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Not surprising.


This cat loves sleeping with its pink fluffy bunny toy.

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"It's just me and you against the world, pink fluffy bunny."

Some day, when the miseries of the world are pressing down upon you, when the harsh realities of existence have come pouring in through the breaches in your psychological armor, when all feels hopeless and happiness seem an impossible fantasy, think of this video. Consider this cat and its little pink fuzzy bunny huddled together for safety against the cruelties of an unforgiving, uncaring universe. Hold this image as tightly as this kitten is holding its soft ever-comforting friend.

Or just watch this video now. Either way, it's pretty cute.    

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

6 new contenders for the single most enjoyable note ever written by a coworker.

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Clearly the work of a career food thief.(via)

Adults are basically just children who've grown fat, watched their dreams die, and learned to shrink from confrontation. So it follows that the modern workplace is just as petty and territorial as your typical elementary school playground, except there's a lot less spitting and hair-pulling, and a lot more bitchy note-writing. The most successful workplace notes strive to entertain just as much as they impolitely advise and chastise, and the notes collected here are some of the best of the medium.


Can never be sure when you work at Disney.(via)

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The time on the microwave speaks volumes.(via)

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Thanks, but I've already got a paper strips guy.(via)

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The law offices of Passive, Aggressive and Annoying.(via)

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"So it is written, so it shall be flushed."(via)

(updated 9.08.14)


"That's so funny, because I lick your pens too!" (via)

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Recurring dreams go in the blue bin.(via)

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Nice thought, especially considering the source.(via)

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You'd think at this point it would be up for grabs.(via)

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Thanks, but that doesn't really solve the problem. (via)

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It's not what you think - a guy named "Jack" took a half-day.
To masturbate.
(via)

Updated 8.11.14


Episode VIII: The Cubicle Menace. (via)

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Caution: Faint while using the urinal and you'll never hear the end of it.(via)



Gas station spelling error. It's supposed to say "Pimp 6."(via)



For Rachel's sake, I hope she's leaving.(via)



Asking for trouble in a mostly female office.(via)



"Wide awake... staring at this blank screen." (via)

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Who do I see about getting a glass of milk?(via)



That is one low bar for "nice things."(via)



Keep it up and the printer will outlast you.(via)



"Thanks for reminding me.. to let it gooooo!"(via)


Don't encourage them!(via)

 Never forget 5.05.14 (via)

Updated 6.10.14

"I'd actually prefer to speak with your commanding officer." (via)

So you're saying it's organic? (via)



Someone's making this way too complicated. (via)



Time to strat over. (via)



Saying goodbye with cat litter box cake.(via)


"Oh my God! I'm spilling my coffee everywhere!"(via)


Thanks! How about an aisle traffic report? (via)


And productivity is down.(via)

 


This must not be the first time the pot was left empty.(via)

 


"Yes! I can do this!"(via)

 


This is the storyboard for Taken 9: Office Hijinks.(via)

 


Two weeks later I bet it's still sitting there. (via)
 

Updated 4/16/14


"You mean the one with the reindeers and all the fingerprints?" (via)

 


Also good for sending passive aggressive messages to grimy coworkers.(via)

 


Whether it's toilet seats or soup, no one likes a cold bowl.(via)

 


As an optimist, I'm guessing cupcake.(via)

 


One is obviously for the personal use of the genius who wrote the note. (via
 


Ew! He didn't even lift up the seat! (via)

 


Coffee burn!(via)

 


Lee should report Steve's "XO" to HR. (via)

 


As an optimist, I see the sink as half-empty.(via)

 


It's "demasiado," dum-mas. (via)

 


Every picture tells a story. This one looks disgusting. (via)

 


I guess "please flush" wasn't doing the trick.(via)

 

Updated 2/10/14:


Please make sure your kitchen notes adhere to AP style, thx. (Via)

 


Easier than trying to figure out what that little icon on the tray is supposed to mean.(Via)

 


Fine, we'll pass the time by touching each other.(Via)

 


Betting those messy dishes are less unsightly than a wall full of memes.(Via)

 


Of course she did. Even expired Rolos are still better than non-expired everything else. (Via)

