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Woman has emotional reunion with stranger who came to her rescue on the worst day of her life.

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A 31-year-old woman named Angel Mott from De Moines, Iowa, went on a quest to find the complete stranger who came to her rescue on the worst day of her life. With a little help, she found her.

And their emotional reunion is a tear-jerker for everyone involved.

Here's the story: Mott was shopping at a sporting and home goods store around 6 am on Black Friday. As if that's not tragic enough, she received a phone call that her mother had passed away.

"I just kind of blacked out," Mott told The Des Moines Register, "and I just started crying uncontrollably. And I sat down on the shelves probably for about 5 minutes and just bawled."

That's when another angel appeared (sorry I had to). She had purple streaks in her hair, Mott remembered, but she never got her name. The woman sat down with Mott on the floor, hugged her, and cried with her. She even negotiated with other shoppers to help her skip the checkout line. ON BLACK FRIDAY.

Mott wanted to find this heroic stranger so she could thank her, but she hadn't caught the woman's name, so she posted a message in the popular "I grew up in Iowa!" Facebook page.

The post read:

Hoping you nice people can help me find a lady. I was out shopping on Black Friday at six in the morning at Mills Fleet Farm in Ankeny. In the middle of shopping I got a phone call that my mom had passed away. I sat down on the shelf in the aisle and must've bawled for several minutes. Some nice lady with black hair (I think) and purple highlights, sat down with me and hugged me for about five minutes. She cried with me. I would just like to thank her very much. Not one person stopped to see if I was OK. But her and her sister did and I appreciate that more than they'll ever know! My mom was my best friend. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. She was only 57. I'm only 31, I still need my momma!

The post was shared over 500 times and finally reached the woman's sister, Sara Ross. "The lady she is looking for is my lovely sister Stephanie Uhlenberg," Ross commented on Facebook. "She just saw her there crying and couldn't just walk by."

After learning that Mott wanted to connect, Uhlenberg ​ attended Mott's mother's visitation at a funeral home last night.

Here's a video of their emotional reunion:

Woman tracks down stranger who hugged her in saddest moment of...

This woman tracked down the stranger who hugged her in the saddest moment of her life.

Posted by Humankind on Wednesday, December 14, 2016

"My heart just went out to you," said Uhlenberg to Mott in the video. "I just wanted to know if you were going to be OK."

Moral: sometimes, people aren't complete jerks. Even on Black Friday.


Article 7

How does your relationship hold up on this 1930s 'Marital Rating Scale'?

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The mystery of a good marriage has fascinated lovers and social scientists for millennia. In 1939, Northwestern University's George W. Crane, Ph.D and M.D. (fancy!) made the OG BuzzFeed quiz called the Marital Rating Scale to see how a marriage scores.

With a checklist for the husband and one for the wife, Dr. Dr. Crane defines what makes a good spouse. For women, a good husband is one who does such things as "reads newspaper, books, or magazines, aloud to wife," as if she was illiterate at the time. Plus, men get points deducted for such things as inane as snoring and harsh as "publicly praises bachelor days and regrets having married."

Demerits:

1. Stares at or flirts with other women while out with his wife. (5)

2. Reads newspaper at the table.

3. Fails to come to table promptly when meal is ready.

4. Brings guests home for meals without warning wife.

5. Doesn't phone when late for dinner.

6. Compares wife unfavorably with his mother or other wives. (5)

7. Publicly praises bachelor days and regrets having married.

8. Criticizes wife in public. (5)

9. Belches without apology, or blows nose at table.

10. Leaves dresser drawers open.

11. Leaves shoes in living room.

12. Snores.

Merits:

1. Gives wife ample allowance or turns pay check over to her. (5)

2. Courteous to wife's friends.

3. Frequently compliments wife re looks, cooking, housekeeping, etc. (5)

4. Remembers birthdays, anniversaries, etc. (5)

5. Helps wife with dishes, caring for children, scrubbing.

6. Polite and mannerly even when alone with his wife.

7. Consults wife's opinions re business and social affairs.

8. Has date with wife at least once per week. (5 per date)

9. Reads newspaper, books, or magazines aloud to wife.

10. A good conversationalist.

11. Steady worker and good provider. (5)

12. Leaves car for wife on days she may need it.

And ladies, if you want to make a good Stepford Wife in the 30s, you better make sure you "dress for breakfast" have a "good sense of humor—jolly and gay." And you sure as hell better not wear red nail polish (this is real!).

