Rob Kardashian posted a photo to Instagram of his and Blac Chyna's adorable 2-month-old daughter Dream. And it's a very sweet tribute except for one minor detail which makes you hope he deletes it by the time she's old enough to read.

The caption reads:

Dreamy Dream bean got her first shot today and she is 2 months old ! Woohoooooo 😊😊 I wanted a boy so bad and now that I got my girl I am so Thankful and Happy for her and wouldn't want it any other way ! She is the best and I love her so much and I thank God every day for her cuz she is the best and she is my best friend :) LOL I love her so much ‼️=

"I wanted a boy so bad" is probably not an uncommon sentiment among dads (just as I've heard many pregnant women admit to wanting a baby girl). But it's one of those things you don't have to say out loud. Or post on Instagram to your 8.4 million followers.

Even Dream's face in this pic seems to say "DAFUQ, DAD?"

Then he (sort of) saves it, writing: "now that I got my girl I am so Thankful and Happy for her and wouldn't want it any other way !"

So, that's nice, I guess. Still he could've just left off the first part, right?

Also, let's not forget ​that "gender" is how someone defines or expresses themselves according to social norms. Whereas "sex" is what you are assigned at birth. Kardashian's own stepmother, Caitlin Jenner, is proof that the sex you are born with may not match your gender identity later in life.

So, that's a little Gender Studies 101 for Rob Kardashian. I'm sure he's reading this right now and thinking "Ah ha! Wow! You've really opened my eyes, thank you."

You're welcome, Rob. I'm so glad we could talk this out.

As anyone with grandparents knows, when you're over 70 (or simply just adorably old), you can get away with doing and saying whatever you want (that's one of the many reasons why Betty White is a delight in every movie she graces). It's an honor you earned with time. Row Ramsay's 77-year-old grandma Hazel is no exception.

When one of Hazel's Facebook friend's Alison proudly posted a picture of her baby potato scones, and Hazel couldn't keep her thoughts to herself.

She tells it like it is.

"They look shite hope they tasted better than they looked" is a solid burn.

"She’s always like that just does not care no beating about the bush she’s hilarious!" Rowan toldMetro UK.

Twitter couldn't get enough of savage granny, with Row's tweet getting over 7,000 retweets and over 28,000 likes.

Hazel got in an extra burn by showing the internet how it's done. Not just anyone can pull off homemade tattie scones.

Parenting a defiant teen can be rough, so when one mom's 13-year-old daughter refused to come home when she was supposed to, her mom got sweet, sweet "revenge" by wearing embarrassing pajamas to come pick her up.

AMumsnet user posted a story to the forum saying she'd had a stressful week at work, with her husband, and with helping her youngest daughter finish an art project, and explained that her 13-year-old daughter decided to go out with friends.

She continued:

Fine, I went to put washing away and found all the clean washing I put up previously dumped on the floor so was slightly cross - raging mad - when she text to say not coming home at agreed time so I should come and fetch her two hours later.

Uh-oh. You can just see that mom rage bubbling to the surface. But wait, it gets worse.

"I tried to call repeatedly and got diverted. I text asking her to call and explaining this wasn't acceptable," the mom explained. "She text back I was being unfair and she wasn't leaving till she was ready."

Rookie mistake. This 13-year-old will soon discover that hell hath no fury like a mother ignored.

So what did this mom do? She put on her most embarrassing pajamas, and went out to find her daughter.

"I decided to go fetch her there and then, in my fetching teddy bear pyjamas and zebra dressing gown," she revealed. "I walked around town till I found her - and to say she was mortified was an understatement. I don't think I'll even need to ground her."

Moms: 1, angsty teens: 0.

If you were fortunate enough not to watch Donald Trump's press conference Wednesday morning—or you had the volume down in a futile attempt to preserve your sanity—you may have missed a most testy exchange between CNN reporter Jim Acosta and Fox News-watcher Donald J. Trump.

At the press conference, Trump denounced the nuanced CNN report—that said intelligence agencies had briefed Obama and Trump on certain unverified memos—as "fake news."

While some have criticized BuzzFeed's bombshell article (Trump called the website a "failing pile of garbage") for exposing the actual, unverified memos, it seems like most journalists have no qualms with CNN's carefully worded report.

