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Guy chooses video game over girl, trolls her for outraged response.

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Redditor Trainer_A was put in the awkward position recently of having to chosen between his favorite video game, Destiny, and a blossoming relationship with a human woman. Apparently, after a month of dating, it became clear that this lady was not cool with his gaming habit. She issued him an ultimatum that he had to either give up the game, or give up on her. Bewildered, Trainer_A asked his fellow Destiny fans on Reddit what he should do.

So I have been seeing this girl for about a month. Totally cool down to earth, easy to talk to with a lot of shared interest, expect one. She hates how much I play Destiny even though she was fine with it at first. I wouldn't say I'm addicted or anything but I like to play when I get home after work and when I have free time and what not.

So today I get a text from her asking what I'm doing tonight. I tell her when I get off work I'm going to play some Destiny before I have to leave for hockey. She ends up calling me gets pretty upset saying that we should spend some time together before I go to hockey and that I shouldn't be wasting my time on a video game. I remind her that we hung out yesterday and are hanging out again tomorrow and I was looking forward to some me time. So then she drops an ultimatum on me, its either her or Destiny. Then hangs up.

I'm a little rattled by the whole thing and don't really know what to do tonight now. So I figured I would ask the reddit community for some guidance. What do you guys think I should do? Iron Banner or Trials?

Needless to say, the entire Reddit family was immediately deeply invested in this doomed relationship. And Trainer_A didn't disappoint them. He decided to stand his ground, for the sake of his Destiny brothers. The final confrontation happened over text, and he screenshotted the whole thing for everyone to enjoy.

She just doesn't understand—this isn't a game. It's war.

Trainer_A explained thanked the r/Destiny community for their helpful advice.

Hello fellow guardians! I have returned with an update to my post from Friday. I honestly could not believe the overwhelming response. For those of you that offered relationship advise, I really appreciate it and am happy to see that our community is so willing to help out a fellow guardian if they feel they are in need of guidance. And for those who finished reading my post and saw that I already made my decision, my hats off to you for getting to join in with me on a funny way to handle a serious situation.

Now I know a lot of people are curious as to what happened and what I decided to do. Well I'm here to bring some closure to the story. I ended up deciding to do both Iron banner and Trials. I got 2 of my characters up to rank 5 in Iron Banana and got some sweet distant stars. Then had some rough compotation in trials and only made it to 7 all weekend. It was a pretty emotionally devastating weekend to say the least. Trials and I have always had a love hate relationship which I don't think will ever change.

Well I hope that cleared a few things up for people and brought them some much needed closure! Good luck out there guardians and happy hunting!

Another brave warrior lives to fight another day. And hopefully, someday, to have sex.


‘Dear Fat People’ lady tweeted ill of recently deceased Alan Thicke to remind you she exists.

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Vlogger Nicole Arbour, she of "Dear Fat People" fame, tweeted that Alan Thicke"grabbed [her] ass then gave [her] his hotel room key" less than 24 hours after it was reported that Thicke had passed away from a heart attack. She added, "TV Dad doesn't mean a good guy." Arbour has since deleted the tweet, but the folks over at The Hollywood Reporter got a screenshot while it was still up.

Sexual harassment is a very complicated subject, and it's hard to not to let my general dislike of Nicole Arbour get in the way of assessing the appropriateness of her tweet, but at least we can all agree that she's an awful, horrible (and totally unfunny) human.

Whether or not her statement is true can't be proved. I'm inclined to believe women when they say things like this, but her timing is, as Donald Trump would say, "not nice." While Thicke's family, friends, and fans are mourning his surprising and sudden death, Nicole Arbour chose to announce to her 84,000 Twitter followers that the man had once touched her inappropriately. Okay, Nicole, but you know what? He's probably not going to be doing that again any time soon, so maybe don't announce right after he's died. Also, you spelled his name wrong.

Ah, well. Stay classy, Nicole Arbour.

Article 16

Doll-making grandma explains to police that she does not, in fact, steal babies.

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Kathy Cadle's lifelike baby dolls are very lifelike—so lifelike that someone thought they were running a human trafficking ring.

Sneak peek at this one. Should be done hopefully tomorrow. $500 plus shipping. More pictures to come.

Posted by Bunny Bundles reborns by Rachel on Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The artist, along with her sister Rachel Smith, make extremely lifelike baby dolls to sell and donate to nursing homes, for old folks to remember the glory days of early parenting. ABC5 reports that when someone on Facebook stumbled upon an ad for a new doll, they thought she was selling a real, live baby.

