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To stay healthy this spring I'm only going to eat the white part of the Cadbury creme eggs.


People are ripping into this photo of the GOP's 'caucus' on women's health care.

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On March 23, President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike Pence met with members of the House Freedom Caucus, a group of GOP congressmen, to discuss the details of their new healthcare bill. Among the many complaints about this bill has been its treatment of women's health—the Freedom Caucus in particular wants to cut a requirement that insurance plans cover essential benefits, including maternity services. Which makes the photos of the meeting especially ironic.

Who better to decide whether pregnant women really need to see a doctor than a room full of old white dudes?

Twitter immediately jumped on this hypocrisy.

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard hilariously document their Broadway date night.

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Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard arguably have the most adorable relationship in Hollywood, and now they've given us another reason to envy them: They got to see Hamilton!

Lucky for us, Bell decided to document "Mommy and Daddy's night out!!!!" via Instagram videos. She took the first one when they got to their seats, waiting for Hamilton to start.

Bell and Shepard showed off their A+ theater snacks. "I've got chocolate-covered blueberries and the cutest man in town," said Bell.

"Where, where?" Shepard joked. "Is Brad Pitt here?"

Obviously, there were no updates while the show was going on, but Kristen Bell did provide a date night update at intermission.

When asked what he thought of the show so far, Dax Shepard joked that he thought it needed "more singing." He also said that his alternate title for Hamilton would be: "Hamiltoe, because of the outfits."

Can these guys document all of their date nights from now on?

Sorry I said bye before I realized we were walking in the same direction.

Twitter is furious at male senator who made a crude 'joke' about female anatomy.

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Well, a bunch of old white men with no uteruses are currently determining the fate of women's health care. But at least they have a "sense of humor" about it! Republican Senator Pat Roberts, from Kansas, made a real wise-cracker yesterday when Talking Points Memo reporter Alice Ollstein asked him if he supports scrapping "essential health benefits," which would require insurers to cover things like mammograms for breast cancer screening.

This was his response:

Twitter did not find his "joke" very funny.

Though some of their responses are hilarious.

Others pointed out that the "joke" was not only insensitive but ignorant. Because men can get breast cancer, too.

After the backlash, Roberts apologized in a statement, CNN reports. He said:

I deeply regret my comments on such an important topic. I know several individuals whose lives have been saved by mammograms, and I recognize how essential they are to women's health. I never intended to indicate otherwise, and I apologize for my comments.

The Senator also tweeted this:

And it didn't take long for someone to point out the irony.

Ok, Senator Roberts. I'll forgive you (maybe) when you stop trying to take away lifesaving health coverage for women.

To be fair, maybe comedy is just not GOP politicians' strong point. Also not their strong point? Politics, IMHO.

Police officer returns call from phone scammer who pretended to be IRS—just to make him sweat.

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Have you done your taxes yet? Yeah, me neither. So I think we both have some idea of how nerve-wracked the general American populace is in the final weeks leading up to April 15. Most of us are just waiting for some last-minute proof that President Trump hasn't paid the IRS a dime in the past ten years, so that we can righteously claim we're, uh, "protesting" when we fail to file on time.

Anyway, this culture of anxiety and fear is something phone scammers love to exploit, which is why around this time of year you might get a suspicious-sounding call from someone threatening you with arrest for fraud and demanding your personal information. This scheme sometimes works and often doesn't, but the one time it's sure to go badly is when you accidentally call a cop like Officer Roder of the Eau Claire Police Department, who took the time to call back and politely interrogate the guy on the other end. Although we only get his increasingly panicked voice, you can practically hear him sweat through it all.

Officer Roder received an urgent phone call from the IRS on his cell phone this morning. He was told he was going to be arrested if he did not call back right away! So... we called them back. Officer Roder used his interrogation skills to scam the scammer. See what happened! (He is a trained professional -- do not try this at home.)

Posted by Eau Claire Police Department on Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The best part, aside from the dude giving two different fake names, is that as the clip went viral, everyone else shared their own stupid phone scammer story.

Does anybody really fall for this kind of thing? I guess a sucker is born every minute. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to wire some money to this Nigerian Prince who just emailed me about legal troubles with his $43 million inheritance.

