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Independence Day or Independence Day The Movie?
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Brave interviewer captures commuters at their lowest moment: right after missing the train.
How people react to a train pulling away is the #1 determinant of success in life.
We've all been there: you see someone miss a train and you think to yourself, "what the heck happened to that person? How can they deal with this crushing disappointment? Where did they go wrong in their lives?" Comedian Dan Wilbur (Someecards writer/editor) isn't afraid to ask the tough questions in his hard-hitting report, "You Just Missed The Train." This, truly, is the deepest anyone has ever dug into the consciousness of the train-misser:
The good news is that it sounds like these people will, someday, somehow, be OK. Society and science still don't know enough about the long-term effects of train missing, but now we know a little bit more about how the human spirit endures. And also which side the train to Coney Island is on.
(Created by Dan Wilbur)
(Shot and edited by Anya Garrett)
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The 17 most embarrassing Americans to ever post something on Facebook.
Being American means being free to decide what each holiday celebrates!
Loving America is awesome and fun and it's proof you're not a filthy commie, sure, but why is it that the people who tend to love it the loudest are the people we'd most like to keep quiet? With the connectivity of Facebook you can now tarnish the image of Americans faster than ever! Here are 17 Facebook posts that offer a prime example of how a few rotten Facebook Americans can make us all look bad.
You stay in "Amarica." It's all yours.
That's only in the movie Independence Day.
Thank God I was never taught to speak "American" then.
Sure, this guy didn't post his own photo, but he's pretty much our national mascot at this point. Even the bald eagle salutes him.
Tom is what the tea party would call a "wet blanket."
Andrew has seen some really huge frigging flags in his day.
Yes you are, and our forefathers fought for your freedom to fuck that cannon.
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It's arranged alphabetically, not by most-to-least obese.
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We need more fake-hair wearing sons of rich dads who declare bankruptcy
over and over again. That'll put us back on top.
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He was with them in spirit. Ghost Abe Lincoln never misses an alien fight.
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Shut up. All heroes are instantly American the minute they do heroism.
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What'd we just say! He's American and so is Red Bull.
What's more USA than super- caffeinated Kool Aid?
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Apparently, that whole "freedom of religion" thing really doesn't make
it into the schoolbooks anymore.
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Syd wants something catchier! I vote Welcome Back Kotter.
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On Independence Day, we all have our period while eating blue popsicles.
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Yeah that's Kim. She's our official greeter.
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Text message demonstrates the downside of being a vegetarian this weekend.
(Originally published 5/24/13)
Ouch. This is why summertime is a time of voluntary starvation for many vegetarians. No one wants to be the a-hole occupying half the grill with a single tofu dog just because they don't tolerate meat proximity. So this weekend, when you see your vegetarian friend sitting at the cookout without a plate in her hands, claiming she already ate, she's lying. She'd just rather faint from hunger than be accused of being high-maintenance. Show some empathy and help her find some hummus for God's sake.
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American tradition.
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Shameful celebration.
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Thinking ahead.
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American made.
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8 glorious idiots who really shouldn't have had access to fireworks (but we're glad they did).
(Originally published 7/3/12)
The Fourth of July is a time to proudly reflect on America's history. Specifically, our history of getting highly intoxicated and handling deadly explosives in the most irresponsible ways possible. Here are 8 of our favorite examples of people nearly blowing themselves into very stupid pieces, all in the name of patriotism. Or something.
We'll take the deafening blast of an improperly detonated firework over the sound of a car alarm any day.
As you can see, privately funded methods of space exploration are still in the testing phase.
Jesus would've been screaming his own name during that one.
Hopefully doctors refused to repair his charred genitals for the betterment of the human race.
It's just a shame the rocket didn't burn that haircut off.
"Was I not supposed to smoke inside the fireworks stand?"
Guys, stop fleeing in terror, you're missing the whole thing.
He's silently hoping the fire consumes him and finally takes him away from these people.
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Stuff it.
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19 ways to finally take your patriotism to the next level.
Every year, you go through the motions: put out the flag, put on some red, white, and blue, and ooh and aah for the fireworks. Isn't it about time you made your love for this country make a difference? Here's how you can channel that patriotism into action:
- Buy several American-made cars.
- Dismantle the racist, for-profit prison industrial complex while wearing an American flag bandana.
