Sorry reading this on social media means you already broke your New Year's resolution to quit social media.
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May your resolution to give up drinking this January make it clear you need to give up drinking from February to December.
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The best cure for a hangover is being under 25.
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May the stress of your weight loss resolution not lead to relentless binge eating.
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Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy
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For your January birthday, I got you the gift of helping rationalize that it's okay to break your New Year's resolutions.
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Hard to believe I ruined my life over one tiny mistake I made 100 times.
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My workout buddy is a picture of my ex.
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I'm looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I've been tired since 2008.
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The closest I get to a vacation is taking off my bra at the end of the day.
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Panic attacks are my cardio.
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I've already accomplished my New Year's resolution of crying at a lower volume in the bathroom at work Monday morning.
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Billie Lourd speaks out after the deaths of her mother and grandmother.
Billie Lourd finally broke her silence about losing her mother, Carrie Fisher, and her grandmother, Debbie Reynolds, within a day of one another. The 24-year-old memorialized the two legendary actresses with an Instagram photo, and stopped to thank her fans for their support during this unfathomably difficult time. Fisher passed away on December 27th after suffering a heart attack, and Reynolds died the following day from a stroke.
Receiving all of your prayers and kind words over the past week has given me strength during a time I thought strength could not exist. There are no words to express how much I will miss my Abadaba and my one and only Momby. Your love and support means the world to me.
The Scream Queens star has posted about her mother (who she calls her "Momby") and her grandmother ("Abadaba") on her Instagram often in the past. Two weeks prior to their passing, Lourd told Seth Meyers that her Reynolds tried to deter her from becoming an actress. She was unsuccessful in her attempts.
Lourd is slated to adopt Fisher's beloved support dog, Gary Fisher. It is being reported byABC Newsthat Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds will share a joint-funeral.
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Viral video shows quick-thinking 2-year-old rescue his twin from precarious situation.
In a video that's now gone viral, two-year-old Bowdy Shoff of Orem, Utah can be seen rescuing his twin brother Brock after he gets pinned under a dresser. It's kind of like watching baby Clark Kent (Kal-El, whatever) hold up a car in Superman, only it's actually real.
According to Elite Daily, the video is from a CCTV camera in the boys' bedroom, and was posted on Facebook by their father, Randy Shoff. The incident apparently happened during a brief time during which their mother, Kayli, had gone out of earshot, and didn't hear the dresser topple over or Brock crying.
As scary as the footage is, it's amazing to see a two-year-old's little brain finally figure out how to move the dresser after several unsuccessful attempts. And as agonizing as this must be for parents to watch, it's reassuring to see siblings looking out for each other, even when their parents aren't there to protect them.
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Eva Amurri Martino opens up about PTSD symptoms after her infant son was dropped on his head by a nurse.
Eva Amurri Martino, actress and daughter of Susan Sarandon, is opening up about her son's head injury after being dropped by a night nurse. Her infant son Major, who is only 10-weeks-old, is thankfully fine, but Amurri Martino recalled the scary experience and it's aftermath on her lifestyle blog,HappilyEvaAfter.
A couple of days after Thanksgiving, our Night Nurse fell asleep while holding Major and dropped him, and he cracked his head on the hardwood floor. Kyle and I were sleeping at the time and were awoken by the sound of his head hitting the floor, and then hysterical piercing screams. He suffered a fractured skull and bleeding on his brain, and was transported by ambulance to Yale Medical Center where I spent two harrowing days with him to receive emergency care and further testing.
Amurri Martino called these two days the most "traumatic and anxious" of her life, and they were only exasperated by the fact that she has an irrational phobia of hospitals. Luckily, Major's injuries ended up being a lot less severe than they could have been.
But here’s the good part: by the grace of all of his many angels, and every God one cares to pray to, MAJOR IS FINE. Completely fine. Though he had the fracture, some skull displacement, and bleeding, the skull did not touch his brain and the bleeding was localized. Further MRI’s showed no brain damage and we were discharged by experts in pediatrics and neurology with as excellent of a prognosis as we could have ever hoped for. We were absolutely, divinely lucky that day.
However, Amurri Martino is experiencing a lot of stress and depression following the harrowing incident. She writes extensively about the guilt she grapples with over the accident, and how she now struggles with letting anyone but herself care for her son. She speculates that she is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, since even hearing her son's cries triggers nausea and dizziness. She plans on taking a break from blogging to focus on her mental health and her son's recovery.