Demerits:

1. Slow in coming to bed—delays till husband is almost asleep.

2. Doesn't like children. (5)

3. Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks regularly.

4. Wears soiled or ragged dresses.

5. Wears red nail polish.

6. Often late for appointments. (5)

7. Seams in hose often crooked.

8. Goes to bed with curlers on her hair or much face cream.

9. Puts her cold feet on husband at night to warm them.

10. Is a back seat driver.

11. Flirts with other men at parties or in restaurants. (5).

12. Is suspicious and jealous. (5)

Merits:

1. A good hostess—even to unexpected guests.

2. Has meals on time.

3. Can carry on an interesting conversation.

4. Can play a musical instrument, as piano, violin, etc.

5. Dresses for breakfast.

6. Neat housekeeper—tidy and clean.

7. Personally puts children to bed.

8. Never goes to bed angry, always makes up first. (5)

9. Asks husband's opinions regarding important decisions and purchases.

10. Good sense of humor—jolly and gay.

11. Religious—sends children to church or Sunday school and goes herself. (10)

12. Lets husband sleep late on Sunday and holidays.

(Wife gets extra points for going to church, while the hubby gets to sleep in? Double standard, much?)

So, how did you and your loved one score?

And, um, how much have we advanced as a society?

James Corden dug up this embarrassing clip of 9-year-old Natalie Portman singing about recycling.

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Many celebrities got their start when they were young, but Natalie Portman's first gig was especially bizarre. As a 9-year-old, Portman was in a singing group called the "World Patrol Kids," and they sang exclusively about saving the environment. Really.

Check out James Corden surprising Portman with a clip from her days as a singing environmentalist.

Portman is obviously shocked and a little embarrassed at the resurfacing of the old clip, but she shouldn't be! Small Natalie Portman is completely adorable.

Unfortunately, Portman's days as a World Patrol Kid have been overshadowed by her veritable mountain of movie credits and accolades, but somewhere inside her there will always be a little girl singing about the importance of recycling.

SING OUT, NATALIE!

Article 4

Hard-drinking passengers congratulated by pilot for cleaning the place out.

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Apparently a bunch of passengers on board a Dec. 7th Southwest flight from Oakland, California, to Kansas City, Missouri, were really, really thirsty (it gets dry up there!), because they finished all of the booze on the plane. Like a bunch of champs.

The pilot, much like a parent whose kid finished all their peas and carrots, was proud. So he congratulated them, according to sports journalist Jimmy Durkin who was on board the flight and tweeted about it:

People on Twitter got confused and thought he was saying that the Oakland Raiders were on board the flight.

But Durkin followed up to explain the flight was full of thirsty Raiders fans, not the actual team.

Those bottles of alcohol on planes are really small, so there's no telling exactly how much booze was consumed during the three-hour-20-minute flight. But I'll give these passengers the benefit of the doubt and say it was a lot.

The Raiders lost to the Kansas City Chiefs at Arrowhead stadium on Dec. 8th, the game many of the passengers were flying to attend. But that's okay. Because the real winners are these hard drinking passengers. They're American heroes and we're all very proud.

Guy becomes internet hero after finding love in most hopeless place: the TSA line.

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Most people going through airport security have only one thing on their mind: "WHEN WILL THIS MISERY END?" Not a guy named Anthony Lewis. While enduring the degradation and existential sadness of the TSA line, he managed to fall in love. With a TSA agent.

Lewis boldly decided to leave a note on her desk. It read: "I know you're at work but your one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen." Then he included his phone number and his name.

Turns out, this TSA agent was flattered and also, grammar is not a deal-breaker for her (FYI men of America: it's "you're"). Because, miracle of all miracles, SHE TEXTED HIM.

Lewis freaked out with joy and tweeted out a photo of his note, along with a screenshot of their cute initial exchange:

As it turns out, the internet LOVES a good TSA meet-cute, because the tweet went viral. And now he's an internet hero.

People are showering him with congratulatory tweets for having the MOST game:

I hope these two mutually fall in love and that their relationship is long, scantily clad, and full of adventure, like the airport security line.

Bus drivers give their students the worst Christmas gifts ever: anti-gay pamphlets.

