"I'd like to buy another T-shirt, Pat."(via)

Wheel of Fortune fans will have no trouble spotting the glaring mistake on this Alabama fan's anti-Auburn T-shirt that appeared recently on Twitter.

Did you get it?

Since the second "U" in "Auburn" is revealed, the first one should also be revealed, along with the one in "fuck." Although, it's unlikely "fuck" would be used in a puzzle on the show, so there is a chance that the puzzle hidden on the shirt is "FECK AEBURN," and is referencing some obscure Irish cricket rivalry. It's not likely, I'm just trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt.

There is a chance that the shirt is the work of a clever Auburn fan attempting to create an "idiot Alabama fan" meme. In which case, bravo. That would be pretty epic. But also unlikely.

Sadly, the most plausible scenario is that an Alabama football fan with a poor understanding of the basic rules of either Wheel of Fortune or Hangman came up with an idea for an awesome burn on his team's rivals, and simply fecked up.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Girl, I must warn you...

Ever since Lifetime announced that they were making an unauthorized movie about the Saved By the Bell cast, I almost totally forgot about it. It's been a long summer. But now that we are getting so close to the Sept. 1st air date, I'm so excited about it. I'm so... scared. 

Especially because Lifetime has dropped us a teeny tiny taste of what is in store. 

First things first, the whole teaser is set to Bel Biv DeVoe's Poison. I hope this is an indicator of what is to come, i.e. that the whole movie will be set to Poison on a loop. Please let the whole movie be set to Poison on a loop. 

The teaser starts out with the pretty-damn-close-looking fake cast of Saved By The Bell doing some promo shoots, and there is already so much drama. Fake Lark Voorhies is jealous of fake Tiffany Amber Theissen for flirting with fake Mark Paul Gosselaar. Was Lark really jealous in real life? Who knows?! None of the cast were interviewed for this! 

Featuring Dylan Everett (Degrassi: The Next Generation) as Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Sam Kindseth (Shameless) as Dustin Diamond, Julian Works (Paranormal Activity) as Mario Lopez, Alyssa Lynch as Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, Tiera Skovbye (Supernatural) as Elizabeth Berkley and Taylor Russell McKenzie (Blink) as Lark Voorhies. 

So. Good. 

A couple predictions:

Fake Mario Lopez does some quick military push-ups before every scene in the movie.

O face.

Fake Mark Paul Gosselaar's is never seen without his styrofoam coffee cup so that they can set up a moment where someone knocks it out of his hand. A fight ensues.

It's a latte. He likes his foam in 'foam.

And, hopefully, boning...

more boning...

... and fake Lark doing Thriller.

Remember, it airs on Lifetime, September 1st, at 9pm! I'll be holding a viewing party and playing a game: take a drink every time you see fake Mark Paul Gosselaar holding a styrofoam cup. 

Ready? Set. Go!

(by Myka Fox)

Grrruuuuh? Gruuuuuuuuhhhhhh........ahhh.

I hope you have headphones on, or else your monitor is about to buried underneath a pile of flying clothes when everyone within earshot immediately strips down to their skivvies at the sound of 'Pony Time'—Tim Allen grunting to the tune of Ginuwine's seminal 90s bone-tune, 'Pony.'

DO I REALLY NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS MORE? I DO? WELL, IN THAT CASE, CONGRATS ON BEING A TEENAGER. YOU ARE VERY YOUNG. OR OLD. SORRY.

If you're not currently having sex after hearing that, maybe you're in the mood for more 90s nostalgia, like a sneak peak at The Unauthorized Save By The Bell Story.

(by Johnny McNulty)

1. Obama Promises Not To Drag U.S. Into Another War While Dragging U.S. Into Another War

Liberals and conservatives alike are struggling to figure out how they're supposed to feel about President Obama's announcement yesterday that he is authorizing targeted airstrikes against Islamic militants in Iraq. On the one hand, ISIS is undeniably awful. On the other, Obama is incapable of doing anything right/wrong (depending on your ideology). Hopefully, this will work itself out soon, and we'll be able to get back to despising/adoring him like normal soon enough.

Having a real hard time reconciling these air strikes with the narrative I've chosen to believe of Obama the secret jihadist.

