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12 Problems You'll Only Understand If You Have Raynaud's Disease.

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February is Raynaud's Awareness Month. If you weren't aware already, Raynaud's Disease is a rare disorder that causes the blood vessels to constrict when cold, usually in the fingers and toes. The condition can cause your extremities to turn white, then blue, in low temperatures. Then when the blood returns, you may experience a throbbing or tingling sensation.

If this sounds familiar, you may have Raynaud's Disease. Though rarely dangerous, the condition can be really uncomfortable and annoying. But you're not alone! Millions of people are affected by the disorder including the writer of this very blog.

Here are twelve problems you'll only understand if you, too, have fingers or toes that turn into icicles anytime the temperature dips below 60 degrees:

12.) You don't need nail polish!

At least not during the winter season. Your fingers and nails turn bright colors due to lack of circulation.

This disease will save you tons of $$ on manicures.

11.) You may technically have ten fingers, but if the temperature is below freezing, you can only expect to use about half of them.

10.) When it's cold, your feet might look like something straight out of a morgue.

9.) Feeling stressed? Say goodbye to use of your hands and toes!

Raynauds is caused by stress as well as cold.

8.) You can't escape the cold, even in your sleep.

🎶 Ain't no blanket warm enough to keep Raynaud's from getting to you 🎶

7.) You always have an excuse to get coffee.

You drink coffee for the warmth. Caffeine is just a bonus.

6.) The condition is even worse if you're breastfeeding.

Raynaud's can also affect your nipples, causing "excruciating pain" for some breastfeeding moms.

As if they don't already have enough pain to deal with!

5.) Sometimes your fingers get so cold that you can't activate your phone or laptop keyboard until they warm up.

No scrolling?! Talk about a NIGHTMARE.

4) Electric hand dryers are your best friend.

People think it's weird you spend so much time in the bathroom but you're just trying to revive your limbs.

3) You actually enjoy washing dishes just because the hot water can help you get your fingers back.

You make a great dinner guest!

2) But even when your fingers come back, you might not be able to use them.

They might be red or purple, or multi-colored. They may burn or tingle or just dangle there uselessly.

On the bright side, at least they aren't blue anymore!

1) All winter long, you and your fingers and toes can't wait for summer.

Don't give up hope, fellow sufferers. Today we may have useless icicle-fingers and ice cubes for toes. But one day, hopefully, we'll have working fingers and toes again.

Blue fingers crossed.


17 people share horror stories about moments they almost died. Dogs save lives.

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Being alive is honestly terrifying.

At any moment, everything we've worked for and everyone we've known could disappear forever and there's no way we can prepare for it, predict it or even fully grasp it. Some people like to adopt the "live every moment as if it's your last" mentality, but if we all truly lived that way, nobody would ever go to work again. While we try to find a balance of enjoying life and being responsible, every once in awhile we're reminded of just how precious this delicate balance actually is.

So when a recent Reddit user asked, "What's your scariest, 'a second later I could've died moment?" the internet delivered. Get ready to appreciate every breath, life is a fleeting, beautiful nightmare.

1.This is lucky, "ethanlan."

Outside my college dorm my freshman year there was this "stoop" that was half under the building, half out from under it. The building was 18 stories tall.

So I'm sitting out there sitting on the steps (not under the building) and I get up for no real reason and walk under the building. As soon as I get under the building, a huge sheet of glass falls right where I was sitting. Some idiots where messing around on the 11th floor and knocked a 10x9 window pane out of its mooring.

2. Oh no, you could've had anything! "Acridid12."

I was walking into a Miller's Outpost (tells you the time period) and the 'M' from the sign above the store fell down and hit me on the shoulder. It was a big glass sign. One moment sooner and it hits my head. Because it drew blood, the store offered to give me any item I wanted so I wouldn't sue. I chose an awful red cardigan. I was 16 and dumb.

3. Moral of the story: fight with your friends, "kimb0q."

My friend and I were taking an elevator down to the cafeteria in our dorm in college. For some reason, we were arguing about something when the doors opened, so we hung back for a second.

Then the elevator dropped two floors with the doors open.

I still hate getting in/out of elevators and I do a weird running start every time.

4. Ahhh, "LongJohnColt."

Basically I got t-boned by a van while riding my bicycle. Missed me by a couple inches, destroyed the back of the bike, and threw me into traffic.

5. Yikes, "janearcade."

About 30 years ago my family and I were driving up to Jasper, Alberta in the winter. There was a slow car in front of us, and an impatient one behind us who kept trying to pass. Eventually the car behind us did pass, on a blind corner and hit a logging truck head on. The slow car in front of us was also hit, but my dad managed to put us in the shoulder and not in the collision.

This was way before mobile phones, or anything like that. So I remember my dad and my older brother getting out and going over the other cars and talking with the truck driver. It was this indescribable moment of total silence, and freezing cold, and disbelief until the authorities came (quite a bit later). I remember sitting in the backseat with my younger brothers wondering what the hell just happened.

6. This is a horror show, "NightSkye0174."

My family and I were driving down the highway when we see a STOPPED SUV IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY WITH A FAMILY OF 6 INSIDE and the car in front of us didn’t get out of the way until the last second

7. Praise be, hangovers, "billbixbyakahulk."

Had a bad hangover and was kind of nervous/jittery, which in turn made me extra watchful. I was driving home, light turned green and I started to go. Car going about 45 in crowded city traffic gives no fucks and goes right through the red. I slammed on the brakes and felt my anti-lock brakes engage for the first time in I don't know how long. Guy missed me by inches. Didn't even slow down.

Had I not been hungover I doubt I would have given the cross traffic that second look to see him barreling toward me. He likely would have t-boned me right in the driver's door.

8. This is terrifying, "I-DildoSwaggin."

I worked at a private gun range for almost a decade and had one encounter where I could have nearly gotten killed.

I was in what we called a trap house (a little bunker that holds a machine that throws clay targets for people to shoot). When we go into said bunker, we put a giant traffic cone on top of it that basically tells people "There's someone in there, keep your shotguns at your side unloaded and wait for them to exit"

One day I was fixing some issues with a machine and was about to exit. I realized I left my bowl on the back shelf and stepped back and grabbed it. The second I did, I hear a shell go off and the cone on top of the house gets obliterated and falls in front of me. Turns out one of our members had his daughter there and was teaching her how to trap shoot. He didn't realize she loaded a shell when he was teaching her how to aim (irrelevant cause his gun shouldn't have been pointed downrange). He lost his membership over that incident.

9. Oh my god, "pabloalvsuarez."

When I was 5 or 6, we were on holidays in Australia. My mother took me to a beach that is known because it’s safe thanks to a net system that doesn’t let the sharks in. Well when we arrive the beach was empty, what was kinda strange, but we continue to have a beach day and we had a bath. My mother even swam from one point to another. After that, we were going to the car, and some authority saw us. They told us to not enter the beach, because a family of alligators had entered in the water, and it was really dangerous.