Cadle opened the door one day to a cop investigating her for human trafficking claims, after the Facebooker reported her to the police.

Sneak peek at who's coming up for adoption in a day or two. She will be $550.

Posted by Bunny Bundles reborns by Rachel on Wednesday, November 23, 2016

She told ABC5 that when the office showed up, "He asked to see the baby, and I brought it in, he shook his head, I wasn't expecting this at all, like wow hey there's a cop. I said nobody is going to believe this, can you take a picture with me, and I can post it. He said sure OK, and that was nice.”

Two people and a *fake* baby.

The story generated so much publicity that they're struggling to keep up with the Christmas demand.

It'll make a great gift, as long as they don't leave their new babies in a hot car.

Brits release insanely sexist guidelines to get girls interested in soccer.

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The English Football Association is trying to appeal to young female athletes with pink whistles, colorful uniforms that "smell good" and pop music to be played during matches. You know, just like the boys! Oh wait...

The FA is sexist AF.

According toThe Telegraph, an insanely sexist document posted on the Sussex FA website advised coaches to convince girls to play soccer by luring them with incentives like pocket mirrors and movie tickets, allowing them to take "Twitter breaks" during the games, and equipping them with pink gear. What's next, manicurists waiting in the stands? Glitter cannons? Only getting to play 79% of the game while male soccer teams get to play 100%?

Actually, glitter cannons might be cool.

Additionally, another document suggests insulting team slogans such as "you won't even notice you're getting fit," and "it's a great workout!"

Carol Hughes, deputy headmistress of Lumley Junior School in County Durham, was appalled by the blatant sexism implemented by the Football Association. To retaliate, she had some of her female students write hand-written letters to FA chief executive Martin Glenn expressing their outrage at the dumbed-down guidelines.

"I play football because I love whacking the ball into the net, that's the best feeling, but if I score I don't want to run off and get my phone to tweet about it," wrote one pupil. "It treats us like babies who play with Barbie dolls, we're not like that we can actually play just because we enjoy it," said another.

A FA spokesperson responded to the controversy by saying that the guidelines were put in place because the Football Association was is committed to doubling female football participation by 2020.

The document is aimed at engaging young women who don’t currently play football. It was created following research into women and girls playing football, with feedback from both participants and non-participants, and encourages a creative approach to increasing participation numbers.

"We’re very pleased to see how many girls at the school play football and the passion for the game that they clearly have," said the representative, completely missing the point.

Scientists discover the ironic reason men stopped having penis bones.

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A new study published in the Proceedings of the Royal Society looked into why humans lost their penis bones, and it turns out monogamy may be to blame. WHAT HAVE WE DONE?????

Ok, first of all, did you know most other mammals have penis bones?

Yup, here's a bunch of 'em.

Other animals have penis bones! They come in a bunch of sizes, from 8 millimeters for a Bonobo monkey, to 2 feet for a walrus. So what happened to our men?

To give this issue some dignity, lets called the penis bone by its proper name, the baculum (more like frontulum, amirite?). When scientists looked at other mammals' baculums, they found that the length of the bone directly correlated to the duration of intercourse: the longer the bone, the longer the amount of time spent in coitus.

But, like everything in nature, prolonged sexual encounters were not for female pleasure.

Most male animals leave their penises inside the female so his sperm can "work it's magic" before any competition can get in there, but monogamous men don't need to stay inside a woman past the point of orgasm because their mate is probably not about to get boned down by someone else.

Due to our lack of promiscuity, men eventually evolved to not have a baculum at all.

Article 12

Why this 'Orange is the New Black' star just called out 'America's Next Top Model.'

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Danielle Brooks, one of the stars of the hit Netflix show Orange is the New Black, was bummed to see that America's Next Top Model (ANTM) didn't include any curvy women among their finalists, despite having famous plus-sized model Ashley Graham as one of the judges. Brooks posted an Instagram of plus-sized women in black bras and underwear, and in the caption, explained why it was disappointing that a show with such a diverse group of contestants ("You had an Asian, African, a red head, transgender, an androgynous sister, even twins") couldn't include even one plus-sized woman.

