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Checked out.


Bad call.

A cat and a kitten played an adorable game of tag.

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Every kitten's gotta learn how to play tag sometime.

It may look like this cat and kitten are simply playing a cute game of tag, but in actuality, this "play" is really training for the intense, difficult life of being a housecat. The endurance required to get up and sit on your owner's keyboard at all times of day and night. The challenge of scratching up furniture. The hours of grueling napping. In a few short months, this kitten will be expected to do it all, so he'd better start training now.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Joan Rivers may be dead, but she still endorsed the iPhone 6 on Facebook this morning.

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I know it's not a ghost because this is the most unfunny copy I've ever read in my life.

Joan Rivers may be dead, but her sense of hustle is alive and well. This post appeared on her Facebook page this morning, which is either proof that the afterlife is real and requires you to earn an afterliving, or that someone forgot they'd scheduled an ad for the iPhone. Or maybe Joan Rivers told Apple she would shill for their products "over my dead body" and they took her up on it.

I'm guessing in all the chaos that surrounded the star's last week, they just forgot that they'd scheduled a (fairly unimpressive) pitch for the new iPhone. I'm a little irritated that this would be the last thing we'd hear out of the star's social media. She was better than this.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Unemployment benefits.

Don't speak.

CNN made a pretty stupid mistake while reporting the Scotland independence results.

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Truly shocking results. (screengrab via CNN)

Oops. CNN accidentally reported that the ScotCen Poll of Polls showed a result of 52% not in favor of Scottish independence, and 58% in favor. That of course adds up to 110%, which is the effort level you have to give when you want to make an accurate graphic for your news program. 

This is how election results get fudged, people! You cross your fingers and rely on most people's inability to add two numbers quickly.

Later on, CNN did fix the graphic to show the actual results, with only 48% of voters voting "yes." 


Not CNN's fault, but would've been more fun if the Yes vote won.

That extra 10% now joins the Loch Ness Monster as one of the great mythical figures of Scottish folklore.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

The year's craziest political ad calls the Governor of New York a "unicorn killer."

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Is this the face of a unicorn killer? (via)

I don't know much about running a successful political campaign (or even a bad one), but I know this much: if you can get your opponent to talk about unicorns, you're doing something right. And if you can get your opponent to deny having killed a unicorn, you're having a great day. So, even though the Republican candidate for Governor of New York, Rob Astorino, is still way behind in the polls, his campaign's new over-the-top attack ad has to be considered a big winner.

The ad not only accuses current New York Governor Andrew Cuomo of killing unicorns, it also says he abused Santa Claus and blames him for the murder of Humpty Dumpty. The Astorino camp says the ad is a response to the smear campaign that Cuomo has been running against their candidate.

Speaking at an event today to promote the Women's Equality Party, Cuomo said, “I do not murder unicorns. I’m against it. All women are against the murder of unicorns." Even though he was clearly joking, his words could provide another boost for the Astorino campaign, after the New York tabloids run with headlines reading, "Cuomo denies killing unicorn!"

(by Jonathan Corbett)


Laughing without smiling is maybe the scariest thing ever.

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Hahahahahahaha!!!

I would never have guessed that a video like this would be so disconcerting, but there's just something horribly wrong, on a molecular level, with the sound of laughter emanating from an unmoving, serious face. Look, don't take my word for it — see for yourself:

What did I tell you? You didn't believe me, did you? You probably thought that I was simply utilizing the literary technique of hyperbole. But now that you've seen these sixteen people laughing maniacally through stone-solid countenances, you probably feel like somebody reached into your chest and hooked their finger into the pliable ectoplasm of your soul, don't you? Aagh!

You know, people probably get this same feeling around Nicole Kidman all the time.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

California lawyer to lose her license for photoshopping 50 celebrities into her publicity photos.

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It must be so annoying to be a lawyer and constantly have celebs begging for pictures.

Buckle up, folks, because we're about to go on a roller coaster of crazy. 

California lawyer and probably insane person Svitlana Sangary has most important thing a lawyer could possibly possess: celebrities and high-ranking politicians for friends! Lots of them! Just look at her website (actually, look at this archived version), where you can see Sangary with literally dozens of the world's power elite. Unfortunately, if the California State Bar gets its way, she'll be suspended for six months because the photos created the equivalent of "deceptive advertising" for clients, just because they are not real in any way, shape or form. That is, unless they consider Sangary's argument that Natalie Portman makes it OK (seriously).


