Everyone knows that Donald Trump's top advisor Kellyanne Conway is a tough lady, but new reports that she got into a physical altercation at Trump's inaugural ball on Friday shows that she can also pack a punch (in heels, no less).

According to Page Six, Conway stepped between two tuxedoed men who got into a brawl on Friday evening at the Washington Convention Center just hours after Donald Trump was sworn in. According to a Facebook post from Fox News correspondent Charles Gasparino, the incident followed two "anarchist thugs" taunting Scott Baio, although it is unclear if that had anything to do with the subsequent fight or if it was a separate incident.

More detail on my post trump inaugural fun and games: first met my pal Scott baio outside the victory ball. We said hello when a bunch of anarchist thugs began to descend on us screaming "hey Chachi are u fascist?" One made an aggressive move toward us i shoved him away and he said "touch me again u little prick and I'll smack u" my response: "GFY asshole" that's when my producer Brian Schwartz intervened and crisis was averted. Part two was even more insane: inside the ball we see a fight between two guys in tuxes and then suddenly out of nowhere came trump adviser Kellyanne Conway who began throwing some mean punches at one of the guys. Whole thing lasted a few mins no one was hurt except maybe the dude she smacked. Now I know why trump hired her. Btw I exaggerate none of this-cg

A witness told the New York Daily News that Conway "punched one of them in the face with closed fists at least three times." We can only hope that she will be just as tough on ISIS as she was on that man's face.

Conway has neither confirmed, denied, or cried "alternative facts" on the allegations.

A delightfully British mom decided to dispense some advice while she sat, presumably getting pretty tipsy, on a train chugging wine from a plastic bottle. Here's a great wine hack to avoid looking like a wino:

Lucozade is like British Gatorade, so rest assured even if you can't get that magic, wine-hiding elixir, you can improvise with whatever's available. The people loved the simple brilliance of the "hack"—but in case you need it spelled out for you:

1. Purchase wine

2. Purchase bottle

3. Pour wine into bottle

4. Drink, shame free

The tweet went very viral, being shared nearly 9,000 times by Tuesday morning.

The 89th Academy Awards nominees were announced Tuesday morning, and unsurprisingly, La La Land is up for a record-breaking 473 Oscars. Kidding! It's only been nominated for a record-tying 14 Oscars, including Best Picture, Best Director (Damien Chazelle), Best Actor (Ryan Gosling) and Best Actress (Emma Stone).

The Oscars will be hosted by Jimmy Kimmel and will air February 26, 8:30 p.m. EST.

Here are all the nominees for the 89th Annual Academy Awards.

Best Picture

Arrival
Fences
Hacksaw Ridge
Hell or High Water
Hidden Figures
La La Land
Lion
Manchester By the Sea
Moonlight

Best Director

Denis Villeneuve (Arrival)
Mel Gibson (Hacksaw Ridge)
Damien Chazelle (La La Land)
Kenneth Lonergan (Manchester By the Sea)
Barry Jenkins (Moonlight)

Best Actor

Casey Affleck (Manchester by the Sea)
Andrew Garfield (Hacksaw Ridge)
Ryan Gosling (La La Land)
Viggo Mortensen (Captain Fantastic)
Denzel Washington (Fences)

Best Actress

Isabelle Huppert (Elle)
Ruth Negga (Loving)
Emma Stone (La La Land)
Natalie Portman (Jackie)
Meryl Streep (Florence Foster Jenkins)

Best Supporting Actor

Mahershala Ali (Moonlight)
Jeff Bridges (Hell or High Water)
Lucas Hedges (Manchester by the Sea)
Dev Patel (Lion)
Michael Shannon (Nocturnal Animals)

Best Supporting Actress

Viola Davis (Fences)
Naomie Harris (Moonlight)
Nicole Kidman (Lion)
Octavia Spencer (Hidden Figures)
Michelle Williams (Manchester by the Sea)

Best Original Screenplay

Hell or High Water (Taylor Sheridan)
La La Land (Damien Chazelle)
The Lobster (Yorgos Lanthimos, Efthymis Filippou)
Manchester by the Sea (Kenneth Lonergan)
20th Century Women (Mike Mills)