Her full caption reads,

[This is not a bashing of any sort but an observation that wouldn't allow me to hold my 👅 ]

As a plus woman being seen only 1% of the time is a real thing. Period. After watching#ANTM last night I was super excited to see my girl Ashley Graham but bummed out not to see any plus contestants. A curvy judge but no curvy contestants? 😕 Out of all 24 girls not one was plus. You had an Asian, African, a red head, transgender, an androgynous sister, even twins...(much love for that) but not 1 plus size woman-when 67% of women are plus in the US?? This could've been a perfect opportunity for them to highlight fabulous designers that also do plus fashion or highlight strictly plus designers that rarely get any shine. They could've also highlighted the struggles that come with being plus. We could've at least gotten to 2%. The plus competitor would've been able to lean on the fact that a reflection of herself (Ashley Graham) was in the room reminding her that her dream IS possible. All these things still would've moved us forward, and would've done more than me posting an IG post. Regardless, We are worth these incredible opportunities. We deserve to be seen. I'm going to continue to push back and speak up for that young girl that wants to model, wants to act, wants to be upfront and needs to be reminded that she is just as deserving as anyone else. ✌🏾️💋#seethe67#voiceofthecurves

👑Queening 👑 --> now read my last post.

A photo posted by Danielle Brooks (@daniebb3) on

Danielle Brooks, who is part of the 67 percent of American women who are plus-sized, is doing her part to make plus-sized more visible in American media. That's something everyone can celebrate.


People angry over Jesus dildo threaten to kill sex shop owner. WWJD?

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A Spanish sex shop created the world's sexiest nativity scene out of dildos in their storefront window. And some people were like:

But many others were like:

The three-part scene features Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus, and locals are outraged (and not because they left out the animals and kings).

The owner of the shop, Hector Valdivielso, said he's received "numerous death threats" from offended Christians, and had his shop vandalized. How pious of them!

The sex shop, Non Sit Peccatum, shared a photo of the display on their Facebook page with a post about the backlash they've received this year:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfsdKlhCNPhWDDtISzB6J1FlOYSeEF6P94FPQRHR6dbsXbCHA/viewform?c=0&w=1 Por tercer a...

Posted by Non Sit Peccatum on Wednesday, November 23, 2016

The so-called "quirky Ceramic Nativity Scene" has been displayed in the store's window for the past three years with no problems, according to the post. But this year, "the response has been quite different, in getting the store multitude of complaints, verbal, painted on the labels and even an attempted assault in which had to intervene the police National."

The shop, reasonably, had customers vote on whether the nativity scene should stay or go.

And the verdict: it stays! "Closed the deadline of voting, our clients have decided by a large majority 78.5% that the Bethlehem must return to our window," wrote Valdivielso on Facebook, according to the Mirror.

To me, the only thing offensive about painting baby Jesus on a dildo is the fact that it's a baby. But other than that, I don't see a problem. It's not like no one has ever said the lord's name during sex before.

Plus, let's be honest, adult Jesus could get it.

Super suave guy gets the ultimate revenge against 'jerk waiter' hitting on his date.

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A guy was on a first date with a woman when the waiter started hitting on her. As if dating wasn't hard enough, now you have to compete with the dude with the bread sticks? Most people would be thinking murder, but our hero explains on reddit how he managed a more impressive revenge.

Redditor TalkingLikeAFarmer sets the scene:

I was on a date with a woman I had met through a work function. We went to a nice Italian place that was near my office and were having a really pleasant evening, though the waiter seemed to have a thing for my date. It's a family-owned place and not at all unusual for the wait staff to pay general compliments to the customers. It can set a really great atmosphere, but this guy was borderline hitting on my date - enough for her to uncomfortably ask me if it was normal.

What a creep. You want to be on the waiter's side but a restaurant is not your dating gallery, weirdo.

Our hero tried to quietly set him straight.

A few minutes after the entrees arrived the waiter swung by to make sure everything was acceptable, but he laid it on thick by implying that I didn't deserve such a lovely woman. We laughed it off, but a minute later I excused myself to use the rest room and tracked down the waiter to request that he tone it down a few notches, as he was embarrassing himself, my date and me. He was a bit overconfident in feigning ignorance, but assured me he would refrain from further compliments.

The service was absolutely fine after that and it became a memorable evening of getting to know someone new in a romantic setting. Until the check came - I stuck my credit card in the bill book, but when the waiter returned he apologized and said the card had been declined. I immediately knew what was going on because I pay my CC off in full every single month - I don't use it for big, long-term purchases.

He insists that he tried it twice, and that perhaps we try another card... or my date could pay the bill.

Oh. No. He. Didn't.

This is where he kills him, right? Nope.

I'm usually pretty levelheaded in tense situations, but I have to admit this nearly ruined the evening for me. I kept my voice down, but demanded the owner visit the table to get involved. The waiter assured me that wasn't necessary and that he'd try the card again, but I insisted and said I would track her down myself if he didn't care to.

The look on his face when he realized that this was happening was sweeter than the dessert we'd shared.