I think that "Publicity" graphic alone is grounds for admission to an asylum.

It may seem a little harsh to suspend Sangary's license to practice law over some Photoshop. After all, lots of people Photoshop themselves into celebrity photos just to be hilarious. That's why they told her to fix this two years ago, and warned her it was illegal. The fact that she ignored them makes State Bar Court Judge Donald Miles' recommendation to suspend her license for six months due to her blatant attempts to "confuse, deceive and mislead the public" seem more reasonable.


What's even more amazing is that she has all these friends and isn't even 40 yet!

Sangary, being a lawyer (for now), wasn't about to take this sitting down, and she penned a fierce defense explaining how Natalie Portman has already provided the legal precedent for Sangary to put anyone she damn wants in her pictures on her professional website.


Are... are you saying you want an Oscar?

Furthermore, unlike every single other person living in America, Svitlana gets emails from the President...asking for money.


I just lost a lot of respect for Pepperdine, the LSAT, and ages 30-39.

Of course, as other outlets have pointed out, that email she got from Obama was also received by several million other people


I admire her gutsiness in how close she puts herself in these photos.

In conclusion, your honor...um, I dunno... America!


Hey, Aaron Eckhart. Haven't seen that guy in a while. Wonder how he's doing.

(bJohnny McNulty)

China condemns dogs as tools of American imperialism in bizarre editorial.

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To be fair, so are most actual Western lifestyles.

Full disclosure: I'm an American with a dog, and therefore a public enemy to the People's Republic of China. 

The People's Daily is China's most important state-run newspaper, controlled directly by the Communist Party, and its editorials represent the official views of the party more closely than other state-run print/web media outlets (on TV, their counterpart would be Xinhua). And as of this point, they officially hate dogs, and therefore so does the Party (well, maybe). On the plus side, it inspired an absolutely awesome word: pupulism.

It wasn't an official editorial, but the fact that it appeared as an op-ed at least means someone in the Party approved floating this attack as a test balloon to see how it would go down. Dog ownership is exploding in China as incomes rise, leading to shifting opinions about dogs and heartwarming things like citizens on Chinese social media rallying together to save dogs from being eaten for food. In other words, the kind of citizen activism that rapidly leads to problems like people protesting in favor of the rights of humans.

Not like cats. Cats appreciate power for power's sake. Also, cats don't poop everywhere, unlike dogs and Chinese children.

If you want to learn more about how the views of dogs are changing in China, check out this video below (or subscribe to China Uncensored for tons of informative videos). It does have more graphic imagery, though, and might be a bit upsetting.

(by Johnny McNulty)

The first guy to buy an iPhone 6 immediately dropped it on the ground.

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Easy there, buddy.

This man from Perth, Australia, had the honor of being the first person there to buy an iPhone 6 (and given Australia's time zone, quite possibly the world). He also had the honor of being the first person to think "oh shit!" as he watched his iPhone 6 fall to the ground. Miraculously, it did not break. If not breaking at the slightest tumble is a feature of the new iPhone, I think I'll probably get one. 

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Early adopter.

A terrible site.

These two koalas fighting prove it's impossible for them to not be cute.

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"You're not the koala I fell in love with!"

While it's kind of a bummer to learn that koalas fight, it's good to know it's not something they do very well. At least based on this video. It's hardly even a fight; more like an argument over who has the cutest ears, or who ate the last eucalyptus leaf. Something like that. You can tell these two really care for each other, because ten seconds into the spat they start nuzzling and appear to be close to starring in a video called Koala Makeup Sex. I get it. They're forced to live together in an enclosed space, so it's not like they can take a break from each other like most couples. Climbing the same tree must get old after a while. I just hope these two were able to settle their differences. Because if a couple this cute can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us?

(by Jonathan Corbett)


Conan O'Brien and Apple help you remove U2's new album from your brain.

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"Siri, remove my corpus callosum."

Yes, we were all—aside from a few poor, misguided souls who still carry "Beautiful Day" around in their iPods—disturbed to pick up our phones last Tuesday and discover an invasive U2 album inhabiting our iTunes libraries. Yes, it felt like a promotional step too far. And yes, customer response was not helped by Bono's waning respect in pop culture.

