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The only math I'm interested in this Pi Day is how many hours are left before I can start drinking.


Watch Dr. Pimple Popper drain cheese curds from an inflamed cyst.

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For your viewing pleasure (and for this guy's health), Dr. Pimple Popper tended to an inflamed cyst with needles, tender love and care. Any popaholic loved the power of a simple pop, but this one is a satisfying slow ooze, an incision and drainage that leads to a medley of contents.

This Canadian can't help but see poutine, with blood as gravy, cyst goo as cheese curds and flesh as fries.

This may or may not ruin poutine for you.

(Hot take: It's not that good anyway.)

Bodybuilder fat-shames a woman's 'love handles' at the gym and people are furious.

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Bodybuilder Diana Andrews posted an Instagram of a woman on a treadmill at the gym, and wrote in the words "love handles" underneath her, according to Elite Daily. Then she posted a second picture with the words, "I bet she's ordering [burger emojis] for delivery." The bodybuilder put the picture and her fat-shaming judgment on view for all her 17,000 followers. Just cruel.

Working out at the gym can be stressful, because you and your body are on view to everyone and anyone at the gym, and we don't all have the perfect bodies that bodybuilders do. You might tell yourself no one is mocking or fat-shaming you, but then things like this happen.

You would think that even if a person was spiteful enough to want to body-shame a random stranger at the gym, they'd remember the cautionary tale of Dani Mathers, the Playboy model who is now facing possible jail time after Snapchatting an older woman showering in the locker room. Where was Diana Andrews for all that? Because this is basically the same thing, only this woman was fortunate enough not to be nude when the bodybuilder snapped her.

Just like Mathers, Diana Andrews issued a flimsy apology on her Instagram account, which is now private. But screenshots of her post had already begun to make the rounds on social media, and the backlash had started.

Diana Andrews then posted a longer apology on Facebook.

It reads:

I want to explain my self for what I have done Tuesday evening after my training session. I saw this girl walking on the treadmill, talking on her phone, and I made a video and added a comment that she's probably ordering take away. The whole point of this video was that she's using her phone while on the treadmill. The whole story was turned upside down by taking a screenshot and adding comments that I'm body shaming this woman. I would never do this, it's not who I am. I'm always encouraging people to do their best and push themselves. I'm here to motivate, especially women, not to be afraid and get that work done. People that know me know I'm not a bully. . . I deeply regret that I took that video.

Speaking to the Huffington Post, Emmy Gilmour of the Recovery Clinic, which helps people with eating disorders, said:

This is a really tragic example of a how society has conditioned women to judge and compare one another. We’re living in an era where it’s normal to tell women that they’re inadequate, and that they must apologise for how they look.

The solidarity between women is breaking down, when really, we should be supporting one another no matter the shape, size or weight.

Diana Andrews actually might regret posting the video, but it seems more likely that's due to the backlash than really caring about other people's feelings.

Obama's White House photographer posts his latest, greatest Trump troll on Instagram.

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Pete Souza, former White House photographer for President Obama, has spent the better part of the last few months trolling Donald Trump on Instagram. His posts, perfectly timed to the hot-button Trump disaster of the day, have been unmistakable.

For example, when the Muslim ban rolled out, Souza posted:

Talking with a young refugee at a Dignity for Children Foundation classroom in 2015.

A post shared by Pete Souza (@petesouza) on

Or when Trump reportedly got in a fight with the Prime Minister of Australia, for god's sake:

Well, another day another dollar, and the latest Trump mistake comes courtesy of his beleaguered top advisor, the always creative Kellyanne Conway. You may have heard her latest comments, suggesting that Obama spied on Trump through a microwave while trying to defend her boss's ludicrous "wiretapping" comments.

Pete Souza heard. So Pete Souza shared this image:

Someone has been photoshopping one of my photos. For the record, it wasn't me.

A post shared by Pete Souza (@petesouza) on

He included the disclaimer that "someone has been photoshopping one of my photos" and "for the record, it wasn't me." Okay, Pete Souza, but we'll let you enjoy those 70,000 likes on the photo anyway. Looking forward to your next troll.

Here's a bonus, and this time Souza doesn't deflect the shade to an anonymous photoshopper:

Glad he only tweeted out facts with his device.

A post shared by Pete Souza (@petesouza) on

"Glad he only tweeted out facts with this device."

The entire internet is terrified by this inexplicable footage of a 'haunted' door.

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A truly disturbing new video from Brazil is currently going viral with the people of Reddit. (They love being scared.) It was posted Tuesday morning with the title "Creepy cam footage of forcefully slamming door at Brazilian morgue."