Inventive dad engineers the most impressive gender reveal ever.

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People love celebrating their unborn child's genitals with extravagant gender reveals, and this one might just take the blue and pink cake. First, there was the fireworks gender reveal. Then there was the hair dye gender reveal. But all pale in comparison to this super impressive and very complex Rube Goldberg Machine gender reveal.

Check it out!

The Rube Goldberg machine was built by Taylor Calmus of the Dude Dad Vlog to reveal the gender of his second child with his wife Heidi. According to The Huffington Post, the multi-story contraption took Calmus three days and "a lot of duck tape" to make.

Now he just has to build a machine that feeds the baby.

Calmus was inspired to go through with the over-the-top gender reveal after a doctor accidently ruined the surprise of their son's sex during Heidi's first pregnancy.

"When my wife, [Heidi], was pregnant with our son, Theo, we weren’t going to find out the gender until he was born," Calmus told The Huffington Post. "But the doctor slipped up and told us two weeks before he was born and ruined the surprise. So this time when she got pregnant I was like, 'No way are we waiting again!' But anyone that watches our vlog knows I like to go all out!"

So if you are thinking of running to the bakery to buy some pink and blue cupcakes, STEP IT UP. Or, you know, just chill out, because gender is just a construct anyway.

When you do laundry


Someone posted a chart to prove that a family making $500K is just 'scraping by.' Twitter lost it.

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How much money would you have to make for it feel like you weren't just scraping by? Would about half a million dollars a year do it? Well, think again: The economic geniuses running a website with the highly trustworthy name "Financial Samurai" did the math to prove that a family of four living in Manhattan would barely survive on $500K annually. No, really.

Read the (horrible) blog post if you must, but also, you can easily get the gist of its (very bad) argument by looking at the chart that appeared with it.

Don't gaze at it too long, though—it may very well melt your brain.

Yes, $18,000 on three vacations, owning two(!) BMWs in a city where nobody needs a car, nearly ten grand on kids clothes that for some reason doesn't fall under "childcare," an extra $10K to spend on, you know, whatever... where does the hardship end! Won't somebody think of these poor rich people!

Many people compared the absurd breakdown to a classic joke from Weird Twitter's @dril about managing luxury expenses:

And at least one critic drew up his own chart for additional context.

Still, it's all hypothetical. We'll never truly know how hard it is to live in New York on just $500,000 per year. Unless...

Come on, banks. You owe us one.

Watch Ryan Reynolds and Jake Gyllenhaal giggle their way through an interview.

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If the correspondent interviewing Ryan Reynolds and Jake Gyllenhaal in this video hoped to get anything useful or serious out of the interview, he's screwed. If, however, he was hoping to interview two laughing lunatics, he's in luck, but that's just what new BFFs Reynolds and Gyllenhaal turn into about five seconds into the interview.

Ryan Reynolds and Jake Gyllenhaal are officially promoting their new sci-fi movie, Life. Unofficially, they are promoting their bromance, which is on full display here.

Little boy meets dog that has the same skin condition he does and now they're best friends.

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This is Rowdy the black lab. Rowdy has a skin condition called vitiligo, which causes some of his skin to lose its pigmentation. (Hence the adorable white spots around his eyes.)

Recruited as a mascot, this pup is doing what he can to help children with vitiligo fight low self-esteem and depression.

Posted by Upworthy on Monday, September 19, 2016

The interesting thing about vitiligo is that humans can suffer from it, too. It can cause people who have it, especially young kids, to feel self-conscious or even depressed. Rowdy wants to help those kids out.

Thanks to a recent crowdfunding campaign, Rowdy, who lives with his owner in Oregon, was able to meet an 8-year-old boy by the name of Carter, who is from Arkansas and also has vitiligo. The two became instant friends.

Carter's mom, Stephanie Adcock, told local news station KATU that Carter really struggled with his vitiligo before he saw Rowdy's photos online.

"I used to pick up Carter from school from kindergarten and first grade, and the first thing he would say is that he hates his face and hates his skin. I read that Rowdy had vitiligo and I was blown away, and when I showed Carter he was so excited to see a dog that was famous for his vitiligo," she said. Since meeting Rowdy, Carter's mom says her son has made a "complete 180."

