Parenting is challenging as hell, and sometimes it requires a few teeny, tiny white lies here and there. Santa Claus, for example. But on occasion the lies are a little less innocent than a jolly man who brings you presents. When it comes to getting kids not to do things, sometimes you have to tell lies to instill fear. Parenting is very nuanced.

As adults, we can all remember the lies our parents told us to keep us out of trouble. For example, I was told if I picked my nose my grandmother would turn my entire nose upside down. As an adult I know she is not capable of that level of martial arts, but damn did it get me not pick my nose...around my grandmother.

So, what are some other lies parents tell? Reddit user Get-off-my-wave asked people, "What are the most dire warning from your parents turned out to be bullshit?" The responses are hilarious and will have thanking your parents for not scarring you as badly as others.

1. ionedann must have been v tempted to press that button.

When you press the red button with the triangle in the car all the doors fall off.

2. SerBennis was def not a nose picker after this.

That if I kept picking my nose my head would cave in

3. Babywiskers had parents who stuck with the classics.

“Keep making that face and it’ll get stuck like that!”

4. Swadio's dad didn't have the balls to tell him the truth.

"I can always make another you, I can't make another me."

Turns out he can't, he got a vasectomy after I was born.

5. fliteriskk has the research to back up their refute to this claim.

If you keep masturbating, you'll go blind.

Thoroughly tested and definitively false.

6. mikeliss's mom had an impressive imagination.

When we would go to the beach I would never want to get out of the water so my mom told me that staying in the water too long would make me "water logged." She said she could look into my eyes and see the level of water in my system. If the water raised above my iris that meant I had to get out and let the water drain before I would drown. I believed this for far too long.

7. bubblegumbeth's parents knew that vanity was the angle to play here.

"Every rice left on your plate would be a new pimple on your face."

8. Skellingtor's parnets have made it so I can never watch TV in peace.

"Watching the TV will give you square eyes"

When I was 4 years old, I took a mirror down with me whenever I went to watch TV to ensure my eyes had not gone square. 20 years later, they're still round. Complete bullshit.

9. Wait, Odaatnazz, I actually thought this was true? Googling now.

Gum takes 7 years to digest. This is when I figured out adults lied. Cause I saw it in my poop. Just couldn't tell anybody, cause I saw it... in my poop.

10. butts_and_whatnot's parents may be responsible for their username.

"If you unscrew your belly button your bum will fall off."

I did my best to avoid screwdrivers for a large part of my childhood because I lacked the will power not to stuff them into my belly button. I was terrified at the thought of losing my bum but intrigued by the possibility.

11. Schnitt123 beat the system.

"The only thing colleges care about now is which extracurricular activities you're in, so if you don't participate in any you can just forget about going to college."

I never played any sports and never participated in a single club or extracurricular activity and got accepted to every single college I applied to.

12. Someone should tell mynameisnt_megan's parents what they're missing.

"Oral sex is dangerous and not pleasurable for either party"

Oh my, how very wrong this statement was.

13. wrenatha is scarred for life.

"If you don't wear your seatbelt low across your hips, if the car stops suddenly your seatbelt will push all your organs out of your body through your mouth."

Thanks for telling me that as a 6-year-old, dad. That didn't fuck me up at all.

Millennials get a boatload of sh*t for supposedly being a generation of entitled, self-obsessed adults who act like children. I'd dispute that characterization, even though we did invent the term 'adulting' to describe doing basic survival-related tasks like cooking, cleaning, going to the post office, etc. Rapidly changing social mores and digital media's proliferation exacerbate the generation gap between Millennials and Gen Xers/Boomers, so I'm not surprised they find us alienating. However I AM surprised that older adults are so ~~confounded~~ by Millennials' love of avocado toast, smartphones, and social media - can't they recall a time when their brand of youth culture confused their parents? It's all relative is what I'm saying.

Imagine my relief at coming across this 'rant' on Reddit that explains exactly why Millennials are the way they are. It made me feel sane and understood, especially because like the author I also graduated high school in 2009 - right after the economy crashed. User @GallowBoob posted the below image and wrote, 'This makes me feel better about being a millennial.'

It neatly puts into context this ADD-addled, debt-loaded, generally overwhelmed and underserved generation. Resonating with Redditors and beyond, it's earned almost 56,000 upvotes so far and so, so many comments.

Pick the timeline of any other generation. Just about all of them sucked in one way or another.

-Despacito2019

If it would make this person feel any better, Americans are almost entirely not responsible for the plastic in the ocean. That would be China's fault, along with India and some African nations. Literally 90% of the plastic in the ocean can be pinned on that small group of nations.

-phoenixthecat

I'm a generation above (Born 1980) and we had the same shit. War - IRA issues and the Gulf?? The mortgage bubble burst, My parents bought their first house for £22,000, I just got a mortgage for £140,000 for a smaller house. Wages not kept up, the generation above caused a crippled economy with the baby boom and ridiculous banking ethics. Governments aren't just corrupt today, they always have been. Throw away lifestyles are more about the industries than the people. We have to recycle plastic but have no way of stopping the corporate conglomerates from using plastics, yet it's our responsibility.

