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Comedian offers to listen to all of Twitter's petty complaints. And there are a lot of complaints.

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With the world in the state that its in, a lot of people are starting to feel guilty when they complain about the petty and insignificant things that bother them in their day-to-day lives. One man, nay, hero, is here to rid us of our guilt.

On Tuesday, a man by the name of John Miguel McCauley invited the Twitter-verse to share their petty complaints with him, judgment-free.

He welcomed complaints from people who were suffering from the winter blues.

He welcomed those who have weirdos for neighbors.

He welcomed those who had minor gripes about their beloved pets.

He listened to those scorned by the horrors of the drive-thru (Seriously though, it is the worst when they don't put enough ice in your drink).

He welcomed those who felt judged by their FitBits.

The best part? McCauley is actually responding to almost every petty complaint.

He was a bit overwhelmed with complaints, but promised to get to all of them, no matter how petty.

This man is a saint.


Twitter tries to make sense of Trump’s bonkers press conference.

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Donald Trump's press conference announcing Alexander Acosta for Secretary of Labor quickly turned into a rambling mess in true Trump fashion. The president played all his greatest hits: bragging about his electoral college victory, rants about "fake news," and his pitch for his dystopian reality in which "drugs are cheaper than candy bars."

Here are the most important tweets to come out of the trainwreck:

And the kicker:

The paws-down weirdest paparazzi photo of Robert Downey Jr.'s dog has everyone losing it.

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A radio host named Jamie East shared a 2009 paparazzi photo of Robert Downey Jr. on Wednesday, and Twitter immediately became concerned, amused, baffled, and any number of other choice adjectives about a dog in the background.

Why? Everything about the dog's expression, position, and—no, mainly those two things. The dog's expression and position were incredibly bizarre.

Yeah, you see now. You see, but you don't understand. No one does. Twitter made all the obvious, gross jokes.

Twitter made all the cry-face emojis.

And Twitter asked the hard questions.

That's all there is here. No word from Robert Downey Jr. yet. Try to unsee this the best you can.

There's no one I'd rather knock up on this date night.

Here's Donald Trump's non-apology when a reporter confronts him on his electoral college lie.

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On Thursday afternoon, Donald Trump held a press conference to announce his new Secretary of Labor pick. As it quickly turned into a rambling mess, Donald Trump took questions from the assembled reporters.

At one point, NBC's Peter Alexander took issue with a statement Trump had made earlier in the press conference. Donald Trump, according to Donald Trump, had won"the biggest Electoral College win since Ronald Reagan."

Since we all have Google, we know that Reagan won 489 Electoral College votes in 1980. Because we're all conscious people who are alive, we know that several men, including George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama, have been president "since Ronald Reagan."

And because this is relevant, we can easily learn that all three of the aforementioned presidents won more than Trump's 304 electoral votes in various presidential elections since 1980.

So here's Peter Alexander giving Trump the facts, and asking him why we should trust his constant claims of "fake news" about the "failing" New York Times when he himself just spewed brazen alternative facts at a press conference.

"So why should Americans trust you when you accuse the information they've received as being fake?"

Notice Donald Trump nodding along at the beginning of Peter Alexander's question. Then listen to Donald Trump saying, "I was given that information. I don't know. I was just given it. We had a very, very big margin."

He continued, "It was a substantial victory. You do agree with that?"

"You're the president," responded Alexander. So, no.

Melania Trump starts #PowerOfTheFirstLady hashtag campaign. Of course, it backfires.

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Oh no, someone should have told Melania Trump that hashtag campaigns can easily backfire. Especially when your husband is one of the most loathed US Presidents in recent history.

Earlier this week, Melania started her own hashtag to support... herself? It did not go well for her.

"Applause to all women around the world who speak up, stand up and support other women!" she wrote.

The tweet was a response to Gone Girl actress Emily Ratajkowski, who defended Melania Trump earlier this week after a New York Times reporter published slut-shaming comments. But though the message "support other women!" is a good and important one, Melania's plan backfired.

