Let's drink this Wednesday like it's a Thursday, when we drink like it's a Friday.
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William Shatner helps desperate dad find the only Kraft Mac & Cheese his autistic son can eat.
Anyone who was a picky eater as a kid can probably identify with 6-year-old Everett Botwright, a sweet little boy who struggles to find food he likes because of his autism. But, as his dad Reed explained in a Facebook post, Everett is a big fan of Kraft Mac & Cheese—specifically, the StarWars kind.
This was a great discovery for the family, Reed said, but unfortunately, they'd already bought their local Walmart's entire supply and were running out. No other store in their city (Nanaimo, on Vancouver Island in British Columbia) seemed to have any. So he put out a call for help finding more boxes.
Then, seemingly because someone on Twitter confused Star Wars with Star Trek, Captain James T. Kirk himself—William Shatner—was conscripted in the effort to track down Everett's famous meal. He graciously put aside the rivalry between the two science-fiction universes and reached out to Kraft.
Soon enough, Star Wars Kraft dinners were pouring in from all over.
Just a few days later, a grateful Botwright let everyone know that between donations and a shipment from their local grocer, Everett now had enough of his favorite food to last until he goes to college—just not enough room for it all!
That's certainly a relief. This little Jedi needs all the carbs he can get.
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Mel Gibson is reportedly in talks to direct 'Suicide Squad 2,' and people are losing their minds.
Remember Suicide Squad? The bad movie about comic book supervillains becoming the good guys (I think, never actually saw it)? And remember Mel Gibson? The Jesus-loving guy who still has a career in Hollywood despite being a racistconservative? Well, you'll never guess where this is going.
OK, you called it: Warner Brothers is reportedly looking to bring Gibson aboard for Suicide Squad 2—man, it feels weird to even type that sequel title—not as a new character, but to direct. This is 2017, folks. This is the world we live in.
Two unpopular things that go great together? Not judging by the reactions:
Now, it's true that nothing is confirmed yet, and things can always go haywire at any stage of film production. He also called Warner Brothers' widely panned Batman v Superman"a piece of shit," which is kind of awkward.
But in a certain way, doesn't this make sense?
And yet, there are so many reasons to think this may not happen.
And yet, if it did...
So a mixed bag all in all, though certainly the stuff that social media wildfires are made of. Hey, why bother making good films when you can just count on controversy to sell tickets?
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World's most patient man has stupidly brilliant idea for how to win a lawsuit against Walmart.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. And some are aiming a little lower than greatness.
Take this mad genius who figured out how a little patience could get him a big payday—in the form of a lawsuit settlement—from megastore superchain Walmart. Is this the best get-rich-quick scheme we've ever seen? Not even close, but still, the man is thinking outside the box, and that's saying something.
People, this is what courage looks like. And we need to celebrate it.
The only problem we can foresee, besides the fact that the scheme has gone viral, is that he made a slight miscalculation as to where he was standing.
Anyway, legend has it that he's still out there at Walmart right now, waiting through the night for the gentle breeze that will knock that "P" off the side of the building and make him a millionaire. His resolve, though, is unshakeable.
As President Trump would say: SEE YOU IN COURT.
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Let's throwback to a happier time before Throwback Thursdays existed.
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Jimmy Kimmel makes his audience guess if strangers had sex last night, awkwardness ensues.
Jimmy Kimmel is known to send correspondents out onto the street to ask civilians uncomfortable questions, but his latest "Pedestrian Question" might just be the most awkward one yet. Kimmel asked passersby if they had sex this Valentine's Day, and before the actual answer was revealed, his studio audience weighed in with their opinions. Can you really determine if someone had just come back from a trip to Pound Town just by looking at them? Apparently you can.
Get it, Guillermo.
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Watch Jake Tapper relentlessly attack Donald Trump for suddenly hating conspiracy theories.
On Wednesday, Jake Tapper decided to fill the role a generation of viewers have come to expect more from the Daily Showthan CNN: he called out the president on rampant hypocrisy. It was even kind of funny.
Jake Tapper doesn't have the comedic timing of a Jon Stewart, he just has the hair. But he couldn't let the absurdity of this Donald Trump tweet pass him by:
After stories of Trump advisors contacting Russians splashed across all the major news outlets, Trump sought to portray the "fake media" as full of "conspiracy theories," even as he simultaneously denounced the presumably accurate "leaks" coming from his government.
But that wasn't the real point.