In my opinion, humans have been the cancer of Earth ever since we first stood up. Don't worry, every generation goes through it, and it won't end until the entire of the worlds resources have gone and we end up killing each other for fun...

But please do have a nice day!

-bedstag

Guys, can you take it in stride a little more? Generations snapping at each other has been a feature of humanity for literally millennia. I studied Latin and Ancient Greek in university, the number times I’ve seen the equivalent of “kids these days” and “old people just don’t understand”, written about 2,000 years ago, is hilarious.

And it’s not gonna stop. Believe it or not, your kids will be saying the same thing about you in 30-40 years. Your grandparents, your parents, and YOU are not perfect.

Edit: thanks for proving my point. On average, humanity has never been better off than we are today. There’s definitely things we need to improve, like curb climate change, adequate healthcare for all, affordable education for whoever wants it, affordable and comfortable housing for all, etc etc etc. But overall, life expectancy is high, there have never been so few wars in any point in history, nobody outside of some remote places is dying of hunger, all kinds of prejudices, bigotry, and discrimination are dying a slow death. Be happy and thankful you are alive now and not at any other point in human history.

-MonsterRider80

I haven't had much interest in the whole 23andMe trend. I'm very secure in my identity as a young Caucasian woman from the suburbs (now trying to make it in The Big City! *cue cheesy sitcom opening*) and am not sure what the takeaways are supposed to be. My family's been in the States for generations and we're far removed from our origins as Italian-speaking seamstresses/appliance salesmen/fearful Catholics. Even if the test turned up something I wasn't expecting - like 2% Native American heritage or whatever - it wouldn't change my understanding of who I am, or how I came to be. Others enthusiastically research their ancestry through genealogical websites and DNA tests, which I assume gets them in deeper touch with their roots.

But what happens when a DNA analysis reveals something genuinely disturbing?

AccidentalxIncest hints at the problem in his username and lays out the whole nightmarish scenario in this post, as seen on subreddit TIFU (Today I Fucked Up):

(EDIT 2)Proof:(https://i.imgur.com/Z0zm9xi.png)

Throwaway, obviously. I also made the same post over at r/23andme.

I just found out a few hours ago and my girlfriend and I are currently a mental wreck.

Quick background

My girlfriend (I'll refer to her as Sarah) and I have been dating for a little over than a year and our relationship has been going very well. We both happen to come from the same town and met each other in college after being introduced by a mutual friend of ours.

Here's where the FU begins to unravel

Last year for Christmas, Sarah decided to come over and stay with me at my apartment for the holidays. I also had decided not to go home for the holidays either. Plus, all my other roommates were back home visiting family, so we had the whole place to ourselves. It was perfect.

Christmas day rolls around, and Sarah had bought the both of us 23andme DNA kits. The thing is, is that we were both conceived by in-vitro fertilization via sperm donors. Both of our fathers were infertile so our parents had no choice. Deep down, the both of us were hoping to find our biological fathers through the service.

Fast forward less than a month later to today, and both of our results are in. Sarah comes over to spend the weekend and we go through our results together on our laptops. We compare our ancestry and health reports and nothing seems off. I even found out I'm 2% Native American. All was well until we arrived at the "DNA relatives" section...

Sarah tightly holds my hand and says "I hope we both find our fathers". Then I open mine up....

At the top of my screen, I see Sarah's name.... "27% DNA shared...half-sister.........."

Sarah starts hysterically laughing and tells me to stop joking.

I don't react to anything she says, and just stare at my screen in disbelief.

I then abruptly grab her laptop and open up her "DNA relatives" section. We see the same thing. My name at the top... "27% DNA shared...half-brother"

At this moment my brain just completely short-circuits.....

I'VE BEEN HAVING SEX WITH MY HALF-SISTER. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WTF

My mind starts going a 100mph and I began hyperventilating, going into a state of shock. I can't even remember what Sarah was doing at this time.

It's pretty self-explanatory by now, but for those of you who don't understand how we could be related, it turns out our moms were probably both fertilized by the same sperm sample. What are the fucking odds, right? The fact that we're from the same town certainly increased the odds but still.

6 hours later, just typing this entire post makes my body shiver. There are no words I have to express what my mental state is now. To put it in simple words: I feel traumatized. Part of me still won't stop thinking about how much I love Sarah and then I realize our entire relationship was incest. I honestly feel disgusted standing in my own skin. I've even been contemplating suicide.

Sarah and I haven't talked at all since going into shock.

Right as I'm finishing up this post, Sarah has grabbed her stuff and left my apartment a few moments ago.

I'm probably not going to respond to any of your comments/questions for now and I honestly want to be left alone in the corner of my room. I really just needed a place to vent all this.