Still, Trump was wounded by CNN for "going out of their way to build [the story] up." What followed at the press conference was childish, at best. And fairly unbelievable (if this wasn't 2017).

Here's the printed exchange, although you need to watch the video above for the full, chaotic effect:

"Now, Mr. President-elect, that's not appropriate!" said Acosta at last, which is, we can all admit, one of the most pointless things you can say in this modern political era.

After the conference, Acosta shared on-air that Trump's press secretary Sean Spicer threatened to kick him out of the room if he tried again to participate.

CNN has since released a statement responding to the businessman's claims of "fake news."

CNN's decision to publish carefully sourced reporting about the operations of our government is vastly different than Buzzfeed's decision to publish unsubstantiated memos. The Trump team knows this. They are using Buzzfeed's decision to deflect from CNN's reporting, which has been matched by the other major news organizations.

We are fully confident in our reporting. It represents the core of what the First Amendment protects, informing the people of the inner workings of their government; in this case, briefing materials prepared for President Obama and President-elect Trump last week.

We made it clear that we were not publishing any of the details of the 35-page document because we have not corroborated the report's allegations. Given that members of the Trump transition team have so vocally criticized our reporting, we encourage them to identify, specifically, what they believe to be inaccurate.

An anonymous story recently posted to Quora is making the internet collectively shudder. It's not hard to see why—if it's true, then this woman lived through what many people would consider their worst nightmare. And even worse, her dad was the perpetrator. Before you read it, be warned that it may contain triggers for past sufferers of abuse.

I was 17 at the time talking to my best friend. She started to ask about my sex life because she was still a virgin. I told her everything.

I heard a moan during our conversation. Turns out my father was listening in on our phone call and masturbating. Then the next day, he gets mad at me for being sexually active. And all I could think about is, “You sick fuck!” I never told my friend about it either because she told me her fantasies and I didn't know how she’d react.

Someone asked how did I know if he was masturbating? Well during our convo, there was more than one moan. There were a couple times when we both asked each other what that noise was. Being young and careless, we kept talking and talking. I don't have a 100% way to know for sure, but sometimes when you have a strong gut feeling about something, you go with it.

Another commenter asked if my dad had demonstrated behavior like this before. Yes there's more. I found a recording device in the bathroom when I was visiting home years later. I saw a red light in the air vent and decided to open it. (The red light I saw was actually light reflecting off of the lens I think). There was a small camera connected to a 9 volt battery and a chip. I was unsure what it was, but figured it was a video camera. It was the size of my thumb. I told my mom about it and she freaked out.

My mom confronted him about it and he confessed he put it there because he thought my sister was doing drugs in the bathroom. My sister was 14 at the time. I know for a fact she was never doing drugs. She never has to this day (11 years later). There was a VCR that was recording the videos hidden in his computer room.

We never told my sister about it. My mother somehow forgave him, but they ended up divorcing years later.

What would you do in that situation? Keep it secret for years, then anonymously publish it on the internet? Us too.

If you've every left your dog's poop behind and then noticed that someone else has cleaned it up, be aware, someone like reddit user ThisShitIsNotFunMan may be saving it for a horrific revenge.

Polite neighbor ThisShitIsNotFunMan swears he was trying to keep things cordial with his new neighbors at the condominium community where he recently bought property, but an entitled resident broke his sense of decency down to its dark smelly center after she refused to pick up after her dog.

In our hero's own words.

About a couple of months ago, this woman moved in a few units over with a large boxer. Having two large dogs myself, I was happy to see more big dogs in the area (most the people around here have little foofy dogs).

One day, I walked outside to see a large pile of dog shit and this lady hastily walking away. I called out kindly - "excuse me ma'am, please clean up after your dog". She looked back, gave me a sour look, and continued walking away.

Okay, whatever, no big deal. I'll give her a freebie this time so I cleaned up after her and threw it away trying to be a good neighbor.

Everyone gets one free poop.

I let the first one slide, but this happened FIVE MORE TIMES IN THE SAME WEEK. Finally I confronted her and said "ma'am, I'm sick of cleaning your dogs shit and stepping around it every day. Please clean it up."

