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On their 61st wedding anniversary, a man published the sweetest love letter to his wife in the local newspaper.

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Romance is alive and well and residing in North Carolina. 
(Images via 
WBTV)

If you're at one of those points in your life when you've decided to swear off love and romance and "work on you for a while," avoid this story as it might give you enough hope to jump back on the dating sites. 

Bob Phillips loves the crap out of his wife. He loves her the way you want to be loved, the way you wish you had it in you to love if your parents' divorce hadn't messed you up so bad. This guy loves, and it's a big enough deal to him that he wanted it in the papers. 


(Via WBTV)

Bob Phillips wrote his wife Gail a love letter, and rather than just hand it to her, he decided to publish it in the Charlotte Observer on the occasion of their 61st wedding anniversary (Bob doesn't need a round number to go big!). 

Dear Gail, 

I look at newspaper pictures of new brides every Sunday. I'm searching. I want to see if there is now or ever will be another bride as lovely as you. Been doing that since June 27, 1953. 

Actually, I already know the answer. There is not - and never will be to me - your equal in loveliness. On our wedding day you were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The delightful truth is that you still are. 

Happy anniversary, sweetheart. You've made me and you keep me the happiest and most grateful husband any bride could ever know. I'd gladly welcome another 61 years of marriage with you. Beyond that I pray we will spend eternity together. 

All my love, Bob

(via: Legacy)

Dudes. That is how it is done.

Naturally, the letter grabbed hearts and tear ducts in Charlotte and beyond, and Bob and Gail took to the local news, where WBTV caught him expounding about his special lady and choking up with tears live on camera.

By the way, a lot of people will have read this letter by the end of the week. So the next time you get caught checking out another woman, don't try and use that "trying to see if there's another as lovely as you" line. She might know where you cribbed it from.

(by Bob Powers)


Aloof cat saves a woman's life by alerting neighbors, becomes hero.

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One look at her face and I knew I had to save it from being eaten by me.
 (via Lancashire Telegraph)

Janet Rawlinson, 48, from Cornholme, England became semi-comatose after a bad reaction to morphine she took for her chronic back pain. She went in and out of consciousness for five days, all while her cat, Slinky Malinky, tried to save her life

Slinky tapped on the window of next-door-neighbors Mel and Stephen Sharp, stared at them from their fence, and harassed their dog to get their attention. It worked. The Sharps noticed the cat's strange behavior and realized they hadn't seen Rawlinson for a few days. They broke in through her back door and ended up saving her life. 

Pretty exciting events for those in the pro-cat camp. Until now, dogs have been getting all the life-saving accolades just because they can learn how to detect cancer, while the only cat with any such recognition has been Oscar, the "grim rea-purr," who is famous for calling deaths in a retirement home like a bingo announcer.  Even Rawlinson was surprised by her pet's help, claiming that Slinky had usually been aloof, but ever since the morphine incident he has been a lot more attentive.

Or maybe he is just keeping up appearances because he is up for a hero award at the Cats Protection’s National Cat Awards in London.


I can haz new name, plz. (via Lancashire Telegraph)

(by Myka Fox)

This mash-up shows that 'Dawn of the Planet of the Apes' and 'Boyhood' are practically the same movie.

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"When you comin' home son? I don't know when, but we'll eat bananas then."

This past weekend was a pretty good weekend for movies. Two likely classics hit theaters at the same time. At first glance, they seem as different as different can be—Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is a dystopic sci-fi blockbuster epic about angry, increasingly intelligent apes overtaking humanity, while Boyhood is a laconic indie study of a young man's journey into the world of adults—but they have more in common than you might think. After all, how much difference is there really between a pack of wild monkeys bent on the destruction of humanity and a group of teenage kids hanging out in the parking lot of the Wendy's down the street from my house on a Friday night? Not much. Take my word for it.

In case you needed any more convincing, check out this fantastic mash-up of the trailers to the two movies. They're practically the same film, give or take a $120 million effects budget:

For comparison's sake, here's the actual trailers for the two films:


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Finally out.

A-hole crab steals a beer over man's loud protests.

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Maybe the crab was just cutting him off for taking a vertical video.

Crabs are not good drunks. They already can't walk straight, and they constantly wave their hands around like they want to fight. What's worse, they're grabby, and there's no telling a drunk crab to let go of something. That's what happened to this guy, whose beer bottle was absconded with by a sand-colored crustacean with an attitude problem.

