Whether you're single or in a relationship, everyone is going to be spending Valentine's Day pretending that they're not interested in seeing Fifty Shades Darker, when it's the planet's most extremely guilty and dangerously pleasurable guilty pleasure.

While the franchise famously has its roots as being BDSM-themed Twilight fan fiction,The Sun reportsthat Universal Pictures executives are acting like total doms, demanding that the cast play down the BDSM factor.

According to The Sun, the movie's stars, including Jamie "I'm also in a prestigious British crime thriller!" Dornan and Dakota "Don't forget I can do comedies too!" Johnson have been forbidden to talk about the kinkiness, and instead must play up the romance.

“We can’t talk too much about nipple clamps," Marcia Gay Harden, who plays Christian Grey's mother, says, “I used to send out some naughty little tweets, along the lines of this ‘sweater clasp’ and I was told by Universal that I couldn’t do it any more, but I’ll tell you one anyway.”

Harden got in trouble for tweeting out a picture of a sex toy, writing, "Dear Christian, thank you so much for that lovely bracelet under the Christmas tree. Perhaps it wasn’t meant for me."

Fans thought it was fun to see the actress tweet in character, "but it was shut down."

"It is a love story after all — I don’t think they want us being too overtly sexual in interviews," she concludes.

It is a love story indeed. But mostly a making love story.

The Sun adds that the sexy sequel has FIFTEEN WHOLE MINUTES of sex scenes, including "One graphic, X-rated moment involving a sex toy lasts almost three minutes and had members of the audience at last week’s LA premiere laughing and screaming in horror."

Admit it: you can't wait to pretend not to have seen this movie.

After celebrating Tom Brady's Super Bowl win and making the blanket statement that "any negative polls" are fake news, Donald Trump turned his Twitter laser on himself.

If you don't want to just disregard it as the typically boisterous tweeter-in-chief getting antsy on his gold toilet, Twitter had theories as to what prompted the outburst. Take one from Los Angeles Times reporter Matt Pearce:

Additionally, NBC News writer Brad Jaffy figured the following Morning Joe clip might have something to do with it. On Monday, Joe Scarborough pointed to this SNL clip riffing on "President Steve Bannon" running the Oval Office, and then to a recent Time cover with the same Trump advisor, Steve Bannon, and the caption, "The Great Manipulator."

At the end of the clip, Scarborough muses: "I don't know, I mean, maybe Bannon's calling all the shots. I still don't think he is, but... this is a thing..."

Well, whether you think it's a huge coincidence that Trump used the same phrase in a tweet just hours after the segment aired or whether you think Trump watches the news when he should be running the world—doesn't really matter to Twitter.

The tweet instantly entered public life as a meme and a Twitter parody. Here's a few of the best:

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So much attention is put on what is coming out of President Trump's mouth, it makes you wonder:

What is going in?

According to AXIOS, who asked the people closest to Trump about his eating habits, this is what the Prez is swallowing:

Red Meat

"Trump loves big steaks, preferably the ones served at his clubs. His butler told the NYT the steaks would be so well done they would 'rock on the plate." Axios reported.

Trump also brags about the bacon he served as appetizers to guests at his Doral golf resort in Miami. And, much like past-president Bill Clinton, he loves a Big Mac.

Snacks

Air Force One keeps original-flavored Lay's potato chips and vanilla-flavored Keebler Vienna Fingers stocked for President Trump. The dude loves his sugar and grease.

Drinks

President Trump doesn't touch alcohol, but he does drink tomato juice for a "virgin bloody mary." As for caffeine, no coffee for him, "Diet Coke or the occasional full-sugared version when it's a particularly trying day at the office."

Healthy Foods

None. When AXIOS asked a Trump aid if he had ever seen him eat healthy things like fruit or nuts, the aid said he has "never seen it."

Yikes. With all that red meat and junk food, you'd think Trump would be more excited about healthcare.

New Yorkers may be a salty bunch who love to hate on everyone/everything (especially tourists and Times Square). But in times of real duress, we know how to come together. This viral Facebook post about a group of New Yorkers mobilizing to shut down a hate crime is the perfect example.

New Yorker Gregory Locke got on the subway on Saturday night to find a horrifying sight: "a Swastika on every advertisement and every window" accompanied by hate speech like "Jews belong in the oven," he detailed in a Facebook post, which has since gone viral.