I shit you not, and I wish I was exaggerating. She looked me right in the eye and said "I paid for a condo too, I'll leave my shit wherever I want". She then briskly walked off while I stood in shock.

This is about where many of us would be looking into how much the insurance policy would provide if we just burned the place to the ground, but ThisShitIsNotFunMan had a better plan.

The poop plan.

Finally, I snapped. So I began to save every piece of shit that dumb bitch left in front of my house for around two straight months. I had a HEFTY GARBAGE BAG FULL OF IT (imagine what you use to clean leaves up in, it was that big). I won't lie, I threw quite a bit of my own dog's excrement in there for good measure. I mean come on, just her dog wasn't going to cover the amount needed. That bag was FUCKING. HEAVY.

He kept a sack of poop in his house?

Our narrator says not exactly, the condos come with individual cellars that provided the perfect poop-bag hiding spot until he was ready for phase two of his revenge.

Two months later...

I waited until 4 am on Monday morning before I walked up to her condo and dumped that bag right on her small tiny condo lawn. It was worth every second of patience.

Sure enough, come 7 am there's a bang on my door - and it's my lovely neighbor.

"You need to come fucking clean this shit up RIGHT NOW!" - she screamed in my face.

I smiled "sorry ma'am, I paid for a condo here too. I'll leave my shit wherever I want."

Omg. The look on her face must have been priceless.

So you're probably wondering, didn't this guy get in trouble for dumping pounds of poop on his neighbor's doorstep? Nope. The lady tried to complain to the condo association, but by that time she had pissed off so many residents that she had a file built against her for being a terrible neighbor. You can read all the details here.

Payback's a bitch.

While conservative commentator Tomi Lahren's leaps in logic might have you ask, "woah, is she kidding?", for the most part, Tiny Tom wants to be taken seriously.

But, Tauntaun has made her first foray into standup comedy (even though she's sitting down) with a viral video, which uses comedian Jeff Foxworthy's famous "You might be a redneck" punchline as part of the conservative quest to turn "snowflake" into an insult.

Tiffany has such zingers as, "If Donald Trump's tweets bother you more than the four Americans we lost in Benghazi...you might be a snowflake."

If you hurl "insults" at someone for being skeptical about a Trump presidency, for contemplating how historic inequality affects the present, and are angry at people for holding different views... you might be a snowflake.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

We have more in common with rich, famous people than we think. Take for example Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, who proved yesterday that, just like the rest of us, he's obsessed with his dog.

Zuckerberg posted a video to Facebook (obviously) showing an employee creating a 3D-printed mini version of Zuckerberg's dog, Beast.

Zuckerberg specified that the mini-Beast was in honor of the real Beast's sixth birthday. (To be fair, it was also kind of an ad for Oculus Medium, Facebook's new VR sculpting app.)

But the not-so-subtle self promotion doesn't take away from the fact that Zuckerberg had an artist take time out of his day make a 3D-printed version of his dog, so that he could give it to his dog as a birthday present.

I have never found Mark Zuckerberg more relatable than I do in this moment. I hope he also threw Beast a proper party.

Thousands of people across the internet are cringing today at a viral Craigslist ad from "Gordon," a 56-year-old divorcé who wants a young woman to go to Coachella with him and fulfill all of his quasi-sexual, extremely specific desires. The post, which has since been deleted, was shared on the Los Angeles message board. If it seems normal to you at first, keep reading.

Here's Gordon's full listing:

COACHELLA VIP WEEKEND 1 PASS: free for the right person

Ok here’s the deal. I have a VIP Pass for Weekend 2. I’m willing to give it away for free to the right person. I’m looking for a travel “companion” that can enjoy the festival with me and just have a good time. I left my job as Supervising Manager at Soup Plantation and subsequently divorced my wife of 11 years. I cashed out my 401k and decided that moving forward, my life is all about having fun! No more team meetings, no more employee evaluations, no more balance sheets, no more darn conference calls at 7am. JUST FUN! I have a room at the Tropics Motor Motel in Indio Thursday through Monday. If you believe you can meet the below criteria, please shoot me an email and describe why you think you make the best fit. I appreciate your time and look forward to finding the right “one”!

