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Daycare goes viral with all-caps note humiliating parents for being on their phones.

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A daycare in Texas feels so passionately about parents' cellphone use while picking up their kids that they made a sign about it, utilizing ALL CAPS, underlines, and exclamation points!!!!!! The emphatic sign was photographed by a mom named Juliana Farris Mazurkewicz, who supported the message and posted it to Facebook (on her phone, presumably, but we'll let this one slide).

It quickly went viral:

Posted at the daycare today!

Posted by Juliana Farris Mazurkewicz on Friday, January 27, 2017

The sign reads:

You are picking up your child! GET OFF YOUR PHONE!!!! Your child is happy to see you! Are you not happy to see your child?? We have seen children trying to hand their parents their work they completed and the parent is on the phone. We have heard a child say ‘Mommy, mommy, mommy…” and the parent is paying more attention to their phone than their own child. It is appalling. Get off your phone!!

Clearly the message has resonated with people, because since Friday the post has been shared over a million times and received thousands of comments.

Some people are way on board:

Others got defensive:

Whichever side you are on this divisive issue, I hope you enjoyed reading this article but hopefully not on your phone while picking up your kid at DAY CARE, OK, PARENTS??? It is appalling!!!

Sidenote: Typing like this is very satisfying I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT if you have an IMPORTANT POINT to make!!!!

Nobody can be sure if Donald Trump or Sean Spicer know who Frederick Douglass is.

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On Wednesday, Trump made a Black History Month speech that sure left a lot of people wondering whether Donald Trump could name more than five black people if he were asked. Then, he made some weird remarks about Frederick Douglass in which he referred to the long-dead abolitionist in the present tense. Douglass was described as "an example of somebody who has done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice." And naturally, the internet destroyed him over that.

But what is perhaps stranger, is White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer's explanation and defense of Donald Trump's statements on Douglass, which occurred later in the day at a press conference. Spicer, whose express job is to act as a spokesperson for the White House administration and speak eloquently when questioned by the media, said this: "I think he wants to highlight the contributions that he has made, and I think through a lot of the actions and statements that he's going to make, I think the contributions of Frederick Douglass will become more and more."

...??????

I think I might mail them each a copy of The Narrative Of The Life Of Frederick Douglass, which I read in the sixth grade. Who are we kidding, I should just give them the link to the Sparknotes.

Watch the video, via TPM, here and become even more afraid than you already were:

Read Lena Dunham's original pitch for 'Girls, which she calls "pretentious and horrifying."

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The final season of the show everyone loves to hate, Girls, premiers on Sunday, February 12. Dunham, who is frequently criticized for her lack of self-awareness (see: her recent statement saying she wished she had had an abortion, or the poem she wrote about the Women's March), pitched the series when she was 23 and then spent the rest of her twenties making it. And now, you can read that insufferable pitch, which she calls "a tone poem about millennial life," "the worst pitch you'll ever read," and "pretentious and horrifying," in it's entirety, courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter. But don't worry, it's not that long. Because somehow Dunham's one-and-a-half page pitch document is all she needed to land the show.

In the interview with THR, Dunham admits that the pitch "doesn't mention a character, doesn't mention a plot," but laughs off her brazen 23-year-old pitch letter with, yet again, the lack of self-awareness to realize that many people have dedicated years of their lives to unsuccessfully pitching TV shows. To hear that Dunham vomited up a formless draft she wrote while "sitting on the floor listening to Tegan and Sara in my underwear," is a bit of a slap in the face to the hard work that less well-connected writers have put in. (For comparison, the pitch that David Simon submitted for The Wire, another HBO series, was 79 pages long.)

To give you a taste, here is an excerpt from the pitch where Dunham explains the characters:

"Some of their boyfriends have turned out to be gay. Others have turned out to be Republicans (these girls aren't necessarily political, but they want to make sure abortions are a possibility. Always. After all, who can remember condoms every time)."

And here's how she closes 'er out:

"They're beautiful and maddening. They're self-aware and self obsessed. They're your girlfriends and daughters and sisters and employees. They're my friends and I've never seen them on TV."