Best Adapted Screenplay

Arrival (Eric Heisserer)
Fences (August Wilson)
Hidden Figures (Allison Schroeder, Theodore Melfi)
Lion (Luke Davies)
Moonlight (Barry Jenkins, Tarell Alvin McRaney)

Best Animated Feature Film

Kubo and the Two Strings
Moana
My Life As a Zucchini
The Red Turtle
Zootopia

Best Foreign Language Film

Land of Mine
A Man Called Ove
The Salesman
Tanna
Toni Erdmann

Best Documentary – Feature

Fire at Sea
I Am Not Your Negro
Life, Animated
O.J.: Made in America
13th

Best Documentary – Short Subject

4.1 Miles
Extremis
Joe’s Violin
Watani: My Homeland
The White Helmets

Best Original Score

Jackie (Micachu)
La La Land (Justin Hurwitz)
Lion (Dustin O’Halloran, Hauschka)
Moonlight (Nicholas Britell)
Passengers (Thomas Newman)

Best Original Song

“Audition” (La La Land)
“Can’t Stop the Feeling!” (Trolls)
“City of Stars” (La La Land)
“The Empty Chair” (Jim: The James Foley Story)
“How Far I’ll Go” (Moana)

Best Cinematography

Arrival (Bradford Young)
La La Land (Linus Sandgren)
Lion (Grieg Fraser)
Moonlight (James Laxton)
Silence (Rodrigo Prieto)

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog attended Donald Trump's inauguration on Friday, and said some things that he could only get away with because he is a dog puppet with an oversized cigar in his mouth and not a human. Sporting a tiny "Make America Great Again" hat, Triumph poked fun at Trump supporters, Bikers for Trump, Mike Pence, and, of course, Donald Trump himself.

"Here, by the nation's Capitol, it's grey and overcast. Yes, the sun, just one more of the many big stars that refused to show up to this event," says Triumph of the ill-attended and overcast inauguration day. No one was safe from Triumph's scathing retort, including Donald Jr and Eric Trump, who the veteran comedian calls "the less motivated Menendez Brothers," to Vice President Mike Pence, who is so uptight that he "has to take a roofie to masturbate."

But, of course, Trump supporters will have no problem being called an "inspiring mass of overweight, over-age, predominantly white humanity" or being compared to Roseanne Barr and Guy Fieri. Republicans love not being politically correct, and Triumph is just about as PC as our current president.

Yesterday, we told you about newly-appointed White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer's longstanding feud with Dippin' Dots, the flash-frozen treat known as "the ice cream of the future." But as Spicer's tweets demonstrate, he disagrees with that slogan entirely.

That's just a sample. No one is sure why Spicer hates these little beads of ice cream so much (or why he still insists on lying about how many people attended Trump's inauguration), but Dippin' Dots isn't taking this lying down. CEO Scott Fischer chose to respond by publishing an open letter to Spicer on the brand's website. Then he shared it on Twitter, so they could be sure Spicer had see it.

Fischer's letter is a master class in brand management. He manages to debunk Spicer's points while remaining positive and friendly, as befitting a company that makes novelty ice cream for amusement parks. He also points out in a wonderfully subtle way that Spicer is attacking a homegrown American business that still manufactures in the heartland—which doesn't exactly mesh with this administration's stated agenda.

Dear Sean,

We understand that ice cream is a serious matter. And running out of your favorite flavor can feel like a national emergency! We’ve seen your tweets and would like to be friends rather than foes. After all, we believe in connecting the dots.

As you may or may not know, Dippin’ Dots are made in Kentucky by hundreds of hard working Americans in the heartland of our great country. As a company, we’re doing great. We’ve enjoyed double-digit growth in sales for the past three years. That means we’re creating jobs and opportunities. We hear that's on your agenda too.

We can even afford to treat the White House and press corps to an ice cream social. What do you say? We’ll make sure there’s plenty of all your favorite flavors.

Yours,

Scott, CEO of Dippin’ Dots

Will Spicer and the Trump administration take Fischer up on his offer? Will a Dippin' Dots ice cream social of the future be the first official event held at the Trump White House? Only one thing is for sure—if they do, it will be the most-attended event in White House history. Period.

