If you have a soft spot for pigeons, maybe go watch a different viral video. Everybody else, welcome to the party: You're about to see what happens when a bird collides with a human face traveling at high speed.

At the opening of Spain's Ferrari Land on Friday, people were understandably jazzed to ride Red Force, now Europe's fastest roller coaster. But with great thrills come great risk, and one dude's day was more or less ruined when a pigeon decided to fly right into his neck, splattering him with feathers and blood. You might say the guy got a two-for-one deal here: trying out a state-of-the-art new roller coaster AND experiencing the bizarre emotional roller coaster of sudden pain followed by the horrified realization of what had happened.

Props to our victim here for basically brushing off the poor animal's viscera and enjoying the rest of the ride with a smile on his face. Captain Fun over here.

Bill O'Reilly is a sleazy Fox News anchor whose alleged sexual misconduct has cost the network millions in settlements and lost sponsors. Donald Trump is the pussy-grabbing president of the United States who came to his defense as that harassment story broke—even though nobody asked him to. Alec Baldwin is the premier comedic actor when it comes to portraying obnoxious rich monsters who mistreat women as a matter of course. So all three came together for a timely Saturday Night Live sketch about the systemic abuse of power.

It's wild seeing Baldwin do double duty here, but it's also something we can't believe he hasn't done before. And it feels like before long he's going to have to play about 45 different people in Trump's orbit—the man sure has a type.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" is a timeless set-up for bad jokes, so it's especially gratifying to see standup comedian Louis C.K. start there in his monologue for Saturday Night Live. As it turns out, the answer has a lot to do with the state of race relations! From there, he takes us on a great riff about the lives of animals—including his understanding of giraffes, goats, and moose—before explaining the problems he has with fancy hotels. Buckle up for 10 solid minutes of laughs, because this dude is still at the top of his game, riding high.

As President Trump's approval rating continues to tank—and while he tries to shore up those numbers with military intervention in Syria—a core part of his white, working-class, die-hard base refuses to consider anything but unyielding support for their commander-in-chief. Which is pretty confusing when you consider that Trump's budget eliminates pretty much all the stuff they need.

That cognitive dissonance was brought to life in Saturday Night Live's most recent cold open, which found Alec Baldwin's Trump visiting his biggest fans in Union, Kentucky, and brushing aside their concerns about things like healthcare and after-school programs. How? By promising to gut them completely.

Chin up, guys: Just three years and nine months left of Trump's term in office. Assuming these same people don't reelect him in 2020.

Another day, another f'-ed up story about an airline mishandling a tense situation.

This footage posted to social media depicts a man being forcibly dragged from a United aircraft after the airline accidently overbooked the flight. Just a warning, the video is pretty disturbing.

According to NJ.com, United needed four passengers to forfeit their seats on the overbooked flight from Chicago to Louisville. Two passengers left the aircraft voluntarily, but the other two were randomly selected via computer. The man in the video above was selected but refused to leave the plane, telling security that he is a doctor and needed to see patients first thing in the morning. Law enforcement was called and the man was violently dragged from the aircraft as horrified passengers looked on.

NJ.com claims that the man was eventually allowed to re-board and the flight took off over two hours behind schedule.

United released this statement following the disturbing incident:

Flight 3411 from Chicago to Louisville was overbooked. After our team looked for volunteers, one customer refused to leave the aircraft voluntarily and law enforcement was asked to come to the gate. We apologize for the overbook situation.

In March, United caused controversy by refusing to allow three young girls who held vouchers to board a flight because they were wearing leggings, an article of clothing that violates the company's dress code. We have a feeling that this particular situation is going to be a bit harder to explain.

Oh, Florida, you've done it again. A couple of people in Florida made a truly horrifying discovery when they opened a bag of salad greens and began eating before noticing that the bag contained the remains of a decomposing bat. Mmmm…protein!

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, the bat was in a "deteriorated condition" (not even fresh bat!) and was sent to a CDC lab to test for rabies. But as of now, luckily both people seem to be fine, and the CDC issued a statement saying, "Both people report being in good health and neither has any signs of rabies."