He disappeared for about a minute and returned with the check, claiming that it went through this time and would I still care to involve the owner.

Were it not for 20% gratuity being built into the bill, I would have said no. Instead I told him that he could refund me the 20%, or I could request the owner do it. Sheepishly he said:

"Yes sir, I'll remove the tip immediately."

The woman and I never got very serious, but this was a great inside joke that kept us laughing on the few dates we had after that.

This is the most justified story of not tipping ever told. Please use with caution.

Article 8

'Forever single' 31-year-old trolls family with hilariously misleading Christmas card.

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Redditor kelsofb has created a Christmas card that is so weird and hilarious, it puts every other card to shame. The self-described "forever single" 31-year-old hired a professional photographer, just to make sure she could troll her friends and family with maximum effectiveness.

From the front, it looks like a fairly typical lame couple's card.

Yuck.

But when you open it up, you realize what's really going on.

She even borrowed the photographer's shoes to complete the illusion. Brilliant.

That'll teach those nosy aunts and uncles to stop asking why she's single. Although from this hilarious card, she's obviously a catch. Get on it, internet.

Article 6

Dr. Pimple Popper collected her best 'punch' removals of 2016 into 15 minutes of pure joy.

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'Tis the season for year-end lists, and while we couldn't care less about the best movies of the year, or the best albums, or the most depressing news stories, there is one kind of list we've waited all year for. That's right—it's Dr. Pimple Popper's collections of the best pops of 2016. Today's compilation consists of punch removals, in which Dr. Lee uses a tool that cleanly removes a tiny circle of skin from some poor schmuck's body, allowing her to squeeze out the cyst goo beneath in a very satisfying Play-Doh like tube.

Long live the punch.

This is what a $30,000 'ugly Christmas sweater' looks like.

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Check out this bejwelled horror show that rings in at $30,000.

What do you get for enough money to buy you a year of tuition at a fancy private college? This ugly Christmas sweater made by Tipsy Elves featuring Santa riding a unicorn past Saturn. It comes complete with two fake diamond necklaces rimming the collar to let everyone know you mean business.

Ho, Ho, Who would do something like this?

The entire monstrosity is covered in 24,274 individually placed Swarovski crystals and took 52 hours to create. I know what you're thinking, this is just too valuable to wear. Fear not! It will be shipped to you "inside a luxury frame" so you can spend a lifetime staring at this hideous mistake.

Usually ugly Christmas sweaters come in under the $20 mark, because they're supposed to be jokes.

The reason his bag is green is because he's carrying away your money.

But this year, the joke is on you!

Make Ugly Sweaters Expensive Again.

So far there is only one review, but it is glowing!

"There are a lot of ugly Christmas sweaters, but until now none of hem told the story of how bad I am with my money."

So hurry up and get yours before they run out (please tell me they only made one). It's the perfect sweater to remember what this holiday is all about: throwing your money around.


This Chick-fil-A cashier working in a neck brace went viral for the sweetest reason.

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Chick-fil-A, everyone's favorite homophobe-owned chicken joint, might have the world's coolest employees. A young man named Jakeem Tyler was working the cashier at an Indianapolis Chick Fil-A while wearing a neck brace and arm sling, when he caught the attention of a customer named Cameron Nelson.

Nelson asked Tyler why he was at work in his condition, and his response was so moving that Nelson shared it in a Facebook post which went viral:

I stopped at Chick-fil-A & decided to go in cause the drive-thru was too long, and I saw this young man working with a...

Posted by Cameron Nelson on Thursday, December 8, 2016

"He said he was involved in a car accident, but he was working cause he needs the money & also wants to feed the homeless for Christmas," wrote Nelson in the post, which has been shared almost 17,000 times.

Nelson's GoFundMe has already raised $20,000, almost ten times his $2,500 goal, to help Tyler and his cause.

Sometimes, while we're trampling other parents to grab the last Hatchimal for our kid, or screaming at family members about politics, we forget Christmas is supposed to be about giving and kindness.

AND as if this wasn't enough of a miracle, now we have an excuse to eat at Chick-fil-A again. God bless us, everyone!

Amazon has removed marijuana-patterned toddler leggings from its site after receiving complaints.

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After receiving complaints about a pair of marijuana-printed leggings that came in toddler sizes, Amazon has removed the item from its site. The seller, AOSHILONG-Baby, called the pattern "digital printed leaves," leaving room for interpretation, but we all know a weed leaf when we see one. You can view the print here, on a women's tank top that is still being sold by the vendor. I have personally seen cuter weed apparel.

