We have over a year until Super Tuesday 2020, but the presidential primary schedules are already taking shape, and with them, people's theories about who the top presidential contenders are.

Currently, there are sixteen Democratic candidates who have announced running bids, ten of whom have the pull to become major competitors. Among those are the likes of Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, Beto O’Rourke, and yes, the problematic uncle Joe Biden.

While it's too early in the game for most to make full-on educated guesses, the celebrity star-in-chief already has his bets made, and on Tuesday night he tweeted his predictions with the most ominous word choice possible.

"I believe it will be Crazy Bernie Sanders vs. Sleepy Joe Biden as the two finalists to run against maybe the best Economy in the history of our Country (and MANY other great things)! I look forward to facing whoever it may be. May God Rest Their Soul," Trump wrote.

Trump's decision to end this particular word salad with the words "may God rest their soul" stirred up a lot of questions online.

Does he intend to murder them both?!

Do they share a soul?!

Does the loser of the presidential election immediately pass away?!

Of course, others were quick to point out that no one is running against the best economy in this country, since we are truly living in an economic slump.

Despite all the creepy connotations of the tweet, Sanders, for one, isn't the least bit afraid.

If anything, Trump's early prediction means he's eagerly paying attention to the competition out of fear he'll lose his post. Hopefully, when it comes time to hit the polls, that fear is merited.

The apple doesn't fall far from...your ex's family tree? That's right, Scott Disick has joined the ranks of his ex Kourtney Kardashian's fam in the pursuit of convincing people to buy into weight loss scams. Cute!

Yesterday Scott Disick made a sponsored post on Instragram, promoting a weight loss shots called BoomBod. The post features a dead-eyed Disick next to the product, with the caption, "Getting fit on @boombod weight loss shots. Already seeing great results. It’s up to 50% off today, go get your own at boombod.com." Okay, he didn't even try to spice up the copy they gave him. Where's that Disick sass we once knew and loved? Must have been given away with his soul when he sold it.

Is it just me, or does he look like he's trying to hide the gastric pain these "weight loss shots" are causing him?

As you may recall, celebs *cough Khloé Kardashian cough*have been receiving flack for promoting products that persuade people -- mainly young women -- to partake in unhealthy dieting habits. And all just so they can add to their riches. Feeding off of vulnerable young fans and pushing an agenda that can lead to self harm and self hatred is not a good look, and Scott Disick' fans were quick to criticize him for hopping on that train.

In case you're wondering, BoomBod is a low calorie dietary supplement that curbs your appetite. You know how you're supposed to eat when you're hungry? BoomBod helps you not do that. As you can imagine, people seeing this post recognized that it was a case for Jameela Jamila, who has been known to call out celebs for participating in these scams.

Jameela, where you at? We'll wait.

Pete Buttigieg, the mayor of South Bend, Indiana and most overachieving boy scout in the troop, is running for president and teaching the world to pronounce his name (it's "Boot-edge-edge.")

Boot-Edge-Edge is speaks seven languages (to put that in perspective, the current president doesn't even speak one), went to Harvard and got a Rhodes scholarship to Oxford, served in Afghanistan, and is gay. Yes, he is a real person and not an Aaron Sorkin character.

In a scene straught outta The West Wing, Buttigieg's campaign speech in Des Moines, Iowa was interrupted by a hateful, homophobic heckler shouting "Sodom and Gomorrah" when the candidate started talking about his marriage to his husband, Chasten.

Buttigieg stayed calm, cool, and collected on stage, as the crowd drowned out the hate with chants of "Pete! Pete! Pete!"

Mayor Pete then unleashed some smooth lines.

"The good news is, the condition of my soul is in the hands of God, but the Iowa caucuses are up to you," he said, adding, "Everyone here gets the same voice and vote. Feels like the numbers are on our side."

That was Tuesday, but the bigots are following him around the state, this time, with a theatrical production in Marshalltown on Wednesday.

Imagine being so homophobic you resort to theater.

Everything we see, hear, read and think derives its meaning from the larger, complex picture that surrounds it. It's called CONTEXT and it's pretty freaking important. But then there is the internet: a place where context goes to die. And from its death, outrage is born.

Recently, someone posted a photo to the Reddit page "Trashy" featuring a young woman doing her best Miley Cyrus impression on top of an older woman in a hospital bed. The caption, intended to spark outrage (and thus, clicks), read "posing like this on your dying grandma."

If true, sure, that's arguably pretty distasteful (although tbh if I was dying, I'd support my grandkids using me as an Instagram prop—maybe those likes would keep me alive a few extra days, but to each their own). The photo went viral, getting thousands of "upvotes" and comments from the eager-to-be-outraged internet. But there's one HUGE problem. As someone pointed out in a comment on the photo, the caption is a complete lie and the context of the photo paints an entirely different picture.

"Oh for fucks sake you people are reactionary morons," wrote a good samaritan who is familiar with the original post. The woman lays out a few crucial pieces of information that entirely change the meaning of the photo. She writes:

This isn't the girl's grandmother. It's her aunt. She isn't dying, she just had a simple surgery. This is a series of photos. In the first one the niece is laying in the bed with her and hugging her. Then there's this photo. Then another one where they are both laughing. then the final one the girl is sitting on the bed holding her hand. In the original caption she says "keeping Aunt [name] spirits high after surgery. She's feeling better now."

What a relief for everyone involved!!!

The commenter also points out that "the real trashy ones" are the people "faking outrage over some BS photo with a BS back story." And "the trashiest of all" she says is the person who posted this photo with a fake context to make a woman cheering up her sick aunt look like a creepy narcissist.

Friendly reminder: save your outrage for the actual monsters. There's plenty of them out there! Some of them are even "the President."

Are father-daughter dances creepy as hell or sweet as candy? That is the question being asked in a recent Reddit thread, where a dad asked if he's in the wrong for not wanting to bring his daughter to one of these dances. On the one hand, bringing your young, elementary school aged daughter on a "date" to a dance is a little weird, but on the other hand it is a night meant for a father and his daughter to spend quality, bonding time together.

The father in this case -- Reddit user pfunnk14 -- posted in "Am I The Asshole/AITA," a thread where people can ask others to weigh in on whether or not they are in the wrong.

His post reads:

I see a lot of posts on here seeking validation for their situation but I honestly don't know if what I did was an asshole move or if my wife is just unreasonably angry at me for this.

One day I saw this valentines day ad for a daddy-daughter dance night and I told my wife that I don't like them. My reasons were this: They are creepy and sexualize the relationship between daughter and father. There are hearts all over the poster. It's on valentines day. The dad and daughter are dressed like they are going to prom together. It's oddly "date-like". Not to mention it these dances have their roots purity balls where fathers claim sexual ownership of daughters until marriage. The whole thing just grosses me out and makes my skin crawl. I love my daughter with all my heart, but I don't want to date her. I also don't want to reinforce weird gender and patriarchal stereotypes in my daughters young mind.

My daughter is 2. This shit is all hypothetical for the future. I was just expressing my distaste for them to my wife upon seeing this poster. She lost it. She was shaking and crying. I don't think I've ever seen her look at me with such disdain. She thinks I would be denying my daughter a special bonding experience. She was worried my daughter would feel so hurt and left out by this. I don't think I'd ever not go if it's something that my daughter really really wanted, but I still think as parents it's our duty to do better than "it's tradition". I've never been one to buy into that crap. People do a lot of horrible nonsense because they're told it's what they're supposed to do.

I don't see the big deal in not wanting to participate in a weird archaic past-time that sexualizes my relationship with my daughter. I can kind of see my wife's point, but she was so mad I literally didn't understand it. Help me out, AITA?