Meanwhile, Fresh Express has issued a recall for the rest of the batch of salads, which were shipped to Walmart stores throughout the southeastern U.S. So if you've got a Fresh Express Organic Marketside Spring Mix salad in your fridge, with a production code of G089B19 and a best-by date of April 14, you're going to want to throw that bad boy out.

If you find that you've already eaten a salad from that batch, and you've found "animal material" in your salad, you should contact your local health department immediately. On the other hand, if you've eaten a salad from that batch and not found any "animal material" (as in decomposing winged mammals), there's no need to contact the health department.

Until recently, Natasha Exelby was just a news anchor for local Australian station ABC News 24. But after her on-air shock-gasm went massively viral, she now moonlights as the human emoji for "gasp."

The daydreaming anchor gave a public face to the following scenario:

• You get to work.
• You check your email.
• You stare at your nails a little bit—
• YOUR BOSS IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

The clip went viral immediately, with nearly 2 million views from sympathetic slackers. At least some of them, you have to imagine, were caught by their own bosses while watching the clip, creating an endless cycle of perpetual shock-gasms.

People loved her reaction, because she is all of us. This first guy made it weird.

Aren't you glad you don't work on camera?

UPDATE 4/10:

According to a report from the Daily Telegraph on Monday, the hilarious viral moment actually ended up costing Natasha Exelby her job—the network has reportedly "banned the newsreader from playing any future on-air role." Here's to the social media backlash sure to come for the network after that decision. May it earn Exelby another chance at doing her job more boringly.

Terry Peck, an aspiring Australian rapper known as "2Pec," didn't want to pay for the expensive seafood dinner he'd just eaten on Sunday, so he pulled a dine and dash and ran straight into the ocean. So more of a dine and swim, really.

According to Queensland Police, Peck ordered a "substantial amount of seafood and alcohol" (The Courier Mailis reporting his meal was two lobsters, a baby octopus and 21 vodka oyster shots and "a number of Coronas," which came to over $600) at Omeros Bros Restaurant in Main Beach. But when it came time to pay, Peck instead ran onto the beach. He was reportedly chased by staff members, until he jumped into the ocean at Surfers Paradise's Main Beach.

The wannabe rapper told The Courier Mail that he left before paying because his friend went into labor and was having a baby on the beach. He also said that the restaurant should be apologizing to him, because the lobster was "overcooked" and there was oyster shell in one of the oysters. He then claimed he couldn't find his friend, and "I was going to pay the bill if I found my wallet but I lost everything.”

When he wouldn't come back onto land, police were called. The police had allegedly had lifeguards tow them on the back of jet skis out to where Peck was swimming. He was taken to jail, but got out on bail, with the conditions that he remain at a property in Labrador, and that he not go back to Omeros Bros Seafood Restaurant while still on bail. Really looking forward to his Yelp review of the establishment.

There is no such thing as a relaxing day at the salon when you are a midwife on call.

Midwife Carrie Hall was getting her hair done when she got the call that one of her patients was in labor. It became clear that that baby was not going to wait for her to get shampooed and rinsed, so Hall sprung into action—foils and all.

Hall spoke toCafeMom about the incident.

It was just an ordinary day on call when I thought I'd chance a hair appointment for a color! I called prior to going to my appointment and there was a patient in labor but she wasn't progressing rapidly. My hair dresser, Demaris, had just finished foiling my hair when the nurses called and said the patient was ready to deliver.

The local hospital was five minutes away so ... foils and all .... I went to catch a baby! The patient was ready to push when I arrived! Luckily, the patient delivered within 20 minutes.

Soon after her work at the hospital was done, Hall rushed right back to the salon. In case you were worried about her follicles, Hall also confirmed that "momma, baby, and my hair are great."