We're all used to seeing Donald Trump's big, grimacing face on American late night shows and every other comedy platform in the states, but if you've ever wondered if Trump's just as mockable overseas—guess what? He is!

One Dutch satire show, Zondag met Lubach, hosted by Dutch comic Arjen Lubach, took on Trump's "America First" proclamation by making a convincing case for "Netherlands Second."

The video's narrated in that instantly recognizable Trump style, and contains some serious inside jokes that you'll probably understand anyway. Do the Netherlands really have a Pony Park? Wow. Looks like they're great already.

"We built an entire ocean, okay, an entire ocean between us and Mexico. Nobody builds oceans better than we do."

America invented stand up comedy, and now we're exporting Trump comedy, which almost makes this entire political circus worth it, wouldn't you say? You're welcome, world.

John Brennan, the former director of the CIA, is reportedly "deeply saddened and angered" at President Trump after Trump gave a speech on Saturday to the CIA at their headquarters in Langley Virginia. While giving his speech, Trump stood in front of a wall memorializing 117 fallen CIA officers, but instead of praising the CIA (or apologizing for dismissing their findings regarding the possible Russian hacking of the election), Trump instead blamed his feud with the intelligence community on his "running war with the media" and bragged about the size of his inauguration crowds.

Brennan's former deputy chief of staff Nick Shapiro gave the following statement:

Former CIA Director Brennan is deeply saddened and angered at Donald Trump's despicable display of self-aggrandizement in front of CIA's Memorial Wall of Agency heroes. Brennan says that Trump should be ashamed of himself.

On Twitter, journalist Kurt Eichenwald explained the details of Brennan's ire at Trump in a long series of tweets.

The full story told in his tweets reads,

I am going to try to explain why there is so much outrage in the intelligence agencies about what Trump did on Saturday in his CIA speech. Imagine having a campaign rally at the National Cemetary [sic]. Or a cocktail fundraiser amid the grave markers of US soldiers in Normandy. This "event'' Trump held, purportedly to greet CIA employees, was in the Memorial Wall room, where 117 CIA employees who died in service to our country are honored. Many more have died, and it takes special approval to receive a star on the wall or be listed in the book, called the Book of Honor. Many of the names of the fallen will never be known, because their identities have to be kept secret even in death. Rarely is that room used for anything, but when it is, solemn nature of it is recognized.

GW Bush was, I believe, the first president to hold an event there in 2001, but it was exceedingly respectful and in keeping with the meaning of the room. The second major event was an appearance by Obama after the killing of Bin Laden, when he went to the CIA to thank the ppl there for their often anonymous sacrifices that led to that success in the fight against terrorism. Again, solemn and fitting with the meaning of the room. Both Bush and Obama paid deep homage to those honored in the book and by the stars. CIA employees listened respectfully, but did not turn the events into rallies.

Then, Trump. He has the audacity to bring people from his team to cheer for him and sit in the front rows. I can't imagine CIA employees cheering and whooping it up at Memorial Wall. It would be like screaming "BOO-yah!" at a funeral. Trump made a single, over-the-shoulder mention of the stars. But he spent most of his time griping about the media, bragging about the number of times he had been on the cover of Time Magazine, and complaining that everyone was lying about numbers at his inauguration, and all the while, his professional cheerleaders who couldn't find their way to the CIA bathroom are sitting there, cheering for the many [sic] who apparently needs applause everywhere he goes. It was an abomination, perhaps the most disrespectful thing I have ever seen done by any president in that kind of place.

I felt sure we would hear from former director Brennan pretty fast. Why? Because one of those stars on the wall belongs to a close friend of his who died in service of this country. And he knows who all the others are as well. For him, I'm sure, it was like watching someone having a picnic on the graves in the National Cemetery. And then the same Trump staff that was too lazy or stupid to do the advance work on the CIA trip, so that they knew the meaning of the wall, go on TV to attack Brennan as a partisan hack for wanting a room of such enormous meaning to be treated with the solemnity it deserves. And that is an important element here. I actually don't blame Trump for this horror show on Saturday. Few people outside of govnt know the meaning of the wall. That was his staff's job, and they clearly had no idea what they were sending Trump to do. No sane person would agree to send a cheering squad. They are incompetent. Worse, they are arrogant, and respond to others pointing out their undeniable errors by attacking and whining. No, anger at the dishonoring of patriots who died is not partisan. U don't want criticism? Do your jobs better, and when u screw up, like u did by turning most solemn place in intel world as a rah-rah location, just admit it, apologize, and move on.