EDIT 1:

I should have mentioned that my wife's father isn't really involved in her life and hasn't been since she was 3. She sees him a little every few years, but he didn't show up at our wedding or meet our daughter despite invitations to both. No doubt this has something to do with her sensitivity about this issue.

EDIT 2:

1. A decent amount of people think I'm gross for saying the dances were sexualized and maybe that was a bit too far. I meant that they are treated in a romantic fashion, not necessarily sexual. The way they treat it like a romantic prom date on or near valentines day where you slow dance with your daughter to love songs just makes me feel like a male version Lucille Bluth. *Shudder*

2. As a couple people pointed out purity balls actually came about in 1998. Daddy/daughter dances were happening before that. I think these dances REMIND me of purity balls in a lot of ways, but I was wrong to say they were rooted in them. Also, some people are saying mommy/son dances are a thing but I've never seen nor heard of any personally. I see daddy/daughter dances all the time though.

3. There are also people saying "do something else with your daughter instead". I do. Here's a little background. As of right now my wife works the better job. She makes more money and has insanely good health benefits and we don't wanna pay for daycare so I work a couple online jobs and stay home to take care of my kiddo. These dances are from a time when a dad went to work and the mom stayed home and raised the kids. Dads were distant and didn't raise their kids. So these dances were a way for a dad to actually spend time with their daughters. I promise you that's not the case here. I spend every single day with my daughter. We do fun stuff all the time. No worries there.

4. I feel like a lot of people here think I believe these things are bad because I think dancing with my daughter is sexual. That's not true. I dance with her now. I'm affectionate. I hug and kiss her. I nap and cuddle with her. It's my favorite thing in the world. However, when she's older some of that stuff becomes less appropriate. Like yeah, it's innocent to breast feed, but if you saw a 10 year old boy doing it, you'd be a little weirded out. These dances are something that weirds me out. I can't help it. It's a visceral reaction to it. I do think people are missing the part where I said I would absolutely go if my daughter really wanted to. I would be uncomfortable about it probably, but I'd never hurt my daughter if it meant that much to her.

5. Just had to laugh at the marriage counseling suggestion. Just needed a "delete facebook and hit the gym" and the reddit relationship advice would be complete. We're fine. We've had plenty of talks about her shitty dad. I'm nothing like him, thankfully. I honestly think her reaction could've been stress related and I just hit a nerve at the wrong time, but I don't see the point in bringing it up again. Sometimes in marriage and parenting you won't agree on things and that's okay. You compromise or work around it... or in this case never speak of it again unless you have to.

UPDATE: Apparently (in this situation) I'm not the asshole! But honestly thank you to everyone for your thoughts, ideas and criticisms. It helped to know some people that went to these things had neutral or positive experiences. It also helped me to know other people are just as creeped out about these dances as I am. Now I don't feel so crazy. Whatever your opinion on it, just know I'm gonna keep doing the best I can to be a good dad, dances or not. Thanks for your help reddit!

In the responses, some people agreed that this dad wasn't being a dick for being wary of this ritual.

djheat wrote:

NTA I think it's very reasonable of you to say you think they're gross but if your daughter (not your wife) really wanted to go to one you'd go for her. I think it's a little weird that your wife got so worked up about it, and that seems like something you two will need to work out between you.

Anyway, here I go image searching "purity ball" to creep myself out before I go to bed, thanks

pm_me_ur_skyrimchar wrote:

I fully agree with you. I live in the south, and these dances/mentalities are pretty prominent and creep me out.

Others thought the dad was being unreasonable.

nannimina wrote:

YTA. Sorry, I disagree. I don't think daddy daughter dances are sexualized. So if the daughter wants to go and you say no, YTA. Clearly it's important to your wife too.

My husband and daughters go to them...they are hosted by the schools. It's literally cookies, juice, dancing to music (mostly upbeat energetic types), and taking pictures. And yeah you get to dress up.

To be fair my kids are 9, 5, and 3, but they have been going to them since my eldest started kindergarten.

Dads tend to work heaps and the daddy daughter dance is a great way to make the daughter feel special regardless of that, and it's super cheap and supports the school.

I may get flack for my opinion. I get there are other ways dads can make their daughters feel special, but if the kid wants it, do it.

And seashoreduck wrote:

I agree that he's YTA.

There are VERY FEW spaces where it's about men and their role as FATHERS to their daughters. There are a fuckton of events for boys--especially through scouts--and fathers with sons. Fathers are generally considered only to take an interest in their sons.

If he doesn't like the daddy-daughter dances then he needs to get off of his damn high horse and do something ELSE for not only his daughter but other dads and their daughters. Organize a father-daughter science museum night. Do something.

The prevailing cultural message is STILL that fathers and young children, ESPECIALLY female young children, don't belong around their fathers. I think if we taught men (and boys) that fatherhood is parenting and not babysitting then we'd have far less men ducking out on parenting.

And Fire_Entity didn't think anyone in the situation was being an asshole:

NAH, since I don't think your wife is coming at this from a place of inappropriate boundaries. She sounds like she just wants you to dance with your daughter occasionally, which can be great memories.

However, you are totally correct in that a lot of these D&D dances are rooted in purity balls, which are creepy as fuck, sexist, misogynistic and focus on treating the daughter like a possession passed from father to husband.

I'd drop this for now; the kid is TWO. Come back a few years later and have a real discussion about it.

Maybe there's a non-creepy version of this. There's got to be, because a daughter and a dad dancing usually invokes tenderness and joy.

But I'd leave it for now, seriously.

What do you think? Is the dad right in thinking these dances are gross, is he overreacting, or is it a mix of both?

Depression doesn't care if your on the biggest television show of the millennium. The disease also doesn't care if you play the best, smartest character and deftly rule the North as the Lady of Winterfell.

In an hour-long interview with Dr. Phil, Sophie Turner opened up about her struggles with depression, explaining that she has been grappling with the mental illness for "five or six years now."

Turner was cast as Sansa Stark at the age of thirteen, and it was not easy spending the last ten years growing up on screen in front of the entire world.

"I was so in love with [working on ‘Game of Thrones’] … I couldn’t believe I was going to get paid for it … Everything was incredible, it only started to go downhill I think when I started to hit puberty and really puberty at like 17 and my metabolism was slowing down massively and I was gaining weight," she explained to Dr. Phil.

While Turner explains that it wasn't social media that "made her depressed," as Dr. Phil phrased it, she explained that the millions of comments contributed to her "some sort of chemical imbalance."

When she saw negative comments, "I would just believe it. I would just say, 'Yeah, I am spotty. Yeah I am fat. I am a bad actress.' And I just believed it."

Turner would ask the Game of Thrones costume department to tighten her corset, and had a hard time leaving the house when she wasn't in Westeros:

I just got very, very self-conscious. I had no motivation to do anything or go out. Even with my best friends, I wouldn't want to see them... I would cry and cry and cry. Just having to change and put on clothes, I said, "I can't do this. I can't go outside. I have nothing that I want to do."

She credits therapy, medication, and her relationship with fiancé Joe Jonas for helping her manage her depression today.

"I’m with someone now who makes me realize that I do have some redeeming qualities I suppose. When someone tells you they love you everyday you think about why that is and I think that makes you love yourself more."

Dr. Phil thanked Turner for being open, explaining how her candor can help girls around the world.

"Think about how many girls may not [commit suicide] because of what you said," he told Turner.

Turner said that "more people than more people realize" suffer from depression, anxiety, and body image issues, "and if people just spoke about it...if people just opened up to their friends even, their family...it would be okay. And other people suffer with it too, and all you need to do is speak with someone and get the help that you need...you can change it, you can change that thing about yourself."

Watch the full interview and cry here.