Speaking of not seeing yourself on TV, Dunham's reflection on the backlash she faced for casting a bunch of white actors for the show reveals more of the casual racism that Dunham is constantly nailed for (like her recent remarks on Odell Beckham Jr.). She admits in the interview that on her first date with her boyfriend Jack Antonoff, which took place the week "the race stuff," as Dunham eloquently put it, started blowing up, to making the joke, "No one would be calling me a racist if they knew how badly I wanted to f— Drake." It's interesting that Dunham was willing to bring this joke up, but says that she did so because she was "f—in' 25" at the time, which in her mind makes the bad joke excusable. Rightly, Antonoff told her to refrain from saying things like that in the public eye, according to Dunham's account of the date. "I just didn't get it," Dunham reflected on her tolerance levels at the time, but it's interesting that she used past tense, as it probably could be applied to her many missteps she's still making today. Oh Lena, when will you learn.

Twitter cannot believe that Trump has somehow created beef with Australia.

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On Wednesday, Donald Trump tweeted about a refugee resettlement agreement that the U.S. has with Australia, under which 1,000 refugees who originally sought asylum in Australia would be relocated to the U.S. Or, as Trump eloquently put it:

This came after a tense call on January 28 with Australia's Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull (apparently before Trump had "studied" the deal), that only last 25 minutes of the allotted hour before Trump abruptly hung up, Bloomberg reports. On the call, Trump referred to the resettlement agreement as "the worst deal ever." What's crazy to everybody is that Trump is managing to mess things up with Australia, the most chill ally we have. I know that not all Australians surf, eat Vegemite, drink Foster's beer, and are Hugh Jackman, but dang, I can't think of a place much more down to hang than Australia. And yet somehow, we found ourselves having beef with the place that gave us Men At Work.

Anyway, here are some of Twitter's best reactions to the news that Trump blew it with the Land Down Under.

I'm celebrating Groundhog Day by repeating the same crappy day I had yesterday

Samantha Bee proves why Trump's 'travel ban' is actually a Muslim ban.

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Donald Trump has only been in office for less than two weeks, but between picking fights with Australia over Twitter, whining about Senators who disagree with him, and having his cronies spew "alternative facts" to the media, he had a little left over time to sign a whole bunch of executive orders. The most controversial by far has been Trump's travel ban that blocks people from seven Muslim-majority countries from entering the United States or obtaining visas. But for the sake of not getting sued for violating the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution, the Trump Administration won't explicitly call it a Muslim ban, even though the POTUS doesn't seem to care what you call it.

Samantha Bee tore into the Muslim ban on Wednesday's episode of Full Frontal, separating her attack into two separate segments; one called "The Not-A-Muslim-Ban Muslim Ban" and the other titled "Refugees Refused." She teased the segment on Twitter prior to the episode airing.

For at least 90 days, visas will not be issued to nationals from Iran, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen, despite the fact that no foreign-born persons from those seven countries have executed a lethal terrorist attack on American soil since 1975. Although many on Trump's team are struggling with what to call this very obviously bigoted ban, Rudy Giuliani admitted in an interview with Jeanine Pirro of Fox News that Trump did intend to discriminate against Muslims in particular, confessing that Trump asked him how to "legally" go about banning them (i.e: giving the ban a different name like a "travel ban" as to not get sued by human rights groups), because banning someone due to their religion is illegal and violates the Constitution. Right Vice President Pence?

Bee also addressed the refusal of refugees who are fleeing their home countries and seeking asylum elsewhere as a matter of survival.

Samantha Bee went on to call the refusal of refugees "immoral, embarrassing and inhuman," comparing it to the shameful act of turning away Jewish refugees from the United States in 1940's. She ended the segment by calling out "giant pussy" Donald Trump with this message: "You want a Muslim ban? We know you do, so say it already. Own your pointless cruelty. That is why America voted for you … except for the majority of America that didn’t."

It's Groundhog Day! Did Punxsutawney Phil see his shadow?

