A great way to show off your tan is to stand next to my stunningly white body.
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Congratulations on giving your daughter a name that she won't have to change when she becomes a stripper.
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Your out-of-office vacation reply is actually responding to more emails than you ever do.
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — June 18, 2013
Who's giving away Hitler's book? What's Canada ashamed of now? What are New Yorkers screwing up this time? The answers to all that and more in 5 things you should at least pretend to know today!
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I miss you however much you think I should.
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26 sexy bikini photos with something horrifyingly unsexy in background.
Also tagged in this photo: Call your doctor if your erection last more than 4-hours.
As surely as winter brings us snow and spring brings us flowers, so too does summer bring Facebook creepsters a fresh batch of bikini photos to creepily download and use for God knows what. (Full disclosure: God does know what they're used for and he is very disappointed.) Luckily though, for women who don't like feeling violated by guys they're not really even friends with, not all scantily clad beach shots provide the kind of fuel perverts need to get through the day. Here are 26 such photos we hope you enjoy before bikini pictures go away for the next 9 months.
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It stops being a "shocker" when you do it every time.
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — June 19, 2013
What are are Los Angelinos smugly lording over everyone now? How is Starbucks guilting you? Who won the big game last night? OK, you probably know that last one, but check out the rest and more in 5 Things You Should at Least Pretend to Know Today.
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Your summer outfits are more effective than all of my antidepressants.
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It's been too long since we stared at our phones in public together.
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The 14 least motivational signs ever seen at a marathon.
Yea, let's keep our expectations resonable. *Does not apply to Kenyans
If running a marathon is anywhere near as excruciating as listening to someone blabber about how they're training for a marathon, then marathon runners need all the encouragement they can get. Unfortunately, whether by design or accident, not everyone who makes signs to cheer on these gluttons for physical punishment suceeds at their objective. Here are our favorite signs of the unmotivational kind.
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I miss you paying for stuff for me.
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I can't wait to be your first non-straight friend who annoys the hell out of you with baby photos on Facebook.
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Sorry your cute, quirky differences turned out to be devastatingly irreconcilable.
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I just wanted you to know that I noticed you were gone.
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Just wanted to make sure there's no chance of reconciliation before I tell you what an asshole your ex is.
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I miss telling you I need space.
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Sorry I lost weight and we can't share clothes anymore.
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I wish I could divorce my work wife.
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I hope the failure of your marriage helps take your mind off the failure of your career.
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