I knew fire extinguisher ghosts were real!

The pacing and cinematography of this video are so perfectly scary, it's tempting to think this is fake. Why do the lights go out at precisely the right moment? But as of right now, all signs point to this video being genuine—with one major caveat.

The description of the YouTube video (and this tweet, which went viral on Portuguese-language Twitter) identify it as taking place in the morgue of the Legal Medical Institute in Cuiabá, Brazil. But internet sleuths have discovered that this is not true. It wasn't even at a morgue. Here's a Brazilian news crew investigating the actual location of the clip.

The video was actually recorded by caretakers at the Center for Comprehensive Care for Children and Adolescents in Araucária, Paraná (also Brazil). That agency has confirmed this, and is launching an investigation into the video and any ghouls who may or may not be involved.

If you're rolling your eyes right now and thinking that the people of Brazil are just superstitious, you're right. Their president, Michel Temer, just moved out of his official residence because of "ghosts."

That being said, this video is real. Ghosts are out there and they want your soul.

Happy Pi Day to someone who doesn't seem nearly as interested in math when we're dividing up the lunch bill.

J.K. Rowling challenged her fans to guess the title of her next book. One actually got it.

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Author and Twitter champion J.K. Rowling sent fans on a wild goose chase on Tuesday to guess the title of her upcoming novel.

It all started when one fan asked Rowling if she could give a hint as to what the next Strike novel would be called. (Referring to Cormoran Strike, the main character in the series of crime novels Rowling wrote under the psuedonym Robert Galbraith.)

Rowling responded with a Wheel Of Fortune-style puzzle.

This sparked a frenzied guessing game among fans trying to figure out what the title of the book is.

Even J.K. Rowling was a fan of that last slew of guesses.

Some fans remained stumped, and asked Rowling for some additional clues.

No vowels were permitted, however. And so, the guesses continued.

Eventually, fans started getting closer to the book's actual title.

And finally, someone got it.

Apparently Rowling's next novel will be titled Lethal White. The winning guesser will be rewarded with a copy of the book signed by J.K. Rowling herself.

Well, this has been a fun snow day distraction. Now it's back to work. (For us and for J.K. Rowling.)

Man uses leftover Halloween decorations to make his Amazon Echo even creepier.

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The Amazon Echo, also known as Alexa, is the smart speaker whose disembodied robo-voice has been freaking people out ever since it was first introduced. Recently, people have also been uploading bizarre videos of the device randomly shutting off after asking if it was connected to the CIA, adding a layer of paranoia on top of those preexisting heebie jeebies. Now a man named Mike McGurrin decided to make his Amazon Echo even creepier by attaching a skull with a moveable jaw to the speaker.

EEK!

McGurrin dubbed the DIY gadget makeover "Project Yorick," presumably after the skull of the exhumed court jester from Hamlet. The skull is wired to move as Alexa speaks, making the device look like something straight out of Tales from the Crypt.

You can hack your Amazon Echo by following the steps McGurrin outlined on hackster.io...if you dare! Mwahaha!


Twitter serves up a hot slice of Pi Day jokes.

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March 14th is Pi Day, the glorious festival on which pie puns and math jokes are served in equal parts.

http://www.someecards.com/pi-day-cards/irrational-constant-pi-day-math-funny-ecard

Unlike pi, there is a lot of repetition. But, like pi, the tweets are never-ending (hehe), here are the best ones.

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The only snow angel in this snowstorm is the person delivering my food.

Incredulous parents read their daughters' Tinder messages aloud in cringe-inducing video.

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Okay, I have been on Tinder and I know it is a place you don't want your parents to ever see or even know about. But in a new Buzzfeed video, some fearless souls turned over their Tinder messages to their parents to read out loud. And yeah, it got awkward.

One woman had the decency to warn her dad: "I'm sorry, but you're about to enter a world of hurt." And a few of these parents look so miserable you can't not laugh, err, I mean empathize.

Maybe the worst day of her life.

This is not one of the tame dating sites like Match or OkCupidthis is TINDER. So the messages are particularly R-rated (and creative). Like this gem which one daughter read out loud to her mom: "Do you like dragons? Because I'll be dragon my [bleep!] across your face." (At least someone is using their English degree!)

And then there are those odd "compliments" you tend to stumble upon on dating sites, like this one:

Uhhhh, thank you?

You can watch the video here:

This is basically my worst nightmare. But I also love watching these incredulous parents try to grapple with the frenzied, highly-sexualized reality that is modern dating. They got to have awkward meet-cutes in parks and carriage rides and drive-in movies. And we get "i'll be dragon my [bleep!] across your face"???