Then, in the ultimate jerk move, the crab just drops the bottle and acts like he has no memory of any of that even happening. And you can't even stay mad at him, because it's his beach and he's letting us humans use it.

Also, that crab needs a girlfriend. Did you see how much bigger his right arm was than his left? Gross.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Easily distracted.

A guy trying to sell his beat-up 15-year-old car made a professional-quality commercial for it.

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Hey, it could have zero hubcaps. One is pretty luxurious.

David Johns is an Australian guy who is ready to part ways with his 1999 Holden Barina, although he must like it a heckuva lot, because he and the video production company Chimney Group created a full-scale, minute-long, high-production-value car commercial for this beat-up two door from a minor automobile company, complete with a tape cassette player (and no CD).

If you're interested, head over to buymybarina.com and tweet Johns an offer.


Warning: contrary to popular belief, Australian dollars are a real thing.

If you still need more convincing, check out the buymybarina Instagram, which has some great shots of this very-limited-edition car.

I'm not in the market for a car, but if I ever need to sell something that's past its prime, I'm hiring this guy.

(by Johnny McNulty)

This dog is really freaked out by an egg.

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Dog researcher at work.

Guys! Hey, guys! I don't know what's up with this ball that you took out of the refrigerator. First of all, it's not shaped right. It's less bally than the other balls. And also it's moving really, like, weird and stuff. I think it might be haunted. Or, worse, there might be a tiny squirrel inside. 

I think maybe I'd better eat it. Just to be safe. What do you guys think? Hey, why are you laughing? This is serious! Like the time I saved the family from that plastic bag in the back yard.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)


It's a ghost! It's a poltergeist! No, its a meth head!

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This is your house. This is your house on meth. (via Vocativ)

University District, Seattle residents Brian and Bridget O'Neill came home late Wednesday night to find that their condo had been possessed.

Clothes were scattered all over the floor, junk mail ripped open, and all the household electronics were piled precariously on their bed. The soles of over 20 pairs of shoes had been ripped out. Lotion covered the doorknobs, a paint can was tipped over on the toilet, and a single screw had been screwed into a piece of scrap wood and then jammed through a door hinge. 

None of their belongings appeared to have been stolen.

When police were called, they found no sign of a forced entry, and when they dusted for fingerprints they came up with nothing. The only bit of evidence they found was a purse found on the bed with an ID belonging to a 27-year-old woman. Police suggested that if a person had entered the home, the only way it could have been done was by shimmying up a tree and climbing in through a window. 

With nothing to go on, the police left the O'Neills to collect their wits and pick up the mess. 

That's when Bridget found a pair of shoes that didn't belong to her, and Brian heard a noise coming from under the bed. 

“It was a noise coming from something alive,” Brian O’Neill told Voactiv. “It sounded like a dying possum or raccoon. I had only heard wounded animals make that kind of noise before.”

After deciding the sound couldn't have come from one of their cats, they left the house and called the cops again. This time police emerged from the condo with a culprit, an emaciated blonde woman who had been hiding in the less-than-a-foot-high space under the bed. 

The woman, who remains anonymous, told police that she had been on a "meth rampage" for days. Maybe she should have pled the fifth but after you've deconstructed a bunch of shoes you might as well admit to it all.

When the O'Neills returned to their home, they found a huge kitchen knife under the bed, and a hypodermic needle in their sheets. Apparently, the knife was not an intended murder weapon, just a tool to deconstruct the box springs of the bed during a paranoid fit. 

Hear that, kids? Now instead of blaming your messy room on a ghost, you can just say a crazy meth head did it. 

Growing up I saw the PSA below and was lead to believe meth caused a person to go on a cleaning spree, not to make a mess. I guess they need a new PSA to differentiate between a meth binge and a rampage.

(by Myka Fox)

Confession

The talk.

After effects.

5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. This inconsolable little kid and every other Argentinian soccer fan. For nearly every losing team in this year's World Cup tourney, there's been one heartbroken spectator who epitomized the sense of loss for that country's fans. Yesterday, that honor went to this little crestfallen kid, who angrily shrugged off his father's attempt to console him after Germany scored their winning goal against Argentina. The World Cup is over, but this kid and many like him won't be coming out of their rooms any time soon. They've got some weeping to do.