Because while the GOP may control the House, Senate and the White House (a place Melania may visit someday), the resistance still rules over Twitter. And people jumped at the opportunity to criticize Melania's role in her husband's reign-of-terror, as well as her apparent reluctance to have anything to do with the White House.

#PowerOfTheFirstLady is now trending, but not in the way she had presumably hoped:

Tough, but fair.

And a lot of people are just using the hashtag to tweet about how great Michelle Obama was:

Sigh, she really was the greatest.

Nevertheless, Melania has persisted™ tweeting about the "Power of the First Lady," almost as if she has no idea she's being widely trolled. Yesterday she tweeted about meeting with Mrs. Netanyahu:

I concur with Melania that it's important for women to support other women, which is why I want to tell her: Girl, please stop it with this hashtag. You're doing yourself no favors. Twitter is just not that into you.

Xoxo.

Tom Brady's biggest fan gets his face tattooed on a NSFW place.

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There's fandom and then there's all-caps FANDOM. Like, for example, this person who loves New England Patriots' Tom Brady so much that he got a tattoo of the quarterback's face. On his butt. Yup.

The tattoo was done at Boston Barber & Tattoo, which, as Vice pointed out, has had its fair share of experience with Patriots tattoos.

Although, is it really fandom when someone gets another person's face tattooed on their ass? It seems a little more like an insult.

But (haha, pun intended) judging from the fact that the guy who got the ink was wearing a Brady jersey and hat while getting it done, we can safely assume that yes, he's probably a fan. A big fan. A HUGE FAN. Hopefully one day he gets to show off his tattoo to Tom Brady himself. I'm sure he'll be so pleased.

'Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special' is totally bizarre and we love it.

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If you find yourself scrolling through Netflix tonight and are in the mood for something silly, self-aware, and which will probably get you and/or your partner pregnant, we recommend you check out Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special.

This Netflix original, from The Lonely Island's Akiva Schaffer and Comedy Bang Bang! Bang!'s Scott Aukerman, is both a genuine Valentine's Day special featuring the immortally smooth voice of Michael Bolton, and a ridiculous parody of the entire history of television. And as an added bonus, it'll get you horny.

I wasn't sure what to make of this show going in. But I'm very pleased to report that it exceeded all of my expectations. It's the perfect combination of funny sketches, beautiful singing, and virtual reality sex. By the end, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or to rub my whole body sensually with oil. So I did both.

What's more, the celebrity cameos come thicker than the roots of Michael Bolton's blond locks. The show features such comedy favorites as Adam Scott, Maya Rudolph, Chris Parnell, Sinbad, Andy Richter, Brooke Shields, Fred Armisen, Andy Samberg as Kenny G, Kenny G as a janitor, Janeane Garofalo, Eric Andre, Sarah Silverman, and an entire dance troupe of Captain Jack Sparrows. And that's only the tip of the star-studded iceberg coming to destroy your Titanic of Laughs.

Check out the trailer below. Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special is currently available for streaming on Netflix. But before you watch it, you might want to sign up for a Lamaze class. Because the baby-making mojo in this thing is potent.


This dude's giant back blackheads squirted Dr. Pimple Popper in the face. It was awesome.

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Dr. Pimple Popper suffers for her patients, exposing herself to any manner of gooey, smelly, and liquidy excretions from their skin. But it doesn't phase her—she's a dermatologist, baby! She lives for this stuff!

So when today's patient, a man with a large number of big, stubborn blackheads on the center of his back, wound up having some skin geysers in store for Dr. Lee, she just closed her mouth, gritted her teeth, and did her job. Even better, she filmed it for all of us.

From this patient's taciturn manner, you might think he doesn't enjoy it. But when he tells Dr. Lee that he's having "the time of his life?" That's one of those moments that makes us love being popaholics.

My office crush is your candy dish.

Sorry our office has all the backstabbing of Game of Thrones and none of the sex.

Dads dance ballet with their daughters on Valentine's Day and the internet can't even.