“Happiness is a warm puppy.”

– Charles Shultz

The two best things in the world are puppies and memes. This post has both. MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!

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A lot of the most important life lessons have to be learned the hard way. It's all too easy to feel like there are loopholes for seemingly basic yet essential life truths, and 99 percent of the time, there are no loopholes, just long-drawn out consequences for not listening to your gut.

While there are endless nuggets of wisdom many of us ignore until it's too late, there are also plenty of truths that aren't readily obvious. In many cases, the best way to avoid falling down a rabbithole of pain is to listen to those who've experienced that rabbithole first hand.

In a recent Reddit thread people shared the life lessons they've learned the hard way, in hopes their wisdom will help the rest of us avoid some pitfalls.

1. jonesie1988 learned you should never have to persuade someone to stay with you.

"You cannot convince someone to be with you if they don't want to be. Cut your losses, move on."

2. rfb0911 knows respect often outweighs romance.

"My Mum always told me, "you can't make someone love you, you can only make them respect you". This advice really helped me when my partner asked for space early in our relationship. It meant that I hadn't embarrassed myself when we eventually came back together after working through some personal stuff, and he still had respect for me."

3. thumper5 doesn't lend money unless they can afford to.

"No matter how much you trust someone or what kind of relationship you have with them, you should never lend money to someone unless you're prepared for the possibility you may never get it back."

4. sarajane82 knows how important prioritizing your health is.

"To never ever take my health for granted. Exercise, eat your veggies, sleep enough, learn to manage stress. Stress can really ruin your health. If you don't have time to take care of yourself all the more reason to. Make time, no matter what.Work is always there to do, but your health may not always be there. And what will you do if your health runs out and you can't work anymore? Better to take the time now rather than have no choice later."

5. MediaCrisis knows there's no point in convincing someone you're not the villain.

"If someone wants to make you their villain, just say yikes and move tf on."

6. CyanideSeashell knows you have to train people how to treat you.

A friend of mine used to say "we teach people how to treat us" which is interesting because it makes it both a positive and a negative in how it puts the onus on you.

7. anxious_succulent wishes they had researched before college.

"Be more diligent about researching majors/fields of education in high school."

8. Likewise, 525600-minutes knows how much a gap year can help.

"In this same vein though, if you’re not sure, take some time off if you need to. I’ve seen a few people pick a major they end up hating before dropping out altogether, and never going back. Or starting and stopping several programs before finally finding one they like or are ok with."

"I decided on a gap year after high school for several reasons but it turned into 12 years somehow. Now I’m 31 and in my freshman year of college, while also raising a family-the kids are all in school, so I am too now. I don’t recommend this particular route but I know what I want to do with my life, I know how to get there and I’m motivated to do well. 18 year old me wouldn’t have done as well as I am now."

9. mycatwearsbowties takes a moment to breathe before reacting.

"When you're upset, it's easy to react with anger, but that rarely will get you the results you want. So take a moment to breathe before reacting when you feel like lashing out."

10. aaautonym learned that if you think it's abusive, it likely is.

"If you catch yourself googling signs of emotional abuse, tell him/her “goodbye”.

11. Ambygirl learned how to spot controlling "friends."

"How controlling people can be. If you feel like you have to watch every little thing you say because that person will dump you in a heartbeat just for disagreeing with them, that’s not your friend. That’s a thought police warden. Leave those people behind."

12. bitchperfect2 learned your sexual activity is only your business.

"Guys will think you're a prude, easy, or stay interested whether you sleep with them or not. Make sure you make that decision for yourself, not what they could think of you."

13. awallpapergirl learned how to spot her own patterns.

"You are the only common denominator in your own repeated problems."

"After the second guy I dated after the man who tried to kill me started hitting me as well. I didn't cause their bahaviour, but I am not a passive character in my own life. I took some time to be alone and assess what made me vulnerable. I worked on my self esteem. I continued therapy."

"I cleansed my dating palate, I suppose. I realised we lost the art of dating along the way and 'go steady' too easily and my picker was off. I began to say* yes to any coffee date from any kind person regardless of my interest to expose myself to more types of people and healthy connections. Even when there was no chemistry, the next time I met someone I did click, I'd remember something like how much more respectful the other person had been and realise there was a better option out there."

14. Azovka learned that knowledge doesn't supplant real life experience.

"Knowledge is not a shortcut for experience. I’m a tad of a control freak so I like to read ahead and inform myself on things but I’ve found that knowing something is happening to me or around me, why it’s happening, what the best course of action is, etc. intellectually just doesn’t stop me from having to steer myself through the feelings, the situation, the sensations... In essence, knowing something is very different from actually experiencing it."

15. HitlersHotpants knows there will always be people who don't like you.

"Some people just won’t like you, and it’s pointless to try to get them to. As I’ve heard it put before “you may be the juiciest peach on the tree, but some people just don’t like peaches.”

16. darkknyx knows that no one escapes the villain treatment.

"That we are all bad in someone else’s story. Regardless of whether it’s a mistake on our part or not."

17. blady_blah knows you can't force someone to stay, but you can talk it through.

"Let me add on the mature addendum to that. "If someone tries to leave, talk things over and see if you can resolve differences. If they still want to leave, let them."

It takes two willing parties to make a relationship. At any time for any reason either party can decide to end it."

18. brissie_gurl learned that holding grudges only hurts you.

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Also, life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."

19. Giving birth is easier if you pretend you're pooping, according to aviatrix0313.

"When you’re pushing your baby out, push like your pooping. No one just said it plain like that and I was struggling for awhile before I accidentally pushed like I had to shit and everyone got so excited “YES! Like that!” DUDE! Why didn’t you just say that! All this “bearing down” shit. Just say it-POOP! Ugh. We’re all trying to be “proper” and not wanting to offend anyone. I struggled so much more than I had to."

20. Heyitsjen01 knows your gut has a point.

"Listen to your gut, the little voice nagging you that you don't want to listen to. Most of the time that instinct is going to lead you to the correct place and avoid hardships."

21. likeBruceSpringsteen knows the importance of dental care.

"Take care of your teeth. When I was young, and my parents had a dental plan, I went every 6 months for cleanings and checkups. Never had a cavity. I moved out on my own at 18 and made barely enough to scrape by, but I was on my own and it was awesome. I didn't have the money to go to the dentist and no dental plan with my minimum wage jobs."

"I didn't go to the dentist for something like 15 years. I'm 38 years old now and I've had a couple abscessed teeth, one requiring IV antibiotics, 7 extractions, 5 or 6 fillings. I still have another 4 surgical extractions required and multiple fillings before I am fixed up, and I'll need to get false teeth because as of right now I can't chew on one side of my mouth due to so many missing teeth."

"Trust me. Tooth pain is the fucking worst. You don't want to ever be in my situation. It sucks. Take care of your teeth."

22. jkwallace89 learned to honor their own feelings.

"Being given permission to feel the way you feel about a situation is all you need to move forward and grow instead of wallowing in a continuous circle of sadness and self-loathing. Talk to someone outside of the situation.

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you stronger in the long run."

23. ijustmissmycat learned that sadly, the world doesn't care if you're good.

"The world will not treat you any better just because you're a good person with a good heart."

24. marielouise16 looks for the lesson in hardships.

"Every negative situation is an opportunity for you to grow and learn."

25. elizacandle knows people can change, but actions ultimately speak the loudest.

"People can change. But only if they want to and put in the work to do so. Not if they say they will and keep doing the same thing. Listen to actions not just words."

26. Indecisiveimpatience believes relationships can trump some friendships.

"Hoes before Bros doesn’t have to apply if your friend is a manipulative jerk face. Don’t ever feel like a bad person for choosing a relationship that makes you happy and healthy."