— Moshe Kasher (@moshekasher) August 8, 2014

2. Former SNL Cast Member Victoria Jackson Too (Or Not Sufficiently) Unhinged For Republican Primary Voters

Victoria Jackson—the ukulele-playing former Saturday Night Live cast member and far-right conservative activist—has failed in her primary bid for the county commissioner seat in Williamson County, TN. It's still unclear whether this is due to the Tea Party favorite's woeful inadequacy or woeful over-adequacy for such a position.

Sarah Palin is the Victoria Jackson of Donald Trumps.

— The Night Stalker (@kolchak) August 31, 2013

3. World Health Organization Gives Green Light To Begin Panicking About Ebola In Earnest

Much to the delight of hypochondriacs and chronic worriers everywhere, the World Health Organization has announced that the Ebola pandemic that has been radiating out from West Africa can now be considered an "international emergency" that requires an "extraordinary response." So, feel free to start boarding up your windows and polishing your shotguns.

Not sure what scares me more: ebola or quinoa.

— Doug Abeles (@dougabeles) August 7, 2014

4. 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Shows 'Guardians Of The Galaxy' How To Do Anthropomorphic Animal Movies Wrong

The Michael Bay-produced reboot of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise is opening to generally poor reviews—holding a 21 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes right now—and what's expected to be moderate box office receipts. All this despite having four times as many wise-cracking, anthropomorphic animals and one-fifth as much character development as Guardians of the Galaxy. 

People looking forward to the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie are in deep denial about their clinical depression.

— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) August 6, 2014

5. Mr. Peanut Knocked From His Throne As The King Of All Nuts

Move over, peanuts! There's a new favorite kind of nut in America. Or something. Apparently, health-conscious consumers are now gravitating toward almonds as their nut of choice, with sales of the high-protein food jumping 220 percent in the past decade. 

Diet tip: top your morning oatmeal with toasted almonds and dried cranberries instead of mayonnaise and buffalo wings.

— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) July 3, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

It's music to my rears.

Is it my birthday? Because somebody brought me some really shitty Cupcakes, the newest musical endeavor from Patrice Wilson, the guy who brought us that really shitty Friday song with Rebecca Black and that other strangely racist really shitty Chinese Food song.

The hopeful star featured in this song, Gina Naomi Baez, has either been hiding in a bomb shelter and doesn't know that everything this sleazeball touches turns to shit, or her dream is to become ironically famous for five minutes. If its the latter, I'm happy to help.

Here is Baez's debut, Cupcakes, featuring Tinkerbell the dog and a random homeless person hanging out with children. 

How the hell did this guy talk someone else into letting him rap (let's call it rap) on their song again?

And why did this happen?

This kid totally sums it up.

(by Myka Fox)

School foaming suspect. (via WMAZ)

A fourth grader in Houston, Georgia received a 3-day suspension for bringing a Nerf gun to school, because officials deemed it to be a weapon, and schools don't mess around these days when it comes to anything with the word "gun" in it. With good reason. The problem in this situation, though, is that Ramsey McDonald was following an assignment to "bring in some of your favorite toys."

Scott McDonald said his son told him he was bringing an iPad and a couple of his toys, which sounded okay to him, even though it would've been reasonable to wonder why his kid's teacher would want students bringing toys to school in the first place, as "not enough distractions" isn't one of the many problems facing our education system.

He says if his son told him he was bringing the Nerf gun he would've told him not to. Again, because of the whole "gun" thing. But it's hard to imagine any teacher being shocked that a fourth-grade boy's favorite toy shoots projectiles. That's what boys like. I guarantee he brought the iPad because it had a game on it that involved shooting and killing something.

Similarly, if you ask a group of kids to bring you a favorite item from the cutlery drawer, you're probably going to see a knife or two.

A suspension wouldn't have shocked anyone if he'd somehow managed to take out another boy's eye with a foam ball. But, since it sounds like he didn't even shoot the gun, and the assignment was "favorite toy" and he brought in an item sold in toy stores, you'd think the school would chalk it up to a communication problem.

No such luck. Houston school Supt. Mark Scott spoke with WMAZ:

He declined to discuss the specifics of his case, but said the suspension was not based on school officials viewing the Nerf gun as a dangerous item: "We never viewed that as a weapon."

Had the boy brought an actual weapon to school, Scott said, he probably would have been diverted to an alternative school. The three-day in-school suspension is typically the lightest form of suspension, considered a "minor-level intervention.”