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You know what's worse than getting coal for Christmas? Getting a homophobic flyer! At least when people are peddling their anti-LGBT nonsense in public, we can intentionally avoid it. But up to 10 bus drivers in the town of Kyabram, Victoria, Australia, decided to wrap their dumb flyers up in innocuous-looking envelopes before handing them out to the unsuspecting students of Kyabram P-12 College. What a bad waste of envelopes.

According to PinkNews, the flyers were given out to children on their way home from school on Wednesday afternoon. These drivers must have recognized that no one would willingly take their flyers, and so resorted to springing them upon innocent children. It also apparently gets creepier, because it's also been reported that before Wednesday members of the anti-same-sex group, Marriage Alliance, had been boarding the busses and hanging out literature to the children. Meaning, these drivers were letting strangers onto the buses with these kids.

The pamphlets naturally made their way into the hands of family members, who were not happy about the situation. “If they’re going to hand out something like that it should be approved – it’s sneaky and it’s really targeting the children,” one relative of a student told the Gay News Network. The incident also brought up the issue that myriad other bad things besides hateful and close-minded ideas could have been inside those envelopes. (For example, remember how people once put Anthrax in envelopes?)

It's probably not anthrax, but it could be a really idiotic leaflet.

Stuart Bott, the head teacher of Kyabram College told the students' parents that the pamphlets didn't represent the school's views on marriage equality, and expressed that the school welcomes students of all sexual orientations. However, same-sex marriage is still not legal in Australia. Just this past November, a proposal for marriage equality was defeated in the Senate, and thus won't be brought up again until the next term of Parliament. According to BBC, opinion polls indicate that the majority of Australians support same-sex marriage, but the issue didn't make it to ballot.

What that means is that the world needs the open, kind and LGBT-friendly minds of these children to stay that way, so that they can grow up and become active political figures who legalize same-sex marriage for Australians. Keep your pamphlets full of bad ideas far away from the future of humanity.


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12 people shared the weirdest gifts they've ever gotten from their grandparents.

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This past weekend, we asked our readers to send in stories of the weirdest gifts they've ever gotten from their parents. As delighted as we were with those stories, a lot of people truly stellar responses about strange gifts that their grandparents gave them. And of course, since the holiday season is upon us, we didn't want to deprive you of the joy of weird grandparent gifts, so here we are. We decided to write up a separate post. Happy holidays, dear readers. Here are 12 of our favorite weird grandparent gifts.

1. Kelsey's grandmother just wants her to be safe.

One day my grandma showed up with a Manila envelope and said something to the effect of "this is something special only a nana can share with her grand daughter"... I opened it up and it was an article about the rise of HIV and AIDS in young woman and how to protect themselves. She hugged me and smiled afterwards. I mean, it was informative, but not so much a gift

2. Keturah's grandmother uses her gifts to encourage people to take up the hobbies that she thinks they should have.

Not me, but a few years ago my grandmother drew my brother in laws name for Christmas.

Early in the day she asked him if he played golf and his response "no, never. It's not really my thing" she smiled and said "never say never!"

Later he was surprised, and yet not surprised, to open a golf bag umbrella.

We make golf jokes as often as possible.

3. Maybe Cecilie from Facebook's grandma should have looked a little more closely at that statue...

A few years ago my grandmother gave me a tantra figure. Like two wooden people having sex. It turned out she thought it was a horse ...

4. Nobody tell Hillary from Facebook's grandma what the frog is holding.

My grandma once gave me a t-shirt with a frog on it because she knew I love frogs. It was tye dyed and had a frog with dreadlocks playing the bongos smoking a joint. Best gift ever! I still have it. (She didn't notice the joint, just saw the frog).

5. We totally agree with Elizabeth from Facebook's grandma-in-law (is that the proper term?). Sewing heads is hard work! (JK we've never sewn a head.)

My husband's grandmother made my daughter a headless doll. She said it was too hard to sew a head. Lmao - Needless to say - my daughter was not impressed

6. We think Kristen from Facebook's grandma is trying to tell her something.

My grandma once gifted me a book to help 'conjure' romantic love into my life. Her heart's always in the right place but I sent it to goodwill.

7. One reader sent us the story of his grandparents' Christmas pep talk. He asked to be credited as "The Ghost of David Seaman's Mustache."