Get your shit together, dudes of Tinder.

Kellyanne Conway has a framed picture of herself in her house and Twitter can't stop laughing.

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An interview with professional content-maker Kellyanne Conway published on March 12 in the The Recordincluded a picture of the mom-of-four with her kids. That, in and of itself, is not so interesting. But in the background, Twitter user Franklin Leonard spotted a framed glamour shot of Kellyanne Conway that she apparently keeps in her house.

You might have missed the photo because this was the interview where Conway explained that she thought microwaves were used to spy on people.

The framed photograph is a pretty standard dramatic glamour shot, like the ones teens get done at the mall. Or by a really great surveillance microwave.

The photo features Kellyanne Conway in a black fur hood, the kind you might wear if you were the evil step-mother in a fairy tale. A cloak of a thousand kittens.

Some people saw a similarity to Parks and Rec's gossipy morning show host, Joan Callamezzo.

And then there's Katniss Everdeen.

But you know what? We should all have glam shots of ourselves in our home. Maybe not as dark lords, but still.

I love my phone until someone calls me on it.

'Fox & Friends' accuses newspapers of 'anti-Trump rhetoric' for saying journalism matters.

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Multiple newspapers have been accused by Fox News of bias for sending the message that journalism is a good thing. Fox & Friends slammed newspapers on Tuesday for selling T-shirts with pro-journalism sentiments that the program claims are "anti-Trump rhetoric."

The T-shirts don't mention the president at all, and yet, according to this Fox & Friends host, they're an example of "media bias on full display." The host says:

Newspapers now cashing in on t-shirts splashed with anti-President Trump rhetoric. The Washington Post offering this shirt which says 'Democracy Dies in Darkness,' The L.A. Times selling shirts that say 'Journalism Matters,' and the Chicago Tribune's feature 'Speaking truth to power since 1847.'

Seems more like "pro-First Amendment" than "anti-Trump" rhetoric to me, but what do I know? I've spent so much time in my safe space, I can't even read hidden messages in T-shirts anymore. WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

This reporter falling asleep during Sean Spicer's press briefing is all of us.

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Reporters are working really hard these days, much to Trump's chagrin. Because democracy dies in darkness, journalists are working overtime trying to make sense of WTF is happening in the Trump White House, as the 24 hours cycle keeps cycling at all times.

Newsmax's John Gizzi caught some much-needed shut-eye when he could get it, which happens to have Tuesday's White House press briefing with Press Secretary/Easter BunnySean Spicer.

Keeping up with Sean Spicer's lies is exhausting.

Now, with commentary:

"REM sleep engaged!"

John Gizzi's big nap came a day after the Twittersphere became obsessed with him as he became a real-life "Deal with it" meme.

For comparison, a Legolas meme version:

The eminently memeable Gizzi denies that he fell asleep on Tuesday, but Twitter isn't buying it.

Sweet dreams, Mr. Gizzi. It happens to everyone.


GOP Congressman Joe Barton to concerned citizen at a town hall: 'Shut up.'

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Over the weekend, a Republican congressman held a town hall—a scary proposition for Republicans these days—for his constituents in Texas, according to Dallas News. At one point, a man pointed out Rep. Joe Barton's shoddy voting record on protecting women from violence.

For background, Joe Barton voted against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act in 2013. So Joe Barton's constituent wanted a promise that his congressman would work with Congresswoman Jackie Speier—presumably to pass her bill that would "require transcript notation for students who violate [their] school's policy concerning sexual assault."

But if you've been watching the news lately, you know what happened next. Town halls don't make the news for their well-crafted signage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=D74AsDIZDDU

"That's a true statement," said Joe Barton, regarding his voting record. "I voted against it because I think that's a state issue, not a federal issue."

The crowd reacted with a smattering of applause and boos, but for now Joe Barton still had his supporters. Then a man raised his voice and said, "It's violence against women—that's a national issue!"

At this, Joe Barton lost his cool. "You!" he said, pointing. "You, sir, shut up." A stunned silence followed, and then nearly unanimous shouting. "What is this?" yelled one attendee. "You don't tell anyone to shut up! You work for us!"

The clip has made its way across social media, where Rep. Joe Barton's facing similar scorn.

Here's Joe Barton's response to the controversy, via a statement to the Huffington Post:

"All town halls begin with ground rules, which include that you must be recognized in order to speak,” Barton said. “These are unscripted live meetings. Over the weekend in Frost, one gentlemen continued to speak over myself and many others who were seeking recognition in orderly fashion. I did, however, return to him for the last question of the meeting and allow him the opportunity to voice his concerns.”

