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Happy Ides of March to someone I'd stab if they poured themselves a bigger glass of wine than mine.


Looking forward to holding your hair back when you get sick from drinking green beer.

Beware having to read Shakespeare in order to understand the Ides of March.

Wine helps me relax after the ordeal of choosing a wine.

Sorry I called you without first warning you by text.

I'm sorry the winter lasted so long that your booty call turned into a relationship.

The hardest I work is trying to remember my passwords.

Drinking nothing but wine is my juice cleanse.


I'd really like to go out with the Throwback Thursday version of you.

I'd rather leave my house during the apocalypse than during St. Patrick's Day.

Thank you for trusting me enough to never change your passwords.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to someone who finally has a reasonable explanation for being drunk at work on a Friday.

I'd celebrate St. Patrick's Day if they made green wine.

St. Patrick's Day Regrets

My getting hideously drunk on a Friday afternoon has nothing to do with St. Patrick's Day.


Happy Technical First Day of Spring.

If at first you don't succeed find the nearest coworker to blame.

Climbing over filthy mounds of snow to reach the curb is what I call a nature hike.

You miss 100% of the sick days you don't take.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all those people refusing to wear winter clothes once spring begins.

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