In layman's terms, that roughly translates to "Lawsuits are expensive, we're covering our asses."

(by Jonathan Corbett)

He's looking down in the last photo like he just noticed he grew a new limb.
(via @Gawker)

Today, important Internet blog Gawker posted some images from the set of Idris Elba's new film Hundred Streets, and (as part of their enjoyable ongoing series, "Is This A Dick, Or What?") asked "Is This Idris Elba's Dick, Or What?" It was arguably the most important potential celebrity dong since Jon Hamm set the world on fire two summers ago with his shorts-busting bulge.

Is this Idris Elba's dick or what? http://t.co/HIn5VwlioCpic.twitter.com/QtMoOQU9vo

— Gawker (@Gawker) August 8, 2014

It was a fair question. It looked like that might just be Idris Elba's dick...but it's not. I say that not just because my own ego depends on it, but because I couldn't stop myself from staring right at his crotch until I had solved the mystery (stay in school, kids! You, too, can have an exciting career in blogging). 

The fold in the pants clearly show he dresses to the left. His left, not yours.
(via @Gawker)

First of all, THAT is his dick. Respectable dick. Fine dick. Human dick.

Secondly, you can clearly see in this picture that something has changed. That's because in this picture, he only has one thing in his pocket: a lighter. You can see the lit cigarette in his hand, along with one other item that was almost definitely in his pocket: a phone. This might be enough to have caused that gigantic illusion, but I'll further speculate that since Elba is English, he might prefer Dunhill cigarettes, which come in a wide, flat pack that would match up with the general shape of the bulge.

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: MAY LOOK LIKE A HUGE WANG.
(via Wikipedia)

The photos originally appeared on the English gossip blog Just Jared (it's an English film), and they decided to go the more subtle route with their dick-tease, entitling their post "Idris Elba Hangs His Head Low On 'Hundred Streets' Set." Classy.

Anyway, the balls are in your court, Gawker. I say: not a dick.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Just what every commuters craves: extremely loud singing.

And now an exclusive scene from
'Subway Ride: The Very Loud Musical'

Commuter #1: Gosh, this subway ride is boring!

Commuter #2: Tell me about it! Nothing to do but read our books in peace and consider the important matters of our day.

Commuter #1: If only... something would happen to turn this humdrum commute downtown to a magical journey into the heart of viral marketing.

Commuter #2: Whatever do you mean?

Commuter #1: Oh, I don't know. Like if, say, some person on this car with us suddenly started chanting foreign words in the loudest, most aggressively distracting voice imaginable. And then literally 90 percent of the rest of the people on this train started to sing along with her until this isolated metal tube in which we're all trapped was resonating with the cacophonous sounds of one of Disney's biggest money-makers in the international conglomerate's history.

Commuter #2: But what are the odds of something like that happeni— Hey... What's going on over here?

Commuter #1: Wow!

Commuter #2: I love you, Commuter #1!

Commuter #1: And I love Disney's The Lion King Broadway experience, coming to a major metropolitan city near you. Tickets available now and for the remainder of humanity's time on this planet.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Wanna hear a joke?

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

The interrupting lion.

The interr--

Roarrrrr!!!!

Apparently, August 10th is World Lion Day, and to bring attention to lion conservation, Kevin Richardson, The Lion Whisperer, would like to tell you a few things. Only, he can't. Tau, the actual lion, thinks he can do a better job.

Go ahead, Tau, you have the floor.

With a special appearance by Napoleon's leg. 

Good job, lions. 

(by Myka Fox)

Brian Barrett is a very funny guy (and Editor-in-Chief of Gizmodo) who lives in Birmingham, Alabama. He's also a big fan of Antiques Roadshow. Unfortunately, when the Roadshow came to town, he didn't have any actual antiques for them to evaluate. Except, of course, for his television, which at 8 years old is a relic by consumer electronics standards (I myself have a vintage Samsung that came from the historic Going Out Of Business Sale of Circuit City in the Winter of Aught-Nine). So, he got it checked out by a real Roadshow evaluator. 

He wrote a really funny long article about the process, which you can read over at Gizmodo.

(by Johnny McNulty)

With my luck, I'd have something metal in my pocket on the bottom layer. (via reddit)

Redditorstou was doing the flying thing recently when he spotted some fellow travelers having trouble at the check-in. They were flying from Singapore to Sydney, Australia, but the desk agent told them that their carry-on bags were over the free weight limit and that they would have to pay $130 in fees.