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A group of unconventional ballerinas have gone viral but not because of their flawless plies. A Philadelphia dance studio held a “Daddy Daughter Valentine’s Ballet Class” on Tuesday, and a bunch of daring dads stepped up to the challenge.

They looked nothing like this:

The Philadelphia Dance Center posted two videos to Facebook where they have since been viewed collectively over 20 million times. And you can see why. This is the most adorable thing I've seen on the internet not involving a puppy or a baby, maybe ever:

Daddy Daughter Valentine's Ballet Class ❤❤❤

Posted by Philadelphia Dance Center on Tuesday, February 14, 2017

The second one, impossibly, is even better than the first:

Dad's are MOVING ALONG TONIGHT!!!❤💯

Posted by Philadelphia Dance Center on Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Sure, most of these guys don't have "moves," per se. I've seen elephants at the zoo move with more grace and dexterity. And these guys' daughters out-dance them in every single duo.

That being said, nothing says "I'm comfortable with my masculinity AND have a big heart" quite like a man in a tutu attempting a plie.

I applaud these dads for showing us how it's done—they might suck at dancing, but they're killing it at dad-ing.

I love that our friendship has lasted longer than our ability to hold grudges.

The Crocodile Hunter's son was on 'The Tonight Show' and he is a spitting image of his late father.

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Robert Irwin, Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin's son, is carrying on his late father's legacy by not only working with animals, and also freaking out late night hosts with them. The 13-year-old appeared on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday and brought some scaly and furry friends along with him. Robert introduced Fallon to a African dwarf crocodile, a screaming armadillo, a red-tailed boa constrictor, and not one but TWO sloths. You're welcome, internet.

"It's so cool to see you like this," Fallon remarked to the teen. "You're actually your dad!" And he's totally right. Not only does Robert Irwin look just like his father, but he has the same signature enthusiasm for wildlife.

Robert also noted that his father made an appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno many years prior.

Big sister Bindi Irwin is also following in her Dad's footsteps, and works alongside her mother and little brother at the Australia Zoo.

Who will you be spending #SuperBowl with today? 😘🌿🏈

A post shared by Bindi Irwin (@bindisueirwin) on

Crikey, would Steve Irwin be proud if he could see his family today.

I need a mental health day to recover from my mental health night of drinking.


Woman donned an insane disguise to make sure her BFF's date went well. Well, it went viral.

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Here's Dawsyn Eubanks, an actress who recently went on a first date with some unnamed person who's really not important to the story.

who put coal in my stocking

A post shared by dawsyn eubanks (@dawsyns_creek) on

The important part is that Dawson received a text from her best friend whilst on this date. "Why aren't you eating your food."

No question mark, because it wasn't really a question. It was more, "hey, I'm behind you, and I'd rather you find out from me."

How comforting.

Was the disguise necessary? Did the server say anything about it? Is that a printer in the background? We'll never know, and it's best not to ask too many questions here.

Wait, no questions. Although you must wonder how this actually helps you on a date.

It's just another viral tale from the dating world of Twitter. Somehow it didn't kill the vibe.

Someone adapt this into a sitcom.

Grammys president says he doesn't think they have a race problem.

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Recording Academy President Neil Portnow says he doesn't think that the Grammys have a race problem, and that race didn't play a part in Adele beating out Beyoncé for Album of the Year.

Speaking to music website Pitchfork, Portnow said, "No, I don't think there's a race problem at all. Remember, this is a peer-voted award. So when we say the Grammys, it's not a corporate entity. It's the 14,000 members of the Academy."

Beyonce was the most nominated artist at the 2017 Grammys with nine nominations, but she only walked away with two wins. Pitchfork pointed out that white artists have won Album of the Year for almost the last decade (Herbie Hancock won in 2008). Portnow explained,

We don’t, as musicians, in my humble opinion, listen to music based on gender or race or ethnicity. When you go to vote on a piece of music—at least the way that I approach it—is you almost put a blindfold on and you listen. It’s a matter of what you react to and what in your mind as a professional really rises to the highest level of excellence in any given year. And that is going to be very subjective. That’s what we ask our members to do, even in the ballots. We ask that they not pay attention to sales and marketing and popularity and charts.