Shortly before he was set to appear on Good Morning Britain, Scottish dreamboat and Jedi Master Ewan McGregor pulled out of the interview over Piers Morgan's assholery, particularly his assholery over the Women's March.

McGregor was going to promote T2: Trainspotting on the show, but would rather not have to do it while giving a notorious a-hole a platform.

Obviously Morgan was mature about it.

Ah yes, the irony of Morgan saying "you should be big enough to allow people different political opinions." He was the one who wined about feminists in motion.

Obi-wan Ewan supported the marches, and said on Twitter than his daughters attended.

Morgan's "retort" kind of misses the point. According to The Guardian, Morgan said on the telecast, “Sorry that Ewan McGregor’s not here. He couldn’t bear the thought of being on the sofa with me because he doesn’t agree with me about the women’s march… I have to agree with what an actor thinks about a particular issue because they’re actors. And as we know actors’ views are more important than anybody else’s."

He then treated the world to an op-ed.

Imma let you finish, but Donald Trump is already the Kim Jong-un of Hollywood.

A dude like Morgan, while mostly famous for being the worst, has a career because he interviews celebrities. If celebrities don't grant him interviews, than Piers Morgan is just another misogynist with a Twitter account, and there's already plenty of those.

It might serve Morgan well to stop being awful.

A viral clip from Donald Trump's inauguration apparently shows Melania Trump flashing a radiant smile as her husband turns around to check in with her, only to instantly resume the world's most serious scowl as soon as his back's turned.

This behavior is probably random, likely a coincidence, and anything you read into it is pure, complete, total speculation.

That said, speculate away!

Here's a wider angle of the first lady's facial expression, which no one has yet dubbed #ScowlGate. Sleuths are pointing to the full video as proof that the viral clip has not been doctored. Skip to the 2:52:00 mark to see for yourself.

As the Women's March was full of Free Melania signs, this seems to play perfectly into that narrative, along with the budding #SadMelania trend.

Other incidents from the inauguration are important to consider here as well.

Of course, Melania Trump is not as innocent as the fun internet meme storylines would have you believe. Teen Vogue is becoming one of the more astute outlets when it comes to calling out the Trump family.

Imgur user tabithaaatutt6 works as a delivery girl for Papa John's. Recently, the 18-year-old had a profoundly unpleasant experience when she was forced to deliver a pizza during a tornado warning. The recipient wasn't at home when she first showed up, so she had to call him. Unfortunately, this meant that the dude now had her number. And as these texts prove, things quickly went downhill from there. She uploaded them with the title: "I love being a delivery girl."

She also provided some more context, just to silence anyone who would accuse her of being unprofessional.

Okay, I realize that this makes me look bad but hear me out - he took a picture of my ass when I was leaning in my car to get his pizza and I was still pretty pissed about it. This was an "unprofessional" response and I would like to clarify I would never have said any of this to a customer while working, but when you sexually harass an employee and then text them outside of work (he got my number because he wasn't at home when I tried to deliver his pizza and had to call him), the employee no longer has any obligation to treat you as a customer.

There's no arguing with that. If anything, she went easy on this guy. Let's just list his offenses:

1. Ordering a pizza during a tornado warning.
2. Not being home to receive his pizza (during a tornado warning).
3. Taking a picture of the teenage delivery girl's butt.
4. Saving her number to hit on her later.
5. Calling her "bitch."
6. Threatening to blackmail her if she didn't send him nudes.

This a-hole deserves to be in jail. And to never have pizza again.

Ryan Gosling is having a big week. Not only was he nominated for an Oscar, but he also had his new wax figure unveiled at Madame Tussauds wax museum's location in Berlin.

The image of the newest wax model of Ryan Gosling created a bit of a buzz on the interwebs after it was unveiled on Monday, with a lot of people calling it "creepy." Take a look for yourself.