"The train was silent as everyone stared at each other, uncomfortable and unsure what to do," he wrote. ​​​​But then, that paralysis turned into action. You can read his account here:

Locke wrote:

One guy got up and said, "Hand sanitizer gets rid of Sharpie. We need alcohol." He found some tissues and got to work.

I've never seen so many people simultaneously reach into their bags and pockets looking for tissues and Purel. Within about two minutes, all the Nazi symbolism was gone.

Nazi symbolism. On a public train. In New York City. In 2017.

"I guess this is Trump's America," said one passenger. No sir, it's not. Not tonight and not ever. Not as long as stubborn New Yorkers have anything to say about it.

The post clearly struck a collective nerve. It has been shared nearly half-a-million times since it was posted Saturday night, and hundreds of people have commented to applaud New Yorkers for coming together and taking action:

NYC may be overcrowded and full of angry, claustrophobic people, but we sure are good at handling ourselves in an emergency. Especially when the solution is hand sanitizer. So watch out, hate and germs!

Confident, committed lovers can and should feel comfortable to communicate about what they like. They should find ways to please their partner, and to the extent that it's comfortable, they should have an open mind about trying new things. To that end, there are some really interesting things that people ask their partners to do. Enjoy these 18 kinky stories from lovers on Reddit.

1. Burgher_NY had sex in 2011.

"Go down on me while I eat a fancy cupcake." Ok, you pretty princess.

2. This one from inflateaway1988 is gonna blow up.

To talk dirty about how my body is inflating while he fucks me. Obviously, my body wasn't actually inflating, but I sure pretended it was. I love this man, odd fetish and all.

3. Chew on this one from rumpleforeskin9.

I have some fairly pronounced jaw muscles, probably because I grind my teeth while I sleep? Anyways it would really turn my gf on when I would flex them. She would usually offer me a piece of gum before sexy time she liked it so much. She would send me nudes and I'd send videos of me chewing gum...

4. A nutty request for eeemily.

He said 'Your hair is so long and beautiful, I just want to grab it and rub it all over my nuts'. I obliged.

5. TheWellReadRed has that Groundskeeper Willie vibe that drives the ladies wild.

I dated a girl who wanted me to use an aggressive Scottish accent when I fucked her.

I'm an actor. So I did it.

It was hot, no lie.

6. User dinosaregaylikeme had an accident. A happy accident. A sexy accident?

I had to pee and my husband blocked the bathroom door and kindly ask me to just go in my pants.

7. This story from wonger2017 is hot and juicy.

Eat Wendy's while fucking.

8. Thank you for your service, SchmidtyMane.

Fucking my ex with a bomb popsicle (the red, white, and blue ones)

9. Bless you, tdasnowman.

Put your nose on my pussy and sneeze. Girl would never tell me if she was serious or not.

10. Very funny, I_HAVE_THAT_FETISH.

To laugh into her mouth. Like, as if we were french kissing, but she opened her mouth wider and I laughed into it.

11. 7LeagueBoots did a semester abroad, obviously.

That I read her Dostoevsky while she was giving me head.

12. A very sensitive story from icantbenormal.

To lick her boobs everywhere but the nipples. Apparently, the nipples are the least sensitive parts for her.

It was a lot of work.

13. For theratedrock, it makes bathtime and bedtime lots of fun.

Well I had a person ask to keep a rubber duck between us, so that it would squeak while we had sex.

14. So, then what, triggerfish_twist, like Tom Brady? Is he a hockey man?

He once asked me to call him by his favorite hockey player's name during sex.

15. Yeah, either one, pdxemf.

Probably the guy who asked me to dress in a latex nun costume wearing a fake pregnancy belly. Or maybe that's second to the guy who wanted me to stab him and drink the blood.

16. There's nothing hotter than violating the laws of space and time, right f1sh?

a girl once asked me to lick her butt while I banged her. When I told her I wasn't physically capable of that she seemed kinda bothered. Like what the actual fuck? can you guys do that?

Shelia Frederick, a flight attendant for Alaska Airlines, is making headlines for helping a teenager on one her flights get out of a potential sex trafficking situation, according to WTSP. That's pretty impressive, especially considering she still had to serve drinks and snacks.*

Several years ago, Sheila Frederick was working on a flight from Seattle to San Francisco when she noticed a disheveled teenage girl (about 14- or 15-years-old) with dirty hair sitting next to a well-dressed older man. Frederick couldn't help but notice the contrast between the two passengers. When she would speak to the pair, the girl wouldn't make eye contact or answer her; the man spoke for them both. These signs made Frederick wonder if the teenager was somehow being controlled by the man.