My grandparents have always been notorious for their poor gift-giving skills. One year they gave my brother one of those metal tins that holds three types of popcorn... except it was empty. They just thought it looked nice.

But the best (worst?) was a few years ago, after I had just gotten divorced, they gave me a large, framed motivational poster that had a nighttime beach scene and said something like "It's always darkest before the dawn."

I guess they thought that what I needed for Christmas that year was a pep talk.

8. Ashley from Facebook's grandmother may have misinterpreted one item on her brother's wish list.

My brother asked for an X Box...my grandma drew a big X on a cardboard box and wrapped it for him.

9. At least Meagan's siblings got a good laugh out of this grandparent gift. Their poor brother, though.

Anyway, a few years ago we were opening Christmas presents from my grandma and she's kind of... Odd in her gift-giving habits (she buys on Boxing Day for next year's Christmas and tends to lean towards things that are on clearance because nobody wants them.) So we get to my little brother's turn to open his gift and he's already getting his "This is exactly what I wanted!" face on, because we all know it won't be. So he opens up this box and in it is a pair of girls pyjamas. Made for a kid the size of a 7-year-old. Keep in mind that my brother was 15 or so at the time and he's always been tall anyway.

TL;DR My grandmother gave my 15-year-old brother a set of little girls' PJs and it will live on as a family legend between my siblings and I for eternity.

10. Grandparents giving slightly inappropriate gifts is part of what makes the holidays so special. Nikki from Facebook gets it.

My grandma gave my aunt's boyfriend a pillow shaped like boobs....that was awkward.

11. Our Facebook commenter Laura's co-worker's grandmother probably just wants to make sure everyone is getting enough Calcium. Right?

Didn't happen to me but this guy I used to work with said his grandmother would always get each family member a block of Velveeta cheese

12. You never know what strange treasures Samantha Sweet's grandpa has in store.

This gift is actually from my grandpa but he's the best, weird gift giver. I invited a friend over for Christmas dinner since his family was out of town, and was preparing him for how... different my grandpa could be. My gpa is an extreme hoarder and you also never really know what he's going to say or do. So my friend laughs as if I must mean he might try to pull a quarter out of his ear or a typical grandpa thing. But nope. My grandpa busts in the front door with my Christmas gift. A big ass Roman candle in the shape of an electric guitar. We took it to a bar later and shot it off which is more use than I got out of the used pink crayon he got me the year before.

Brave woman says "screw it", does not try to compete with neighbors' holiday light display.

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Before I begin this story let me first invoke the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Michigan resident Jami Kelly must have been muttering this prayer under her breath earlier this holiday season as she started putting up Christmas lights. Shortly thereafter, she realized she could never compete with the elaborate display her neighbors had installed and said, "you know what, screw it."

According to The Detroit News, Kelly has lived next door to her flashy neighbors (whom she calls "The Griswolds" after the family in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation who blinded the neighbors with their holiday light display) for several years now. I can imagine it gets draining to try to compete with a display that includes reindeer, an inflatable snow globe and a polar bear that sits on the roof. And so, Kelly didn't.

Instead, Kelly took a piece of plywood and some screws to craft a sign that simply read "ditto." Fox 2 Detroit reports that it only took her four hours and a little help from another neighbor to help her complete the sign. I hope she took a luxurious bubble bath with all the free time she had after deciding to not put up elaborate and garish decorations.

Personally, I believe that Kelly is an inspiration to us all. She serves as a reminder that it's never too late to realize you really don't care about keeping up with the Joneses. She decided to follow her heart, and in doing so made an IDGAF statement that the rest of the world ended up really connecting with.

"All my neighbors think it's hilarious," Kelly said. "It's not meant to be anything but a compliment."

When you think about it, her "ditto" is really a work of art.

What a brave statement to make.

Lord, grant me the serenity to channel Jami Kelly the next time I'm feeling pressured to perform some arduous task solely to maintain appearances, the courage to make the same choice as her, and the wisdom to know that I am better for it.

Deli counter guy gets a surprise visit from Metallica and crushes lead vocals on "Enter Sandman" with them.

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Sometimes, when I am by myself and feeling good, I like to think I sound not terrible when singing Beyoncé's "Love on Top," (before it gets to all the key changes, obviously). But if Beyoncé ever surprised me by showing up to my place of work and asked me to sing the song in her presence, I would never have the courage to utter even the first line, as doing so would surely set some curse upon me forever.