TL;DR: Former gf and I are both sperm donor babies and come from the same town. We take a 23andme DNA test and find out we're each other's half-sibling. Meaning I've been having sex with my sister for over a year. Turns out we both were conceived from the same sperm sample, go figure.

I do not give permission for my post to be used in the making of any movie, story, book, etc.

EDIT: My mates just came home and are giving me support.

EDIT 2: RIP inbox. Thank you all so much for the support. I just logged back in and didn't really expect this post to blow up. Last night was rough. Sarah's friend/roommate called letting me know Sarah was home. As of now, Sarah and I still haven't talked. But after an night of thinking, I believe I've come to terms with what we've discovered. For those of you who still think this is fake (I honestly wish it was), here's a screenshot showing our shared DNA (https://i.imgur.com/Z0zm9xi.png). I think the best way for Sarah and I to heal is to go back home (our town) and see how this all began with our families. Only then will we be able to accept the reality. I'll post more updates as things develop.

'Fucked Up' indeed. To stave off skepticism, he even provided receipts (as linked in the post):

With that out of the way, Redditors offered the OP advice and necessary perspective.

It's understandably a pretty traumatic experience, so I think it's best that you and your girlfriend have some time apart.

However, at some point I would recommend two things: 1. Talking to her about the results and, 2. Getting a second test done by another reputable service or medical provider. Your family doctor may even have a recommendation.

As you said, this is a pretty phenomenal circumstance. Before making any sort of long-term, final decision about your relationship, verifying the test results should be a priority.

-DesertedPenguin

Maybe I'm just too open minded but I don't think you did anything wrong or disgusting. I mean it's not like you're actual brother and sister that grew up together.

Not saying I'd just continue or anything, but I can't see how you could've known or prevented this so keep your head up :)

-GermagicSV

No children, no harm done.

Imagine you got to the point in life you decided on having kids and found out then. Compared to that this is a very happy ending and you both dodged a bullet.

-LaconicalAudio

If it makes you feel any better, there's actually a theory that humans are prone to specifically being attracted to genetic relatives, if / when we first meet them as adults so that we weren't raised to see them under the umbrella of the incest taboo.

You didn't do anything wrong! You just met a girl. I hope you can find peace with it over time. I'm so sorry this happened to you both.

-Jeztinberlin

What’s disgusting about incest is having a romantic/sexual relationship with someone you’re so intimately related to that you grew up with each other from birth.

In this instance they’re only half related, and likely had completely different upbringings in completely separate families. Genetically it’s still not a great idea, but morally and ethically I don’t think there’s anything here to worry about.

-Qyro

Godspeed, you crazy kids - even if you are related.

Unless you're as idiotic as the people described below, the headline should explain it all. Redditor DestroyingLegends asked a simple question that yielded a goldmine of mind-blowing answers: 'What’s the dumbest shit someone ever said?' People shared the dumb sh*t that they've never been able to shake. Some of the speakers were children, so that makes complete sense - kids' observations of the world are hilariously misinformed and can result in bizarre statements. But the adults? The adults are proof that humanity is, at its core, shockingly stupid. Maybe that's cynical, but that's how I feel.

Don't scroll through these selections while drinking something unless you want it sprayed all over your device. Let's get to it!

1. That's...dumb as hell, Rottenox.

I’m an identical twin, and I once had someone seriously ask me if I ever forget which twin I am.

No, I do not sometimes think I am my brother.

2. That's adorable, Aaron_mcc.

I once got a cool tooth brush when i was little and i asked with big exited eyes, "is it waterproof?" , and after they said yes i ran to the bathroom and ran it under the tap repeatedly in amazement...

3. I hope your friend isn't training to become a pilot, TarynMagic.

One of my friends thought 9/11 was one plane that flew into the first tower reversed out and then flew into the second tower

4. I don't understand either, inikuro.

One time a customer asked me if we sold any unfrozen ice. I looked at him incredulous and when i saw he was serious i chuckled (was trying really hard not to burst out laughing) while asking "you mean water? It's behind you" he goes "no no. Unfrozen ice!" I stood there blankly looking at him. He gave an exasperated grunt and left. I laughed and was left wondering wtf he actually wanted.

Edit: I've been reading your suggestions as to what he was looking for and they're great guesses had i worked at a grocery store. I guess i should've mentioned i was working at a liquor store at the time and no. He wasn't drunk. Trust me i would've known. I did think he meant dry ice and i did ask him after the whole "the water is behind you" thing but that wasn't it either so. I'm again not sure what he really wanted. Maybe English really wasn't his first language like some of ya'll have suggested. It's been a few years and i still remember the guy who was looking for unfrozen ice.

5. Chode_Life gifted us this dialogue:

“He died of natural causes”

“Like a bear or something?”

6. I assume you were speaking with a white person, hokstr88.

I was once asked if I was Chinese or Asian. And then when they realized their error, asked if I was Korean or Asian.

7. joolsss_ made me laugh out loud.

My friend said we should do the human centipede (she thought it was a dance move).