I mean, hey. I can see where those people are coming from. Do wax Ryan Gosling's dead eyes make him look like he wants to murder someone? Sure they do. But you can't deny that no matter how creepy you make him look, Ryan Gosling will always be handsome.

And you know what? Somewhere out there, someone is writing the screenplay for a quirky rom-com where a sad, divorced insurance claims specialist and a peppy spin instructor unexpectedly find love when they're the only two single people who show up to a pie-baking class and are paired up to work together. Honestly, Ryan Gosling's wax figure could play either one of those parts and I'd watch the hell out of that movie.

TL;DR: Is the wax figure creepy? Sure. Would I still watch it portray the attractive male lead in a romantic comedy? YOU BET I WOULD.

Ever since a native New Yorker who lived in a golden Manhattan penthouse in a building that bears his name was elected president, his supporters have been accusing New Yorkers of living in a bubble. Proud members of the liberal elite Stephen Colbert and Billy Eichner took to the streets to introduce us to some of the denizens under the dome, and they have words for the new president.

“You’ve gotta dig to go a little deeper in your soul and not be such a shallow creep,” one woman tells Trump.

Another says, “I’m actually very concerned about the people he’s bringing into his cabinet. He’s opening Pandora’s Box," to which Colbert adds, “He actually grabbed Pandora’s box without asking permission."

Not a bad bubble to be in.

Comedian and TV show host Chelsea Handler mocked First Lady Melania Trump's English skills, saying that she wouldn't have her on her show because "she can barely speak English," according to TMZ. She also said that she wouldn't have Donald or Melania Trump on her Netflix show, because, as she put it, "I don't respect either one of those people."

Fair enough, but there are plenty of things to mock about Melania Trump without bringing up her English-speaking skills. Mrs. Trump reportedly speaks five languages: English, German, French, Italian, and her native Slovene. Making fun of someone's accent or fluency is disheartening to people trying to learn new languages, and honestly, Melania's English is just fine. It's her husband that isn't.

Paris Jackson, daughter of the late pop icon Michael Jackson, opened up about depression, suicide and sexual assault in a candid new interview with Rolling Stone​. The 18-year-old is speaking up about her difficult adolescence, not shying away from details that might make some uncomfortable or taboos shroud in stigma, addressing her troubled past head on.

Paris Jackson was only 11 years old when her father unexpectedly passed away, and the years following his untimely death were not easy for the model and actress. Jackson told Rolling Stone that she was sexually assaulted by a "complete stranger" when she was only 14-years-old, and incident she has never spoken about publicly before. She didn't want to divulge too many details, but did disclose that the assailant was much older. "But it was not a good experience at all, and it was really hard for me, and, at the time, I didn't tell anybody," said Jackson.

Jackson also revealed that by age 15, she was suffering from depression, self-harming, and addicted to drugs. In June 2013, she attempted suicide by slitting her wrists and downing 20 Motrin pills but was thankfully the attempt was unsuccessful. Although that suicide attempt made headlines around the world, the teen revealed that it was not her first suicide attempt. "It was just self-hatred," she says, "low self-esteem, thinking that I couldn't do anything right, not thinking I was worthy of living anymore." Eventually, Jackson got the help she needed by checking into a residential therapy program.

Speaking candidly about these difficult subjects is so valuable, especially if other young people who feel shame about mental illness or sexual abuse are listening. Jackson, who is still only a teenager, may be inspiring others who struggling to talk about their experiences, preventing them from suffering silently as she did for many years.

You can read her entire interview, where she talks extensively about her relationship with her father, here.

Check out this picture released by the U.S. Attorney's Office, taken in an apartment in Westborough, MA. That is TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS cash in that mattress box spring. Forget hiding your diary or some $20 bills for a rainy day, this is some serious money-hiding business.

According to CBS News, the money was found after investigators followed a 28-year-old Brazilian man named Cleber Rene Rizerio Rocha from New York to Boston. Police say the money in the box spring is from pyramid scheme involving TelexFree, a company in Marlborough, MA that supposedly sold VOIP telephone service. Rocha was arrested and charged with conspiring to commit money laundering. Which doesn't seem fair because clearly he's not washing it, he's just letting it sleep for a while.

