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Real news: Donald Trump strong-armed Chris Christie into ordering meatloaf.

February 17, 2017, 6:43 am
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Chris Christie's been swallowing anything Donald Trump serves him for months, so are you really surprised that the president told Chris Christie to eat the meatloaf, and Chris Christie ate the meatloaf?

This is not a metaphor.

"I'm telling you the meatloaf is fabulous," said Donald Trump, according to the Republican governor of New Jersey himself. The strong endorsement of the White House meatloaf was a formality. Christie had no choice in the matter.

"This is what it's like to be with Trump," said Christie.

But it seems like everyone else got to order as they pleased. It was only the scandal-laden governor—passed over for an administration job after months of sucking up—who must eat as he's told.

"He says, 'There's the menu, you guys order whatever you want.' And then he says, 'Chris, you and I are going to have the meatloaf.'"

The two were lunching to discuss the nation's opioid epidemic, according to CBS News. Christie shared the anecdote while "guest hosting a New York sports talk radio show."

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Jimmy Fallon asked Twitter what weird things they've been caught doing. Here are the most hilarious responses.

February 17, 2017, 6:47 am
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Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers to confess the weirdest things they have ever been caught doing using the #IGotCaught hashtag, and he read the good, the bad, and the supremely embarrassing on The Tonight Showon Thursday. If being caught doing something weird is humiliating, having Fallon thousands of people is mortifying.

I don't know if I should laugh or cry into a mirror.

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Woman tries to cook duck for the first time, gets scarred for life instead.

February 17, 2017, 7:08 am
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21-year-old Tiarra Duncan recently decided to cook an orange ginger braised duck for dinner. (Far more ambitious than the dinners I cooked when I was 21, which were mostly Annie's mac & cheese.)

So, as one does, Duncan went out to a market and bought a duck. Everything was working out fine until she actually unwrapped the meat and found herself in a sea of horrors.

Yep. That thing still has a face on it.

This is my nightmare.

“I was expecting it to look like how a whole chicken or turkey does when you buy it,” Duncan told Buzzfeed News. “No head, no feet.”

Oh, how wrong she was.

Of course, the internet took it upon itself to turn Duncan's horrifying duck monster into a meme.

Duncan says that she did eventually end up cooking the duck, though she let someone else do the butchering.

Here's hoping she hasn't been scarred for life.

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I hate when my job distracts me from reading Facebook.

February 17, 2017, 7:30 am
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These babies babbling to each other on FaceTime is the cutest thing you'll see all day.

February 17, 2017, 8:25 am
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All right, get ready for serious cuteness overload. Even if you don't particularly like babies and are, say, more a pet person, I swear you will smile at this. These lil' tots are SO excited to be gabbing to each other on the phone, they can't even form real words. Just kidding, they can't do that because they're babies. But that doesn't stop them from having the the time of their (admittedly short) lives babbling to each other.

Thoughts on this:

The dog on the couch is wonderful.

These babies are goddamn cute.

If you say "babbling babies" out loud, you can't help but notice how much it sounds like "battling babies," which is a hilarious visual, especially if it were a rap battle.

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Tom Hiddleston reveals that he peed on one of his 'Night Manager' co-stars.

February 17, 2017, 8:27 am
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On this week's episode of The Graham Norton Show, Tom Hiddleston revealed that he once peed on his Night Manager co-star Tom Hollander.

Hiddleston recalled that Hollander was stung by a jellyfish and asked his co-star to pee on the sting to relieve the pain. (Yes, just like that episode of Friends.)

“Tom got stung by a jellyfish and he shouted across the beach, ‘I say old sport could you come and pee on me?’," Hiddleston told Norton. "And I engagingly obliged. I’ve since read up on it and I don’t think it works. It’s an old wives’ tale.”

I must say, that is the most endearingly British request for a friend to urinate on another friend I've ever heard.

And as it turns out, Tom Hiddleston, much like Joey Tribianni, is a great and loyal friend.

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You'll never guess who Nicole Kidman was once secretly engaged to.