The 49-year-old Alabama native came up with the ingenious plan to get the girl to go to the restroom, where she'd left her a note on the mirror. The girl reportedly wrote on the note, confirming that she did indeed need help. Sheila Frederick told the pilot and when they landed, police were there to arrest the teenager's traveling companion.

All of this was years ago, and Frederick and the girl she saved have stayed in touch (the girl is now in college). But other flight attendants are able to learn from intuition like Frederick's, and hopefully be able to save more people from similar fates, thanks to a training program put together by Nancy Rivard.

Rivard, the founder of Airline Ambassadors, and a former flight attendant herself, hopes the training will help flight attendants spot signs like a person who is bruised or battered, who won't answer questions or make eye contact, or who seems to be being controlled in any way. As Sheila Frederick said, "If you see something, say something." She told WTSP:

I've been a flight attendant for 10 years and it's like I am going all the way back to when I was in training and I was like I could have seen these young girls and young boys and didn't even know.

Training people to know what to look for seems to be having a positive effect. Reports of trafficking are on the rise, and while this initially sounds bad, the Florida Department of Children and Families (DCF) attributes the increase in reporting to the new training.

[*That's a joke. Not a good one, but it's hard to come up with something light-hearted when the subject is sex trafficking.]

Well, this would certainly be weird—former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson and Wikileaks founder Julian Assange might be an item. According to Page Six, Anderson has visited Assange at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London (where he's lived for the past four years) four times in the past three months. Hmmm.

One political activist told Page Six, “She seems to be wearing sexier outfits every time she visits." I'm not actually sure there is an internationally recognized scale for assessing levels of sexiness, but I get what this person is saying.

Assange is thought to be connected to the Kremlin, because most of his biggest finds come from Russian hackers. Anderson also has ties to Russia. She was the star attraction at a trade show in Vladivostok in 2015, and she also had a visit to the Kremlin where she discussed wildlife conservation in Russia with Sergei Ivanov, Vladimir Putin's chief of staff.

Then, in December, Anderson was again in Moscow, where she said she would like to become a Russian citizen (you know, like Steven Seagal). A source told Page Six that she is getting paid for these Russian appearances.

Chrissy Teigen and her husband John Legend were at the Super Bowl on Sunday, and of course the undisputed queen of Twitter wasn't going to let the game go by without live-tweeting it. Much to our delight, she happened to be drunk, so we were treated to a series of drunk Super Bowl live tweets.

First Teigen made a joke about the pronunciation of Houston. (Houston St. in New York City is pronounced, "house-ton.")

She later had to defend her joke to haters who didn't get it. (With an all-caps "AHHHHHHH" reserved only for drunk tweets.)

Of course, Teigen posted a video of her and John Legend enjoying the game.

She asked some very valid questions about the rules of football.

And she shared photos of her snacks. (It seems that Chrissy Teigen shares my belief that the snacks are the best part of any football game.)

She got excited for Gaga.

Chrissy Teigen is evidently not much of a football fan, but that will not stop her drunk self from yelling sports jargon into the night. (Sports jargon with typos.)

Towards the end of the game, Chrissy tweeted out a video captioned "THINGS ARE HAPPENING" in which she provided commentary. (It should be noted that she is now eating pizza, which is a new snack, separate from her previous nachos and hotdog.)

And she ended the night sitting on the escalator and giggling. (We've all been there.)

Chrissy Teigen, if you're reading this, I feel like you would fit in at my Super Bowl party. You are totally invited next year.

Well, that didn't take long. According to TMZ, Kanye West has deleted all mention of President Donald J. Trump from his Twitter because he is "super unhappy with the president's performance over his first 2 weeks in office."

In 2016, West caused controversy when he announced that he would have voted for Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election during a stop on his Saint Pablo concert tour (for the record, West did not vote at all). Soon after, West canceled the rest of the tour dates and was hospitalized for after having a nervous breakdown.

After Trump was elected, Kanye stoked the fire by having a meeting and photo op with Donald Trump at Trump Tower in New York City. Although West claimed that he was meeting with the President to "discuss multicultural issues," fans and celebs alike, including John Legend, speculated that it was all a publicity stunt.

