Attention to detail.
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If we approached sex like World Cup soccer, this is what it would look like.
The rarely seen "double fake."
Before watching If Sex Was Like The World Cup, I didn't realize how much sex and soccer have in common. They're both a bit of a chess match, there's usually some unintentional bruising, there's way too much faking, and they both often end in tears and disappointment. The only thing missing is a montage of weeping Brazilians. Though, that might be more of a German porn thing.
If you're a fan of soccer and sex, you'll probably enjoy this video. If nothing else, you'll get to see Americans going the distance for once.
(by Jonathan Corbett)
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NYC tourists hosed down by fire hydrants as they pass by on an open-air tour bus.
Hahahahahhaha.
Any New Yorker who has been peered upon like a zoo animal by the tourists perched atop those double-decker buses will feel a certain satisfaction watching as these tourists are hosed from both sides by the high-volume sprays of open fire hydrants. Don't feel bad for them, they are getting the "immersion experience," a true glimpse into the life of a hectic city, and an ample sampling New York's famously great water.
Here's Donovan Sid Perez, born and raised New Yorker, who caught it on tape. Great job, man.
I Heart NY (via)
(by Myka Fox)
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Special skill.
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Man who camped out to buy Spokane, WA's first legal weed fired after being seen on the news. Responds with awesome job ad.
I really hope Mike Boyer puts "First In Line" on his business cards, now.
Mike Boyer is the kind of guy you with whom you could have a great night just hanging out, talking, and perhaps smoking some legal marijuana. Not that he's lazy—he camped out overnight at Spokane, Washington's first recreational marijuana retail outlet, Green Leaf, to be the first person in the city to legally purchase some green leaves. Specifically "Sativa...some of the rarer, uh, of the herbs," according to Boyer. Boyer was the unofficial leader of the crowd waiting outside Green Leaf for the start of Green Tuesday, the first day of legal sales in the state, engaging everyone (or just himself) in a rousing chant of "What do we want? Marijuana! When do we want it? 2pm."
OK, bearded guy. You're not helping the cause. Get a shave.
Sadly, someone who was watching the KXLY broadcast called Mike's boss and ratted him out as a pot smoker. Apparently, this made him unqualified to continue his career in the exciting field of being a security guard for Kodiak Security Services, and he was promptly sacked.
Mike apparently still thinks it was a good day overall, though. "Yeah, it was kind of a buzzkill, but I wasn't going to let it ruin an awesome day," Boyer told Vocative. "I'm still the captain! I'm still number one! I mean, a man can always get a job, but a man can only be the first person to buy recreational cannabis in Spokane once." Well, Mike, Spokane was officially incorporated in 1881, and marijuana wasn't outlawed in the state until 1923, so... uh, never mind. You were totally the first, Mike.
Mike's not going to be jobless for long, though. Any guy who waits overnight to buy pot that you could get from a neighborhood kid with a simple text is probably hardworking enough to get a job even in this economy. He's already put his new resume out on the largest job agency for stoners on Earth, Craigslist, and he's making no apologies for being the captain of weed in Spokane:
"Available for appearances like store openings and christenings...of bongs."
I like Mike and I want to see him get hired, so I'm putting his whole resume below. You can find him on Craigslist if you want to hire him, or just pay to smoke in the presence of the weed captain of Washington.
No criminal history, just a brief legal weed one.
Godspeed, Mike Boyer. I'm sure someone will want a punctual, dependable family man with a strong work ethic and a knowledge of the rarer herbs.
(by Johnny McNulty)
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Very good dog saves a baby bird from drowning.
Good boy. Excellent boy. Moral boy. Altruistic boy. Ok...maybe just a good boy, but still.
Meet Jack, a black Labrador Retriever who, as a hunting dog, usually dives into ponds to retrieve ducks or other birds that a hunter has downed over water. This time, however, he was on a much different mission. When a baby bird fell out of its nest and ended up floundering in the water, Jack rushed out and brought it back safe and sound, with his owner Rick Sauer claiming that Jack knew full well the difference between a bird in distress and one from a hunt.
Labs are both bred and trained to have a "soft mouth," so they can bring birds back without any bite marks or injury. Normally, this is so that they don't mess up a hunter's dinner, but it really comes in handy for adorable rescue missions as well.
As you may know, touching baby birds is a no-no, but Rick Sauer explained that since both the bird and his hands were soaked, he didn't leave any scent, and he was able to safely return the bird to its nest.
Good boy, Jack. I hope they cook you up a big adult bird as a reward.
(by Johnny McNulty)
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A 4-year-old boy was kicked out of a restaurant for "violating the dress code."
"That's no gentlemen, that's my nephew."(via 11 Alive)
While it's nice to hear that another restaurant has adopted a no-guns policy, you'd like to think they would bend the rule when the "guns" happen to belong to a 4-year-old boy wearing a sleeveless t-shirt.
Robert Lewis was eating lunch with his family at The Tavern at Phipps in Atlanta when a hostess told them they'd have to leave because the boy's Ninja Turtles shirt did not comply with the establishment's "gentlemen's dress code." Even during lunchtime. Thinking the waitress was misinterpreting the rules, or, like a lot of poeple, really hated the Ninja Turtles ("A dismal, tedious affair" - Entertainment Weekly), they asked to speak to the manager, but management agreed and showed them the door.