1. Must be female between the ages of 19 and 25
2. Must be comfortable traveling in a Recreational Vehicle (Vintage Shasta Chinook 3100 – pic attached).
3. Must have fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband, small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc).
4. Preferably have a playlist of various Coachella artists on phone we can listen to on ride over.
5. Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times.
6. Must be open-minded and opportunistic.
7. Must be ok with periodic hand-holding (perhaps during certain sensual songs and while walking into the festival initially).
8. Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painted and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit.
9. I will provide snacks such as beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches but if you have additional snacks and/or drinks…BIG BONUS!
10. Being social is fine but no excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers, and most definitely NO PUBLIC AFFECTION with other festival-goers (violation of this rule results in immediate removal of Tropic Motor Motel room privileges and maybe even return ride).

11. Periodic moments of extended eye contact.
12. Allow me to brush your hair once per day (not mandatory, but encouraged).
13. Must not be into drugs, pot ok.
14. Must take a minimum of four photos of us together and post them to your Instigram account.
15. Any personal grooming such as toenail clipping, eyebrow plucking or lipstick application must be done in my presence.
16. At least once during festival, you must allow me to carry you on my shoulders so you can see stage better (perfect time for instigram photo!)
17. At least twice during the festival you must tell me in a playful manner that “I am naughty”.
18. At some point in time during the festival you must tell me that “you didn’t know how this would go, but you’re actually having a really good time”.
19. At least once during our stay after your shower, you must use the steam to write a cute message on the bathroom mirror for me to find later when I shower.
20. Must be ready to party and HAVE FUN!

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and as mentioned, an all expenses paid trip. If you think you’re the one, let me know and we can have a great time together. My name is Gordon and I am 56 years old from West Covina.

Best,

Gordie

Would you take this deal? If so, you lack a basic self-preservation instinct.

Idris Elba, actor, musician and sinnnnnngleeee, ladies, doesn't have a date for Valentine's Day (coincidentally, neither do I). But he will (it could be me, we'll see). Because he's auctioning off a Valentine's Day date with himself—to raise money for charity, of course.

WHERE DO I SIGN UP? (right here)

Elba, 44, shared a very flirtatious Facebook video describing the prize date. It sounds perfect. And based on its 5 million views, I'm not the only one interested.

"Idris Elba here," he says, next to a fireplace and a champagne spread. "And I'd like you to be my Valentine."

OK, I accept!

He continues:

We’ll get things started off with cocktails…or perhaps champagne. Once we’re feeling comfortable, we can order whatever your heart desires. Maybe some truffles, perhaps some steak. Pepper soup and fufu. That’s an African dish, and you pound the yams. And you know what? I’ll let you pound my yams.

You can enter here to win a chance to pound Idris Elba's yams. And it's even a reasonable price! For only $10, you get 100 entries to the competition.

And if you're rolling in dough, for $100 you could win a thousand entries AND this 🔥🔥🔥tee-shirt:

All the money raised will go to a charity called W.E. Can Lead, which provides mentoring support for young girls ​and women in Africa. Which is reason enough to enter the auction. As if you needed any reason other than Idris Elba's sweet, sweet yams.

May the best woman or man win! And may it be me!

Searches for "golden showers" on Pornhub have more than doubled in the past 24 hours, the site reports. AND everyone in my news feed is making pee jokes. Did I miss something???

JK of course. Everyone including your parents knows by now that Buzzfeed published an "unsubstantiated report" yesterday that claimed, among many things, that our President-elect once paid Russian prostitutes to pee in front of him at a hotel where the Obamas had recently stayed.

ICYMI, for the past 24-hours, it has been raining pee jokes and memes all over the internet. So it's no surprise that Pornhub has reported searches for the phrase "golden showers" are up 102% since yesterday, and searches for other pee-related terms (like "pissing" and "watersports") have increased by 71%.

Trump has vehemently denied the claims and trashed the news sites that published them, calling them "fake news." So we can't say if he did or did not pay anyone to pee in front of him. But it wouldn't be that surprising, now would it?

According to Pornhub user data, pee porn is most often searched for by men over 65. And men are far more likely to pee into it, I mean be into it, than women.

And where in the country are people most likely to be into water sports, you didn't ask? I'll tell you anyway: the top "honors" go to Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine in that order.