 


Well, Luke, thanks for all the hours you've logged. (Via)

 

Updated 11/19/13:


All is forgiven, Lee. Easy on the sprinkles next time. This isn't kindergarten. (Via)

 


Printers don't have mothers. They burst forth from hell and land directly on Best Buy shelves.(Via)

 


They need to stop hiring out-of-work wizards onto the cleaning staff.(Via)  

 


Darcy might have an eating disorder. Or he needs a raise. (Via)

 


Bet they have to put up a new sign come January.(Via)

 


I'd never complain about meetings running long if they were run by Bussiness Cat. (Via)

 

Update 10/16/13:


Still doesn't look secure. He should have put the filing cabinet on top of it for weight.

 



Guess some people like to make signs at the urinal instead of conversation.

 


A pen so awesome it will make you racist against yourself.

 


A delicious treat and it makes you regular? Sign us up!

 


Don't fall for the sign. They eat donuts really awkwardly too.

 


I like this office. They don't mess around.

Updated 9/19/13:


...and coffee is the only thing that puts us back together.

 


She went out of her way to make such a nice sign. She porbably appreciates the notes.

 


Probably a restaurant. Anyone with a special "pasta fridge" in their office has no right to be angry.

 


No, honey, I haven't been kissing anyone. I've just been stealing food.

 


Did she spell "highness" wrong? Or "You're"?

 


Worst. Day care center. Ever.

 

Updated 8/20/13:


I'd brew me. I'd brew me so hard.

 


Offices shouldn't be telling us how to love!

 


Open casket. It woud have wanted it that way.

 


The signs are breeding.

 


Say yes indeed to weed.

 


They really need to clean that vending room if it's got a groundhog problem.

 

Updated 7/24/13:


Alert. Pointless Signs!

 


If you'd taught the kitten to attack, the Tupperware thief would have been dead already.

 


Hopefully our time machines will be more reliable than our copy machines.

 


We all have our signature style.

 


The TL;DR version of the above.

 


Speak for yourself. My nickels give me balance.

 

Updated 6/27/13:


Physician, heal thyself.

 


You've got to really love stealing office equipment if you're taking the drains.

 


We'd risk our job for half an oreo.

 


Side-note: Keurig coffeee is always horrible. We'd quit if they started making us use those K-cups.

 


So medium-sized poos are cool?

 


If you know the author of this sign, withold your love from them. They are undeserving of love.

 

Updated 5/31/13:

 


Thanks for the choices! We'll take option B.

 



This is why we don't let our utensils date.

 


Follow the old ladies. They know where the comfier chairs are.

 


Or just burst in. It's adorable watching them scurry under their desks.

 


But we took the red pill! You have no choice when you work in an office.

 

Updated 4/11/13:


You mean besides cut-up chickens, pigs, cows, and probably horses if this is Europe?

 


"Pardon me, I was just wondering where I could get one of those signs!"
 


Some people give a shit; others take them without warning during the work day.
 


Office communications are so much clearer when there's clearly no HR.
 


Sounds like a cheesy cheddar challenge! ...aaaand there's a fire.
 


That chair wanted to hold the ass of a big start-up entrepeneur, but she got an IT guy.

Updated 3/11/13:


This is why we microchipped all our pens. Too many sickos out there.
 


Memes: The best passive-aggressive retort there is.

 


Maybe we should all just switch to "Ur" for everything and stop embarrassing ourselves.

 


I'm sorry. Your husband didn't put a lid on his reheated pasta. Now you have to pay.

 


He might have fun. He might also discover who he was meant to be.

 


This note is also works great when you put it on the office door of your least favorite coworker.

 

Updated 1/28/13:


When will Serge and Wendall stop this bickering and realize they're in love...with pee?

 


Please try to achieve the level of joylessness that's expected of you.

 


The plate kidnapped itself, Lebowski. It owed crumbs all over town.

 


We were going to drop some M-80s down its drain, but the sledgehammer sounds fun too.

 


If our workplace instituted this rule we'd strike.

 


The zombie thing is cute, but does the original sign mean you could really lose your job for eating someone's hot pocket?