"These stories in the New York Times, the Washington Post, CNN and elsewhere are not conspiracy theories. These are news stories, sourced by government officials. Conspiracy theories are different. They're false, they're crackpot," explained Tapper. "They're nonsense."
Now came Jake Tapper's furrowed brow, his gesture to the footage to come, all the hallmarks of an incoming joke... *Tapper comedy alert!*
"How do I illustrate what a conspiracy theory is..." said Tapper, who should have continued with an "OH, I DUNNO!"
Instead he went with, "How about this one, about Ted Cruz's father?"
Cut to Donald Trump being Donald Trump.
"THAT's a conspiracy theory," said Tapper, imagining his audience roaring with approval. "Or how about this one, about President Obama?"
Cut to Donald Trump being Donald Trump.
"Those are conspiracy theories. These are facts."
Maybe comedy doesn't have to do CNN's job anymore.
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Next season of 'American Horror Story' will be about something truly terrifying.
Get excited, people—Ryan Murphy has spilled a big detail about the theme of the next season of his hit show, American Horror Story. During appearances on both E! News and Bravo's Watch What Happens Live, Murphy, the show's creator and executive producer, said that the upcoming seventh season will be about something truly horrifying: the 2016 election.
"It's very scary and very fun and very…topical. Anybody who voted in the last election will very much enjoy what it's about," he told E! News.
He also let viewers know that actors Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters are going to the be the leads.
But he got even more specific talking to Bravo's Andy Cohen. "Well, I don't have a title, but the season we begin shooting in June is going to be about the election that we just went through," Murphy told Cohen.
"Will there be a Trump?" Cohen asked, and Murphy replied, "Maybe." GAH! It already sounds terrifying!
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Woman pens terrifying essay about being conscious for her entire surgery.
It sounds like something out of a nightmare, but for Canadian woman Donna Penner, waking up and being conscious for her entire abdominal surgery was very much real life. Penner wrote an essay for BBCdetailing the terrifying time she woke up paralyzed right before being cut open for an exploratory laparoscopy in 2008, and recalled how she was able to feel every incision for a grueling hour and a half as a doctor operated on her.
An exploratory laparoscopy is an abdominal surgery that involves a fiber-optic instrument being inserted through the abdominal wall to view the organs in the abdomen. During surgery prep, Penner was given an intravenous drip by an anesthesiologist as well as a paralytic, which is a common for these types of surgeries because relaxes the abdominal muscles and makes it easier for the doctor to slice through the tissue.
Penner recalls immediately falling asleep after she was given the general anesthetic, but woke up soon after. She assumed the surgery was finished, but was horrified when she heard the surgeon say "scalpel, please." The general anesthetic hadn't worked, but the paralytic had. Penner was not at the end of her surgery—they had just begun.
I panicked. I thought this cannot be happening. So I waited for a few seconds, but then I felt him make the first incision. I don't have words to describe the pain - it was horrific. I could not open my eyes. The first thing that I tried to do was to sit up, but I couldn't move. It felt like somebody was sitting on me, weighing me down. I wanted to say something, I wanted to move, but I couldn't. I was so paralyzed I couldn't even make the tears to cry.
Penner tried to make small movements to alert the staff that she was awake, but was completely paralyzed. At one point she says she was able to twitch her foot, but a nurse just held it down without verbally communicating that she was moving. She wrote how she heard the doctors talking, felt the pain of the instruments cutting through her skin, and even heard her own heart rate rising on the monitor.
To top it all off, because I was paralyzed, they had intubated me - put me on a breathing machine - and set the ventilator to breathe seven times a minute. Even though my heart rate was up at 148 beats per minute, that's all I got - those seven breaths a minute. I was suffocating. It felt as though my lungs were on fire.
Eventually, the paralytic wore off enough to the point that Penner could wiggle her breathing tube with her tongue and garner the attention of the doctor. It eventually worked, and the anesthesiologist removed the breathing tube from her throat. However, without the tube, she was unable to breathe. For a moment, Penner recalls having an out of body experience and feeling like she had died and went to heaven. Eventually the doctors noticed she was struggling and gave her an oxygen bag to restore her breathing.
After the ordeal, Penner sued the hospital. Although the incident occurred nine years ago, Penner still has trauma due to the experience, but is continuing to work through it by seeing a therapist.
My story is not to lay blame or to point fingers. I want people to understand that this thing can happen and does happen. I want to raise awareness, and help something good come out of this awful experience.
