Much like Rome, a strong foundation of self-confidence isn't built in a day. For many of us, it takes years of unlearning negative thought patterns in order to secure a strong sense of self.
Even people who have developed healthy coping mechanisms experience dips in self-esteem and need tips and tricks and pick-me-ups. I think it's safe to say that everyone navigating this chaotic world needs a reminder that they're doing a good job every now and then.
To this very point, in a recent Reddit thread, people shared their tips for building confidence and this slice of the internet will leave you feeling wholesome and good, for once!
1. HughManatee swears by a good workout.
"Going to the gym helped me tremendously with my self confidence and depression to the point where I don't take depression meds anymore. Weightlifting in particular has helped me take control of my body and self image."
2. vodovja says people think you're more interesting than you think you are.
"There are enough people in the world who are willing to talk to you in good faith, such that you have the opportunity to build up your confidence in social interactions. It's okay to ask someone a question."
"For me, it clicked years ago in high school when a classmate once told me that I seem to have good things to say and asked me why I don't talk more. I eventually went from being a hopelessly shy person to a person eager for serious conversation. Having said that, encouraging a shy person like this would be a good way for those with more confidence to brighten other people's lives."
3. Willster328 stopped fighting the reality of the present and found greater peace and self-worth.
"Acceptance of who you are in the present.
I had lived my whole life as "I'll be the person someday" and always saw myself as inferior to my future self. In the last year, I finally just said, "I'm not that person in the future, I'm the person I am today."
"And that was in regards to a dozen things. I'd always been self conscious about my physique for instance. And so I'd buy clothing that I'd fit into eventually, and say that who I was today wasn't as fit as I was going to be eventually. And my self confidence suffered from it because I was always demeaning myself that my present self wasn't good enough."
"There was this odd moment of zen where I simply came to say "This is who I am." And that's not to argue I'm not constantly bettering myself. But the moment I accepted who I was, I was able to own up to insecurities and face things I didn't like. And in effect, you become confident in yourself, even if it's not in the ways you'd always strived for."
"EDIT: In regards to the question of this sounding like you've given up:
It's not, and I'll see if I can differentiate it a little bit. So the "antonym" to self-confidence would be insecurity, right? If you're always thinking of yourself as not as good as you could be in something, and you think of yourself as the future person you envision, you're sort of skirting around that insecurity by never accepting yourself for who you are, but instead accepting what you want to be in the future."
"And so by never really accepting yourself as you are, you're giving into these insecurities, which by the definition above, is the opposite of self-confidence. You're not confident in yourself because you're not accepting of yourself. And so by simply coming to that conclusion you will exude more confidence in what you have to offer, rather than what you wish you had to offer."
"You can still endeavor toward those goals, which is why it's not the same as giving up. But there's a much better feeling of acceptance of who you are, which will have trickle down effects to how self-confident you are.
That sound better? Or does it sound like I'm making excuses lol"
4. Snow_Falls has an in-depth analytical process to fight negative thoughts.
"Alternate method to what most people here are saying. It’s all good advice, but I wanted to post from a very self critical individuals view.
Every time you think or say something negative about someone else, pause. Then say ”maybe that person has something going on in their life that’s stressing them out, and it’s unfair to judge”. Elevating other people is a form of elevating yourself."
"Every time you think or say something bad about yourself, even on self-depreciating humor, pause. Then say “that’s not really true, I’m a great person and I’m too critical of myself sometimes”. Elevating yourself helps build confidence, but more importantly it helps mentally reduce your insecurities."
"People are afraid of things they don’t know, and frustrated by things they don’t fully understand; so work to understand your problems better and you’ll know yourself better."
“What if I think I’m a loser?”. Well let’s look at that. You are you, you have x major problems in your life, and y hinderances. With all that weight you’re carrying, how can you call yourself a loser? You’re doing the best you can with what you have, but you’re carrying a lot of weight."
"So what can you do to reduce some of it? Take your minor hinderances, list them out. Break them down into 5 portions, and circle the worst portion of each problem."
"Tonight, take an hour to make progress on those portions, even if that progress is just taking the time to think about them. What are they, what caused them? What do you have now, and what do you need to resolve them? Why?"
"The majority of every problem you’ll face in life can begin to be understood by asking “what do I have, what do I need, and why?”. Then followed up “how do I best achieve my goal?”. But you’ll never know how to go about achieving your goals if you don’t account for what you have, what you need, and why you need it."
"Once you start removing that weight, the world becomes a lighter place. Not every weight is easily removed, and often you’ll realize you need to make sacrifices."
"Just a tip: the realest sacrifice you’ll need to make is the weight that others put on you. If you can understand why and follow through, then everything else is a walk in the park."
5. onesoggyhuman recommends cultivating a new skill.
"Learning a new skill, then getting decently good at it such that people come to you for help. Mine is building/building repair for instance. I'm not a professional but I can think outside the box and that's helpful/impressive to people who can't."
"For me, it isn't other people's opinions that matter nearly as much as the feeling of being useful. Otherwise, just drill into your mind constantly that you are worthy, you are important, you are a perfectly valid human being who deserves to be happy and feel confident."
"If you mean as far as social interaction, I have severe social anxiety and I've totally overcome it. The secret? Force yourself to accept that no one is better than you. They might be more successful, or attractive, or whatever, but they're just a human, and you're just a human. I use that baseline for every single interaction I have."