- Call up your congressperson and see what they're wearing.
- Teach a bald eagle why it doesn't matter whether Hillary Clinton has a grandchild.
- Paint your nails red, white, and blue and use them to gouge out a central banker's eyes. If he can't see why gold still matters, he doesn't deserve to.
- Queer Mt. Rushmore.
- Cultivate the West.
- Support American workers by patronizing American Apparel. In these turbulent times they need you now more than ever.
- America has a rich tradition of invention stretching back to Benjamin Franklin. Now, it's your turn. Invent something cool, like a sword that's also a wolf.
- Be a conscientious citizen and study up on which civil liberties you still have. Don't worry, it won't take long.
- Find out what an alderman is.
- Buy war bonds.
- Walk Boston's famous Freedom Trail and spend the whole time asking if you'll get to touch the freedom.
- Tell your children the tale of Paul Bunyan, his mighty blue ox Babe, and the pant-pissing terror they inspired across this noble land.
- Visit one of our nation's incredible national parks to kickstart the entrepreneurial spirit that made this country great. Imagine how many Sunglass Huts you could build there!
- Throw the Liberty Bell in a gulch. Fuck that cracked-ass bell, we don't need it.
- Swing by your local armed forces recruiting station and see if you can't sell them on this whole Iraq thing. It's best two out of three, you guys.
- Make an American flag out of real stars.
- Barbecue. Maybe it's helping?
(Dan Abromowitz doesn't know how to do anything. Follow him on Twitter.)
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No filter.
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Heated complaint.
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Warm feelings.
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Rare new cat finds the camera that's been secretly watching it.
Dafuq?
If you thought you'd seen every variation of cat video that nature will allow, have a seat. Some researchers discovered a rare new breed of cat video featuring a rare new breed of cat.
This clip features a Pallas cat—a breed of cat that was discovered high in the Himalayan mountains by researchers who went looking for snow leopards in Nepal—discovering the camera trap that was placed specifically to get a look at it.
And thus was born the new genre of cat video, Old Man Hermit Cats Freaked Out By Encroaching Society. Kind of makes "If It Fits, I Sits" seem downright pedestrian.
(by Bob Powers)
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Two guys missed the last flight out of Dallas, so they created 9 new (risky) ways to avoid boredom in the airport.
They forgot to yell "What time is it? Showtime!" in the air train before gymnastics.
Ben Borrello and Zach Searcy, the duo behind the YouTube channel BennyZ Productions, landed in Dallas International Airport late one night; too late, in fact, to make their connecting flight to Miami. Instead of heading to a nearby cheap hotel in defeat, or making a Celine Dion music video parody (as one does), they decided to pass the time by "doing things that we have always dreamed of doing in an airport."
These things apparently included playing King of the Hill on top of a shoeshine stand (seemingly using Greco-Roman Wrestling rules—an entirely upper-body fight), sprinting back and forth on the moving walkways (ok, we've all wanted to do that and not just at the airport), and playing card games with passed out people. Oh yeah, and recreating any given day on the New York City Subway.
I hope this took them a long time to film, but only because I would hate for them to have done all this and still had 6 hours to kill. As far as how airport employees reacted, Ben and Zach answered the question everyone wanted to ask:
Makes sense to me. It doesn't matter how badly you want to terrorize the world, no one is at the airport at 2am unless they absolutely have to be. But if you do have to be there, this is the way to do it.
Hope everyone gets home ok after this big vacation weekend! If not, at least you can make a viral video or two during your layover.
(by Johnny McNulty)
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American Apparel accidentally posted a pic of the Challenger disaster to kick off 4th of July weekend.
#Mistakes(Via)
When your trademark imagery is half-naked maybe-runaways looking frightened by a Polaroid flash, it's pretty tough to find a way to cross the line. American Apparel pulled it off just before America sunk deep into July 4th festivity when, according to their subsequent apology, one of their "unaware" social media employees reblogged a pic of the space shuttle Challenger explosion on the company's Tumblr page without realizing what it was.
The employee found it on the Tumblr of a designer and then shared the image to AA's followers, adding the tags #smoke and #clouds. Fans of plunging v-necks and silver leggings need their smoke and cloud pics yesterday, no time to reverse Google image search!