But it was more than a week ago. Why are we still so angry about it? Music and tech writers are still dedicating online ink to the dissection of this public relations nightmare. Are we really this upset? Or are we just pointing and laughing at Bono's face plant into a mud puddle?  (I say "Bono's face plant," because nobody out there is shaking his fist at Larry Mullen, Jr.)

If that's the case, fine. I like pointing at laughing at people who are way wealthier and more successful that I could ever hope to be. Look, I've embedded this Apple commercial parody from Conan for just that reason:

But if we are genuinely still angry, I think we need to take a deep breath and get over it. We've really got to conserve some of this vitriol for when Coldplay releases their next album. 

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Benjy from the Howard Stern Show turned Rodger Goodell's press conference into a spectacle.

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Are you ready for some goofball?(via)

Being a Rodger Goodell press conference, I doubt anyone was expecting much in the way of excitement. He's not famous for his charm and wit. Lately, he's been mostly famous for constantly trying to cover his ass as it gets closer to the frying pan over the NFL's ongoing problems with domestic violence.

So spotting Benjy Bronk from the Howard Stern show was probably a welcome sight to most of the reporters gathered in the room to hear Goodell blather about why he should be able to keep his job.

Benjy has been one of Howard's writers and on-air personalities for years. He's mostly famous for being yelled at whenever he screws up or does something especially weird. But another thing he's known for is committing to a bit as if his life depended on it, which is what he did today. 

For anyone not familiar with the Stern Show, it probably seemed like a potentially dangerous lunatic somehow got into the press conference. But fans of Howard knew right away that it was Benjy, a mostly harmless lunatic.

It sounds like he was there to get in a few questions before being spotted by someone as a potential troublemaker. He yells "What are you doing? I'm Benji!" as a large dude grabs him and begins dragging him out. That's when he started screaming "Don't put me in the elevator!" Which turned out to be the most memorable line from the entire event.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

A burglar invaded a huge 'Game of Thrones' nerd's house, ended up getting stabbed with a spear.

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"I am the watcher in the trailer."

First of all, don't rob people's houses. Second of all, don't assume that giant geeks aren't dangerous, especially if they live alone in trailers, because the geekier and more alone-in-trailers they are, the higher the probability is that they have medieval weaponry at their disposal. That's the lesson from Wichita Falls, TX, this week, which home invader Thomas McGowan, 25, learned the hard way when he broke into the private domicile of Jimmy Morgan, Jr., an avid 'Game of Thrones' fan and a practitioner of medieval martial arts, and got stabbed with a short spear (video below).


I feel like I've met this guy... a few dozen times all over the country.

McGowan found himself face-to-face with Morgan, Jr. outside his bedroom door, and Morgan, Jr., y'know, stabbed him a bit. He then describes (with a a kinda scary choice of words) stalking him into the living room and waiting while the panicked burglar tried to get out the front door. I should note that McGowan was treated for his injuries and is fine, except for being charged with evading arrest (he had led cops on a car chase earlier in the day) as well as breaking and entering. Despite being stabbed with a spear, there were only minor wounds, even though he did manage to bleed all over Morgan, Jr.'s door.

Again, in case you missed it, here is McGowan later that night being arrested, just so you know he wasn't stabbed in the torso.

In conclusion, geeks living alone in trailers in Texas (or anywhere) should not be your first choice for home invasions, because if they don't like medieval weapons, they probably like modern ones. Geeks in trailers are terrifying.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Final request.

In case you didn't know, this is something that can happen to your airplane.

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If the "Never Ending Story" is any guide, someone needs to start reading right now.

It's basic science, really. If a plane takes off in very hot, humid weather at low altitude, then as it climbs and the cabin pressure drops and the air cools, there's a lot of excess moisture that can spontaneously form into a cloud. It's not a danger to anyone (except if you're afraid of tripping and falling in the aisle), but it doesn't make you feel like you're not in an episode of the Twilight Zone. What is perhaps the craziest thing about this is that photos of this phenomenon were posted not once, but twice to reddit within 12 hours of each other, on what appear to be different planes (and a quick Google Images search indicates the photos themselves are new to the Web). 


Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your captains...WHITESNAKE!

This phenomenon does happen occasionally, including last June on a Delta flight when a captain soothed his passengers' fears by waiving the fee for alcoholic drinks on the flight. I think (and virtually everyone else who saw these posts on reddit thinks) this problem, however, might need the touch of a certain Captain Mack.


This plane was never not high.

Or Stephen King...but I'd rather have Snoop.

(by Johnny McNulty)

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