What's the big deal? Lot's of fancier restaurants have strict dress codes in order to keep out the riff-raff. The problem this family had was that The Tavern at Phipps didn't seem like one of those restaurants, in that it doesn't seem to have a problem with people dressed like this:
Cover arms, show belly, problem solved.(via)
Or this:
An order of spicy wings.(via)
And dudes doing this for some reason:
Broken glass night at the Tavern. (via)
The family left, but were angry enough to call Atlanta news station 11Alive, the kind of folks who love stories like this. When a reporter contacted a The Tavern at Phipps, they realized they had a potential PR mess on their hands and quickly backtracked on their policy.
A spokesperson for the restaurant issued a statement saying, "It was an embarrassing misunderstanding on our part. She's a manager in training who had a gross misunderstanding of our policy. We apologize and are reaching out to the family."
The family accepted the apology and say they will be returning to the restaurant soon.
So, chicken fingers and belly-shots all around.
(by Jonathan Corbett)
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After 31 anniversaries at Red Lobster, the staff gave this widow a nice surprise for her first anniversary alone.
Your husband may be gone, but the cheddar bay biscuits are never-ending. (via Getty Images)
After redditor Coppin-it-washin-it's parents celebrated 31 anniversaries at a local Red Lobster in Missouri, his sister joined his mom at the establishment to honor their parent's special day after their father passed in March. When the mom and daughter asked for their bill, they got this instead:
(via BuzzFeed)
The original post has been taken down because some dicks on there accused Coppin-it-washin-it of posting the letter, and possibly faking the whole thing, just to accumulate Internet cred. But, BuzzFeed verified the story after getting confirmation from a Red Lobster spokesperson who was proud of the server and location responsible. I know it is hard to believe that nice things can happen to nice people, but, believe it, Internet, it can.
In fact, the server didn't even make a big thing of it. According to the comments section that remains on reddit, Coppin-it-washin-it reports:
See? Good people doing good things.
"To be honest, knowing that some random waitress named Taylor at a Red Lobster helped them out in a tiny way helped me get though the day a little better too," Coppin-it-washin-it writes. "Random things like that help take the mind off of the sad parts of the fact that i [sic] lost my dad."
(by Myka Fox)
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8-year-old girl's note outlines her evil plans for her brother's belongings should he ever mysteriously disappear.
If I were her parents, I would never let her near a hammer, ever.
According to the mother who discovered this note, her 8-year-old daughter gets along very well with her older brother, Ethan. That doesn't mean this very...creative little girl can't be prepared in case something should suddenly make his stuff available. Although her mom repeatedly stressed that this was not a threat, it is notable that her plans seem to include subjecting his room and many of his belongings to humiliation even though he wouldn't be able to see it. Perhaps they got into an argument over Minecraft, since apparently they would play the game together before she suddenly manifested a desire to rip his poster apart.
Then, there's the repetition of the hammering. Particularly of "everything he loves." This girl is adorable, but I think she needs to take a shop class ASAP to find a suitable outlet for this hammer-related rage.
(by Johnny McNulty)
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I hate when there's no toilet paper left and I have to ask the guy in the next stall to come wipe me.
Craig S.Thu, 10 Jul 2014 16:36:57 EDTI hate when there's no toilet paper left and I have to ask the guy in the next stall to come wipe me.
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A guy promised his grandma he'd shave his beard on her 100th birthday. He delivered, and she loved it.
When you've lived through both World Wars, it's the little things that count.
Grandmas hate seeing their grown grandsons cover their sweet little boy faces in beards. Maybe it's because in their day, if you had a beard, it meant you were either a railyard hobo or you were covering up syphilis scars. In this clip, bearded gentleman Scott Cleveland claims his grandma loathed his beard for years, and he promised her that he would shave it as a present for her 100th birthday.
Grandma lived. Scott delivered. And watch the delight on her face as the fur falls down the drain.
She's a sweetheart, especially seeing as she could have gone way bigger with the demands for her hundredth b-day. She could have at least made him shave a penis into the beard and walk around with it for a day before he took it all off. Maybe for 101.
(by Bob Powers)
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An awesome cat defies rules and runs in a dog race.
The battle between cats and dogs races on!
YouTube channel Sky Racing captured an incredible moment when what looks like an ordinary house cat ran out onto Shepparton's greyhound racing track. The cat looks like she might be stampeded but, fortunately for her, even the trained dogs couldn't catch her.
...And dope-ass house cat wins in the last lap!
(by Myka Fox)
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Left out.
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What the fudgesicles? Man running for Congress offers $100k for nudes of teen girl he doesn't like.
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, some skin for their skins. (via Facebook)
A possibly crazy guy who has nevertheless been invited on Fox News multiple times (not that those things are mutually exclusive), probable troll, and person who wants to defeat Tea Party candidate Dave Brat in November's election to fill Eric Cantor's old House seat, really, really wants nudes of this 19-year-old girl.