Well, I don't expect that to happen to me anytime soon, but maybe I should, since that's what happened on Thursday to a guy who works at a deli counter in Hollywood, Calif. Except his Beyoncé is the band Metallica. TMZ reports that comedian and man-on-the-street video host Billy Eichner was with the band filming a segment when they decided to stop by Hollywood's Gelson supermarket.

Blasting their well-known hit "Enter Sandman," Eichner and all four members of the band (James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett and Robert Trujillo) rolled up to the deli counter to see what would happen. And the amazing thing is, the deli guy seems to be a huge Metallica fan, and he really goes for it. He knows all the words, belts them out, and is head-banging so hard that I swear he's beat red by the end of it.

As someone who can barely make eye contact when getting a book signed by a favorite author, I don't know how this guy found the courage to sing like that in front of guys who are presumably his heroes. Call it brazen or foolhardy, but truly I just think the music took control of him. Hope his boss didn't mind.

Carpool Karaoke just dropped a surprise cover of 'All I Want For Christmas.'

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No one will have trouble getting into the Christmas spirit after watching what has to be the most epic edition of Carpool Karaoke yet. The segment starts off with the Queen of Christmas herself, Mariah Carey, accompanying James Corden and a trunk load of gifts as they sing her hit song, "All I Want for Christmas is You." From there, almost every Carpool Karaoke guest from the past year got their moment to belt out the holiday classic.

Best. Christmas. Present. Ever.

Adele, Elton John, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Nick Jonas, Lady Gaga, Chris Martin, The Red Hot Chili Peppers and Gwen Stefani all joined James Corden in singing the modern-day Christmas carol in clips secretly taken throughout the year. If that doesn't make your days merry and bright, nothing will.

It is too bad that there is no footage of Michelle Obama singing along to the Christmas anthem. We have a feeling she would have rocked it.

Blake Lively had a sweet message for Ryan Reynolds after he got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

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On Thursday, professional perfect person Ryan Reynolds received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and while his fans are understandably thrilled, his family is even more so. His wife, Blake Lively, posted a sweet Instagram of him (well, his feet) standing on the star bearing his name, along with her feet and the feet of their 2-year-old daughter, James.

Her message (the caption on the Instagram) reads,

Proud is a pitiful word to describe how I felt today. @vancityreynolds The permanence of your impact is undeniable…Always has been, but now we have a fancy 🌟 to show for it. 😊

The Deadpool actor's Walk of Fame star unveiling actually marks the public debut of the couple's two kids, James, and their other daughter, a 3-month-old who has no name. Kidding! She has a name (probably), the public just isn't allowed to know it.

Ryan Reynolds, 40, had some sweet words for his wife as well. According to Us Weekly, during the event, he said of Blake Lively, 29,

I want to thank my wife, Blake, who is sitting right there, who is everything to me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You make everything better. You make everything in my life better. You've given me two of the most incredible children I've ever hoped to have.

Awwww! It's honestly hard not to be moved, even just a little, by that, no matter how cold and frozen our hearts may have become.

Reynolds also posted an Instagram of himself kneeling on his star.

His caption reads,

Thank you to the @hollywoodchamberofcommerce and @20thcenturyfox. This is one of those "pinch me" moments. But not in the creepy way my Aunt used to do it.

Always with the jokes! Well, that's why we love him. ONE of the reasons, that is. Another reason is: JUST LOOK AT HIM. Ryan Reynolds is utter perfection.

Jimmy Fallon reads the funniest #CrappyHolidays tweets for all the Grinches out there.

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Although it is often referred to as the "most wonderful time of the year," the holidays don't always go according to plan. Everyone wishes that their holiday celebrations could be as perfect as what is depicted in White Christmas, but it usually ends up being closer to what happens in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation​. Good news is that you are not the only one who struggles to make it through the holiday season, as made evident by these #CrappyHolidays tweets that viewers sent in to Jimmy Fallon.

Hopefully your holiday won't be too crappy this year, but if it is, spike the eggnog and get to tweeting.


Sex shop employees fight off robber using dildos.

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Well, if this don't beat (off) all. A man trying to rob a sex toy store called Lotions & Lace in San Bernardino, California, was foiled by quick-thinking employees (and some sex toys used as weapons) on Wednesday night. Thankfully for us, it was all caught on video.

