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Bed ridden.

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Love fool.

A 6-year-old obsessed with making brackets uses one to help decide on dinner.

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Munch Madness (via imgur)

I couldn't tell you how many hours I've lost trying to decide what to have for dinner, online menus should just come with an "I'm feeling lucky" button so that those of us with terrible decision making skills don't starve to death. 

Or, I could just do what this 6-year-old did who, according to redditor ecost, is obsessed with making brackets. Just break down the dinner choices into small, easy decisions until the inevitable delicious conclusion: pizza. 

Let's take a closer look at Pizza's trip to the championship:

Its first match was against soup. This was an obvious win, Vegas wasn't even taking bets on it. Soup, when hearing that it was matched with pizza in the first round, chose to forfeit the match, which allowed pizza to quickly proceed to round two where it met McDonald's. 

If pizza was ever going to miss its opportunity at the championship, it would be against the Golden Arches. I'm sure everyone rooting for pizza was holding their breath to see if McDonald's could actually lose to pooh, the wild card in the first round. Pizza must have been looking forward to the easy match against fecal matter. However, pizza still pulled off a win despite being faced off against heavy-hitter MVP Ronald McDonald. 

Slurpee was a dark horse in the race, needing to beat back Chick-fil-A, who seemed almost untouchable after taking down cake in the first round. Slurpee prevailed, beating both chicken-based contestants in its first two rounds. Of course, pizza was the favorite to win, and it beat slurpee's luck-filled run to make it to the championship against brownies. 

Brownies was a strong opponent, having lost very little energy while sweeping the right-hand bracket. Having only to face down both ice-cream based contenders (ice cream itself, followed by its drinkable cousin, milkshake), followed by a total slam dunk in the third round against pretzels. Brownies cruised to the championship against pizza. 

The easy fight turned out to be brownies downfall, however, as pizza had learned from experience how to fight it's way to a win. Ultimately, pizza was the victor, and rightfully so. 

We plan to check back once the desert bracket gets filled out. The favorites to win are Dairy Queen and Totino's pizza rolls.

(by Myka Fox)

A baby photographer used her artistic skills on a Jack Russell terrier in the role of newborn baby.

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And Jack Russell Terrier makes three. (via)

Jamie Clauss must really love her job as a baby photographer, because after she'd finished working for the day recently, she decided to recruit her married neighbor friends Jan and Chase Renegar, along with their Jack Russell terrier, for a series of shots that are so cute they have the Internet saying "aww." Or at least everyone not saying "Dogs aren't people! Stop treating your dogs like kids you weirdos! Thanks, Obama!" But we're choosing to ignore those people, because life's too short and dogs are cute.

As much fun as Jamie and her friends seemed to have, no one appeared to enjoy the session more than Snuggles the dog, who was probably confused as hell at first, then decided that being swaddled, kissed, and cuddled by its owners beat whatever else he had planned for the day.


As sweet as it is weird. (via)



Snuggles getting used to things. (via)



Good luck keeping him off the bed after this. (via)



Teaching the dog to spoon. (via)



9 lbs, 6 oz, 4 paws. (via)

With Snuggle's baby shoot going viral only days after the Internet went berserker for this husband's "maternity" shots, everyone should brace themselves for the coming hurricane of cuteness. 

You can see the rest of Snuggle's photo shoot here.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

This little kid looks just like Jay-Z.

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You crazy for this one, little Jay-Z-looking kid! (via)

A couple days ago, somebody posted a picture to Reddit, along with one simple line of description: "My friend’s son looks like Jay-Z." While I admire the simple declarative nature of that sentence, I find it to be somewhat of an understatement. It really requires a qualifier, such as "exactly like," or "an insane amount like," or "like he might actually be a developing clone of."

Here, take a look at the hip-hop mogul and his diminutive doppelgänger side-by-side:

That's uncanny! Look, the kid—who can't be more than, what, four?—has even got that chilling Hov-esque attitude down pat. I know he and Beyoncé have a daughter, but if that daughter were a son, it wouldn't look as much like Jay-Z as this kid does. In fact, this kid looks more like Jay-Z than Jay-Z did when he was a kid.

I hadn't considered a Jay-Z biopic as particularly necessary up till now. But, hey, since we've already got it partially cast, we might as well go ahead and make the movie, right? Maybe somebody can make it Richard Linklater-style and just film a little every year until he grows up and marries a Beyoncé lookalike.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)


Smile at this baby seal learning to surf or your money back.

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Come on and safari with me. (via YouTube)

Matt Stanley and Andrew Flounders had been surfing for about 45 minutes when a baby seal dropped in on their ride, looking for lessons. 