Nine-month-old twin sisters Kalani and Jarani Dean are becoming internet sensations because of a twist of genetics that left them looking like they're not related at all. These two beautiful girls were born in Illinois on April 23, 2016 to parents Whitney Meyer and Tomas Dean. They're biracial—Meyer is white, while Dean is black. And just because of the unique way genes get shuffled around during conception, Jarani wound up with a much darker skin and eye color than Kalani. Meyer posted a photo of the girls on the Facebook page of KQHA 7 News.

The whole internet agrees: that's pretty cool. These healthy little bundles of joy will have a fun conversation starter for the rest of their lives. And their parents love all the attention their babies are getting online.

Meyer is definitely on to something here. These kids are "like" magnets.

According to the BBC, biracial twins have about a 1 in 500 chance of being born with significantly different skin tones. Of course, that only applies to fraternal twins, like Kalani and Jarani.

Meyer told KQHA that she was beyond thrilled the first time she saw her little girls.

At first when they were born, I wanted to believe it but it's so rare I didn't think it'd happen to my twins! But sure enough they're biracial twins!

And it's not just their appearance that's different. Meyer says that at just nine months old, they clearly have very distinct personalities. Kalani is full of energy and always wants to crawl everywhere, while Jarani loves to eat and couldn't care less about crawling.

Isn't science great? (Mostly just in regards to babies.)

The nominations for the 2017 Academy Awards were announced on Tuesday. To the surprise of no one, the legendary Meryl Streep was nominated for Best Actress for her role in the film Florence Foster Jenkins.

Of course, she released a statement regarding her 20th Oscar nomination, but much to the internet's surprise, the statement was a little, um, unconventional.

That's right. Meryl Streep sent in a GIF of herself dancing as her statement regarding her Oscar nomination.

The GIF in question is from Paul McCartney's 2013 music video for his song, "Queenie Eye."

A representative for Meryl Streep has confirmed to Buzzfeed that the GIF is, in fact, her official statement on her Oscar nomination.

I have learned two things from this story:

1. We are truly living in the age of the internet when world-renowned actors are using GIFs to respond to their Oscar nominations.

2. When you are Meryl Streep, you don't have to use words if you do not wish to use words.

The people behind Cards Against Humanity have decided to put away their era childish stunts and move forward in 2017 by going to Craigslist in search of a serious candidate to be their new CEO.

Cards Against Humanity, the #1 best-selling party game, is hiring a new CEO!

Let's face it: we have no idea what we're doing. This year, we wasted an enormous amount of time and 
energy trying to get Hillary Clinton elected President, and on Black Friday we dug a huge hole in the 
ground because we wanted to find out if it would be funny. It's been a great run, but now it's time 
for real adult leadership.

Wow, what an incredible opportunity presented in the same place women sell their positive pregnancy tests.

Once you get to their requirements, however, it's clear they have a very specific person in mind.

Requirements

We are seeking a highly qualified executive to run our company who meets the following requirements:

- Strong public speaking skills
- Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure
- Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending
- Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition
- Experience hunting terrorist masterminds
- Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation
- Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review
- Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher
- Passed comprehensive healthcare reform
- Natural born citizen of the United States
- Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint

The ideal candidate will be excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Women and minorities are strongly encouraged to apply.

Damn, it almost feels like you could lie your way through an interview until the part about needing a "minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation." Maybe someone could get an old Spanish teacher say you presidented in Spain for a while? Is that equivalent enough?

Clearly, they're looking specifically for Barack Obama.

Is this a good opporunity for #44?

Look at these benefits they're offering:

What's In It for You?

If you are the right candidate, we will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary.


Benefits include:

- Health/dental/vision insurance (while available)
- Generous vacation time
- A new computer
- Pre-tax transit benefit
- Access to office pantry with unlimited almonds

Paid relocation to Chicago is available.
 Also, you can be our new Dad if you want (optional but strongly preferred).

I mean, who doesn't want Barack Obama to be their new dad?

No word on weather Barry has bitten— a majority share of a joke card company is v exciting— but far as we can tell the job is still available. If you're interested, or if you are Barack Obama, go ahead and email your resume and references to mail@cardsagainsthumanity.com.