American Apparel later tweeted out the apology below, something they were probably hoping they wouldn't have to do anymore after ousting pervy company CEO Dov Charney.
With our sincerest apologies: pic.twitter.com/BOF43jScV0
— American Apparel (@americanapparel) July 3, 2014
Hopefully they can get back to sharing pics with more care and sensitivity, like so:
High-waist denim in classic shades: http://t.co/NAMWjiuxxxpic.twitter.com/FNZDbEtK9i
— American Apparel (@americanapparel) June 28, 2014
(by Bob Powers)
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Watch a little tiny dog break up a heated argument between two other little tiny dogs.
I told you bitches to play quietly! I worked a double yesterday!
When two little dogs lose their shit and start in with the dog fighting, the Bichon Frise of the house tears into the room like a stepdad with a hangover to tell them to cut it out with a quickness.
When it comes to having authority, the size of the bark is way more important than the size of the dog.
(by Bob Powers)
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An adorable goat tried to get comfortable in an inflatable chair, and inspired the Internet.
"Get a chair, they said. Humans use them, how hard could they be, they said."
This goat is a symbol of anyone who has still struggled despite having nice things in life. I know I should just be happy to have an inflatable chair! Maybe that wasn't who I was meant to be in life! Not everyone is cut out for air furniture! I was never loved as a kid! I should have been a singer! I...oh, here we go.
(by Johnny McNulty)
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - July 7, 2014
1. Beloved 'True Blood' Character Gets Appropriately Silly, Naked Death
[SPOILERS] People who are still bothering to watch True Blood in its seventh and final season suffered a crushing loss during last night's episode, when longtime series-regular Alcide the werewolf was shot while trying to protect his half-fairy girlfriend from a bunch of vampires with Hepatitis V. "I die naked in the woods with nothing but my sock on. Given Alcide’s track record on the show, I was like, 'that’s about right,'" actor Joe Manganiello explains wistfully.
I think I enjoy True Blood too much to qualify as a "smart person".
— Susan Burke (@ThatSusanBurke) July 1, 2014
2. Is Boba Fett Finally Getting The Movie He Never Actually Deserved?
Godzilla director Gareth Edwards has been chosen to helm the first of several Star Wars spin-off films. Many fans are speculating that the subject of the movie, set to hit theaters in 2016, will be none other than Boba Fett, the Mandalorian bounty hunter who transported Han Solo's already-catatonic body to Tatooine before being easily and accidentally dispatched by a blind man and falling into the mouth of a Sarlacc, in which he was slowly and painfully digested for over a thousand years. Temuera Morrison is rumored to be reprising his role as the character, who remains a fan favorite for obvious reasons.
I'm sorry--they're making a Boba Fett movie? THAT IS JUST A MOVIE ABOUT A HELMET.
— Lindy West (@thelindywest) May 22, 2014
3. Time For A National Ban On Straight Marriage — Study Shows Same-Sex Partners Raise Healthier Kids
The children of same-sex parents not only "demonstrate higher levels of family cohesion than population samples," but appear to display higher levels of "health and wellbeing" than their friends and classmates with straight parents, according to a new study that will be roundly ignored by anti-gay religious groups everywhere.
Largest ever study of same-sex parents was just released and it's scientifically proven to drive Pat Robertson insane http://t.co/M69d05yPos
— ThinkProgress (@thinkprogress) July 6, 2014
4. The Jellyfish Are Coming To Take Back Their Planet
According to recent reports from around the world, the global population of jellyfish is currently skyrocketing, due at least in part to changing sea water temperatures as the planet's climate continues to change. If this keeps up, within a few years, our oceans will become naught but a roiling tumble of glistening and undulating Pelagiidae. And that won't be nearly as pleasant as it sounds.
Screw you, Jellyfish! I’m already soaked in urine.
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) June 16, 2014
5. World's Tallest Water Slide Finds World's Bravest Man To Test It Out
The Schlitterbahn water park in Kansas City, Kansas is all set to unveil the Verrückt, the highest water slide in the world. At nearly 169 feet in the air, it is taller than either the Statue of Liberty and Niagara Falls. Here is footage of some crazy guy testing it out:
A fun response when someone asks how a relative died is to sadly explain that "tigers chased him down a water slide."
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) July 16, 2013
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
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