8. DookieSpeak heard some dumb sh*t.

One friend noticed another friend whip out a pack of 5 gum. He got mad and said that he was the one that discovered 5 gum and that the other friend was copying him. This was a 10 minute argument. Around 2009 when it was still pretty new.

"You copied my gum bro"

said in full earnest

9. KVM14 knows someone who's confused by...timezones AND the weather? Idk.

“Is there a different sun for each state?” My sisters dance teacher.

10. Wait. Maybe Millennials ARE idiots, thebubbleswumbo.

“Are the moon and the sun the same thing?” My 26yr old co-worker.

11. Hufflepuff20's teacher should NOT have been teaching anyone. WTF?!

My first grade teacher and I got into an argument if hummingbirds actually existed. I said they did, she said they didn’t. I went home crying to my mom about it.

Next parent-teacher conference my mom was like, “Oh and by the way, hummingbirds are real. So don’t tell my daughter they aren’t anymore.”

12. Dreviser didn't date this person for her IQ.

Watching clash of the titans and my ex said “lol imagine if scorpions were real” after a few minutes trying to convince her they are she followed up with “next you’ll tell me reindeer are real”

13. ...what about cooties, citlooli?

"If you touch someone with Hepatitis C you'll get it, just like when you touch someone with Diabetes."

14. Were you dating a literal child, BroffaloSoldier?

I had an ex that thought all cats in existence were male because he had never seen a pregnant female cat or witnessed a cat birth. He just... thought they spawned at random points and set out into the world, I guess. Dude was truly, deeply stupid.

If you're one of those people who's got a dirty mind and you're always thinking about sex, then these memes will rock your world. Thank goodness it's Sunday, because this list is definitely NSFW.

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Nobody freak out, but Nicki Minaj said the words "I'm pregnant" on air. Trust me, don't freak out, because she was only joking. The famous rapper sent fans into a frenzy with this joke, which she delivered on Queen Radio. While dropping her new singles "Barbie Drip, Drip Too Hard" and "Barbie Got Bad," Minaj joked that she is "in the healthiest place that I've been in years. I'm pregnant." Then, she filled the air with a pregnant pause (pun absolutely intended) before revealing that she was totally playing with us. Well played, Nicki. Rude, but well played.

Naturally, Queen Nicki fans freaked the fuck out.

The internet was shook, to say the least. Now if she ever does announce an actual pregnancy, will we trust it? Or will she be the Queen who cried "I'm pregnant"? Only time will tell. Until then, you can find me jamming the fuck out to these new singles she debuted.

Just one week after Jussie Smollet was reportedly attacked in Chicago, the Empire star made his way back to the stage to perform and speak to his fans. Smollet directly addressed the assault at the concert, telling the audience, "I'm not fully healed yet. But I'm going to (be), and I'm gonna stand strong with y'all." He also clarified that he was bruised, but his ribs were not cracked and his doctors had cleared him to perform the concert.

As a refresher, Jussie Smollet was attacked by two men in masks, who yelled racial and homophobic slurs at him while beating him and telling him that he's in "MAGA country. "They also put a rope around his neck and poured an "unknown chemical substance" on Smollett during the attack.

During the concert, Smollet went on to say that he wasn't going to let his attackers win. "Above all, I fought the fuck back," he said to the crowd. He continued, "I don't even care to name any names. The hateful rhetoric that gets passed around, it has to stop. But guess what, it stops with the people that believe in love."

Actual footage of me after reading these qoutes from Jussie Smollet:

Oh, did you think you were done crying? Think again! After his encore, Jussie told room full of fans, "Be as black, be as brown, be as gay as the fuck you want to be. Now is the time. Be blacker, be gayer, do it right the fuck now.”

We applaud Jussie's strength and bravery, and wish him the best recovery. Now I must got and buy some tissues.

Even the most loyal of football haters tune into the Superbowl for the halftime show. Whether or not you understand what's happening between the goal posts, everyone understands a party and a mini concert.

While it's hard to beat Lady Gaga's epic dive from the top of the stadium in 2017, this year Maroon 5 attempted...something. The overall performance was underwhelming for a halftime show, despite the pyrotechnics and appearance of Travis Scott AKA Kylie Jenner's baby daddy. Of course, with an uncomfortable performance comes a whole lot of burns from the internet. And the internet certainly didn't hesitate.

Many compared Levine's outfit to furniture in everyone's parent's basement:

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Others just rolled in with solid roasts:

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Some noticed the difference between men and women's performances. Lady Gaga dove! Katy Perry rode a gold lion! Also important to note is the double standard placed upon women considering the Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction" versus Levine singing fully shirtless.

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Levine has since responded to the backlash on Instagram, writing:

"When we accepted the responsibility to perform at the SBHTS, I took out my pen and just wrote. Some of the words that came to me in that moment eventually made their way onto the incredible lanterns that flew high and low tonight. We thank the universe for this historic opportunity to play on the world’s biggest stage. We thank our fans for making our dreams possible. And we thank our critics for always pushing us to do better."