10. When S'mores are lifesavers, "Blackspider1111."

Dont think I would have died, but to change things up from car related incidents, I once left a lighter near a fire pit by mistake and I was near it roasting marshmallows. I had to go inside to grab chocolate and I came back out and just as I was walking back to the fire pit the lighter exploded.

11. This is terrifying, "CaptainLyoner."

A second doesn't really apply to my story, but about an hour does. When I was in second grade my appendix swole up and burst. I had severe pain for weeks while the doctors tried to figure out what was wrong. After staying at the hospital for some time, they suddenly said they needed to operate. They had finally figured out what was wrong and had to basically clean out my insides. Since it had burst quite some time ago, I was in a pretty critical state. If they hadn't realized soon after they did, I wouldn't be here.

12. Dogs are heros, "EddieSpoon."

Not me but my brother (no, really). He had a hard time in college; didn’t like his major but didn’t have any other ideas, had a hard time being motivated to attend class, etc. The final straw was when he ended a semester and was trying to get ready for the next semester: he was dropped by the scholarship that was paying his tuition for not making above a 3.5. He tried to hang himself in his closet one day. He told me right after in hysterics. He said he started blacking out and his head was fuzzy when his dog (half pit/half Australian cattle dog) positioned herself under him, barking and released the tension on his neck. He got out of it and called me. He doesn’t like to talk about it because it was really traumatic and (he said) embarrassing (because of the stigma in our community). But he told me a few times that the instant he started blacking out he regretted it and didn’t want to die. When he called me, I had a grown man crying and saying, “it was so scary! I was so scared!” Needless to say: the dog is highly regarded now. Lol (If you’re in a hopeless situation—get help. Seriously. Make a call. Fuck what people say or think. I fucking love you >:D LIVE ASSHOLE!)

13. Damn, "Booms777."

On 16th December 2004 I was with a friend having a beer in a bar on the Koh san Rd in Bangkok, Thailand. It was the last week of my bumming round the world and we had a decision to make.

Do we go home for Christmas or spend it on the beach in Phuket. Neither of us had been to Phuket and we thought it would be an awesome end to living out of a back pack for the last 18 months but on the other hand Christmas at home with the family was also appealing.

So we flipped a coin and went home to the UK.

Flipping that coin a second earlier or later could have sent us into the path of the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami.

14. Another win for dogs, "redsetded."

I don’t know if I would’ve died, but when I was very small I woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling like the dog was missing. I woke up everyone in the house and we went looking for the dog. Somehow we were all outside when a Molotov cocktail was thrown into the neighbor’s house and their house exploded setting only one room in our house on fire—mine and my sister’s. If I hadn’t had everyone frantically searching for the dog, who knows what would’ve happened. The dog must have known something was up, too because she had gotten out of the house and was hiding under a porch across the street.

15. Horses are psychic, "coastal_vocals."

I was about 9 or 10, and riding a horse for the first time on a trail ride. My horse suddenly pricked its ears and went a little faster, and a tree fell across the trail directly behind us.

16. Nope nope nope, "mamabeariguess."

When I was about 9 or 10, I was in the basement helping my grandma do laundry. She had a big braided rug on the floor and I was bouncing all over the place. I was wearing socks and jumping on and off the rug.

She bends over to get something out of the drier and reaches across the rug to grab something. I realize what she’s reaching for is a snake, just inches between the two of us. I yell at her to STOP, we both scream and the snake quickly takes on an aggressive posture.

I run outside and grab a broom and my grandma starts beating the poor thing to death with it. Grandpa hears the commotion and rushes downstairs and delivers the fatal blow. Turns out that little nope noodle that snuck into the house was a venomous copperhead.

17. Wow, this is f*cking beautiful, "yenrab23."

This is a sweet memory: My girlfriend at the time and I were walking on a semi-rural road in Santa Cruz County around 1993 or so. We stopped for a second and kissed. In that moment a car went careening off the road just a few feet in front of us. Had we not stopped for that kiss we would have been directly in its path.

Be careful out there, everyone!

Exhausted mom hilariously calls out her sleeping husband in viral poem.

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No matter how you slice it, being a parent isn't easy. While a lot of couples divide up tasks to attempt to make the parenting load equal, in a lot of straight couples the woman ends up doing the lion's share. In part, this is because of deeply imbedded societal expectations, but also, mothers who breastfeed have obvious forces drawing them towards more baby duties.

Sleep schedules (or lack thereof) is one of the biggest ways the labor inequities between mothers and fathers manifest. In many cases, mothers are expected to get up through out the night to feed and soothe children while the father is able to sleep. While obviously, there's not much dads can do in cases of breastfeeding, when it comes to bottle feeding or general soothing, dads can always step it up.

Since some frustrations are best summed up in poem form, the exhausted mother Caroline Olling Andersen wrote a detailed rhyme dedicated to her sleeping husband. Due to its relatable nature, it quickly went viral.

My latest 4am poem titled “Daddy’s Asleep” I love your daddy, I really do, After all, without daddy, I wouldn’t have...

Posted by Caroline Olling Andersen on Friday, February 1, 2019

She wrote:

"My latest 4am poem titled “Daddy’s Asleep”

I love your daddy, I really do,
After all, without daddy, I wouldn’t have you.
But from midnight till sunrise, it’s just you and I.
And as each hour passes, I’m not gonna lie:
Mommy’s love slowly fades, becomes angry and weak,
Because no matter what, your dad is f***ing asleep!"

"It all starts out lovely. We kiss each other goodnight.
We look lovingly down at you dear, such a beautiful sight.
An hour later, mommy wakes with a start.
You’re twisting and turning, you’re starting to fart.
You’re gesturing for food. Mommy is there
with a bottle or breast
Daddy is snoring away, the way he knows best."

"Mommy burps you, and holds you and rocks you with care.
You spew foul smelling yogurt on mommy’s freshly washed hair.
As mommy changes her shirt, and mops vomit off the floor.
Your daddy farts, rolls over and continues to snore."

"Mommy’s maternal alarm goes off, it’s not even three!
You’re stirring again, you’re hungry and staring at me!
“I think she is hungry” your daddy offers, pulls duvet over his head,
Mommy sends him a death stare and rolls out of bed.
Mommy comes back, tired and drained and what is this I see?
Your daddy has taken over my side, doesn’t give a f*** about me!"

"Mommy kicks him and pushes him angrily away.
“What’s up love?” He moans in a lovingly way.
Your daddy has no clue he is under attack.
He wraps his arms around me and kisses my back.
And just as my love for daddy is back on the rise,
You start to coo in your crib and open your eyes.
And daddy gently nudges me to attend to your need.
I give him the finger as I prepare for a feed."

"But as the sun starts rising, the slate is wiped clear.
I’m back to full love for your daddy and for you my dear.
I forget that daddy sleeps while you cry and you poo.
It’s back to kissing and hugging and doting on you."