27. 10000tinymothmen knows admitting when you're wrong is the best way to learn.

"You don’t always have to look/act like you know everything, saying “I don’t know” or “I don’t have enough information to have an opinion” is okay (and better than pulling facts out of your ass and turning out wrong)"

28. Peevesie supports taking the easy way when it makes sense.

"Sometimes you arent prepared to take the hard way. And that is okay. The easy way exists."

29. c4r13y learned to not take loved ones for granted.

"Concentrate your energy on people that actually give a shit about you."

30. UnicornOnTheJayneCob wears sunscreen at all times.

"Wear sunscreen. On your face, every day, every time you leave the house, no matter the season or weather, no matter how old you are or if you are only going to be out “from the house to the car.” Make it a habit.

Seriously. Wear sunscreen."

31. cnc_314 learned self-advocacy is NOT selfish.

"There's a difference between advocating for yourself and being selfish! Being kind and generous does not mean being a doormat!

Speak up if you're not being treated right, negotiate before taking a job, don't be afraid to send follow-up emails, know when and how to ask for the things that matter to you."

32. krasotka1 learned that your existence shouldn't be predicated on others.

"You don't have to have an opinion of yourself based on what other people think of you. You are amazing the way you are and if you want to do something, you should do it for yourself, NOT for other people!"

33. AutumnSummer13 picked family they actually love.

"You cannot choose your relatives but you can choose your friends. Life’s too short to be with people who don’t share your vibe."

We're all probably guilty of a few small, victimless crimes, right?

Most of us drank underage, have experimented with a few drugs, driven way over the speed limit or walked out of a store with something that definitely wasn't purchased. In other words, we've all been teenagers. Reckless, dumb, too-cool-for-school teenagers. (Rest in peace, all our of fake I.D.'s.) While some people step up their crime game in adulthood, the fear of getting caught isn't usually worth the thrill of getting away with it.

Given our country's obsession with crime television and podcast, though, living vicariously through the crimes of others is always intriguing. That's why when a recent Reddit user asked, "What is something illegal you have done and got away without getting caught?" the internet was excited to share their moments of sneaky, low key crimes. Five finger discount seekers, unite!

1. Well done, "Tasty_Club_SandWedge."

I stole my own car from the tow impound lot, best part was getting the certified letter months later that they were going to auction it if I didn't come and pay for it.

2. What a monster, "RingosBeardNumber9."

Stole some candy when I was 6 years old at the corner store in 1967, The Summer Of Love For Candy. I hid it behind a sockball in my hand. I even showed the sockball to the owner, and said "you like my sockball?" I still feel remorse. He was nice gentleman.

3. Brilliant, "itspeterj."

The summer after I graduated high school, my best friend and I bought season passes to Six Flags and decided to go every day because it was only an hour plus away. A week or two into our summer, Six Flags introduced their Fast Passes. We immediately bought them, jumped the line and were hooked. This was going to be the best summer of our lives, but the fast passes were like $20 each, which adds up if you're going every day.

Luckily for us, the stupid idiots printed them on BUSINESS CARDS and punched out a hole when you rode. So we just printed our own at home on my friend's dad's super nice printer and rode the shit out of every ride we could. We started making friends with the ride operators, and they'd start telling us what color the ink would be the next week so we could stay ahead of the law (and the suckers in line.) After 2 months or so, they started printing them on plastic, but I worked at a plastic factory that used plastic sheeting that was the same thickness, and we were still able to print them if I cut the sheets down to size. We got to ride the rest of the summer out in style, but the next year they introduced the tamogachi looking fast passes, and I knew that i'd been beaten.

It was the best summer of my life, and it was really thrilling to feel like i was getting away with something that was technically illegal, but also was a completely victimless crime.

4. You're a good person, "emelbee923."

I went into CVS for 3 things: Deodorant, the specific pencils I like to use, and a notebook.

I grabbed the deodorant, perused the office supply aisle and saw they didn't have the pencils I wanted, so I decided it wasn't worth it to get the notebook either.

Feeling like my trip was a failure, I left. Walked out of CVS with the deodorant in my hand. No alarm went off, no employee stopped me.

About 3 steps outside of the door, I realized I just stole, however unintentionally. So I walked back in, bought the deodorant and 3 other items out of guilt.

5. Bold, "Srappy_Larue."

Flown with weed in my checked luggage.

6. Damn, "tipsycook007."

Broke into a church, made a mess. Went into the kitchen made myself a sandwich, snacks, grabbed a soda. Went on my merry way back home.

Woke up the next day. Sober me felt guilty. Went back to apologize and pay for any damage. Ended up with a felony.

7. Classic, "rylan_1959."

Watching porn under 18

8. How dare you, "Diclord_of_Dix."

I stole one of the rulers of one of my teachers when I was 13. I know, I'm a bad ass.

9. This is pretty impressive, "-eDgAR-."

When I was in college I ran a free, illegal bar for my friends out of my dorm room using alcohol that I stole.

I had a whole system worked out for stealing the booze from this big grocery store chain and the entire time none of the employees suspected a thing. I made friends with a bunch of them and they would always say hi to me and chat whenever I would go, which was about 2-3 times a week.

I actually did get caught for the stealing, but not at that grocery store, only when I tried to do it at Target back home in Chicago. I got arrested for that and felt really stupid for what I was doing, so I gave up shoplifting.

However, I never got in trouble for my bar and I had a lot of fun mixing drinks for my friends. Also made my room the spot to hang out before going to hit the parties later on.

10. Entrepreneur, "Vigothecruel168."

When I was in high school, I regularly shoplifted Playboy Magazines and sold them to my friends to pay for Legos. Luckily I never was caught.

11. Well done, "Specifiedspoons."

Just took my statewide standardized test and forgot my phone in my pocket, I listened to music through my headphones the whole time 😎

12. Go to jail, "Ange_Gardien-Inc."

Tore off that tag on a mattress at the mattress store.

13. Worth it, "mike_e_mcgee."

I brought two or three Cuban cigars back to the US from Montreal once. When we cleared the border I turned to my parents and used my favorite line from Futurama:

Guess what you're accessories to?!?

14. I'm definitely not this successful when I'm sad, "Budget_Raygun."

In my twenties, I shoplifted over $500,000 worth of stuff over a period of three years.

... I was very sad.

15. Ha, "myanonacc918."

I was visiting the beach, and when walking home with a friend from a bar at 4am on a Sunday night, we came across a jetski on the beach being bounced around by the waves. My friend convinced me to ride it back with him the next mile to where we were staying. So we rode it in the ocean in pitch black while a storm was out in the distance (cool, not scary). When we got to our place, we rode it around until the sun came up and then I found the jetski registration, found the guy on Facebook, played the good guy and messaged him and told him "hey I found your jetski at X location on the beach", then went inside. It was a pretty thrilling experience. I don't know how illegal it was considering it was a jetski just left in the ocean, and I returned it, but it was still pretty fun.

16. I think you're going to be okay, "thejazzghost."

I once bought plastic storage tubs at Walmart. The cashier didn't realize there was a second storage tub in the first one I bought and I got it for free. The guilt of this haunts me to this day. I hope God and the country can forgive me.

17. Very funny, "RangerGordsHair."

Shot a man in Reno just to watch him die

18. Brutal, "Konstantin_G_Fahr."

In Kindergarten I stole my teachers sandwich and ate it. Nobody ever knew.

Nearly every high school yearbook is full of predictions about each student's path. Some students are heaped with praise, and voted "most likely to succeed," or "most creative" while others often receive joke titles like "most likely to fall asleep in class" or "biggest class clown."