“Me and my friend Andrew Flounders were out enjoying some summer waves when this little guy came along and scared the hell out of Andy because we didn’t know what it was! It nudged his foot from underneath,” Matt Stanley told Insolitevideo.

The little seal got its first lesson on the board that day, hopping up of its own accord, though it had a lot of trouble staying on. 

"It kept sliding off, but every time you caught a wave it would surf in on the white water," Stanley told BBC.

The guys went in after a while, but they didn't forget about their new pinniped friend. 

“When we got home Andy rang the local marine wildlife authority to make them aware of what occurred just in case the seal was unwell… He didn’t seem unwell when he was surfing in like a pro!” 

Hang fin, little guy!

(by Myka Fox)

5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Ayelet Waldman's sobbing, Kardashian-addicted children.

Ayelet Waldman, novelist and one-half of a literary power couple with Michael Chabon, let her fury fly last night on Twitter after her kids succumbed to their addiction to the Kardashian video game, making $120 in in-game purchases, then pretending it was an accident once mom caught them.

Waldman either knows she's being scammed by her kids and has chosen to punish them by publicly outing them as Kardashian gamers, or she's just trying to scare someone into giving her a refund for the purchases.

There it is. Nice work, Ayelet. Too bad the whole Internet knows your kids are Kardashian mega-fans now.

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4. Kim Kardashian, who is now feeling that 73-day itch.


(via Getty Images)

Waldman and her kids might be feeling victimized by the Kardashian video game, but no one is feeling more tricked and imprisoned than Kardashian herself, who played the game of love and just this morning found herself trapped in a 73-day marriage. That's one day longer than her last marriage, and Kim is surely filling the hours searching for some hint of the sex drive she had on her wedding day, wondering if there's anyone else out there that the E! network might find attractive, and dreading yet another meal where the only conversation is between her and Kanye's silverwear, scraping at the plates of food with peas arranged by their personal chef to spell out "THIS IS THE GREATEST DINNER IN THE WORLD." But is it? After 73 days, is it, still?

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3. Anyone who was ever hoping to dance in public without ending up on the top of BuzzFeed.

For most of the last week, a video sat near the top of BuzzFeed's trending page which featured the not-all-that-remarkable clip of a woman dancing at an outdoor event to an old 90s song. The tagline promised "there may never be anything better." This morning, a video hit BuzzFeed of a man dancing at another outdoor event, and it quickly rose up their trending charts. The tagline for this one reads, "a true Lord of the Dance." Neither tagline is accurate, but both make one thing clear: everyone needs to stop dancing until BuzzFeed decides some other bullshit is viral-worthy. If you even set foot on the dancefloor at your cousin's wedding this weekend, you'll be all over the Internet within hours. At least sit things out during the rest of August, until their "23 Signs Your Dorm Roommate Is Going To Be Your New BFF" lists start to take over.

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2. Fast food burger empires not named McDonalds.


(via Getty Images)

An analysis by Janney Capital Markets financial services firm concluded that fast food burgers are on their way out in America. Or, at least, they aren't as profitable and popular as bear claws and $5 footlongs. Janney predicts that by 2020, the only burger joint in America's top 5 chains will be McDonalds, with Burger King and Wendy's being unseated by young upstarts Dunkin' Donuts and Chick-fil-A

No word on whether the study accounted for which chains can survive apocalyptic conditions after most of the country falls prey to flood, earthquake, drought, and ebola, but its probably Subway. That bread is invincible.

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1. Anyone who really isn't interested in attending Ebola's comeback tour.


(via Getty Images)

It's become pretty predictable. If it got some attention in the 90s, it's inevitable that there's going to be a comeback tour and nostalgia cash-in. While a lot of people were excited by Pixies and Pavement reunions, there are way fewer lining up for the second coming of Ebola. Unfortunately, this mega-virus's comeback jaunt has already made its American debut in Atlanta, and ABC News is now reporting IT MAY HAVE JUST MADE A TOUR STOP IN NEW YORK CITY! Stock up on your fast food meat today. Nobody's making it to 2020.

(by Bob Powers)

You might be an introvert if you are this dog.

Woman delivers epic tirade while being kicked off plane.

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If dangerous drunks are a race, that would indeed make most of us racist.

Congratulations to everyone else on this plane, because they will be able to dominate all dinner party discussions for the next month by regaling everyone with the tale of the drunk woman who refused to get off a plane, threatened to sue the air marshall, and called him and a black security officer racists. 


Look, I don't know what happened before this, besides the imbibing of a lot of alcohol and, apparently, years of racial resentment, but this lady forgot the one fundamental rule of air travel: you check your right to act crazy along with your bags when you get to the airport. Good or bad, it's a fact that all but the drunkest among us remember. Also, whether or not an authority figure is abusing their position, if you are asked whether you want to be picked up or walk out on your own—you should always choose to walk out on your own. If you don't, you'll never get a chance to make a run for it before getting tased. 