I miss you more than I miss my phone when it's charging across the room.

Jilted man posts hilariously bitter ad for engagement ring worn by "Satan herself."

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Craig Holden of Newport, Wales recently split up with his wife after ten years together. Trying to put his life back together, the 28-year-old scientist decided to go online and sell the diamond engagement ring she had returned to him. But because he was still filled with burning rage and resentment, he decided to have some fun with the listing. That ad, which he posted on the U.K. classified site Gumtree, has since gone viral.

Satan has good taste.

Here's his full description:

As a simple, quiet, reserved and generous gentleman I began courting a young lady (who would then spawn into Satan, through witchcraft or voodoo - who knew?) who I then regrettably proposed to after seeing her for 3 years, everything was fine, we were young everything was fine, then it began, the rage, it boiled, her eyes glazed over and her head span 360 degrees on a daily basis and she spewed venomous insults toward my aching heart.

I, suffering with anxiety thought it was I that was the problem, oh no. What was the real problem was the possession of the Well Devil, a devil that dwelled in the depths of, well, wells.... self explanatory. Fast forward to the ten year mark, one day Satan awoke from its slumber and said "listen here, mere mortal... I *SATAN* (can't use her real name for legal reasons) don't like you" in a nutshell, so as I was about to unleash a torrent of truth upon the vile beast, Jesus appeared to me and said "listen here child, you must leave, you must go forth and become at one with your inner self. Become happy, I died for your sins, so go sinning bro!!" So, I packed my bags and left.

The end - and now I'm happy.

Serious offers only, ring is size fat and it's 1/4 carat, gold and selling as the ring, not for the gold.

Disclaimer - although worn by Satan herself it does not possess any magical powers or any black magic. Cannot guarantee it's 100% safe to be worn by those of faith.

Although Holden paid £1,000 for the ring, he marked it down to a very reasonable £200 (later £150) on his listing, because he understood that the unhappy history might be a deterrent. He told The Sun,

As a warning to a potential buyer, I figured I’d give a backstory as buying a second hand engagement ring could be see as bad luck to many. It’s almost like buying a haunted doll.

Still, I'm sure that he'll find a buyer. As of press time, his listing has only been live for five days. And there are plenty of guys out there who are willing to overlook a little Satan to save £800 ($970) on a ring. Whoever buys it will just have to make sure his fiancée doesn't find out the truth. Or else he might have to deal with a demon of his own.

Family from viral BBC news video finally speak out: 'it was a comedy of errors.'

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The BBC correspondent whose news interview has become the stuff of legends has given his first interview since becoming a viral sensation after his kids crashed his live on-air interview last week.

College professor Robert Kelly and his wife Kim Jung-A, who live in Busan, South Korea, spoke to the Wall Street Journalabout what exactly went down that day.

Basically, the father-of-two had forgotten to lock the door to his office that evening, as he usually does while giving an interview. To add to the absurdity of the situation, he was on air to discuss a serious matter: the impeachment of South Korea’s president. Welp, so much for that!

"It was a comedy of errors," said Kelly.

By now you've most definitely seen the video, or else, like me, you've watched it at least 12 times because it never stops being funny. But ICYMI, here you go:

Kelly explained that his 4-year-old daughter, Marion—whose bright yellow shirt and glorious swagger will remain forever #GOALS—had celebrated her birthday that day at school. “She was in a hippity-hoppity mood that day because of the school party,” he told WSJ.

That does explain a lot.

Kelly kept things cool throughout the interruption, using his hand to gently push his daughter away from the camera. But just when you thought that disaster had been averted, Kelly's younger son, James, glided into the room.

“Then I knew it was over,” Kelly recalls.

Apparently Kim Jung-A was watching her husband on TV, but due to a delay, didn't realize her kids had interrupted the interview until after a few seconds. That's when she darted into the room to quickly grab both kids and then returned to snake her arm into the room to close the door, an Olympic-level display of aerobatics.

“We said to each other, ‘Wow, what just happened?’ ” Mr. Kelly said, adding that he takes full blame for not locking the door. Good man.

The whole family also did a televised interview and it's clear these kids—and especially Marisol—were destined for fame.

Seems like both parents have a good attitude about the whole thing. "I mean it was terribly cute," said Kelly when asked about his overall reaction. "I saw the video like everybody else. My wife did a great job cleaning up a really unanticipated situation as best she possibly could... It was funny. If you watch the tape I was sort of struggling to keep my own laughs down. They’re little kids and that’s how things are."

This whole family is #goals. But especially Marisol.

Happy National Potato Chip Day to the crumbs in my bra.

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