According to KABC News, the man walked into the store at around 9:45 p.m., as the store was closing up, with his face covered. He pointed a gun at the woman behind the cash register, but the employee, named Amy, wasn't having any of his nonsense. She told KABC, "With the gun, he walked in. I just thought he was trying to be funny, to scare us. But then I saw the gun and it was like, really? I don't have time for this." GIRL, GO. BOY, BYE.

Weapons drawn: gun vs. sex toy. It's on.

The man reached over the counter and grabbed Amy, and that's when the other store employee flew into action, hurling dildos and other sex toys at the would-be robber.

That employee told KABC, "I think he was a coward. Coming in and trying to get over on two females and not realizing that were pretty feisty." DAMN STRAIGHT.

Eventually the man ran out empty-handed. Happily, it turns out that he was caught on surveillance camera outside the show without his face covered. That video has been released by the San Bernardino police, who are still looking for the man.

Hugh Jackman lovingly roasted Ryan Reynolds by impersonating him on Instagram.

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Deadpool is usually the one slinging insults, but Wolverine decided to give the Merc with the Mouth a taste of his own medicine.

Hugh Jackman donned a paper Ryan Reynolds mask and impersonated his buddy as a weird way to celebrate Reynolds getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It is about time Reynolds got his comeuppance, since he has playfully ribbed Jackman's iconic Wolverine character in the Deadpool movie by saying, "You’re probably thinking 'Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie?' I can’t tell you his name, but it rhymes with 'pullverine.'" Yeah, that wasn't subtle.

Here is what Jackman had to say about his X-Men Origins co-star.

All jokes aside, these two guys are totally fond of each other. In fact, Reynolds has been campaigning for a Deadpool/Wolverine movie, although Jackman vowed to hang up his claws after the 2017 movie Logan. Still, Reynolds told Entertainment Weeklythat he may be able to convince Wolverine to come out of retirement for the film. "What we’re gonna have to do is convince Hugh," he explained. "If anything, I’m going to need to do what I can to get my Internet friends back on board to help rally another cause down the line."

Fingers Claws crossed.

The top 39 tweets of the week, as picked by someone who reads every tweet.

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This week was all about Taylor Swift, Trump's cabinet, and Alan Thicke. Relax with jokes about Santa, Kermit, robots, and cows, in the top 39 tweets of the week!

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Thirsty people confess the dumbest things they ever did in the hopes of having sex.

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Since the dawn of time, humans have been doing stupid and embarrassingthings in the name of love (or at least in the name of attempting to hook up with the other human that they have a crush on). A recent AskReddit thread posed a simple question to all of the thirsty humans who have done stupid things in the name of hooking up: "What is the most outrageous/stupid thing you have done in hopes of having sex?"

Here are 10 of the dumbest things people ever did for a chance at getting laid.

1. greencaptain needs to get better at giving hints.

SO in shower, we hadn't even gone to 3rd base, and I laid on the floor by the door hoping that she would take the hint and take it upon herself to climb on top of me and make THAT our special moment. I ended up just sadly laying on the floor.

2. shyrra took a very long drive to take advantage of a very short layover.

Drove 2.5 hours (each way) to an airport where a girl had 45 minutes between connecting flights.

Worked though, did it in the airport parking garage, no regrets.

3. To be fair, zadreth, I'm not sure this is ALL Amanda's fault.

Started smoking. Got laid for 3 months. Still have the habit 20yrs later.

Fuck you Amanda.

4. I must say, I have nothing but respect for Cookingforaxl.

You people are lame. Here's what happened to ME the time I tried to get a man to come home with me:

I was newly single and had gone on a ski trip with several friends. On the trip I hooked up with one of the guys - no big deal, fun evening, yada yada. We parted ways after the trip convened.

Several weeks later I am invited out by friends to a fancy pants night club. I'm jazzed because I got invited, and also because it was a nice place and I could go pretend to be one of the beautiful people in my town. I dress in a nice pair of fitted wool slacks, a matching long wool coat, understated jewelry and trendy boots. Yep, looking good girl! I say to myself on the way to the club.

I arrive and it's me and 4 men, one of whom is hook-up dude from the ski trip. No problem, we all laugh and flirt and have a good time drinking expensive martinis. The guys decide they want to go to a strip club. Not to be left out, of course now I want to go because a. it's too early to go home and b. I got all dressed and shit, might as well go somewhere else. (And I like strip clubs anyway.) So we all head to the nearest club which happens to be the skankiest one in town.