While these titles just function as playful yearbook fillers to look back on later, they're more interesting to look back on when they're wildly incorrect.

Regardless of whether it's a bone-chilling horror story or a sunset-meme worthy inspirational tale, who among us doesn't want to hear about people taking a drastic 180 after high school?!

In a recent Reddit thread people opened up about their high school classmates who took wildly unpredictable paths, and it'll give you both hope and horror for the possibilities of life.

1. FAT_BELGIAN_BASTARD's classmate had a swift downswoop.

"Very smart guy, but after his parents died, he inherited their house, quit his job, and sat around getting fatter and fatter and finally died of a heart attack at age 48."

2. Krissyeeen's classmate transformed into a swan.

"I knew a girl in high school who was very sweet but very shy. She had very poor eyesight, had some tough dental issues, was overweight, and lived with a foster family in a trailer park. She wasn’t particularly close with anyone in school; I got the sense that she was just trying to make it through —- head down, get it done. But she was always kind and I would talk with her a bit here and there. Mostly she kept to herself and seemed to want to just not be noticed at all."

"After high school, we lost touch. Twenty years later, I get a Facebook request from someone with her name but the picture looks nothing like her. Not even a vague resemblance. I accept because I’m curious. Well, it was indeed her!"

"It turns out that she worked her way through/paid for community college, ended up getting a good job with a family company and worked her way up the ranks there. She saved all of her money. By her late 20s, she saved enough money and had good insurance for eye surgery and dental surgery. She also started really focusing on getting healthy. She said it all boosted her confidence so much that she started traveling around the country. During those travels, she ended up meeting a great guy. She and her husband have a nice family, good jobs, and live in an affluent community."

"She acknowledged that her early years were tough and she had such low self esteem that she had a tough time making friends. She thanked me for always being kind to her. She ended with “I may have blossomed late, but it was worth the wait” I’m so happy for her. We keep in touch."

3. alteredxenon's shy classmate became a successful musician.

"A really nice and shy guy who liked Queen and played guitar a bit. Became a bass-guitarist in #1 rock band in Ukraine.

Edit: it's Okean Elzy. He's not in the band anymore, but has been playing for first 10 years."

4. The jock at D_Shwimm's school became a priest.

"The son of my teacher was a football player, had a beautiful gf (they broke up before he graduated though), and was a procrastinator. Once he graduated, he went to work at a restaurant for a year and as far as I knew, he was going to attend college the next year but he had no idea of what his major was gonna be. I just found out two weeks ago he got accepted to a local seminary and is going to become a priest! I was shocked to say the least."

5. ellean4's slacker classmate made it big.

"Probably the smartest guy in class but never actually paid attention or did his homework. Was always sleeping in class or doing his own thing or goofing off. Recently sold his startup for 8 figures and is now back to goofing off."

6. Gneissisnice's classmate died way too young.

"He was two years younger than me, absolutely brilliant and went to Stanford after high school. Died in his sleep from a heart attack at age 20 while visiting family in China. He had an undiagnosed heart defect. So yeah, that was pretty unexpected. RIP Kevin."

7. Pm_me_instructions's weed dealer BFF is now a medical professional.

"Best friend in high school. His step dad was a district attorney and apparently they didn't get along at all. This was the bible belt south east. I met him in the tenth grade as I smoked weed and he happened to sell it. He lived in a trailer park and financed it with his weed sales. My parents hated him."

"After he graduated from high school while living 100 percent on his own, he did two years of collage before getting accepted in a major medical university program that actually paid him to be there. He is now a pharmaceutical engineer living in Switzerland. My parents were surprised to hear that."

8. Lightning_lad64's classmate blew up.

"Guy who sat behind me in hometown. Was a good student, but not an intellectual superstar by any means. After I relocated to Eastern PA, turns out he was in Western NJ. Multi-millionaire, former CEO of a pharmaceutical company.

Great guy, super happy for him, but truly unexpected."

9. LoseIt_Throwaway92's cousin never thought Dev Patel would make it big.

"Not me, but my cousin in the UK went to school with Dev Patel. Dev was apparently super into the drama club, and people thought he was too over the top, and kind of a try hard that would never actually be a professional actor. His success was definitely unexpected for people he knew back then, based on what my cousin said."

10. pythonic_nonsense's school drug dealer turned into a cop.

"High school meth dealer and local lunchroom pot/cigarette vendor ended up being roomates senior year. two months after graduation they both joined the las vegas PD."

11. Dupragon's classmates didn't turn into their best selves.

"One dude who was always a dick to me but hung out with our friend group got expelled in Highschool for having legit childporn on his phone. He moved cities and I didn't hear from him for years. Turns out he murdered an elderly gay man and is in jail now.

One super shy quiet dude is now doing time for blackmailing girls and posting their nudes."

12. The cheerleader from Coffee_Pl0x's school just got arrested.

"Not really a friend as I didn't run with their crowd, but like at every school there was the really popular girl. Pretty, cheerleader, everybody liked her, wealthy parents, etc... I'm sure you knew someone like that yourself."

"Just maybe two or three weeks ago she got arrested and charged with several felonies for possession of meth, prescription pain killers, and a large amount of weed."

"I moved away from that town years ago and haven't really kept in touch with a lot of the people from there. However a buddy of mine sent me a picture of the report in the newspaper and was like "remember her?" Definitely didn't expect it, that's for sure."

13. barelysentient-'s classmate had a tragic secret addiction.

"Average guy at school. Dead through alcoholism by his mid 20s. It was apparently asphyxiation that got him."

14. wildescrawl has seen both rags to riches and riches to rags.

"There were two that really stand out. One of them was a girl who got in a fair amount of trouble. She skipped school, had a bad attitude and was more interested in hanging out with friends than learning. She ended up becoming a lawyer and eventually became the assistant DA of a city with about 3 million people."

"The other was a nice guy, got along with most everyone, I even considered him a friend and hung out with him on occasion. He came from a great family and while he didn't get the best grades, he was good at things like fixing cars so I assumed he would end up going into that field. Instead, he started a career in drinking. By the time he was 30 he had been in jail several times, in a rehab a couple of times, had been arrested numerous times, had two restraining orders on him from former girlfriends, and had burned so many bridges with his family they had given up on him."

"Now in his mid 40's, he still lives in that same town. He looks like he is in his 60's, is on disability, and likely doesn't have much of a future as he continues to drink himself away."

15. INRNME's crush found what she's good at.

"I had a crush on a girl that was a real sweet, quiet girl. Not long ago saw her picture on the news for boosting cars. She was not so cute anymore."

16. scene_missing's sloppy college friend somehow made it in fashion.

"Not HS, but my best friend’s freshman roommate was a weird guy. Brilliant. Literally 1600 SAT scores, full ride, brilliant, but never really showered. He was dating the sweetest, kindest girl, who dumped him after two months of trying to get him to take better care of himself and actually go out and do anything. We’d try to get him to come out of his shell because he was pretty funny and we liked the guy."

"After not hearing from him for 15 years, we looked him up. Apparently he cofounded Revolve clothing, is a multi millionaire, and parties in Ibiza and shit. I’m genuinely happy for the guy, but I never, ever, expected him to hit it big in fashion."

17. bourbon78's ex-bestfriend is in jail for murder.

"My best friend since I was 5 yrs old, smartest person I ever knew. She went off to college and got into heroin. She is now serving a life sentence for first degree murder."

"She was the mastermind and the getaway driver of a burglary gone wrong. Her accomplices broke into a guy's home they were acquainted with, tied him up and beat the shit out of him. He died of a heart attack sometime during the ransacking of his home or directly thereafter."