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Happy Groundhog Day, everyone! Bad news—according to USA Today, Punxsutawney Phil, America's furriest weatherman, saw his shadow today in Punxsutawney, PA, signaling six more weeks of winter. More bad news—we would have at least six more weeks of winter whether the groundhog saw his shadow or not, because that's how weather works.

But it is a yearly tradition, and one you probably know best from the Bill Murray movie, Groundhog Day ("Ned?? Ned Ryerson!?"). The groundhog, Phil, is taken by a handler out of his burrow in Gobbler's Knob (really? "Gobbler's Knob"?) and if the little dude sees his shadow, it portends six more weeks of winter. If, however, he doesn't see it, hooray, early spring.

For those of you who don't trust Punxsutawney Phil and want a second opinion, you'll be glad to know that Staten Island Chuck, New York's own groundhog meteorologist, did not see his shadow, and even if he did, he wouldn't be scared of it ("FOH with that shadow bullshit").


Matthew McConaughey says it's time for Hollywood to 'embrace, shake hands' with President Donald Trump.

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Matthew McConaughey, Oscar winner and star of deadpan car commercials, has a message to Hollywood on Donald Trump. Sitting for an interview with BBC One, according to Time, interviewer Andrew Marr wanted McConaughey's take on whether or not Hollywood should give Trump a "break."

"Ok. So every single American actor or archetype that comes over to London dumps on Trump," said Marr, with a certain gleam in his eye as he led McConaughey to a hot take.

"You all completely hate him. Do you think it's time that maybe Hollywood and the cultural elite of America gave this guy a break?"

"Well. They don't have a choice now," began the True Detective star, there to promote his new movie, Gold, and about to contradict most of America's most famous entertainers.

"He's our president. And uh, it's very dynamic and as divisive an inauguration as we've ever had. At the same time, it's time for us to embrace, shake hands with this fact and be constructive with him over the next four years."

The take was getting hotter and hotter by the second, since many Americans—while agreeing that Donald Trump is president—favor resistance to cooperation.

It's also important to note that while the interview aired on Sunday in the UK, it's unclear if they filmed it before or after some of Trump's most controversial moves, like his travel ban. As Vulture points out, McConaughey's wife, Camila Alves, is herself an immigrant from Brazil.

McConaughey continued:

So anyone, even those who most strongly may disagree with his principles or the things he's said and done—which is another thing, we'll see what he does compared to what he had said—no matter how much you even disagreed along the way, it's time to think about how constructive can you be, because he's our president for the next four years, at least. President of the United States.

The actor seemed a little relieved that Marr, having secured his political sound bite, quickly moved on to discuss True Detective.

McConaughey's politics have been a subject of discussion before. Remember the following parody of his Lincoln commercials—set to pro-Trump footage? It was just a mash up of his commercial voice overs, but some people were quick to believe the man was a vocal Trump supporter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=58&v=yKJj-C0zsYE

Beyoncé's pregnancy photoshoot is a work of art—literally.

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On Wednesday, Beyoncé Knowles Carter posted an Instagram announcing to the world that she was pregnant again, this time with twins (well, she says her family will be growing by two, so unless she's planning on naming and raising the placenta, that's two babies). By Thursday, her Instagram had become the most popular Instagram of all time, and she gave her fans even more eye candy to feast on by posting a series of gorgeous maternity shots on her own website, in an series she titled, "I Have Three Hearts."

***nada a declarar*** #beyoncé

A photo posted by T h a i n á (@belezou) on

In some of the pictures, Beyoncé poses alone, while in others, her daughter with husband Jay Z, Blue Ivy Carter, joins her. In one that looks like it's modeled after Boticelli's "The Birth of Venus," she's completely nude (but still covered so it's definitely SFW), covering her breast and cradling her belly.