Oh those freaky New Englanders! Maybe NH should change it's slogan to "Live, Pee or Die." I'll be here all week!

Michelle Obama will only be serving as our country's first lady for seven more days, and some people are handling the reality of her departure pretty hard. Jimmy Fallon invited civilians to express their gratitude for everything the FLOTUS has done by inviting them to record messages for her, but they soon got the surprise of their lives when Mrs. Obama emerged from behind a curtain to greet her overwhelmed fans in the flesh. There were hugs, there were tears, and although you can't hear it on the video, I'm willing to bet at least one person whispered "DON'T GO" into her ear.

Is no one going to address how awkward it is to stand there and talk to a portrait of Michelle Obama? Oh well.

After meeting the first lady, Jimmy Fallon also popped out from behind the curtain, but no one seemed quite as excited to see him as they did Mrs. O. Maybe that is because they know they are in for four years of him tousling Trump's hair.

On Wednesday night's Tonight Show, FLOTUS (for just another week) Michelle Obama was serenaded by none other than her favorite performer (according to her appearance on Carpool Karaoke with James Corden), Stevie Wonder. The legendary musician serenaded Obama with two songs—"Isn't She Lovely" and "My Cherie Amour" (with the lyrics changed to "My Michelle Amour").

The man, the myth, the legend: Stevie Wonder!

Wonder performed along with house band The Roots, and by the end, guests Jerry Seinfeld, Dave Chappelle, Michelle Obama, and host Jimmy Fallon were all singing along to the "la, la, la, la, la, la" part. Grab some tissues, you're going to need them.

About 12 hours after Donald Trump's contentious, intense press conference, The Daily Show aired and Trevor Noah attempted to translate it into jokes.

In particular, Trump's shouting match with CNN's Jim Acosta disturbed Noah. Trump refused to let Acosta ask a question, denouncing his network as "fake news."

"Welcome to the next four years," said Noah, and you could feel the audience grimace. "That was one of the most frightening moments of today's presser for me... the press is supposed to be a check on the president, not the other way around."

"This is essentially the first step in the authoritarian tango."

Isn't that funny? Wait though, there also were jokes.

Noah turned what was to him a nightmare scenario into comedy when he imagined the press after years of President Trump shouting them into submission.

"Breaking news: Has Donald Trump been working out?"

Watch the full clip above, it's funny. Really.

Interviews with Kellyanne Conway, a top advisor to President-elect Donald Trump, are so frustrating to watch, I can't even begin to imagine trying to conduct one. In this clip from Wednesday night, CNN's Anderson Cooper tries to ask Conway about the two-page report that was allegedly appended to a document presented to Donald Trump (and Barack Obama) in an intelligence briefing. I say "tries" because he's not very successful, what with her constantly shying away from direct answers in her "pivot," a move for which she's fast becoming famous.

Kellyanne Conway claims over and over again that CNN's website links to Buzzfeed's posting of the full unverified document that alleges Russian officials have compromising information about Donald Trump. But CNN actually did not link to that site, they just mentioned Buzzfeed's name in their article. (How does Kellyanne Conway not understand what "linking" is?) As Anderson Cooper eventually tells Conway, "What you think and what is true and are not necessarily the same thing."

After taking a little break from the spotlight to focus on her health, Selena Gomez is easing herself back into the public eye. The former Disney channel star has recently made her return to Instagram, was seen out with new boo-thing, The Weeknd, and is completing the celebrity news trifecta by taking some topless pictures. She's back, baby!

The saucy picture was uploaded by celebrity photographer Mert Alas, pictured on the left, and is captioned "Beauty and the Beast." Gomez is wearing nothing but some winged eyeliner, giant earrings and a thong. She holds towel against her chest, revealing her back tattoo, which reads "love yourself first" written in Arabic.

Hold up. Selena looks great and I fully support her taking any picture she wants to, but this is all just a tad hypocritical since she basically said that she is against nude pictures on social media in her speech at the American Music Awards back in November. “I don’t want to see your bodies on Instagram," said Gomez. "I want to see what’s in here," placing a hand over her heart.

Well, maybe the singer had a change of tune. After all, the heart wants what it wants, and Selena's heart wants to take some sexy pics in a thong. More power to ya, girl!