18. Erovian_MD's repressed Christian acquaintance got sexually liberated.

"A girl I knew was a strict Christian and floated between groups of friends. Her judgmental side came out from time to time. Once I remember her telling a girl she was going to “burn in the depths of hell” for having sex. I only know this because I was the lucky girl sitting between them when the other girl jumped over me to punch her..."

"Anyway, after high school, I heard she met a guy, stopped being a Christian and wrote all sorts of over sharing sexual statuses on Facebook. They got engaged and were hooked on drugs. She pawned her engagement ring for drugs and lived above a smoke shop out east."

"Good news! She’s now off drugs, married and has a daughter. Still posts over-sexualized photos and statuses on Facebook. We’re good on seeing you in lingerie suggestively laying on your husband..."

19. Dupragon's classmate found his niche lifestyle.

"Dude was the typical cocky douche to most people but we got along well enough. We're 25 now, and he moved to Vegas went bald, put on about a hundred pounds and is dating a sixty year old stripper."

20. DifficultShoulder's smart school friend got caught in a gross habit.

"I had a friend in high school who was high achieving academically. He was in the top classes, very nervous and well behaved in the classroom. Generally he was mostly thought of as quiet and the guy very few people paid any attention to.

He's serving eight years in prison for possession of drugs and child pornography."

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

--Charles Lamb

Studies show that if you love memes, you are probably a genius. Yes, I just made that up, but how would you know that if you weren't so damn smart? You really should ask your boss for a raise. Right after you kill some time laughing at these hilarious workplace memes, of course.

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A real life bachelorette party out-Bridesmaidsed Bridesmaids when an old college friend of the bride's guilted the crew into an invite and sent out this wild email making the rules for the weekend.

UrsulaIMeanVanessa posted the screenshots on Imgur, explaining that the girl didn't get invited to the bachelorette party because "she's a downer." Debbie Downer then "threw a giant fit" until the bride finally invited her, and then sent the entire bachelorette party this email.

Buckle up.

Seriously, what's with "rum" and "tequila" in scare quotes?

Here's the TL:DR

1. On Sunday, we're going to church to cleanse our sins. I have warned the Pastor in advance.

2. No "liquor" in the hotel room because you might "fall off the balcony" and "die."

3. NO SEX, you unmarried sloots!!!

4. No men. Men rob. Especially men named Rob.

5. All 16 women should send me $50 because I plan on spending $900 on groceries.

6. No drugs, including ADHD medication. You won't need Adderall for church.

Respectfully and with courteous passion,

The party guest from Heck

The post is going viral on Twitter, where people have ideas of what to do with this nightmare lady.

It looks like this girl might have to spend the whole weekend hanging out with the pastor.

We all have a few useless bits of information that tends to cling to our brains better than important dates or phone numbers. There's always that one friend who has to point out that tomato is actually a fruit, but not all of us would totally crush a round of Jeopardy. In an era where "alt-facts" are thrown around as truth, sometimes it's difficult to know what is real.

When a recent Reddit user asked, "what is the most useless fact you know?" the internet was prepared to pull out their most interesting nuggets of truly useless knowledge. Indulge, scholars!

1. This is amazing, "Lauri1605."

When penguins don't know if the water is safe they push their mates in it to check.

2. Woah, "13db."

If you plant a seed from a lemon, you won't necessarily end up with a lemon tree, you could get an orange tree or a mandarin tree or a pomelo tree.

3. NO THANKS, "greendragon4343."

Spiders have 48 knees. I don't know why I remember it, I just do.

4. Wow this is definitely a useless fact, "SonicSingularity."

Ohio is the only US state that doesn't share any letters with the word "mackerel"

5. Oh my god, "humble_heroes."

Koalas have two penises

6. Wow, this is a bummer. "DepressedBard."

You have a higher chance of dying while walking to purchase a lottery ticket than you do of actually winning the lottery.

7. Woah, "thirstythunder."

If you eat a polar bear’s liver you will die from vitamin A overdose

8. Don't mess with swans, "MMMLG."

All the swans in England belong to the Queen.

9. Weird, "henryriver."

Armadillos always birth identical quadruplets.

10. This seems suspicious, "AntonySinz."

Lip skin and butt hole skin are the same type of skin.

11. WTF, "Barlus."

Female Hyenas have a psuedo penis that is used to basically trap the Male penis.

Nature is fucking scary.

12. Interesting, "Zmoods."

Almost all mammals larger than a rat take the same amount of time to empty their bladder, with the time averaging 21 seconds.

13. Same, "-eDgAr-."

Female dragonflies fake being dead to avoid unwanted male advances

14. Woah, "tragic_magic_world."

Each cat nose print is unique like human finger prints.

15. Yikes, "SoggyToast96."

Male crocodiles’ penises are always erect, they just retract into their belly when they aren’t near a female and ready to mate.

16. Ergh, "drlqnr."

an average human produces enough saliva in their life to fill 2 large swimming pools

17. But why, "Lpokm40."

the average horse ejaculate has about the same number of calories as a burger king whopper

18. RIP, meat "Tantricmac."

The Titanic had 75,000 pounds of fresh meat and 40 tons of potatoes on it

19. What, "Bryce_Tex."

One of the only natural predators of the adult moose is the killer whale.

20. Vital information, "ShadowGirl9."

"Booby trap" backwards is "Party boob".

21. Life-changing knowledge, "tellthetruthandrun."

A banana is a berry. A tomato, too. So is a watermelon. Eggplants and peppers? Yup, berries. Grapes and oranges? Both are berries. Cranberries and blackberries? Them guys too.

You want to know what’s not a berry? Strawberries and raspberries.

"I hate mornings. They start so early."

- Janet Evanovich

Studies show if you love memes, you are probably a genius. Yes, I just made that up, but how would you know that if you weren't so damn smart?

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On Wednesday morning Time announced their annual list of the 100 most influential people in the world, and as no surprise to any of her fans, Chrissy Teigen was included on the list.

Since the list includes a full 100 people, only a small handful of them get to grace the various covers the magazine shoots, and Teigen was not one of them.

However, being a woman of her own path, Teigen decided to take matters into her own hand and release the magazine cover duties to her many photoshop savvy fans and followers.

Boy, did they deliver all sorts of imaginable magazine covers featuring Teigen's face.

Each of these photoshop jobs channels a completely different Teigen vibe.

There's everything from glossy model shots to visions of Teigen in soccer gear.

Of course, multiple memes resurfaced during the course of this thread. You can't give people full permission to use any photo without risk of receiving the full meme treatment.

But also, a lot of the jobs looked realistic and formal (enough) to be real. Teigen is enough of a widely beloved household name it would have made sense to pick her as one of the few cover features.

Honestly though, who needs a photo shoot when you have tons of fans photoshopping you into way more creative covers?! This is digital art in action.

ICYMI: Chrissy Teigen was named one of Time Magazine's list of 100 Most Influential People of 2019. No doubt, the woman has influence—Teigen has relentlessly called out people in power on Twitter, becoming known for her razor-sharp roasts of the Trump regime, and even getting blocked by the President. Recently, she and her husband John Legend (google him—he makes musics!), attended the Democrats' Issues Conference in Leesburg, Virginia, where they discussed their opinions on current political issues, and Teigen took a brutal swipe at Ivanka.

But behind every great woman is a hollow shell of a human with hate, bitterness and ignorance swirling around in the cavernous hole where their soul should be. I am, in this case, talking about talking KKK hood Laura Ingraham.

During a segment on her Fox "News" show, Ingraham Has a Racist Angle, ol' "kids love being in cages" Ingraham tried to take on Teigen by smearing her for the very serious crimes of: 1) liking food, and 2) cursing. [Clutches pearls]

"She was chosen according to the profile because, quote: '...all her life, Chrissy Teigen has liked to eat. She's not shy about that — or anything else really.'" said Ingraham in the segment, continuing: "Well that's nice and innovative I guess, eating. But did most Americans like her take on female empowerment during last week's Democrat retreat?"