"Soon you’ll grow up and be daddy’s little girl.
You’ll not remember me cleaning up shit and vomit hurl.
Whilst you sit on his lap and he sings you a song,
You’ll love him and think daddy could do nothing wrong.
But my sweet love, here is a poem for you to keep,
So you know that all those long nights, dad was f***ing asleep!"

The ballad dedicated to motherhood-induced insomnia was quickly shared over 16,000 times, and inspired Olling Andersen to start her very own Mommy Poet Facebook page for future midnight musings.

Since the poem went viral, Olling Andersen has received equal parts support and backlash, with some claiming she comes across too angry and others shaming her husband.

Rather than engaging in an argumentative manner, Olling Andersen made a gracious post in response to the criticisms, where she apologized for her past judgments on other parents.

A few online articles have recently come out on the “Daddy’s Asleep” Poem. Against my husbands recommendation, I’ve...

Posted by The Mommy Poet on Monday, February 18, 2019

"A few online articles have recently come out on the “Daddy’s Asleep” Poem.
Against my husbands recommendation, I’ve scrolled through comments - and holy badoly ...people have opinions.
There are comments shaming my husband, comments shaming me... comments where I was like “why are you so angry at me, dear stranger. What part of my “meant to be funny” poem made you so upset?”"

"But I’m not going to play a saint. I too have been an angry post commentator, and the mommy/daddy shaming business is something we’ve all been guilty of at one point or another.
When I was pregnant, my husband and I could spend hours talking about how we would raise our child, and all the things we most DEFINITELY would not do. We had it all figured out!
10 weeks into parenthood, and we will gladly throw all our pre-parenting principles down the drain, stick a pacifier in her face and plonk her in front of “baby sensory tv” if it means just 15 min of freedom to have a cup of coffee and a pee."

"So, I would like to officially make an apology for all the pre-mom me judgements I’ve made throughout the years:

1. I’m sorry for sending a death stare to the woman with the screaming baby on the flight, hating her for ruining my plane movie experience. Or mentally rolling my eyes at the screaming toddler in the coffee shop, willing the mother to get it under control or even better, leave."

"2. I’m sorry for judging the new moms who don’t leave their house, and for judging those that leave the house but are around me so I have to listen to their child.

3. I’m sorry for judging the stay at home mothers, wondering what they do all day, and judging the mothers with nannies, thinking that surely that’s an unnecessary amount of hands to look after one baby and a small apartment. I now understand the saying “it takes a village to raise a child”.

4. I’m sorry for judging younger mothers for being too young and older mothers for being too old. Judging career women for taking too long to prioritise pregnancy and stay at home moms for not prioritising careers."

"5. I’m sorry for judging the parents who use an iPad to calm down toddlers, and wondering how someone wouldn’t have time to shower (babies sleep all the time right?) or tidy their house.

6. I’m sorry for judging women who don’t breastfeed, and women who breastfeed for a long time.

7. I’m sorry for judging the parents who don’t stay on the routine as per the books, and for thinking that you can just follow the books for perfect parenting."

"8. I’m sorry for judging the women who don’t get their pre pregnancy bodies back within a few months. And I’m sorry for hating on those that get them back within a few weeks.

I’m NOT sorry to the parents who brings their infant to a late night screening of a loud thriller movie and said infant then spends entire movie screaming. Or the parents who don’t put seatbelts on their children. That’s just plain stupid and I will never stop judging you."

"But to the rest of you, I’m very sorry for all the judgement. You’re doing a good job!
I salute you my fellow mothers... and of course, I also salute all you fabulous fathers!"

It's always nice to see a parent keeping it honest about the struggles of the job without going into combat mode, whether it's through a playful poem or an honest post about judging others.

23 Memes Men Probably Won't Find Funny.

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These ridiculously funny memes will be relatable AF to women everywhere. The struggle is real, and so are the laughs in this hilarious meme list.

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18 multilingual people share the times they caught people talking sh*t. Como se dice ‘busted’?

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In the right situations, speaking multiple languages can transform you into a spy of sorts. Since people make assumptions about what languages others speak based on their skin color or location, it's easy to play ignorant and get intel on seemingly private conversations. This skill naturally makes for some interesting stories.

In a recent Reddit thread, multilingual people shared the times they've overheard conversations, and the results range from heartwarming to downright depressing.

1. eureka123's great aunt told a butcher off.

"Well my great aunt told a story of how she once went into a butcher shop. When she walked in, the butcher was talking with a customer in Russian (which she spoke).

The butcher saw my great aunt walk in and told the costumer (in Russian) that he'd take care of this "old hag," and then continue the conversation."

"So my great aunt (in English) asked for pounds and pounds of cold cuts, all sliced and wrapped. When it was all ready, she told him (in Russian), to "shove it up your ass," and walked out.

God i loved that woman."

2. P35-HiPowe's best friend shut down some sexists.

"My late best friend, who was big tall and blond, was in Tim Hortons.......he speaks fairly fluent Arabic, having spent 7 years working in Saudi Arabia. Three Arabic men were sitting at a table making very lewd comments about the women in the shop. My buddy turned to them and said in Arabic; "You need to shut up before someone kicks your ass.........you never know who is listening"

They got very confused, and left soon after."

3. coffee-coffee_coffee joined in a game of I Spy.

"I was on the subway in NYC a few months ago when a family sitting across from me was playing I Spy in Hebrew with their kids. The parents went around describing each person they saw on the train, so when they got to me I decided to play along. I looked up from my book, made a funny face, and covered my face with the book before the kids could find me. The parents started laughing and said to their kids: “I spy someone who understands us!”

"The parents and I shared a good laugh about it while their kids got really excited that someone else spoke Hebrew. They never figured out who it was, but it made my commute a lot more fun!"

4. kosmor learned a little too much at the hospital.

"I've said this before. It happened a while ago. I went to a psychiatric emergency ward once and asked for help and if they were comfortable to speak English. I understand Danish but have a hard time making myself understandable in it and didn't really feel like an idiot at a crucial time of my life.

I stayed there for 4 days without anyone realising I knew what they were saying about me right in front of me."

"2 of the nurses thought I was cute.

1 doctor thought I was lying all the time.

A patient thought I was a spy for the staff.

A lot happened in those 4 days

It made my stay way more enjoyable then it should have been."

5. bksbeat was able to call out scammers.

"I lived in Riga for a short while and went out almost every Friday to meet girls. Riga has a lot of visitors from UK and I've spent a chunk of my time in US, so I generally speak English in the center. I feel more comfortable using it. However, I also speak Russian perfectly well."

"So I'm drinking a beer in a bar and all of a sudden some cute Russian girl comes up to me and starts speaking English to me. She invited me for a beer with her and her friend. I didn't really have anything else going for me that night, so I agreed.