 

Updated 12/10/12:


That stuff really works, btw. We can steal Karen's yogurt whenever we want now!

 


It's worth the $18/hour. Sandra is an absolutely scintillating conversationalist. You'll weep.

 


That drain sucks!

 


They still don't know who shot that room.

 


Matt doesn't have a whole lot going on for himself right now.

 


These facility repairs will be seen as cheesy at first, but will attain a cult status when they hit video.

 


Fran will devote the rest of her days to making you shit too much.

 

Updated 10/10/12:


"Did you see Homeland last night? It made me reflect on Plato's Cave and ideal forms." 

 


The prophet Isiah said one day a female Messiah shall deliver women from Aunt Flo.
 


Dietary harassment is a growing problem in the modern, fat workforce.

 


That mug is the reason local news now shows Ceramic Alerts.
 


Something tells us that guy likes to push everyone's buttons a lot.

 


After all, if you don't throw out the box, no one else can put in food to steal.

 


That lack of self-control also applies to resisting the urge to write passive-agressive notes.

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People who really should have checked the background of their photos before putting them online.

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Big-Gut is real. Believe.

Dildos. Tampons. Grandparents. Butts. What do these things have in common? They are often in the backgrounds of photos taken by people who leave their dildos, tampons, old people and naked butts out so often they didn't even notice that they were there. As more and more of our lives are captured in photos and videos, the risk of our embarrassing personal items/body parts continues to rise, until finally we'll be forced to hide all of our embarrassing things before we turn on our devices every morning because the world is one giant webcam. On the other hand, it won't be all bad because we'll get to look at everyone else's embarrasing stuff. Like these folks:


Hint: Aunt Sally is crouching behind grandpa.

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I'll go first: I offer myself as sacrifice to this dress!

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Any kid who can steal the focus away from four pretty ladies is going places in life.

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"Grandma's retirement home is like college, except no one has class or cares about STDs."

Updated 8/11/14:


I'm surprised the phone isn't an Android.
 

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It took me a long time to realize that Georgia was a dog.
I just thought that was a really rude way of describing this part of Georgia.

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You should also do it for the love of dog, because they don't like being merkins.

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Stacks 'n stacks 'n stacks of high-quality printer paper.

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Her skin issues require being surrounded by tons of healthy skin.
Also, don't think it's a dude.
 

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I don't know who any of these people are, but I'm mostly interested in Bigfoot. 



IT SAYS "MUD." MUD. IT'S A MAKEUP BRAND. LOOK IT UP. "MUD," THAT IS!

Updated 7/7/14:


But when I say it's just the pants making it look that way, no one believes me.


Consider it a preview of everything before potty training is done.

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I can't tell if he's being dangled or retrieved.

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Say what you will, this kid will grow up to be great on social media. 


All the ladies are wearing them at the Kentucky Derby these days.


Technically that's in the foreground, but it started in the background, and they
really should have checked.

Updated 6/6/14:


I hope they checked the caliber of his diaper before doing that.
(via)

To be fair, this guy is kind of a dick for making this photo all about him. (via)

Man, there's just boobs coming out of the woodworks these days. (via)

5 minutes later he walked by again. And then 5 minutes after that. And so on.(via)

Bonus TV background checks:="text-align:>

Raising the bar, dude. Raising the bar.

Not technically uploaded online, but someone should have cut away here. (via)

Updated 5/5/14:


Selfies really do reveal a lot more about you than you intend. (via)


I guess they got two copies so their kids can watch a dvd that's never been seen by
someone smoking a crack pipe. 
(via)


A great part of traveling is seeing how other people behave on the beach.(via)
 


Son, you'll always remember when I took your picture tonight in my tighty-whiteys. (via)
 


I'm more interested in meeting the people behind you and to the left. (via)
 


Someone has really thought of everything for tonight, not even including the Miller High Lifes,
clothes hangers and remotes.
(via
 


That's a cute top. That, on the other hand, is a horrifying bottom. (via)

Updated 4/2/14:


Just a long, curved toothbrush holder in case she needs to freshen up at the dance. (via)
 