As others have pointed out, this kid pretty much sums it all up:


Airline headphones probably work better as earmuffs than as actual headphones.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Seeing other people.

Taylor Swift will apparently just give you $90 if you say you're going to Chipotle.

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Even this fan can't figure out why the hell Swift is doing this. (via Gawker)

Recently, Taylor Swift gave a fan $90 out of her purse for more or less no reason. Yes, because she was hungry, but not in the "global fight against hunger" sense of the word. This fan just saw Taylor Swift in Central Park and decided to get in a boat and paddle over to the celebrity and interrupt her interview with a Rolling Stone reporter. 

After taking some photos, Taylor Swift heard she was going to Chipotle, decided she should have something nice, and gave her $90 in cold, hard cash. 

Whether she meant "something nice at Chipotle" or "please eat somewhere nicer than Chipotle" is unclear. Photos from this day appeared in news outlets, but they were unaware of the cash transfer at the time, and focused on the part where Swift helped the interrupting fan out of her boat while T-Swif was looking super cute AND WEARING HEEEEEEELS!!!!

One of the people with this lucky fan, however, was Alex Garcia, who posted pictures of the cash transfer that have since been deleted. Fortunately, Gawker's Crosstalk blog retained a screenshot.


Dear Guy in Sunglasses: Please teach me your poker face secrets.

I really hope this isn't a viral marketing campaign, since I just reported this morning on John Oliver's takedown of advertising that disguises itself as real content (or worse, real news). Although I suppose "Chipotle: Celebrities Have No Idea What Our Food Is Like" isn't a very good slogan.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Only the good.


The "running away from a T-Rex" wedding photo meme can die happy now that Jeff Goldblum has done it.

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"Ahh, yes. Running. Hmm. Yes, I've never been a big fan of it. Hmm. Is this it?"
(via Adam Biesenthal)

Jeff Goldblum practically invented running away from dinosaurs, and now the man who played Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park can say that he heroically ended it. If you have been to a wedding recently, or have friends on Facebook who have had a wedding recently, or even if you just like looking at pictures of people who do have friends, you're probably aware of the trend of wedding photos where the whole party is running away from a Tyrannosaurus Rex. At first, it was really fun. Then, like all fun things on the Internet, people kept doing it until it wasn't fun anymore. Like a dying star going supernova, though, there's always one last hurrah, and this is it:


Don't you guys know that standing still is the way to evade a T-Rex? 
(via Adam Biesenthal)

Jeff Goldblum may be a lot of things, like insane and part fly, but did you know he's also a human? As such, he has a human fiancée, Emilie Livingston, who has human friends who invite them to weddings. In this case, those friends were fellow humans Pamela and Jesse Sargent, who had hired photographer Adam Biesenthal to capture their wedding. Biesenthal realized who his guests were, and presumably thought to himself, "yes, this is perfect. With Jeff Goldblum here, I will finally be the one to kill this out-of-control monstrosity of a wedding photo that man's arrogance has created."

Thanks, Adam and Jeff. I just hope for Pamela and Jesse's sake that there won't be a sequel. 

(by Johnny McNulty)

Amazing farmer literally plays his trombone until the (entire herd of) cows come home.

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He does not need more cow bell.

Farmer Derek Klingenberg has a farm in Peabody, Kansas where he herds his cattle by summoning them with his trombone. Really. That's what happens. 

From his Facebook page: "Yesterday morning was so beautiful. I left very early in the morning. There is something wonderful about playing a trombone in the middle of a prairie to 380 heifers."

He proves it here by appearing in an empty field and peacefully playing out Lorde's Royals like a midwestern snake charmer until, slowly but steadily, the animals flock to him over the horizon and he is surrounded by his cows, all of them mooing along to the song. 

I was totally charmed by this, too. They say music has charms to soothe the savage beast. None of the cows seemed particularly savage, but maybe that's because they'd been properly soothed. 

(by Myka Fox)

Secret keeper.

Adorable kid apparently can't stop saying "apparently" during interview at a county fair.

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This just in... apparently.

Apparently, Noah Ritter has "never been on live TV before" but, apparently, he's adorable. Newswatch 16's Sofia Ojeda tried to get him to talk about a new ride at the Wayne County Fair, but, apparently, he doesn't watch the news because, apparently, he's a kid.

Apparently, you would think 5-year-old Noah is headed for a life as a reporter, but according to WNEP, he apparently plans to be a paleontologist. 

Apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently apparently.

(by Myka Fox)

Missed connection.

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