What followed is an hour of them trying to make me buy them a Dom Perignon bottle and some really dirty talking about what one of them would do to me if I agreed.They also talked to the bartender (who knows me fairly well) how they're gonna rip me off big time and that I'm a foreign idiot."

"I ended up buying them 4 beers total out of decency. It was a lot of fun for a while, I'll give them that. Eventually I got really tired of it all + my friend hit me up, so I just switched to Russian, thanked them for a nice evening and left.

Their faces were red from embarrassment and anger. Oh well. Don't scam people."

6. GodsGift420's avoided a shady business deal.

"My dad grew up in Egypt and now travels the world for Dole (the fruit company). Once he was in Morocco at a plant who were possible suppliers and they tried to deceive him. They showed him the safety guidelines that were written in Arabic, but were describing different standards in English. My dad doesn’t look like a typical middle easterner and has a very non-descript accent, so they thought they could fleece him. After the dude was done talk my dad says “that’s not what it says” and the guy says “what do you mean”. My dad repeats the statement but in Arabic. The guy apparently dropped his jaw and all he could say was “you speak Arabic?”

Needless to say that Moroccan plant did not get the gig."

7. Booper3's neighbors called out some xenophobes.

"My neighbors went on holiday with her sister's family in Spain. The sister can speak fluent Spanish (they're Irish). Apparently a tour guide in Spain started talking about them refering to them as "those English sluts" . They were never ones to let anything slide so an argument broke out very quickly."

8. arlondiluthel stood up for a friend.

"I'm an extremely white American man. I was stationed in Korea, and a buddy and I went into a store that was slightly "off the beaten path". My buddy was in a different section of the store and found something he liked. He asked the shop keep how much it was, the shop keep said, in Korean "well, you're an American, so $65" (translation and currency exchange provided for ease of reference). I looked over, and saw a sign on the wall that said the exact item he wanted was $40. I approached the shop keep and asked him, in Korean, how much it cost, to which he replied $40. So I responded, in Korean, "Why are you charging him $65?". He got rather embarrassed and apologetic, offered to sell the item for $35, and gave us each a soft drink for free."

9. h4k01n's partner shut down guys laughing at her.

"My SO is a tattoo artist who can speak Bulgarian, Turkish, English and German. One day we were queueing in the supermarket and two guys behind us were laughing and snickering. She turned around and said something to them. Afterwards she was laughing while one of the guys went bright red."

"Afterwards I asked her what that was about. The guys were like "look at her arm. Those tattoos. Disgusting. How can you tattoo a naked woman on yourself?" In Turkish. My SO turned around and said "thanks bro". St first the guy asked her to repeat because he didn't even register that she could be speaking Turkish and assumed he misheard English. That's when she said "for the tattoo opinion"."

"It was funny from there. The guy apologized and said he has never felt so much shame in his life. His friend was saying at least buy them (my SO and I) some beers. This was in a small town outside of Dublin city, so I can understand why they didn't think there would be any Turkish speakers around."

10. candiice_xo's husband saved them a few bucks on tacos.

"I’ve posted this before but I’ll post it again.

My husband is the bilingual one, not me. He’s from Colombia so he speaks Spanish fluently, but grew up in the U.S and has been here most of his life. He also has a really fair complexion. Most people think he’s just Caucasian. Anyway, we were in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico looking for a place to eat. We get to a restaurant and he asks in English how much it would cost for all you can eat tacos. The guy at the door said it’s $15. His friend next to him said to the guy in Spanish, “I thought it’s $12?” And the first guy responded, “Yeah, but they don’t know that.” My husband of course understood everything. He told them in Spanish that they’re lying rip offs and we’d be going somewhere else. The guy’s expression was priceless."

11. Gene_R's brother learned a lesson while shopping.

"Inverse. A long time ago, my brother had a habit of making remarks about people in Spanish whenever he got annoyed, frustrated, or just wanted to make fun of someone (kinda like a gossiping school girl). I told him it wasn't cool, not because he shouldn't be talking Spanish in public, but that he shouldn't be using it in such an underhanded way."

"If he had a grievance that he needed to get off his chest, he should tell them in a language they are likely to understand where we live -- English. He kept doing it anyway. One time, we were leaving a major retailer and the store greeter asked to see his receipt before he could exit with the bagged merchandise in the cart. He had a hard time finding where he put his receipt and he got frustrated."

"He switched to Spanish and said some variety of "this old bitch" and the store greeter immediately called him out on it in Spanish. He was like a deer caught in the headlights. I was so happy she did it. He made a weak attempt at re-asserting his right to be frustrated at the situation, but you could see he was very embarrassed at having been caught talking trash in Spanish. I love my brother, but I'm glad he stopped doing that soon after."

12. veekay45 had a very sweet moment on the train.

"When I was doing my exchange studies in China (native Russian), I was riding a subway in Shanghai. At one of the stops a mother and her daughter sat beside me. The daughter was maybe 4 or 5 and she wouldn't stop looking at me, then without turning her head she started asking her mom "Mommy why is mister so strange? Why is his hair strange?" and so on. I didn't react as if I didn't speak Chinese, and the mother patiently told her daughter "Mister isn't strange, he's just a foreigner, they look different". I thought it was really sweet so I started talking to both of them in Chinese. They were very nice and I hope they're doing great now."

13. FireShepherd29 saw their mom model how to break up some judgment.

"I live in Austria, but my Dad is from Brazil, all my Austrian aunts and uncles married a brazilian. My grandparents from my mothers side opened and lead a factory of our family company in Brazil, that's why everyone was there, but some eventually came back to Austria, just like my mom with my dad. Me and my siblings were raised multilingual but lived most of our live in Austria."

"So once when I was around 10 my Mom and me were on a tram in Vienna with my little brother, who was around 2 at the time, in a stroller and he starts crying, really loudly. Then one brazilian lady starts speaking really loudly and in an obnoxious tone something in the lines of: "Well, these European folks don't know how to treat their children with love, how can someone be so cold and unaffectionate to a child as to let them scream without taking them out of the stroller and holding them?"

"(We were standing btw, there was no seat big enough at the time where we could leave the stroller) Sooo, I was getting worried we were doing something wrong, I wanted to comfort my brother and get him out, but my Mom stopped me and really loudly said in portuguese: "Leave him, it is too dangerous to take him out of the stroller while we are standing here and the tram is moving"

"You could see the womens face go from red, to white and back to red, get up and get out so fast at the next exit that we just started laughing and my brother ultimately calmed down.

Not really exciting, but I find it funny when I think back."

14. kakinapotiti had the ultimate clap-back.

"I am Greek but study in Belgium. Greeks are notorious for talking about people loudly when abroad. The language is rare enough that most people including myself usually feel comfortable doing that. Only problem with that logic is, there are so many of us around the world, it's generally not a good idea."