He added, "But we are always working on increasing diversity in membership, whether it’s ethnicity, gender, genre, or age. In order to maintain our relevance, we have to be refreshing all the time and we have to be doing that across the board."

But apparently not everyone feels the same. Singer Frank Ocean decided not to submit his album, Blonde, telling the New York Timesthat the Recording Academy "doesn't seem to be representing very well for people who come from where I come from."

Adele, who won Album of the Year for her album 25 over Beyoncé's Lemonade, said backstage at the Grammys,

My view is, like, 'What the fuck does she have to do to win Album of the Year?The Grammys are very traditional, but I just thought this year would be the year that they would kind of go with the tide.

James Corden sent his adorable parents to the Grammys red carpet and they couldn't handle it.

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If you ever wondered where James Corden got it from, this clip of his hilarious parents on the Grammys red carpet will explain everything.

Malcolm and Margaret Corden flew all the way to Los Angeles from England not only to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary, but to support their son as he hosted the biggest night in music. But these two spitfires didn't just sit back and enjoy the entertainment from the audience— they rolled up their sleeves and did some red carpet coverage themselves.

Margaret and Malcolm rubbed elbows with some of the biggest stars in music, grabbed some complimentary goodies, and even got a little air time during the awards ceremony. Sorry James, but your parents might just be more entertaining than you.

Someone get these two crazy kids their own late night show STAT.

Fox News anchor Shepard Smith rants against Trump's 'crazy' presser, enrages the deplorables.

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The internet was left reeling on Thursday afternoon after a particularly rambling press conference from President Donald Trump, the point of which was supposedly to announce his nominee for Labor Secretary, Alexander Acosta. In a short span, Trump bragged about his electoral college victory, repeated his oft-debunked claim about "illegal voters," slammed the "fake news," and asked an African-American reporter if she was "friends" with the Congressional Black Caucus. Afterward, even normally Trump-loving Fox News reporters were dumbstruck.

But nobody was more disturbed than Fox News' Shepard Smith, one of the network's more centrist anchors. After the presser, he went on an impromptu rant against the president's tendency to constantly make statements that are "demonstrably, unquestionably, 100 percent false." He even defended a colleague at rival outlet CNN, which Trump has often labeled "fake news."

Of course, Fox News viewers weren't used to hearing this kind of talk. They immediately started calling for Smith's head on Twitter.

Meanwhile, the Left was rejoicing.

Regardless of how you feel about Smith's comments, it does seem significant that anyone on Fox News is talking this way about Trump. It seems that slowly, even organizations that had allied themselves to the new president are changing their mind about him. Except for Russia.

Manager leaves hilarious note warning employees of 'blind rage' if they call him on vacation.

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This post on Reddit is a great illustration of just how badly some people need their vacations from work. Reddit user Belacinator posted a picture of a sign his or her manager had hung in the store, pleading with employees that they don't disturb him during his time off.

The (very long, very detailed) sign reads,

VACATION!

(I will be on it)

I WILL BE ON VACATION STARTING WEDNESDAY 2/15 AND RETURNING ON SATURDAY 2/25.

Picture this scene: me standing on a balcony overlooking the Gulf of Mexico, the sugar sand beaches, cup of coffee in hand and the sun on my face. My wife lounges in a patio chair leisurely reading a book. Then imagine my cell phone ringing the blind rage that follows.

Picture me pitching my cell phone from my beachfront balcony all the way into the briny depths of Davy Jones' Locker. Then picture a squid using that phone to call all his buddies long-distance in the pacific and running up my phone bill, a squid doesn't have a brain, it doesn't understand complicated voice and data plans.

Think once: Don't call me.

Think twice: Don't call me.

Think three times: Don't call me.

(Unless the store has burned down, blown up, or washed away.)

Tracy and Don will be here to guide you. Be good to them.

See y'all in 10 days.

D.

Boy howdy, this person sounds like he really needs this vacation. Please, for the love of God, don't call him.

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