Look at pure scum that is #KendallJones killing animals for fun. Who's got nude photos of her? Or sex tapes? 100k pic.twitter.com/k8oTgxnXuC
— DickinsonForCongress (@VoteMike2014) July 10, 2014
So, many of you may remember hearing about Texas cheerleader and big game hunter Kendall Jones. A lot of people don't like her, because she has a popular Instagram account full of her killing big game animals in Africa, most species of which aren't famous for their plentiful numbers. Many people took umbrage to this. She, and others, argued that properly licensed big game hunting provides the revenue needed for successful conservation and incentivizing landowners to combat poachers. That's not what I'm interested in.
We treat nudity and sex in America as bad and dirty. Yet, we glorify scum like #KendallJones for hunting and killing animals
— DickinsonForCongress (@VoteMike2014) July 10, 2014
Neither is it what write-in Congressional candidate Mike Dickinson is interested in. He offered $100,000 for nudes and "dirt" on the girl, perhaps hoping to motivate voters whose #1 and #2 issues are the environment and destroying young lives, and not in that order.
If any ex boyfriends of #KendallJones are out there we want and will pay for sex stories or info about her
— DickinsonForCongress (@VoteMike2014) July 10, 2014
Now, he may well be a performance artist of sorts (emphasis on "of sorts"). He managed to dupe Fox News into thinking he was the actual Democratic candidate back in February, twice, after he goaded them into inviting him on the network by declaring a "war" on Fox News.
“youcantbesrs: When can we expect you to apologize and retract your offer?” When pigs fly
— DickinsonForCongress (@VoteMike2014) July 10, 2014
Whether this guy is a provocateur or a mentally unstable person with excellent Twitter skills, I think we can all agree that this lands outside the boundaries of what we've deemed acceptable...and we've deemed a lot of messed-up stuff acceptable. I mean, he's a troll, right? And not the kinda amusing kind.
Reading these tweets laughing while I listen to some @pharrell come get it bae pic.twitter.com/JPZOLHhumo
— DickinsonForCongress (@VoteMike2014) July 10, 2014
Yeah, he's a troll.
(by Johnny McNulty)
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A 7-year-old boy started a lemonade stand to help his friend who needs surgery, and he's raised over $55,000.
Brayden and Quinn, making the most of life's lemons.
When Quinn Callender found out that his best friend Brayden needed experimental surgery in order for him to be able to walk without braces, Quinn told his parents he was going to do something about it. So they helped him set up a lemonade stand outside of a grocery store near their home in Maple Ridge, British Columbia. Word got around town about Quinn's stand, and pretty soon the money starting flowing faster than the lemonade.
Quinn's stand raised some money, but not the $20,000 needed to get Brayden to New Jersey, the only place the surgery is available. So his parents decided to go bigger, and created My Buddy Brayden on the crowd-funding site You Caring.
As of this writing, over $55,000 has been raised. You know you're dealing with a pretty sweet story when even New Jersey comes out looking good. That's where Brayden will be headed in August, because his surgery has already been scheduled.
(by Jonathan Corbett)
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Thorough look.
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Man drives around giving people odd and surprising compliments.
I'm also impressed by how many people took the time to say "thanks."
Blake Grisby really appreciates people's haircuts, and apparently, people in general. This is the second installment of "Drive-By Compliments" (although Part One has mysteriously gone missing), and somehow, people still seem surprised that a random stranger driving by would take the time to make their day. Funny, I thought everyone assumed that humanity was full of compliments.
(by Johnny McNulty)
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Dude kicks bridesmaid in the head and rips his pants for what might be the most disastrous wedding pic ever taken.
It was a magical day. Not a dry or unswelled eye in the house. (Via)
This majestic memory was shared by redditor Tfoster7102 with the not-beating-around-the-bush title, "So I jumped, kicked this bridesmaid in the head, and ripped my pants."
Pics and it happened!
As if being a bridesmaid didn't suck enough, this poor girl had the added indignity of being kicked in the face while one of poor man's Seth McFarlane's balls tried to make a break for it. But, look on the bright side. She got to steal focus from the bride with some very well-earned sympathy attention at the reception, and stealing focus from the bride is an undisputed victory in the grand tradition of Wedding Warfare.
Let's take a closer look at what went down here.
Here we see our anti-hero at the exact split-second when he realizes he didn't think things through. Look into his eyes and you can spot the glimmer of hope that he might somehow have jumped high enough to get caught up in an orbit, preventing him from ever touching the ground again where he might face charges of assault and indecent exposure, not to mention bridal accusations of having ruined the special, special day.
Over to the right we see the bridesmaid and victim at what looks like milliseconds after the moment of impact, when it's just setting in that this will be the story that gets told every time the subject of her dumb friend's wedding gets brought up in conversation. Her arms are raised to God in a sworn promise that she will do whatever He might wish if He makes it so she never has to be a bridesmaid ever again.
And of course, the triumph of a long-time obstacle finally overcome.
Side-note: As destination weddings go, this one looks like a pretty nice spot. Shame it had to be ruined when this guy decided to try and medal in the humiliation olympics.
(by Bob Powers)
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Honest living.
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Moving back.
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