She should've checked her background in real life, as well.(via)
 


Ah. The romance of what is hopefully Europe.(via)
 


Either way, these two are exhibiting great teamwork.(via)
 


Sweater made me think bowling alley, but now I'm more worried 'cuz it looks like Denny's.
(via)


I'm more concerned about that old dude barging in like that. 
(via)
 


Apparently, the person who posted this had it on their fridge for years before noticing.
(via)
 

Updated 3/5/14:


Small and available beats huge and nonexistant. (via)
 


Sometimes even white linen suits could stand to be a little breezier. (via)
 


This is a brief way of summing up college. (via)
 


In case you ever wondered what happened to the guy who built a 6-foot bong in college. (via)
 


Road Rassh. (via) 
 


Someone's nephew wanted to share his video game stats.  He also shared his love of
beautiful, sensual women who love the same thing. Also, he is not TechnoViking.
(via)

Updated 1/07/14:


If you turn the picture upside down, you can see the same shape between the glasses. (via)
 


Goodbye University, Hello Unemployableness! (via)
 


I can't believe this creep is wearing sunglasses indoors. (via)
 


It turns out Christians find cows holy after all.
(via)
 


We must all be on the lookout for small men riding our family members. (via)
 


Yeah, you're probably not going to have 147 updates anymore once this gets out. (via)

Updated 11/18/13:


The ass is coming from inside the house.
 


Can we talk about the angle of that woman's arm? Definitely more disturbing than the coke.
 


I now realize all my friends' annoying gym statuses could be a lot worse.

 


And why shouldn't Grandma be proud? Those muscles are made of her cooking.

 


Only in New York! Or, wherever this is. Only in wherever, am I right?

 


The really weird thing? It's not a mirror, it's a window! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN.

Updated 10/14/13:


I don't care if she is a little tall, young lady, you do not call a giraffe your grandma.
 


I assume we're all laughing at his Wall of Hats.
 


Oh my god, are those Uggs back there? That is revolting.
 


I'm pretty sure that man just successfully shoplifted some produce in his pants.

 


Can we talk about how wearing sunglasses is already like blurring your eyes?
 


More like the cat should have checked the foreground of his picture, am I right?

Updated 9/12/13:


Oh, hello Robin Thicke. Is sliding fingers up not-your-wife's butt a blurred line?
 


Why does he think people on the subway want to see that shade of blue?
 


There are times I'm glad the zoom technolgies on CSI are impossible.
 


The pre-show was them making violent threats from the casting couch.
 


Who just leaves bottled water out in the open like that?

Updated 8/09/13:


It's like a Calvin and Hobbes sticker come to life.
 


These bees have weird stingers. 
 


Could it be more disturbing? Try to rule out the possibility that it's a dead deer. See?
 


That is not a ladies' room, and suddenly the whole world is in question.

 


No wonder that man in the back doesn't need to care what he looks like.

 


I'm pretty sure the Wizard is in there too, but I can't find him!

Updated 7/18/13:


Good question, person who inserted that arrow. Who needs that much generic Immodium?
 


I guess the guy in the background is grabbing the gun in his underwear.
 


The dress says a night out. The item on the dresser suggests otherwise.
 


Granted, modesty doesn't seem to be the theme of whatever show they're prepping.

 


Ah, 2007. An more innocent time when people just let their dildos hang out wherever.
 


Folow-up question: his ball, where is it? 

Updated 6/21/13:


They're like cleavage twins, except one of the twins is way less attractive.
 


Those kangaroos took the only shot they had at making a sex tape involving Paris Hilton.
 


That woman is riding a mechanical bull, FYI, not receiving oral sex from Satan.
 


The fourth leg of any good triathalon involves a marathon ball-scratching session.
 


We understand, rocker lady. Bassists never get the groupies.
 


It's unclear whether or not he's peeing, but he's clearly not in the bathroom.

Updated 5/23/13:


What makes this exponentially worse is he was being interviewed about the Boston bombing.


Why are his shades pixelated but not his ass in the mirror?

 

"And in the back, you can see James doing his pre-workout cleanse." (pause at 00:21)
 


Love and marriage, love and marriage, they go together like a baby and dru-ugs.
 