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(via Getty Images)

4. Anyone booking plane tickets anytime soon. The TSA has been doing such a great job offering physical intimacy to America's randomly selected travelers that our plane tickets are about to start costing more. That TSA security fee built into ticket prices is going to more than double starting July 21st, and there will be increased fees for travelers with long layovers (more than four hours on a domestic flight). Given that the most annoying part of air travel is now going to be the reason our tickets cost more, passengers should at least be allowed to check off a list of pleasure spots before a pat-down.

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3. Fans of 'Archie' comics, and people who really hate 'Archie' comics.Archie Edwards is dead, long live Archie Edwards. The freckled redhead will be shot and killed on Wednesday while defending his gay best friend, married military veteran and freshly-elected Senator Kevin Keller, from a crazed stalker. Archie will die defending Keller "in the manner that epitomizes not only the best of Riverdale, but the best of all of us." This commentary on gun control and mental illness will occur in the spinoff series "Life with Archie," which has dealt with a lot of relevant social issues. Sadly for anyone who blindly hates Archie, he will continue to not be dead in the many other versions of "Archie" published by Archie Comics, including the zombie-infested "Afterlife with Archie."

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(Via WFTV.com)

2. KKK members who also want to be in the police force. The Florida Department of Law Enforcement just announced that, according to a confidential FBI source, two of their Fruitland Park officers, Deputy Police Chief David Borst and Cpl. George Hunnewell, may be affiliated with the Ku Klux Klan. Borst, who was a veteran officer with 20 years on the force, denied everything when he was brought into the police chief's office, but immediately resigned. Hunnewell, who had received disciplinary action in the past, was flat-out fired. While it is not illegal to belong to the KKK, and there is no evidence yet beyond the FBI source, being part of a subversive movement is kinda looked down upon when you are in law enforcement. This isn't the first time KKK members have been kicked off the Fruitland Park force, in 2009 James Elkins resigned after being caught in a photo wearing a KKK robe with his hand on a gun and his badge visible. 

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1. Bethenny Frankel and other moms who think Pre-K clothing should be an adult fashion option. "Real Housewives" star Bethenny Frankel is taking the promotion of her "Skinnygirl" booze label a little too seriously, if this Instagram of her wearing her 4-year-old daughter's pajamas is any indication. The caption for the pic read, "This is my daughter's nightgown and PJ shorts. Think we're ready to start sharing clothes yet?" Nearly all of her commenters responded with a resounding, "Dear God no and you need to get some help." Her Instagram was inundated with fans fearing for her health and for the body image she might be passing along to her daughter, but Frankel took it in stride with a joke on Twitter. Though it's got to be kind of a bummer to have so many strangers judging your behavior, considering she was on "Real Housewives," Frankel has to be kind of excited that she can still do something that can cross the line.

(by Myka FoxJohnny McNultyBob Powers)

Nebraskan kid takes selfie worth $63.2 billion.

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Warren Buffett could buy Instagram just to delete this kid's photo, if he wanted.
(via Instagram)

Nebraskan kid Tom White was enjoying an evening on the town in Omaha, Nebraska last night, which is exciting enough, when he walked by the eCreamery ice cream shop and spotted one of the richest and one of the most famous humans on the planet. Naturally, he turned his back to them and waggled his phone around in the air instead of asking for a real photo or, you know, some life advice. 

Not that I really blame him. Tom White's Instagram account ("speeeeeeed_of_white") describes him as "making the world a better place since 1997." I suppose a teenager might be slightly intimidated by Buffett and a Beatle, or the fact that the combined wealth on that bench is $63.2 billion ($62 billion for Buffett, a paltry $1.2 billion for McCartney). I don't know how much money Tom White is adding to the net worth of this photo, but I have a feeling it's statistically insignificant.

Some other folks snapped some good shots of McCartney's visit to Warren's hometown of Omaha. Apparently Paul was very polite at the ice cream shop, and I'd say that compared to normal Beatlemania, the residents of Omaha were also very polite to Paul and Warren (although they're used to him).

(by Johnny McNulty)

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - July 15, 2014

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1. Cigarette Companies Merge To Create Enormous $27 Billion Smoke Golem Of Death 

Cigarette manufacturers Reynolds American and Lorillard have announced that they are joining together in a $27 billion merger to create a tobacco company capable of engaging in fierce battle with Marlboro on the smoking peaks of Mount Cancer.


