It's hard to miss you when you post a selfie everyday.
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35 unintentionally sexual church signs.
Jesus is the ultimate friend with benefits.
These inadvertently erotic billboards spotted outside various places of worship look like the work of some extremely naive — or severely repressed — church employees. Luckily, those of us who've already double-stamped our tickets to Hell are physically incapable of overlooking a dick joke. Here are some of our favorite cases of "That's what He said."
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There's got to be an easier way to make a living than barely doing anything at my job all day.
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — June 20, 2013
What are our old friends in the Taliban up to? Why are investors terrified the economy is doing better? WTF is "hockey"? All this and more in 5 Things You Should at Least Pretend to Know Today.
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Congrats on it now being appropriate when you don't wear your wedding ring in public.
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It means a lot to me that you expected nothing more than this birthday ecard from me.
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If ads for athletic gear were honest.
When it comes to products that purport to make the average person run faster and jump higher despite the average person's embarrassing lack of athleticism and physical fitness, needless to say, bulls**t is what sells. But suppose for a minute that there were a brutally honest Don Draper out there just waiting to tell you the truth about the crap he was selling? What would that look like? Here are our best guesses.
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I wish you were here in bed with me for 15 minutes.
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A guy got caught cheating on his girlfriend. As punishment, she sent him on a really humiliating scavenger hunt.
The Redditor who posted this provided little context beyond the post's title, "Cheating Boyfriend sent on a scavenger hunt." We'd love to know a little more. For example, once the "loser boyfriend" completed this hunt, was the infidelity forgiven? Is it really a good idea to punish a cheating boyfriend by making him go up to strange women and do nice things for them, at which point he'll probably have to explain that he cheated and is being punished, which basically announces to them, "I am historically unfaithful to my girlfriend, so if you want to sleep with me after I do something nice for you, that's an option."
Also, "Ask a woman wearing high heels to massage her feet?" This is a sex game, right? He cheats. She commands him to go out and humiliate himself by wearing women's clothing. This is a dirty little game for a couple who gets off on punishment and public humiliation and they're probably masturbating to you reading this right now. Sorry to involve you in such a sick, twisted game.
Next time just send him a breakup card >>
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I miss you enough to send an ecard.
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The only thing that could soften the loss of James Gandolfini would be a loss by the Miami Heat.
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No matter if the Miami Heat win or lose their fans will be there for them if they win.
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Today's forecast calls for near record swamp ass.
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The only thing I hate more than people with summer houses are people who don't invite me to their summer houses.
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Let's get together to watch the only interesting professional basketball game of the entire year.
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Summer Fridays have made Summer Thursdays as productive as Summer Fridays.
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James Gandolfini's heart attack at age 51 has inspired me to get in better shape after I finish rewatching all six seasons of The Sopranos.
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All I've learned from my mistakes is that I can't stop repeating them.
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I'm afraid the thin person inside me trying to get out just decided to stay and get fat too.
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Let's celebrate being nowhere near Miami Heat fans celebrating this weekend.
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