Is that the same pink dildo the Boston guy had?

 


Guess there's more than one stuffed animal in this house. HEY-O. Sorry.

 


Maybe instead of Facebook you should upload this to, we don't know, the police?

 


We're glad everything cleared up in time for you.
 


It is not a nice day for a white wedding.

 


No, Mitch. We all lost, thanks to you.

Low bar.

Prince of naps.

Non-royal celebration.

New law provides free weed to low-income residents.

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I've been staring at this for five minutes but I'm still not high.

Good news for low-income potheads and bad news for those who don't like those who are "low-income" or "potheads": Berkeley just passed a law to give free weed to poor people.

That's right, it's weed welfare and it's coming to Berkeley, California in August 2015. 

The law passed states that medical dispensaries will be required to set aside 2 percent of their stash for those with medical marijuana prescriptions who make under $32,000/year, or less than $46,000/year for families. You know what they say, "the family that vapes together, stays together," or something like that.

Even though this law is a new mandate, it turns out many of the dispensaries have already been providing mercy weed for the poor. “We do this on our own, so we certainly welcome the city mandating that all dispensaries create these sorts of programs,” said Sean Luse, chief operating officer of Berkeley Patients Group told Berkeleyside. After all, that's what Jesus would do.

But it's not what all of Jesus's followers would do. Bishop Ron Allen, head of the International Faith Based Coalition and former drug addict, is pissed. “It’s ludicrous, over-the-top madness,” Allen told Fox News. “Why would Berkeley City Council want to keep their poverty-stricken under-served high, in poverty and lethargic?”

Chill, dude. As Luse told CBS San Francisco, “We’ve found out over the years that one of the cruel realities is that when you do get sick and you have a serious illness is that it’s often hard to keep a job, can be hard to keep your income up, so those people really need the help the most.” 

(by Myka Fox)


Curb your depression.

This screaming old couple have loudly announced their candidacy for Worst Neighbors Ever.

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Their love goes to eleven.

Despite the fact that the first words we hear are "calm down and relax," there is absolutely nothing calming or relaxing about this video. The clip--which contains NSFW language!-- is titled Neighbors from Hell. Huntington Beach, CA, and its two screaming stars, Lady Truck Driver and Guy on a Scooter, are so thoroughly unpleasant and display such awful behavior, that they give a bad name to old people, overweight people, people who ride scooters, truck drivers, shirtless dudes, Huntington Beach, California, people who film their screaming neighbors, people who write about them, and people who read about them. Basically, they're a bad look for the entire human race.

The video was shot by Sarah Oliver, who wrote, "Common weekly occurrence with this insane neighbor. She throws things, beats her boyfriend, drives into stuff. All time day and night. When she backed up the first time in this video she hit my car." The good news is she got it on tape. The bad news is that she has to live next door to these lunatics.

So the next time you read or hear the words "Huntington Beach, California" and think "must be nice," remember these two, and be thankful you don't live anywhere near them.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Paws and reflect.

There was an NFL hit so hard this weekend, it became a lesson in both anatomy and physics.

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Newton's First Law of Sports Motion: an object at rest is about to get its bell rung.

What you are seeing is a collision between San Francisco safety Antoine Bethea and Dez Bryant, who (in addition to being a wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys) is a living crash test dummy. In fact, if the entire Cowboys team was put into one body, it would have looked a lot like Dez Bryant in this clip throughout the first half of Sunday's game against the 49ers, when San Francisco scored 28 points in the first quarter and intercepted three of Tony Romo's passes. There's actually an interception in this video, which I actually didn't even notice at first over the massive hit.

As long as players are keeping this kind of behavior out of elevators, though, I think it will be a great season.

(by Johnny McNulty)

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - September 8, 2014

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1. Ravens' Ray Rice Forced To Endure Draconian Two-Game Suspension For Simply Beating His Girlfriend About The Face A Little

The Baltimore Ravens were forced to suspend star running back Ray Rice after news surfaced that he was caught by an elevator security camera punching his then-fianceé Janay Palmer in the face. Though his absence will surely be felt by the team, players have to learn that if they're going to break the skulls of the women in their lives, they should not be doing it in a manner that could allow footage to leak online

Update: Ray Rice has been cut from the Ravens, with in indefinite suspension from NFL. Wow. Punishments like this are usually reserved for players who get caught smoking pot.