She then criticized Teigen for telling women the two words they should say more often are "fuck you." The clip is making the rounds on Twitter, where it is getting panned:

Immediately, people began waiting for Chrissy's response, since dragging dummies on Twitter is kind of her specialty.

And let's just say, Teigen did not disappoint. She cooked up the perfect response in no time:

Teigen shared the original clip, proving it only makes Ingraham and Fox look bad, along with this caption:

Corny monster. There were 1 million other ways to try and take me down and this is what you choose? Fuck you.

That's what we millennials call a BURN.

And, because Chrissy Teigen is a pro at this, she followed up with a second tweet, calling out Ingraham for being the white supremacist that she is:

"When time comes out with their 100 most influential white supremacists list, I promise I won't question your worthiness," she wrote. Now that is what we millennials call a SAVAGE burn.

The internet erupted in applause. Someone even used the power of Photoshop for good in response to Teigen's perfect shut-down:

But THERE'S MORE. Teigen's last, and final, swipe at Ingraham didn't even require words:

Sometimes the truth is the greatest burn of all. All hail Chrissy Teigen, our president.

Ted Cruz, the political embodiment of a Family Guy punchline, tried to make a joke about the burning of Notre Dame and got appropriately roasted and flamed by the internet in response.

His attempt at humor came in response to the news that Disney had pledged $5 million dollars to assist in the rebuilding of the cathedral. For Cruz, this presented the perfect entryway to express his unbridled (and likely deeply repressed) love of Disney princesses.

Unsurprisingly to anyone who has been on Twitter longer than fifteen minutes, and likewise anyone familiar with the near universal hatred of Cruz shared by anyone politically left of Trump, including Trump himself, the joke lit the fires of endless roast jokes.

Most of the responses to Cruz's tweet are different iterations of people lightly screaming "wtf" into the abyss.

Suffice it to say, Cruz's attempt at humor wasn't met with much laughter, at least not at the joke itself. But it did temporarily distract people from the despair connected to Cruz's overall existence and influence in the world.

In a perfect world, Cruz wouldn't exist, and all the key historical buildings would remain in tact. But alas, we are alive in this bonkers timeline where a senator is attempting to crack mildly creepy jokes about Disney princesses following a massive architectural fire.

"Never underestimate a man’s ability to make you feel guilty for his mistakes."

--Rihanna

If you have one or more evil ex-boyfriends, you will relate hard to these savage memes.

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The 448-page [REDACTED] version Mueller Report finally dropped and folks, it's nice to have all the puzzle pieces that have been appearing over the past two years assembled into one PDF.

I hate to be the one to break it to you guys but, despite claiming "complete and total exoneration," and dispatching his Attorney General to spin it like a DJ, the president is not the saintly beacon of virtue he claims to be.

The special counsel's report paints a picture of a campaign welcoming assistance from the Russian government with open arms, and scrambling to keep their stupidity under wraps as soon as they won the presidency.

Here's what you need to know.

1. Mueller's team didn't look for "collusion," but rather "coordination," as defined by conspiracy law.

"In evaluation whether evidence about collective action of multiple individuals constituted a crime, we applied the framework of conspiracy law, not the concept of 'collusion,'" the prosecutors explained.

So there was NO COLLUSION! after all, but only because it is not a legal concept.

2. Trump was in contact with Russians as early as 2015. That's more contacts with them than with Tiffany.

From the report:

Some of the earliest contacts were made in connection with the Trump Organization real estate project known as Trump Tower Moscow. Candidate Trump signed a Letter of Intent for Trump Tower Moscow by November 2015, and in January 2016, Trump Organization executive Michael Cohen emailed and spoke about the project with the office of Russian government press secretary Dmitry Peskov. The Trump Organization pursued the project through at least June 2016, including by considering travel to Russia by Cohen and candidate Trump.

3. In spring 2016, campaign foreign policy advisor George Papadopoulos heard from a London-based professor with connections to Russia that the Russian government had "dirt" on Hillary Clinton "in the form of thousands of emails."

Papa blurted out to a foreign government official "that the Trump Campaign received indications from the Russian government that it could assist the Campaign through the anonymous release of information damaging to candidate Clinton."

That's...exactly what ended up happening.

4. The FBI opened an investigation into Trump because of Papa's big mouth, not because of "spying," as the president claims.

5. On October 7, 2016, the day the "Grab Them By The Pussy" tape dropped, WikiLeaks released hacked emails they got from Russian intelligence. WikiLeaks stated that the drop was "intended to interfere with the US election process."

6. Campaign chairman (and now-convicted felon) Paul Manafort briefed a Russian intelligence-linked oligarch on campaign strategy in battleground states, and even discussed a "peace plan" that allowed Russia to control eastern Ukraine.

Jared Kushner would later get involved with this "Russian reconciliation plan," including give copies to Steve Bannon and incoming Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.

7. When then-President Obama imposed sanctions on Russia for interfering with the election, incoming National Security Advisor Michael Flynn called the Russian ambassador and told him not to retaliate.

8. According to Mueller, there was a lot of evidence of "numerous links" between Trump and the Russians, but not enough to bring charges.

9. Throughout the course of the investigation, Trump campaign officials were lying liars who lied.

...the investigation established that several individuals affiliated with the Trump Campaign lied to the Office, and to Congress, about their interactions with Russian-affiliated individuals and related matters. Those lies materially impaired the investigation of Russian election interference.

That sounds a wee bit obstruction-y.

10. Trump campaign officials shared Russian troll material, including both Donald Trumps.

(IRA is Internet Research Agency, the Russian troll farm.)

11. Troll activities included getting someone to walk around New York City as Santa Trump.

12. Russian intelligence transferred stolen material to WikiLeaks, and WikiLeaks decided to pretend that they got the emails from a DNC staffer who was murdered in the summer of 2016.

13. The section on the Trump campaign spreading the hacked materials was almost completely blacked out, as is the bit on "Contacts with the Campaign about WikiLeaks."

Deputy campaign chairman Rick Gates, however, told prosecutors that Trump "expressed excitement" about hacked DNC emails being released by WikiLeaks in July 2016.

Manafort "wanted to be kept apprised of any developments with WikiLeaks and separately told Gates to keep in touch [redacted] about future developments," according to the report.

14. An "incident" in which Trump and Michael Cohen discussed WikiLeaks has been conveniently blacked out.

15. Trump asked Michael Flynn to ask Republican operative Peter Smith to find Hillary's emails. Smith committed suicide in May 17, after telling The Wall Street Journal.

16. According to Michael Cohen, Donald Trump Sr. knew about Donald Trump Jr.'s June 9, 2016 Trump Tower meeting with a Russian lawyer for Clinton "dirt."

Both Don Jr. and Jared Kushner told the Senate Judiciary Committee that that was not the case. Lying to Congress is a crime.

Mueller, however, couldn't find evidence either way.

17. Don Jr. allegedly knew that the meeting was a Kremlin hookup.

18. He also DMed with WikiLeaks, and tweeted out links Assange told him to.

19. Mueller almost indicted Don Jr. and Kushner for campaign finance violations at the Trump Tower meeting, but concluded that they were too dumb to know it was illegal.

"The Office did not obtain admissible evidence likely to meet the government's burden to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that these individuals acted 'willfully,' i.e., with general knowledge of the illegality of their conduct; and, second, the government would likely encounter difficulty in proving beyond a reasonable doubt that the value of the promised information exceeded the threshold for a criminal violation."