February 17, 2017, 8:46 am
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Somewhere between getting divorced from Tom Cruise and getting married to Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman was secretly engaged to another A-list celebrity. Here's three hints. 1) He is a musician. 2) He loves giant scarves. 3) At 52-years-old, he is still sexy as hell.

Yep. Nicole Kidman was engaged to Lenny Kravitz.

OH OKAY, casual.

In an interview with The Edit, Kidman said that she already knew her Big Little Lies costar Zoë Kravitz because "I was engaged to her father."

Way to drop a bomb.

Kidman and Kravitz dated briefly back in 2003, and though rumors circulated that Kravitz put a ring on it at the time, it was never officially confirmed. Kidman went on to marry country singer Keith Urban in 2006, and the couple is still together today.

Despite the broken engagement over a decade ago, there is no bad blood between the exes. In her interview with The Edit, Kidman even said "I love Lenny; he’s a great guy." Back in 2013, Keith Urban, Lenny Kravtiz and Nicole Kidman all locked arms for a picture together backstage at the CMT awards.

Is this awkward? It might be awkward.

Brb, going through the Lenny Kravitz discography to guess which songs were written about Nicole Kidman.

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Model poses for romantic/suicidal photo shoot on a skyscraper with no safety equipment.

February 17, 2017, 8:48 am
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All the haters who say modeling isn't a tough job should take notice of Russian model Viktoria Odintcova. In a recent photo shoot, she went above and beyond to get some amazing pictures and video. And by "above and beyond," we mean she literally almost died.

Seeing an image like this out of context, you might assume it was photoshopped, or at least that she was wearing some sort of harness. You would be so wrong. To get the shots, Odintcova and her team traveled to Dubai, where they somehow got access to the roof of the 1,008-foot Cayan Tower. There, wearing short shorts and sneakers, she dangled off the side with nothing but a handhold to support her.

But for all that risk, she got some amazing footage. It's simultaneously romantic, sexy, beautiful, and nerve-wracking. So the danger was worth it… right?

Full video (link in bio)! @a_mavrin #MAVRINmodels #MAVRIN #VikiOdintcova #Dubai

A post shared by Viki Odintcova (@viki_odintcova) on

No! This was a terrible idea. Nobody should ever have done this! She has the rest of her life ahead of her. At least, that was the opinion of many of her 3.2 million Instagram followers.

But that didn't stop them from watching the full video over and over. And it won't stop you either, will it?

Now, to help you relax, here are some pictures of Ms. Odintcova being less insane.

Current mood👻 #vikiodintcova #MAVRIN #MAVRINmodels

A post shared by Viki Odintcova (@viki_odintcova) on

Shot by @mavrinstudios. Sochi,Russia #MAVRIN #MAVRINmodels #VikiOdintcova

A post shared by Viki Odintcova (@viki_odintcova) on

Nope, it's not working. I'm still just worried about her.

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Three-day weekends are a great opportunity to cancel even more plans than usual.

February 17, 2017, 9:30 am
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The foreign language translations of the next 'Star Wars' movie's title reveal a huge hint.

February 17, 2017, 9:43 am
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Speculative spoilers below. Don't read if you're worried you'll get speculatively angry.

Star Wars fans still have to wait until December 15 to see the franchise's next installment, The Last Jedi. But despite Disney's total crackdown on spoilers, the hype train shows no signs of slowing down. Nerds are latching onto any hint they possibly can to figure out what might happen in Episode VIII, and now they've got a big one.

After the title of The Last Jedi was announced in January, fans immediately started speculating. Who is the last Jedi? Luke? Rey? That buttface guy from A New Hope?

Until now, there was no clue. But on Friday, Star Wars Twitter accounts in other languages shared the official translations of The Last Jedi for the first time. And due to the "Force" of linguistics, we now have some very interesting information about what it really means.

Any Spanish speakers out there will already have noticed it. (And to all our Spanish-speaking readers, hola!) The title The Last Jedi is actually PLURAL. As in, there is more than one last Jedi. We just never noticed it in English, because the plural of "Jedi" is "Jedi." (Way to mess with us, Lucas.)