2. New DNA Evidence Conclusively Reveals Identity Of Jack The Ripper Until The New New Evidence Arrives

Researchers, using DNA-testing, have once again discovered the true identity of legendary killer Jack the Ripper. According to the newest batch of groundbreaking evidence, the killer was Aaron Kosminski, a 23-year-old Jewish-Polish immigrant. Walter Sickert was the last person who was conclusively proven to be the killer. It remains to be seen who will be conclusively proven to be the killer next.


3. Neil Patrick Harris Thoughtlessly Forgets To Invite Paparazzi To His Secret Wedding

Neil Patrick Harris was married to his longtime partner David Burtka over the weekend. Unfortunately, the only images we have of the event come from Harris himself, as it seems the 41-year-old actor and singer forgot to let the entertainment press know about the ceremony.


4. Russia Is Invading Germany With Its Radioactive Boars

Apparently unsatisfied with occupying Crimea with its soldiers, Russia has been allowing its wild boars—irradiated from the former nuclear power facility Chernobyl—to filter into Germany. One-third of all boars currently wandering around the Saxony region of eastern Germany are exhibiting dangerously high radioactivity levels.


5. Slight Majority Wants Scotland To Be Its Own Shitty Country

According to the newest poll numbers, 51 percent of the Scottish residents of the United Kingdom are planning to vote for independence in an upcoming election on September 18. There is currently huge momentum behind this effort to change Scotland into one of the worst countries in Europe instead of just one of the worst regions of the U.K.  


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Olive Garden is giving money away in the form of saucy noodles.

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"When you're here, you're the size of a family." (Via Olive Garden)

It's happening. Olive Garden is taking its famous "Never Ending Pasta Bowl," which usually ends the second you heft yourself up from the table, and they're making it never-ending-er. Starting today at 3pm, they will be offering the "Never Ending Pasta Pass," a $100 pass that entitles you to unlimited pasta, breadsticks, and soda for seven uninterrupted weeks starting September 22nd. That's 49 gluttonous days of gluten.

If you went to the Times Square location in NYC and ordered their $15.49 spaghetti and meatballs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, after 7 weeks you would have spent $2,277.03. If pasta dollars were a real currency, with the pass you'd be ahead $325 in pasta dollars a week! You can't afford not to buy that pass!

Of course, if everyone took advantage of this deal, Olive Garden would be moving into your home and selling olive pits on the side of the road by the end of the first week, so they've limited the promotion to only the first 1,000 people to take advantage of this offer. THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO GO BUY IT NOW!

GO! 

You're still here? Who are you, Rockefeller?

(by Myka Fox)

​Neil deGrasse Tyson Is The Smartest Scientist: A Study

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by Dan Abromowitz

Introduction

It almost goes without saying that many scientists are very smart. Einstein, for example. However, as in so many scientific pursuits – the search for the highest number, the smallest atom, the very hungriest caterpillar – inquiring minds must ever turn towards determinatorics of the highest magnitude. The world of science is as vast as it is deep, and nearly as wide; it is therefore thus that certain pronouncements must be made periologically by which to hierarchize, ordinate, and prognologicaste the contours of the scientific world.

It is thus, therefore, that we determine which scientist is the smartest scientist, such that subsequently we may know who the smartest scientist is.

Hypothesis: Neil deGrasse Tyson is the smartest scientist.

Methods

Beyond being a no-brainer, Neil deGrasse Tyson's conspicuous smarts as a scientist are on display in a variety of media: his starring role in Cosmos (starring! haha), a TED talk he gave, his very dope and excellent memes, and furthermore moreovers, demonstrating his extremely good scientific methods, and rigor. But is he the smartest one? We compared Neil to a number of his most popular competitors and contemporaries, taking into account viral potency, whether they seem chill and badass, how smart they are, and whether or not they are Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Results

Bill Nye: "Science Guy," whatever that is. Knows only the most basic science concepts (friction, gravity, etc.). Terrific bone structure. Is frequently on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Real scientist. Knows everything about the known universe. Knows that looks don't matter and what's inside counts. Is constantly on television.