View this post on Instagram

When we accepted the responsibility to perform at the SBHTS, I took out my pen and just wrote. Some of the words that came to me in that moment eventually made their way onto the incredible lanterns that flew high and low tonight. We thank the universe for this historic opportunity to play on the world’s biggest stage. We thank our fans for making our dreams possible. And we thank our critics for always pushing us to do better. One Love. ❤️ And the list of words is... Forgive Laugh Cry Smile Share Live Endure Embrace Remember Enlighten Preserve Inspire Sweat Fight Express Give Receive Elevate Climb Unify Fortify Soften Dance Scream Dream Educate Provide Inhale Exhale Persevere Stand Kneel Overcome Love Listen

A post shared by Adam Levine (@adamlevine) on Feb 3, 2019 at 5:44pm PST

Maybe next year instead of bringing back The Patriots we can just bring back Lady Gaga?

Regardless of how you feel about football, or the Patriots and Rams in particular, it's likely you already know that the 53rd Superbowl took place on Sunday. With the game itself, came all of the emotionally loaded top-billed commercials, a lot of jokes about Tom Brady, and a halftime show performed by Maroon 5, Travis Scott and Big Boi.

Per usual, the halftime show generated the most conversation for both the diehard football fans and the casual snackers alike. One of the most notable aspects of this performance was the fact that Maroon 5's lead singer Adam Levine eventually took off his shirt.

While some people debated the meanings behind his array of tattoos, and whether or not they found a shirtless Levine attractive, others pointed out the innate hypocrisy him being allowed to perform with his nipples exposed.

After all, back in 2004 Janet Jackson was "fined and blacklisted by US radio" after a wardrobe malfunction revealed one of her nipples during her performance with Justin Timberlake.

So now, to see Levine performing a large chunk of the halftime show with both nipples exposed and no repercussions feels like a very strong example of the double standard between how female performers and male performers are treated. And also, the privileges afforded white performers versus black performers.

Fans of Jackson went in on the double standard, pointing out how ludicrous it is that the 2004 performance took a huge toll on her career.

The difference between the reception towards Levine's shirtless performance and Jackson's momentary nipple slip says scores about the ways women's nipples are sexualized and men's are normalized. Hopefully, as more people call these double standards out, the culture will shift to something more equitable.

Keeping up with America's theme of focusing on what is truly important, the latest hot button issue is Trump's confusing orange tan.

Is it the sun in his Florida gold empire? Is it his naturally orange complexion? Is it that he eats so much fast food he's turning into the Golden Arches? Anything is possible. In former White House aide Omarosa Manigault Newman's book, "Unhinged: An Insider’s Account of the Trump White House" she claims Trump's hue is the result of hours in a tanning bed. And, as a former prom season tanning bed addict myself, I can understand the appeal. It's incredibly unhealthy, it always makes you look orange, but you leave smelling like coconuts and a day at the beach.

It's possible that Trump also indulges in a fun and flirty spray tan every once in awhile, or that he likes to saturate his face in at-home tanning lotions meant for panty-hose free legs. The only real giveaway though is the white rings around his eyeballs, which, as a tanning bed expert, I can diagnose to be goggle marks.

According to an anonymous senior white house official's account in The New York Times, though, Trump's look is the result of "good genes." Even if there was a gene for uneven orange skin everywhere except around your eyes, would that be considered a good gene? The internet has thoughts.

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Maybe one day we'll discover the truth.

Rihanna is not here to make people feel good about their life unless she really means it, and when it comes to millions of Americans supporting the Super Bowl she is not on board.

While many quickly returned to their regular football viewing traditions, Rihanna has continued to boycott the NFL following the way the league treated Colin Kaepernick. Basically, back in 2016 the former 49ers quarterback started kneeling during the national anthem to protest the police shootings that sparked the Black Lives Matter movement.

Many other players joined Kaepernick during his months of protest, but the former quarterback paid the ultimate career price for taking a stand. While he technically opted out of his contract with the San Francisco 49ers, it was later confirmed that they were planning to drop Kaepernick anyways due to his "polarizing politics."

Because of this, many have since sworn to boycott the NFL, and Rihanna is among them.

So, while the rest of the country watched the Super Bowl, Rihanna was getting comfy on a flight out of NYC. That is, until she heard scores of fellow passengers asking how they could watch the game while in the air.

Rihanna quickly took to her Instagram stories where she shared a video of just how annoying she found the other Super Bowl loving passengers.

She even straight up called out a fellow passenger for being a weirdo because of their insistent creeping on her, and yes, their dedication to the game.

To clarify her stance, Rihanna then posted a photo of Kaepernick confirming precisely why she's beefing with the event.

I have a feeling that by now, her fellow passengers have caught wind of the shade cast on them by Riri. Truly, if anything can convince people to tune out of the Super Bowl, it's a roasting by Rihanna.

You don't have to be a woman to find these memes totally hilarious, but it worked for me.