"So I get on the tram one day and there's this woman (30s) sitting across from me who says to her friend very loudly and in greek: "What is that supposed to be, a boy or a girl?" (Context for non Greeks: we have a third, neutral gender that we use for objects, animals, or when talking about someone in a very rude and derogatory way. That is what she used, and in a very mocking tone as well). So I very calmly validated my ticket, and as I was walking away I reply, also in greek. "It's a girl. And it speaks greek as well."

"Her face was hilarious. She just made a mortified "Ah" sound and didn't utter another word until she got off a few stops later. I love this story, but it kind of terrifies me as well. I avoid talking about other people, but I do tend to have very personal conversations with my greek friends in public places, confident that nobody understands, even after being myself proof that it's not very safe."

15. orionova89 had the last word in their marriage.

"My former in-laws speak Italian. I went into the marriage not knowing Italian, but I picked it up pretty well. My MIL had a bad habit of talking to her family in Italian while I was sitting right there. Every one of them spoke English, so it wasn't as if she had to speak it to be understood."

"I put up with it, and it became interesting to hear what she had to say about me to the family while I was there. I got out of the marriage due mostly to her son's treatment of me, but her actions didn't help. So one day she calls me. She is going on about me being a terrible wife and mother. So I remark "you know, I actually understand Italian. I understood everything you said about me when you thought I didn't know." She went quiet and cut the call short. It was wonderful."

16. rekipsj got to know their aunt-in-law in the worst way.

"My wife is Indian and her family speaks Gujarati. I've spent many years trying to pick it up and have found it to be very difficult as there are no great resources that I am aware of to learn it. You just have to listen and try to guess the context. Anyway, over the years I've gotten pretty good, and when my wife's aunt was visiting from Indian she went right in to my wife about how much weight I'd gained and how bad my diet must be. I understood every word and stopped her about two minutes into her rant. Turns out it didn't stop her from continuing."

17. PrettyInteraction62 thoroughly humiliated some gross dudes.

"I'm Irish and I'm studying in Spain at the moment. I was in a restaurant the other day with my friend and there was a group of 3 or 4 English guys beside us. My friend and I were speaking in French, so they must have assumed we were French or didn't understand English. They started shouting about how sexy my friend and I were and how I have better tits and she has a better ass. I think they were deliberately using a lot of slang in the hopes that even if we did speak English, we wouldn't know English slang (I do, because I have an English housemate)."

"My friend doesn't speak much English, but I told her what they were saying and started loudly talking (in English) about how there are a lot of English speakers in this city and people should watch what they're saying because they never know who can understand them. They went completely silent and beetroot red. Fucking idiots! Why they would assume that nobody in this city can speak English is beyond me. It's a university town with a high international population!"

18. petitelouloutte learned to temper their dinner conversation the hard way.

"Mine was also in New York, and I was the idiot in the story. I was eating at a restaurant explaining in French to my boyfriend that I was upset about how "cocksucker" was translated into french in the show we were watching (Deadwood). The translation used was "fils de pute" which means "son of a bitch" and obviously that's not the same thing. Anyway, the table next to us started cracking up and I felt pretty sheepish when I realized they understood what I was saying, especially since the literal translation of cocksucker in French is pretty damn vulgar, which is the whole reason it wasn't translated that way in the first place."

25 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You're Married.

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You and your spouse may not see eye to eye on which way the toilet paper roll should hang, but you will definitely agree that these marriagememes are friggin' hilarious. ​

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15 people share their most irrational childhood fears. Watch our for quicksand.

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Whether you were afraid of the dark , the boogeyman, or both as a child, there's probably a good chance you also had a very specific, unique fear that kept you up at night. For example, I was afraid that the character of E.T. that I saw in my coloring books would come to life at night and eat me. Very chill.

Now that you're older you've probably discovered real things to be afraid of, like taxes and men at bars. But it's fun to think back on what irrational things used to scare you back in the day. Ah, simpler times!

Twitter user @DanaSchwartzzz shared what she was most afraid of as a kid and asked her followers to play along. The results were terrifyingly hilarious.

1. @erica_rosie was not ready for the invention of cloning.

2. @MaddiB_ was not a fan of friendly ghosts.

3. @jeffvandermeer had a bleak outlook on things.

4. @funnygirljax took matters into her own hands.

5. This is v specific, @male_hawkeye .

6. @alinthearchives had to take the stairs.

7. @GabeCripe must have spent a lot of times at crosswalks.

8. Are you okay, @GianmarcoSoresi ?

9. @WriterKirt had an A+ teacher.

10. @racheleklein knew how to evade a witch.

11. @Gingerhazing was on the lookout for a Cruella Deville.

12. @derekjlawrence was a boy without a ploy.

13. @tswimmer11 was a victim of the era of quicksand in cartoons.

14. @JellicleKitten's amount of anxiety is v relatable.

15. @LCLuckiest and I had a lot in common.

Billy Ray Cryus is being called out for flaunting his white privilege with pic of his drug stash.

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Billy Ray Cyrus got an earful from critics after he tweeted a photo of his wife next to what appears to be a shit ton of marijuana. Casual.

People weren't upset about the content of the photo, but rather the context. Seeing as Cyrus is a white, wealthy, famous man, he is able to post this photo without consequence. People were quick to point out the double standard here, and how people of color are serving time in jail for marijuana possession at this very moment.

The argument here is that Billy Ray Cryus is only able to flaunt this pic on the internet because he has white privilege. Or, to put it in laymen's terms: Yo, Billy Ray...your white privilege is showing, bro.

Like, we get it Billy, you're chill as hell and not like the other dads. You're a cool dad.


21 people share their weirdest eating habits from childhood. Green bean water, anyone?

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A fun thread kicked off by NPR's Sam Sanders had people sharing their strangest childhood eating habits, and they sound pretty delicious.

Kids (and Liz Lemons) eat the darndest things.

The culinary masterpieces sound like stoned innovations by stoners, which makes you wonder—*hits blunt*—what is getting high but a retreat to childhood, man?

Prepare to be entertained—and confusingly hungry.

1. Sanders kicked it off with a glimpse at his brother's butter tradition.

2. This one's feral.

3. If you can Cheez-it, you can do it.

4. That's just bread, dude.

5. Gross.

6. I'd donate to this Kickstarter.

7. Sounds zen.

8. The original Vitamin Water.

9. A different color pen meant a different flavor.

10. Not all Brits are posh.

11. Pool chips = pee chips.

12. Weird appendix, but ok.

13. This is as stoner-y as it gets.

14. This one gets under the skin.

15. I'll have a shot of bean water, please.

16. Sweet.

17. He's ready for the apocalypse.

18. Pass the pasta water.

19. Ladylike.

20. Crushing it.

21. Extreme instant soup.

27 Utterly Random Memes Everyone Should Laugh At This Morning.

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Yay, another hellish weekday morning! These randomly hilarious memes will give you a reason to laugh, even though it's technically way too early for joy.

