and give you a wierd look you say, "oh my God, you haven't told mom and dad? I'm so sorry." and then just watch the chaos for 30 seconds or so. Either everyone gets a good laugh or people never talk to you again.

Pastor tells kids waiting to see mall Santa that Santa isn't real. Chaos ensues.

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The "War on Christmas" is being fought single-handedly by a Texas pastor who decided to get into the Christmas spirit by ruining the holiday for a bunch of kids. David Grisham, an Evangelical preacher, filmed himself going to a mall where kids and their parents were waiting to see Santa, then he proceeded to shout at them about how Santa "isn't real" or some bullshit. Not cool, bro.

“I’m at the mall in Amarillo Texas, and I’m going to tell the children the truth – that there is no Santa Clause," says the Evangelical pastor, David Grisham, in a video he uploaded to Facebook. “Christmas is about Jesus Christ – and that Jesus died on the cross to pay for their sins. So here we go, I’m going to tell, them the truth.”

Not surprisingly, it didn't go over well. Chaos ensues as parents swarm Grisham and try to protect their kids from the "truth." The Facebook video was viewed nearly 3 million times before Grisham took it down. But you can watch it here:

“The man you’re going to see today is just a man in a suit, dressed up like Santa, but Santa does not exist," Grisham warns the awestruck children in the video. "Santa’s not real. And parents, you all need to stop lying to your children and telling them that Santa Claus is real when in fact he’s not.”

The parents fought back. "I’ve got my kids over there, we don’t need you coming over here blabbing whatever it is you’re blabbing,” says one dad. When he put his hand on Grisham's shoulder, Grisham claims he is being "assaulted."

Grisham seems to love the truth to so I'm going to be straight with him. Buddy, I if you're reading this, you're a huge bummer. Let the kids (and some adults) believe in Santa. And we'll let you believe in Jesus. K?

This drawing student trolled her professor by hiding a secret message in her final project.

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This is 20-year-old fashion design student Lama Ali.

"Single black female addicted to retail."

It's finals week at Virginia Commonwealth University, and Ali was assigned three final projects for her fashion design class all due on the same day. Instead of crumbling under the pressure, she used the stress to inspire her work by hiding the message "You got me fucked up" to her professor within one of her projects.


"After being on maximum overdrive for that long, the only thing that kept repeating in my head was 'you got me fucked up,'' she told BuzzFeed News. "And then I decided to write it in sign language so it would be less detectible."

She said that she thought it would just get "a couple of giggles," but in the few days since she posted it, people were "screaming" over the image, and it was shared over 47,000 times.

Some people had trouble seeing it, so here's each letter written over their signs.

Any time you pair pettiness with beauty, you're gonna end up with people throwing money at you. Ali became bombarded with a deluge of requests to buy.

She didn't waste time. Ali already smartly already has shirts ready for sale. Looks like this degree is paying off before she even graduates.

If she doesn't get an "A" on this assignment, then who cares? She's gonna be rich!


Drunk boyfriend goes viral for trying annoyingly hard to make it up to his girlfriend.

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When Jodie Duncan's boyfriend came home super-drunk one night after his friend's birthday party, she was pretty bummed.

Duncan and her dude, Kieron Cameron, had plans to hang out that night, and she was disappointed that he was out of it.

Cameron felt so bad, he messaged her. A lot. On every possible platform, like a good millennial. (Except LinkedIn, because LinkedIn's for nerds.)

Cameron came back from the birthday and let’s just say he was a little drunk, and apparently felt pretty bad about it. He ended up messaging Duncan. Like, a bunch.

Cameron upped the ante with another apology worth exactly £10.00, or 12.68 US dollars.

It even says "r u angry at me" on the gift card.

Plus, he put his mouth where his money is and tried to get sober real fast.

The eager apology struck a chord with people, scoring over 29,000 retweets. A lot of them were likely hoping their own significant others would see them and take note.

“I only posted it to Twitter thinking our friends would get a laugh out of it,” Duncan told BuzzFeed, “Loads of people think it’s cute and are quoting it saying ‘goals’ or whatever, which is nice.”

Oh, young love.

Even if he didn't mean it, I'd accept any apology that makes my tweet go viral.

Article 9

Guy rejected on OKCupid goes on insane rant that lasts for hours.

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Redditor Inspirations365 recently had one of the worst online dating experiences we've ever seen, and while it must have been scary to live through, we're definitely happy he shared it on Reddit. This text rant is chock-full of textbook red flags. It should probably be shown in middle school sex ed classes, as an example of what to watch out for in a date.

Inspirations365 met a man on OKCupid, and everything seemed chill at first. They exchanged numbers, and "Drew" began texting him regularly. A little too regularly. He explained what happened to a curious commenter:

The backstory is that I was talking to a guy I thought I might be interested in that I found online. Things were going okay at first, but then he started incessantly texting me. All day, every day. It's annoying, but I figured it would die down over time.