Beyoncé included a poem by Warsan Shire which mentions Venus, too. The poem reads,

Venus has flooded me, second planet from the sun, i wake up on her foamy shore.

she wants to take me to meet my children. i’ve done this before i’m still nervous.

she makes pregnancy look sooo good 😍 #beyoncé

A photo posted by beyoncé 😍 (@baddiecarter) on

Let's get an extended weather forecast from a jittery, inconsistent, reddish brown rodent

Kim Kardashian and Chrissy Teigen are starting a book club and they want you to join.

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Here's your chance to be friends with Kim Kardashian and Chrissy Teigen (well, sort of). The two announced on Twitter last night that they're starting a book club - and we're all invited!

It all started when Kim Kardashian tweeted that she, Chrissy Teigen, and celebrity hairstylist Jen Atkin would be starting a book club.

Kim then shared that the first book on their list is New York Times bestseller, Embraced By The Light by Betty J. Eadie.

Both Chrissy Teigen and Kim Kardashian made sure fans knew that everyone is invited to join their book club. (So much so that Chrissy ominously tweeted, "JOIN US," which sounds like a line of dialogue from a horror movie where someone accidentally stumbles upon a cult of possessed people.)

So there you have it! Another celebrity book club to pretend we're a part of! (Still love you, though, Oprah.)

Librarian tweets epic story of justice after student trolls framed a girl and got her grounded.

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A tale of justice and retribution, of mistaken identity and technology, of heroes and bullies, of moms and librarians, has gone viral on Twitter because these are the issues of our times.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the library. And trouble was afoot. On Google Docs.

Author and librarianJennifer Iacopelli will take it from here:

Ok but before we let her take it from here, reflect on this student's great relationship with her librarian. She is her confidant. Her literate warrior. Her reader in the night.

Can we see it? It can't possibly be as bad as what you're making me imagine.

Three preteen trouble making boys? Writing inappropriate/borderline horrifying stuff on Google Docs? Shock, indeed.

Russell Simmons dumps his friend Donald Trump with the most hilarious burn.

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Once upon a time, music mogul Russell Simmons and President Donald Trump were very good friends. After all, billionaires of a feather flock together, and the two native New Yorkers were so tight that Trump even wrote the forward to two of Simmons' books, and Simmons accompanied Trump on his first date with Melania Knauss. But after 30 years of friendship, Simmons made the decision to cut ties with Donald Trump after seeing the real estate mogul's true colors once he got involved in politics. Though Simmons started separating himself from Trump when he first announced that he would be running for President in 2015, one comment really puts the nail in the friendship coffin: Simmons said that Kim Kardashian would make a better president than Donald Trump on Fox News.

“We haven’t been friends since the day he announced and I said, ‘I’d rather Kim Kardashian be President,’ so he called the office and that was the end of our friendship,” Simmons told the New York Daily News. He also added that he didn't even bother answering Trump's call, and told his assistant to tell the future POTUS to reference the video if he had any questions. He hasn't been in contact since.

Madam President?

Russell Simmons is now planning to spearhead a "resistance" against his former friend's unconstitutional anti-Muslim ban. He added that although he felt he had to end his friendship with Donald Trump because of his harmful politics, he is generally a very understanding friend. "Well, you know, all of our friends have issues — I have issues,” said Simmons. “I accept people as they are as long as they’re not running for president.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger burns Trump so hard after being dissed at the National Prayer Breakfast.

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The National Prayer Breakfast is a blessed event in which the president of the United States delivers a humbling speech about the role faith plays in his life. Ever the humble, spiritually-enlightened man, President Trump took the opportunity to implore the crowd, which included foreign dignitaries, to call on the pulpit to pray for a man in need: Arnold Schwarzenegger, suffering from a fatal condition dear to Trump's heart called "low ratings."

Here's the TL;DR in chyron form.

Schwarzenegger was quick with the clapback.

The Terminator terminated him back with, "Hey Donald, I have a great idea. Why don't we switch jobs. You take over TV, because you're such an expert in ratings, and I take over your job, so people can finally sleep comfortable again."

Alas, putting Arnold Schwarzenegger in charge would be against the Constitution, because he wasn't born in the States. But Trump and co. have already pooped on the document so much, breaking this rule wouldn't even set off an alarm.