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Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson broke up after rumors he cheated with Kylie’s BFF. RIP Twitter.

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In case you've been sleeping under a very peaceful rock, far away from Instagram and Twitter, you should know that Tristan Thompson and Khloe Kardashian have officially broken up.

While the couple has managed to stick together after a very rough patch, aka Thompson cheating on Khloe right before she gave birth to True, it appears this breakup is final and forever.

The latest and final break up is coming on the heels of news that Thompson allegedly cheated on Khloe with Jordyn Woods, Kylie Jenner's BFF since childhood.

The Instagram account Hollywood Unlocked shared one of their writers was at Thompson's house for a gathering this weekend and witnessed the NBA player cozying up with Woods. The account posted a video detailing the whole ordeal, and how Thompson removed everyone's phones at his house before cozying up with Woods.

While Woods herself has yet to weigh in on the speculation, both Khoe and her BFF Malika Haqq commented on the video, confirming it from their end.

Shortly after the rumors hit the internet, Thompson tweeted that it was fake news but quickly removed his tweet.

Following the breakup, Khloe's Instagram presence has been pretty cryptic beyond her comments on the Hollywood Unlocked video.

She also posted a handful of sad but vague Instagram stories that seem to be reacting to the situation.

One of them seems to overtly reference how Woods has been a friend of the family long enough to be family, and so, if the rumors are true this is a full-on betrayal.

These are the Instagram stories of someone going through it.

She even posted a story apologizing for the times she may have been the toxic one at play.

At the time of writing this, neither Woods or Kylie have weighed in on the situation. However, the rest of the internet has naturally decided to. Some people are eager to swoop in and replace Woods as a Kardashian family friend, while others feel schadenfreude due to Khloe's past dating patterns.

It seems like there is a lot yet to unfold with this whole messy and painful situation, hopefully, Khloe is still able to get some space from all the noise.

Cardi B claps back at a fan who claimed lasering her pubes 'won’t stop Offset from cheating.'

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Whether or not you enjoy listening to her music, we can all agree that Cardi B is one of the most fascinating people currently roaming the planet, as she keeps us posted on every thought that runs through her head, be it about the latest government shutdown or her freshly "lasered vagina."

The website BallerAlert shared a video of Cardi and the father of her daughter, Offset, in the waiting room as Cardi prepared to get her pubes zapped off.

Offset, with the chill demeanor of a man who isn't expected by society to get his pubes laughed off, enjoyed some pizza and the thought of Cardi "all smooth."

View this post on Instagram

#Cardib and #Offset 😩😂😮

A post shared by Baller Alert (@balleralert) on

Offset and Cardi split in December after TMZ reported that O-set had been cheating.

While a fan commented on BallerAlert's video hoping to tell Cardi that not even a freshly smooth vagina will stop a cheater from cheating, she probably didn't expect the rapper herself to clap back.

Cardi explained that her choice to have her vagina be forever hairless isn't about men, it's about her vagina.

star wars GIF
Cardi getting her pubes zapped like...

"I just think is not going to make me feel like I have a mink coat down there nothing to do with a man Goddamn!" she replied.

You're so vain, you probably think Cardi B getting hair permanently zapped from her vagina is about Offset.

Lady Gaga splits from fiance and the Bradley Cooper romance rumors are born.

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Roughly four months after announcing their engagement, Lady Gaga and her ex-fiance Christian Carino have officially ended their relationship.

In a statement to People, Gaga's rep shared "It just didn’t work out. Relationships sometimes end,” before adding that the pair technically split “a bit ago.” “There’s no long dramatic story," they said.

While the rep didn't explicitly say when Carino and Gaga went their separate ways, fans started speculating about the split following the Grammys on February 10th, because the singer was no longer wearing her engagement ring.

These breakup speculations only grew when Gaga posted a tattoo inspired by A Star is Born on Valentines Day, rather than a picture with Carino.

Naturally, given their electric chemistry in A Star is Born, and the widely known friendship between Gaga and Bradley Cooper, a lot of fans are hoping the two are secretly dating.

In fact, now that the news of her breakup has hit the internet, people are barreling down on their theories that Cooper and Gaga are a full-fledged item.

Of course, at the time of writing this, neither Cooper nor Gaga have said anything indicating they're a couple. It's all speculation at this point, coupled with their undeniable chemistry both on and off screen.

While the rest of us wait to see how this plays out, and whether Cooper and Gaga will end up living the real life version of their on-screen love, I can't imagine any of this is easy for Carino. Hopefully, regardless of what is going on with Gaga and Cooper, Carino is able to grieve the relationship in relative peace.

16 April Fool’s Day pranks that take over a month to pull off so get started now.

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There's nothing better than a well-planned, well-executed long game prank.

Whether it's a lie you've been supporting for years, a slow burn trick or a riff on an inside joke, watching your friends and family fall for an April Fool's prank is one the greatest joys in this world. While Ashton Kutcher did nail it in his Punk'd phase, you don't always need hidden cameras for a good prank. I still have friends that believe my dad invented Starbucks and I'll never let it go. Yes, I know he's running for president. I'll never confess.

So when a recent Reddit user tried to inspire people to get started on their pranks by asking, "We are now less than 45 days from April Fool's Day. What 'long con' pranks should be started around now?" the internet was eager to join in on the fun. Prepare to get inspired, the seasons of tricks is nigh.

1. Wow, this is amazing, "mesayinghello."

We spent 2 months in Europe 2 summers ago and rented out the house on Airbnb to cover expenses while gone. One of the renters was a film crew that shot a documentary about a local psychopath who killed a few people. The producers needed a home setting where they could interview witnesses and people who knew the guy or victims. There are plenty of interviews of people describing the murders and how evil this person was that clearly show our living room, guest room and kitchen in the background. My wife was not involved in managing the Airbnb listing so while I mentioned the film crew to her 2 years ago she never asked what it was about and I'm sure she has absolutely no idea that this footage exists. I plan on just casually coming across the documentary on April 1st and watch it with her to see her reaction.

2. Classic, "Dankpotatocat."

My great-grandpa got his kids to start cracking hard boiled eggs on their foreheads. Then, on April 1st, he gave my great-uncle a raw egg.

3. Brilliant, "bardolino1999."

A while back I got an app that could send an error message to a computer with customized text.

For a few weeks I would send sporadic messages like "Monitor Error 1003". "Monitor synch error", etc.

On April Fools day I sent the message "Monitor radiation shield has failed, please step back 5 feet"

4. This is horrifying, "Brainsonastick."

Here’s how I convinced a friend his house was haunted.

Rain-x is the stuff you put on your windshield to keep it from fogging up. Instead, use it to write on your friend’s bathroom mirror various “haunting” phrases. They go into the bathroom, lock the door, get in the shower, and come out to find someone has seemingly written on their bathroom mirror while they thought they were alone.

“Get out”, “help me”, something more personal, or whatever you like.