Fan immediately started freaking out.

And it's not just in Spanish. Fans who speak other languages that pluralize definite articles confirmed it.

This should come as a relief to all the geeks who worried that the title implied Luke was going to die. He still could definitely die, but some of the pressure is off.

If anything, this revelation only raises further questions. Are Luke and Rey the last Jedi, or has Luke secretly been training a whole academy of recruits to fight alongside them? Or is there another group of Jedi hidden somewhere in the galaxy, waiting to make their presence known? Could it be…

Yes, we figured it out. The Ewoks are all Jedi. You're welcome.

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If you think I’m only f@ck!ng you because Michael Bolton said to make a baby tonight, you’re right.

February 17, 2017, 10:00 am
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Take one guess why Trump's staff photo is pissing people off.

February 17, 2017, 10:23 am
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People are noticing something very disturbing about the staff photo Trump tweeted from the @POTUS account yesterday.

Can you see it?

It's only white people, which is obvious to anyone who wasn't just blinded by all of them.

"That's a lot of white people..."

And it isn't just a curiosity. After eight years of having Obama in the white house, people are mad at the regression.

"Shame on you."

This photo, coupled with his message "#MAGA," really ties together the idea that Trump believes America will only be great again when it goes back to a time when only white men were in charge. Because, yeah, it's not just only white, there is also only one token women in that oval office to represent our half-female population.

"#MakeAmericaWhiteOldMenAgain"

Of course, there will always be someone out there to defend Trump. One idiot man even tried to argue that the presence of one woman had significance.

"There's a woman in that picture though."

But mostly, people were angry, and because it's such a wonderful time to be alive, some of our proud Americans were able to fix that photo.

"Fixed."

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Savage mom figures out brilliant way to get her teenage son to take out the trash.

February 17, 2017, 10:25 am
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No one is messier than a teenage boy, and this proves it.

After 18-year-old Westminster College student Connor Cox left trash all over the floor of his bedroom while home for winter break, his mother simply didn't resign herself to cleaning up after him. Instead, Cox's mother Terri came up with a genius prank that pretty much ensures that her son will never make the mistake of being a slob in her home ever again.

Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned.

According to BuzzFeed, Terri packaged up all of Connor's discarded food wrappers, crumpled up papers and old tissues (apparently there were a ton of those, and I'll let your imagine run wild with that information) and mailed them from her home in Maryland to her son's school in Pennsylvania. Connor assumed that his mother had sent him a care package, but quickly realized that box was filled with the trash he was supposed to take out.

Connor confessed that the trash in the box was only a portion of the mess, and he also hid garbage in his drawers. Ew, dude.

“I have raised and taught Connor better than this, and his actions deserve consequences — even if they are humorous,” Terri told BuzzFeed.

Savage, Terri. Savage and completely awesome.

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This girl's brother passed her a note at dinner that, once you see it, you can never unsee it.

February 17, 2017, 10:51 am
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Little brothers can be lovely. Sometimes they're there for you when you didn't know you needed them. And other times, like last night when reddit user GameIsStrong received a note from her little brother at dinner, they're just... weirdos.

"My brother passed me a note in the middle of dinner."

Do you see it?

It's kinda hard to see both. Maybe this will help:

Cat

Obviously.

Bird

Let's call that thing at the bottom his "feet."

Once you see it, you can never unsee it.

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Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are done for real.

February 17, 2017, 11:18 am
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Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, both 44, are getting divorced for real, according to Us Weekly. The couple announced their split almost two years ago, but Jennifer Garner officially filed for divorce on Friday. Sorry, Bennifer fans (meaning Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, not Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, the original Bennifer. Technically there's still hope for those two, I guess?).

People get divorced all the time, but it's always sadder when there are children involved, and in this case, there are three—Violet, 11, Seraphina, 8, and Samuel, 4.

