We all know the scene in porn, a pizza delivery driver arrives to a gorgeous woman who swiftly seduces him. Or conversely, a pizza delivery driver in a comedy arrives to find themselves thrust into the world of Spaceballs or Do the Right Thing and all that entails.
For the most part, delivering pizza isn't all that eventful. You deal with some good tippers, some bad tippers, some stoners, and some lovers, but it usually amounts to a run-of-the-mill customer service gig.
However, when delivering pizzas gets wild, it TRULY gets wild, as exemplified in a recent Reddit thread where pizza delivery drivers shared the craziest scenes they've walked into.
1. AmishHoeFights delivered to children from hell.
"I was delivering chicken (KFC) not pizza, but my worst stop was pathetic, really. I knock on the door, I hear a kid yell "I GOT IT", he opens the door, and runs up the stairs yelling to his friends "The chicken asshole's here! The chicken asshole's here!!", after which a crowd of about 8 pre-teens at the top of the stairs start throwing change down the stairs at me to pay for the delivery."
"I asked if they could hand me the money, they laugh and just throw the quarters/dimes/etc. harder."
"So I picked up the bag of food, winged it up the stairs at them, it hit the wall, and I split. Told the boss what happened and if they call to complain I won't listen or apologize; I'll just quit if he brings it up. I found out later he did get a call and told them to get stuffed.
Good boss."
2. johnboy2978's delivery was intercepted by a SWAT team.
"So while I was in under grad, I worked as a pizza delivery driver. I had a delivery to a dodgy part of town with a delicious pie. When I got within a couple miles of the residence, a local sheriff's deputy got in front of me. We made all the same turns. Then as we got closer, another got in front of him and one behind me. I start freaking out a bit as I'd been smoking some weed, but carry on."
"Finally, we all get to the same residence which is totally surrounded by police in riot gear, guns drawn, all that shit. I get out with my pizza and discover the house I'm supposed to deliver to is the one with SWAT out in front. One of the officers waves me off and says, "he's not gonna need that today" and they proceed to breach the door, to which I return to the car with a free pizza and get the hell outta there."
"They were added to our "Do not deliver" list but I don't think we ever heard from them again."
3. crazydaisy8134 also found themselves driving into a crime scene.
"I drove to the customer’s house and saw that a guy was being handcuffed by the police in the front yard. I had no idea what to do so I drove around a neighboring block a few times. When I came back, the police and handcuffed guy were gone. I didn’t know if he was the customer or not so I just walked up to the door and knocked. An old couple answered and took the pizza and paid and didn’t say anything about the arrest that happened on their lawn. It was in a city with extremely low crime rate as well so it was very strange to 17-year-old me."
4. BeigePhD delivered a pizza to an armed man in a field.
"One night I have a delivery to a pretty rural area. A lot of my deliveries are to rural areas, so no big deal. But tonight it's drizzling and especially dark, so I'm having trouble finding the address of the house I'm looking for. So I roll down the passenger window and use my (really fucking bright) flashlight, pointing it at mailboxes/trees/posts/ anything that somebody might have their address on at the end of their driveway. So I'm driving along at like five miles an hour pointing my flashlight when the beam catches a guy wearing a black hoodie at the end of an obviously long gravel road staring directly. At. Me. More of a glare at me, really. But whatever, could just be on the phone or something. Then it gets weirder. I finally find the address I'm looking for and pull into the drive, and hop out of the car. That's when I get the sinking feeling."
"No cars, no house light, boarded up windows. If you've ever been a delivery person, you know that this is the time to gtfo of there because you're about to get robbed. Right as I'm about to jump in, throw the car into reverse and nope the fuck out of there, I see a man walking across the empty field adjacent to the property towards me. Fuck. Now I'm a pretty burly, bearded dude, so I don't worry a whole lot on deliveries, but this scared the shit out of me."
"When he gets closer, I see him very obviously tucking something into his waistband, what I can only assume was a gun. He then says in a thick, menacing southern accent "I thought you was the law" (I guess because of how I was scanning the addresses). I meekly point to my car topper and the pizza in my hand and he says in the nicest voice you've ever heard "Oh, great! Thank you so much! Have a great night!" Pays me, and proceeds to walk back through the open field, in the direction of no buildings, in the rain, with his pizza. For the rest if my shift I couldn't stop whispering "What. The. Fuck." Strangest thing that's ever happened to me.