...

Albert Einstein: Knew a lot of science. Known for a whole slew of quotations which he may or may not have said. Often portrayed on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Knows more science. On video saying every smart thing he's ever said. Always portrays himself.

...

Alan Turing: Father of modern computing. Cracked Nazi codes. Chemically castrated for his sexuality. Not on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: All over the internet, making him the Holy Ghost of modern computing. Born in a world without Nazis, making him untainted by evil. Virile. Is on television.

...

Stephen Hawking: Has a computer at all times to do all his calculations. Lackluster stage presence. Sometimes on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Based on available evidence, does all his calculations in his head. Dynamic and energizing presence. More often on television.

...

Marie Curie: Spent her whole life goofing around with radioactive material and died. Not on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Would not do that. Is on television.

...

Carl Sagan: Former host of Cosmos. Did drugs. Wrote Contact in which he revealed his belief that aliens will appear to us as our dads, a horrible notion. No longer on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Current host of Cosmos. Hates drugs. America's science dad, and, if he wrote a movie, would have the good sense to cast Matthew McConaughey at the peak of his career, not the nadir. Still on television.

...

Beakman, from Beakman's World: Pervert, coward. No longer on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Gentle giant, trustworthy friend to children the world over. Still on television.

...

Niels Bohr: We don't know who this guy is.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: We know who this guy is!!

Discussion

Neil deGrasse Tyson is the smartest scientist and anyone who says otherwise is probably dumb enough to believe in God.

Follow Dan Abromowitz on Twitter.


This jealous, whining Great Dane is a really huge baby.

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The North American Drama Queen.

It's hard to say who comes off looking worse in this video, the 200-pound, 4-legged baby, or the 200-pound dude teasing Dinky the Great Dane in a baby voice. Regardless, it's pretty funny to see a dog that size so jealous of his brother RoRo getting attention that he starts whining, growling, howling, mumbling and nudging before finally collapsing in despair on the couch.

Between Dinky's whining and the tantrum-throwing Husky from a few days ago, this has not been a good week for the reputation of "manly dogs."

The owner might want to be careful how far he pushes this beast. Because a lot of jealous dogs might rip up a pillow or chew on a shoe out of frustration, but Dinky is capable of tearing the tires off his car.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Fight ISIS, play with goats!

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Meanwhile, in Syria.

The Kurdistan Worker's Party, also known as the PKK, have been struggling to defend Iraq and Syria from the advancing Islamic State, but you don't have to research the Middle East to enjoy watching them spend their down time with a goat wearing a bandana.

The game they've created is more similar to something you would find at a summer camp than in a war-torn territory, but by the looks of this video, the members of the PKK are able to lift their troubles from their backs as easily as if they were jumping goats.

(by Myka Fox)

Back To School Sadness: John Oliver explains how student debt will ruin everything.

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College used to be the end of this movie, now it's just the beginning.

Congratulations, college students, on embarking on the journey of a lifetime: the slow climb out of debt that will probably end when you die and pass that debt on to your children (because they can do that now). Even if you are going to one of America's premiere universities, the amount of debt you will probably incur will be a major burden, and it will somehow be even worse for the kids who are new freshmen in 4 years. Of course, that's just a walk in the park compared to the people who got suckered into paying for courses at for-profit universities, which stand-up comics have known were scams since ITT Tech and DeVry first started advertising in the 90s. Somehow, 20 years and millions of dollars in lobbying and advertising later, federal officials are convinced that these are great ideas that should be shoved down the throats of veterans with traumatic brain damage. Oh, how I wish I was exaggerating.

So yeah, I guess if you're neck-deep in debt, just be glad if your school isn't relying on a psuedo-religion's psuedo-science to give you a pseudo-degree that no employer will even psuedo-accept. Of course, if you are attending one of those schools, you may want to look up what psuedo means.