They opted for a different plan. The two guys, who are apparently from San Francisco, cut this Gordian Knot by putting on layer after layer of clothes, thus reducing the weight in their bag back down to free levels. Apparently, this really irritated the airline agent in Singapore, and stou overheard the agent tell them "something along the lines of 'I am going to come to the gate and make sure you are still wearing everything.'" No word on whether there was a follow-up at the gate, although I'd hate to be the third person in their airplane row when they start taking all that off.

IF I BUY IT, WILL IT GIVE ME IN-GAME CREDIT
FOR KIM KARDASHIAN: HOLLYWOOD?PLEASE???

We reported recently that Kim Kardashian was in the grips of a brutal selfie addiction, having taken 1,200 of the damn things while on a family vacation in Thailand. Like so much else with Kim, it turns out that she was crazy...crazy like a fox. Kim, aka Kardashian Prime, has inked a deal to sell a coffee table book of her selfies in April 2015 through the high-end publisher Rizzoli. With 352 pages, it's practically a steal at $19.95—although who is being stolen from depends on your opinion of Kim.

Isn't it time we just admitted that Kim has us beat, fair and square? I could sit here and act like I'm the guardian of high culture and rant about how the Kardashians are somehow destroying America, but it has honestly gotten to the point where I'm like "OK, I just want to know her secrets. How does she do it?" Her iPhone app is on track to make $200 million this year, she's married to one of the biggest names in music, she never stops working, and now she's got her own Rizzoli coffee table book?

I know it's repulsive to hear, but: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em...and I don't think it's possible to defeat Kim at this point. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm downloading the game. I'm buying all the DVD sets. I used to think that when the Apocalypse arrives, it would be Beyonce who would unite the survivors from the ashes. Now, with the endless rumors that Bey and Jay are on the rocks, I feel like the Era of Kim, which we thought was fading, is in fact just beginning. When Kim becomes our supreme overlord (I'm not counting on Kanye to make it...just Kim) in the inevitable war with the Beyoncites, let it be remembered that I picked sides here. Hail Kardashydra.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Bleep bleep bloop.

Hey, remember The Matrix Reloaded? Yeah, I kind of do as well. I didn't totally hate it either. I'll say this for it: It was definitely not completely boring as far as unnecessary sequels go. Right? So, that's kind of a success.

But I suppose I do have one problem with it—aside from it being mostly forgettable and overlong by at least 45 minutes and having an emotionless cypher as a protagonist and about fourteen other things—and that's that it didn't really have any stakes. When you know that you can't kill the hero, you really have very little reason to pay attention to any of the action scenes, so you might as well be watching your older brother play Nintendo downstairs in the basement. It doesn't matter what happens onscreen, and you're not gonna get to play regardless. 

It seems as though somebody drew a similar connection and decided to reimagine one of the sillier fight scenes from Reloaded with an 8-bit soundscape reminiscent of our favorite old video games. And you know what? Big improvement! See for yourself:

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Dude! Cool it with the drumming, or else!

Have you ever lived with a drummer? Or someone who thinks they're a drummer? I do not recommend it. Taking up the drums requires a number of key attributes, and rhythm really isn't even the most important of them. That one's actually pretty far down on the list, below tolerance for loud noises, disregard for other people's sanity and enjoyment of smashing things.

Having said that, I think that when you watch this video of a Boston terrier taking his person's annoying drum habit into his own hands (or, to be more specific, "jaws"), you'll know with whom I'm empathizing:

Sorry, little guy, but he has more drumsticks. They always do. I don't even know where they get them from.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Mess with the mixer, you get more than the horn.

There are plenty of reasons not to cut off a cement mixer on the highway. For one, if they rear-end you hard enough, there's a good chance it'll take the Jaws of Life and a hose to get all of you off the road. That's why the lady driving the black car in this video should consider herself lucky. Although, she probably didn't feel that way as the truck pushed her down highway like nerd getting "the business" from a playground bully.

The guy who shot the video was so startled by what he saw that he nearly ran off the road himself trying to film it. He's lucky he didn't swerve to his left, because I'd hate to find out how the driver of that truck reacts after his second collision of the morning.

(by Jonathan Corbett)