To read Donna Penner's essay for BBC in its entirety here.
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Guy gets called 'a little much' by his date, immediately turns into a lot much.
Some people really, really can't take a hint. Like this dude, who went on a date with a lady before being politely rejected by her. User Lossaysswag posted a few screenshots of a friend's exchange with the guy, along with the text "My friend barely met this guy last week. Real men don't get turned down."
It's an understatement to say that this fellow did not handle being told "no thanks" very well. In fact, after being called "a little much," the guy decided to turn the amp to 11 and go fully A LOT MUCH.
That last part is actually not true—she called him "a little much" and she was NOT WRONG. It's pretty easy to tell when someone is "a little much"; it's maybe not as easy to predict when they're going to go cuckoo bananas on you, proving your point entirely.
Well, he's definitely entertaining the internet, that much is true. Sorry, guy. It's just not going to work out. Maybe dial it back a notch (or seven or eight) and try, try again. Dating can be so difficult.
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Remorseless cheater tells ex why he cheated, becomes the internet's newest supervillain.
Kourtney and Leonard sat down, so close their knees were nearly touching, and talked about their relationship in a heart-wrenching video for The Scene.
The premise: "He cheated on her. Now she wants to know why."
Leonard either has a hard time showing emotion or he's the most cold hearted cheater to ever escape a Maury set. Point is, Kourtney got her answer and we got a few choice anecdotes. Like the time Kourtney walked in on Leonard with another girl and Leonard made Kourtney—his girlfriend—GO TO HER ROOM.
Despite the fact that Leonard is a remorseless monster, the two are still friends. At one point Leonard tells his ex he's happy he gets "a chance to see you grow into the woman that you're becoming."
Man, Leonard. You're gonna be a real weird dad someday. Anyway, the internet melted down, and the comments section was truly popcorn-time.
There were those who hated Leonard.
And those that wondered why anyone would participate in this video.
You know what? It was pretty much just people hating Leonard.
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Samantha Bee slams Paul Ryan, the Taylor Swift of politics.
Wednesday night on Full Frontal, Samantha Bee dedicated a segment to Donald Trump's would-be babysitter turned spineless goon, one Speaker of House Paul Ryan.
Take a tour through the "moral compass of the Republican Party's" proud, principled stances, condemning Trump's actions (but not the man himself!) with as much empty conviction as Taylor Swift at an awards show.
"Take another cue from Taylor Swift, Mr. Speaker, know when to dump the guy you've been just pretending to like to help your career," Bee jokes, with alongside a picture of Tom Hiddleston, though it could also be one of Calvin Harris, John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal or a whole number of ex-boyfriends, "It kind of hurts your 'moral compass of the Republican party' brand."
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Tiffany Trump has found a friend in Whoopi Goldberg, at least during New York Fashion Week.
News coming out of New York Fashion Week is that Tiffany Trump is being as neglected by the fashionistas as she is by her father.
At designer Philipp Plein's show on Monday, Wall Street Journal reported that the sad, forgotten First Daughter (forgotten by her dad) was fully Mean Girls-ed out.
But Tiffany was defended by an unlikely source: Whoopi Goldberg. Wednesday morning on The View, Goldberg, who is an unspoken critic of The Donald, and even feuded the second-least favorite, Eric, spoke up for the "Like a Bird" singer.
“You know what, Tiffany, I’m supposed to go to a couple more shows. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m coming to sit with you,” Goldberg said, “Because nobody’s talking politics. You’re looking at fashion! She doesn’t want to talk about her dad! She’s looking at the fashion!”
Goldberg made a point to highlight that sitting next to Tiffany is different from listening to Kellyanne Conway and going to buy Ivanka's stuff:
“That’s all about buying stuff. You’re buying stuff. This girl is looking at fashion, and she’s just looking at fashion. I just thought it was mean.”
Tiffany was grateful for the defense, and is excited to make a new friend.
It's sad that Donald Trump—who so famously tweeted that his daughter Ivanka "has been treated so unfairly by Nordstrom"—couldn't take the time out of his busy day of tweeting and watching cable news to abuse the power of his office and say "my daughter Tiffany has been treated so unfairly by New York Fashion Week."
Lucky for Tiffany, there's Whoopi to the rescue.
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Trump threatens to punish 'low-life leakers.' Of course Twitter had jokes about that.
In another early-morning Twitter rant (Are these going to happen every day?), President Donald Trump once again went after the anonymous whistleblowers within his government.