After publishing the blog post, Amurri Martino addressed those who supported her and those who criticized her parenting skills in an Instagram post.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has reached out with words of comfort or to share their own stories the past 24 hours. It is so moving to know there are so many of you who are wishing our sweet boy well, and who are rooting us on as a family.
I'd like to say one thing, which is that Parenthood is not a competition. Nobody gets an award at the end of all of it for doing it the best or most perfect way. All that matters is how we make our children feel, how we feel about them, and how we feel about ourselves as parents.
To those who have expressed judgement, cruelty, and criticism of me, my choices, or my fragility during this time- I'm not going to justify myself to you. But I sincerely wish that 2017 brings you enough self love and confidence that you no longer feel the need to tear down another person during their darkest moment. ❤🙏🏼✨ Peace, please.
Xx EAM
You can read Eva Amurri Martino's blog post in full here.
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Leslie Jones responds to her tormenter Milo Yiannopoulos' new book deal with understandable Twitter fury.
Back in July, Twitter banned Milo Yiannopoulos from his most explosive platform after he "rallied and directed" hundreds of racist trolls against Leslie Jones.
Over the holidays, publishing house Simon & Schuster—through their imprint Threshold Editions—offered Milo Yiannopoulos another platform when they signed him to a book deal reportedly worth $250,000.
Here's one of Yiannopoulos' tamer statements, a caption to an Instagram portrait that reads, simply, "Newsflash: feminism is still Cancer [sic]."
Quite the senior quote.
After the obvious backlash against the publisher for signing the Breitbart tech editor, Simon & Schuster defended themselves with the following statement:
We do not and never have condoned discrimination or hate speech in any form. At Simon & Schuster we have always published books by a wide range of authors with greatly varying, and frequently controversial opinions, and appealing to many different audiences of readers. While we are cognizant that many may disagree vehemently with the books we publish we note that the opinions expressed therein belong to our authors, and do not reflect either a corporate viewpoint or the views of our employees.
"Yea but you still help them spread their hate to even more people," responded Jones, before going further and expressing frustration at how people perceive her for trying to fight back.
Perhaps to prove her point, she then pivoted to all the good TV on that night.
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This mashup of every Carpool Karaoke is the club remix of your dreams.
The Late Late Show with James Corden's Carpool Karaoke segments are a joy to behold. YouTuber AnDyWuMUSICLAND, who must be some kind of musical internet genius, created a mashup of every single Carpool Karaoke segment to ever grace our television screens. All of the artists that joined James Corden on his musical road trips from 2015-2016 are included in the mashup.
If you love Carpool Karaoke, you're going to love this. It features all your favorites, including Adele, Stevie Wonder, and even First Lady Michelle Obama.
This is the club remix of your dreams. (At least I assume it is. I don't go to clubs. But if I did, this would be what I wanted to dance to.)
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Thirsty dude finds out girl gave him a dude's number, doesn't let that stop him.
The internet is full of screencapped text conversations with desperately thirsty dudes. But unlike most, this one is refreshingly progressive. It happened to Imgur user fucboideluxe back in 2015, but recently went viral after he shared it online. It's not hard to see why—you have to respect this rando's hustle (if not his spelling).
So polite!
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25 of the funniest women on Twitter this week: Drugs, deodorant, 2017, and more!
Jokes about drugs, deodorant, the new year, and more, in the 25 funniest tweets by women this week!
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Lea Michele ushers in 2017 by posting a naked picture of herself.
New year, same Lea Michele.
The Glee actress uploaded a cheeky nude picture to her Instagram to ring in 2017, as if you needed more of a reminder that your resolution was to go to the gym more this year. Looks like someone didn't go overboard with the pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes this holiday unlike the rest of us. Damn celebrities.
"Loving you so far 2017," wrote Michele accompanying the naked pictured where a purposefully placed leaf emoji hid her crack. It is like the 2017 version of the fig leaf used to cover statues' junk.
Michele is cool with going nude, though. She posed in the buff on the cover of UK's Women Health. If you had her body, you would probably lounge around naked all day, too.
Maybe Lea Michele resolved to be naked more this year? Seems more doable than learning a second language or meditating every day.
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