20. After Trump won, a meeting in the Seychelles sought to establish a "backchannel" between Russia and the Trump administration.

This sounds like a James Bond plot, but it's for real, according to the special counsel.

The meeting was between a Russian oligarch and Erik Prince, the CEO of Blackwater and Betsy DeVos's brother.

As The Washington Postsummarizes:

The meeting was arranged by businessman and lobbyist George Nader, who told Prince in January 2017 that “the Russians were looking to build a link with the incoming Trump administration,” and proposed an encounter with Kirill Dmitriev, the CEO of the Russian Direct Investment Fund. Nader then sent documents about Dmitriev to Prince while he was at Trump Tower meeting with Kellyanne Conway and others for three hours.

Bannon and Erik Prince gave conflicting accounts—and their text messages on the matter have mysteriously disappeared.

21. On June 17, 2017, Trump called White House counsel Don McGahn at home and told him to have Mueller fired.

McGahn did not carry out the direction, however, deciding that we would resign rather than trigger what he regarded as a potential Saturday Night Massacre.

22. Mueller "obtained evidence" about potential obstruction of justice by Trump as soon as he was appointed.

Events included:

• "The President's January 27, 2017 dinner with former FBI director James Comedy in which the president repeatedly asked for Comedy's loyalty, one day after the White House had been briefed by the Department of Justice on contacts between former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn and the Russian ambassador"
• "The President's private requests to Comey to make public the fact that the President was not the subject of an investigation and to lift what the President regarded as a cloud"
• "The President's reported involvement in issuing a statement about the June 9, 2016 Trump Tower meeting between Russians and senior Trump Campaign officials that said the meeting was about adoption and omitted the Russians had offered to provide the Trump Campaign with derogatory information about Hillary Clinton."

23. Trump said "I'm f*cked" after Mueller was appointed. Sad!

According to notes written by a Sessions aide, "when Session told the President that a Special Counsel had been appointed, the President slumped back in his chair and said, 'Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my Presidency. I'm f*cked."

"Everyone tells me if you get one of these independent counsels it ruins your presidency. It takes years and I won't be able to do anything. This is the worst thing that has every happened to me."

24. For more than a year, Trump refused to sit for an interview with the special counsel.

They team decided not to pursue a subpoena fight. Lame.

25. Sarah Sanders told Mueller the truth for once: that she's completely full of sh*t.

26. Trump tried to influence the investigation, but he was saved by his aides just straight-up ignoring him.

The President’s efforts to influence the investigation were mostly unsuccessful, but that is largely because the persons who surrounded the President declined to carry out orders or accede to his requests. Comey did not end the investigation of Flynn, which ultimately resulted in Flynn’s prosecution and conviction for lying to the FBI. McGahn did not tell the Acting Attorney General that the Special Counsel must be removed, but was instead prepared to resign over the President’s order. Lewandowski and Dearborn did not deliver the President’s message to Sessions that he should confine the Russia investigation to future election meddling only. And McGahn refused to recede from his recollections about events surrounding the President’s direction to have the Special Counsel removed, despite the President’s multiple demands that he do so. Consistent with that pattern, the evidence we obtained would not support potential obstruction charges against the President’s aides and associates beyond those already filed.

27. With regards to obstruction of justice, the prosecutors concluded that they couldn't reach a conclusion.

Mueller and team were working under the Department of Justice tradition that the president can't be indicted, even if he deserved to be.

The Trump campaign was are of—and expected to benefit from—the Russian government's illegal activities, but Mueller couldn't prove beyond reasonable doubt that they did more than just milk it.

Trump tried to stymie the investigation as much as he could, up until this morning, when he sent the Attorney General to say that everything is just peachy.

Mueller says that it's up to Congress whether or not the president who seems guilty and acts guilty, is guilty.

Oh, the wonderful world wide web. From Live Journal to Myspace top 8 arguments to chat rooms and cryptic away messages for your crush, the "old internet" was truly an adventure.

Back before we all carried around computers in our pockets with all of our emails, texts, and photos, you had to make sure that nobody in your house was on the phone before you could go online. The websites were slow and full of comic sans (ugh) font, but it was a simpler, more romantic time. Unless of course, you chose the wrong stranger to trust in an AOL chatroom.

Considering the fact that people born in the year 2000 can vote now, there's a whole generation of people who don't remember the internet before Instagram. So, when a recent Reddit user asked, "Redditors who were online in the 1990s: what would younger folks not understand about the 'old Internet'?" people were ready to share their fond memories of the days of dial-up and AIM.

1. So true, "OutspokenLurker."

There was a time before ads. Before AOL gave their users access there was essentially no advertising, even for person-to-person items and services.

2. Ha, "PaulsRedditUsername."

I haven't seen "under construction" in years.

3. Yup, "gameDubposts."

Before social media, if someone wanted to put something online then they'd have to make a website. They couldn't just sign up to Facebook or Instagram and put a load of content out there. So there were loads of sites just doing their own little thing. I think nowadays its easy to forget how separated and distinct all the online content used to be. And there weren't very many people online, so you'd be getting in touch with absolute strangers rather than anyone you actually knew, for the most part.

4. Omg Clippy, "DaringDomino3S."

Yeah what happened to Custom cursors? And page effects like sparkles and weird clippy animations

5. Truth, "adamrocks84."

When Napster was around I would start to download 3 songs and maybe by the time I got home from school they were finished.

6. Age, sex, Location, "HDsun."

A/S/L

7. Absolutely, "whereegosdare."

Chat rooms were considered to be the most dangerous places on earth.

Away messages on AOL IM were the first twitter posts.

Napster was amazing for finding obscure songs

If you had dual CD ROM burners you were the shit.

8. RIP moody away messages, "chronically_varelse."

Omg I had dozens of away messages. Tons of song lyrics 😂

9. Ha, "NeverSpeakAgainPS4."

15 minutes to load an image of a topless chick... worth. It.

10. Dial up forever, "Thlimshady."

How someone picking up the phone would immediately knock you off the internet.​​​​​​​

11. Gotta miss the screech, "lauriie_"

The insanely loud screeching dial-up noise followed up by my kid brother whining is something that I'll never forget.

12. Truth, "Snozzberry123."

You had to actively choose to go online. Things were not connected 24/7.

13. Damn, "PMMeUrHopesNDreams."

The 90s: Don't talk to strangers on the Internet! Don't get into strangers' cars!
Today: Press this button on your phone to summon a stranger from the Internet to give you a ride in their car.

Also:

My parents in the 90s: Don't trust anything on the Internet!
My parents today: FreedomEagle.net says Hillary invented cancer!

14. For real, "tydestra."

The amount of code we learned to style our webpages.

15. Yup, "NordyNed."

How unregulated it was, especially in the early 2000s. I’ll use YouTube as an example: you could post virtually any video, see full-length TV episodes and movies, and encounter few if any ads. People weren’t thirsty for monetization and everything was pure and innocent.

16. RIP, "SnipeyMcSnipe."

How intimate old school forums could be. I haven't been in an online group that has given me a strong community feeling since those forums from the 90's / early 2000's. I'm sure they're out there and I've been in a couple private subreddits that came close, but it's not the same.​​​​​​​

17. Oh my god Jeeves, "InRustWeTrust."

There was a time when the google wouldn’t answer your questions, you would have to ask Jeeves instead.

18. So slow, "lastroids."

Early 90s internet is like the deepweb of today. Plenty of illegal stuff and almost no oversight. Also, slow as hell.

19. Ha, "IEATHOTDOGSRAW."

I kid you not that the closest thing to porn I had as a kid was the bra section of the Sears catalogue. When my mom started getting Victoria's Secret ones my life changed lol. Then the internet came and so did I.... a lot.