6. Domaths makes a healthy distinction in their relationships.
"Care about people but not what they think of you."
7. my_liquor-ish_life knows building confidence lies in discomfort.
"Do things that scare you. Could be little, Could be big. Could be standing on a corner giving strangers a high-five or asking out that hottie at the bar."
"When you take steps outside your comfort zone, you teach yourself you can handle a lot more than you thought. It makes it easier to face your fear and do things you want to do, which gives you confidence."
8. BoomVroomBob knows that sometimes "fake it til you make it" works.
"Anecdotal, but I don't feel this helped that much. I'm an introvert and hated talking to people that I'm not close with, but several years back took a teaching job 4 days a week. I could "fake it till you make it", and from an outsider perspective I think I did good, but inside, I never got comfortable even after doing it repeatedly for prolonged time. I never got to the "make it" part. Fast forward half a year later (I got another job), I felt like I didn't change that much in terms of introversion and my comfort at talking to people."
9. iammaxhailme cut their screen time.
"Cut out websites that you use frequently out of sheer boredom, but don't actually make you happy. this applies to 80% of people on twitter and 90% of people on Facebook"
10. bigsbeclayton treats themselves like they would treat a friend.
"Honestly, be kind to yourself. We live in an era of showiness and connectivity with the internet and social media. People now compare themselves to people they don't know on the internet. And everyone is trying g to show how much they are leading their best lives. I could go on about how cancerous this can be but I'll stick to the point. This new age of connectivity brings a lot of information and possibility to ones fingertips but that can be overwhelming."
"It allows us to see what could be and sometimes that makes us upset that we are not. And sometimes we set expectations for ourselves that we either can't or don't meet up with. This type of cycle can create a negative feedback loop where people get hard on themselves for failing or not meeting their goals, which makes them depressed and unmotivated, which causes them to fail again because they have even less drive and motivation, and then rinse and repeat."
"We need to treat ourselves better. If you see a friend or family down on their luck or failing at something, would you offer them encouragement or criticize and mock them and make them feel worse? If people treated themselves like their best of friends, they'd be a lot better off for it."
11. CSFerguson knows becoming excellent at something opens the door for confidence.
"Instead of trying to convince yourself to become confident, go learn to do something. Anything, really. Just pick a skill you've always wanted and start learning about it. Practice it. Invest in it. Confidence is a side-effect of being good at something. Confidence without competence is, really, arrogance and ignorance."
12. Seadrase knows the power of a good outfit.
"A good fashion sense. I’m a guy and I got a few girls that I’m friends with to help me with my style. It helps a lot. I feel much more comfortable and even some girls have been flirting with me more too. Good fashion ups your self confidence by a lot."
13. slunion_20 knows it all starts with confident posture.
"Stand up big and tall, but don’t make it look unnatural. Talk loud and clear to people. Let others and yourself know that you have strength and power."
"I saw this video once where it said that people who make themselves bigger (literally bigger) before situations where they might seem under confident were able to be more confident if that makes sense. I saw it in a public speaking class one time. For example, before an interview or even before talking in front of a group of people, stretch yourself out, get big, don’t be hunched up in a ball. That would translate to you feeling less confident if you were sitting, bent over all nervous."
"I don’t know if that helps, or if it’s what you were asking, but that seems to help me feel confident in a nerve-racking situation."
14. SaintMateo cleans their room to clean their mind.
"Keeping a clean room. I’ve heard the saying that a room is reflective of how cluttered your mind is. I find this to be true and coming home to a clean room makes me feel like my life just a little more on track."
15. michaeleid811 expects failure and takes success as a boost.
"Stop caring when you fail, expect to fail and do it anyways, you will succeed sometimes and then get a confidence boost."
16. shaidyn knows that presentation goes a long way.
"Remember this: Nobody is a mind reader. Literally nobody on the planet knows what's going on in your head or your heart. If you're meeting someone for the first time, the only thing they know about you is what they SEE. And you get to control that."
"One of the easiest ways to build confidence is to groom yourself and dress well. Learn to shave, learn to use makeup, get a haircut that looks good and learn to keep it looking good. Find some clothes that fit in colours that suit you. Watch some youtube videos on posture and make sure you stand up straight, shoulders square, feet apart."
"If someone meets you for the first time and you look like an absolute boss, they have no alternative but to assume you're an absolute boss, and will treat you like an absolute boss."
17. Ep3taxi swears by exercise.
"Personally exercise! Look good, feel good. Helped my confidence shoot through the roof. I started at 18 and I’m 26 still going."
18. HMCetc has found confidence through volunteering.
"Volunteering. I honestly can't recommend volunteering enough! If anyone is able to and has the spare time, do it! It gets you out of the house, you meet a whole range of new people, you get to be involved in the community and make a difference and you can learn new skills."
"Volunteering has helped my a lot! I've gone from being basically terrified to go because I was so anxious at new challenges to becoming a manger. Now I've moved country and I'm volunteering again. It doesn't matter if you're just doing a little bit because the little bit of help all add up."
19. ohwhatsthepoint7 has a list of bullet points.
Exercise
Eat right
Therapy
Affirmations - tell yourself that you believe in yourself and your capabilities several times a day
Practice what you want to get good at. Start small. And build.
Get comfortable at spending time alone.
Travel."
20. GrumpyTigra has been uplifted by music.
"For me personally playing and learning an instrument works perfect. You learn something and if you arw good at something you can record it to let others hear. Its a grat booster for me at least"