We settle ourselves in and within an hour three of the four guys left the club, leaving ski-trip hook up dude and me. He plants himself at the stage and is happily waving dollars around. He is quite drunk. I leave, feeling a little rejected because, you know. Strippers command attention.

I go to my car but before I get in I think to myself, "self, you are a fine, good looking woman! And you want a little sumpin sumpin, so just go back in there and GET THAT MAN." I draw myself up to my full 5'4", stick my hands in my pockets and strut across the parking lot, determined to be the confident modern woman I see on television.

With my eyes focused on the entrance I do not see - not even a teensy, tiny bit - do not see the large white concrete tire stopper in the parking lot. I tripped over it. Well, I didn't just trip, I launched over it as if my boots had suddenly discharged tiny rockets from their heels. My hands flew out to stop my fall but I was moving too fast. I skidded across the gravel parking lot on my chest, coming to a stop a good three feet from the concrete block. In my shock and pain, I still didn't actually see what happened. I thought a car hit me.

Now, dear Redditors, this is the moment when most of you would have crawled back into your car and called it a night. But no - I was on a mission, damn it! I got up and took inventory. My slacks were torn at the knee. Both palms were bloody and had pebbles embedded in them. My shirt was torn. Snot was coming out of my nose. My navy blue coat was grey with dust. I walked to the door man. He took a step back and asked what happened. I told him I needed to go back in to get my 'friend.' He stepped aside and I marched in, determined now more than ever to get Ski hook up to come home with me.

Mr. Ski dude is still where I left him, happily stuffing dollars into a girl's panties. I sat down next to him. He turned his head and in a very shocked voice said, "Oh My God, what happened?" I held out both bloody palms and shouted (because it was loud in there) "I FELL!" He picked up some soggy cocktail napkins and tried to blot up the blood. Then, his face changes and he says, "why did you come back in here?"

AND THAT's WHEN I MADE MY MOVE.

I wiped the snot and dirt off my face. I smiled sexily back at him. I tilted my head and said, "I came for you."

He recoils. Like, almost off the chair. I wait for his answer and finally he says, "uhhh, I want to stay." That hangs in the air for a couple of awkward seconds. He turns back to the stage. I sat there with a few balled up napkins stuck to my palms.

I was defeated. I got up from my seat at the stage and realize I was just rejected by a man I had ALREADY HAD SEX WITH. Man, that stung. But my hands were hurting even more. I went to the bathroom which, if you've never been in a strip club, also doubles as the girls dressing room. I walked in and immediately one of the dancers grabbed my hand, took me to the sink and tried to wash out the grit. Others helped by blotting the blood off my knee and smoothing my hair. Bless those women. I don't know if they witnessed my complete humiliation but none said a word. They cleaned me up and sent me on my way.

Some months later, I happened to see Ski Dude again. Quietly, so nobody could hear, I looked him in the eye and said, "look, dude. If a girl comes to you bleeding from four different places, her clothing torn and dirty, and says she wants you to take her home, what she really wants is to GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, got it?" He nodded. I stalked off indignantly. If I couldn't get laid, at least I could get the last word.

I still have a pebble embedded in my palm as a reminder of my worst attempt at getting laid in my entire life

5. shinyhappycat had a particularly cringeworthy karaoke performance. Yikes.

Did karaoke. I chose "My neck, my back" and sung it directly at the person I wanted to shag. Yeah, didn't work!

6. I wonder if Y0URmathT3ACH3R has watched Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. This story has essentially the same plot.