The GoFundMe also helped Rowdy meet Ava, a little girl from Ontario, Canada

Though Rowdy still looks like a cute lil' pup, he's actually 14-years-old and starting to have some health problems.

"I feel like he has so much more work to do, but his health is definitely more of a senior dog," Rowdy's owner Niki Umbenhower said. But he seems to be a resilient pup, so we're sure he's got a lot more smiles to put on people's faces.

Woman complains when she finds teeth in taco, meat supplier assures us they're just 'beef lips.'

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Spend any length of time on the internet and you're bound to read tales of disgusting things found in food—bugs, condoms, etc. But somehow, finding teeth is its own special nightmare. What could be weirder than realizing you're chewing on something that some other animal (or person) once used to chew?

Such was the disturbing experience of Courtney Aguilar, who was enjoying some barbacoa tacos at El Rincon Mexican Restaurant in Pflugerville, Texas, when she realized her order came with a rather unusual extra garnish.

Sure does look like a big piece of jawbone, teeth and all. Isn't nature amazing? The restaurant sorta blamed the meat supplier, Laxson, a San Antonio company that in turn defended the grotesque meal to mySA.com, saying that the "teeth" were in fact "beef lips" and nothing to get worked up about.

"We admit cow lips are not the most attractive food item and can resemble teeth," Laxson said. "Unfortunately, it made its way into this customer's dish." El Rincon posted a link explaining the confusion on Facebook, and, by all accounts, barbacoa often includes some random miscellaneous parts of the cow head.

Ultimately, the funniest and creepiest thing about this is the El Rincon's initial response to the customer complaint. If someone asks you whether you just served them food with teeth in it, replying "baby teeth" as if to clarify that said teeth were carefully selected and placed there on purpose is... not the best move.

Anyway, congrats on your newest loyal customer, Chipotle.

No matter how hard I try my cat will always be better than me at yoga.

Trumpcare is dead. Here are the funniest tweets memorializing its short, troubled life.

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On Friday afternoon, House Republicans officially withdrew their bill to repeal the Affordable Care Act. Speaker Paul Ryan made the move at the request of President Donald Trump, after both realized that they would not have the votes necessary to push the bill through the House in today's vote. This marks the first legislative defeat in Trump's presidency—which is unfortunate, because it was also his first attempt to get a piece of legislation passed. Now, sources say there will be no immediate plan to pass any version of Trumpcare. Paul Ryan, the bill's baby daddy, told the press: "We're going to be living with Obamacare for the foreseeable future."

Liberals on Twitter were ecstatic about the news, and immediately started rubbing it in Republicans' faces with a torrent of jokes. Here are the best ones we could find.

Ken Jeong answered Twitter's most common medical questions and made us feel stupid for asking them.

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Before he was one of the comedic stars of Community and the Hangover trilogy and created his sitcom Dr. Ken, actor Ken Jeong was a practicing physician. And, despite his full-time show biz career, he's still licensed in California.

Given that it's been a while since he's had the chance to see a patient in person—and the fact that Twitter is where people try to crowdsource most of their health information these days—it only made sense for Jeong to drop some serious medical knowledge in this video for Wired. His bedside manner may be a little... brusque, but hey, at least he never sugar-coats his professional opinion.

I know what you're thinking, but no—he's not in your insurance network.


Twitter commiserates on how real life is not like Hollywood with #MoviesVsMe.

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If you were raised in front of the screen, movies lead you to believe in myths like love at first sight, acne-free adolescence and cheap New York apartments.

Wallowing in the devastating difference between expectation versus reality, we reached out to Twitter to show us what life outside of the movies looks like with the hashtag #MoviesVsMe.

Some showed us the human side to jobs we see on screen.

Some showed us just how glamorous real life can be.

Some showed us how sci-fi looks without the special effects.

Some showed us how awkward youth is.

Some showed us how movies have inspired them.

Oh, and someone did one on behalf of the president.

I'm bad at yoga but I'm great at wearing yoga pants.