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5. Adam Levine, because everyone hated his Super Bowl halftime show performance (and his tattoos).

Adam Levine, your mom's favorite coach on The Voice, headlined the Super Bowl halftime show and your mom was pretty much the only person who liked it.

Maroon 5, not to be confused with maroons one through four, is most famous for a song about the lead singer of another band. Levine saying he got the moves like Jagger is insulting to Mick Jagger.

Levine was comprehensively roasted for looking like 70s furniture with his shirt on, and a Chipotle bag with his shirt off.

His tattoos might be incredibly corny, but at least none of them say "barbecue grill."

4. Virginia Governor Ralph Northam, because everyone wants him to just f*cking resign already.

On Friday, it was reported that Governor Ralph Northam's page in his medical school yearbook is an astonishingly racist spectacle featuring blackface and a KKK costume. Well, we hope it's a costume.

At first, Northam apologized for the photo, acknowledging that the yearbook page is authentic but failing to specify whether he's the guy in blackface or the KKK hood—the worst episode of The Masked Singer ever.

By Saturday, he switched gears, saying that he's neither the minstrel show character or the klansman in the picture, and reportedly contemplated using facial recognition software (???) to prove it.

While he denies being in the yearbook photo, Northam admitted that he did once experiment with blackface in 1984 to dress up as Michael Jackson, but at least he won the dance contest with his moonwalk.

Everyone wants Ralph Northam to resign, except for Ralph Northam.

Despite losing the trust of his constituents, and reportedly (and understandably) not getting along with his African American lieutenant governor, Justin Fairfax, Northam is still refusing to vacate the governor's mansion.

Democrats are pissed that Northam is still insisting on being relevant, compromising their attempts to brand themselves as the non-racist party ahead of the 2020 election.

Hey, governor: Heal the world. Make it a better place. For you and for me and the entire human race.

3. Liam Neeson, because for some reason he decided to blurt out that he wanted to commit racist murder.

I regret to inform you that Liam Neeson, of Taken and Schindler's List fame, spent a week and half with a weapon, planning on killing any random black guy after a close friend was allegedly raped by a black man.

Granted the opportunity to say literally anything else, Neeson used an interview with British newspaper The Independentas an opportunity to talk about his brief foray into racist rage that almost ended in homicide.

Discussing his latest action film about revenge, Neeson mentioned a time in his own life where he sought to murder a black person, whoever the nearest black person was:

It was some time ago. Neeson had just come back from overseas to find out about [a friend having been raped]. “She handled the situation of the rape in the most extraordinary way,” Neeson says. “But my immediate reaction was…” There’s a pause. “I asked, did she know who it was? No. What colour were they? She said it was a black person.

“I went up and down areas with a cosh, hoping I’d be approached by somebody – I’m ashamed to say that – and I did it for maybe a week, hoping some [Neeson gestures air quotes with his fingers] ‘black bastard’ would come out of a pub and have a go at me about something, you know? So that I could,” another pause, “kill him.”

Neeson added that he is ashamed of that impulse, but not ashamed enough to never talk about it ever again.

It's a good thing that Neeson ultimately decided not to commit a racially targeted murder, but did he expect applause for not coming to that conclusion?

Liam Neeson has clearly seen too many Liam Neeson movies.

2. Demi Lovato, because she was bullied off of Twitter for making the same jokes everyone was making.

Demi Lovato tweeted and deleted Twitter after getting backlash for liking memes about the plight of 21 Savage.

On Super Bowl Sunday, Atlanta rapper 21 Savage was arrested by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) for allegedly overstaying his visa, having been born in the UK.

The newly outed Brit now faces deportation, and it's a very serious situation, but people made memes to cope.

Lovato, however, as a famous person, was accused of heartless schadenfreude when she tweeted, "So far 21 savage memes have been my favorite part of the Super Bowl."

The pop star clarified that it's not 21 Savage's arrest that she find funny, but the fact that he's been secretly British this whole time.

Lovato shared on her Instagram story that the people who considered her insensitive very sensitively mobilized to call her a crackhead.

After the drama, she went and deleted her account.

RIP Demi Lovato's Twitter. We'll always have Instagram.

1. The cop jailed for using his cop databases to look up his Tinder dates.

And you thought that pretending not to have Facebook-stalked your date was awkward? Imagine running their names through a secure police database.

Australian police officer Adrian Trevor Moore pleaded guilty to 180 charges (!!!) of using his cop privileges to look into his dates' backgrounds.

ABC News (the Australian one) reports that "Moore was also fined $2,000 for possessing images of bestiality." I think they might have buried the lede here.

It's time to swipe left on invasions of privacy, and also human-on-animal porn.

Cardi B has had it up to here with Tomi Lahren aka Termy Lerman's neo-nazi Barbie nonsense.

Just a week ago, Lahren came for Cardi B on Twitter after the rapper suggested Trump supporters work for free during the government shut down to show their allegiance.