5. MYTHISTMUSIC has delivered to a lot of hoarders.
"Every Hoarder House I ever delivered to. Honestly, I feel for those folks, there’s usually a mental issue that starts it. Sometimes it’s just learned behavior, either way it’s still just sad to me."
6. Alchemic_Art barely escaped a shady set up.
"I didn’t end up delivering the pizza but the address was an abandoned house.. it was around dusk and the house was so obviously uninhabited, I could see trees growing through the windows and the backside of the house was crumbling so badly I could see to the backyard... from the street. "
"The instructions were to “come around back”. I double checked the address after locking my doors called the customer a couple of times, called the store and told em what was up and why I wasn’t delivering the pizza and headed out.. I mean seriously who would have been dumb enough to go to the back of that house?"
7. CallHimIshmael delivered to a man living under his porch.
"I once delivered to a guy living under his porch if that counts. I drove up to the house. Its pitch black. No lights on. I look at the ticket and it says "use back door." I go up the steps and no lights on. Nothing. Then I hear a voice from below me say, "hey down here."
"I look under the porch and there's a small door leading into what looked like a makeshift apartment. I had to actually crouch to get to it. Gave the guy the pizza and bounced the fuck out of there."
8. BrianNotBrad ran into an old classmate in an extremely bizarre scenario.
"First time to a huge mansion that was renowned for big tips, where you had to go around the back to a gate leading to the pool patio. Guy who answered the gate doorbell (!) had been disfigured in some horrible accident. He had me wait while he got his wallet, so I got a good dose of the backyard where a raging party was going on. Coke being snorted, craziness in the pool, booze bottles everywhere, and it was like midday on a Wednesday."
"Guy finally comes back, addresses me by name (no name tag) and says “you don’t remember me, do you?” Knowing that I’d remember those injuries, I realized he must know me from before he got hurt, and I stammered out a weak “no, I don’t?” His response blew me away - he recalled being in first grade with me at a local Catholic school I attended for one year. Then, he went on to detail everything about class that year, the people, teachers, activities and that his accident had happened during the following summer - he’d gone through a windshield in a head-on with a semi."
"I delivered there a few more times, and hung out chatting with him as long as I could. It slowly became clear that the party crowd was just using him for his money. That was fucked up enough, but what I also eventually realized was that he was stuck in that last normal year he’d lived and, 20 years later, had moved back (IIRC, he’d moved away because his parents died or were severely injured in the accident) as soon as he was old enough to access the accident settlement. And the money was going up that crowd’s nose pretty fast."
"I had no idea how to help him or even if he wanted help, and eventually started letting other drivers take that run. Never saw him again, even though it’s a small town. Eventually he stopped ordering pizza and then I left for a job elsewhere, but would pass by his house when visiting while my parents still lived there. Fewer and fewer cars were parked out front every time I went by, and the house slowly became overgrown with ivy. Fucked up."
9. nerdyhoe delivered pizza to a funeral.
"Someone ordered pizzas to a funeral. There were A TON of people there, all somber and dressed in black while I rolled up in my bright red greasy T-shirt lol. Definitely one of the most awkward experiences I've had."
10. Mrs0Murder's husband delivered to a dead person.
"You just reminded me- my husband delivered to an older woman who ended up dying during the time it took for him to get there after she placed the call (~20 mins). He said he showed up as they were loading her up into an ambulance (I think) and that the family was standing around watching and he didn't know what to do so he gave it to one of the family members (who paid for it) and left."
11. Ayjia feared for her life on one delivery route.
"Drove for a bit when things were rough. Day driving on weekdays meant there were only two of us, and we got mostly the business park lunches and the SAHM pool parties (and the latchkey kids after school snacks). There was some interesting stuff we ran into - brothels ran out of apartments, drug dens out of high end hotels...but for the most part it was seniors answering the door in boxers or tossing flyers on doors or dealing with snotty brats."
"There was this one house, though, that made my heart stop everytime it came up, which was thankfully rare. Call it instinct or energy or whatever, I hated that house. And because there was only two of us, and I was 20 years younger than the other guy, it was usually me."