Following the meeting, West tweeted out an autographed copy of Trump's issue of Time and urged his fans to stay open-minded about the 45th president, justifying the visit with a tweet that read "I feel it is important to have a direct line of communication with our future President if we truly want change." West's wife, Kim Kardashian, supported Hillary Clinton during the election and recently tweeted these statistics to show why she disagrees with Trump's unconstitutional travel ban.

TMZ is now reporting that West rescinded his support of the president due to being unhappy about the Muslim ban and "other actions" that Trump has taken, though was not specific as to which ones (There are so many to chose from.)

Knowing West, he is probably still pissed that Trump wouldn't let him perform at his inauguration. It's like these two are having a contest to see who the bigger narcissist is and they're both winning.

The nip slip is a historic Super Bowl tradition, with the effects of Janet Jackson's notorious slip of the nip rippling in the decade since. The 2004 Super Bowl not only featured Jackson's nipple, but the Patriots winning the title in Houston. At this year's Patriots-winning game in Houston, another nipple was spotted.

Chrissy Teigen's right nipple didn't pop out per se, nor was Justin Timberlake involved in its unleashing, but some boobage was spotted from the folks at home.

Teigen, master of replying to randos, was not ashamed to have freed the nipple.

Everyone has nipples. Some people have even more than one.

She's a Legend.

A teacher from Massachusetts withdrew a college recommendation for a student after that student made a Swastika on campus, because, wouldn't you? And now the teacher has been suspended, Enterprise reports. My reaction to this story can only be summed up in this gif from Judge Judy:

In November, a student at Stoughton High School was caught making a swastika out of tape on the wall at his school. The student also allegedly made a "comment about Hitler" at the time. Reports of hate crimes are on the rise since Trump won, so you'd think the school would take especially swift action to properly discipline this student, and support teachers who do the same.

That's not what happened.

A teacher at the school who had written a college recommendation letter for the student who made the swastika apparently called up the college to withdraw her recommendation. She was subsequently suspended for 20 days. And two other teachers were sent disciplinary letters for "discussing the incident"—one in class and another with other teachers at the school.

“The student believed that he was being targeted, creating a hostile environment for him by members of the faculty because of his actions, despite having already been disciplined by the administration,” said the school's superintendent Marguerite Rizzi in a letter to the staff, obtained by the Enterprise.

Ok, so let's refresh: a student who made a swastika on the wall of the school is somehow the victim of a "hostile environment?"

The Massachusettes Teachers Association (MTA) is on the side of the teacher and called her suspension an "injustice," which sounds right to me. "Educators will not allow bigotry and hate to take hold in our schools," MTS President Barbara Madeloni told the Enterprise. "Nor will we allow those who speak and act against hate speech to be silenced."

Clearly, this school has some issues with bigotry since this was the second"swastika-related incident" at the school in under a month. Police were contacted but decided neither qualified as a hate crime. And while the boys were "disciplined," parents were not notified by the school about these incidents, according to the Boston Globe.

As my grandma would say, "oy gevalt!"

A GoFundMe that has been set up for the teacher, who will miss 20 days of pay, has already exceeded its goal. I hope she gets a job at a new school, stat.

Lady Gaga and her drones rocked the Super Bowl halftime show, but to many, it wasn't political enough, but to others, it was straight-up Satanic.

Professional conspiracy theorist Alex Jones saw beyond Lady Gaga's call for diversity and inclusion in her dance jam "Born This Way" into the real message: Hail Satan.

In a video before the game, Jones warned of "Satanic ritual" hosted by the Illuminati, saying, "She wears meat suits and does all these rituals—Madonna does it too—and the organizers of the Super Bowl are deciding to defile America and break our will by having us bow down to this."

Jones rants about the 'New World Order,' and that it is only Trump who could save the world from Lady Gaga's agenda of world dominance.

After the show, Jones insisted that the actual performance was ripe with sadistic symbolism. It must be exhausting searching for the devil in everything except Donald Trump.

“They say she’s going to stand on top of the stadium, ruling over everyone with drones everywhere, surveilling everyone in a big swarm,” he said, as Independent reports,“To just condition them to say ‘I am the Goddess of Satan’ ruling over them with the rise of the robots in a ritual of lesser magic.”

That's right. No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgender life, Gaga is the Goddess of Satan ready to steal your soul.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen, Alex Jones. Also, stop being anti-Semitic.