And during a congressional listening session at the White House on Thursday, Trump further threatened those low-life leakers ("LLLs" in political jargon), saying, "We’re going to find the leakers. They’re going to pay a big price."
Of course, the people of Twitter were waiting for him to lob him a softball like that. They pounced on him with jokes like they do every single day.
Come on, POTUS. You can't saw "low-life leakers" and expect it not to become a meme. How long have you been on Twitter now?
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Man live-tweets in horror after roommate murders someone in their apartment.
A Gainesville, Florida student's apartment became a crime scene on Monday when his roommate murdered her boyfriend in her bedroom. And while this would be a sad, grisly story under any circumstances, it's attracting an abnormal amount of attention online, all because this guy chose to live-tweet the entire thing.
He provided evidence to prove he wasn't making this up.
Police set him up in a hotel while they collected evidence from the apartment.
And it only got weirder from there.
sigh pic.twitter.com/fduXh40EhD
— 💋 (@chaserojo) February 15, 2017
Now he faces the challenge of trying to sleep in that place.
well girls im packing my shit and moving pic.twitter.com/AVK2Rvq26l
— 💋 (@chaserojo) February 15, 2017
OHHHHH MY GODDDD pic.twitter.com/83g7EbFOQE
— 💋 (@chaserojo) February 15, 2017
But he managed to keep things in perspective.
A sense of humor can get you through the darkest times.
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Matt Damon gives George Clooney the least helpful parenting advice ever.
George Clooney and his wife Amal Clooney are expecting twins, so it's natural that they're seeking out parenting advice from their friends and family. Unfortunately, it seems their friend Matt Damon won't be of any help.
Matt Damon, who has four kids of his own, was on The Ellen Degeneres Show recently. When asked about his friend's impending fatherhood, Damon admitted that he didn't really know what to tell George Clooney.
"I don't know how anybody does twins," Damon said. "Those sleepless nights, and then there's two of them. Like, there's just no way. But we'll see what happens."
Super comforting. Thank you, Matt.
“He said to me, ‘Well, you know, you have four,’" Damon continued. "And I said, ‘Yeah, but not at once! Like, we did it one at a time!”
Matt Damon also told Ellen that George Clooney's circle of friends have been having fun with his late start as a dad.
"All of his friends... their kids are either in college or on their way," he said. "Now George is just getting started."
Despite his lack of helpful advice, Matt Damon does think George Clooney will make a great dad.
“Those kids are really lucky,” Damon said on the Today show last week. “She’s spectacular … He’ll be great. He’s so smart, he’s so loving. He’s going to be great.”
I agree. George and Amal Clooney will be great parents with or without parenting advice from Matt Damon.
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Some Comics: Trump Therapy, Ep. 5
He won't speak to the press but at least he'll talk to his shrink. Get to know the gentle, thoughtful, only slightly sociopathic side of President Donald Trump. Welcome to Trump Therapy. (Here's Ep. 4)
Check out Trump Therapy, Episode 4.
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Listen to Beyoncé's isolated vocals from the Grammys and bow down to Queen Bey.
Well, they don't call her "Queen Bey" for nothing. Deadspin has released Beyoncé's isolated vocals from her incredible 2017 Grammys performance, and her voice sounds just as perfect as you'd except.
Beyoncé always delivers when it comes to killer costumes, incredible choreography and innovative staging, but at the heart of it all are her crystal clear vocals that never fail to deliver. Don't believe me? Take a listen.
The riffs. The high notes. The vibrato. Flawless (pun intended).
Carlos Santana recently critiqued Beyoncé by calling her a "model" rather than a "singer, singer." Well, read em' and weep, Santana, because this recording proves what the rest of us already knew— girl can do it all.
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Relationships come and go, but stalking your exes online lasts forever
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Seth Rogen slides into Donald Trump Jr.'s DMs to try and save humanity.
In the growing movement against the Trump administration, people are trying to help resist his madness in anyway they can, whether it's shopping at Nordstrom or jamming to Katy Perry. Using his power of celebrity, Seth Rogen decided to use his unique access to First Son and Skittles Fanatic Donald Trump Jr. and slide into his DMs for a lil' chat.
In addition to standing up for the environment (we all know that Rogen loves trees, dude), he humbly asks the "boss's son" to try and get the House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz to do his job on the dearly departed Michael Flynn (he's not dead—just fired).
If not Meryl Streep, here's hoping Rogen could be the celebrity who saves us.
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