My office crush is the vending machine.

Woman hilariously live-blogs being stuck in her bathtub after home spa treatment gone wrong.

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A woman who goes by denshan on Imgur got herself into a slippery situation early Thursday morning. Her attempt to relax with a coconut oil home spa treatment left her trapped in her bathtub with nothing but her smartphone in arm's reach. And because it's 2017, she didn't call 911—she just shared her story online. Now, her hilariously self-deprecating post is going viral.

It looks like she's being sautéed.

Denshan's post reads:

Here is a funny and current story. I am stuck in a bath. I can't actually get out of my bath tub. Why?

I've got a chest infection and some fever so I'm home sick. I also can't turn my head. Took some antibiotics and a Valium and thought- i will have a relaxing bath. I found some bath salts. Lit some candles and poured in some coconut oil- now I am realising it was too much coconut oil. Went to get out after pulling the plug and I just slide around like a giant greased up potato in a roasting dish. There is no traction. No grip. Just me and my fat body slipping around covered in oil. Fuck home beauty remedies. SOS

Imgurians immediately came forward with helpful (and not-so-helpful) suggestions.

Despite their "help," denshan was eventually able to extricate herself. She described her daring escape in the comments.

I escaped by refilling with water and cleaning the bath with closet soap like product. Took 30 mins. White girl idiocy at its greatest.

And in the process, she found she had made a lot of interesting new friends.

Update on inbox messages: thought it would be dick pics and show us tits. Turns out there are a lot of people with foot fetish on here...

Out of the frying pan, into the fire.

Sorry Beyoncé's pregnancy has made you only half as excited about yours.

A draft of Trump's 'religious freedom' order was leaked, and it does not look good for the LGTBQ community.

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A leaked draft of a possible President Donald Trump executive order on "religious freedom" reveals a possible huge blow to LGBTQ groups, as it basically legalizes discrimination.

The draft, which was obtained by The Nation, is titled “Establishing a Government-Wide Initiative to Respect Religious Freedom." It may never become actual policy, because according to the Nation, it could exceed the executive branch's reach of power and may actually be unconstitutional.

If this version did pass, it would allow any privately held company or religious organization to discriminate against LGBTQ people “when providing social services, education, or healthcare; earning a living, seeking a job, or employing others; receiving government grants or contracts; or otherwise participating in the marketplace, the public square, or interfacing with Federal, State or local governments.”

That means people could be discriminated against in circumstances like looking for a job, applying for a grant, or adopting a child, to name just a few.

Remember when that bakery refused to bake a gay couple's wedding cake? This is basically that, on a huge level. The draft would protect the tax-exempt status of any company or religious group that "believes, speaks, or acts (or declines to act) in accordance with the belief that marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman, sexual relations are properly reserved for such a marriage, male and female and their equivalents refer to an individual’s immutable biological sex as objectively determined by anatomy, physiology, or genetics at or before birth, and that human life begins at conception and merits protection at all stages of life.”

So, if this draft were signed, an employer could ostensibly choose not to cover an employee's abortion or contraception, just for example.

There had been rumors of a religious freedom order, but on Monday, White House press secretary Sean Spicer said,

I’m not getting ahead of the executive orders that we may or may not issue. There is a lot of executive orders, a lot of things that the president has talked about and will continue to fulfill, but we have nothing on that front now.

Again, the leaked draft may never come to law. White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders told ABC: “We do not have plans to sign anything at this time but will let you know when we have any updates.”

Jimmy Fallon, Keanu Reeves, and Judd Apatow did standup written by kids. So. Many. Knock Knocks.

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They say it's never been easier to make it in comedy. Just film something, throw it on YouTube, or, if you're really young, send your jokes to Jimmy Fallon. He'll get an all star cast of Judd Apatow and Keanu Reeves, they'll do some weird open-mic type characters in their "Kid Standup" segment, and your life will instantly change. Pretty soon you'll be in Hollywood, just another six-year-old with a talent agent and a supporting role in Grown Ups 15.

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent."

Mic. Drop.

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