In our newest installment of "don't piss off your food handler," we bring you reddit user COTAnerd, who describes his revenge on an entitled jerk.

As COTAnerd tells it, McDonald's was the first job he got, and was only a 16-year-old kid when an irate customer "stormed through the door."

They screamed at me about part of their order being messed up and it being cold after they'd driven 10 minutes to get home. After verbally degrading me and treating me like less than human, they demanded I replace the order (fine) and give them a free soft serve in a cone for all their trouble (not fine).

I do as he says, but I'm totally pissed about a 30 odd year old man enjoying a power trip over someone half their age when I hadn't been the one who messed up their order and his food wouldn't have been cold if he'd eaten it right away like you're supposed to.

Just like a crying baby to ask for ice cream, right? Fortunately, COTAnerd was bent on not letting him get away with it.

So I replace his food and grab his ice-cream. But when I turn my back to fill up the cone, I crush it ever so slightly so that the bottom part of the cone loses almost all its structural integrity, but it holds its shape. I also choose not to include any napkins in his bag.

I handed him his food and ice-cream and watched as he turned away. He wasn't even out the door before I heard the cone smush fully in his hand and his noise of disgust as he quickly tries to stop the leaking ice-cream getting all over him. But it gets everywhere. As he left, I saw him toss his ice-cream in the bin and shake off the excess ice-cream. Since he thought it was his own fault, he couldn't come back in and whinge at me.

Hope you enjoyed your sticky fingers, arse wipe. I certainly did.

Yuuuuuup. If there's anything we've learned from fast-food worker's confessions, it's never piss off someone who is underpaid and touches your food.

Kiwiana is a New Zealand immigrant-owned restaurant in Brooklyn that has become a popular brunch spot. It's delicious (I've been there!), but here's another reason to patronize: a writer named Mary Emily O'Hara had brunch there yesterday and she took a photo of her receipt, which has since gone viral.

Usually when restaurant receipts go viral it's because someone left a huge tip (or was a huge jerk). But in this case, the restaurant left a different kind of tip for customers:

"Immigrants make America great (they also cooked your food and served you today)," reads a message at the bottom of the receipt.

The photo has been retweeted over 64K times since yesterday, so clearly people are loving it.

But since this is the internet, of course there was outrage—but not about the message on the receipt. People were instead mad about the price of the brunch (way to focus on the issues, people).

And Spain dialed in just to brag:

To which O'Hara clapped back:

After a bunch of people complained about the prices, O'Hara responded to explain: a) she's a booze-hound, b) these prices are pretty standard for Brooklyn and c) the prices are NOT THE POINT.

But by far the best clap back in the comment thread came from rapper Jean Grae. IDK how she got involved but I'm glad she did, in response to a troll who tried to make a jab at "illegal" immigrants.

"Fuck Off, Gail." Please have this engraved on my tombstone. All credit to Jean Grae, of course.

And finally, as this person aptly pointed out:

At least if nothing else, this receipt led to a productive discussion and also to me craving French Toast. We'll call that a win.

This is Mark McLelland, a 20-year-old landscaper from Scotland who partied so hard over the weekend he woke up on Monday too hungover to go to work.

So McLelland did what we've all had to do when faced with a crippling hangover: he called out sick with "the runs." This is TMI which normally would make it a foolproof excuse. But there was a hitch: this happened yesterday. Yesterday was Sunday.

His boss caught his fail and had the perfect reply.

Being a bloke with a sense of humour, McLelland tweeted a screenshot of the exchange:

"When u wake up thinking it's Monday morning and text your gaffer wanting a day aff," he wrote.

McLelland's text to his boss reads: “Greig isit awryt if a can take a holiday the day mate av got the runs man." (Translation: Had too much chipotle. Can't make it to work.)

His boss, known only as "Greig," had the perfect comeback: "1 – you need to come up with a better excuse than the runs, that’s the worst ever.

2 – it’s Sunday ya fuckin weapon.”

No translation needed. Whatever "ya fuckin weapon" means, it's not something you want your employer to call you.

Luckily, his boss has a good sense of humourtoo. “I woke up thinking it was Monday and I couldn’t get out bed so the first thing that came to my mind was the runs," McLelland told The Sun.“I never expected that reply but we usually get on well in work so we both saw the funny side to it.”

In other news: now we know some good Scottish slang. Now get out there and use it, ya fuckin weapons.