Every time you want to change the message, just use some dish soap and then glass cleaner.

5. This is amazing, "RoloJP."

My friend got me with a glitter bomb one time, which she watched me open in my bedroom, right next to my bed. I still found glitter three years later when I moved apartments. The bitch.

When it happened, I knew she would be wary of a counter attack, so I waited. And I decided not to just wait, but to long con her. I knew she liked candles, so I went for simplicity: I got her a candle that smelled great at first, but eventually burned down to smell awful. Not after an hour, mind you, but after quite a bit of it burned off giving a very pleasant apple pie scent.

Months went by, and I would see it at her place. Burned a little, but not too much. Occasionally I would notice it getting lower, but it was slow going. I got disheartened when I didn't see it any longer, until I noticed that she had moved it to her bedstand, right by where her head would be when she slept.

Aww, so sweet. She liked my gift.

Cut to many more months having passed. Almost two years since I first got her the candle, I get a bunch of angry texts late at night. "You asshole! That fucking candle! It reeks in my bedroom!" My magnum opus had finally been achieved.

It turns out that she had brought her date home that night and put the candle on to set some ambiance. As they're getting hot and heavy, they start to smell what she described as "pure sewage". It took them five minutes to figure out it was the candle and not some sort of sewage backup, then the smell lingered for an hour.

In the end, the guy was a good sport and recognized a quality prank when he sees one, so it didn't ruin anything between them, but to have a long con end that spectacularly was just better than I could have ever hoped for.

6. Nice, "marco262."

Bring hand moisturizer to work, and leave it somewhere like the break room. Conspicuously use it, and convince as many other people to use it as possible.

On April 1st, replace it with a bottle filled with water-based lube.

7. This is commitment, "TheEntWithNoName."

The nameplates at my office job have paper inserts with the cube dweller's name. I am going to print out a bunch of one person's name in smaller fonts, like increments of .25. I'm going to start replacing with smaller fonts each day starting March 1. I know it's not super crazy, but should be fun.

8. Office gold, "PsychYYZ."

Leave an old keyboard on your desk, with the wire pushed down behind your desk. If anyone asks, tell them it wasn't working, so you had yours replaced, but that support will be by to pick it up.

On April 1st, plug it into the computer in the cube beside you. When your co-worker arrives, do random things - hold down the shift key while they type in their password. Lock their screen if they look away for just a moment. Hit 'caps lock' while they're typing an eMail.

I managed to do this to a co-worker for four days before he started losing his shit and pulled out all the wires from his PC except power and network. It was hysterical.

9. I fully support this, "OffAndRunning."

I work with a group of 5-6 guys. I plan on separately swearing each of them to secrecy, then revealing that one of their coworkers is planning a wicked April Fool’s day gag on them and that we should work to plan an even better one against this schemer. If I do it right, I’ll have my coworkers conniving to destroy one another and sit back and watch it all unfold...as long as they don’t catch on.

10. Poor guy, "EastTourist."

Don't know if you can pull this off, but it was of the funnier prank stories I heard on Klick and Klack/Car Talk. Some guys worked with another guy who was obsessed with his car's gas mileage, so the coworkers slowly started adding gas to his tank without the owner knowing it, like they'd add two cups a day for a week, then the next week, they'd add three cups a day, etc. Since the guy was so obsessed, he thought his car was getting better and better gas mileage and was bragging to everyone in the office. Then the guys slowly started to reverse the process, the guy freaked out, everyone laughed.

11. Classic, "cunteater12."

Slowly move your friends desk 1 inch a day or every other day

12. Yikes, "boxster_."

When I was in high school, I brought a bag of garlic flavored jelly beans to school to prank my friends on April Fools. Instead a classmate grabbed them out of my bag during group work (it was a school with under 100 students, so everyone knew I brought extra treats) and I hear some odd shouting from across the room. Said classmates then handed them off to our teacher to try, without saying why, and I unintentionally pranked my entire year.

13. Nice, "IThrowEntireBananas."

More or less long con, but I ordered a roll of "for rectal use only" stickers and I plan on covering all my sisters belongings with them

14. Aw, "caraffa."

One April fools day I got a text from a wrong number. It happens, but he was nice so we kept talking from time to time, his name was jeff. Talked about video games, music, I feel like i made a really great friend. I told all my friends about it. Lasted a few weeks then stopped. Fast forward to the following April fools and jeff texted me. I was like oh shit what's up man! We texted a bit when finally my friends broke down and said dude, jeff has been us the whole time, we just forgot to tell you last year.

15. Amazing, "ImmortalGazelle."

I’ve been secretly learning russian for the past few months, on April fools day I’m just going to speak russian

16. A+, "thechaplinhunter."

I put an ad on Craigslist in new york city looking for a wookie impersonation for a film I was "making" but I listed my friends phone number. In the instructions I wrote if I answer just make the noise and hang up, Ill call you back if it's good enough. If you get my voicemail follow the same procedure.

Long story short I forgot about it for 3 months and one day I was out getting wings with him when he received a call. He slammed his phone down pissed. I asked what was wrong and he proceeded to tell me about how he has been getting weird phone calls and people just making noises and hanging up. I couldn't stop laughing and finally let him know why and he was not as amused.

25 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You Have Kids.

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Let's face it, being a parent is exhausting. Take a break from all of the screaming and cleaning and treat yourself to a laugh with these ridiculously funny parenting memes.

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Cara Delevingne and Jameela Jamil argued over 'fat-phobic misogynist' Karl Lagerfield like adults.

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On Tuesday, the 85-year-old fashion mogul Karl Lagerfield passed away in Paris. As with any celebrity death, the tributes immediately started pouring in for the Chanel creative director, who spent decades cultivating a name for himself in the fashion world.

However, not all of the tributes were positive, Lagerfield had a pretty well-known history of racism, xenophobia, fat-phobia and misogyny. He openly spoke against accepting Syrian refugees, overtly said that fat women are unattractive and "the world doesn't want to see round women," and perpetuated white supremacy both in word and action.

So, despite how recent his death was, a handful of people overtly spoke against the praise of his legacy, one of them was Jameela Jamil, who shared an article decrying the ways Lagerfield was oppressive.

"I'm glad somebody said it, Even if it is a little soon. A ruthless, fat-phobic misogynist shouldn't be posted all over the internet as a saint gone-too-soon. Talented for sure, but not the best person," Jamil wrote.

As with all problematic people, famous or not, Lagerfield obviously had those close to him that he treated with care. So, when Jamil posted her admonishment of the designer, the model and personal friend Cara Delevingne chimed in with her grieving perspective.

This resulted in the two women having a mature, respectful discussion where they expressed very different opinions on the man.

It started with Delevingne's plea for Jamil to not call him out so soon after his death.

The discussion continued with Delevingne admitting that she agrees with Jamil's critiques of the fashion world, but doesn't consider Lagerfield a bad person.