2. Rand Paul and Rick Perry Begin Pummeling Each In The Press In Preparation Of GOP Primary Season

Several months ahead of schedule, Republican presidential hopefuls Sen. Rand Paul and Gov. Rick Perry have begun waging war in the press over U.S. foreign policy and other issues that neither fully understand. Somewhere, in a darkened office, Hillary Clinton laughs softly.


3. Californians To Vote On Adding Five More, Even-Shittier Californias To National Map

In the 2016 election, California voters will have the opportunity to vote on splitting their state up into six smaller states, presumably so that they will be able to more easily slip into the Pacific Ocean once the water levels rise in the coming years.


4. Movie That Quentin Tarantino Vows Never To Film Begins Filming Next Year

During an interview with Fox's Good Day Philly, actor Kurt Russell spilled the beans on what could be Quentin Tarantino's next film, The Hateful Eight, which was originally cancelled after the script leaked online. "I’ve got a Tarantino project called The Hateful Eight that looks like it may go somewhere around the beginning of the year," Russell said of the movie that will now probably get cancelled again.


5. Scientists Create Blackness Even Blacker Than Your Ex's Heart

Using carbon nanotubes, British scientists have successfully created a shade of black so dark that it absorbs more than 99% of visual light, making it practically invisible to the human eye. Now, if only they could remember where they left it. 


(by Dennis DiClaudio)


Perfectionist.

Watermelon becomes victim in "passive-aggressive" stabbing.

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You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.

A Connecticut woman called the cops on her boyfriend after he "passive aggressively" stabbed a watermelon

Apparently, Carmine Cervellino was angered after the woman took pictures of drugs she found in his toolbox and showed them to the cops. Talk about passive-aggressive, she could have said something to him first.

Then again, he might not be so easy to talk to. When she returned home she found a watermelon sitting on the kitchen countertop with a large knife stabbed into it. That's when Cervillino walked in and wordlessly began slicing the watermelon. You know, the old "I'm going to do to you what I'm doing to this watermelon" trick. This melon threat is infinitely more pleasant if the man is eating it. 

The woman took a picture of the watermelon and knife and took it to the police. According to the Register, Thomason officer Keith Koval wrote in a report that, "the woman said she felt Cervellino was resorting to 'passive aggressive' tactics to 'intimidate her because he is angry at her.'

Cervillno was taken in by the cops but is now out on $500 bond, and his case has been referred to Family Services. 

Hopefully he gets some passive-agressive anger management training before the woman wakes up to find the rinds in her bed.

dGN0Zp on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs

(by Myka Fox)

Brainstorm.

The Internet can't stop staring at the fake girlfriend this man built out of his shower head.

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I always thought of shower heads as boyfriends, but maybe that was sexist of me.

The Internet is like Canada, in that it's a great place for your imaginary girlfriend to live. Usually, this involves using nail polish, makeup and camera angles to give the impression that said girlfriend exists, but "ARuFa" is not your average desperately lonely bachelor. ARuFa, who may be from Japan (judging by my gaijin analysis of the writing on his bathroom products), is the Bob Vila of made-up sex partners, bringing his fake paramour into the real world via DIY creativity. It's as simple as picking the right tools for the job. The tools, in this case, being a drama mask, clay, balloons, a wig, glass eyes, some clothes and an old newspaper. Oh, right, and a healthy dose of delusion. 


Why am I concerned that she lacks a scrunchy to keep her hair dry?

Check out the full album posted on imgur by user tyblazitar of ARuFa building, bathing, and eating with his lovely partner:

(by Johnny McNulty)

21 MORE Brutally Honest Wikipedia Entries

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While traditional Wikipedia is an excellent tool for pretending you know something and didn't just look it up on Wikipedia, it can also be tremendously longwinded and boring. That's where TL;DR Wikipedia (or Too Long; Didn't Read Wikipedia if you're our dad) comes in. Created by someecards' own Jason Mustian and Jake Currie, TL;DR Wikipedia aims to be your #1 source for fact-esque information in as few words as possible. So get your pseudo-learn on!





















Originally posted April 25, 2014:

See more @ TL;DR Wikipedia

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