Lahren responded by insulting Cardi B's intelligence, and claiming the singer's endorsement is a bad look for Democrats.

Well, it didn't take long for Cardi B to put Tomato Lemon on notice with a warning.

Apparently, Cardi B's words didn't fully sink in, because Lahren tried the singer again when she smugly tweeted about rapper 21 Savage getting arrested by ICE. In a move proving herself the ultimate white woman nightmare, Lahren ad-libbed the lyrics to 21 Savage's "Bank Account" to communicate her MAGA dream.

This smug display of callousness towards possible deportation was NOT putting Lomein on Cardi B's good list. So, in a move of grace, the rapper issued one last warning, lest Lahren get dogwalked into oblivion.

This exchange has done nothing if not spark the imagination and hopes and dreams of people on Twitter everywhere. Imagining a fight between Hitler Bratz doll and Cardi B sounds like the ultimate modern American gladiator experience.

A lot of us are ready for the inevitable to happen sooner rather than later.

If anyone needs to get walked right about now, it's Tommy Layman.

Being a mom is really hard work. Treat yourself to a laugh with these ridiculously funny parenting memes.

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Humans first started using vaccines hundreds of years ago in order to stave off early death and improve public health. While there are numerous studies showing just how beneficial vaccines are for longevity, and protecting the masses from fatal infections, the past few years has seen a major growth in the anti-vaxxer movement.

The reasons parents choose to not vaccinate their children run the gamut, one widely held stance among anti-vaxxers is the idea that vaccines are inherently dangerous and harbor potential side effects far more dangerous than the diseases they fight.

Others have bought into the debunked myth that vaccines cause autism (which speaks volumes about stigma against ASD), also, some are so inclined towards natural or new age health routines that the concept of modern medicine is a dangerous affront.

While most personal beliefs are just that, a personal belief that largely affects your own life, being anti-vaxxer fully poses a public health risk. Because of this, people are often quick to call out anti-vaxxers for the harm they're causing their communities.

So, when a mom of five recently posted about how she doesn't need vaccines because she believes Jesus will protect her kids, a commenter was quick to flay her to shreds.

This burn was so good I'm pretty sure it sent the whole thread to heaven, or perhaps, more accurately to hell.

Because grown adults denying their kids access to life-saving medicine is a true marker of hell on earth.

Mornings are stressful, crazy, and pretty much the worst part of any day. Luckily, these hilarious memes are here to make you laugh.

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If you haven't cozied up with a hot beverage to watch the Fyre Fest documentaries on Hulu and Netflix, you're truly missing out. While both give viewers a different entry point into the fraudulent failed luxury music festival, both of them equally show how deep the mess was.

In one of the most pinnacle moments from Netflix's Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened, Fyre producer Andy King shared how the founder Billy McFarland asked if he'd give a blowjob to a man at customs in exchange for the release of clean drinking water.

Being a true team player, King went to customs fully prepared to give a blowjob in exchange for Evian. Luckily for him, and everyone else who needed water, his blowjob services were not required.

While he didn't end up performing the ultimate act in exchange for water, his stand out moment in the documentary immediately turned him into a viral meme.

King has been deemed the ultimate team player, and the ride or die friend that you need in your circle.

After reaching viral meme fame, King was interviewed by Netflix on Tuesday about the documentary. He revealed that he doesn't personally have social media, so a friend had to tip him off about the memes.

While he has a sense of humor about it, he laughed and shared that he doesn't want to be known as the Blowjob King forever. However, he plans to leverage this fifteen minutes of fame to funnel aid back towards the Bahamian workers who got screwed over by McFarland.

Last week, over $200,000 was raised for the Bahamian caterer Maryann Rolle who was stiffed on payment, and paid her staff out of her savings. Now, King is funneling his meme-fueled attention towards a new GoFundMe dedicated to paying back the Bahamian construction workers, which has a goal of $400,000.

While this is definitely the best possible use of his new found platform, it's still notable that King and the other well-off producers of the festival are putting the financial onus back on the public. Instead of pooling their money, the GoFundMes largely rely on the kindness of all of us who have seen the documentary. Still, it's crucial the Bahamian workers get paid, regardless of how.

If Warhol was alive, he'd build an entire show around King's truly bizarre fifteen minutes of fame. This is truly the stuff of modern art.

Having a crush has a fun way of bringing out both the best and worst in us. Nothing makes a human dumber than wanting to seem cool and smart for a romantic interest, and this Reddit thread of the dumbest ways people tried to impress a crush will make you feel both schadenfreude and second-hand embarassment.

1. talktotori is way too cool for him.

Learned how to rap Crack a Bottle by Eminem... when I showed him I could he only knew the clean version and I knew the actual dirty version.

2. GloomyTeddy's love is supersonic.

Ran into a busy road and picked up a hedgehog. Wasn't run over, but my hands stung for a week.

3. arbitrage75 suffered so we can laugh.