According to The Huffington Post, parents and anti-drug advocates complained that the leggings, which sell for $5.99 - $7, are a means of normalizing marijuana to children. I think that any pair of leggings that cheap will probably be of very poor quality and therefore you shouldn't buy them regardless of the pattern.

"Anything that normalizes marijuana with kids is child abuse," said Scott Chipman, an activist for Citizens Against Legalizing Marijuana, to The Huffington Post. And while Chipman may be fighting a losing battle on the legalization front (just this past election four more states legalized it for adult recreational use: Massachusetts, Maine, California and Nevada), the thing about weed is that it's for grown ups, not toddlers. Think about it in terms of other adult things, like alcohol. Personally, if I had a child (I do not), I would probably not dress it up in leggings advertising my favorite domestic beer of choice. First of all because it's tacky, and second of all because associating alcohol with a child just doesn't feel right.

Diane Ramseyer, executive director of Drug-Free Charlotte in Florida, also commented on the leggings in an interview with WFTX: "“Why would you have that? You’re advertising that you’re showing acceptability to them.” What I think that all of these people are missing is that these leggings are NOT cute and they should be worn by NO ONE. Weed-patterned clothing is very hard to pull off, unless you are Ilana from Broad City, and I think it's safe to say your baby is not Ilana from Broad City.

Dressing a baby shouldn't be that hard. They're already so cute! Just stay in the lanes and buy something that has cute animals on it, and you'll be fine. Honestly, I'm just not convinced it's ever cool to use your clothing to advertise to the world that you like to get high.

Fourth graders' song about long-division is so good it gets internet hyped about math.

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When I was in fourth grade, many moons ago, learning long-division was so hard I faked the flu for a whole week and never learned it (true story). These Florida fourth graders took a different approach. They made a song about it.

Blah blah blah, I know, math songs are a drag. Usually. But this one, trust me, is straight fire.

Their teacher, Nadine S. Ebri, shared a video of the kids performing the song and it's been viewed nearly 10 million times, which must break some kind of record for people caring about math.

Just watch:

I always heard that teachers dreaded teaching long division! Well, not anymore! My students made this song up! They're seriously the most crunk class ever! LOL

Posted by Nadine S. Ebri on Monday, December 12, 2016

"I always heard that teachers dreaded teaching long division! Well, not anymore!" wrote Ebri, who seems as awesome as her students. "My students made this song up! They're seriously the most crunk class ever! LOL"

By "crunk" she obviously doesn't literally mean "crazy drunk," because a) they're kids, and b) there is NO way they could do this kind of long-division while drunk. Most of us can't even do it sober, myself included. But this song is so good I'm inspired to finally learn!

JK I'm an adult and I have a calculator on my phone which I never use anyway. But props to these kids!

Empty gesture.

This year's heartwarming viral story about Santa and a dying child might not be true.

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Maybe it's the paranoia that's been surrounding fake news since the election, but now there's suspicion about this holiday season's uplifting viral story, too. That's right, the election has ruined the one last good thing we had: sappy videos for when you need to cry at your desk to feel alive.

The story in question is one in which a Tennessee man and seasoned Santa impersonator describes giving a kid in the hospital his dying wish, which was to sit on Santa's lap. It includes a touching video in which the Santa, Eric Schmitt-Matzen, is dressed up as Mr. Claus himself and fighting back tears as he gives his recount of what happened in the room when he delivered a five-year-old boy a small Christmas miracle.

But now the newspaper that first reported the story, the Knoxville News Sentinel, isn't so sure it's true after all. In the original story, writer Sam Venable interviewed Schmitt-Matzen, who told Venable that he went into the room with the terminally-ill five-year-old boy alone after arriving at the hospital's Intensive Care Unit. Schmitt-Matzen describes the conversation that happened in the room between himself and the young boy to Venable, and how the boy died in his arms after he asked the boy for a hug.

While Venable has been able to confirm the details about Schmitt-Matzen's background, his story about going to the hospital to deliver a gift to the child has not yet been verified, according to The Washington Post. The Washington Post also reached out to Schmitt Matzen to verify details of his account, but he "repeatedly declined to provide corroborating details of his story, in the interest, he said, of protecting medical personnel and the privacy of the child’s family."

If the story is true it means that a terminally ill boy died, but got his final wish granted. If it's a hoax, it means a random guy in Tennessee used the emotional draw of terminally ill children to become internet famous. Neither option is very good, but maybe if it's true a little faith will be restored in this, the bleakest of worlds.

You can watch the original video here:

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