One of Dr. Pimple Popper's most beloved patients is Momma Squishy, a woman whose body is covered in small steatocystomas, each one full of an oily yellow substance just begging to be squeezed out. Now, the Squishy family is growing. Dr. Lee recently welcomed a new patient with the same condition. She may not have as many steatocystomas, but they make up for it in quality.

Here's part 1:

And here's part 2:

Do these patients ever meet? Oh, to be a fly on that wall.

5. Bill O'Reilly, because his past is coming back to grope him.

Two weeks ago, Bill O'Reilly had it made. He had the top-rated show on the top-rated cable news network in the US. He was the golden boy of Fox News. Also, his BFF was the president. It seemed like nothing could bring down this red-faced, potato-headed juggernaut. But then it turned out he was a perv.

On April 1, The New York Times published an article detailing the $13 million Fox News and O'Reilly have paid to silence sexual harassment allegations against the anchor. The money was paid to five different women, all of whom worked with O'Reilly during his years at the network.

The allegations follow a similar pattern—he would take young, ambitious women under his wing, promising to help their careers. Then he would try to have sex with them. They would say no, because of their ethics and his personality/face, and then he would abandon them. Also, sometimes he would call them and breathe heavily into the phone. Yuck.

When the Times article first dropped, it seemed like these allegations wouldn't hurt him—the cases were closed, and his fans stood by him. Everyone thought he would pull a Trump and get away with it, effectively grabbing this controversy by the p****y. But then major advertisers started dropping his show one by one: BMW, LegalZoom, Lexus, Invisalign, Mercedes Benz, even Jenny Craig. JENNY CRAIG!

All in all, more than 35 companies have pulled their ads from The O'Reilly Factor. And now that their pocketbooks are hurting, Fox News is finally taking notice. On Sunday, the network released said it will investigate a brand-new sexual harassment claim against O'Reilly. Could Mr. Bill be on the outs at the network he helped build? If so, let's just hope he handles it with his trademark grace and calm.

4. Janet Jackson, because she's single again.

Janet Jackson has never needed a man to make her happy, because she's Janet f***ing Jackson. But still, we were happy to see her finally settle down with a nice Qatari billionaire, Wissam Al Mana, in 2012. They were even blessed with a miracle this January, when the 50-year-old Jackson gave birth to her first child. But sadly, while their son will continue to brighten their days forever, their marriage is over. E! News has confirmed that they are getting divorced.

So what are Janet's plans now that she's going back to being Miss Jackson (if you're nasty)? She's apparently settling in London, where she will be raising her son. Outside of that, she'll continue touring as one of the world's most beloved divas, just like she has for the past 35 years. I mean, this is a woman who escaped the shadow of her famous family to become a self-sufficient superstar for decades. And THEN she decided to become a mom at 50. She'll be fine.

3. Mariah Carey, because she's single too.

These are dark days in Diva World. Only five months after starting a relationship with her 33-year-old backup dancer Bryan Tanaka, Mariah Carey has cut the young man off. According to TMZ, Tanaka was tired of being "disrespected" by Carey's cordial relationship with her ex (and the father of her twins) Nick Cannon.

The dancer went mad with jealousy after Carey and Cannon took their kids to the Kids' Choice Awards together—which, for the record, would have been a weird thing to bring Tanaka to. He even demanded she come home during the event. Apparently, Tanaka would lash out at Carey for being a good mom by hitting on other women in front of her. This behavior, combined with his penchant for buying expensive bling on her dime, was a recipe for an epic Carey-style dumping.

Honestly, Tanaka should have seen this coming. Carey made a major scene out of her breakup with her last guy, Australian billionaire James Packer. (What is it with pop divas and billionaires? Oh wait, money.) When Packer broke off his engagement to Carey, she edited him out of her reality show and recut the footage to look like she was dumping him—for Tanaka.