My sophomore year of HS, I asked a girl out on Valentine's Day by having red, pink and white carnations delivered to her homeroom. I walked by her homeroom, and my buddy gave me the negative headshake. Already disappointed, she came out and told me she had a boyfriend and asked me if understood. She kept on repeating "Do you understand?" repeatedly. In retrospect, I probably had the "deer in headlights" look on my face.

The worst part was that I was pretty confident about her saying yes and had told all my friends about it. The train ride home that afternoon was pure hell as my friends razzed me non-stop for the entire ride. In my defense, she had invited me to her birthday party a few weeks before and her boyfriend wasn't there and he wasn't brought up at all. So...yeah. To say I was gun-shy after that would be a major understatement.

4. OMG, brokendew. Dead.

Tried to razor scooter down the steepest hill around. Crashed into the back of a funeral hearse and shattered the back window. There was a body inside and the family was outside waiting to either go to the cemetery or take the coffin inside. I got up, covered in blood and glass, grabbed my scooter and hobbled away to the nearest alleyway.

5. Humblebee89 has a happy ending.

Not really dumb, but kinda funny to look back on now. I wasn't good at sports, but I was fairly quick, so i joined the track team to impress a girl. Turns out the girl wasn't impressed by runners, but I did end up going to state in the 100m dash and placing 2nd.

Edit: I also ended up getting a scholarship for track so it was sort of a win I guess. I just realized my entire school choice/career path has been a result of trying to impress a girl.

6. throwwawwayy66 might be shedding a few tears.

i lied and said i had experience in journalism (because i didn’t think we’d have anything except a brief encounter) when i’d actually only taken one class in college. our first date he took me with to report on a local clash between police and citizens and i got tear gassed and robbed

7. It doesn't get any bolder than CopperSmokeClayton.

Getting up from the bleachers to play PE dodgeball, i tried to pull my sweat pants off while yelling “LET’S DO THIS!”

Ended up yanking off everything, boxers and all.

8. MaxSmithSpaceman took the road less traveled.

I memorized the complete poetical works of Robert Frost.

9. thedudeabides98 is numero uno.

I intentionally threw multiple games of Uno to let a girl think she was amazing at the game.

10. C'est la vie, bdubbs09.

Signed up for a french class in high school because a girl I like was in one. Turns out she was into me too, but my dumbass signed up for French 1 when she was already in it and the following year she was in French 2 and I was sitting all alone in French 1 in a class I didnt care about.

11. DankneePhantom didn't find glee.

I tried out for an 8th grade school musical because a buddy of mine dared me. I got the lead role and then I spent four years of high school pretending I liked theatre. I just liked building stuff in stage crew :/

12. It's all downhill from there, etymologynerd.

Got into a downhill snowball fight while skiing at 30 mph... hit some ice and shattered my tibia.

13. Love is blind, AvsMama.

Well.... When I first got with my (now husband) I wanted a change so I dyed my hair jet black. I'm very, very white. I don't f*cking know why, but I used the boxed dye on my eyebrows too! I looked like a f*cking freak and I thought it was so cute and he'd love it. What the f*ck is wrong with me.

14. We're all morons, bresslol.

Did a backflip from a tree about 5 ft up. Landed it, but the ground was slippery, and I used my hands to catch me falling backwards, and broke my wrist.

10th grade me, you were a f*cking moron

15. ALWAYS LISTEN TO WOMEN, Mostlyamoron.

I've posted this before but still funny to me. Dating a gymnast in high school. We go to a park and I see parallel bars that are designed for stretching but I'm convinced I can do a handstand on them because I'm awesome. She keeps insisting they are too far apart but I don't listen. Attempt said handstand, they were indeed too far apart so I collapse down jamming my chest past my hands and strain/tear all the ligaments holding my chest muscles to my breastbone. Good times were not had later or for a long while after.

Maroon 5 is having a moment right now after their Superbowl halftime show was met with mixed reviews. While some people hated it, others kept their opinions to themselves, and I'm still searching for one person who will dare to say it was better than Lady Gaga's leap off the top of the stadium.

The highlight of the performance for a lot of people was when Levine took off his shirt on purpose, unlike the Superbowl malfunction that will go down in history between Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake. Men's nipples are totally chill for family programming, but women's nipples feed babies so they're very taboo. These are all pretty silly rules we made up, but while we're on nipples, one fan couldn't help but notice a hidden message in Levine's many tattoos.

Yes, the earth is melting and our country is divided, but sometimes it's nice to take a break and decode the tattoos of a pop star. When Terron Moore, Vice President and Editorial Director of MTV News, noticed that Levine's chest says, "bro," the internet had thoughts.

Terron even shamed himself for tweeting it:

But others were supportive of his theory:

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Others offered theories that his tattoos were for his daughter, Dusty Rose. This makes sense because it's close to his heart, and also there's a rose. It's way more fun though, to think his nipple is a letter...

This has been Someecards investigates: Whether Adam Levine has a "bro" tattoo. Join us next time for, "are his nipples the ones singing?"