Well, one day I'm driving myself and my coworkers back from lunch and he sent me a message that I couldn't respond to right away, like 20 minutes tops. I got a passive aggressive text saying I could have called him if I couldn't text if I was driving (yes, really), but I didn't respond to that foolishness. The first text you see is what he put after that.

And these texts are something else. Inspirations365 uploaded the entire rant to Imgur, collected in 24 staggering screenshots. He titled the album "Don't respond to crazy," and we can't disagree.

Does reading that make you want to never date again? Then our work is done. Stay safe out there.

Guy reaches epic levels of petty revenge against a company that tried to cheat him of prize money.

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Redditor 32purplechickpeas won a $1,000 prize in a recipe competition, but when it came time to pay up, the company ghosted. Purple Chickpeas could have just let it go, but instead he decided to take the company down from the inside.

In his own words:

I'm a professional comper: I find and enter competitions and win shit all the time.

Googling for recipe competitions one day, I found a dodgy looking personal trainer's website, who needed recipes for his brand new site and so he ran a recipe competition. Most votes wins and I won first prize: $1,000

So after a few weeks of silence, I messaged him and eventually got the fob off.

FYI: the "fob off" refers to giving a fake excuse.

Hmm. Start googling this loser and see he has just started an online taco delivery service. His fb privacy was locked down but I was able to dig through his friends accounts to work out who his close family were. And I started making bad reviews from accounts in his mothers name like, "tastes like fart, 1 star". Embarrassing him on Instagram.. Just petty shit to mess with him.

But this "petty shit" wasn't satisfying enough, so he went deeper. So deep, in fact, he got inside the whole operation.

I googled his email address and found his job posting for a taco cook. I created a new email account [columbianname] @gmail .. And used clues from his job listing and family details to make like I was a family friend, just arrived in "his city" from LA where I cooked for a popular tacoria. Threw in an hola, etc. (He said Spanish speaking was a plus) and I'd heard from [family member] he was looking for a cook..?

2 minutes later he replies: Can you come in tonight?

But getting them to hire him wasn't good enough, so he started blowing his "new job" off. Two people can play the "wasting your time" game.

No, sorry [excuse]. Repeat daily/text in sick, last minute, and eventually start ghosting him.

Replied CC'ing his business partner, telling them who I really was and a PS: You should have just paid me. This is going to be so much fun...

Finally, Purple Chickpeas declared all out war on this small business, keeping them looking over their shoulders for eternity.

I started making a glitter bomb to send to his work address. I thought about writing "one of three" on it but only sending one, so he'll always fear his mail. Meanwhile this guy is frantically messaging me, crying poor, wah wah life is hard.

I told him I didn't need his money, I was just fucking with him for fun.

Damn. That must have been a really good recipe.

Woman asks Uber driver to take her 400 miles to see her boyfriend, doesn't leave a tip.

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An Uber driver took a passenger on the longest Uber ride in Uber history and all she got was a (kind of) cool story and no tip, the New York Post reports. All because a young woman decided the best way to get from Virginia to Brooklyn was by Uber.

Janis Rogers, 64, picked up a "19 or 20"-year-old woman outside of a Ben & Jerry's in Virginia and drove her nearly eight hours and 400 miles to Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, to visit her boyfriend. This story would be more shocking to me if I hadn't been 19 or 20 once myself.

The bill for the ride came to a whopping $294.09. Which might seem like a lot until you consider that it took the driver 15½ hours round-trip. After subtracting 32$ for tolls and gas, Rogers says the whole trip earned her about $9 per hour, just slightly over minimum wage. “This was not lucrative,” she said. “I did it because it was an adventure.”

This driver better have gotten five stars.

Rogers described her passenger as “about 19 or 20” and "pretty" with “long brown hair,” which sounds about right. "She was sitting outside with a suitcase and a bag,” said Rogers. “I did not get her name. I think she had been Ubering up the coast.” When the passenger asked, “How far north can you take me?” Rogers said, "Well, I’m not doing too much today, so I’ll take you all the way."

The passenger then slept the entire trip (at least she didn't vomit or hit on the driver!) and was bratty upon her arrival. Not only did she not tip the driver, but “she didn’t seem excited to see her boyfriend,” said Rogers. “She was kind of blasé. She looked tired.”

Rogers said the trip was “a little bit scary for me,” because she had "never been anywhere downtown in New York." Well, she got her adventure, at least.

If you're the passenger in this story, please contact me. I have questions. Sooooo many questions. And also some life advice: tip your driver. For a ride this long, $20 at least. Also: there're these thing called airplanes, trains and busses. Check them out.

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