Affleck and Garner got married in 2005, after meeting in 2001 (on the set of Pearl Harbor) and falling in love in 2003 (while making Daredevil). Then announced their split in June 2015, but they didn't move ahead with the divorce until now. For awhile it seemed like maybe they'd get back together, but apparently that's not the case.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner will continue to co-parent their children, though. A source close to the family told Us Weekly, "No matter what happens, Ben and Jen are committed to raising their family as one unit and will continue to do so as it has worked for them. They are both committed to their family."

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Sorry your next holiday off is Memorial Day.

February 17, 2017, 11:30 am
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Husband surprises wife with over-the-top DIY Valentine's Day gift that no one can ever top.

February 17, 2017, 12:00 pm
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Here's a guy who didn't have any apologizing to do on Valentine's Day this year. Jason Brinley of Florence, Alabama wanted to tell his wife, Jennifer Brinley, how much he loves her. And apparently cards, flowers or jewelry weren't enough to get that message across. So instead, he decorated every inch of their bedroom walls with 7,000 post-it notes, listing all the memories they've shared and all the reasons he loves her.

MEN, TAKE NOTE (haha get it?).

He also organized the sticky notes into an 8-bit-style design to make the room look straight out of an old-school Mario video game.

When Jennifer came home from work on Tuesday, this is what she found:

He's just THAT into you.

And here's a close up of some of the messages:

"I love that you understand, and become excited when reading, statistics."

Luckily, Jennifer was in to the over-the-top gesture (this isn't the kind of gift you can secretly return for store credit). “I absolutely couldn’t believe it!" she told The Huffington Post."It was crazy. I knew he was doing something that was taking a lot of prep work, but I had no idea it was that. The best thing I could think of was that he was making me a board game. This goes so much further than that!”

She didn't explicitly say "I loved it!" but she also didn't say "OMG HELP ME," so that's a good sign.

This guy clearly wins Husband-of-the-Year. But also, I happen to know from experience that once you give an over-the-top gift like this, every holiday after that is a nightmare trying to top it. Good luck, Jason!

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Why is this guy eating a photo of Jason Segel?

February 17, 2017, 12:03 pm
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A Canadian man by the name of Noah Maloney has vowed to eat a photo of How I Met Your Mother star Jason Segel every day until he gets the actor to eat a photo of him.

Maloney has not yet provided any insight as to why he wants Jason Segel to eat a photo of his face, but we're sure he has a good reason.

Maloney posted his first video on Thursday. He then tweeted at the actor, letting him know of his plan.

Jason Segel has yet to respond. (We can't possibly imagine why.)

You can follow all of Maloney's Segel-eating adventures at #EatMyFaceSegel.

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Woman pulls extremely ill-advised 'exploding boob' prank on tattoo artist.

February 17, 2017, 12:07 pm
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In a new viral video that's blowing up around the world, a young woman used some inflatable breasts to prank the living sh*t out of a hapless tattoo artist. And as you might imagine, he didn't take it well.

It's not hard to see why this video is so popular. Let's break it down.

1.) She's sexy.
2.) Boobs are involved.
3.) The prank is insane and self-destructive. The guy was in the middle of tattooing her arm! What does that tattoo even look like now? Probably something like this:

Although information on this video is sketchy, most sources agree that this took place at Brite Tattoo Shop in Pattaya, Thailand. And while some reports claimed that these people are strangers, more have stated that the woman in the video is actually the tattoo artist's girlfriend, which would throw the whole "prank" aspect into question.

Apparently, the woman, a 25-year-old named Mint, agreed to take part in the video to raise awareness of the shop as a favor to her boyfriend Feist, who is tattooing her in the video. So either his surprise is totally fake, or he was just legitimately terrified by the sound of a balloon popping that close to his face. Considering that he was sticking a vibrating needle into his girlfriend's arm at the time, that would make sense.

But in the end, does it matter? Viral videos are like jokes—if you deconstruct them too much, you kill the magic. Even if that magic is exploding boobs.

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Let's celebrate Presidents Day with the reckless abandon of a local appliance store.

February 17, 2017, 12:30 pm
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