If Carey was willing to burn her bridge with a billionaire in spectacular fashion, why would she tolerate her mooching backup dancer telling her not to spend time with her kids? This guy is lucky she didn't put a hit out on his dumb ass. Speaking of which…

2. An NRA employee who accidentally shot himself during a training exercise.

NBC Washington reports that a clumsy employee of the National Rifle Association had a slight mishap during a firearms training session at the organization's headquarters in Fairfax County, Virginia last Thursday. While trying to safely holster his weapon, the 46-year-old accidentally shot himself in the leg. He was taken to the hospital and treated for a minor wound.

On the plus side, everyone who was there was given a first-hand demonstration of how NOT to holster a gun. And at least the NRA hasn't been responsible for blocking any and all gun safety legislation in Congress for decades. Oh wait.

1. This guy whose tent was invaded by a stubborn skunk.

Are you a fan of camping? Well, you won't be after watching this. A man hiking the Appalachian Trail near Cowrock, Georgia in March had a rude awakening when he realized he was sharing his tent with a bag-hungry skunk. And as you can see from his video, this stinky little freak wasn't taking "Get outta here!" for an answer.

The hiker said:

I was hiking the Appalachian trail in Georgia and a freezing snow storm came up, so I put up my tent, got in and around one o'clock in the morning, a skunk came up to get warm. He tried to get in my backpack, then he tried to drag it away after I kept shooing him off. He bit me later and I just got my last rabies shot today!

This skunk is the biggest menace since Pepé le Pew's attempted sex crimes.

The BBC has been killing it with hilarious and awkward live TV moments recently. Right on the heels of BBC Dad, another spectacularly bizarre interview moment has surfaced.

According to the Evening Standard, BBC horse racing reporter Luke Harvey was being interviewed at the Grand National when he realized that he needed to get to another interview. That's when he made the single greatest exit in broadcast history.

Bless you, camera man.

Breaking up is hard to do, but 19-year-old Kirsten Titus dumped her boyfriend Wyatt Hall in such a creative way, he couldn't even be too mad at her.

According to BuzzFeed, Titus and Hall had been seeing each other casually, but after a little while, Titus felt that the two were better off as friends. She also started developing feelings for someone else, and decided to end things in the most creative way possible: by sending Hall a Spotify playlist with very deliberately chosen songs.

Check it out:

Kirsten's younger sister Erika spotted the hilarious playlist and put her sibling on blast by tweeting it out, where it quickly went viral.

Kirsten was not too thrilled about her breakup going public.

But Wyatt didn't take it too hard.

"I thought it was kind of funny honestly," Hall told BuzzFeed. He also noted that the two were never "really serious," and that they plan to remain friends. He even responded to Kirsten by making her a Spotify playlist.

Someone on Twitter even sent Wyatt a Spotify playlist of her own as her way of showing her interest in him, so it seems like he will be just fine.

For reasons not complete known (other than the kindness of her heart), Kylie Jenner crashed a prom at Rio Americano High School on Saturday night. Well, she didn't really crash it, because she was invited—by a student named Albert Ochoa. And actually, he got two prom dates for the price of one, because Jenner brought along her best friend, Jordyn Woods.

Even Ochoa's sister, Selena, doesn't know why Kylie Jenner took the time to attend the prom in Sacramento, CA, tweeing, "TELL ME WHY MY BROTHER TOOK KYLIE JENNER TO PROM 2NIGHT!!!!!!!"

Here's the story: according to ABC News, Ochoa was turned down by the classmate he originally asked to prom, and his campaign to get a new date went viral. And none other than Kylie Jenner decided to step in and take her place.

Remember, Jenner never attended prom during high school, because she was home-schooled from grade 9 through 12 (and a prom of one, held in your own living room, probably isn't much fun).

So this time she did it up in style, arriving in a private jet, as one does.

Of course, the students at the prom went nuts trying to film Kylie Jenner, because come on, it's KYLIE JENNER! At a regular old high school prom! What even...?

Ochoa got pretty damn lucky, especially considering asking celebrities to proms doesn't usually actually work. Like Jacob Staudenmaier, the Arizona student who asked Emma Stone to his prom in a musical promposal based on La La Land. She was nice enough to address the video, but she certainly wasn't going to attend. But Kylie Jenner just made this dude's whole year, probably. See, sometimes dreams really do come true (but not often, so don't count on it).