Amber Heard talks about 'coming out' in Hollywood: 'it was not easy.'

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Amber Heard is one tough cookie. While speaking at The Economist's annual Pride & Prejudice Summit in New York yesterday, the 30-year-old actress talked about why she "came out" as bisexual even though people warned her not to because it would hurt her career, People reports.

"When I hear someone comment about me coming out, I think it’s funny because I was never in," she said. "In part because I was very stubborn, I guess, and also in part because I just didn’t feel it was wrong."

The Rum Diaries actress, who split from Johnny Depp last year, said she didn’t think her sexuality was a big deal before she got famous. “I was always out," she said. "I was an activist. I went to protests."

So she insisted on being open about her sexuality, "even though everyone told me it would end my career, without a doubt,” she said. In 2010, naturally, she brought her then-girlfriend Tasya van Ree as her date to a red carpet event. She says this was "definitely a big deal," because after that she was "attached to a label."

"I never have myself defined by the person I’m with,” she said. “I never saw myself defined as one particular thing or not. So, I watched as I quickly became not actress Amber Heard, but out lesbian Amber Heard.”

In some ways, she said coming out did impact her career negatively. "It was difficult. It was not easy," she said. "I was the only one working in this way, so it was definitely difficult because no one had done it."

And some directors even questioned whether she would be able to play a heterosexual romantic lead. “I rolled my eyes at that. And I said, ‘Watch me do it,’ ” she said. “And I did it.”

She sure did.

Arnold Schwarzenegger went full Terminator on a troll who mocked the Special Olympics.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger is many things: a former California governor, a perpetual annoyance to President Trump, and one of the most accomplished movie stars alive. But perhaps above all, he is a big, buff dude who lives for pure sport and athleticism—which is why he's a fan of the Special Olympics.

Yesterday, Schwarzenegger was on hand for the Special Olympics World Games 2017, being held in his home country, Austria. He posted a brief video to Snapchat and Facebook with some of the winners, saying that they inspired him.

So inspired by the athletes I'm meeting at Special Olympics World Games 2017 in Austria.

Posted by Arnold Schwarzenegger on Thursday, March 23, 2017

The post garnered many positive comments. But one guy wasn't having it. "The Special Olympics makes no sense," he complained. "The Olympics are for the best athletes in the entire world to compete against each other to determine who is the best. Having retards competing is doing the opposite!"

Well, RIP that jerk, whose life was ended by Schwarzenegger's devastating reply.

Dang, that's an ice-cold clap back from the man who played Mr. Freeze. Just no coming back from that, not ever. Unless, of course, that guy does end up changing his ways and quitting the sad, pitiful, jealous troll life. It could happen!

Cory Booker and Mindy Kaling just set up a date on Twitter and we need this to happen.

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Ooooh la la now here's some fun Friday gossip: New Jersey Senator Cory Booker asked out comedian Mindy Kaling on Twitter today after some serious flirting. And it looks like they made a date. So buckle up folks, this power couple could actually happen!

The flirtation began earlier this week when Mindy Kaling's character on The Mindy Project name-checked Cory Booker and poked fun at the city of Newark, of which he used to be Mayor. So the Twitter-happy Senator called her out with this tweet:

"Ouch!" he wrote with a broken-heart emoji. "@MindyKaling, heard Dr. Lahiri dissed Newark last night.... & I disagree." He then added: "I still ❤️ U!"

Flirty shots fired! In under ten minutes, Kaling had fired back with this tweet:

She explained that just because her TV alter ego made fun of Newark doesn't mean Mindy feels the same way. She also said "Thanks for the ❤️ It's mutual!"

And then, things just kept heating up! Booker got straight to the point with his next tweet, like a true gentleman:

And.... drum roll please..... she said yes.

By now, everyone was shipping this duo. Including the PATH train itself:

Good job, team! And this really was a team effort.

Then, if you still had any doubt that this is a real life romantic comedy, Booker responded with this:

DOOR-TO-DOOR LYFT SERVICE? This guy has all the right moves. Hopefully Mindy Kaling agrees.

People don't just want this love match to happen—they need this love match to happen.

Sigh. Life can be just like a romantic comedy, right? Please, you two??

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