On the plus side, at least we found out about LBJ's humongous balls.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Two deer crossing the Golden Gate Bridge stopped traffic beautifully.

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Just act natural. (via NDTV)

This could've ended poorly in a lot of other American cities. If two deer had snarled traffic in Los Angeles during a Friday evening commute, they likely would've been tased and tackled by cops trying to save them from being shot and beaten by enraged commuters. Fortunately for this pair, they live in San Francisco. Or at least they did. Because over the weekend they were seen headed north on the Golden Gate Bridge towards the crunchier, less congested environs of Marin County.

The deer were spotted about 5:30 Friday evening. The California Highway Patrol received a few calls from motorists, but the deer were moving so quickly they were over the bridge and gone before the cops arrived.

Traffic slowed to a crawl as Bay Area drivers slowed to let deer cross in peace, man, and take in the unusual, totally groovy scene.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Creator of the nude celebrity reddit forum "The Fappening" is sad that his privacy was violated.

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I can see your privacy settings. (Via Getty Images)

Redditor johnsmcjohn is sad. Out of the charitable goodness of his heart, he donated his time and energy into creating and moderating a reddit forum dedicated to the purveyance of illicitly acquired nude celebrity photos. He called it: "The Fappening," and it became the most viewed forum on the site when it posted links to hacked photos of nude celebrities, notably of Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton. 

Eventually, reddit dismantled the forum, a event that angered johnsmcjohn, saying, "I created /r/TheFappening on Sunday. A quarter billion page views and 27 days of reddit gold later it got banned. Not because it violated site rules, because it got too many DMCA takedowns. Reddit is all for free speech until it is inconvenient for them."

Who was this strongly principled man? The Washington Post did some deep-digging to find out more about the man responsible for rescuing those nude photos from the 4chan troll dungeon and bring them into the light of the public eye.

In an ironic desire to protect some of his privacy, The Post pulled a couple punches and chose not to reveal his real name or social media accounts, but they did draw a detailed description of the 33-year-old. The article included trouble with his finances, his belief that he is struggling with undiagnosed Aspergers, and his identification as an asexual who is "not attracted" to people. 

The irony of johnsmcjohn being an asexual who gained fame from others' nudity didn't escape The Post—they blame his motives on the desire for power— although the undiagnosed Aspergers could reasonably explain his inability to empathize with how these leaks would make those celebrities feel. 

Whether or not johnsmcjohn has the ability to empathize, he definitely has the capacity for feeling... for himself. 

In a reddit AMA (Ask Me Anything), John invited redditors to ask him about the experience of starting reddit's most popular forum and its resulting backlash and removal. 

The first question listed (due to its popularity) was asked by immorta1, "How do you feel about the washington post [sic] basically trying to dox you?"

In layman's, "how does it feel to be a hacker who got hacked?"

John responded like he knew his privacy had been jeaopardized, saying, "I decided Thursday that I wouldn't delete my account and if the press wants to send me thru the ringer, so be it. I won't be bullied into silence."

We are, after all, talking about a man who prizes, above anything else, his right to free speech.

But then, when The Post story went to print, John was disturbed. Someone didn't like being stripped bare for the world to see. Indeed, it made him sad. 

"It makes me sad," he wrote in the AMA, "because she focused on my financial troubles when they aren't related to the sub at all. Yes. I had an issue paying my bills. How exactly does that deal with this sub???"

With regard to the other, more personal details they revealed, he wrote, "That was the worst part of the article for me. Why is my being on an asexuality website or an Aspergers board relevant to my work on /r/TheFappening??? It wasn't. At all."

One could just as easily ask how violating a person's privacy by posting nude photos relates to free speech. He created that forum for sharing stolen photos because the photos were interesting. The Post wrote those details about him because they were interesting. The only reason why he finds it offensive now is because now he is the victim. Now, he is sad. 

Despite this, after all the backlash, after the countless conversations about whether or not it is right to post or even look at these photos, even after the infamy of the incident brought his own troubles to light, John said that the only thing he would have done differently is try a little harder to protect his privacy.


(Via)

(by Myka Fox)

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