A woman on Tinder made her preference for taller men very well known, which led to a very dramatic conversation that's just now going viral. Here she is, in all her blurry glory.

She summed up her personality succinctly, writing: "Dog lover, cat hater, cargo short shredder." Controversial, sure, but not as big a deal to prospective lovers as the simple sentence:

"I am 5'7".... swipe left if you are shorter."

It's by no means a new argument that "height-shaming" is just as bad as any other form of body-shaming. But instead of swiping left on a woman whose views he didn't appreciate, one guy decided to swipe right and take her on a textual journey of love, loss, irony, and wasted time.

Here's how it went:

The screenshots seem to jump in timeline a little bit, but the conversation inevitably gets to the girl's height, and her stated preferences.

You might start to get the feeling that the dude isn't quite as tall as he says he is, unless he is just a highly sympathetic tall man.

Somehow, the woman agrees with her suitor-troll that short men shouldn't even EXIST—but at least she doesn't take the bait when he suggests we "sterilize them" or "turn them into dogs."

And here's where it all comes to its predictable conclusion, as the troll reveals himself:

Yes, the guy has a point that women shouldn't hate on short men just as men shouldn't hate on any particular woman. Yes, the woman has a point if she just wants a fling on Tinder and doesn't need some troll filling up her phone with useless messages.

In the ending, they're both petty people looking for love on Tinder, and they're both staunchly stubborn and willing to get pretty rude to a stranger.

In a way, they're perfect for each other.

Let's hope for a happy ending here—she only said she'd "probably" block him. Here's to love!

Ryan Phillippe wants everyone to know that he is not dating Katy Perry, and he would like you all to leave him be.

According to E! News, tabloids have been reporting that Phillippe and Perry were spotted flirting at Elton John's 70th birthday party a few weeks ago. (People were very excited about the new possible romance, given Perry's recent breakup with Orlando Bloom.) Well, it seems those rumors aren't true. Phillippe is fed up with them, so he posted an angry, all-caps tweet to put them to rest once and for all.

"I AM NOT DATING KATY PERRY. BARELY KNOW HER," Phillippe tweeted. "PLEASE STOP FLYING HELICOPTERS OVER MY HOUSE. SHE IS NOT HERE. Thx."

Oh, um. Oops. Okay. Sorry about that, Ryan. I'll just grab my helicopter and be on my way.

A baseball game between the Cubs and the Brewers on Sunday encountered a minor delay of game when, as the embarrassed announcers put it, "I believe a balloon or something..." whisked onto center field.

"It is balloon!" shouted one silly announcer, before the camera zoomed in on the "balloon," revealing it to be an inflated condom, and the announcers went silent for nearly a full 30 seconds. The umpire finally tracked it down and stomped on it, perhaps wisely refusing to pick up the remnants.

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives an umpire an inflated condom, he stomps on it and take a bow.

On Monday, disturbing footage of a doctor being violently dragged from an United airplane surfaced on social media, causing a tidal wave of backlash for the airline.

According to CBC News, United forced the man off the plane against his will after he was one of four people randomly selected to forfeit their seat so airline employees could fly. When the doctor refused to deplane, explaining that he had patients waiting for him, law enforcement was called to remove him from the aircraft. In the process, the man was bloodied and literally dragged away.

Warning, the videos are disturbing.

@united@FoxNews@CNN not a good way to treat a Doctor trying to get to work because they overbooked pic.twitter.com/sj9oHk94Ik

— Tyler Bridges (@Tyler_Bridges) April 9, 2017

@United overbook #flight3411 and decided to force random passengers off the plane. Here's how they did it: pic.twitter.com/QfefM8X2cW

— Jayse D. Anspach (@JayseDavid) April 10, 2017

Of course, Twitter was outraged by the cruel and violent mistreatment of the man, and had no qualms about dragging United for filth over social media.

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