"It was the only house on a single lane road. To give you an idea of the dissonance here, the major road this little road was off of housed a new McMansion development within one mile, and a sleepy little 1950 style cookie cutter suburbia development a mile in the other direction. It'd be real easy to mistake this road for an access road, especially with how heavily overgrown that area had become."
"Once you got on this little road, the first twenty feet or so seemed absolutely normal. It's after you turned the bend and the road turn to gravel that things went batshit. We're talking the road lined with construction worker and Smokey the Bear cutouts wrapped in barbed wire and holding model rifles. Naked store mannequins covered in paintball splatter with BB guns tied to their hands and pointed at the road. Signs every five or ten feet "NO TRESPASSING" "PRIVATE PROPERTY" "CCTV RECORDING IN PROGRESS" "YOU ARE BEING WATCHED" (no shit sherlock, you aren't hiding the cameras). This continued for the next mile, while I wondered if I should be calling my fiance and telling him I loved him, grateful that it was bright and sunny out."
"So I get to the gate, and call the customer (which was the most normal part of this), tell him I'm outside, only be told to not approach the house under any circumstances and do not leave the vicinity of my car. I Okay, dude. You know what? I'm intimidated. I'm a 24 year old woman a mile into the woods at some psychos house-fort with crap reception on my phone just trying to deliver a pizza. So, I get out of my car, take out the pizza bag, and lean against the side of my car and hope that I'm not making the nightly news."
"Out walks a guy who, I shit you not, is dressed like he walked off a MIB filmset, takes his pizza and wings, tips me 5 dollars, and instructs me how to turn my car around.
Would rather take the strippers 100 times over that house."
12. Lozzif quit delivering after their traumatizing experience.
"The one where they tried to pull me in the house. Not coincidently the last delivery I ever made."
13. Noite_Etion was accidentally given free hard drugs.
"I delivered to a drug house a few times, its was always obvious that these guys were selling/using, but it never bothered me as they usually tipped well."
"This one time i got there, rang the bell and a baggy of (I'm guessing coke or heroin, I have no idea) slipped under the door... Not sure what to do I decided to kick it back under the door and leave.
Not super fucked up, but I think about it a lot."
14. tacobellquesaritos has a few stories to boot.
"Extremely large man naked on his bed telling me to come in. i yelled that i wouldn’t like to do that and he replied “oh it’s a girl, why’d they send a girl” as if we knew the situation there...."
"Delivered to a trucker in his rig. berated me for having a single nose piercing and colored hair because he had a son “with all them piercings” and all he does is drugs now. then the man texted me “can i ask you a silly question” (i had called him to find his specific rig for the delivery). i ignored and blocked him and he called the store asking for me specially to return and bring him a specific sauce packet...... my manager said no and had me stay in the store with the crew until it was time to leave."
"One woman answered the door in a thong and asked where another delivery driver was. told her he wasn’t working. she replied “well he knows to always do mine for me”. again tried to explain that he was not present in the store that day. later found out he was dealing while delivering."
15. ttttttodayjr delivered to a swinger's party.
"I worked as a delivery driver for a very small Italian restaurant / pizzeria during my first semester of college. This one time I delivered pizza to a swingers party. It wasnt like on the set of a porno or anything he straight up told me when I was like "having a party?" Because he ordered 12 pizzas. He answered that this was his first swingers party and he just wanted to be sure everyone was having a good time."
16. Imtooshorttodunk almost got sick from one delivery.
"GPS led me to my citys hospital. After getting directions from alot of employees I finally found the room. I'll admit now, I reallllly should've paid more attention to the signs but was in rush and didn't bother. Luckily there was a nurse already in this lady's room. I was was just going to walk in and drop food off when the nurse starts shaking her hands and rushes to me. "No, no, no, you can't come in here. This is isolation"
"Oh I'm sorry, she ordered a delivery"
"She went back in the room and asked the lady if she ordered delivery and I heard the lady say yes. I overheard the nurse tell her "You should've told me."
Nurse comes back to me to grab food and told me if I had walked in the room I was not be let back out or something along those lines. Threw me for a loop haha, I will pay more attention now. I promise."
17. SlytherinAhri had a client who thought it was the 1940s.
"I delivered subs, but one of our regular clients was an old lady in a nursing home who thought it was 1940s or something."