Sorry, this is long: A female teacher and I started at our first year teaching the same year. She was married and ended up separating and moving across the country at the end of the year. Didnt know her that well so a year goes by without seeing or talking to her. I end up seeing her at the store when she was visiting her friends and family. We talk and she tells me where she moved and that she liked it and in the process of getting a divorce... How you doin? We begin to email and talk on the phone fairly regularly, and it seems we both enjoy talking to each other. Six months later it's Christmas and she is back in town and we have dinner and a movie. Get a little handsy. We continue to talk on the phone and since i wasnt tied down, i was looking to move somewhere, i made the most sense to check out where she moved to, so i did, liked it(i liked her so, i liked it) and i got a job at a school, bought a condo, and moved across the country. I told myself and others it was just a change of venue and this was a good place, but let's face it, I moved for her. Not for sex so much as a relationship. We continued to talk everyday until the move and I visited twice more that school year. My friends and I drove across the country and start getting my place set up. They didnt really know her so we make plans to hang out that night. We go out to some bars and i notice she is acting kind of weird. After an hour or so, she introduces me to a guy she knows. (See where this is going) Turns out the guy isnt just a guy she knows but the guy she is seeing. The school I was employed at sucked, it was an at-risk school, but the principal failed to tell me that even after I inquired many times. The housing market also dropped so the condo wasnt worth very much. I ended up staying the year then moving back to my first school. There's more but that's most of it. TLDR: moved across the country for a girl, she starts dating someone else

7. A lot of us made the mistake of paying to see this movie, TooBadFucker. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Paid actual money to sit in a theater and watch Twilight 2. It worked though.

8.rise2glory's story has a heartbreaking ending.

Used to have a thing with this girl but she was only living in my town working and she was let go and moved hours away. We were friends on Facebook but I stopped talking as she was out of sight out of mind as sorts. Anyway out drinking with my friends and was going hard as was after watching Man Utd play at 1 that day and we all support them so we were going hard.

Around 9pm we heard that a pub down the road was having a party and all of us super drunk go and I thought I saw her but I couldn't be sure so i said I was seeing things until phone beeped and message on facebook from her are you in _______ pub?????

ended up going over and necking on all was well. She was staying in her friends for the night and wanted me to come but I was super drunk and tired as was drinking for about 14 hours at this stage. I said no said goodbye and went home. Woke at 4am and was still drunk saw she drunk messaged me also was clear if I went I was guaranteed sex.

Problem was she was staying in a friends house on a private estate about 8 miles out of town and I was far too drunk to drive and where I'm from a small town a taxi at 4 is impossible. I DECIDED TO WALK. The whole road up is pitch black and the only reason I didn't get lost was because my mate lived on the road and had walked it many times drunk but never alone and it was so eerie.

I reached the estate and, somehow, managed to scale a 10 foot wall I land down and .... SHIT... the whole lane of the estate is pitch black and no lights and I turn on my phones flash and I had 8% battery. Now I've been in the estate before but did not know it and had no clue where the house was but know 8% wasn't enough to get there. Every bone in my body was telling me this was a terrible idea and to go back but the chance of sex was there so I went halfway to the house. Phone died.

After 2 hours in the dark finally found the house got there and boom. Forgot a condom. SMH

9. We're glad that bacon helped lavachequipisse find their way back to their true self.

Became a vegetarian for 9 long months. Not even a grope before a dirty bacon sandwich brought me back to my senses.

10. This is pretty smooth. Well played, diab0lus.

Crashed a funeral at a church by myself for someone I didn't know. Signed the guest book, paid respects, etc. Fortunately no one asked me any questions. The girl I was trying to hook up with was hired to sing at the funeral. She thought it was hilarious that I showed up. During the ceremony I texted her a comment about how easy it would be to clean bukkake from the cathedral floor. It was entertaining watching her try to fight back laughter while sitting behind the priest conducting the funeral.

The hook up attempt was successful.

Single woman's hilarious Christmas card shows her real, true, cheesy love.

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How over Christmas cards are you? I mean, what are they, really, but yearly reminders from other people how great they're doing, pictures of them with their spouses, and then their children, while us single folks have nothing to pose with but a dog or maybe a car?

What a nice break it is, then, from the endless pictures of holiday-sweatered couples and toddlers clogging up our mailboxes to see this woman, who dedicated her Christmas card to her true love in life—a slice of pizza.

The genius behind the "Christmas card of a single woman" is Sarah Collins, who posted it on Reddit using her account, myfakeredditname5.

Speaking to Huffington Post, Collins, 28, explained,

I am single and most of my friends are married and have kids and give out cute Christmas cards each year. I wanted to show myself and my love this Christmas season.

I chose pizza because it’s always answers my calls, comforts me when I need it, and gives my stomach a warm hug. I foresee that Pizza and I will be together for a long time to come. Even if I find another love I believe that pizza and I will keep an open relationship.

Nice job on the obligatory sonogram picture, too.

And don't worry, cat lovers, that's apparently Collins' plan for next year.

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