Jamil responded by pointing out that Delevingne is white and thin and conventionally beautiful, thus one of the only demographics Lagerfield wasn't cruel towards. She also responded with kindness, recognizing that Delevingne's personal grief is valid, while making her points about Lagerfield's oppressive legacy.

The two ended their conversation in a very respectful manner, with Jamil holding fast to her convictions about calling out oppressors, and Delevingne expressing how grief makes this conversation difficult.

Since it's so rare to witness a respectful and kind conversation about such a sensitive topic, many were impressed with how both women conducted themselves.

It's great to see two powerful women discuss differing opinions in such an adult manner, hopefully it'll influence the rest of us in our online discourse.

23 Workplace Memes Everyone Should Laugh At By 5pm.

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Having a job is great until you actually have to go in and do work. Treat yourself to some laughs today. You'll be clocking out before you know it.

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5 reasons why we can’t decide if Steve Carell is our dad or our boyfriend.

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Steve Carell has a special place in everyone's heart, especially if you're a fan of "The Office."

If you don't have at least one episode of "The Office" memorized you're either over the age of 105 or you're a humorless, heartless nightmare. Yeah, I said it. This is getting serious.

Steve Carell has had an incredibly impressive career in comedy, television and film, but his undeniable talent on the stage and screen is not what needs to be investigated right now. Instead, the important issue is why it's so difficult to decide whether Steve is everyone's dad, or if Steve is everyone's boyfriend. Why is he so endearing, relatable and seemingly genuine while also being low-key insanely hot? Why does it feel like he raised and nurtured every millennial, yet would also be a very intuitive kisser? These are the questions that need to be asked, because we can't decide!

1. Steve's younger years.

Young Steve Carell and young Stephen Colbert doing this bit called "Waiters who are Nauseated by Food," is essentially a long dad joke, but it's so funny that it's also very hot. Look at those adorable baby faces!

2. "The Office."

Michael Scott on "The Office," sways way more toward a well-meaning dad throughout the show. Between providing support toward Erin, his bad puns, his love of "Sandals: Jamaica," or his burning desire to be a family man, it's almost a no-brainer that Steve is all of our dads. However, what about that time he proposed to Holly? There are candles, there's an impassioned speech, it rains inside the building and IT'S HOT.

3. His entire vibe in "Crazy, Stupid, Love."

In case you haven't seen it, "Crazy, Stupid, Love" is a movie about Ryan Gosling being womanizer and teaching Steve Carell how to be one too. For most of the movie, Carell is our goofy dad. Then again, though, watching him punch Gosling in the face to defend his family? Seeing him in designer suits? That might make him our boyfriend.

4. He's aging like a silver fox.

Dad bod? Not for Carell. He's aging so gracefully that they definitely would've written him into "Mad Men" if that show was still going. (There's an entire Reddit thread dedicated to how good he looks in case you don't trust my personal investigative analysis). Therefore, at an age when Carell should lean drastically toward being our dad, with that hair, body and wardrobe he is most certainly our boyfriend.

5. He bought a general store in a quiet New England town.

Ok, is there anything more adorable than this?

This a gesture that SCREAMS dad, but a man with so much money he can burn it on lovely, quaint candy shops? THAT'S HOT.

In conclusion, it's settled. Steve Carell is our Sugar Daddy.

What your favorite Oscar best picture nominee says about you.

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The Oscars are on Sunday, February 24th, pitting the director of Dumb and Dumber against the mastermind behind Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. The best picture race features multiple queens, more than one white person learning that racism is bad, and musical numbers for every mood (I, for one, will never love again).

Here's what the movie you're rooting for reveals about who you are as a person.

A Star is Born

Image result for a star is born gaga nose gif

You unironically bop to "the ass song," and if you ever meet Bradley Cooper, you'll ask, "Why'd you come around me with an ass like that?" You and your partner were Jackson Maine and Ally for Halloween. You know that Ally's last name is Campana. You've shared at least seven "just wanted to take another look at you" memes, and while you scoff at the cheesiness, you wish that somebody would look at you that way.


Black Pantherblack panther marvel GIF

You've been a Ryan Coogler fan since Fruitvale Station, and have said on multiple occasions that Coogler and Michael B. Jordan are a "modern-day Scorsese and De Niro." You pretended not to be surprised when Black Panther scored a best picture nomination, because you've been bitter about The Dark Knight's snub for over a decade. If you're black, you have a "Wakanda Forever" T-shirt, and if you're white, you've asked all your black friend if you can get one, too.


BlacKkKlansman

power to the people GIF by BlacKkKlansman

You're a longtime Spike Lee fan who saw Chi-Raq, even when nobody else did. You mention it every time your mom brings up Green Book, insisting it's a far superior story of civil rights and allyship. For the first hour of the film you agonized over not knowing where you recognized Laura Harrier from, and when it clicked, you yelled "Spider-Man: Homecoming!!!!" in a crowded theater. Watching Topher Grace play David Duke, you couldn't get over the fact that he researched the role years ago by dating Ivanka Trump. You cried at the ending, and you never cry.


Bohemian Rhapsody

rami malek queen GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

Your favorite TV show is Lip Sync Battle. You deliberately didn't click on The Atlantic's article about Bryan Singer's accusers in case it was bad (it's bad). You are a straight woman attracted to Rami Malek's Freddie Mercury, and don't know what to do about it. There's something about men in tight white pants, even after Labor Day.


The Favourite

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U make sure that everybody in your life spells the title correctly, with a "u." You've watched every costume drama that's currently streaming at least twice, and still haven't forgiven Downton Abbey for killing [SPOILER REDACTED]. The line "I like it when she puts her tongue inside of me" filled you with glee. Rachel Weisz is straight—and so are you—but you want her to step on your neck and call you a badger. You follow and frequently tweet the Twitter account "The Favourite Out of Context." You were grateful to finally see a Game of Thrones if Cersei was allowed to be gay.


Green Book

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You're a member of The Academy (or the Hollywood Foreign Press Association) who loves to see the story of a man go from Racist to Not Racist, which is just like your journey when you saw Black Panther and loved the special effects.


Roma

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You studied abroad in Spain, so you didn't even need to read the subtitles. You saw it IN THEATRES goddammit, because if you streamed it on a computer, did you really even see it? You're a longtime Alfonso Cuarón fan, even though the only movie of his you've seen is Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. It came out a long time ago, so it counts.


Vice

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You listen to Pod Save America religiously and consider yourself to be a bro who takes politics seriously. Your favorite movies are about men behaving badly who get away with it, and lucky for you, that's all the movies. You remember the Bush era as a series of Saturday Night Live sketches and are glad to finally see one get the movie adaptation it deserves.

28 Utterly Random Memes Everyone Should Laugh At This Morning.

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This hilarious list of memes is guaranteed to crack you up, or my name isn't Clementine Fizzlekrump! Ok, that's not actually my name, but you'll still have a big laugh, I promise.

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