"She was super nice, but nobody would deliver to her because she would only tip you like 25 cents because again, she was living way in the past. But I loved to sit and talk with her so I always volunteered to do it. Sometimes the nurses would pay the tip if they saw me but usually I only got a quarter."
"Her delusional state was heartbreaking, she was completely lucid aside from not realizing what year it was."
18. Spacelord_MothaMotha got a taste of the town.
"Used to deliver part time in a not so nice part of town. Used to do a regular delivery to an adult book store, my 18 year old mind was blown the first time I went in & saw all the sex toys & shit hanging on the walls. Another time I delivered to a room at a hot sheet motel. Dude opened the door & while he was counting out the money I saw a naked hooker sit up in the bed behind him."
19. fuchur7 had a very drunk regular.
"We had this old lady ordering everyday some alibiish chicken wings and 2 bottles of wine , sometimes twice a day. she stopped ordering 5 months ago and we drove by her Appartment and apparently shes not living there anymore, hope in therapy and not because shes dead. Her place wasnt that fucked up, but the smell of our wings still remind me of this sad human drinking Herself to death slowly."
20. deldertime had some very seedy regulars.
"I have two. We had a regular that was saved in the computer as mike from around the corner. Whenever I delivered he was super fucked up. On more than one occasion I had to let myself in because he was playing his drum set with his headphones on or completely fucked up on booze or drugs. One time he was passed out and drooling on the coffee table. Called the cops but he was ok. I saw him a year later at his day job and he didn’t even know who I was. Was never sober when we delivered."
"The other one was a nazi house in Huntington Beach. Big four bedroom and the place was always crawling with white supremacists. Always answered the door without shirts and displaying tattoos. Always a style. They wouldn’t tip unless you were white."
21. redsoxnets5 has met the good and the bad.
"Idk if this counts as fucked up but it always makes me laugh when I think back to it. I delivered pizza to a house where an older guy walks out in a robe sorta mumbling, I hand him the food he hands me a 20, I tell him it's 24. He mumbles ok and waddles back into the house, comes back and hands me another 20. I go to my pocket to get change and he slams the door on me."
"I also once delivered to an older woman who tells me to come in the side door. The food is about $34 and she hands me what I think is 40 and is really sweet, asking me how I'm doing and all that. I get back into my car and realize it's actually $60 and 2 of the 20s were sorta stuck together. I go back into her house to let her know and she says "oh I know, it's for gas and whatever else you might need." I always remember that lady because it was just such a random nice thing to do and really made my day."
22. wuapinmon met a real life Chuck Norris.
"At the mouth of Provo Canyon on the way down from Sundance and Heber City, UT, there was a compound that housed a school for teenagers who rebelled. We're talking kids that screwed up and their Mormon parents sent them from all over the country to this hard-nosed place to "fix" them."
"I'd have to deliver there about once a month. Parents would feel guilty and send their kid a pizza, paid for with a credit card. The kids, hating their parents, would often put like a $50 tip onto a $15 pizza (this was from 1997-2002 when I worked there). After a while, the store manager made it a rule that any tip had to be okayed by the parents placing the order, because he'd gotten too many irate parents about their kids' smart-ass tip amounts."
"Anyhow, you had to get buzzed into the main room through this set of double security doors. The guys that worked there were all like 6'2" and 250 and ripped. One time, I go in with like 10 pizzas for the entire group, and one of the guys says, "ALL OF YOU GET BACK AWAY FROM THE DOOR!" He looks at me and tells me to move toward the door."
"The hair on the back of my neck stands up. All of a sudden, like three of the kids attack this dude, and they screwed up. This dude was some kind of Chuck Norris prodigy. They took swings at him with objects from the room (like chairs) and he just blocked them with his arms until he could punch back, and he dropped all three of them with shots to the chest, hitting them so hard that they couldn't breathe anymore."
I stood there and blinked while he restored calm, telling them, "We didn't need this, guys" and "I don't like doing this, but you attacked me. I'm here to help you, but if you use violence to get what you want, you'll have a very tough time here. I'm choosing to not call the police over this." I got out of there as fast as I could.
Anyway, the place was fucked up because of the violence and the whole concept of private jails for kids."